Chapter Text
Beginning AN:
Disclaimer: The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass hoarde of zombies. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!
"Zombies are attacking now!" Aibur cried.
And yes there were zombies all around the forest temple!
"BWAH!" Said Hank Hill, Sage of Forest. "We should get INSIDE instead of standing out to see the Nepeta and gang being kidnapped."
"BUT WE'RE THE RAINBOW CREW AND THE RAINBOW CREW STICKS TOGETHER! :(" Said Dave.
"Yeah, but it's more practical that we run inside!"
So they did. But the zombies followed after them!
"Wait a minute." Said Seras. "I've fought zombies all the time in Hecksing. I should go shoot them and blow them up."
"By the way," said Integra, "according to the communicators, Alucard's dead. I want to know what the fuck just happened."
Hank just dismisingly waved his hand. "Oh, us Sages kind of have to die to activate something. Yggdrasil is in this timeline too, we should get the ship and everything ready in order to undo the curse. It involves something called the triple force power thing."
Since thre is no Phantom Ganon because there is no usual Ganon, the Forest Temple didn't have a "boss" either, and Nepeta was like "shoot" because she mentally also wanted to sneak up on Hank and kill him. But anyway, Hank still ended up in that symbol room as with the other five Sages, and then the zombies snuck up on him, grabbed him, and slowly impaled him to death on poles as they ate him.
Seras was sad. "That's what Alucard loved doing..."
But then anyway the plan Aibur had to be a jerk backfired! Because all six Sages were dead, and remmeber this didn't happen in the Loop Timeline (Brenda and Sheldon were still alive), so we didn't see the consequences in full. Anyway, that caused the Forest Temple to grow a huge flower and then a ship came out. It was this huge, moon-sized ship with, ew, Hank Hill's face on it.
"LET'S CLIMB ON THAT THING!" Nepeta said, shaking off Aibur who was stunned at the moment.
Rose just fired the portal gun and most of the Rainbow Crew was able to dodge all the zombies and stuff and jump in, but Nepeta was captured by Aibur's hands. Aibur grinned.
(On the strange shi[p thingy)
"Okay, what the fuck is this." Dirk asked seriously. Is this the first thing Dirk said in this story?
Thankfully, a holo-board came up with information.
"THIS IS THE SAGE-SHIP. OH, ALSO, DETECTING IMPURITY:"
And then it blasted some laser thing at Aibur. Who stopped grinning.
"OH SHIT!" She shouted. "I'M SORRY! YOU SEE, I WAS BRAINWASHED, AND I DID A PRISM CREW GOLD-THINGY THAT BRAINWASHED THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE PRISM CREW!"
"Brainwashed...?" Nepeta asked. "By who?"
Meanwhile, on the ship, Carl was grinning.
(Flashback, Mars)
"SOUNDS THE ALARMS!" Shouted a topless red-skinned woman with azure hair and a ncie rack. This is the Spider Queen from Lesbian Spider-Queens of Mars. I realized I never actually explored what Mars was like even thougjh it's where Carl the main character of HUC was from. So there's that.
A bunch of topless red and yellow-skinned women were firing lasers and throwing fires and stuff around the buildings, but there was this one green guy that kept jumping and parkouring over everything. He's too good! It's almost like he's a Gary Stu!
But that's the twist: He was CARL! He looked back and grinned.
"Sorry, Spider Queens," he said, "but I found that this planet Earth has a looooot of cool shit. Like vampires. Maybe I'll become one... maybe I'll fuck a hot one too, ha ha."
The Spider Queen rolled her eyes. "Heretosexuals."
"Also, I want to go Earth where straights are the dominants and gays are the recessive and not the other way around."
"I think you mean major and minority, and even that's not true in this fan fic where everyone is banging everyone. 'Dominant aand recessive' is not how it works."
"Hey, I'm on crack right now, so don't expect perfect biology."
Spider Queen trried to use her crystal staff to wrap around him, but he used his sonic wave guitar to break it! And then he ran to the space ship.
"GAH HA HA!" He shouted. Also, as he went ot his space ship, he passed a WANTED poster of him. That said this!
* Wanted for: Punching a guy in the nuts.
* Stealing (jewelry but also fancy expensive cars)
* Arson (No casualties because most Martians are women and Carlson wants to keep them alive because he likes looking at their boobs)
* Drunk statue-pissing
* Being a dick
Then he said "MAYBE I'LL EVEN KILL SOMEONE IF I LAND! ON PURPOSE! AND IF EVEN SOME SORT OF TOP-SECRET ORGANIZATION ASKS, I'LL JUST SAY THIS WAS A VACATION THAT TURNED BAD, AND I'M NORMALLY AN AWESOME ROCKSTAR!"
Then he went in, and the Spider Queen glared.
So Carl was evil the entire time! What a twist!
(The Hank Ship)
Speaking of the Spider Queen, she beamed on there too. Specifically by Nepeta and Aibur.
"Ah, good." She said, "It seems Carl's ray wore off."
Carl was watching the thing from the ship with binoculars. His eyes widened when he saw the Spider Queen. "Uh oh..." he said, then he ran off to the unknown.
Nepeta, Aibur, the Prism Crew, and Spider Queen went on there.
"Hi there." Said the Spider Queen, "I'm one of the two queens that rule Mars. Anyway, Carl was one of us. We Martians reproduct homosexually, so the males are green and the females and red and yellow."
"Doesn't that technically make you two completely different species?" Asked Jane. "I mean, by the laws of biology?"
"...Fuck, I guess it does. Oh well. Anyway, Carl is an escaped fugitive. We just could not accuse him because he had used something called the Omega Death Star MK9 No The MK Does Not Stand For Mario Karg. Also I just wanted an excuse to leave my wife she's a crazy motherfucker. I hate her."
"Anyway let's take this ship off." Said Nepeta. "Let's investigate the Death Star thingy. It may be the key to reviving your loop timeline counterpart. By counterpart I mean your self there, not that shitty 'counterpart' system that we were forced in to thanks to Stitch or something, I can't remember."
"...The light's green on the street." Said Rose. "We should go now."
"No," said Nepeta, "we're in Canada. In Canada, green means stop and red means go."
I had that fact and wanted to make a joke about someone not undersstanding how Canada and EEurope are like Reverse America, but the chapters didn't really have that much Canada it was Zelda sshit so I put it in there."
Then suddenly, just as the ship was about to take off, Calliope spawned from a portal, huffing and breaathing!
"Hellou guys I already knouw abouut the lououp timeline and I came here tou help, eh." She said with a thick Canadian accent. "Doun't leave me behind."
"Where did the portal come from?" Asked Rose.
Calliope held up the split timeline version of the Portal Rock.
"Oh." Said Rose. "Also, who the hell are you?"
"I will explain ounce youu get in the Hank Hill Mecha."
So they did fly... (oh wiat, Aibur called the full Prism Crew without the brainwashing they were still friends, but there was actually 20,000 memebrs total. They also docked their ship on the Hank Gigantic Ship, not to be confused with the Hank Mecha.)
But didn't even get past the moon as some huge wooden thing with wood-tentacles (branches? vines? Eh, fuck it, I just want this chapter and season out of the way) wrapped around the ship! You can tell it was big because of the ship being the size of the moon as mentioned before.
"Ah, this must be Yggdrasil." Said Aibur. "The collective collection of the Planks multiplied the various many worlds theory of Multiverse B. You see, if the Triple Force is merged together, it can grant a wish, like being back to normal. I beleive Yggdrasil wishes they weren't a big Plank clusterfuck." She said 'fuck' really elegantly like." Now, I believe Plank was already touched by Doc Scratch and Calliope, two of the pieces. John, all we need is a touch from you to grant their wish."
So John went over to a random vine thing, shrugged, and touched them.
Then Yggdrasil started glowing, and all the Hanks ished to still be dead because of something about moving forward (I did this same thing near the end of HHC). And then the rest of it reverted in to like billions of Nepetas.
This is also what killed Bill in Chapter 7 of Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage.
"Hi," said one of the many Nepetas, and they were all floating in the air. "We have ascended from sharing our collective Plank knowledge and know a lot. The final battle with Carrie is upon us, our creator."
"I want to explain things in case the reader is confused." Said Alucard. "Multiverse A is where Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage and related fics take place in; the Gravity Falls still. B is Sweet Jade and Hella John. C is The Eds' EDventure and its surprise sequels and stuff, there's a lot of surprise sequels. And D is this one. Gumball Vs Satan took place in a seperate reality but things were so screwed up that it crossed over with Multiverse C anyway."
"We'll head to the Omega Death Star." Said the same Yggdrasil-Nepeta. "You can follow us if you want. Or not, we really don't care."
So they used some kind of mental energy ship thingy and took off, leaving the Rainbow Crew extremely confused.
And then Homer also showed up! And with Cortana too! They were both holding guns out!
Then Integra just them each in the leg.
"Okay, this is weird enough as-is without you around." She said. "Talk."
Then a giant Hank Hill mech dropped down, like the one from Hurrcain. The cockpit or whatever since I'm not good with mechas opened up and Dave was inside, grinning.
"I THINK I FOUND THE MECHA THAT THE MECHA WAS TALKING ABOUT!"
END OF SEASON 1.
Closing AN:
Wow, finally! Now I can move on to other things! Boy, to be blunt, working on this kind of felt like shoving a cactus up my soul's ass. Um, right. Ultimatley though, the seventeen-day hiatus (it would have been eighteen if I included today but I really didn't want to wait, as soon as I finished this I opened up a new Wordpad file and started with OU; more on that in the following sentences) was probably for the better, as it convinced me to drop the old idea for Ordinarily United and consider a new idea that I liked a lot more. If I was still working on OU's first chapter bit by bit daily, it probably would have taken me more to drop it... heck, maybe until I actually publish it and I'd end up with another 360 Degree Duck case where the old version just has one chapter to its name. But still, a 17-day hiatus. Which was murder on my urge to write. It would have been 18, one additional day for today, but I honestly couldn't wait and I used the reasoning that this was the end anyway so I don't need to worry about 'preparing' this.
Anyway. I put up a poll during HTS Season 1 about what you'd want me to work on after its hiatus is done. Surprisingly to me, people actually voted (because most of my polls get no votes at all). So... I might put effort in to making a Tumblr post about that at some point, with the order of which results I want to work on. But regardless, the main things are that today I'm starting on Ordinarily United (as I already said; well, by "start" I mean "begin the new version," since I already wrote a ton of this older version) and tomorrow I will begin Chapter 6 of naruto the guy with the ninja.