Work Text:
Buck wakes up with phantom touches of his husband's arms around him.
He knows Eddie isn't here, he knows he isn't coming back anytime soon. That doesn't stop him from hoping for it though. It's been two months since their last phone call and every morning that he wakes up in an empty bed, Buck's heart physically aches to be in Eddie's arms.
Yesterday was an exhausting day and he hurt his leg, so he had the day off and absolutely nothing to do with it. Along with his bed, the house was empty too. Chris was at a sleepover so Buck was the only one home.
He plans to mope all day, watching movies and eating ice cream for lunch. It isn't healthy, but he misses his boys okay?
Taking a shower is exhausting but there's still some debris stuck in his hair from the last shift, so Buck drags himself out of bed and cleans up for the day. His clothing of choice is one of Eddie's oversized sweat suits which fit him just right.
As he settles on the couch with everything he needs splayed around him, Buck gets a call.
“You up, kid?” Bobby asks from the other side.
“Yes and I even took a shower!” He tries to sound the absolute opposite of what he feels.
“That's great! I'll drop off some Mac n’ Cheese for lunch, do you want something with it?”
“No, just Mac n’ Cheese is fine.”
Buck looks at the ice cream sadly and decides to have some anyway.
“Are you okay, Buck? Does your leg hurt?”
“I'm fine, just a little tired.”
He is tired of waiting for Eddie to come back. He subconsciously wraps his arms around himself, but it just makes it worse. He's pretty sure a breakdown is on its way, so he decides to hang up after saying a half-hearted goodbye.
The thing about him is whenever Buck talks on the phone, he makes expressions that he would make in a real, face-to-face conversation. And when talking to Bobby a smile, albeit a small one, had been stuck to his face.
As soon as he hung up, his face goes slack. He sinks back into the fluffy pillows of the couch and covers himself with the quilt Eddie gifted him.
It was a simple and warm quilt with small turtles all over it. Buck wrapped himself in it, the simple action makes him tear up. He doesn't have Eddie but this small reminder of him, the stupid quilt was making him cry.
Even after almost ten hours of sleep, Buck felt so tired. He looks at the ceiling and sees the light grey that they had spent hours painting together. He still hasn't been able to get the stains off of their matching shirts they'd been wearing for the paint job.
He looks away from the ceiling and looks at the sunlight pouring in from the windows. He closes his eyes and imagines Eddie standing in front of him, and the sunlight forming a halo around him. His husband looks just like the angel he is.
“Buck?”
He has just returned from a twelve hour shift and on the way back home, Buck has been looking forward to just cuddling with his husband after eating the take out he's picked up on the way home.
Eddie opens the door with a strained smile but Buck is welcomed home with an extra tight hug. Eddie goes to the kitchen to remove the food in plates and by the time Buck is out of the shower, he has a feast laid out on the dinner table.
It's the weekend, so Chris is at Abuela's. They have dinner in comfortable silence because Buck cannot be bothered to speak when he has such delicious food in front of him.
“Do you want to get ice cream?” Eddie asks after they've cleared the table.
“If I ever say no to ice cream, just know that I've been replaced by a doppelganger.” He deadpans.
Eddie laughs, and the sight is like seeing the sunset after a beach day. The sound washes over him in waves as he pulls his husband in a hug.
They drive to their favourite ice cream place and get their picks to eat in the car. They play music and dig into the sweet delicacy in their hands. After they're finished, Buck waits for Eddie to start driving as he changes the playlist.
Instead of driving, his husband looks at him with an apologetic expression. Eddie takes his hand and kisses his knuckles which still gives him butterflies. He traces the veins that are visible on his palm with a melancholic smile.
Buck places his hand over Eddie's, concern visible on his face.
“What happened, Eds?”
“It's– we can talk tomorrow. You must be tired after your shift.”
Eddie attempts to pull his hands away and drive, but Buck is faster. He takes his hands in his and removes his seatbelt to face him.
“If it's affecting you so much, I want to know what it is.”
Buck rubs circles on Eddie's knuckles to try and get him to be relaxed enough to tell him what's wrong. It only makes Eddie tear up. He is quick to swipe off a tear before it falls and cups his husband's face.
“Whatever it is, we'll face it together. And promise everything will be fine. Don't worry, okay?”
Eddie looks at him like he's made of glass and one word will shatter him. Surely nothing he had to say would be so bad.
“I have to go on a mission, Buck.”
Of course, Buck was wrong.
What Eddie had to say was worse than anything he could've imagined.
He doesn't even realise his hands are shaking till Eddie holds them tight. He kisses both his hands and then his forehead.
“I'm so sorry, mi corazón. So, so sorry–”
Buck pulls him into a kiss before he goes insane from just looking at him for so long. He is desperate and rightfully so. Eddie tastes like the chocolate ice cream he had from before and all his worries take the back seat, just for a few moments.
After their lips are bruised and they're gasping for air, Eddie touches their foreheads together. Just for a few moments, Buck can pretend that this is just a normal night, but then reality comes back crashing again.
Eddie presses a kiss to his birthmark and holds his hands again.
“It's for three months and I have to leave in two weeks.”
His voice is soft and gentle, Buck knows he's being difficult about it. But from the moment Eddie has revealed the news all he can remember is the condition his husband had returned in from his last mission.
On bad nights, Buck is the one who holds Eddie till he can fall into dreamless sleep. He still remembers waking up to being almost crushed between Eddie's arms as he holds him so tight, fearing he would disappear.
His job takes its toll on his husband, and he cannot stand the thought of Eddie going through it again.
“This is my last one, after this, I'm done for good.”
Eddie whispers, not wanting to startle him.
“You're sure?”
Buck doesn't like how small he sounds. He fears too much for someone who runs towards danger for his job. Everyday when he leaves home in his uniform there is a possibility that he won't return, yet Eddie kisses him goodbye with a smile that rivals the sun and sends him off.
Eddie is brave everyday, and in return he only asks for three months of Buck's courage, one last time. Slowly gathering his emotions, he gives Eddie a smile and smooths the lines on his husband's forehead with his thumb. Eddie nods and there is the smile again.
His husband's smile fills him with strength and courage that will take him through the days he cannot see it, except in their pictures.
It makes him look like the angel he is.
Buck wakes up to the ding of his microwave.
The aroma of Bobby's delicious Mac n’ Cheese fills the house. He checks his phone for the time and squints because of the high brightness.
“Buck? Are you awake?” Bobby asks from the kitchen.
“Yeah Cap! Do you need any help?”
“No, I'm done heating it up. Bringing it out now!”
“Okay!”
Buck scrolls through his social media as he waits for Bobby to bring food. In a few minutes, they're on the dining table, chatting about a weird call the 118 answered this morning.
“And they were in handcuffs?” Buck asks, clearly amused.
“It was probably an awkward talk with the kid.” Bobby says with a shrug.
“You think?”
“Yeah it definitely was.”
They finish their meals in silence and then after clearing the table, they sit for a chat.
“Is your leg okay? You look kinda tired, kid.”
Bobby looks at him worriedly, and then his eyes land on the assortment of junk on the coffee table.
Buck really doesn't know what to say. He got good sleep but he is still sluggish. The Mac n’ Cheese definitely improved his mood but he would need the day to somewhat come back to his normal self.
“I don't know Cap. I've slept since I came from the shift but I still don't want to do anything. I'll probably just chill on the couch the entire day.” He admits.
“Something on your mind?”
Buck just shakes his head, and leans into Bobby's side. The older man hugs him from the side. Buck absentmindedly twists his ring and relaxes.
“I miss Chris.”
“Do you want to pick him up?”
“Nah, he has a fun day planned with his friends and he's been looking forward to it the entire week.”
Bobby gets a call from Chimney probably, and he gets up to leave, but he isn't too keen to.
“Thanks for lunch Bobby.” Buck smiles gratefully.
“Anytime kid. Call me if you need anything, okay?”
Buck nods as Bobby leaves after goodbye.
Buck decides to start a movie before sinking into the couch again.
Once he finds his pick, he gets up to put the melted ice cream in the fridge. Looking at the window, he sees a car making its way to his driveway.
Chris wouldn't be home till tomorrow, nor did Carla say anything about visiting. No one else that he knew was coming to visit. Upon closer inspection, he sees a military sedan pull into the driveway.
Immediately thinking of the worst scenario, Buck calls Bobby. He is going to need someone after he gets the news. Not just because of protocol, but if he's right, (but he prays to all the gods that he knows, that he isn't), he is not going to be able to bear it alone.
His captain picks up the call in record time. Even his calm voice doesn't help the sinking feeling in his chest.
“I need help. Urgent but not an emergency.”
That is all Buck can choke out before the bell rings. Dread pools in the pit of his stomach as he stares at the door.
His next move is to check the Family Readiness Group chat to see if there were any updates. Finding nothing, he paces in the living room as the bell rings again.
He knows the procedure, Eddie and the FRG explain it every time before a deployment. It is a fact that is engraved in his mind. Buck knows what he'll see if he opens the door, and that is what's stopping him from opening it.
Maybe if he doesn't respond, they'll go away and come later. That way he gets to cling to the little hope he has left, and Buck knows better than to do that. The rational part of his brain is screaming at him to just open the door and face it.
Too bad he wasn't listening to it.
Buck was a first responder, trained to handle stressful situations with calm and composure. When everything got too loud to think, he had been trained to shut it down and focus on the task at hand. To focus on the next step until he didn't have one.
After finding out Eddie had been called on the mission, his next step was to help him pack, to ensure he had everything he could possibly need. Then it was to break the news to Christopher, who, bless his heart, had taken it better than what he'd been expecting.
The step that followed was the one that was the hardest. He had been the one to drop Eddie off. His husband was remarkably brave, as always. There was a strange calm in his eyes with unwavering belief. He cupped Buck's face and kissed him, pouring all his devotion into it. And then after breathing the moment in, Eddie turned to leave.
Buck stood there as Eddie walked away. At any point if he were to turn back, to steal one last glance, he would find him right there.
It had become an unspoken rule with them. Whenever Buck left for his shifts, Eddie stood at their doorstep till he was out of the driveway. And when it was Eddie's turn, Buck stayed as his tether, firmly in place till he was gone. That day had been no different.
Bravery was something Buck thought came easily to him, and the people he saves as a firefighter probably agree.
He had been brave to send his husband off and he was going to have to be brave enough to receive him back, in whatever form that happened.
But now when his next step was opening the door to a possibly Eddie-less world? He wasn't so sure about being brave.
It is the night before Eddie leaves.
All his stuff and necessary documents were packed and ready for the next day.
Buck waits in their room for Eddie to come back after one final check. On his way back, he knows his husband would make a stop at Chris’ room.
He hears him gently opening the door to their son's room and probably looks at him enough to engrave the memory in his brain. He could have all the time in the world and it would still not be enough. So Buck waits patiently, as long as he needs to.
After a few minutes, Eddie enters their room with misty eyes. Buck gives him his best smile, a natural reaction seeing his pretty face.
Eddie walks to him and wraps him in a hug. He breathes heavily as he buries his head in his shoulder.
“We're okay, Eds.”
Buck tries to offer him comfort he doesn't feel at the moment. He rubs circles in the small of his back, Eddie relaxing to the gentle touch.
“Te amo mucho, mi corazón.”
Eddie whispers into his neck and tears sting Buck's eyes. Normally he is filled with light, warmth and all the good things of the world when he hears these words. He still is, but melancholy taints the confession, as it holds his heart in a firm grip.
“Te amo más cariño.”
Eddie makes a strangled noise, not loosening his grip for even a second. It is Buck who takes his face in his hands when he feels the dampness on his shoulder.
He kisses the tears away and wishes he could take the pain along with it. Eddie closes his eyes, letting his husband take care of him.
Buck kisses his forehead first, after smoothing the lines on his forehead. Then he presses his lips to Eddie's closed eyes. He makes his way to Eddie's nose and brushes his own against it before kissing it. Then come his cheeks, after which he finally captures his husband's lips.
What starts out as a tender reassurance, turns into a passionate declaration. They only break away for air, leaning their foreheads against each other.
“I know you'll come back to us in no time. We'll be right here, okay?” Buck whispers, eyes focused on Eddie.
“You know I will, mi vida.” He declares sincerely.
That night, Buck falls asleep listening to the steady sound of his husband's heartbeat.
“Evan Buckley-Diaz?”
The voice outside the door calls out.
As he walks towards the door, Buck strengthens his resolve. He readies himself for whatever is on the other side of the door. It's his turn to be anchor right now, until he has Eddie back. He twists his ring, the cool metal somewhat calming him. His husband waits on the other side of the door, and with one last glance at the family picture behind him, Buck welcomes him home.
His heart races as he sees the army uniform, Buck is sure he can hear his heartbeat from how loud it is.
“Yes?”
He confirms his identity and the man turns to face him. Instead of the national flag and his husband's dog tags, Buck is faced with his favourite flowers in the hands of his favourite person.
“A delivery for you.”
His husband hands him the flowers, his lips curling into a breathtaking smile. Breathtaking not only because it's the most gorgeous sight he has ever seen, but because Buck isn't too sure if he's breathing normally.
Holding the flowers in one hand, he pulls Eddie into his arms and inside their home with another. Buck feels his husband embrace him just as fiercely if not more.
“You're here, Eds. You're home.”
He whispers it like a prayer, still not quite believing it. He tightens his hold on him and pulls him even closer.
“I'm home, mi vida.”
Eddie's reassuring voice is what finally unravels him. Buck almost falls to his knees from the relief that floods him. Eddie is back, he's safe and he's home. They move to the couch, still clinging to each other.
What started off as what Buck thought was going to be the worst day of his life had become the complete opposite.
After they've had a few moments of soaking in each other's presence, Eddie goes to their room to change out of his uniform. That's when Bobby rushes in the house.
“Buck– You okay?”
Bobby asks urgently, eyes moving between him and the car outside.
“He's home, Bobby. My husband's home.”
His captain's eyes widen and then he smiles, clearly happy for him. Buck went up to him to hug him, the older man reciprocating it.
“I thought he was– but he's okay and he's back.” Buck breathes in relief.
“I'm so happy for you kid.” Bobby smiles, pulling out of the hug.
That's when Eddie comes downstairs in one of Buck's sweat suits, with his hair slightly wet from the shower. He stands beside Buck, his arm finding its place around his husband's waist.
“Bobby, this is Eddie, my husband.”
Eddie grins from ear to ear, the corners of his eyes crinkling. Everytime Buck looks at him like he is currently, with stars in his eyes, Eddie's heart soars impossibly. He cannot believe the absolute privilege he enjoys by being loved so much by someone as perfect as Buck.
No medal of valour even comes close to what he feels when he's introduced as Buck's husband. It's Eddie's best title yet.
Bobby forwards his hand to shake Eddie's and he gladly takes it.
“This is Bobby, the captain of the 118.”
“Pleasure to meet you, Captain.”
Buck's smile is a permanent fixture to his face as he sees two of his most important people interact with each other. Bobby leaves after some small talk, inviting Eddie to the next dinner at the Grant-Nash house.
After seeing him off, Eddie pulls them to the couch. Buck lays on his husband as he wraps his arms around him.
“I thought you were dead, you know?,” Buck pauses as Eddie sucks a breath.
But he lets Buck continue, to finish what's on his mind. He cards his fingers through Buck's curls, the blonde relaxing with his touch.
“No calls, no updates, and out of nowhere the military sedan shows up.” He whispers.
“That's why you didn't open the door on the first bell?”
“I was scared. My mind immediately went to the worst scenario possible. I thought if I didn't open the door, I could– I don't know, delay the inevitable. They'd leave and I could still live with the hope that you were going to come back."
Eddie sighs softly, pressing a kiss to Buck's forehead.
“I'm sorry, mi vida. We couldn't get any letters out because we stayed off-base for this mission.”
Buck intertwines their fingers together and plays with Eddie's ring.
“I didn't know what I'd do without you. And I never want to.”
Eddie just holds his husband closer, trying to reassure him.
“You won't have to. I'm afraid you're stuck with me, mi corazón.”
“Eres mi persona favorita con quien estar, esposo.”
Eddie laughs and Buck can feel its vibrations on his skin. He looks up at his husband to trace his smile with his fingers. Eddie's heart races as he continues to trace his features carefully, as if he's memorising them.
“Welcome home, Eds.” He whispers softly.
Buck caresses his cheek gently, still smiling. He basks in the comfort of being in his husband's arms and seeing him smile. Warmth radiates from Eddie, and the sunlight illuminates his skin.
If this was his last moment, Buck would die a happy man.