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It was a dumb thing they were doing. It really was. But it also felt like something that they should be doing the longer they sit together, making small talk as she waits for her friends to finally show up to their double date.
“Thank you for going all in on this.” She says, her smile wide and beautiful. He feels himself go a little weak in the knees at how dazzling and white it was. Good thing he was in a chair, otherwise he’d be ass down on the floor in this burger joint.
“No problem.” Shawn breaths out nervously, cringing a little at how obvious his affection has to be. He needs to keep a lid on that. “At all.” He makes direct eye contact with her at this flirty line and feels himself deflate. So much for keeping a lid on it. That lasted all of five seconds.
“Shawn, you don’t have to keep playing it up.” Angela laughs, her brilliant smile still blinding. “Save the material for them.” She jerks her head towards the couple heading towards their table. As soon as they reach them, Angela stands up and pulls them into a hug.
“Okay, Ang.” The girl there chuckles out, looking as if she finds the affection uncomfortable. She grabs at Angela’s arm, who gets the message and releases the two.
“Sorry, honey, it’s just been so long since I’ve seen you guys!” The man was shorter than his girlfriend by about a mile, if Shawn were to be a little hyperbolic (nice fancy word, Hunter). Angela was a few inches taller than him so he feels happy at seeing the pair. It was probably dumb, but Shawn has had a few women reject him for his height, even though he wasn’t particularly that short.
“It’s good to see you too!” The man says, his shaved hair catching Shawn’s eye. It had stripes shaved into it. Shawn immediately felt intimidated by this man’s energy and style. “You should’ve called. We do have a phone.” Angela laughs as if what he said was the funniest thing, batting her hand at the air as if to dismiss it. Shawn just wishes he could make her laugh like that.
“I guess I’m stuck in the dark ages.”
“It would seem so.” When the girl speaks again, Shawn is surprised to hear an accent there. He couldn’t place it.
“Where are you from?” Shawn blurts out. He regrets it instantly as they all turn to look at him with raised eyebrows. At least Angela looks slightly amused. Shawn’s usually much cooler than this, he swears he is. These two are just ten times cooler than him. So he really hopes he didn’t offend anyone by asking that. Shawn sits in awkward tense silence for what feels like probably a century before the woman chuckles, a snort in there as she carries on. Her boyfriend pats her shoulder and leans over to kiss it.
“Ignore her, she might be a bit,” he mimics puffing on a joint, “y’know?” Shawn laughs himself, thinking back to him and Cory smoking. He feels himself relax bit by bit as her laughs turn into giggles. The man nudges her gently with his elbow. She stands back up to her full height from her hunched position, still smiling as she answers.
“I’m from Brazil.” She flips her jet black hair from her face, revealing a beautiful tan face. Shawn would definitely flirt with her if he weren’t head over heals for Angela, and also her cool boyfriend was right there. “Moved here officially a couple years ago.” She puts her arm around her boyfriend and squeezes. “This one here was the reason I was able to stay in the United States.” He shrugs as she gives him a lingering kiss on the forehead. Brazil was cool.
“Brazil’s cool.”
“You been?” The man asks.
“Uh nope!” Shawn laughs, looking over to Angela to see her smiling, head rested in her hands. “Just heard about it.”
“Well, I wouldn’t really recommend it.” The woman says, a grimace taking over her soft features. Her boyfriend pats her on the shoulder, and the expression drops as she looks down at him. “Anyway, how are you, Ang?” Angela drops her arms from the table and scoots over before slapping the seat next to her in the booth.
“Why don’t you join us and find out?” Shawn watches as the woman sits down beside Angela. They smiled at each other and Shawn could feel the fondness there. He wonders why it’s been so long since Angela’s talked to her. Something pushes Shawn forcefully to the other side of the booth and he startles as he zeroes back in to the moment, looking to see the woman’s boyfriend sitting himself beside Shawn, joining in the conversation Angela and his girlfriend were currently engaged in as if nothing had happened. The man reminds him of Cory with that one flippant yet disruptive action. Shawn simply shakes his head and listens in to the talk going on around him.
“So, how is everything with you and Shawn?” The woman questions. Angela looks to Shawn with a nervous smile, raising a hand to begin playing with her curly wig, twirling the hair around her finger. She bites her lip then and Shawn feels like he might spontaneously combust. His ears burn like he just might.
“Good, I think.” Angela answers, her brown doe eyes still locked onto Shawn’s. He savors the playful eye contact as much as he can. “How about you, Shawn?” He swears her voice takes on a sensual tone. She was trying to kill him. He thinks that he would happily die while looking at Angela. She would probably be the angel who would escort him to heaven. But more likely, send him to hell. Angela would definitely be an angel in her spare time, anyway. “Shawn?”
Oh yeah, she asked him something. Shawn curses his easily wondering mind as he nods his head.
“Good!” He waves his fists in two thumbs up, a go-to when he feels awkward and is trying to seem more engaged and energetic than he actually is. The big awkward smile really bringing it all together, he’s sure of it. Definitely am not an awkward guy, nope. Not at all.
“Oh!” Angela gasps out, covering up the laugh she was directing at Shawn. “I forgot to introduce you!” She motions to the woman beside her, who Shawn remembers is still here. Angela just made him forget about the world around them apparently. “This is Antonia.”
“My friends call me Toni! You can too.” Shawn has to hold in a laugh at what he thinks is an accidental insult.
“This is Amanda!” She gestures to the person sitting beside Shawn, who looks to him and squints.
“You don’t look like an Amanda.” Shawn puts his foot in his mouth yet again, cringing as he listens back to that in his head, clamoring to help explain himself better. “I just mean that you don’t look particularly girly or anything.” Amazing save, Hunter. Totally not embarrassing yourself further or anything. “Not that you look girly at all, man.”
“Shawn.” Amanda laughs, shaking his head. “I’m a woman.” Shawn feels his jaw drop. He immediately snaps his jaw shut with a swallow.
“Oh?” Shawn looks over Amanda. “You know, I also dressed up like a girl once to learn a lesson. Are you doing that or?”
“Shawn.” Angela grits out, her tone sounding annoyed. Well, he might as well die if he’s annoying her. God, he really needs to stop with that. He’d just see her angel likeness in heaven anyway, if he did die. Hell though technically. If he’s being honest.
“It’s alright, Angela.” Amanda says. She turns to meet Shawn’s curious gaze and rests her head on her hands as Antonia crosses her arms with a heavy stare directed his way. It really hits Shawn in that moment. There are so many people at this table with name’s that begin with an A and ended with one too. Was Angela only friends with people who’s names started and ended with an A?
“I’m transsexual.” Amanda continues on. Shawn raises his eyebrows as the admittance cuts through his thoughts. He looks between Amanda and Antonia, trying to ignore Angela’s weary eyes. She was still annoyed with him.
“Oh, like Jerry Springer?”
“Shawn.” Angela hisses. Amanda just laughs, running a hand over her shaved head.
“No, though my dad was a big fan of that jackass.” Shawn feels his eyebrows push together in confusion.
“Well, all I know about transsexual stuff is from Springer and my dad commenting on it. Guy’s dressing like women is what he would say.” He shrugs. “What is it?” Back in the day Shawn would ignore any opportunity to be taught a lesson, but having been adopted by a gay English teacher with a live-in boyfriend, Eli, another teacher, made him more curious about that kind of stuff. And learning in general. Go figure.
“I’m just a woman who was born a man.” Amanda shrugs. “That’s about it.” Shawn takes her in with this new knowledge and wants to smack himself for not noticing these details. She was wearing a jean skirt with fishnets, her dark skin looking smooth. He’s honestly surprised he’s never met a transsexual person, considering how many were always on Jerry Springer back in the day. Shawn looks back over to Angela who is raising an eyebrow at him.
“Oh.” Shawn nods his head. “Cool.” Shawn hates the faint uncomfortable feeling he gets sitting next to her. His dad’s words just echo, bouncing off of the corners of his mind along with the Jerry Springer episodes. “You have a girlfriend?” Shawn looks over to Antonia who looks amused by this now.
“You solved it, Sherlock.” Amanda jokes, chuckling.
“I’m trans too.” Antonia adds, running a hand through her curly hair. Shawn looks over to Angela who looks like she’s waiting for something. Shawn simply nods and says,
“Okay.”
After a moment passes, Antonia and Amanda speak up at the same time, deciding to change the topic with the awkward air hanging over the table. One that Shawn caused, which he hates so much. He’s supposed to make it lighter and maybe a little wacky. Angela does not look like she’s feeling lighter or wacky. She looks a little like she’s going to throw up maybe. Her dark skin looking a little ashen.
“How did you guys meet?”
“How long is our food going to take?”
The women speak over each other, chuckling breathlessly. Angela opens and closes her mouth a few times as if getting ready to speak. She seems to give up with a huff.
“How did you guys meet?” Antonia speaks up after a moment, pulling Shawn’s attention.
“We met in high school.” Shawn says, eyes being pulled back to Angela. “We were best friends. Had been for so long.” He watches her as she twirls her finger in tresses coming from her black wig again. “I’ve cared about her for so long so.” He clears his throat, his voice embarrassingly breaks as he remembers their times together. “It was just kinda natural.”
“Beautiful.” Antonia says.
“High school sweethearts, huh?” Amanda laughs deeply, looking to Shawn. “Very common for white people, or so I’ve heard.”
“Yeah, with us, me and Amanda met after I and my family came across the border. Completely legally.” She stresses that point, eyes imploring Shawn to believe her. He just nods along.
“Very convincing, babe.”
“She was in New Mexico and was a big help.” Amanda shakes her head and laughs.
“I did what was right.”
“And you were a big help.” Antonia glares lightheartedly at her girlfriend. She gestures widely to her and looks to Shawn. “She’s so humble. Too humble.”
“Shut up.” Amanda grumbles with a smile and no venom. Shawn looks to Angela who looks right back at him before avoiding his gaze and joining the conversation without missing a beat.
“You are too humble, girl.” She says, pointing to Amanda with a smile. “You know damn well not just anyone would do what you did.” Amanda just shakes her head and shrugs.
“I guess not.” Shawn nods along, pretending as if he has any and every idea what they’re talking about. He regrettably doesn’t know a lot about immigration and what goes into it. He’d definitely study that if Angela wanted to hang out with these two more with him. He hopes she wants to continue the fake dating plot along with that. Speaking of, Shawn reminds himself he needs to act more coupley with Angela. He hasn’t because, well, it hurts doing it knowing that it probably means nothing to her. But despite that, he grabs Angela’s hand where it rests on the table. He must do it too fast because Angela jumps and pulls her hand away. She sends Shawn a raised eyebrow. Amanda laughs at the interaction.
“Toni doesn’t like me grabbing her without warning either.” She frowns in thought. “Weird that Angela is. She used to be super into physical touch like that.” Angela glares tiredly at Amanda.
“It’s just startling.” Angela says with a sigh. “Don’t try the whole psychoanalyzing shit on me, Mandy.” Shawn looks down to his hands and up to Angela who is pointedly not looking at him.
“Hey, just thought it was weird.”
“You do love the analyzing shit, love.” Antonia reminds gently, patting her girlfriend’s hand as a polite way to tell her to shut up. “Don’t ask questions like a pig.” Shawn raises an eyebrow. Pig? Is that lost in translation or did she just insult her girlfriend horrifically?
“I am not a cop.” Yup. Horrific cop insult. Amanda bares her teeth in a grimace as if the very thought is disgusting. Shawn would think so. He hates cops. You kinda learned to growing up as poor as he did.
“That’s messed up.” Shawn says, feeling a bit more casual with them now, despite growing less so with Angela. “You don’t just go around calling people cops.” Everyone at the table except for Angela look to him in confusion. “Poor guy who lived in a trailer park.” He says in way of explanation, pointing to himself. Amanda and Antonia nod and share an ‘ah’ of understanding.
“True.” Antonia turns to her girlfriend with an apologetic look. “Sorry, meu amor.” Amanda simply huffs a laugh.
“It’s not a big deal, babe.” She laces her hand with Antonia’s. “Just dad stuff.” She adds quietly.
“Our food’s coming!” Angela calls, smacking Antonia’s shoulder gently. Antonia looks to Angela with a wide smile. “Finally! You ever have an all-American burger?”
“Weird thing to call it,” Antonia jokes lightly before answering. “No, I have not. Mostly because I’m uh, what is it in English, amor?” She looks to Amanda.
“She’s a vegetarian.” She supplies. Angela deflates at this.
“Party pooper.” Angela murmurs with an exaggerated pout to Antonia, who just laughs. “You’re lucky they have salad here.” She adds as their food is passed out among the group. Antonia takes the salad and Angela grabs her extra burger before Amanda can.
“Hey!”
“You were just too slow, babe.” Angela teases as she takes a bite out of the burger in her hands. She winks over to Amanda and Shawn feels his heart beat faster. God he wishes that were him. The burger or Amanda, at this point he’s not really picky.
They all eat their food in relative silence, only interrupted by the occasional teasing comment or joke from either Angela or Amanda. Antonia would look to Shawn as they talked and mime talking with her hand, joking about their respective girlfriend’s love of gabbing. Well, her girlfriend and Shawn’s..his Angela. Who is his friend. His friend.
They talk some more and eat, getting more comfortable with each other along the way. They discuss silly things and some important ones. When prompted to talk more about his family though, Shawn just mentions Turner and Eli, to which Amanda and Antonia ask even more questions and gush a bit. Angela stays silent aside from offering a comment or a laughing correction to Antonia or Amanda when they were recounting their memories with Angela. She met them when she moved away with her dad at the end of college. Shawn always regretted not asking Angela out then and there, as she was saying her goodbyes. But he was nothing if not a coward. At least that’s what Cory yelled at him when he found out about him letting her leave without at least getting her number.
He’s just so lucky she showed back up in Pennsylvania for the John Adams High class reunion. And asked him for a little favor after beating around the bush with small talk for a solid and restrained minute. Seeing Angela again for the first time in ten years, he had remembered why he never dated someone again after she left, despite having the reputation of being a bit of a whore. So of course he said yes when she talked about needing a fake boyfriend for this double date with her friends.
A date which Shawn thoroughly enjoyed. Especially when it came to getting to know snippets of Angela’s life and what it was like after she left. Shawn loved the parts of the stories when Angela would smile wide and gesture as she talked. She was a born story-teller. She was electric and engaging. The most interesting person he’s ever known, and that includes Cory and young Topanga, who were both interesting as hell in a very weird way. Angela was interesting in a beautiful and captivating way.
So when they stand up to leave the table, Shawn goes to Angela and laces his hand with her’s, slowly this time. Angela accepts it and smiles weakly at him. She really looks tense at having to do this at all. Shawn wonders why she even asked him here to pretend to be her boyfriend if she wasn’t going to be okay with it. There’s no way Shawn was her only option. She could’ve asked any man with eyes, and they’d say yes. They leave the restaurant with Amanda and Antonia, who wave down a taxi and chat as they wait for it.
“This was fun!” Antonia shouts, being loud for the first time all night. Amanda laughs at that and puts her arm around Antonia’s hips.
“It really was.” Amanda adds, Antonia laughing with her. Their breaths puff in front of them in clouds of cold, Antonia’s tan skin turning a bit red at the temperature as well. Their taxi rolls down the road and stops before their spot on the sidewalk. They both wave to Shawn and Angela, who both wave back.
“Come visit us in Cali!” Amanda calls to them as she and Antonia step into the car. The taxi sputters off, and just like that, they were gone.
“Then there were two.” Shawn jokes with a small laugh. He turns to Angela, who simply pulls her hand from his. Oh, he forgot he they were still doing that. She steps back from him with a smile.
“Then there was one.” She corrects, waving her hand for a taxi.
“Angela.” Shawn says, frowning deeply. She just shrugs.
"You fulfilled your promise, Shawn.” Angela frowns down at her boots.
“What’s wrong?”
“What?”
“You were so quiet for the last half of the date, and you wouldn’t even look at me!” Shawn feels the frustration that he buried bubble to surface and he lets it rise fully now. “Why did you ask me to do this if you hate me so much?” Angela blinks rapidly.
“Hate you?” She shakes her head. “Shawn, I never hated you. And I never will!” She raises her voice a bit to be heard as more cars start to speed by. Distantly Shawn realizes it’s snowing. The flakes stick to Angela’s hair and beret.
“Then what was that?!” He raises his voice to match. “Why were you so upset at me?!” Angela groans and rolls her eyes.
“Damn sensitive, cute, white boys.” She whispers to herself tiredly. “I’m not, Shawn.”
“Then what?”
“I can’t, Shawn.”
“Angela.”
“Shawn.”
“I love you.” Shawn blurts out. Classic Hunter foot in mouth moment. He would try and back track but how could he possibly? And this is something he’s wanted to say to her for so long now. He lets the statement settle and locks eyes with Angela, who just smiles sadly, hugging herself, her sweater not offering enough warmth. Shawn really wants to offer her his leather jacket.
“Oh, Shawn.” She says, a hint of deep sadness to her voice now. “You don’t know me.” He balks at that, stepping towards her.
“I do, Angela.”
“No you don’t.”
“What do you mean?” Angela steps away from him. “Angela,”
“I’m trans, Shawn!” She yells out, interrupting him. Her eyes widen as if she didn’t mean to say that then, to him. Shawn’s own eyes widen but he doesn’t feel that little uncomfortable feeling that he had earlier when Amanda had said that. And even then, he grew past that feeling quickly as the evening went on. She was still Angela. He still loves her.
“I don’t care.” Is what he says, stone faced and serious.
“You seemed pretty damn weirded out by it in there.” She leans over to indicate the burger joint, tears trailing down her cheeks highlighted by the lights outside of it.
“That was for like a second, Angela.” Shawn steps towards her again. “I got over that and like I said,” he shrugs off his jacket and settles it on Angela’s hunched shoulders. Shawn thinks it looks good with her pink woolen sweater and black dress pants. “I love you.” Angela leans into Shawn’s face and raises her eyebrows when he doesn’t pull away. He even leans in. Shawn brushes her nose with his own.
“Wow.” Angela laughs out, sniffing. “You meant that.”
“I did.” Shawn brings his hand up to rub the tears from her face, her mascara staining his thumb along the way.
“Then why don’t you kiss me like you do?” Angela asks, voice taking on a sensual tone. Shawn nods and grabs the back of her head. He lingers on that moment before pulling her lips to his and slotting them together. They fit so nicely, at least he thought so. Angela almost immediately introduces tongue to the mix, to which he grants access. Their tongues play with and greet each other before the kiss is ended to take in less important things such as oxygen. They both breath, Shawn leaning his forehead against Angela’s. They were the same height now. Everything about them fit together. Shawn would write poetry about this if that wasn’t something people around him groaned about when he did it.
“I’ve always loved you.”
“You should’ve told me, you idiot.” She laughs, her breath fanning out over Shawn’s mouth.
“I know.” He smiles. “I am an idiot.”
She nods along. “You are.” Angela puts her hand to the base of his spine. Shawn laughs at the way it tickles.
“My idiot.” She adds as she raises her hand to play with the hairs at the back of his neck.
"Absolutely."
He would never deny that.