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Even the most ferocious of demons have their off days. That’s what Ibaraki would often tell herself, even if she couldn’t quite get herself to believe the words. Being reunited with her favorite oni–favorite anything–in the world made her ecstatic, of course, but life after death wasn’t always so pretty. Even amidst all the gaiety and joy, the bloodshed and adrenaline, the pleasure of fulfilling their most basic needs and some luxuries more, the past was inescapable. Memories and regrets would bubble up to the surface for no purpose other than to mock her, to haunt and torment her. Hitting her problems to get rid of them was easy enough, but escaping from one’s own head wasn’t. Some nights were worse than others. For most of the worse ones she was alone. All the better for it, she thought. She would hate for Shuten to see her in that state, a far cry from what an oni should be.
How cruel, then. Tonight, she had company.
“I could use some attention over here.”
Ibaraki felt arms wrapping around her from behind.
“Care for a treat?”
A familiar whisper tickled at her ear, bringing with it the scent of alcohol mixed with sweets. A small dark red square came into her vision, its fruity aroma reaching her nostrils even through Shuten’s invasion of her senses. They had long been finely tuned to her tastes, after all. It would have been stranger if she wasn’t used to it. Her voice, her breath, her touch; they were all ingrained into her.
Shuten waved the treat around in front of her face.
“This jam has the most addicting taste, but I’ve been saving it so we could share it together. I do know how much you love sweet things, so have some, will you?”
Ibaraki couldn’t argue with that. And yet, right now, just the thought of putting that into her mouth made her sick. It hurt her to refuse a gift from Shuten, but as she was now she could barely stand to swallow her own spit.
Noticing her unresponsiveness, Shuten plopped the treat into her own mouth and walked around so she could face her, arm snaking up and over her shoulder. She waited until they locked eyes to lick the tip of her fingers.
Brain catching up to her and not wanting to arouse suspicion, Ibaraki answered the call of her embrace, tracing her fingers along Shuten’s collarbone until she was pressing her hands against the slender frame of her shoulders. She said the first thing that came to her mind.
“Every bit of you is perfect, Shuten.”
The close proximity between the two hid no facet of her face from view. Ibaraki could make out the smoothness of her skin, as enchanting as a full moon in the night sky; the light pink color of her cheeks, flushed from the alcohol and nothing else; the reflective surface of her eyes, pupils dilated and gleaming with mirth; a lone fang glistening in the dark, waiting for its chance to strike; the movement of her tongue as she licked her lips, prudent not to waste a single drop of the sake still sticking to them and leaving behind a luster that could only draw her in. None of it was new to her, yet time and time again she had no choice but to be entranced.
“Playing hard to get isn’t your style. If this is an attempt, then I’m afraid it’s a very poor one.” The words left her mouth with an unmistakably sweet and intoxicating breath. “Where’s that spark of yours?”
She was right, of course. It wasn’t like her. Not like an oni at all. Her gaze landed on her claws, red-stained and twisted against Shuten’s pale and unblemished skin. The two of them were different, the gap had been clear since even all those years ago. If something this meaningless bothered her, what hope did she have of ever truly becoming her equal?
Ibaraki felt her insides begin to smolder.
With impulse driving her, her body responding to a blistering itch she couldn’t help but scratch, she pushed her away.
Shuten stumbled a few steps back, unable to hide her surprise.
“Dear… are you alright?”
The worry creasing her brow and the barely disguised concern in her voice. She wished she couldn’t see it. She wished she couldn’t hear it.
Arms still hanging in the air, her brain struggled to come up with a response.
“I… I just want to…”
Talk.
Such a verb was unbefitting of someone of her stature.
Bite. Crush. Devour. Conquer.
Those were far more common, and far more appropriate. She’d already been subject to all of those and more, yet it wasn’t enough to satiate her. Rather, it seemed now as if none of those had ever mattered to her in the first place. In what right state of mind could she think to reject such an invitation? To push away flesh and ask for words instead, quietly hoping that someday that would be enough? At some point without her noticing, she’d become greedier than she thought.
One monster seeking validation from another, yet that other she found to be so beautiful as to contest even the name. Could anyone blame her, then? A true monster like her transcended such tepid values, the kind that might prevent one from being enthralled by the sweet allure of a man-eating plant. Insulted by the very notion of doing unto others and concerned only with her own desires, a devil that lived for no one else but herself. Nothing was more alluring than that. Such a monster was what she yearned for, all she wanted but could never be. Just a drop of its nectar was enough to rot one from the inside, and this one had been working its way through her internal organs since time immemorial.
Maybe that was why she felt so wrong right now. When she was around her, nothing seemed right anymore, the contradictions piling inside her and threatening to spill out at the most gentle caress. It’s at those times that she could most intimately feel the hatred festering inside her. Festering hatred towards her love for leaving her behind. Festering hatred towards herself for letting her get away with it. For surviving. She could only watch and face the consequences of her negligence. No right to feel her touch, no right to stand so close. And still, she had the audacity to wish that they would one day understand each other in the ways they couldn’t possibly now.
Shuten reached out towards her still outstretched hand, but before she could grab it Ibaraki snatched hers in turn, pulling her in with enough strength to make them both tumble down to the ground. Ignoring the pain of the fall, ringing in her ears, she positioned herself above Shuten.
“Someone’s a bit feisty. Want some blood before the show?”
Shuten was the type to pretend not to notice. Adept at employing wayward glances and putting her problems to bed before they could make themselves known. Ibaraki knew that well. Taken one way, it could be said to be her own way of taking care of her, of soothing her imperfect self. Taken another, it was what made her the cruel oni she was.
But… if she could just ask one question, if she could just get one answer, maybe that would be enough for her to grasp on to. Maybe that would be enough.
. . .
“Did you love me?”
A serious expression flashed on Shuten’s face for an instant before slipping back under the veneer of debauchery most firmly glued to it. Her response came soon after, barely missing a beat.
“I’ve always loved you.”
Then why did you leave me alone?
The words didn’t even make it to her throat before being pushed back down. Instead, she focused on Shuten’s.
Always.
So even back then...
Despite everything that happened and whatever else, she had to believe those words. She would embrace the small relief they brought her, swallow the comfort of trusting that she hadn’t been dashing herself against a rock. That inadequate feeling that soothed her otherwise monstrous heart would have to do.
Shuten wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling her in closer.
“You didn’t bring me down here just to ask me that, did you?”
Until the day they understood each other, that would have to be enough.
- -
“Ahh…”
Taking a sip of her cup, Shuten let out a long, drawn-out breath. She gently brushed the head of hair on her lap, running her fingers through golden locks like she was handling the most delicate thing in the world. The girl’s body, fast asleep, rose and lowered slowly with each inhale and exhale. She scrutinized the peaceful look on her face with a level of care and attention she would be loath to let anyone else see, reserved for no one and nothing else.
“Dearly beloved… This time, I intend to show you.”
Soft lips pressed against her forehead.
“I’ll make sure of it…”