Chapter Text
teenage years
The next notable thing in my life was getting my first job. It was at the library, and I was basically a librarian but without the proper licensure, so it didn’t pay great.
But the job was mine. The money was mine. I felt the need to break off a little bit from depending on my parents and do something for myself.
And I did. I spent the rest of the summer working at the library pretty much full-time and saving money for college, because I knew that my parents wouldn’t be able to afford it.
My new friends would come over often. I could tell what the smaller friend groups were within the big group after a while. Bridgette was always with Caroline and Jodi. Jada was always with Julia. And then Pam and Paula were always together, but sometimes they’d also be with Jada and Julia.
Jake would also come by often. We moved forward from the kiss without talking about it, but being around him after it made me feel like someone lit sparklers in my chest.
One day, he stood in front of me, silent and smiling with a goofy grin plastered on his face.
“Uh…” I raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“Remember our soirée a few weeks ago in the old community center?”
“How could I forget?” I said sarcastically.
“Well, my dad was pissed about it,” he said, as if it were new news.
“Well, yeah. Mine too. That’s why he blabbed about it to yours…” I moved my head, as if saying get to the point.
“But, listen to this,” he pointed a finger at me. “He was pissed about the underaged drinking, of course, but he was more pissed that we were hanging around in that abandoned building. He gave me, like, an hour-long lecture on how anything could have crawled in there and seriously hurt one of us.”
“What, like, a squirrel?” I giggled.
“That’s exactly what I said, but it added thirty minutes to the lecture,” he rolled his eyes. That made me laugh. “Anyways, I’m bringing this up because my dad decided to build us a shed to hang out in on the farm so we won’t do that anymore.”
I gasped. “My goodness, by himself?”
“Yep, it’s pretty damn impressive,” he said. “After your shift, you should come over and check it out.”
His dad built a shed for his friends to hang out in, and he invited me to come over after my shift. Of course, I immediately said yes. All I wanted to do at this point was spend more and more time with him, even if I didn’t understand why I felt that way.
“Wow,” I said as he let me into the shed. It was big enough that all of the young people in town could fit in there semi-comfortably. With just me and Jake, though, it felt huge.
“Right,” he replied, gazing out at the empty room. “I was shocked that he even wanted to do this.”
“Guess it’s better than the dangers squirrels pose, huh?” I turned to him.
He turned to me, biting back a laugh. “I guess so.”
We stood in silence for a few more moments. I felt my heartbeat speed up a little once I realized how alone we were. Would we kiss again? Probably not, but the thought excited me just a little.
“Okay, we definitely have to put some furniture and stuff in here,” I broke the silence. “So it can be a proper hangout area. Some tables, chairs. Some decorations, maybe a boombox.”
He nodded. “You’re right. You should help me decorate in here. I’ll get my dad to either get or make some of the stuff, and then you can get, like, total creative freedom in here. What do you think?”
“What made you think I wanted to do that, let alone have total creative freedom?” I laughed.
“Well, excuse me for wanting to include you on this project,” he said sarcastically.
I let out a short laugh before turning back to look at him. “Fine,” I said. “I’ll help. You get the goods, I’ll set it up.”
He scoffed. “You make it sound like a drug deal.”
I put on a deep voice. “I got the cash, you got the, er, boombox?” I enunciated ‘boombox’ like it was a code word for something nefarious.
He followed suit. “I got all the boomboxes you need, but I’m gonna have to make it double.”
“Double?” My eyes widened dramatically. “What on earth has made it double?”
“The cops,” he nodded seriously. “They’re onto me.”
I stared at him blankly before bursting out into laughter. He joined along, and our laughter echoed across the empty room. He let out a big, dramatic sigh before flopping to the floor. He dropped so quickly, I could hear the air escape his chest.
I giggled before carefully laying down next to him with my body facing the opposite way. I stared up at the swinging light in the middle of the ceiling. The air between us felt heavy, like he had something to say.
“Out with it,” I finally murmured.
He laughed nervously. “That obvious?”
“I can feel your questioning eyes on me.”
“You make me sound like a creeper…”
I let out another small laugh. “Out. With. It.”
“Remember… when we kissed?”
I rolled my eyes. “Vaguely.”
“Ha ha,” he took a deep breath. “I mean, you remember asking me how it was, right? And I said that it was good?”
“Yeah,” my heart sped up.
Did he want to kiss again? I rubbed my lips together to see how chapped they were. They were a little dry from the heat, but nothing too serious. I darted my tongue across my lips to ensure they were moist, just in case.
“I never asked you how it was. Or if it was better for you than the first.”
I thought about my answer. I didn’t want to seem too eager, but I wanted to make sure he knew how much I liked it.
“It was good,” I decided to say. “I, uh, enjoyed it.”
Silence filled the room again. I felt like my heart was beating so loudly that he could hear it. I crossed my arms and held them close to my chest as I waited for him to respond.
“Yeah,” he finally said. He turned to look at me, and I turned to face him. He bit the inside of his cheek before speaking again. “I really liked it.”
I tried to read between the lines, but I didn’t know if I was being delusional due to my own eagerness. But it seemed like he wanted to kiss again. Right then and there.
“So, uh, why do you ask?” I said, eyes darting to the wall behind him so I wasn’t only staring at him.
He blinked rapidly before sitting up. “No reason.”
I sat up with him. “There is a reason,” I looked at him but he wouldn’t look at me.
Yoba, must I wear the pants all the time?, I thought.
“Could it be… that you wanted to do it again?”
That made him turn to look at me. He raised an eyebrow and a playful smile appeared on his lips. “What, did you?”
I groaned. “I asked you first!”
“Okay, and I’m asking you now.”
I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. “I— you—“
“‘Kay, fine,” he interrupted. “I wanna kiss you again. Do you?”
My entire face and neck was red at this point. I could feel it. I turned my torso and touched a hand to his shoulder.
I leaned in a hair. My eyes flitted down to his lips. Remembering how they felt against mine…
… that feeling was addictive.
He closed the gap between us, fingers snaking up into my hair. Why did it feel so nice for his fingers to be massaging my scalp like that? How did he know that it would feel good?
An unfamiliar feeling built in my chest. My hand that was on his shoulder wrapped around his back, and my other hand touched his cheek.
His kisses were gentle, timid, and sweet. His lips tasted like starfruit. His nose touched mine slightly as he experimented with different kissing methods. He gave me pecks. He closed his lips around mine. He tilted his head for different angles.
It was like he was studying kissing. He was studying kissing me.
He studied what made me sigh or grip onto his shirt. He studied what made me shy away from the kiss, like putting his tongue in. I wasn’t ready for all that at that point.
He only continued to do what I responded positively to. I let him take the lead, and we kissed for Yoba knows how long.
He finally stopped for air, touching his forehead to mine.
“How was that?” He asked breathlessly.
“I…” I started before clearing my throat. “I wouldn’t mind if we continued to do that. Whenever you wanted.”
He bit his lips to hold back a smile. “Whenever you want, Clare bear. I’m down.”
In that shed, we kissed for the third time. It was strange, really. How could my feelings for my best friend shift so dramatically in just one season?
I still hadn’t registered that the feeling in my chest was love, though.
And, as a dork who was blind to all sorts of feelings, it would take a while.