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    Summary

    And Charles doesn’t notice that Edwin doesn't touch him anymore, maybe for no other reason than that he doesn’t want to, because doing so hurts, but then there’s a night when Edwin walks past him and he raises his hand like he wants to brush it against Charles’ arm – his metaphorical heartbeat picks up at that, like Charles has been waiting for this even more than he realised – but then, a second before his hand connects, Edwin pulls it back like he’s been burnt.

    And that, well. That hurts too.

    Edwin stops touching Charles; Charles doesn't deal well with it.

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  2. 22 Dec 2024

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  3. 19 Dec 2024

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  4. 09 Dec 2024

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    The thing about touch is that it works so differently now that he is dead.

    When he touches Crystal or Niko, or one time, even Jenny, it’s like he feels it in his head; there is pressure and his nerves are firing although there is nothing there to feel.
    It’s better with other ghosts, less static and more like a memory of a sensation.

    It’s different with Edwin.

    It makes sense, because Edwin is different, Edwin means more to Charles than anyone else ever will, but it’s also just because Edwin’s touches have always, from the very start, felt the most real of all of them. Not quite like Charles remembers it feeling when he was still alive, but close enough that sometimes, he forgets that something is missing at all.

    And maybe that’s why that now that he isn’t touching Charles anymore, it almost feels like dying all over again.
    (...)
    Because Charles loving him back would make Edwin happy and Edwin’s happiness is the single most important thing in the world; because what would be a greater gift than loving Edwin in yet another way?

    The words are on the tip of his tongue, ready to be said out-loud, because even if Charles doesn’t know if he can say I love you and mean it in every way yet, he could say I want to love you and it would be the truth, could say I will love you and I am going to love you forever, and it would be just the same thing.

    And he wants to say those words almost as much as he wants to touch Edwin, almost as much as he wants to kiss him.

    And that is what stops him in the end.

    Because Edwin doesn’t want to touch him.

  5. 05 Dec 2024

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  6. Bookmark Notes:

    Edwin looks up at him for a moment, an easy smile on his lips, and the switch has been flipped, because Charles thinks I want to touch you so bad, thinks, I want to kiss you so bad, thinks please tell me you will let me one day, thinks I can’t take this, thinks please, thinks please, thinks please.

  7. 02 Dec 2024

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  8. 01 Dec 2024

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  9. 19 Nov 2024

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  10. 19 Nov 2024

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  11. 19 Nov 2024

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  12. 17 Nov 2024

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  13. 15 Nov 2024

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  14. 10 Nov 2024

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  15. 29 Oct 2024

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    😭♥️♥️♥️♥️

  16. 29 Oct 2024

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  17. 26 Oct 2024

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  18. 24 Oct 2024

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  19. 24 Oct 2024

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  20. 18 Oct 2024

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  21. 09 Oct 2024

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