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From Love’s First Fever to Her Plague

Summary:

“She is right between his breaths, in the corner of his eye, hanging heavy on his soul. He held her close for a while, and despite untangling from her limbs, Eddie was still haunted by her embrace. Not a full-bodied presence before him but a ghost, his favourite ghost, of her pressed to him.”

My take on what happens to Eddie and Susie after they conclude their diabolical journey. Longing, unspoken connections and uncoordinated love confessions.

Titled after Dylan Thomas.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Eddie, after so many years of living in his own skin and knowing more or less what to expect, still, on occasion, would be surprised. For example, this morning, he woke up in his bedroom and hoisted up to rest against the headboard. He looked down and could not avert his gaze from a silhouette sleeping next to him. To say the least, he was hypnotised by her gently opened lips, pale skin and lashes, which, even without a mascara, were thick and black as night. Eddie felt like a pervert staring at her defenceless posture, and it made his heart beat faster.

He just forgot what it is like to have someone next to him. It was insane that this person was the daughter of the most notorious drug lord in the entire country or even Europe. But, she was also Susie, sometimes when Eddie was angry, Susan, but yesterday, in the middle of the night, she was his darling and sweetheart. He mentally slapped himself realising how ridiculous his thoughts sounded.

Susie stirred next to him and clutched the sheets to her chest, inching closer to him. Without a word, she left a kiss between his pectorals and briefly on his throat to stop in front of his face. She was glorious like this. Wild, with a defiant look in those arctic blue eyes and a tiny smirk on her lips. She grasped his arm and pressed herself against his body, letting him feel the outline of her curves.

'Morning', She whispered, and Eddie’s eyelids fluttered as if he was Pavlov’s dog conditioned to be overcome with desire whenever she wore that cocky expression.

'Hello,' his voice came out low and hoarse. He could tell she liked it by the way she looked at him. Silence fell when they stared at each other, and memories of yesterday skipped in front of their eyes. Her fingers slipped into his hair, and his chest instantly flared with intense need.

'I have to kiss you, Susie.' She laughed and almost rolled her eyes. He was pathetic but could pull it off.

'It is never how did you sleep? Or are you hungry?'

'I don’t care.' Sometimes, shamelessness could get him far. 'I know what you truly want.'

'I should tempter your confidence before you become unbearable, Eddie.' She slipped her leg across his thighs and let her hands roam over his body, now fully devoted to bringing her pleasure and happiness. He was lovesick, and repressing it simply made no sense because she could read him like a book with one glance into his raven eyes.

'Can’t wait.' He mumbled before resting his hands on her upper back and pulling her to him. Their lips crushed together. He missed this even though he indulged in kissing her for almost half of the night.

She let the sheets slip down her body. Uncovered skin showed reddened marks left by Eddie, a reminder of who she belonged to even when he could never truly claim her clever mind, foul mouth and exquisite body. Eddie’s fingers skimmed over the marks, eliciting a shudder of want ripping through her. This tender touch pushed Susie to kiss him, spiking her desire to impossible heights, demanding his touch, his complete attention and devotion.

All Eddie could do was agree to those terms when he held her close. Their bodies spread on the mahogany bed, tangled together as the day rose above the horizon.

***

Knowing climate gets warmer every year, he feared one day, winters would stop altogether. There will be no snow at all, no frozen lakes, no rime on the branches coiled from their old age. Birds, instead of undertaking a hazardous journey to Africa, will be staying in gloomy England, getting fat and forgetting how to fly. He sometimes contemplated this awful, awful perspective, when having a morning coffee in the room overlooking the garden enveloped in snow.

He turned to face the doors, hearing heels clicking on the wooden floor. Eddie took her in, from the red, glossy shoes through her slender, long legs he worshipped and then the cobalt coat. Susie’s face remained neutral when he was running his gaze up and down her figure unabashedly. The long, black hair curled on her arms, the red lipstick made his stomach twist, and those attentive, punishing eyes looked straight through him, scanning his mood, movements, and the tightness of grip around the cup handle.

He wanted to throw the porcelain through the window and embrace her like a creature he never suspected he could be. The cup was also his last rescue, an annoying object sobering him up and forcing him to stay still.

‘Your Grace’, Susie welcomed him, mocking seriousness. ‘Winter in Halstead Manor is more beautiful every year. Snow in London looks like angels made fun of humans and pissed on it before throwing it from the sky.’

Eddie chuckled and looked at her with a wide, honest smile. He noticed she enjoyed making him laugh with her punchy wit.

‘I see you are in a good mood today.’ He concluded when inviting her to his study with a gesture of a hand. ‘This heightens my spirits too.’

She briefly looked into his eyes, probably surprised by his directness. This was everything to him, these stolen glances filled to the brim with understanding, twisting his insights in every direction.

At least until they discussed their operations, because then their meeting would become strictly professional since their business was literally a matter of life and death to both them and their families.

Therefore, he could not simply get closer and touch her whenever he wanted. They put some rules in place, which he despised but obeyed, especially knowing how hot his blood could become. If they weren’t created, if he didn’t want to disappoint her, he would have, a long time ago, mindlessly kissed her so she would grasp his arms, trying to steady herself. He would then embrace her while looking at the garden and tell her how afraid he is that this is the last time he is seeing snow.

However, they would need a different life for that, some more time and bravery on his part, as if he lacked any. Meeting Miss Glass and uncovering her layers was nothing for what he was prepared. Eddie’s life was not average, taking into account his family’s estate, but falling for someone like Susie resembled a spontaneously improvised scene.

They sat in the office and started to go through the most pressing matters. Business was good. Their recent success of defeating Uncle Stan has been accepted as a triumph and they were in the position of strength.

After they finished, Susie was still sitting opposite him. She was waiting for him to decide what they should do next. Should she go, or maybe he would find an excuse to keep her close? It was not strictly within the agreement's lines, but they allowed a wide interpretation.

‘Would you like to take a walk with me in the park?’

Susie smirked in response.

‘With pleasure, Mr. Darcy.’ She made fun of him, but he just shook his head, hearing how unserious she was. ‘But I will need different shoes.’

Yes, her red boots were no suitable for an exploration of winter countryside.

‘Let me find something.’

After a while, he came back with Hunters’ black wellingtons. When Susie reached for them, he just dismissed her hand and kneeled in front of her. She stilled for a second but almost shyly let him grab her ankle and slowly unzip the leather. He smiled at Susie, reassuring her that he did not mean any harm.

Her gaze was transfixed on him; she probably could not really comprehend this gesture. It was almost like pleading allegiance, being her servant, subordinating to her needs, even if she was perfectly capable of dressing herself. Eddie did not have to tell, he wanted to show it, prove that his devotion was undying.

He may not demonstrate it constantly, but it is always there. Always with him. She is right between his breaths, in the corner of his eye, hanging heavy on his soul.

He held her close for a while, and despite untangling from her limbs, Eddie was still haunted by her embrace. Not a full-bodied presence before him but a ghost, his favourite ghost, of her pressed to him.

After helping with the shoes, he lingered a bit, with the hand on her knee and eyes meeting hers. They were darker now. It was his doing. He caused this storm to unravel and fight inside of her. Soon, it will swallow them both, cover them with waters of want and oblivion, when they fall together into the ocean foam of his white, starched sheets in the master bedroom. With only one touch, he was making a promise, silently saying, I still want you, I did not forget.

They walked out to the backyard garden and proceeded in the direction of a forest filled with trees which branches seemed almost black. Their temporary nakedness was covered with pristinely white snow. As if angels respected this place too much to play out their tricks here.

‘You whose face have felt the winter's wind, whose eye has seen the snow clouds hung in mist, and the black elm tops among the freezing stars, to thee the spring will be a harvest-time.” Eddie recited when they walked along the lake, on the breach of the forest. Susie looked up at him, trying to find a reason for this pensiveness. ‘You may laugh, but I loved poetry in high school. I even had Keats’ poems with me in Turkey.’

At once her eyes were overcome with tenderness they rarely bore, even whilst she was falling apart in his arms. ‘God, Eddie, you are unfathomed.’

‘I know it does not really present me as a suitable partner in crime.’ He tilted his head looking into the grey skies above, capriciously self-aware of potential judgment.

‘Don’t be absurd. You are irreplaceable, Edward.’ He looked down raising his eyebrows but Susie’s cheekbones were brought up by her honest smile. ‘It is all so new.’

He understood. It was the same for him. Eddie did not know how to react to a sudden need to halt and simply kiss her lips. Instead, Eddie chose to stare as she was looking down at her black wellingtons also unsure how to process this confession.

‘On my post, days were uneventful. We were controlling borders, checking documents and bringing supplies to cross-border villages. The inhabitants were hospitable but they also distrusted us. Rightfully so, I guess…’

‘But it wasn’t all there was?’

‘No, Susie, not all. I heard gossip during training. Right before deployment, one of the higher-ranked officers mentioned the possibility of some extra tasks being assigned to us. We were a blue-ribbon division, our training focused on reconnaissance, but it developed all different sorts of skill sets.’

‘Killing included.’ Susie supplied. They stopped on the other side of the lake and faced each other now.

‘Indeed.’ He never told anyone the next part. The after-sunset part. ‘But during nights, it was all different. We used to be paired with other divisions from France or the United States, and we would go across the border. Into the war. We would trace particularly dangerous groups patrolling the border. We had to eliminate them. They were not primitive. Many were trained by Americans. They fought bravely and ruthlessly, but we were soundless, perfectly thorough, and cruel. At night, it felt surreal. Never realised its impact.’

‘That is why you never came back? Your mum told me you were away for 8 years.’

He put his hands in the pockets of a Barbour jacket and shrugged his shoulders.

‘Think so, yes. When I left, I was angry. Disappointed with my prospects. Not with being the second son but with society to which I had to adjust. The rules and traditions are ridiculous. You know that. So I chose something agreeable that provided a way out.’ She was letting him continue, get it off his chest. He felt it was right to tell her this and strengthen her trust. ‘I never hated people I killed. The army wanted us to but what I felt was mostly indifference. I admired them in a way. They have probably done horrible things, but because I have never seen them doing it, I had no proof. What was real was that they were all so young. They fought that way, too. Officers were telling us it is service, it is for the country, His Majesty, for peace. For our egos and primal bloodthirst. I don’t know what I believed but had some convenient truth to get me through the days.’

‘You were young too, Eddie.’ She almost whispered. He had to swallow the thickness in his throat to continue.

‘I blended in so well. I have always known just this one thing. It was comforting in a way. Maybe what I was telling myself was that now my ancestors are truly proud of me. That I am fulfilling my purpose.’

Susie looked at him with lips forming a thin line. She moved closer and grabbed around his wrist.

‘Eddie, look at me. Your purpose is your family, there is more to you than what happened in Syria. If you want me to say it, I can. I forgive you for everything. For every person you killed. But this is exactly what will make us invincible. Together.’

Eddie felt something unlocking, untangling within him. Beforehand, it was tightly shut, closed to his inner radar. Now, it was stepping forward, feeling places where he felt a beaming void, where he was left undone at the ripe age of twenty-one when he decided to join the military.

She was looking straight into his eyes, forcing him to leave the past behind and embrace all that was coming their way.

***

Glassknuckle was famous for its galas, at which young talents from all around South London were presented to promotors. Even with Jack still recovering from his accident, Susie decided not to abandon this tradition established by her father in the early 1980s.

Dressed in a silver slip dress and Versace Medusa high heels, she paced around her office, trying to remember if she had forgotten anything. She looked at the clock and realized it was showtime. The gala was about to start, and she was supposed to ring a bell to announce the beginning of the competition.

Outside, the gym area was transformed into a luxurious club where round tables were placed around the main attraction of the ring. The guests were already seated, standing up to pay her their respects, when she passed by on her way to her table.

Susie saw him before he saw her. It was already a few weeks after they crossed the boundaries of their relationship, and she thought that the initial spark would have been extinguished by now. It was not. The sight of Eddie was enough for her body to remember all the places where he touched, sucked and kissed. She wanted to go directly to him and feel his hands resting on her back, informing everyone loud and clear what they were now. Susie was the house, the establishment, she did not fear anyone, much less what anyone had to say about her choice of a partner.

When Edward finally looked at her, turning his face away from Freddie, his eyes slowly dragged down her body. His lips curved into a smile betraying his thoughts, at least to her. He wanted her, and she knew that when she stopped in front of them, looking straight into his eyes. She barely registered Freddie frowning but staying silent for his own good.

'You are killing every man sitting in this room.' Eddie whispered into her ear after she rang the bell, and they sat down to watch the first fight. She hoped people around them were too focused on boxers to notice how he leaned over her.

'I need just one to stay alive.' She turned her head. Eddie was just inches away from her, his whisky breath landing softly on her lips. He must have looked like this when he was younger, overconfident with shining, honest eyes. Susie wanted him to be like this all the time.

’He already died a little because of you.'

The crowd erupted around them. The audience stood up, cheering the boxers as they entered the decisive stage of the fight.

Susie felt her body flaring up with adrenaline. It started in her stomach and flooded her throat and cleavage, spreading down her thighs. He was overstepping. She knew that, but she wanted him to.

It got so loud that she knew he would not hear her reply, which was hanging at the end of her tongue. She will put her words to a good cause later. Now, she watched as Eddie leaned back in his seat, sipping his whisky and observing.

She stood up before him when everyone else was turned to the boxers. Pressed the material closer to her body, giving him a glimpse of the curves hiding under it. He licked his lips, and she felt her body burning. Eddie Horniman was setting her on fire for his own satisfaction, as if he had total control over her. That felt right, too damn good.

Susie slowly turned around to clap for the winner of the fight. The Duke also raised behind her and stepped close enough for his linen shirt to prickle the delicate skin of her forearm. This closeness was enough they could allow for in public.

She was just half-mindedly watching the winner being celebrated on the stage after knocking the other fighter to the floor with a series of impressive punches. Susie was more concerned with imagining Eddie's hands sliding down her spine or holding her hip. She looked up to see his face, and the darkness of his pupils caught her breath. He was focused only on her when his eyes dragged slowly down her features.

'What a fucking amazing fight!' Freddie stepped in between them, cheering and clapping like a madman he probably was. Susie grunted to regain her composure and stepped back away from the danger that Eddie was. 'I think I have to start training box myself.'

Eddie raised his eyebrows at him at shot Freddie a look that immediately told his older brother to hold his horses.

Susie chuckled a bit at that silent exchange, which caused Eddie to look back at her. She smiled at him, suddenly moved by his weird yet caring relationship with Freddie, who was picking up champagne glasses for all three of them. Eddie relaxed his shoulders and returned the smile. Susie was warm, felt almost delicate under his gaze, and filled with fondness she had never seen before.

All the versions of him were magnetising and mysterious, and she wanted to unpeel each one and learn it with her heart. The urge to be held by him not only in their private moments but also officially in public sparked up again, and she had to turn her gaze away from him.

Paradoxically, this thought made her more relaxed. She had no idea how to act on it or if Edward would ever consider it, but she was more honest with herself than she had ever been before. Her footing was far from stable, but it was now at least identified. For better or worse.

Later that night, the fights ended, the guests, including Freddie, left, and cleaning was postponed until the next day. Eddie grabbed her hand and guided her to her office. He moved her to sit on the sofa and kneeled in front of her. When he was kissing up her ankles and her smooth thighs, Susie felt like crying because the rightness of how she felt hit her with full force. She threw her head back, dug her long fingernails into Eddie's soft hair, and whimpered his name. He was good to her, seeing what she needed before she got the faintest idea, not only when it came to pleasure.

After Eddie rested his head on her thigh, she offered to return the service, but he just shook his head. She made a mental note to remember it and compensate him later, but for now she curled against his chest when he sat next to her. He embraced her, and they drank and talked some more before she felt sleep bearing down on her as Eddie's fingers ran down her spine and imprinted small circles on her hips.

***

Leaving London before the weekend was always a nightmare, but on that particular Friday, it seemed to be more daunting than ever. The whole day was filled with smaller housekeeping tasks spread across the town, so Susie and Eddie spent most of the time in her black Land Rover. He insisted on driving them to the Manor, but Susie dismissed him and explained that she could notice when he was exhausted. However, now she regretted her decision because traffic in front of them had been standing still for over half an hour.

She rested her forehead on her hands, holding the steering wheel. After a while, she turned, and the view painfully tugged at her heart. There was something special, intimate, about seeing him stretched out on the passenger seat, observing the traffic jam through slightly narrowed eyes. She hoped she would not disturb his peaceful moment while looking at him.

Then, the cars finally moved, and she had to face the road. It didn't last long and they stopped again. The movement woke Eddie up, and she saw him yawning and blinking as if he forgot where he was.

'We never properly celebrated. Winning the bid, I mean.' She started hesitantly.

'I was under the impression we celebrated plenty.'

She gave him a solemn look which was met with Eddie raising hands and just staying silent on the subject.

'Well, I thought, cause everything is running good, we can, if you want to, of course, I do not know, if you like it at all...'

'Susie, please.'

'We should see the Swan Lake with new ansamble.'

Eddie snapped his gaze to her in shock, but Susie's big eyes were filled with hope and expectation. He immediately softened and chuckled, but his eyebrows remained raised.

'I... did not expect that.' He admitted, trying to put it together.

'You thought I would want to see a cock fight somewhere in Putney?' Eddie was silent for a moment too long. 'Yes, you did.'

‘Fair enough, you got me.' Susie smiled widely. 'I can ask around. I remember father was a long-standing donor, so possibly I can pull some sort of a favour.'

‘Always proving your usefulness, Captain.' Her smile turned a bit more wicked now. Eddie leaned over the console.

'Oh, I am nice when a lady asks me out on a date.'

Susie's mouth shut tight, but he could not contain his smirk.

‘It is not a…’

‘I vaguely recall that a box is available on the Duke’s request.’ He leaned in and moved his eyes over her flushed cheeks. ‘It would ensure us some privacy.’

‘Don’t even think about it, I have never seen this ballet, and you will not distract me.’

‘You wound me, Miss Glass. Then, I must be a good boy and see where it will get me.’

Susie smirked and leaned over his ear.

‘Probably to the second floor of a certain newly purchased apartment in Mayfair.’

His eyes flashed with curiosity.

'What is there?'

Susie acted as if she was trying to remember.

'A very comfortable king-size bed with fresh silk sheets and the view of Regent’s Park.' She explained slowly and watched Eddie's throat bobble.

'Then, I will be on my best behaviour.'

'And in your finest suit.' She added.

'Yes, ma’am.' He grabbed her hand, still placed on the steering wheel and kissed the tops of her fingers. She inhaled deeply, and only the cars honking behind took her out of her daydreams. Susie started the engine to continue their drive to the Manor.

***

Susie was captivating tonight. The heavy, long earrings almost touched her bare shoulders. She was leaning slightly towards the railing, almost like she was in a trance, focusing only on the ballet dancers performing their hearts onstage. Eddie should have appreciated them more and observed their emotions carefully because dancing was not only movement, it was more than that. It was a touch, a brush of hands and a deep look into the eyes. It was in the distance tonight, the red and gold decorations of the Opera, only a background for Susie's profile. Her cheeks adorned with pink dust, and her eyes emphasised by a black, bold eyeliner.

She turned her head and caught him watching her, but he did not flinch. Susie sent him a tiny smile, almost invisible in the darkness they were sitting in. His heart should not have ached the way it did, seeing her satisfied. Her face was relaxed, full of relief. Maybe this was what she truly wanted - art and dance. Not blood, death and fear. Until now, she always had to look behind her back to be sure no one shot her and disappeared into thin air. But now, any time she looked behind her, Eddie was right there to protect her or just be there with her. Not demanding anything, not trying to force her to do anything.

Suddenly, he felt Susie's warm fingers decorated with gold rings landing gently on his. She squeezed them slowly, and it meant everything to him that she wanted this touch, even when they could not say a word to each other.

It was like she put his fingers right on his beating heart. Hold it in her hand and hide it in her palm to keep it, kidnap it away from him. But there was no ransom to pay. It was hers. He never had any person that he could just leave it with until Susie. Before, Eddie thought he had no heart. He was more of a device than a human being. A puppet dressed in a uniform manipulated to the will of others.

After the third act, a break was scheduled, for which Eddie ordered a cold bottle of champagne. Susie did not stop holding his hand, even when a waiter was opening the champagne and pouring them the first glass.

When he left, Susie cleared her throat, and his attention was solely on her. She looked at him, one hand holding his, another gripping the champagne flute. The noise of the audience rushing for the exit faded to nothing.

'I said it would be a celebration because that is how my mother wanted to celebrate when I graduated middle school.' She inhaled and squeezed his fingers, reassuring herself more than him. 'Mum was optimistic and happy, too happy for the poor English weather. We never got a chance to visit the Opera. She had a hidden aneurysm, no history in the family, nothing. One second, she was there, tall and happy, mixing something in a kitchen. Then, she collapsed, and before the ambulance arrived, she was gone.'

He could barely hear her. Maybe that was why she chose this place to tell him this, because it was distracting, extremely loud, almost trying to steal the attention away from the words painful as a knife slowly dragged through the organs.

'Susie, that is why... Oh, God. I am so sorry.' Tears slid down her cheeks and dropped on her dress, leaving wet marks. He took her into his arms and kissed her hair, but she tugged on him, and he understood he should give her more space.

'I can't stop thinking about her now. How much she would have loved it. I want to believe she would be happy here. Or happy seeing me here. With you. Not alone.' Her voice was barely above a whisper. It was almost lost among the background noise of the auditorium. He understood Susie was afraid of sharing them, but holding them inside was even more deadly. His chest hurt, his eyes burnt, and he searched around, powerless, faced with her confession, realising his love. But there was no escape. Perhaps it was time to stop running.

The was cork popped, and the liquid spilt. He was in love with her. Susie made him feel like the weak-willed, work-shy, public school-educated heir.

Her hands could mould him into whatever she wished. One day, he was the general, her equal partner. Then, on the other days, he was rolling like a good boy she had trained.

Hearing the first bell announcing the beginning of the third act, they separated. Eddie drank his glass of champagne as if he hadn't drunk for a week. He tried to push down the feelings stirring inside him before the lights went down.

At some point, he focused on the dancers. They were putting on a solid performance tonight. The finale was breathtaking, the white dresses twirling around the dancefloor with the monstrous raven terrorising the innocent swans.

Before Odetta climbed the rock and made the ultimate sacrifice, Eddie's gaze moved to Susie's face. Her bright eyes were glazed with emotion, her breath withheld. Her lips trembled, when, he suspected, Odetta jumped.

Eddie gently took Susie's hand and reverently kissed its palm.

He will always catch her. No more desperation, no more unnecessary death threats. Love will conquer all, even if it means swallowing him alive.

At that moment, it was palpable that the sacrifice would be his. Because, foolishly, he did not expect anything in return.

She looked at him, startled and surprised, but then immediately appeased. His mission was to assure her peace. In their line of business, it meant a constant war with the entire world.

***

Susie admitted she chose to move up north to be closer to Halstead and Eddie's heart leaped at her words. Her new house was hidden behind a tall, brick wall. Susie purchased a classic two-level villa with white window frames and dark blue entrance doors. The heavy, black gates closed behind them and the stone-paved path led them to the entrance. The interior was specious, with staircase leading to the first floor.

They left their coats in the corridor and walked to the living room with a heigh ceiling. It overlooked the garden frozen in its winter dream.

‘I decided to have a garden, after spending more time in Halstead and realising how good it is to have nature right outside of the house.’

Eddie turned away from the windows and looked at her standing in her black dress with silver embellishments. She had her hair pinned, so it cascaded down her right arm. The only colour was a red lipstick painted on her lips, which stayed in tact, because he refrained from kissing her to honour her request. But now, they were finally alone, in her new house, where they were free from their business and praying eyes.

A shiver run down his spine when he remembered that after they collected their coats and headed to call for a taxi to go the restaurant where he made a reservation, Susie leaned into him and rested her forehead on his. Her breath caressed his cheekbones and she murmured:

‘Take me home, Eddie.’

He swallowed, hearing her words. He wanted that more than anything, but he also wanted to feed her, show her that he is more than the soldier turned gangster. More than anything he wanted to talk to her, get to know her better, because the time that was dedicated only to them, has never been enough for him.

‘We have a reservation… You don’t know how hard it was to make it.’

Susie smiled and pressed her front to his coat. His hand flew to her waist and he tilted his head back to really look at her and ascertain what he should do. Truly, he wanted nothing else than to forget about this dinner, take her home and have her legs wrapped around his waist for the rest of the night.

‘It is alright, Eddie. I won’t think any less about you, if we don’t go.’

Edward felt his resolve breaking and he squeezed her side. He drew out a shaky breath.

‘If you say so. I don’t want you to starve.’

Susie looked into his eyes.

‘Don’t worry about it. I know you will keep me sated.’

Desire fired up in his belly and he had to turn away from her to wave for a taxi.

Now, he stood in front of her again and let his hand rest on her cheek. His hand was so large in comparison to her face. Anytime he held her, she was drowning in arms. Physically there was an imbalance between them, but only one gesture or a single eye contact was enough for Eddie to change his mind and adjust to her needs. When she opened up earlier that night, he wanted her to know that it was safe to tell him about her past. He wanted her to trust him.

‘Thank you for telling me about your mother.’ He was stroking her cheeks and her eyes glazed with tears at his words. ‘I wish I could tell her how wonderful you are.’

She sniffed at that and rested her hands on his chest.

‘You will make me cry for the wrong reasons.’

Eddie smiled and felt desire building up again but tried to contain it for few more moments.

‘Wish I could tell her that you are everything to me. It is soppy, and not something I had ever thought about saying to anyone.’ There was practically no space between them. He caught her hands and lowered his face to kiss her fingers. She held her breath and looked him straight in the eyes.

Now her hand flew to his cheek and she closed her eyes, when her forehead rested on his once again tonight.

‘It feels like melting when I am with you. I am having trouble recognising myself.’

She forced her eyes open to look at him. Eddie watched her with curiosity.

‘I am melting you?’ He echoed.

‘My mind, my heart and my body. With you I am still me, you are not taking anything away, but you are changing me. You are showing me it is good to admit things, but you don’t question me when I proceed the way I chose to.’

She was looking at him pleadingly. He was ready to make a move, to let it all wash over him. To melt her again and again, to prove her case.

‘You can kiss me, now.’ Her shy voice was louder than any scream he has ever heard. He leaped forward and took her in his arms.

On their way upstairs, they lost their shoes, their clothes, watches and all the expensive fabrics they wore with so much pride.

Susie and Eddie melted into each other. Kissed the air out of their lungs and exchanged it with a new kind of gas capable of sustaining only the two of them.

When the dawn started over the tops of the trees, Eddie was mindlessly skimming his hands down her bare shoulder when she breathed hard into his neck. Small shivers were still running through her, the remnants of pleasure that overcame them.

‘Maybe it is not melting, maybe I am completely dissolving.’ Susie whispered near his ear. He stopped his caresses and moved to look at her face resting on his shoulder. ‘Maybe this is what falling in love is.’

Eddie’s heart started to beat wildly in his chest. He became restless, suddenly wanting to go for a walk and regain some composure he discarded along with his clothes.

Instead, he pulled her closer to him and kissed her hair, trying to come up with any suitable answer. Her breathing was steady, and her fingers rested relaxed on his chest.

He closed his eyes and confessed in the dark.

‘Then, I am already gone.’

Notes:

The question is: Did Susie hear Eddie’s final words or did she already fall asleep? What do you think? Let me know in the comments :)

Apologies for all the mistakes but I really, really wanted to publish it because it was on my mind for too long. Please leave a comment whether you liked it or not. All the kudos will be also much appreciated! Thank you <3

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