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“Hey, guys,” George Washington said. “We haven’t been keeping up with America in the last decade or so…we should watch the presidential debate!”
Hamilton hummed. “Alright.”
They had all been dead for centuries, but they always kept up with their country throughout the time they were dead. The ups and the downs.
The original cabinet of the United States gathered around the television to watch the 2024 presidential debate.
“What was the last debate that we watched?” Jefferson asked.
“Uhmmm…” Washington thought on the topic. “I think it was the one with Obama? Maybe?”
“I’m excited. A lot has happened since that, probably,” Hamilton added.
Hamilton took the remote and tuned onto the station that was playing the debate.
There were two old men on the screen: Donald Trump and Joe Biden.
Jefferson rolled his eyes. “Okay, I know that Washington and I weren’t exactly the youngest to become president, but seriously?”
“How old do you think they are?” Hamilton asked.
“If I had to guess,” Knox said. “Around like 70?”
“Someone look it up,” Washington suggested.
Just because they had died in the 17 or 1800s, doesn’t mean that they couldn’t keep up with technology while they were dead. In fact, they practically became experts in it.
Jefferson took out a phone and searched up the question.
“Oh god,” Jefferson said. “Biden’s 81 and Trump’s 78.”
“Okay, what the fuck?” Hamilton said. “One of them’s gonna die in office! I know that life expectancy is higher than it was when we were alive, but seriously?”
“For once, I agree with you,” Jefferson said. “Don’t expect it to happen too often.”
Washington sighed. “I bet they’re still the most qualified for the job.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
They really weren’t.
The cabinet watched in horror as they kept doing childish things, such as avoiding the question being asked with childish remarks toward the other candidate, talking about their gold abilities, etc.
“What the fuck is this about Trump having sex with a pornstar?” Jefferson asked, incredulously.
“I don’t wanna know,” Washington said. “Ugh.”
“Hey Hamilton, don’t you have experience on affairs?” Jefferson asked, jokingly.
“Oh,
fuck you.
”
Jefferson laughed.
“In all seriousness, though, what pornstar would wanna have sex with someone who looks like their grandpa?” Hamilton asked.
“I don’t know.”
They continued watching.
Knox had been in charge of the remote at the time, and paused the program. “Okay,” He said. “I swear they had just asked about Trump’s opinion or whatever about the war in Ukraine–”
“Something like that,” Hamilton said, staring at the ground in both boredom and annoyance. This was what the country they fought so hard to create had come to?
“--But now he’s still rambling about the last question?”
“Seems so,” Jefferson replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It wasn’t until the question about January sixth that they had really gotten enraged.
“Hey, do any of you know what January 6th is? It sounds just like a date, so why are they asking a question about it?” Washington asked.
“The date must have some sort of significance,” Hamilton said. He searched up what January 6th was and paused in horror. “No…what the fuck…no…”
“What is it?” Washington asked.
“Apparently a bunch of Trump’s supporters decided to…storm the U.S capitol…and destroy a bunch of shit and harm people…” Hamilton said.
“WHAT??” The rest of the cabinet asked, infuriated.
“This is crazy…” Hamilton said, skimming through the rest of the article. “Here, read it,” Hamilton gave the phone to them.
The article explained every detail about the incident, including how Trump had “egged them on.”
“I can’t believe either of them are able to run for president,” Washington said.
“Oh, and Trump’s a convicted felon.”
“You’re kidding,” Washington said, shocked.
“It’s part of the article,” Hamilton said.
“Ugh, I can’t believe this,” Jefferson said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the debate came to an end, the group had sat in silence for a little while, before Knox said, “What the hell.”
“I can’t believe that this is what it’s come to!! They just disregard everything we worked so hard to accomplish.”
“Did they forget that their independence is because of us?” Jefferson asked.
Hamilton picked up a bottle of liquor and started to drink it. “I am way too sober for this.”
Washington laughed. “Yeah, no amount of alcohol will fix this.”
Knox chuckled. “They’re doomed.”
Everyone laughed at that, but then abruptly stopped. “I can’t believe this.”
“So, who would you vote for if you had to live during this?” Jefferson asked.
“Oh, I would rather vote for a pebble on the side of the road,” Washington replied.
“They completely forgot most of the constitution,” Hamilton said.
“That’s rich, coming from you. You were a Federalist,” Jefferson commented.
“Just because I had a loose interpretation of it doesn’t mean I didn’t follow it,” Hamilton said. “And I had a much stronger interpretation of it than any of them do.” He gestured at the TV.
They realized that America would never be the same country that they left it as.