Chapter Text
In her mind, Maya knew she needed to open up and not think the worst of every situation.
That would only push her further away from Carina.
Sure, it had hurt that Carina didn’t tell the truth, but she didn’t do it to hurt.
Besides, actually taking that confrontation at the dinner party? That would have been a disaster.
So here Maya was with Carina sleeping in her arms knowing that she wanted this with no one else.
Maya never felt like she could spend every second with someone and not need space, it hadn’t even been so with Scarlett.
Not to say that Maya didn’t love Scarlett, she absolutely had and she still cared deeply for Scarlett, but there were times when Maya needed a little time and space for herself after she and Scarlett had been together for many days in a row.
It wasn’t like that with Carina and that baffled Maya to no end.
She loved having her own space and time where she could just be by herself, but apparently, Carina had changed that years ago and she still was to this day.
Maya looked down at Carina's peaceful face, the faint rise and fall of her chest as she slept.
It was still so clear in her mind when she first realized that she loved Carina, over 11 years ago now.
Flashback to high school
“Can you help me with this?” Carina called out for Maya.
Maya looked up from the floor, “Be right there!”
Lucia was visiting a friend from work, one she insisted was nothing more than that but Carina simply smiled and said it was okay for Lucia to go and spend some time with Joe.
Carina also loved it because that meant Maya could come over and spend the weekend at the house with her and Andrea.
It took lots of time convincing Lane to allow it, but the final argument Maya made about needing to be around fellow smart students to really get her studying going had convinced him - he still demanded that Maya send him daily status texts though.
Currently, books, papers, and articles were spread out on the living room floor in Lucia’s house as the midterm was coming up.
“I got it,” Maya assured, helping Carina take down a heavy box from the top of the kitchen cabinets.
Secretly, it wasn't that Carina couldn't have managed to get the box down on her own, it was more about the fact that this was a chance to admire Maya's strong arms.
But that was for Carina to know...
Carina kissed Maya’s cheek, “Grazie bella.”
“Don’t mention it,” Maya tried to hide how the kiss made her blush.
“So, you’re really getting into this whole cooking thing?” she added.
Carina nodded enthusiastically, “Of course I am, Maya. I’m Italian, it’s one of our greatest pleasures in life, next to actual pleasure that is,” she winked.
Maya rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress the grin tugging at her lips.
Carina shrugged with an air of exaggerated innocence. "What? Am I wrong? Tell me our makeout sessions aren’t the best…” she looked intently at Maya.
Maya nearly choked on air, her face heating up like a furnace. "Carina!" she sputtered, shooting a frantic glance toward the hallway to ensure Andrew hadn’t heard.
"What?" Carina asked, a devilish grin spreading across her face.
Maya shook her head, pressing her palm against her face to hide the growing blush.
“You’re adorable when you’re flustered," Carina teased, stepping closer, the soft scent of her perfume curling around Maya, "So… are you going to answer my question?"
Maya lowered her hand and glared playfully at her, "You already know the answer."
"Maybe," Carina said, tilting her head as her smile softened into something more genuine. "But I like hearing it from you. it always sounds so pretty from your lips"
Maya tried to focus on anything other than how close Carina was standing.
There was something about hearing that Carina thought her mouth was pretty that did things to her, Maya definitely felt it between her legs...
It was impossible not to gaze at Carina’s moist lips, spread perfectly and ready for Maya to place her mouth on.
Maya’s heart raced, her resolve wavering as she stood frozen in place, caught in the gravity of Carina’s presence. She swallowed hard, her breath shallow, and tried to steady herself.
"You're... impossible," Maya murmured, her voice barely audible. It was a weak attempt to deflect, but Carina wasn't the type to back off so easily.
Carina stepped closer, her voice a whisper, warm and intimate, “So funny how you’re always so quiet when things get a little heated, no?”
Maya had no idea what to answer, so she leaned to press her lips against Carina’s.
Carina’s lips tasted faintly of lemonade and something uniquely hers, a sweetness that Maya could never get enough of.
Maya felt herself sink into the kiss, her mind emptying of everything except Carina.
Carina’s fingers found their way into Maya’s hair, her touch confident yet tender.
Soon enough their tongues entwined and Carina felt herself get wetter by the second.
Teasing Maya automatically also meant she was teasing herself.
Carina pulled back just enough to meet Maya’s gaze. Her breath was warm against Maya's face as she murmured, “Still quiet, I see. Guess I’ll have to keep pushing to hear you.”
Caught in the moment, Maya suddenly heard her mouth speak faster than her head could keep up, “I love you--I mean, I love, really like that we have the house to ourselves this weekend. Or uh it’s your house, your mom’s house. I don’t even know what I'm saying…,” Maya chuckled while panicking.
Why would she just blurt that out?!
Carina’s eyes widened slightly, her lips curling into a soft smile as she processed the words Maya had just stumbled over.
Did Maya really love her?
It sounded to tender, so genuine.
Lots of people told Carina they loved her but she never believed them, they always seemed to say it with so little feeling, but not Maya.
She was standing there with eyes that held so much adoration towards Carina.
Maya’s heart began to race, the panic creeping in as her mind spiraled, why wasn't Carina saying anything?
She didn't expect Carina to say it back, but literally, anything would do right now.
“You’re rambling, Maya.” She reached out, brushing a strand of hair from Maya's face, her touch tender.
Maya’s face flushed crimson. She opened her mouth, but the words just wouldn’t come out. Instead, she exhaled sharply, trying to find some way to recover from her verbal blunder.
She glanced down, avoiding Carina’s gaze.
“It’s okay,” Carina whispered, lifting Maya’s chin gently with her fingers so their eyes met. “You’re not the only one who gets nervous.”
Maya couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, her hands instinctively finding their way to Carina’s waist. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me sometimes,” she admitted, a playful hint of self-deprecation in her tone. “One minute, I’m fine, and the next I can’t even form a sentence without tripping over it.”
Carina’s gaze softened, and she leaned in closer, her forehead gently resting against Maya’s.
Her voice was a gentle murmur, laced with affection, as she whispered, “Maya, sei perfetta così… Non c’è bisogno di altro. Lo ti amo.”
I love you. Hearing it in Italian made it feel even more intimate, more real. It felt like a secret between them, something beautiful and vulnerable that Maya could hold close.
Maya met Carina’s gaze, the corners of her lips lifting as she fought to steady her voice. “You—” she started, but the words faltered in her throat.
Carina smiled softly. She cupped Maya’s cheek, her thumb brushing across the soft skin there. “What?” she prompted, her voice teasing but warm. “You don’t like how I say it in Italian?”
Maya’s cheeks flushed even deeper, a little embarrassed but completely enchanted by Carina’s smile. “No, I—” She took a deep breath, steadying herself. “It’s just... hearing you say it like that… I don’t know, it just sounds so much better in Italian.”
Carina chuckled, the sound light and melodic, and leaned in closer, her lips brushing against Maya’s ear as she whispered, “Ti amo.” (I love you.)
Maya’s heart fluttered at the words, a soft sigh escaping her lips.
She closed her eyes for a moment, letting the warmth of Carina’s presence and her words settle deep inside her. It felt like the world had narrowed down to just the two of them.
For a moment it felt like homophobia didn’t exist.
It felt like the hatred queer people had to face didn’t exist here, right now.
When she opened her eyes again, Maya couldn’t help but smile.
Carina smiled, her eyes sparkling with affection, “Maybe next time, you’ll say it in Italian too.”
Maya’s grin widened. “I’ll try, but no promises. I think my American accent will butcher that beautiful language of yours”
Carina’s hands slid to Maya’s waist, pulling her closer once more. “No pressure,” she whispered, before her lips found Maya’s again, the kiss slow and tender.
For Maya, hearing those words in Carina’s language, feeling them in the air between them, was like the final piece of a puzzle.
It didn’t just make her heart race—it made her feel like she was exactly where she was meant to be.
End of flashback
Carina was stirring and started to wake up.
“How long have you been awake, bambina?”
Maya caressed Carina’s back, “I don’t know, maybe an hour?”
“You could have woken me up,” Carina murmured, her voice still thick with sleep as she stretched, pulling Maya closer.
Maya smiled softly, her fingers trailing over the curve of Carina’s back, feeling the warmth of her skin, “I didn’t want to disturb you, I figured it was better to let you sleep after the week you had because of me.”
Carina’s eyes fluttered open fully then, meeting Maya’s gaze, “It was just as much my fault as it was yours.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed the worst,” Maya brushed through Carina’s hair.
Carina's expression softened, “I get it, I’ve got things that make me go straight into panic mode too. But I promise you, there’s nothing going on with Owen or Arizona, it was just…” she tried to find the words.
“Fooling around?” Maya added.
“Sí, it was never meant to be anything else and I was clear about that with both of them from the start. And at Greys people have a way of getting…close, among staff,” Carina explained.
Maya chuckled, “Oh I’ve heard and interrupted my fair share of situations I wish I didn’t have.”
Carina’s lips curled into a small smile. She reached for Maya’s hand, threading their fingers together as she nestled closer, her breath warm against Maya’s neck.
“I got scared because, well, you’re…you. You’re so incredible and it just radiates off you, everyone else notices that too. I forgot that just because other people have a wandering eye doesn’t mean you do too,” Maya admitted.
Carina leaned in and kissed the corner of Maya’s mouth, “It’s okay bambina, I was afraid too, but I’m laying naked up against you now so I’d say we’re on the right track again.”
“You really have a way with words,” Maya laughed.
“But, I think the reason why I got so upset too was because you know…They’ve been with you like that, they’ve seen you naked and had sex with you. I just didn’t, I don’t like the thought of that and I know it’s immature,” Maya added.
Carina’s fingers traced the outline of Maya’s jaw as she gazed at her with a gentle smile,
"Maya," Carina began, her voice calm and reassuring, "I get it. I really do. But there’s a huge difference between scratching an itch, and then meeting someone who can fuck your brains out and make love to you in a way that makes you feel like you’re ascending directly into heaven with the way they make you cum.”
Maya’s eyes widened at Carina’s blunt words, a mixture of surprise and amusement flickering across her face. She couldn’t help but laugh, the tension in her chest lightening just a bit. "Well, that’s one way to put it.”
Carina’s lips curled into a playful grin, “I know what you mean bella, It’s not my favorite thought either to know other people have been with you and seen you naked. But it’s not just about sex for me, it’s about being seen and being desired for who I am beyond my body, no one else has made me feel like that except for you.”
The raw honesty in Carina’s words melted away some of the anxiety, "I guess I just... I don’t know how to share you," Maya admitted, her voice vulnerable.
Carina shifted, "Maya, you’re not 'sharing' me. You have all of me now. Body and mind."
“I will try my best to remember that," Maya whispered.
Carina smiled softly, her forehead resting gently against Maya’s, “And I will too, when I feel angry about the fact that other people have had the chance to be with you.”
“Wait, you get insecure about that too sometimes?” Maya was a little surprised at Carina’s words.
Carina looked at her, “Of course I do! I'm your only one and I don’t like to think about people from your past, but when I do it’s hard for me to let it go too. I’m the only one who gets to touch you and I’m not spreading my heart or legs open for anyone else bambina.”
Maya had always seen Carina as so confident, so sure of herself, and hearing her admit that she, too, had insecurities about their pasts made Maya feel less alone in her own fears.
Carina’s eyes softened as she took Maya’s hand, pressing a kiss to her palm. "No one else, bambina. No one else gets to have me the way you do. It’s you and me. Always. I can’t control what happened before and after we met, but I can control where I am now, with you.”
Maya leaned in to kiss her, slow and tender, no longer in the mood to talk, she just wanted to taste Carina’s lips.
The sounds of wet kisses and moans filled the room and it wasn’t long until Carina kicked off the comforter and placed herself on top of Maya.
She no longer wanted a piece of cloth between her and Maya.
Maya's heart raced as Carina settled between her legs, their bodies pressing closer with every shift. She could feel the heat of Carina's center against hers, the gentle rhythm of their breaths synchronizing.
Maya's hands slid to Carina's hips, pulling her closer as the kiss deepened.
Carina’s lips trailed down Maya's neck, her breath hot and teasing against her skin, sending shivers down Maya’s spine.
Maya’s fingers threaded through Carina’s hair, pulling her back up to meet her lips again, more urgently now.
“I need you,” Maya whispered against Carina’s lips, her voice thick with emotion, her hands roaming over Carina’s back, pulling her even closer.
Carina whimpered softly, pressing her forehead against Maya's as she began to move her fingers between Maya’s legs, “I missed your pussy,” she moaned before getting to work, feeling the wetness drip from Maya.
Maya held Carina's face, "I love you," she moaned tenderly with glassy eyes.
"Ti amo anch'io, amore mio," Carina whimpered as she moved her fingers in and out of Maya's glistening center.