Chapter Text
Carlos had just woken up when he saw that Daniel had texted him. He wasn’t in a mood to talk to the man, not that he had anything against him, Carlos was just tired.
He had an awful headache from how much he had been drinking the night before, so he decided to get a pill for the headache before he answered Daniel’s text.
It wasn’t usual for Carlos to get such a hangover after partying mainly because he didn’t like to party a lot, he only did it yesterday at Lando’s request.
What wouldn’t he do for the British man?
Speaking of Lando, if Carlos remembered well, the Brit had abandoned him halfway through the night looking a bit….odd, giving some bullshit excuse as to why he did so.
He ignored the feeling of he’s going to leave you for someone else that made an appearance whenever he was feeling good about himself.
A thought that was totally unwanted and out of place, Carlos had no business on who Lando decided to take home. It didn’t matter what Carlos wanted him and Lando to be, they weren’t anything and they could never be.
Ignored the way he remembered how his eyes lingered a little too long on Lando, ignored the buzzing feeling he had on his skin from where the Brit had touched him and ignored the feelings and pushed them down.
Carlos should text him, just to make sure he's ok, he knew he shouldn’t but he did leave a bit rattled and Carlos worries a lot.
But before he did that, he should see what Daniel texted him for, now that his headache had subsided and the mere light coming out of his phone didn’t threaten to blow his head up.
Honey badger
‘Heyy I need to talk to u’
Weird Carlos thought. He wasn’t used to getting the ‘we have to talk’ type of text and even less from Daniel.
Worry started creaking through.
Him and Daniel used to be close, back when Carlos was at Alphatauri and back when it was still called Toro Rosso (god that sounds like ages ago).
They were friends and as such they talked about what friends usually talk about. But then he went to Renault and their friendship was strained.
It was fine they weren’t mad at each other and they understood that what happens on the grid stays in the grid and the same with the things outside of it. They just grew apart.
Carlos couldn’t call himself a friend of Daniel’s because he wasn’t one. Sure that feeling that nothing in his life is constant and that no matter what he does he’ll lose life-long friends still plagued him some nights.
But he had Lando now, one of his best friends, he could talk about everything with him. The British knew him inside and out and Spaniard knew him too.
There was nothing he wouldn’t do for Lando and he knew that Lando would do anything for Carlos.
But Daniel? After so many years? He wasn’t exactly sure what there was to talk about.
Carlos missed him, he would be lying if he said he didn’t. Yes it was weird to miss someone you see every other weekend but that is not the same as being friends.
He texted him back.
Honey Badger
‘Hey sure where can we meet?’
13:03
‘My place if it’s ok?’
13:37
‘Ok I’ll be there in 20’
13:40
While Carlos was getting ready to leave in a way that was rushed but that wouldn’t cause his headache to come back, he tried to think of a reason why Daniel would be texting him.
As he put on a shirt he considered it to be about Lando now that he and Daniel are teammates.
When he was brushing his (perfect) hair he thought it might even be about McLaren. When he was about to leave Carlos thought it might not even be F1 related.
He would only know when he got there. He needed to be patient.
Carlos couldn’t lie to himself, he was scared it might be about Zak, scared that maybe he broke his promises and that he actually didn’t change all that much from when he was on the team.
The anticipation was killing him, so he hurried himself.
When he’s out of the hotel he asks for an Uber to get him to Daniel’s home.
The ride is calm, even with the traffic that an after GP place has it wasn’t that bad. The man who was driving him seemed nice even if he hadn’t spoken much.
The car was nice, at least better than the one seat car he had driven the day before, the smell around the vehicle was pleasant and the songs on the radio sounded good.
Leather seats that would make his own seat on his car jealous, windows rolled down because of the warm weather with the scent of sea hitting his face. Everything so familiar yet so far from home.
Throughout the drive he made sure he wasn’t overthinking the impending conversation he would have in a few minutes, instead preferring to look around Monaco, the streets that he recognized not only from driving but from Charles during that one time.
Streets were flooding with people, some already drunk, others rushing to work and others simply enjoying the city. Looking around like he was searching for something (or someone), watching each person go on with their lives so separate from his own.
The ride ends as he gets to his destination rather fast, he thanks the driver, gives him a 5 star review and moves to the door of the building.
A doorman made way for him and Carlos gave him a small smile.
In a matter of seconds he finds himself knocking on Daniel's door, brushing aside a strand of hair as well as his concern.
He convinced himself that this was just to catch up with an old friend, to talk about life and about anything but the sport they were in. Carlos needed to believe that this conversation was nothing to be worried about.
So to say he was surprised when he saw the ill faced man that answered the door was to say the least.
His eyes fixated on the man’s face for a few moments, how pained and older it looked, how his hair looked like a rats nest and how when he greeted him Daniel sounded far too tired.
Still, he smiled, the big and shiny smile so many could recognize anywhere. Still, with all the pain he seemed to be in, he laughed and smiled like the world around him wasn’t crumbling down.
And oh how Carlos missed that smile being directed at him, how he missed Daniel’s humor, warmth and company and how now that they were together, sharing a beer (that Carlos should have refused), they seemed to go back to the old days.
How it was easy to fall back into old habits (old habits die hard don’t they?), to go back to being a rookie and feeling like the world was theirs to conquer and nothing else mattered.
But, Carlos knew all too well how Danie was, he remembered the times where he had caught Daniel crying alone in his motor home and how he pretended it was nothing.
Carlos knew how fake it could all be, he wasn’t going to be fooled.
He was there because Daniel asked him to, they had important things to talk about and he didn’t have the most time in the world.
So it was time to get to it.
“So? What do you want to talk about?” he said after he took a chug of his beer.
Carlos saw how Daniel’s shoulders tensed and his smile strained.
He raised his eyebrow and started to get worried. All the reasons for this conversation to be happening he convinced himself wouldn’t happen came back with full force.
Every possibility just rushing through his mind making him more anxious.
Why would Daniel be tense? How serious was this conversation going to get? Should he be worried?
God, what could possibly be so bad that would get that reaction from Daniel?
Daniel looked down with wide eyes. Carlos noticed he took several deep breaths before he spoke.
“ Zak” the Australian said softly, not even comparable to the loud laughs Carlos had heard just a few minutes ago.
A burning sensation erupted in his stomach, a feeling he hadn’t felt in for awhile. He knew what that feeling was, why it resurfaced again, he still wasn’t ready to feel it all again.
Now, that was not what he wanted hoped Daniel would say, Carlos was scared of what that meant.
He tried ignoring the burning, not wanting to jump to conclusions too quick.
“What about him?”, his confident voice betrayed how scared he felt. Still he couldn’t assume the worst of the man, Carlos had hopes that he had changed.
But doubt never really lets him have much hope does it? Questions like did something happen to Lando? To Daniel, kept reappearing.
The Australian in question made no move to answer Carlos' question besides looking at him questiongly.
He thinks that Daniel wished he wouldn’t have to specify what he had to say about Zak and in some way Carlos wishes that too.
That they could have a wordless conversation about a man he used to trust.
Both men are now tense, not knowing exactly what each could say to make the situation bearable or if they should even have this conversation to begin with (whatever the conversation was about).
There’s a lot to be said but neither knew if or how to approach the matter, Carlos stupidly thought that now that they are adults they should know how to handle this, but turns out, he is just as clueless as he was when he was younger.
The silence became louder, leaving space to the shallow breathing of an Australian and fear filling the room.
It seemed neither were willing to crack first, formula 1 drivers, always wanting to win even if it kills them (and one day it might). They stared at each other, searching for confirmation of something they haven’t even talked about.
Obviously they didn’t find anything. How could they if they didn’t know what they were looking for? One of them had to break and Carlos doesn’t think Daniel is ready for that yet.
So, he cracked again.
“Did something happen to Lando or to you?” Carlos became very aware of his accent as soon as the sentence was out of his mouth and then he felt embarrassed for thinking about his accent instead of his friend's safety.
Daniel was quick to answer, “Oh no no no, Lando is fine”, he accentuated his words with nods and hand gestures that were a little too panicky.
But nonetheless, Carlos felt relieved that Zak hadn’t broken his promise but he knew he couldn’t let his guard down now. Especially because Daniel had explicitly said ‘Lando is fine’ not ‘We are fine’ which maybe was a long shot for Carlos to assume there was something wrong with Daniel, but he wasn’t going to take a chance, not about this.
“But are you fine?” He insisted.
Carlos swears that Daniel’s eyes widened more and that he could see the gears turning inside Dani’s head.
The Australian hesitated before answering, “yea I think so”. It was an obvious lie but Carlos took it as the exit Daniel wanted it to be.
He accepted
He nodded and smiled at the man in front of him.
They resturned to the usual, drinking and laughing, not worrying about what had just happened.
Not thinking about the consequences that would have.
Carlos still felt a burning feeling in his stomach, something about all this wasn’t right.
He knew deep down they should talk about this, what it meant for Daniel and his performance.
He should not ignore the signs. But, he was still scared of it all, and that meant shoving all the worries and anxieties into a small box in his mind where he could only reach either drunk or sleep deprived.
And he was neither at the time.
They spent a few more hours together, both deciding to be crushed under the weight of fear, and enjoying each other's company as they hadn’t had that opportunity in a while.
If Carlos lied to himself he could convince himself that the evening he spent with Ricciardo was normal, that his insides didn’t feel like they were closing down on him and swallowing him whole.
If he lied to himself, then maybe, just maybe, he could forget about Zak and what he did and forget about the 7 phrase conversation they had about him.
But, unfortunately for him, he has always been honest, even to himself.
Daniel could be in the same situation he had been just a few months prior, but unlike him, he didn’t have someone he could trust to help him. And if Carlos knew Daniel well, he doesn’t think that the Aussie would even ask for help.
Still Carlos had to do something to help him.
But not now that he was able to distract Daniel just for a while.
He would deal with everything after he left.
So he stayed for a few more hours, trying his best to cheer Daniel up and when he realized that maybe he had overstayed his welcome he thanked the Australian and left, phone already ready to call a certain Dutch man, he knew would help.