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When I wake up again, it’s to my shoulder gently being shaken and someone calling my name. I moan and try to push them away. Whoever they are, they're sitting on my bed and are too close.
“...need you to wake up,” I’m hearing, and I moan again in protest.
“Hurts,” I whine.
“I can up your painkillers but I need you to wake up first,”
I force my eyes open and find Bones sitting at my hip, a paper cup in his hand. “You need to take your meds, darlin’.”
I limply try to swat at his hand but I don’t get very far before he catches it and sets it back on the bed. “You need your meds, sweetheart.”
“Don’t wanna.”
“Do you ever?”
I sigh and try to sit up, but a muscle pulling stops me. “Ow…” I weakly say.
Bones helps me sit up while I wince in pain and take the cup from him. He hands me water next and I take the dumb pills for my dumb mental health.
“Are you hungry?”
“No,” I move to lay down again and he lets me. That’s when I clock Jim still in the chair at my right, but asleep. “How long’s he been here?” I mumble.
“A few hours.”
“Bull.” I grumble. “He’s gonna hurt his neck sleeping like that.”
“You wanna try to make him leave? Be my guest.”
I snort and know he’s right. He must up the painkillers because I start feeling warm and floaty again before I fall asleep.
The next time I wake up, it’s from a nightmare. Jim is at my side in an instant, trying to calm my thrashing and crying. He sits at my hip and tries to pat my arm but it sets me off further. Even through my panic, I know Bones is going to show up if I don’t calm down, so I try my best to listen to my brother.
I reach out for him and let him take me in his arms as I try to calm my breathing.
This is a song and dance we’ve done too often, lately. The nightmares have been bad but I’ve begged him not to tell Bones- who does in fact, show up.
“Everything okay?” I hear him ask from somewhere near Jim, who responds, “I think we’re good.”
I shake in his arms with my face buried in his shoulder, hands gripping his shirt for dear life.
“She gonna be able to go back to sleep?” He asks Jim quietly.
“Usually, yeah,” then I feel him look down at me, “you gonna get back to sleep or will you need some help?”
“I’m fine,” I sniffle, muffled by his shirt.
“She says she’s fine.”
“I’ll stick closeby for a bit just to be safe.”
“Thanks, Bones.”
Jim keeps rubbing my back up and down soothingly until I start to fall back asleep against him. He sits the bed up to a more sitting position and leans back, taking me with him until we’re both reclined but I’m not on top of him.
The movement brings a few shuddering breaths in and out of me as I try to calm down again, but eventually I close my eyes and fall asleep with the weight of Jim’s head on top of mine.
______
Bones stood at the doorway with his head nurse, watching the two Kirk siblings sleep into Alpha. He’d already written Jim a medical pass for the morning half of the shift.
He shook his head as he watched both their chests rise and fall. “How can we get through to her that we genuinely want to take care of her, Chris?”
She sighed, “I think a lot of it is about control. As long as she’s in control, she can take care of herself. I think taking away some of that control by keeping her here shows her a lot about how much you care.”
“So we show we care by taking away her control? Who here has the psych degree again?”
She snorted, “she didn’t let us take care of her after the kidnapping attempt and everything. She fought you tooth and nail about fixing her shoulder. She still gets cagey anytime she’s asked a question about her health. This has got to be a huge step for her.”
“If only she’d let some of that control willingly go…”
“If you keep showing her she can, by taking it away in certain ways and then fulfilling those rolls for her, maybe she will.”
“What else do you suggest? We’ve already all but trapped her here.”
“Well, you’re making her eat, aren’t you? And sleep? She needs those things to heal, it’s not like you’re harping on her daily about it like a cruel parent.”
“…you read about what her mom did in her chart, didn’t you.”
“Sick-” Christine stopped herself from saying the word she had been about to.
“Speaking of sick…” Bones shook his head, “she’s never had anyone take care of her when she is. I think the concept is foreign to her and that’s partly why she fights so hard, she’s never experienced what we’re asking her to experience.”
“Then no wonder this is so hard for her,” she shook her head. “And we thought Jim was bad…”
Bones couldn’t help but snort. “They both have their moments, let’s just say that.”
Silence fell until Christine sighed, “should I go get her breakfast?”
“Let’s wait until she wakes up and ask her what she wants so we can be sure she’ll eat it.”
______
When I wake up Jim is gone, having sent a message to my padd he had to report to the bridge. I feel bad he even slept here at all, that it’s my fault he was late to begin with.
Christine talks me into breakfast which I eat, then I go back to studying straight through until lunch.
That’s when Bones comes in, “hey, kiddo. The mess hall is serving a variety of soups and salads today, what kinds would you like?”
“I’m really not hungry, actually…”
“You really need to eat, darlin’.”
“I ate breakfast.”
“And now it’s lunchtime.”
“But I'm not hungry .”
“Can you at least try and eat something? Anything.”
I snort, “sure, let me have some french fries, a pancake drenched in butter and syrup, and a coke.”
He nods once, “okay, if that’s what you want, I’ll get it.”
I laugh, “I was kidding!”
“But if that’s a meal you’ll actually eat, I don’t care.”
“I don't want to eat.”
“But you need to.”
I sigh.
“How about this?” He proposes. “I’ll get you french fries and a vanilla protein milkshake, and a coke. Fair?”
“Can’t promise I’ll eat it all.”
“As long as you try, I’m happy.”
“Ugh, fine,” I relent.
It’s Christine who brings me the food, hurriedly explaining there’s been an explosion in engineering and that she’s headed into surgery with M’Benga while Bones starts his surgery with another nurse.
I assure her that I’ll be fine and won’t move.
At one point, I get up to use the bathroom and cramps wash through me, painkillers be darned. I stifle a groan and discover that I have indeed started my period. Stupid birth control.
I dig through the cabinets in the bathroom, thinking there must be supplies, and find nothing.
The flow is heavy and I need more than just folded up toilet paper, but I’m not about to ask anyone but Christine for pads.
I hesitantly leave the bathroom and look out my door, up and down the halls. Everyone is out in the main bay now, especially seeing as how I’m the only one currently admitted to a room. No one would notice if I left… And I’d come right back, they probably wouldn’t even know…
So I slip on my shoes, painfully, and run out of medbay like a bat out of you-know-where.
The hallways are packed with people rushing from one spot to the next and no one even pays me a second glance.
Getting home and back goes smoothly, and I’m walking back to my room in medbay when it happens.
Dr. Sanchez, who I’ve never even formally met, stands with his arms crossed as I approach.
“Uh… hi?” I ask him as he stands in front of my door.
“It was my understanding,” he begins coolly, “that you were on bedrest.”
“I… am…?”
“Oh, then why did you leave medbay?”
“I just had to go get-”
“Yeah, no, I know Dr. McCoy was worried about you running, and that’s exactly what you did,”
I shake my head no, but he reaches out for me and I flinch away.
“I didn’t-”
“At this point,” he interrupts me, “there’s only one option we really have left to keep you safe.” He gets a hold of my arm and pulls me into the room, and I see wrist restraints tied onto the bed.
I go icy cold all over and shake my head over and over again until I’m practically vibrating.
“We just need to keep you in bed,” he tries to explain, but I dig my literal heels in and start to fight against his hold.
Everyone is busy, how will I go to the bathroom? How long will they keep me tied up? Did Bones okay this?
“No,” I weakly object, pain impeding my ability to fight. “I can stay put, I-”
“Obviously not,” he argues, reaching into his pocket.
A hypospray hits my neck before I can register what’s going on, and everything around me starts to go black.
______
Bones walked out of surgery and checked the screen to see if there was another one on the roster. For the time being, there wasn’t. But he was nervous that would change or that he’d get called in for another patient, and something in his gut was telling him to check on Callie first.
He walked down the hall, peering into her room, and all seemed quiet. If she was sleeping again, good. But once he got into her room, he could quickly tell she wasn’t just sleeping.
As if the restraints on her wrists weren’t telling enough.
Horror and guilt flashed through his veins as he swiftly walked over to undo the restraints. The one thing he’d promised her…
Then he was broiling mad.
A doctor’s order is needed for restraints. Joseph was in surgery, which just left Sanchez.
He sighed. Sanchez was a good worker, but very new and very green. And was about to be in a very big amount of trouble. What was he thinking? What had she done that was so wrong? Bones wouldn’t have restrained her even if she had run away, had she gone and ran two hours again, he wouldn’t have restrained her.
He shook his head in disgust and rage. But he stayed at her bedside, searching her face for signs of life. She’d been sedated, too. Crap. But he knew himself well enough to know that if he went and found Sanchez right then, he’d be on report for punching out a subordinate.
He picked up the padd at the foot of her bed and read through the latest chart notes. It had indeed been Sanchez who’d ordered the sedative and restraints. Bones had to pause and close his eyes, take a deep breath, try to calm the shaking fury dancing beneath his skin. He opened his eyes and continued reading. Sanchez saw her leave medbay then return about 10 minutes later. While she was gone, he double checked her chart, knowing she was on bedrest, wanting to double check she still was and nothing had changed. With the treating doctor in surgery and everyone else too busy to keep an eye on her, he decided it best to restrain her for her own safety.
Bones had to work to not slam the padd back down into its place on the bed. Best for her, his foot. It was clearly what had been best for Sanchez, wanting to keep a tidy medbay while in charge of it.
He needed to give him an earful, but he also didn’t want to leave Callie alone, even if her sedative wouldn’t wear off for another hour. He checked the surgery schedule from his padd, and saw Christine was finishing up with M’Benga. He sent her a message to meet him there. Then he realized he was going to have to tell Jim… Then he’d have to keep Jim from pummeling Sanchez, too. He sighed again, fury still lighting fire along with his pulse. It was going to be a long afternoon.
Once Christine found out, she was just as angry, “I’ll kill him,”
“You. Will. Not,” M’Benga’s soft voice came from behind her as he laid a hand on her shoulder. “I am sure that whatever Leonard has planned for him is worse than anything you or I could come up with.”
Bones nodded agreement, somewhat amused, as Christine snorted and rubbed at her forehead. “Well if he’s still breathing when you’re done, boss, I want a turn.”
“I think we all do,” M’Benga spoke again.
Bones looked at him with surprise, “you too?”
M’Benga looked over at the sedated Callie, “I’ve come to care for her just as much as anyone else here. She is a precious soul that we must protect.”
“Agreed,” Christine nodded.
“Well,” Bones said, getting up from his seat. “If you’ll watch over her, Chris, I have a medbay to take back so I can then scream at someone.”
“Call you when she starts to wake up?”
“Sure, but I should be back before that.”
“I will come along and help get medbay in order so that you may scream,” M’Benga followed Bones out.
______
I awaken slowly, groggily, like I’ve been drowned then brought back to life. I reach up to brush the hair out of my face, and that’s when I remember everything that happened, and the fact that nothing is restraining my wrists is welcomed news.
But anger and betrayal rush through me, and I force my eyes open as my heart pounds in fear.
“Woah, woah, your blood-pressure just sky-rocketed, easy now, kiddo…” That’s Bones. Not Sanchez.
I ignore him and move to sit up, looking around the room for some sign of the man that sedated me and presumably tied me up.
“You’re okay, you’re safe, everythin’s a’right,”
I start to shake as I turn my gaze back to him.
Something on his face isn’t right, but I can’t tell if he’s angry or upset or who at.
“What happened was not okay, and I did not give permission for it,” he says hastily, like he needs me to hear it first off. “Do you… remember what happened?”
I nod.
“Yeah, well, Sanchez got an earful from me and now he’s gettin’ an earful from Jim then Imma have to fight Chris and Joseph off to give him another earful, if he’s even still on the ship by that point.”
“I didn’t mean to get anyone fired…” I say quietly, in a small voice.
“ You didn’t do anything wrong, kid.”
“But I did,” I object with a wobble in my pitch. “I-I left. I didn’t stay in bed. I-”
“You were gone for all of 6.7 minutes. I checked the logs and cameras. Bein’ gone for the length of a bathroom break doesn’t necessitate sedation and restraints.”
Sedation and restraints. Sedation. And. Restraints.
I was sedated and restrained. All for going to get pads.
“Now, I know too from the cameras you went home then came right back. So it must have been something pretty important you needed. I would assume that before assumin’ you’re just being difficult but…” He sighs. “So what was it?”
My cheeks flame. He was not supposed to know about this. I had planned on going to Christine for a reason.
I play with my fingers in my lap as I try to find words.
“C’mon, kid. Don’t lie to me. What happened? Why did you really leave?”
I huff, “Igamprd…”
“You what?”
I roll my eyes, “I got. My period. If you must know. I just went home to get some stuff for it. I came right back.”
“You know we have stuff for that here?”
“Everyone was busy, I wasn’t going to pull someone away just for that.”
“When you gonna get it through your thick skull that you deserve care too?”
I sigh, and try to find words, but instead go silent.
“Callie, talk to me, please,”
I stay imoving.
I can feel myself shutting down.
Bones is saying something that I can’t quite hear, and my eyes start to glaze over as I dissociate.
I think he sits down.
I think a decent chunk of time passes.
Then I suddenly, finally, speak, “I had a fish, right?”
I feel his head snap to me, eyes searching for mine but I keep my vision blurred out on the blanket.
“This stupid little pet fish. I was so busy in school that I’d come home and do my homework and collapse in bed and would forget to feed him. My mom…” I pause, feeling my throat tighten. “My mom would wait until she knew I was PMSing to start going on and on about how the fish was probably watching me, mentally begging and pleading for food, making the whole thing a big joke until I was in tears. Then she’d “realize” I had PMS and would make fun of that being the reason why I was crying.” I pause and rub my hands together. “I take care of myself so no one can use anything I need or am going through against me. It’s not worth any so-called help you get. It’s better to just… do it alone and privately.” I look up, “I wasn’t trying to run. I just needed to get some stuff that I didn’t want to have to ask anyone for.”
He cocks his head and his shoulders drop. I can tell he wants to tell me they’d never be like that here, but he refrains. Maybe because he isn’t sure himself anymore.
“What’s going to happen to me?” I ask.
“What do you mean?” I can all but hear his brow furrow.
“I mean, do I have to… Is he…” I let out a breath, frustrated the words aren’t coming.
But he gets my meaning anyway. “From here on out, M’Benga and I are the only doctors in Starfleet allowed to touch you. No one else will even have access to your chart. Pretty much the same thing we do with Jim. I will never let this happen to you again, Callie. Never.”
I feel tears form in my eyes, “I wasn’t trying… I didn’t…”
He comes closer and sits on the bed, “hey-hey-hey, I know. I know. It’s okay. I understand. You didn’t do anything deserving of what happened. You’re not in trouble.”
I finally look up at him, tears spilling over, “you promised I wouldn’t get tied up and left.”
He looks like his heart breaks and he’s unsure of what to do.
“Can I please just go home now?”
He hesitates, “...no.”
“Why?” I cry, rubbing at my eyes.
“Because you’re still not healed, sweetheart. You still need to rest and eat and I want to make sure you do.”
“I’m not a baby! I can take care of myself.”
“But you don’t have to,” he objects. “You don’t have to take care of yourself all alone anymore. You don’t have to run off and get your own supplies. You don’t have to worry that someone is going to hold taking care of you against you or over your head. Not here. Not with us.”
My lip wobbles as I choke on a sob, his words cutting just a bit deeper than I’d like to admit.
He looks hesitant, like he doesn’t want to overstep, but I also need him to show me what he’s saying is true.
I think he must sense that, because he pulls me into his arms, tucking my head underneath his chin.
I start to fully sob there, and I don’t know why.
He rubs my back and rocks me side to side silently as I cry.
And when I fall asleep in his arms, I wake up there, too.