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Cold.
Is what I thought when I moved my blanket a little in a weak attempt to get more comfortable.
It's fall so I don't know why I was expecting it to be warm.
If I stay in bed though I won't be cold. I'll be all toasty and warm inside my little nest.
It is a depression nest but that's not what we are going to be focusing on right now.
I don't have class today so I don't have to get up. The sun might be out but that doesn't mean I have to be. I take a deep breath and snuggle further into my bed. A hard slam on the other side of my room spooks me enough to open my eyes.
"Hey bitch. It is nine in the morning."
I glare at the man that destroyed what peace I had, and maybe my window too. The man is dressed in tight black jeans and a leather cowboy jacket with a white tank top. He's got a mullet of curly dark hair and a cowboy hat sitting perfectly on top of his head. And of course he has a pair of decked out cowboy boots gifted to him by the Gods of goth culture.
I'd be panicking if this wasn't my best friend, who is currently sitting in my open window. He's got one leg in my room and the other one is propped up on the windowsill. Tim is a weird guy with a dark sense of humor and a drinking problem. We've been friends since the last year of high school.
"Do you not know how to use a door?" I grumble sarcastically from within my warm cocoon. I close my eyes to try and get back to sleep. Sue me for not wanting to waste this perfect morning sleeping until the late hours of the next day. I worked hard. I deserve it.
"I don't trust doors" he drawls. I open my eyes, looking at him expectantly. He just frog blinks those brown eyes from underneath his cowboy hat and rubs at his mustache.
"What?" he states more than asks. I squint my eyes at him. The fuck does he mean 'what?'!
"What do you mean you don't trust doors?" I question. The motherfucker just smiles at me and fully climbs through my window and into my room. He's standing next to my bed with his hands on his hips and his back slouching. He looks like a dad.
"I mean exactly what I said. Now get up, chicken butt." he says ruffling my hair. I hiss at him and slap his hand away from me and my already messed up hair. Tim just laughs and goes back to his dad pose.
"Ugh. You're such a dad." I grumble and roll over so my back is facing him.
"Well Daddy said get up. We got stuff to do." Tim said making his accent a bit thicker and pulling apart my cocoon. I yell in discontent as my warm barrier is destroyed and the icy fangs of the cold morning air sinks into my skin.
"Dude! I don't have class today! I wanna sleep in!" I yelled in frustration. I turn back to face Tim and sit up with a glare, my hair sticking out in every direction. "What could possibly be more important than sleeping on the day I don't have class?"
A smirk climbs onto Tim's face as a mischievous glint enters his eyes. He looks at me from under the brim of his hat as he answers.
"Weed"
"What kind of weed?" I ask.
"The free kind"
"You son of a bitch." I grumble as I throw my blankets off my legs. I get up as I hear Tim cheering and clapping happily.
"Aight I'll leave you to get yourself together." he says as he makes his way back to the window. He puts a piece of paper on my desk before he climbs up onto my windowsill. "Meet you outside in about an hour?"
"Sure man." he smiles at my answer and effortlessly climbs out the window. He's very graceful for a cowboy.
I heave out a sigh before I start to get ready for whatever free weed could mean. Knowing Tim there is no knowing. Either I'm meeting a nice guy that has weed he wants to share or I'm going to fight someone for a brownie.
I heave out another sigh as I get up and wander into the bathroom. I use the toilet and go to wash my hands. I could hypothetically take a shower but then I'd be cold and that might take to long. I don't smell like a gas station attendant so I can probably skip a shower. I skip brushing teeth, I could always just chew on some gum or something. I look at my hair and decide that I should probably brush my fingers through my red hair to make it look better. If it is a nice guy I should leave a good impression. God knows I need some dick.
It's not working.
One of the longer tails of my jellyfish cut is frizzy and the other one is pin straight. I wet both of them to get them somewhat looking the same. The rest of my hair is a mess.
"Fucking whatever. It's a vibe." I reassure myself with no confidence and even less fucks to give. I still have on some smudged eyeliner from yesterday. After I touch it up a bit I ruffle my hair so it's hanging in my eyes. I give myself a once over and smile a little. I look cute. My little goatee actually makes me look even cuter.
My eyes move over the reflection of my bathroom window behind me. The blurry reflection of a head in a hoodie makes my eyes widen and I spin around in mild panic. When I look at the actual window there is nothing there.
Did I just... Was that real?
If it wasn't for the fact that Tim climbs up here all the time I would have believed I was seeing things.
Maybe it is Tim?
No... He would never be caught dead without his hat.
Not even for a prank...
I decide to leave it be. Prank or not. I'm out.
I leave the bathroom and lock the door from the outside. For safety measures I get my broken desk chair and prop it against the door handle, like how they do in the movies. I don't think it'll hold but that's just incase it's real. Maybe I should move my desk in front of the door as well. I quickly go over to my desk and try to move it.
I'm suddenly reminded of my twinkish nature when the desk doesn't even make a sound, never mind moving, I give up immediately. The paper Tim left on my desk gets my attention. I pick it up and look at it. It's a notice clearly ripped off a notice board. It's about a group of three people that are sneaking around the school grounds and dormitories. They have been seen with masks and carrying weapons.
That would be a lot hotter if I didn't just potentially hallucinate a guy in my bathroom window.
Maybe he wants me?
Oh wow...
That is the kind of shit that gets you admitted to loony bins...
Still...
I shake my head to banish my thoughts to a corner of my mind that is for late nights. I glance over at my desk chair propped up against my bathroom door.
It's fine.
Everything is fine.
I make my way to my bed and dig through my blankets for my pastel blue hoodie. I wore it to bed last night but ended up undressing myself in my sleep somehow.
I find it and put it on after it passes the sniff test. I quickly throw on some jeans I found on the floor and my checkered hightops. I let out a groan as I make my way to my door. I glance back at the blocked off bathroom door.
It's fine. I'm tired and I saw something that wasn't there.
The fact that there is a very real group of masked men running around doesn't mean I saw one.
That's crazy.
I sigh deeply and make my way out of my room. As soon as I stepped out of the building I feel an arm get slung around my shoulder.
"There you are pretty boy!" Tim's voice shouts from next to me. I look up to see him smiling excitedly down at me. He quickly hands me his helmet and lightly shoves me towards his old bike.
"Where are we going?" I questioned as he helped me get onto the back of his bike. It's an older model that he was given by his grandfather. It's probably from the early 80s if I had to guess. Tim fixed it up with his grandfather one summer in high school. His grandfather was the only one who supported Tim after he came out to his family and they were... less than supportive.
After I became friends with Tim his grandfather also became mine. He's a good old man with a very big heart. He's gay so he knows how we felt, hiding it. Hiding from it. From ourselves.
"Earth to Cassius." I blink rapidly when I noticed that I had fallen deep into my own thoughts.
"Sorry" I say. I shimmy the helmet onto my head. After making sure I can comfortably see through the visor Tim gets on the bike.
"Wait!" I say suddenly.
"Yeah?" Tim asks turning back to look at me. I frown and gesture wildly at his head. He's not wearing a helmet.
"Oh yeah. Don't worry about it." Tim says with a smirk. He pulls a pair of aviator sunglasses out of the pocket in his leather jacket and puts them on.
"I'll go slow."
Walking wet dream this guy.
I want to argue but I figure that he wouldn't want to hurt his bike so he probably won't be driving like an ass hole. Probably.
You never know with this fucker.
I put my arms around him, like how he showed me the first time I rode with him. He makes sure I'm good to go before he starts the bike. True to his word he drives slow. Probably so he doesn't lose his hat in the wind.
Being a passenger on a motorcycle is a very calming experience. You have to trust the person driving with your life and if you don't you could both get seriously injured.
I remember when I rode with Tim for the first time. He told me beforehand not to fight against the way he leans when he goes around corners, I had to trust him. I was nervous when he said that. I've seen how the motorcycle racers lean till their knees are practically touching the ground. I thought we were going to do the same thing.
Tim helped me up on the bike and showed me where to rest my feet, he also told me to keep them there until the bike switches off. He then reminded me not to fight against the lean before he wrapped my arms around his body, right around his ribs. I could feel his body heat radiating through his jacket.
I tried to keep my hands still. Tim would probably joke that I was groping him if I move my hands around to much. And I wasn't in the mood to hear it.
My heart rate picked up when he started the bike. I felt a flash of panic when the bike lurched forward but the panic gradually lessened the longer we drove. It became quite peaceful. It was very different from being the passenger in a car.
There is this feeling of freedom when you are on a motorcycle.
There is also an intense fear of falling when you round corners but after the first time you can't get enough of it. You just want to keep going in circles.
Letting the body in front of you lean your body weight to the side is an insane feeling. The only thing that ran through my head the first time was 'trust him'.
He won't drop you.
And he never did.
It is at this exact moment that I feel the bike turn off. I was zoned out for the entire ride and apparently we have arrived at where ever we were supposed to be.
I remove myself from Tim's back and free my head from the helmet. I look around at where we stopped and notice a lot of other cars. It is still very early in the morning. We were at some kind of park. One of those parks that had a playground and picnic tables in a clearing but also hiking trails in the woods behind the playground.
Tim gets off his bike then helps me down and holds me steady as the feeling comes back to my legs. Nothing like a bike ride to make your legs go numb.
Or just riding in general.
I scan the area and spot some pride flags and stalls set up in the clearing. There's a lot of people already walking around the stalls. I honestly don't know what is more concerning. Getting free weed from a pop-up market or the pride flags in Alabama.
"I know what you're thinking." starts Tim. I turn to him with a concerned look on my face.
"Tim this is Alabama. Homophobes are created here and then given guns and then sent off to hunt." I say with panic in my voice.
"I know. But this was set up by the government as an attempt to befriend the gays." Tim explains as he waves his hands around and turns to walk towards the entrance of the mart.
"They tried one of these during pride month but no one showed. This time they are giving out a free weed brownie and a pass for 6 drinks each." Tim says. His smile grows manic as we walk.
"The best part of all this?" he stops and points at a big flyer at the entrance. In rainbow font it says 'only the members of the LGBTQ community will be given free gifts.'
"Now here's the plan." Tim says. He grabs my shoulders and squats down to look me in the eye. "I'll give you my free brownie if I can get your drink pass."
"The whole drink pass?" I ask. I want to drink too.
"No. We can share yours. Three each?" he negotiates like this is the most important thing in his life. It is alcohol so it is important to him.
"Fine. Three drinks for your brownie." I concede.
We walk up to the entrance. The lady handing out the brownies and drink pass cards looks Tim up and down. Her eyes went wide as she looked at his belt buckle. She quickly hands Tim his drink pass and brownie, that is in a little baggie. Then she turns her eyes to me and squints them in suspicion.
I hope I look...
Uh... gay enough?
Why didn't Tim tell me I had to pass for gay before we left?
The woman just hands me a card and a brownie. She didn't even rake her eyes all over me for more than a few seconds before handing that shit over. I smile politely at her and walk in with Tim, who bursts out in barely contained giggles at the look of befuddlement on my face.
"Why didn't you tell me before we left?" I asked him, my tone sounding a little more angry than I meant for it too. Instead of answering my question, Tim just starts laughing at me.
"Motherfucker you couldn't look less straight if you tried! I didn't need to tell you." he eventually gets out. I heave out a sigh before bursting into my fit own giggles. Not only am I wearing eyeliner and a pastel emo's wet dream, I'm also sporting a haircut that is so alternative churches won't let me pass by in fear that I'd lead the devil straight into their souls.
"Come on, Pretty boy." Tim says taking my arm and leading me to a stall with alcohol brands plastered fucking everywhere. "Let us commence the drinking."
I roll my eyes but hand over the drinking pass to Tim. He orders a whiskey on the rocks for himself and three tequila shots for me. We find a table to sit at in a poorly shaded area. Tim slides his brownie over to me while he started drinking his whiskey.
"Oh yeah. Weed." I say and put my own on the table. I unwrap both of the little brownies from their packaging. I eat them both and shoot back the tequila, feeling the burn of the alcohol settle into my empty tummy. By that time Tim is halfway through his whiskey and contemplating his next drink.
Honestly. How good can free shit be?
I feel the familiar haze set in. I giggle at nothing and turn around in my seat so my back is against the table.
It's free it can't be that good.
I watch as the people around me move around slowly. They are all just walking. So slowly. I giggle at that.
It's free.
I look at this one girl walking with a rainbow shawl. The colors look like they are bouncing. They are moving a lot faster than she is.
What'd they put in them brownies?
I turn my head away from the girl with the rainbow shawl. Something dark flashes at the corner of my vision and I turn my head quickly to see what it was.
Was it that guy from my bathroom that isn't real?
Instead of seeing the window guy I get a eye full of sunlight. I quickly shut my eyes pull away from the bright light. The world spins around me as I tumble off of my seat and onto the ground.
To bright.
I look around while I try to get off the floor. Through the haze in my head and my blurry vision I see the shadows casted by trees in the forest.
It's dark there.
I struggle onto my feet and start walking the path that goes to the woods. The more I walk the more I have to fight everything from turning to the side.
I'm almost in away from the bright.
I reach the edge of the forest. I stumble past the first few trees and continue on until I can't see the the bright light anymore. Then I just keep walking deeper into the woods.
It's gone now.
A stray fallen branch snatches my shoe right off my foot and I watch the floor get closer to my face. I probably made a very embarrassing sound as a fell to the floor but I don't really care right now.
The ground is soft.
I try to push myself off of the ground for the second time today but I just end up rolling onto my side. I can see the orange hues of the sky peeking through the trees. For a few moments, I just lay there looking at the sky.
What is that ringing?
I lift my head up to look around for the origin of the ringing sound. I can barely see anything in the dark. I roll over and push myself up into a sitting position. I rub at my eyes before looking around again.
Is that a guy?
I see a man in a suit standing a bit away from me. Looking at him is making the ringing louder. Another flash of something enters my field of vision and I feel myself being pulled off the ground by my armpits. Whatever grabbed me starts moving immediately making me realise how cold it suddenly got.
Why is my foot cold?
There is something around my chest. It is pale yellow. I can feel the cold bite of the wind as I move through the forest. My eyes drift up from the yellow thing holding me around my chest. I see a red frowning face in a void of black incased by the same pale yellow.
Am I being carried?
I feel my body jostle and my view change. Now I'm looking down at the ground moving by really fast but I'm far away from it. I can see legs moving under me and I can feel something solid pressing into my hip bone. I can feel a solid thing over the back of my legs, holding me down and steady as we move.
I feel sick.
My head feels like there are cotton balls stuffed in my sinuses. My eyes start tearing up as I try to breath through my mouth. It feels like there isn't enough space in my lunges for all the air I'm trying to put in there.
What is that fucking ringing.
I lift my head up to look for it. The man in the suit is there. A wave of ice creeps down my spine as I really look at this guy. He is very tall and thin, like a basketball player. His arms are unnaturally long and he's bald. I can't make out his face. It's hard to see from this angle.
It almost looks like...
He doesn't have a face...
I can't breathe...
My hands clutch at the yellow fabric in panic. That is not a human. I don't know what it is but I hope whatever is running with me is a good and friendly human being. The tears in my eyes are consuming my vision. The sound of someone choking is replacing the ringing sound, which is fading away.
"BREATHE!"
A commanding voice, and a stinging feeling on my one ass cheek, pierce through the hazy fog in my mind and it becomes clear that I am the one choking. Stars start to eat at my vision. I claw at the fabric in my hands as I panic. I open my mouth to suck in a big breath of air. No air fills my lungs.
A black fog slowly takes over my blurry vision before my consciousness leaves me.