Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chuuya falls back against the futon with a long moan as jets of come decorate his chest and stomach. A final wave of pleasure crashes against him as he catches his breath, moaning softly when he feels Dazai’s warm come filling his insides seconds later. He rolls his hips slightly, to which Dazai groans and captures his lips in a sweet kiss.

Since Chuuya’s in a good mood, he lets Dazai kiss him however he wants.

Normally, at this hour, Chuuya would’ve been dressed properly for work, made a simple breakfast, and brewed a cup of coffee. He then would’ve grabbed his keys and kissed his shitty, good-for-nothing beanpole who refuses to wake up until at least three hours later—which never fails to induce Blonde Glasses’ wrath every day—then rushed to his office.

However, weekends are usually reserved for Dazai’s dorm.

Surprisingly, Chuuya’s the one who insists on regularly visiting the dorm despite how often Dazai sleeps in Chuuya’s place ever since they got together again. It’s honestly to prevent the dorm room from getting dusty, because this is the only place Dazai can go whenever he needs some time alone. That, or this place can be an alternative for Chuuya to crash at after a joint mission between the ADA and Port Mafia.

It’s also an excuse for Chuuya to decorate the room. A few polaroids of them trying to kill each other on the wall, newly attached mackerel and slug stickers on the fridge, an automatic room spray so that the place won’t reek of sake and canned crabs, and of course, stocks of actual food in case Chuuya needs to cook something simple here.

(Chuuya initially wanted to swap the futon for a small, comfy bed, but Dazai had insisted that it’s more fun to screw around on the floor than on the bed all the time, to which he got a smack on the head for that.

…Chuuya indulged him, but still bought him a better and larger futon.)

…In any case, since Dazai’s dorm has gotten cozier than it used to be, no one can blame Chuuya for wanting to visit the place more often. In fact, despite him regularly voicing out his pity for the Agency’s salary, there’s a certain warmth that Chuuya gets from living a humble life with Dazai. It sometimes reminds him of his days with the Sheep, where things were relatively far simpler; when he was just a teenager who was trying to find a way to survive.

There’s a wet smack from the separation of their lips, followed by Dazai’s whine. “Chibi’s distracted while kissing me. I’m starting to think that he’s thinking of other men.”

Chuuya, still dazed because of their kiss and the high of his orgasm, snorts. “You guessed right. I was thinkin’ about multiple men.”

That is, if one could call his friends in the Sheep as men. Technically, they were children, and it’s not like Chuuya was thinking of anyone in particular.

Blame Dazai for getting jealous so easily.

As if sensing that Chuuya’s just messing with him, Dazai growls and bites him on the neck, hard.

“Ow!” Chuuya yowls, punching him in the shoulder. “What the fuck! For all your talk of hating dogs, you sure fit to become one, oi!”

Dazai pouts petulantly. “That’s Chuuya’s punishment for lying to me.”

“You were the one who brought up that nonsense just because I was quiet for a second,” Chuuya points out as he begins to push Dazai away from him in order to sit up. “And pull your limp dick out of me already, damn it. I need to take a shower.”

Because this is Dazai Osamu, the man who oaths to make Chuuya’s life more miserable, he ends up doing the opposite: his cock filling up again inside Chuuya, prompting Chuuya’s own cock to jump in interest.

“Fucking hell,” Chuuya groans—which sounds a little bit like a whine—as Dazai drags him to his lap with a grin that’s asking to be punched. “We’ve been doing this all night long, Osamu…”

A nip to his ear, “Aren’t you the one who keeps on pushing me to exercise?”

“I don’t mean it like this, you ass!”

A shallow thrust to his prostate, “Oh? Then what do you want me to do?”

“You need to, ah, get more sunlight—“

“Mm, so Chuuya wants us to fuck publicly next time,” Dazai says as he rocks their hips together. “I understand.”

“You understand nothing,” Chuuya bites back, but allows his hips to move along Dazai’s rhythm.

In the end, they take a shower together (without another round, because Dazai’s bathroom is too small and slippery for such a thing), laze around with half-eaten rice balls on their plates, play five rounds of their favorite game until their phones heat up, and, well—Chuuya can’t say that they’re doing anything productive today. It’s a nice break from the Mafia’s fast-paced work environment. They also agree to order take-outs for lunch, since Chuuya’s feeling too lazy to cook in Dazai’s sorry excuse for a kitchen.

Chuuya’s in the middle of sipping his coffee when Dazai’s doorbell rings.

“It’s probably our food,” Chuuya says distractedly. He wobbles a little when he stands up, already dreading the fact that both his back and ass hurt, but the food won’t come in by itself. With Dazai suddenly feigning sleep to avoid responsibilities, the duty naturally falls to Chuuya.

(He makes a mental note to drop the food container on that bastard’s face later.)

So Chuuya—still clad in Dazai’s too-big shirt with only his boxer beneath it, hair unkempt and skin covered in fresh hickeys—unthinkingly opens the door, already expecting the delivery man and the delicious waft of food.

…But what comes into his view is, instead, that annoying smartass detective whose name Chuuya doesn’t bother remembering, despite him being on Chuuya’s hit list for trapping him inside the book back then.

He’s sucking on a lollipop as he eyes Chuuya in amusement, and Chuuya doesn’t know whether he should be more bothered with his inappropriate appearance, or the detective’s lack of surprise in seeing Chuuya in general. As if catching a Port Mafia Executive red-handed in his coworker’s dorm room on a Saturday is a very normal occurrence.

Regardless, Chuuya clears his throat and pretends to stay indifferent by glaring at him. “The fuck do you want?”

The detective puts his hands inside his pocket. “6 months of snack and ramune supplies, delivered to my desk every morning.”

Chuuya blinks. “What?”

“I’m trying to make a deal with you, Mr. Fancy Hat,” the detective states. “I know that you’ve been dating Dazai again for roughly two months, have been visiting our dorm for the past three weeks, and have no immediate plans on disclosing your relationship to both of our organizations despite the truce.”

Chuuya gawks. Who the fuck have been telling all these details to him?!

As if reading his mind, the detective huffs. “I don’t need anyone telling me anything! Of course it’s obvious to someone of my caliber!”

Chuuya exhales, suddenly feeling really tired. “…Yeah. Whatever. So you want me to bribe you with food to shut you up? But if you already knew for so long, why only start now?”

The detective stares at him as if he’s the dumbest person alive on earth. “You probably thought you’ve been subtle, Fancy Hat, but your moans every weekend are growing louder and louder.”

He states it so casually that it embarrasses Chuuya so much to the point his face is boiling. He’s aware that Dazai has neighbors, but his horny ass didn’t really put much thought into them. He tried to hold his voice, he really did, but Dazai hates it when he’s silent and usually would just fuck him harder until he becomes a screaming mess.

“Also,” the detective adds, seemingly enjoying Chuuya’s internal struggle, “you’ve been lowering your guard too much, you know. You used to come through Dazai’s window, but recently, you began to use the front door. At this rate, it’s only a matter of time until everyone else finds out. And you don’t want that.”

Chuuya groans and facepalms. “You’re saying, you’re the only one who knows about this for now?”

“Who knows!” the detective answers unhelpfully with a cheerful tone. He definitely is a liar, because the glint in his eyes says otherwise. “No one has really said anything, but I bet it’s only because they’ve been mistaking your voice for some random woman.”

“Oh my god,” Chuuya mutters. He really, really doesn’t want to have this conversation with this person at all. He’s certain that Dazai, the asshole, has also been eavesdropping. The reason why he hasn’t intervened is probably because he finds the situation amusing. That, or he wants to see Chuuya being bullied twice by this detective.

And that’s not happening.

“Fine.” Chuuya snaps after a moment, gritting his teeth. “6 months of supplying your stupid snacks—“

“And ramune!”

“—and in exchange, you don’t get to flap your gums about our relationship to anyone. Is that clear?”

“Crystal clear!” The detective salutes with a self-satisfied smirk. “Pleased to work with you, Mr. Fancy Hat!”

Chuuya clicks his tongue. “Shut up and get out of my sight.”

With a hum, the detective pivots on his heels, but stops abruptly before Chuuya can slam the door to his face. “Oh, one more thing,” he adds, catching Chuuya’s attention, “can you please not go at it too hard next time? My room is exactly below Dazai’s, and I’m afraid that the ceiling’s gonna break with all the rattling and thumping. Thanks!”

With that, Ranpo gets to live for another day, because Dazai quickly pulls Chuuya back into his dorm before he can impulsively decide to use For the Tainted Sorrow on Ranpo and throw him to the nearest barrel.

It’s sufficient to say that his encounter with Ranpo makes Chuuya a bit more cautious of his surroundings this time.

Dazai had laughed at him for indulging Ranpo’s demands—as if he was not the one who coaxed all of those noises out of Chuuya—and now he’s getting no sex for a week. He’s been whining about cruel and stingy chibis for three days straight now, but Chuuya knows he’s just being dramatic. If Chuuya could live without getting much action during the 4 years of their separation, then what’s a week of celibacy going to cause?

(…Well, Chuuya did touch himself occasionally to release some tension, but masturbations don’t count, damn it!)

In any case, the Port Mafia and the Agency have a joint meeting today, and Chuuya has threatened to cut off Dazai’s dick if he ever made a scene. The veteran Port Mafia members might already get used to Soukoku’s antics during their teenage years, but the same cannot be said for the Agency members. In order not to rouse suspicions, it's best for him and Dazai to not interact too much there.

Dazai is not in the Agency when Chuuya arrives with Kouyou and the Black Lizard. Atsushi said that he was last spotted at the cafe below, which earned a grumble from Kunikida—something about a lazy pile of bandages disrupting his perfect schedule. Mori is still talking privately to Fukuzawa inside the latter’s office, so the others have a little bit of free time to kill before the meeting officially starts.

When Atsushi accidentally lets out a yawn, he squeaks and apologizes.

“You look tired, kid,” Yosano comments curiously, noticing the dark circles under Atsushi’s eyes, “Something’s been keeping you up?”

At that, Atsushi sheepishly scratches his cheek—the same cheeks that are starting to turn red. “I—uh, umm, it’s nothing, really… I just had a hard time sleeping because of, um, something.”

“Something?” Yosano quirks a brow. “Like what?”

Nervous laughter escapes Atsushi’s mouth, “Ahahaha! It’s really nothing, I swea—“

“It’s because of the noises from the room next to us.”

Chuuya’s really lucky that everyone in the meeting room collectively looks at Kyouka, because that means he won’t have to explain why his own cheeks suddenly grow redder.

“The room next to you?” Tanizaki asks. “Your room is between Kunikida-san and Dazai-san, right?”

Kyouka nods. “Kunikida-san never makes much noise aside from blasting alarms at certain hours. So, if we ever heard any peculiar noises, those must be coming from Dazai-san.”

Fuck, this is bad. Turns out, the room beside Dazai’s own belongs to Jinko and Kyouka. As a seasoned mafioso, it’s actually really easy for Chuuya to find each Agency member’s room number. It’s just, Chuuya had never felt the need to go that far. After all, Dazai’s room is located at the farthest end of the hall, which Chuuya deemed safe enough from prying eyes.

However, he failed to consider the possibility of innocent teenagers living right beside Dazai’s room. Who the heck made this arrangement? Shouldn’t it be better if Glasses was his neighbor, or at least someone who wouldn’t be easily traumatized by Dazai’s bullshit?

Beside him, Kouyou gasps. “Kyouka-chan!” She covers her mouth with her long sleeve. “Did that scoundrel taint your ears? What did you hear? You did not hear anything improper, did you?”

Kyouka’s face remains stoic. “There were thumping sounds and some groaning—“

Kouyou, this time alongside a few people, gasp again.

“—but I assume that it was just Dazai-san trying out new suicide methods.”

The whole room instantly exhales in relief… Chuuya included.

Kyouka then adds, “I actually didn’t hear much because the noises usually started at midnight. Atsushi gave me his earplugs to help me sleep, so I’ve been using them since then.”

“Well, with Atsushi’s sensitive hearing, I’m sure earplugs won’t do much to block out the noises,” Tanizaki muses out loud. “But I wonder how loud Dazai-san was if he could make you lose your sleep like that.”

“Dazai-san wasn’t the one who was being loud, anyway,” Atsushi mutters.

(There’s a snort from Ranpo, which results in Chuuya glaring daggers at him.)

Kunikida’s pen cracks in his hand as realization hits him. “You mean… Dazai… that Dazai… brought a female client to his room again?!”

“A female client?” Chuuya can’t help but ask. This is the first time he’s ever heard of it.

Kunikida’s expression turns sour, as if recalling such an experience truly pains him. “It was unprofessional, but he did bring a female client to his room a long time ago because she had nowhere else to go. She turned out to be a terrorist and is now deceased, but I’d rather him not repeat the same thing again.”

Chuuya frowns as a small pang of jealousy burgeons inside his chest. He makes a mental note to have a talk about this with Dazai later. That aside, if Kunikida is already this displeased at Dazai for having a client inside his room—even if it was probably for gathering intel—then he’d probably be frothing at the mouth if he ever knew that a Port Mafia Executive has been spending his weekends there.

Also, Kouyou would definitely try to kill Dazai first before Chuuya could even ask for her blessing.

So, yeah, no. This proves that revealing their relationship is still too risky.

“I don’t think he brought a client, though,” Atsushi says, fingers nervously playing with his loose belt. For some reason, he’s been trying so hard to avoid Chuuya’s eyes. “The person… I’m not sure if they were exactly a woman, but they had never once brought up work matters with Dazai-san.”

Chuuya narrows his eyes in suspicion. If the kid’s enhanced hearing allowed him to listen to their casual conversation, then there’s no way that he couldn’t recognize Chuuya’s voice. Or, at the very least, recognize that the voice belongs to a man. Chuuya’s gruff voice can’t exactly be considered feminine, after all.

Though, honestly, Chuuya has no clue how Jinko’s enhanced senses work—if it can be controlled, albeit to some extent, that means Jinko had, at least, attempted to tune out the voices (probably in consideration of Dazai’s privacy… and his own sanity). If that’s the case, then him being unable to identify Chuuya’s voice would make sense.

However, if his enhanced senses are always active, then there’s no way he wouldn’t recognize Chuuya at some point. Shitty Dazai’s habit of whining Chuuya’s name every five seconds would also be a dead giveaway for the Jinko, anyway.

Either way, this kid is a bad liar, because he looks like he’s about to explode if he doesn’t let out whatever he’s hiding inside his chest in the next five minutes. Maybe Chuuya should take him to lunch soon and have him spill everything. Dazai did mention that the poor kid has a weird obsession with chazuke, so maybe he can use that knowledge to his advantage?

“The problem here isn’t really about who Dazai’s guest was, but rather about how loud Dazai and his guest were, right?” Yosano asks. “You should at least tell him that you were disturbed, Atsushi. I can’t hear much because my room’s downstairs, but even I can imagine how bad it is being Dazai’s neighbor.”

“I have offered if Atsushi wanted me to kick down their door and warn them, but he’s always refused,” Kyouka says. “I fail to understand why, because Atsushi never tells me.”

“I, I just think it’s rude!” Atsushi defends himself. “Andscary,” he adds under his breath, as he chances a nervous glance towards Chuuya, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the redhead himself. “I’ve been thinking about talking to Dazai-san privately about it anyway! So, um, yeah! Not a big deal!”

Before Chuuya can register the implications of Atsushi’s odd behavior in his mind, Mori, Fukuzawa, and surprisingly, Dazai, enter the room, which is a sign for everyone to drop the topic.

…It’s not until the meeting ends that Chuuya decides to intercept Atsushi in the hallway, grunting an, “Oi, Jinko,” prompting the younger one to jump and let out some wet cat noises.

“N-N-Nakahara-san!” He salutes, like a soldier. Chuuya curls his eyebrow in amusement. “W-what can I do to serve you?!”

“Just Chuuya is fine, kid.” The executive snorts. “I just wanna have a little bit of chat with you, wanna come to a cafe somewhere down the street?”

Despite looking a little blanched, Atsushi agrees with too much obedience, making Chuuya wonder how the hell such an innocent kid ends up having Dazai as a mentor. Chuuya then takes him to a cafe that is located at least three buildings away from the Agency. Atsushi clearly didn’t expect this; the poor kid probably thought that they’d only have a brief chat in the Uzumaki Cafe.

Well, the place is nice and all, but the walls have ears. Considering how close it is to the Agency, they might bump into other members during lunchtime.

“Lunch is on me. You can order whatever you want, alright?” Chuuya says with a smile once they’re seated at a rather secluded spot. “I bet that shitty Dazai has never really bought you anything nice.”

Atsushi laughs nervously. “I-it’s fine! Usually Dazai-san bought us lunch with Kunikida-san’s card, so…”

Chuuya tsks. “Damn that mackerel. Always mooching off other people.” Of course Dazai’s new partner becomes another victim of Dazai’s parasite tendencies. He jots down another mental note to scold that fish and maybe permanently surrenders one of his black cards for Dazai to use… not that Dazai has never stolen it before. Chuuya’s no goody-two-shoes, but the least thing he can do to protect Yokohama is by always keeping Dazai’s nonsense in check.

“Um, has Dazai-san always been like that?”

“Obviously! Who do you think is his previous victim back in the mafia?” Chuuya huffs. “He’d rather spend his money on bandages, video games, shitty pranks and gag gifts than basic necessities like food and clothes! Can you imagine having to babysit and spoil that asshole for three whole years? It’s a good thing that he fucked off to the Agency, really. I can’t stand him at all, ugh.”

“But I thought that you and Dazai-san are still quite close?”

At that, Chuuya blinks at the gradually panicking Jinko.

“A-ah! I mean! At least, that’s how I see it anyway! Y-you don’t have to take my opinion seriously!”

A sigh. “How close?”

“Huh?”

“How close do ya think we are, kid?”

Atsushi gulps. “…Uh.”

“Close enough to visit each other’s place?” Chuuya leans forward with a hushed, inquisitive tone, causing Atsushi to break down in a cold sweat. “Close enough to be in a relationship? Whaddaya think?”

At this point, Atsushi is unable to look Chuuya in the eyes, trembling like he’s about to piss himself in his pants anytime soon. “U-uh, t-that’s—!”

“Jinko,” Chuuya squints, “you know, don’t you?”

Jinko, in fact, already knew. Yes, he was lying through his teeth during the meeting. Yes, he could hear everything from the other side. Yes, he recognized Chuuya’s voice; and no, he hasn’t told anyone about it.

Chuuya could only sheepishly apologize for traumatizing him. He had choked on his drink when Atsushi reluctantly confirmed that yes, Chuuya was the one who was being too loud, although Dazai wasn’t being completely silent either. Still. Chuuya had made the kid lose his sleep every time he came over. The worst part of it is the fact that Atsushi didn’t even have to use his enhanced hearing. Apparently, the dorm walls are just that fucking thin.

With a deep blush, Chuuya offered compensation by slapping thick cash of money on Atsushi’s unsuspecting palms.

“Buy yourself and Kyouka something nice, yeah?” He had said, scratching the side of his head awkwardly. “I’m sorry that this is the only thing I can compensate you with. I know that it can’t take back everything you’ve heard, but… I’ll refrain myself from visiting Dazai’s dorm too much.”

“Please don’t ever think that way, Chuuya-san!”  Atsushi had said while giving the fat cash a loving gaze; probably already calculating the amount of chazuke it could buy. “It’s still your choice to spend time with Dazai-san!”

Obviously, the kid was just trying to be polite. Chuuya’s not that dense to not notice the relief (and hope) in his eyes that day.

…And that is the reason why he hasn’t agreed to Dazai’s invitations to crash at his dorm lately, but of course the mackerel is throwing a tantrum about that.

Granted, he’s throwing a tantrum at Chuuya’s apartment where nobody can hear them (bless his lack of neighbors), but no matter where they are, handling an angry fish is still troublesome.

He wrenches his swollen mouth away from Dazai’s bruising kisses and complains breathlessly, “Can you—fucking listen to me first! I don’t welcome you here so that you can suffocate me with your tongue, damn it!”

Dazai whines. “Why would I listen to you showing off your date with my mentee?”

“It wasn’t a date!” A pause, “Wait, how did you—I haven’t even told you, did you plant another tracker inside my coat, asshole?!”

“Nope. It was in your hat this time.”

“You sewed it back?! I already destroyed that one last time!”

“Ano ne, Chuuya.” Dazai looks at him in disappointment, as if out of the two of them, Chuuya’s the one who’s truly lacking common sense. “We should focus on more important things, you know? Why did you decide to seduce my mentee?”

“I didn’t seduce him!” Chuuya kicks the bastard. “I was just trying to make sure that he wouldn’t spill anything about us to anyone!”

“Eh, is there really any need for that? Atsushi’s a good kid.” Dazai waves him off.

“Yeah? He’s somewhat of a bad liar though. I see that he hasn’t been influenced by your shitty lying ways.”

“Eh, he’ll get to it one day.”  Dazai shrugs while lying down beside the redhead. “I still don’t see any use of bribing every Agency member who accidentally found out about us. Isn’t that just a sign for us to announce the truth?”

When Chuuya doesn’t answer and opts to bury his face in Dazai’s chest instead, Dazai sighs. “You’re still scared that they won’t accept you, hm?”

“…Not really.”

“Should I remind you that you’re also a bad liar?”

“Urgh. Whatever.” Chuuya grumbles, not confirming nor denying. “I’m just… not ready to see Ane-san’s reaction,” he admits. “Boss might also use this as a chance to pull you back to the mafia.”

“Chibi worries too much. I can handle them just fine.” Dazai frowns. “I assure you that Mori can’t get his hands on me that easily. I won’t allow him to do anything to you, either. Besides,” he pauses, eyes and voice darkening, “do you really think he stands a chance against me?”

It’s merely a split-second display of the Demon Prodigy persona slipping through Dazai’s perfectly crafted jovial mask, but Chuuya still shivers nonetheless. Working on the side of the light has done Dazai wonders, it seems, if it’s able to make Chuuya momentarily forget the darkness that resides within him.

Sighing, Chuuya then kisses him on the lips. “I’ll think about it,” he mumbles, brushing their mouths together. “I won’t help you if Ane-san tries to castrate you, though.”

Dazai beams against his mouth. “Chuuya won’t let it happen. Chuuya treasures my dick, after all.”

“I treasure every moment where you shut up.”

“There are only a few ways to make me shut up,” a salacious wiggling of eyebrows, “Surely you’d know how?”

“…Both kissing you and stuffing your mouth full with my cock is just gonna lead to you fucking me, and I’m pretty sure you left all the condoms in your dorm room, smartass.”

“…Can’t I just come inside you?”

“I have work tomorrow, shitty Osamu.” A jab to Dazai’s waist, “Also, didn’t I say that you’re not getting sex for a week?”

Dazai gasps dramatically. “But Chuuuuyaaa! You said that five days ago!”

“Then good luck waiting for the remaining two days.” Chuuya smiles and pats his partner’s cheek. “You know what? If you behave until then, I’ll reward you. How about that?”

“Fine.” Dazai hums, giving in a bit too easily. But since this involves a mackerel who survives by frequently scamming innocent citizens, Dazai then pouts and reveals his hidden agenda, “But I still wanna make out. I miss kissing Chuuya. Doesn’t Chuuya miss kissing me, too?”

Chuuya makes a face; the bastard knows that kissing is one of Chuuya’s biggest weaknesses. He just simply loves kissing, even if it’s only ever been shared with a fish. Dazai also doesn’t mind indulging him, especially during sex, where Chuuya likes being kissed the most while being pounded like there’s no tomorrow.

A deep, defeated sigh from the redhead as he feigns indifference. “Alright. C’mere before I change my mi—mmmph!”

One thing that Chuuya has learned long ago about Dazai is that he’s a lazy pile of bandages, except when it comes to sex.

While he enjoys Chuuya taking care of him daily like the shitty princess he is, most of the time, Dazai prefers to be the one in charge when it comes to bedroom matters. Chuuya thinks that being in control has always been Dazai’s comfort zone, a mirror to his permanent role both in the mafia and the agency: the brain, the strategist, the expert puppeteer who controls his puppets from behind the curtains.

Despite that, Chuuya still makes sure to spoil him from time to time. He usually does it as a reward, as an attempt to comfort Dazai on his bad days, or when he simply feels like it.

This occasion, however, would be considered as a reward.

It’s all because Dazai has successfully exhibited self-control for a week straight despite his constant whining and goading. When Chuuya thought that he’d finally get jumped by a fish at the end of the week, the universe oh-so-conveniently decides that Dazai has to be out of town for a three-day investigation. It predictably results in Dazai sexting Chuuya all night and even sending him voice recordings of filthy promises with that sultry voice of his.

And, well. It does make Chuuya feel a little bit worked up. Damn that bastard.

…So yeah, since Dazai’s coming back tomorrow, here he is, planning his whole day to restock his apartment with condoms, lube, some new toys, and… perhaps… it wouldn’t hurt to buy new lingeries, would it? Dazai loves it when Chuuya wears red and black, but maybe he should try out other colors this time?

With that in mind, Chuuya takes a visit to one of the best sex shops in Yokohama (not that there are a lot of them, sadly. Come to think of it, Ane-san has been thinking about expanding the brothel’s business lately…). He’s visited better adult shops, but this one will do, he thinks as he enters the building.

It’s a three-story building, with each floor designed to display at least two types of products: porn DVDs and masturbatory aids on the first floor; lingeries, condoms, lube, and lotions on the second floor; BDSM gears and cosplay costumes on the highest floor.

He takes his time to sift through the aisle and racks, passing through various dildos and vibrators with eye-catching colors and shapes. He entirely skips the store’s porn collections, because Dazai is a jealous bastard who’d even fume at the thought of Chuuya looking at others’ dicks.

Of course, Chuuya’s taken an interest in the second floor, which is where all of the lingeries are displayed.

The lingerie collections aren’t half bad, he thinks, as he admires one before him. It’s white and lacy, promising an innocent yet elegant charm to its wearer; something that Chuuya doesn’t wear often, but would surely surprise Dazai. Snatching the lingerie without second thoughts, Chuuya opts to explore the floor some more, inwardly contemplating other options and designs.

At one point, his shopping basket is filled with several pairs of lingeries, a new butt plug, as well as bottles of lotions and lube. He ends up buying less than planned. He hates to admit it, but buying these kinds of things without Dazai isn’t really fun. Yes, Dazai would undoubtedly make sex jokes and tease him every five seconds, but he’d also suggest a few things in Chuuya’s ears while whispering in detail how he’d use them on Chuuya, making the ginger all hot and bothered in public.

…Urgh, he didn’t just have a full body shiver because of the thought of that bastard, okay.

Sighing to himself, Chuuya makes a turn to the condom section, biting back a laugh at the memory of Dazai’s suggestion to buy glow-in-the-dark condoms. He buys the normal ones, because he knows he’d be wheezing for an hour if he had to witness Dazai’s glowing dick in the middle of sex.

Just as he’s about to reach up to take a box of condoms for Dazai (and himself, just in case), his hand bumps into another hand. It’s a cliche situation if you ask him, but he still owes the person an apology nonetheless.

When he locks his eyes on the person beside him, his apology halts on his tongue.

“Tachihara?”

Tachihara goes bright red and stammers, “Ch-chu-chu—Chuuya-san??!!!”

Chuuya retracts his hand and internally groans. Great. Just great. Of course he has to stumble upon a Port Mafia member at a fucking sex shop which is, mind you, streets away from the Port Mafia’s headquarters! That’s the main reason why he chose this shop: so that he won’t be caught by anyone who might know him, damn it!

…Perhaps he should’ve just stuck to online shopping next time.

“Well, I didn’t expect to meet you here.” Chuuya sighs. “By the way, are you gonna take that first, or…?” He awkwardly points at the product that received both of their attention seconds ago.

Tachihara coughs. “Uhhhhh, y-you can go first, Chuuya-san!”

“Okay…?” Chuuya replies in slight confusion, before throwing the box into his basket. “The fuck are you being so nervous for, oi?”

At that, Tachihara composes himself and scratches his head, “I’m not nervous! It’s just that… I really couldn’t recognize you at first, so I was just, sort of, taken aback to see you. Y’know.”

Chuuya looks down on his own attire—an oversized old hoodie, its hood worn up to cover his hair, and a pair of shorts. The hoodie actually belonged to Dazai back in his mafia days, but even then, he was already a beanpole, so Chuuya’s still practically drowning in it. No wonder Tachihara didn’t recognize him.

“Also, I have never thought that I’d ever meet you in this… kind of shop.”

Chuuya blinks at the admission as Tachihara grimaces. “What? How is that weird?”

Tachihara makes a vague motion with his hand. “It’s, uh… how do I explain it?” He mumbles, not looking Chuuya in the eye. “You always like to work hard even on your days off, you never accept date invitations, and Kouyou-san’s girls said you only visit the red district for business, so we thought that you’ve never been interested in—you know. Sex, relationships, and all. So.”

When Chuuya merely stares at him incredulously, Tachihara blushes a beet red. “Don’t look at me like that! I was just summarizing everyone’s thoughts!”

A dry retort, “…So you’re saying, you’ve been gossiping about my sex life?”

Tachihara looks like he’s about to grovel for an apology. “IT, IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR!”

Chuuya sighs once again, then waves his hand. “Alright, alright, take it easy. I’m not mad, geez. I suppose I had it coming.” He chuckles a bit sheepishly. “But, now you know, huh? Seeing me in person in this place and all.”

Tachihara laughs weakly and steals a glance at Chuuya’s basket. “Yeah, I can see that…” he then averts his gaze quickly in embarrassment. “Either way, I’m, uh, glad that you’re… enjoying yourself?” He says, before adding as an afterthought, “…With a girlfriend, maybe?”

Oh, Chuuya blanches a little, he… he saw the lingeries, didn’t he.

“…Not a girlfriend,” Chuuya decides to respond after a beat while unconsciously hiding the basket behind him. “A… partner. I’ve been seeing him for a while now.”

As long as he doesn’t reveal Dazai’s identity, it should be fine, right? Even if Ane-san caught a whiff of this, she wouldn’t find out… right?

“Oh.” For some reason, Tachihara’s face falls. “You mean, Dazai-san?”

“Yeah,” Chuuya replies automatically.

And then his brain catches up with his mouth.

“Wait, what the fuck are you saying!” He screeches. “Why would you think it would be him! How did you—I mean, he’s not—“ he takes a deep breath, “Where did you even get that idea?!”

Tachihara looks like he’d rather bury himself in the ground than explain such a thing to Chuuya. “Uh… out of everyone, he’s the most possible candidate. You bring up Dazai-san a lot, and there has always been this… tension, between the two of you. Also,” Tachihara pauses, “there is an 80% chance of you drunk-calling and complaining about Dazai-san at our parties, so…”

Chuuya makes a face. So the question about a girlfriend was just Tachihara testing the waters?!

“…Are we that obvious?” He then asks defeatedly.

“Sort of? At least to me?” Tachihara grimaces. “It’s always either work or Dazai-san when it comes to you, I guess?”

“Fuck.” Chuuya facepalms and curses under his breath. “Does anybody else know?”

“…Maybe.” Tachihara gulps. “Or maybe not! Gin and Gramps always refuse to tell shit, anyway. Higuchi is too goddamn naive sometimes, so I don’t expect much from her. As for Akutagawa… you know how he is.”

Chuuya sucks in a sharp breath through his nose. “Okay, fuck. Nobody’s supposed to know, but, urgh.” He makes a face. “At least Ane-san doesn’t know… yet. I trust you that you won’t tell a single soul about this?”

A tired, “Sure, if that’s what you want, Chuuya-san.”

“Ya sure you don’t want me to do something for ya in exchange for that?” It’s a fair offer, since bribery with money only works on those underpaid Agency fuckers.

There’s a longing look on Tachihara’s face as he, once again, glances at the lingeries in Chuuya’s possession. “As much as I do, I’m not gonna risk myself being killed by your boyfriend,” he grunts.

“Huh?”

“Nothing!” Tachihara replies a bit too quickly. “I said, I don’t need anything. I’m willing to keep your secret for free!”

“Really?”

“Really!”

“…Okay, so—“

“On second thought, can I be the first person to know if you ever broke up with him?”

There’s a pregnant pause between them after that, and Tachihara probably thinks that he might’ve crossed the line with that comment because he immediately opens his mouth to clarify himself, but Chuuya cuts him off with a—

“That’s a good idea!”

Tachihara blinks, shocked. “It is?”

“It was really nice of you to say that!” Chuuya nods. “I suppose you also don’t want to miss the chance to beat up that mackerel, huh?” He gives him a thumbs up. “Rest assured, I won’t let that happen. If it did, I would make sure to beat him up first, anyway, so thanks, Tachihara!”

Now, Tachihara looks like he’s on the verge of tears. Maybe he’s that moved at the thought of bullying a fish? “…You’re… you’re welcome?”

Nodding, Chuuya makes a show to check his wrist, only to realize he’s not wearing any wristwatches at all. He cringes. “Anyways…” he trails off. “I think I really need to go now.”

Tachihara straightens up. “Oh, sure, yeah!” He forces out a laugh. “I’m sure you don’t want to keep Dazai-san waiting! See you later, Chuuya-san!”

Flashing a rather rigid smile at the loud mention of Dazai’s name, Chuuya then scurries off to the cashier, failing to hear a certain someone rambling on his phone after that:

“Fuck you, Gin, I told you that was him! …What?! No, I wasn’t stalking him, I saw his bike by accident in front of the shop! He was buying some s-skimpy outfits and—and other stuff… I’m NOT nosebleeding! I-It’s not like I was imagining him in them! What if they were for someone else to wear?! …What are you saying, NO one’s getting heartbroken today, shut the fuck UP—“

“…You’re such an ass.”

Is said in the most disgruntled tone that Chuuya can ever produce, but knowing Dazai’s shamelessness, the statement simply bounces off him and gets interpreted as a compliment instead.

…Okay, maybe Chuuya must have sounded too breathless and satiated to sound intimidating right now, but his point still stands, damn it.

“Hm? What was that, Chuuya?”

Is asked in the most irritating voice that Dazai can ever utter, though a bit muffled, since the bastard is currently inside the bathroom. If Chuuya hadn’t gotten fucked in the ass for 8 hours straight, he probably would’ve had the energy to toss the mackerel into Yokohama Bay.

“You’re such an ass,” Chuuya repeats through gritted teeth. The said ‘ass’ just came back into their shared bedroom, bringing a bowl of warm water, a towel, and a bottle of lotion.

“Mm, so you’re saying that I fucked you so good that you can’t move a single limb.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re an ass.” Chuuya makes a face at the mess on their sheets, silently mourning the white lingerie that was already torn and stained beyond repair.

…Come to think of it, this is all because of his new lingeries.

Or, rather, because Dazai found out that Tachihara had seen Chuuya buying a lot of “sexy stuff solely for Dazai’s eyes”—his words, not Chuuya’s. Chuuya had tried to placate him that Tachihara isn’t the type to blabber secrets, but judging how it had made Dazai hiss like a cat, it seemed like Chuuya had focused on the wrong issue.

Despite that, there’s no denying that the lingeries—specifically the white one—still turn Dazai on, so Chuuya still ended up wearing it. He doesn’t doubt that the rest of his new lingeries will also be put to good use in the future.

The sex marathon occurs due to Dazai’s inability to manage his jealousy and horniness at the same time. And Chuuya has work tomorrow, god fucking damn it.

“I already cleared your schedule for the next three days through Hirotsu-san,” Dazai announces proudly. Chuuya doubts it, because Gramps doesn’t have the authority to decide missions for him. What Dazai did was probably send Gramps to deliver his deal to Boss, to which Boss responded by proposing his own deal for Dazai… through Gramps.

Maybe Gramps really needs a raise.

“Let me guess, in exchange, you promised that you’ll do a mission with just the two of us in the name of Soukoku Reunion bullshit?”

“You know that we have to maintain the truce, Chuuya.” As an expert liar, Dazai expertly evades the accusation. “It’s a good exchange. As much as I hate to say this, Mori likes it when we work together. It’s not my intention to please him, but at least I get to spend more time with you.”

Chuuya raises a brow, sighing a little when Dazai soothes the bite marks and bruises on his skin with lotion. “So you admit that you used Gramps to reach Boss?”

“Hey, I got Hirotsu-san to cooperate with me.” Dazai pouts, this time cleaning the inside of his thighs with a warm towel. Aftercare with Dazai has always been like this: full of pointless bickering, yet enveloped with a warm, pleasant atmosphere. Added with Dazai’s soft voice, it’s guaranteed to make Chuuya doze off minutes later.

As if to prove his own point, he yawns.

“If I found out that you somehow blackmailed that poor old man, you’re sleeping on the couch.”

A chuckle, “When have I ever lied to you, Chuuya?”

Chuuya snorts, failing to hide his smile as he closes his eyes, humming in appreciation when Dazai presses a soft kiss to his lips.

“You don’t need to worry much about that, love.” He whispers, rubbing his thumb along Chuuya’s lower lip. “Sleep.”

And sleep, Chuuya does.

Chuuya takes a final look at the mirror to check whether there’s something amiss with his appearance. Three days passed by in a blink, and he has to admit Dazai’s company is the biggest reason behind that. If that menace actually puts his mind to becoming nice, spending time with him isn’t actually so bad. Truth be told, even when he’s just being himself, Chuuya wouldn’t trade their usual bickering for anything.

…Not that he’d admit that to the bastard’s face, urgh.

In any case, even at this hour, Dazai is still tucked under the blanket like the fishy sleeping beauty he is, and there’s no doubt that Glasses will soon spam his phone with 169 missed calls. That’s a Dazai problem, so Chuuya refuses to involve himself and opts to inwardly wish Glasses the best of luck.

As someone who values punctuality, Chuuya always leaves the apartment earlier than his shitty boyfriend. Today is no different. He takes the elevator, humming to himself while twirling his keys in his hand. The receptionist greets him as soon as he arrives at the lobby, which isn’t unusual. What’s unusual, though, is the fact that there’s a heavy box atop the reception desk which is supposed to be his.

“This was delivered three days ago, you said?” Chuuya knits his eyebrows, inspecting the box with his eyes. There seem to be no anomalies aside from the hasty writing of “For Dazai-san!” complemented with a smile emoji.

“Yes,” the receptionist nods. “A blonde-haired kid with freckles—“ Chuuya perks up at this, “—came to deliver this box. He said that he’s Dazai Osamu’s coworker, so—“

“Did you let him go to my floor?” Chuuya cuts her off a bit impatiently upon learning who the sender is.

The receptionist looks sheepish. “Ah, yes, apologies, your husband had told us around five days ago that there would be a package delivered by a blonde-haired boy, and when that time comes, we are to let him pass the security check.”

Chuuya’s eyebrow twitches at her explanation. He’s tempted to correct her that no, Dazai’s not even his husband (yet, his traitorous mind supplies), but the fact that Dazai seems to be planning something behind his back is more important to note.

The blonde-haired kid, who no doubt is Kenji, has fallen victim to his schemes.

Chuuya sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Did the kid tell you anything about the content?”

“Veggies and meat from his farm,” the receptionist says. “He had requested to keep the contents fresh, so we had been keeping it in our restaurant’s walk-in fridge.”

Chuuya frowns, realizing something strange. “Wait, you said that you let him reach my floor, didn’t you? Then why didn’t he just give the package directly to my door?”

“Oh, he already did, Chuuya-san,” she answers innocently, oblivious to Chuuya’s inner turmoil. “Tried to, at least. But he came back five minutes later and said that he didn’t want to disturb you. It seemed that you were very busy.”

“…”

In a way, Kenji’s not wrong; three days ago, Chuuya was busy. …Busy being railed by Dazai on every surface in his apartment, that is, as well as busy spending his entire days off baking cookies, watching movies, and finishing some video games with Dazai.

However, he still should’ve been able to hear someone knocking on his door. The only time he couldn’t was… well, he was being too distracted by Dazai’s mouth. Or hands. Or co—

“So, Chuuya-san, would you like us to deliver this package to you after work, or—“

Chuuya clears his throat. “I’m going to take it with me now.”

The receptionist blinks. “Are you sure? We can just—“

“I’m sure,” Chuuya grabs the box with ease, “It takes less than five minutes to return to my floor, so no worries. Thanks for keeping this safe.”

The receptionist bows, but Chuuya’s already out of her sight the moment she straightens her back.

Chuuya goes to work in a rather grumpy mood.

Dazai, that lazy asshole, was still sleeping when Chuuya briefly returned to his apartment to store the package in his fridge. Afterward, the ride to the headquarters was done in a hurry, since he had lost a little bit of time due to his unexpected conversation with the receptionist.

Thankfully, he wasn’t late for his first meeting.

The meeting itself is a short briefing about their newest upcoming mission with the Agency fuckers, much to Chuuya’s chagrin. He’ll be assigned with Kouyou and Tachihara as the representative of the Black Lizard to go to the Agency after lunch. And talking about the Agency reminds him about Dazai’s newly revealed machinations.

The thing is, he knows Dazai too well to not smell his bullshit. Kenji wanting to give Dazai some crops from his farm is certainly not a result of Dazai’s plan. That bastard would rather survive by eating canned crabs every day. Even if he wants to get free food, he would make Kenji deliver it to his dorm, and then make Chuuya cook them there or take some to his apartment. Dazai will never reveal Chuuya’s address without a reason. So, it’d make much more sense to think of the package as a stepping stone to Dazai’s goal.

And his goal? It must have something to do with the revelation of Chuuya’s address. What good would it bring if someone like Kenji finds out where he lives? No matter what the reason is, it’s still Chuuya’s address, so he should’ve asked for his permission first, damn it!

Admittedly, his whole train of thought made him a bit unfocused during the whole briefing. If Mori or Kouyou noticed this, they didn’t mention it. They’re being surprisingly kind today.

…Or not, because Kouyou still decides to approach him in the hallway after the meeting ends.

“Ane-san,” Chuuya nods in acknowledgment.

“Lad,” Kouyou starts with a frown. “During the meeting, you seemed a bit out of it. Did anything happen?”

Chuuya bites back a grimace. Not beating around the bush, huh. Kouyou might fancy pleasantries, but that kind of thing doesn’t really exist in their conversations, no. If Kouyou asks him something, that means she truly cares about it, and not just for the sake of making small talk. However, Kouyou can also be straightforward if she wants to, especially when her mind is clouded with concern.

This is one of those times.

“Oh,” Chuuya scratches his cheek. “It’s nothing important, Ane-san.”

When Kouyou merely stares at him with a raised brow, Chuuya gulps and relents. Maybe… a little bit of truth won’t hurt.

“Someone sent me a package today,” he says, as vaguely as possible. “I was just wondering how the hell did they even manage to get my address.”

It’s a half-lie; he never gave his address to the Agency, so the only person who could’ve done so is Dazai. How he did it is an entirely new matter.

“It could be a bomb,” Kouyou’s voice breaks him out of his thoughts, to which Chuuya quickly replies,

“No, I already checked it, and the content isn’t anything malicious,” he sighs, “Maybe I’m just being too worried for no reason. It’s kind of dumb, isn’t it?”

“Chuuya, it is not dumb when it concerns your own safety,” she chides softly. “Do you know who this ‘someone’ that you spoke of?”

“Sort of,” Chuuya shrugs. “An acquaintance, you could say.”

For a second, his sister figure doesn’t say a thing, as she merely eyes him with her mouth hidden behind her long sleeve. “You are still hiding something from me,” she decides, but before Chuuya can defend himself, she beats him to it, “but no matter. You look a bit reluctant talking about it, and we don’t have all day to just stand here and gossip, so I shall let you go.”

Chuuya lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. It prompts a small chuckle from the other redhead.

“You are free to have some tea in my office later if you’d like to, as usual,” she adds. Less like an invitation, and more like an order.

“Yes, Ane-san,” Chuuya smiles. “Thank you.”

She merely smiles back at him as she walks past him.

“…Why is there a small chihuahua in this building?”

“Dazai-san!” Atsushi squeaks the second Chuuya’s face darken upon hearing the comment. “Stop trying to beat your own record of ‘how fast can I anger chibi the moment he steps into the Agency’!”

“Such a record exists?” Tachihara mumbles, unimpressed.

“Dazai,” Kouyou warns him as she comes to Chuuya’s rescue. It’s not entirely needed, considering that Chuuya could always plummet Dazai to the bottom of the sea anytime he wants, but perhaps Kouyou is trying to prevent that from happening for the sake of their truce.

“Ane-san!” Dazai chirps, arms spread as he makes his way to greet the frowning woman. “Why the frown? I haven’t done anything bad. I was just greeting the chibi, was I not?”

“Keep it up and see what he will do to you later,” Kouyou chastises. “The Port Mafia will not pay for any property damages should it happen again.”

It being Dazai being thrown to the wall, desks flying out of the window, tiles accidentally cracking under gravity, or whatever comes up to Chuuya’s mind at the moment.

Worst case, Chuuya always has to pay the damages with his own money, but best case, he can punch Dazai’s face. It’s worth it.

“How about we get on with the meeting already?” Tachihara holds up two hands, trying to give his two cents to ease the tension. “The sooner we do it, the sooner it ends.”

Dazai gives him the stink eye, and just like that, Chuuya knows that it’s his bastard’s way of saying that he hasn’t forgiven Tachihara for the lingerie incident.

He also has the hunch that Dazai’s going to reply with something rude out of pettiness, so he’s extremely grateful when Kenji suddenly enters the room, effectively robbing Dazai’s chance to do so.

“Ah, Mr. Gravity is here! Hi!” He cheerfully waves to Chuuya. The redhead’s features soften at that.

“Hey, kid,” he can’t help but ruffle his hair, making Kenji beam. “Just call me Chuuya, by the way.”

“Okay, Mr. Gravity!”

Chuuya makes a face, but then shakes his head fondly. “Well, anyway. Long time no see, huh?”

“I think it’s more correct to say long time no talk!” Kenji says, earning a confused look from Chuuya. “After all, I did see Mr. Gravity several times recently!”

“Recently?” He blinks, as a bad feeling blooms in his chest. “Several times? Where?”

“The first one is at the Agency’s dorms!”

Chuuya’s jaw falls open as emergency alarms blast inside his head, “…Huh?”

“I saw you entering Dazai-san’s room once!” Kenji continues, unaware of some surprised gasps in the room. “I was about to greet you, but you already closed the door behind you. Atsushi saw everything and told me not to disturb you two.”

At the mention of his own name, Atsushi blanches, more so than Chuuya himself.

“I could hear the two of you sparring from outside, so maybe that’s why! Atsushi was quick to usher me to my own dorm room, too. The fight must be really private, then!”

Oh. Ohhh, god. Anything but referring to sex as sparring, no matter how innocent Kenji’s intention is. Just when Chuuya thought everything couldn’t get any worse. How did it turn into this?! What’s with him suddenly dropping the bomb without warning?! How the fuck is he going to recover after this?! If he knew this was going to happen, he would’ve already jumped out of the window the second Kenji entered the room earlier!

At this point, Kouyou is glaring daggers at both Chuuya and Dazai, and of course, instead of having the decency to show the slightest hint of shame, Dazai is trying his best to hold his laughter.

“Pfft—That’s right, Kenji-kun,” Dazai says as laughter bubbles in his chest. “It was—pfft—Double Black’s secret training schedule to save Yokohama!”

“Oh my god,” Tachihara mutters as he wipes his face with his hand in secondhand embarrassment. Chuuya could even catch the Agency’s doctor slapping a handful of money into the bratty snack-loving detective’s palm with a groan.

“I’m not betting with you again, Ranpo,” she grumbles. Ranpo only grins.

“Ooooh! Secret training!” Kenji’s eyes twinkle in amazement as he claps his hands. “Then, when I saw Mr. Gravity entering a toy store for adults, was it also to shop for secret weapons?”

“……..” If Chuuya could choke on air, he would.

In fact, he’d rather end his demise right here and right now rather than have to go through whatever the fuck is happening now, because how the hell did Kenji keep managing to catch him red-handed at the worst moments?!

To make matters worse, Tachihara exclaims, “You also saw him?!”

“What do you mean by also?” Kouyou sharply asks Tachihara, and Chuuya is too tired to even make a mental note to beat him up for accidentally revealing his involvement.

“Ah, but Kenji-kun,” Dazai asks, sounding genuinely curious, “How did you even find that store? It’s quite far from the Agency.”

Ignoring Atsushi’s mumble of ‘Why am I not surprised that Dazai-san also knows about the existence of such a store?’, Kenji explains.

“Oh, I saw that store when I was walking back from the new supermarket you told me about!”

”Did I really? Hmm, it must’ve been a long time ago.”

Cut the bullshit, shithead, Chuuya scowls at him. You knew what you were doing when you mentioned the supermarket to Kenji.

Dazai lifts a brow. I never said I didn’t, chibi.

Chuuya’s scowl deepens. Don’t tell me you also predicted me going to that store?!

The smirk that Dazai gives him is truly asking to be wiped by his fists. Maybe yes, maybe no~

“I didn’t know that such a big toy store for adults exists!” Kenji interrupts their silent argument. “City folks sure are amazing! I wasn’t allowed to enter it because the guards on the door said it would be too dangerous!”

“They’re dangerous indeed, Kenji-kun,” Dazai nods sagely, drawing an amused snort from Yosano and Ranpo. “Not everyone can handle such weapons. You need to be a responsible adult to use them.”

Kenji lets out an awed oooh. “Geez, I suddenly can’t wait to grow up. I wonder how different toys are for adults compared to those for children!”

Amidst the chaos, Chuuya can feel Kouyou’s chilly smile directed at him, silently asking for an explanation, so he offers a weak excuse, “I was, uh, doing some research on your competitors?”

Obviously, Kouyou doesn’t buy it.

“I didn’t know that you care that much about my business, Chuuya.”

I really don’t, is what Chuuya’s tempted to say, as he’s already gotten his hands full with a lot of things, but he’s sure that Kouyou can read his mind, anyway.

“By the way, Dazai-san,” Kenji suddenly says, “did you receive the package?”

At the word ‘package’, Chuuya instinctively snaps his neck toward Kenji. Kouyou must have seen his reaction, and soon will be able to connect the dots.

That’s not his main concern right now; Chuuya’s more worried about the things that could possibly come out of Kenji’s mouth. He still has a reputation to uphold, god damn it!

Much to his dismay, that dimwit Dazai pretends to think long and hard about it. “A package?” He hums, a finger to his chin. After a moment, he smiles. “Ah, you mean the annual meat and veggies from Ihatovo! Of course, I already received it! You have my thanks, Kenji-kun.”

“Oh, that’s good to hear!” There’s a phew from the freckled boy. “You were the only Agency member whose delivery needed to be delayed because of the new address, so I was a bit worried.”

“Apologies for that,” Dazai chuckles. “Was it difficult to find my new place?”

Since when is it your place?! Chuuya glowers at him, which goes ignored by Dazai.

“No problem at all! I was just surprised at how expensive and luxurious the building is!”

Dazai grins. “Is that so? It’s a shame that I wasn’t the one who accepted the package. I could’ve invited you in for some tea.”

“Oh, no worries about that!” Kenji, ever so kind, shakes his head. “I’m sure you were too busy training at that time. It even sounded much more intense, because I could hear Mr. Gravity screami—“

“AH, WHY DON’T WE LOOK AT THE TIME!” Chuuya interrupts him with a flaming face, conveniently ignoring the infuriating teasing grin from Ranpo and a whistle from Yosano. “THE MEETING SHOULD’VE STARTED A LONG TIME AGO, YOU KNOW?”

“Aw, what’s the hurry, Nakahara?” Yosano says while stifling her laughter. “Let’s hear more details about your training with Dazai. Ne, Kenji, what else did you hear?”

“I heard some screams about ‘coming’ over and over, which I don’t really understand. I figured that it’s a new tactic to announce your next attack!” Kenji jovially replies, which successfully makes Dazai, Ranpo, and Yosano shake with uncontrollable laughter. “Other than that, I didn’t hear much, Yosano-sensei!”

Because the universe hates Chuuya, of course Kenji doesn’t fucking stop there, “Though, I’ve also been wondering about something!”

To Chuuya’s horror, Kenji turns in his direction, and asks him with two big innocent eyes, “Mr. Gravity, why did Dazai-san call you ‘babygirl’?”

Turns out, everyone more or less has already suspected that they’re an item.

“That’s the point that I want to prove to you, slug! You’ve been worried for nothing. See? Everyone doesn’t mind, just like I told you,” Dazai whines. “It’s not about embarrassing you publicly, and you know that!”

Chuuya knows.

The reason why Dazai chose Kenji as the ‘announcer’ of their relationship is because of the kid’s ability to connect with everyone in the room. Everyone likes Kenji. No one can get mad at him—not even Kouyou. It’s the universal truth.

In other circumstances, Kouyou would’ve had Dazai’s head if it was announced by the beanpole himself. They’d also have to suffer from a long, long interrogation—ehm, shovel talk—with her afterward. To avoid that situation, Dazai had orchestrated the revelation to occur before a meeting, forcing Kouyou to prioritize the case first and foremost. She’d undoubtedly be a lot calmer once she decides to interrogate them later.

As usual, it’s quite… a well-thought plan, as much as Chuuya loathes to admit it.

Despite that, he still huffs as he continues sulking on Dazai’s dorm ceiling, arms hugging his knees which are tucked to his chest. It’s a bit futile, given that the dorm ceiling isn’t that high, which makes it easier for Dazai to cancel out his ability and make him fall.

Surprisingly, Dazai is still letting him have his space. Not for long, probably, but still. The thought counts.

“Chuuuyaaa,” he whines again. “Are you seriously mad at me?”

Chuuya huffs again. Honestly, if they were any normal couple, they’d have broken up years ago. However, they’re not just anyone. They’re Double Black, for fuck’s sake; being normal has never been on the table for them. That’s why he can confidently say that Dazai’s plan is admittedly much tamer than usual.

It’s not like Chuuya wouldn’t do the same. Heck, Chuuya himself had embarrassed Dazai several times in the past; his favorite is reading 15-year-old Dazai’s Dark Edgy Lord diary out loud to the Agency. Dazai refused to come out of bed seven days straight after that. Such nice memories.

Still, that doesn’t mean he can’t be pissed—both at Dazai and to himself. He’s pissed at his inability to be quiet during sex, and he’s pissed at Dazai for taking advantage of it by creating an elaborate scheme based on that problem alone, leading to Kenji, Atsushi, and Ranpo sniffing them out in the most humiliating way.

But admitting this to that bastard is not really an option either, because he’s just going to get all fufufu and smug and annoying about it, so—urrrggghhhhh.

“Shut up,” is all he says. “Leave me alone.”

He hears Dazai sighing. Not in defeat, but in exasperated fondness. He feels a tap on his nape, and the next thing he knows, he’s already in Dazai’s lap.

“I’m sorry,” Dazai pulls him into his arms and whispers. “I didn’t know it’d upset you that much. I just thought that—“

“No. Shut up. I’m not that mad.” Chuuya mumbles and punches his chest lightly. “I’m just pissed, is all. I was the one who wanted to keep us a secret, but I didn’t realize that I was the one who was being too loud. Even without your shitty schemes, we would’ve gotten found out easily, anyway.”

It takes Dazai a moment to realize the implication of the redhead’s words.

“Chibi,” his eyes grow wide. “Are you—“

“I said shut the fuck up!” Chuuya turns his red face away. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Oh, but we are,” Dazai chuckles as he tilts Chuuya’s face back towards him gently. “Now that I know it bothers you, we are definitely having this conversation.”

“Why, so that you can fucking laugh at me?”

Dazai shakes his head and brushes their noses together. It’s so sweet that Chuuya’s heart flutters. “So that I can tell you how happy I am that you always respond strongly to my touches.” He smiles softly. “I love knowing that I have that much effect on you, just the way you do to me.”

The redness on Chuuya’s cheeks deepens, his hands which had unknowingly clenched Dazai’s shirt, are now around his neck. “……I still want to try to be a bit quieter,” he mumbles, almost in a pout.

Dazai kisses his pout. “If that’s the case, I can train you.” He kisses him again. “What do you think?”

Chuuya looks up at him through his lashes, hot arousal sliding down his spine. “How?”

Dazai merely gives him a smirk—Chuuya’s favorite—before flipping him to his futon. The taller man surges down to claim his lips, but before it can even happen, the door to Dazai’s dorm room opens with a bang.

“DAZAI, YOU BANDAGE WASTING MACHINE!” Kunikida roars angrily. “WHAT’S THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAFIA EXECUTIVE—?!”

There’s a choking noise from the idealist as he registers the scene of Dazai caging Chuuya under him. For several seconds, the three of them blink at each other, not knowing what to do.

Come to think of it, Chuuya just realizes that not all Agency members were present back then. Blonde Glasses included.

“Ah~ Kunikida, I already told you not to disturb them, didn’t I?” Comes Ranpo’s lazy drawl from outside, before dragging a stunned Kunikida out of the room by the back of his collar. Not unlike a mother cat dragging its kitten. “Sorry for that, Dazai and Mr. Fancy Hat! Can’t promise it won’t happen again, though.”

With that, the door is closed with a click, leaving them staring at each other dumbfoundedly.

“You know what, Mackerel,” Chuuya finally breaks the silence with an unimpressed face, “I changed my mind. I'm gonna moan so loud that they won't get any damn sleep for a whole week.”

He gets Dazai barking out laughter at that, before slotting their lips together afterward. And in between playful kisses and matching grins, it gets Chuuya into thinking that maybe, just maybe...

...This whole situation isn’t as bad as he had thought.