Chapter Text
Mizuki wakes up at 9:00am and decides to piss off their wonderful roommate, Shinonome Akito.
Mizuki thinks that they deserve a certificate in pissing off Shinonomes, the only one they haven't missed off is the honorary Shinonome, Hanasato Minori. But Mizuki doesn't know how, nor want to piss that girl off.
“Lil Bro!!!!!!” They exclaim and snatch his blankets. A dick move? Sure, but that's the point. “Wake up!!!”
The ginger (derogatory) groans and throws three pillows, two extra blankets, and a fist at Mizuki only for the pink haired to dodge all of that and throw it back (including the fist!)
“OW, WHAT THE FUCK?!?” Would be my reaction too if I got punched in the face as a way to wake me up.
“Wake up, Lil Bro!!!” Mizuki finds another pillow from God knows where and throws it at him.
“Oh my God, I'm up.” The ginger (derogatory) complains and sits up, glaring at Mizuki. “What the hell was that about?”
“I have excellent news!” Mizuki grins and Akito’s eyes narrow.
“If it's “excellent” by your standards, then it's hell for me. What is it, Akiyama?” He crosses his arms and considers homicide. How would he kill Mizuki in this scenario? Well, clearly, you aren't creative nor as violent as Akito!
“I'm getting married to Rui for tax benefits!” Mizuki's eyes sparkle.
Akito's eye, on the other hand, twitches, “What.”
“Tell me Lil Bro, how many times have you been confused and befuddled at all your wonderful kouhai getting married? Now, I wanted to-”
“Save your spiel,” Akito sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why, and tell me without trying to convince me or rope me into this.”
The ginger (derogatory) was successfully pissed off. Mizuki considers it a new record. “Well, you see, long-story-short, I was bored at 3:00am and decided to do something batshit crazy.”
Akito looks at Mizuki as if he was one more word away from snapping the pink-haired's neck. Mizuki decides it's time for a wonder-wonderful topic change! (insert crowd cheering here).
“So, do you know anything about Tsukasa-senpai and Red Bulls?” Mizuki asks curiously.
“What?”
“So, no?”
“No, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, Akiyama.” Akito deadpans, “Also, stop changing the topic,” (insert crowd booing here) “Why Kamishiro-senpai of all people?”
“Would you say yes?”
“No, I'm dating Toya, and if I weren't, I'd still say no to you.”
Mizuki raises an eyebrow as if that confirms why they chose Rui. To be honest, I thought the ginger (derogatory) would get it. I mean, when you think of unhinged, homosexual, and Mizuki’s friend, who do you get?
The whole cast- No, Rui!
Akito rolls his eyes, “Whatever, I honestly don't care, but if you rope me into your scheme, I'll be committing double homicide.”
Mizuki tilts their head, “Double?”
“You and Kamishiro-senpai.” Akito states as if that was obvious, which it was if you think about it. “I want nothing to do with this sham marriage.” He gets up and grabs a T-shirt and jeans.
“Awww, but Lil Bro!!! It'll be fun!!!” Mizuki whines as Akito throws a pillow at Mizuki's face. Seriously, what is with these people and pillows? I sleep with just one while these fiends have like twenty at their disposal.
“No.” He walks out of the room while flipping Mizuki off.
Mizuki: 1
Akito: 0
After ruining the ginger’s (derogatory) morning, Mizuki felt the need to visit the honorary Shinonome of the hour, Hanasato Minori.
Why not? Seeing Minori being lovey dovey with Haruka gave Mizuki the dopamine they needed to start the day, and they felt like they deserved a reward after ruining Akito’s morning!
Also coffee. Coffee gave them the energy they desperately needed for the morning and Minoharu were the only people Mizuki knew with a coffee machine.
And so, strolling down the halls and knocking on random people’s doors because it was funny while making their way to Minori and Haruka’s dorm was a perfect morning for Mizuki.
Well, almost perfect.
You see, Mizuki was actually planning out in their head how this whole sham marriage would work. They didn't actually need to pay taxes, but it would ruin the whole vibe of the fic if that plot hole was mentioned now!
But how to go about this… Obviously, Mizuki didn't want to keep it quiet, no the whole reason for this was making it other people’s problems too. In fact, they made a list:
ʟɪsᴛ ᴏғ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴏᴘᴇ ɪɴ (ᴡʜᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴏʀ ɴᴏᴛ)
ʟɪʟ ʙʀᴏ
ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ᴛsᴜᴋᴀsᴀ-sᴇɴᴘᴀɪ
ᴇɴᴀ ғᴏʀ sᴜʀᴇ
ᴀɴ
It's still in progress, but Mizuki thinks they're off to a great start! Akito will join whether he wants to or not (he almost certainly does not want to join in) and An will help get him in.
Now how does this become their problem? Well you see-
“Mizuki-chan?”
The honorary Shinonome of the hour!
Minori tilted her head as she opened the door while Haruka read a book behind her. “Are you here for your morning coffee?” She asked curiously.
Mizuki nods and Minori opens the door wider, letting them come in.
Minori and Haruka’s dorm was about the same as every dorm, I guess. What? Did you expect me to go on a lengthy spiel about how cramped SEKAI University's dorms were?
As Mizuki walked inside, they saw the spine to the book Haruka was reading was titled “How to Initiate a Kiss With Your Girlfriend: For Beginners (WLW EDITION)”
These girls had been dating since second year highschool.
It was their first year of university.
Ignoring their hopeless lesbianess, Mizuki sat down as Haruka set down her book and began to make them some coffee.
“Akito-kun told me about your sham marriage by the way.” Minori said. Damn, Akito really had to take the fun out of everything didn't he? Guess that's expected.
“How'd he tell you, Minori-chan?” Mizuki asked as Haruka handed them a hot (and I mean why did I grab that mug with my bare hands holy shit level of hot) mug of coffee.
“Through a groupchat.” Minori showed a groupchat with the title of “People That Akito Actually Likes” with Minori, Toya, Kohane, and the ginger (derogatory) himself.
Mizuki laughed as they pulled out a groupchat on their own phone called “Let's Piss Off Akito” with An, Rui, Ena, and Mizuki.
“We've tried to get him to join, but the ginger (derogatory) always leaves the chat.” Mizuki said.
“What did you say?” Haruka looked up.
“The ginger?”
“No, you said something after that.”
“I…don't think I did.”
Haruka shook her head, “Nevermind.”
Mizuki shrugged, “Anyway, he always leaves the chat whenever we try and get him to stay in it. Which is to be expected really.” They grabbed their “why did I grab that mug with my bare hands holy shit” mug of coffee and began to sip from it.
And promptly burnt their tongue. Fuck hot food and drink.
But Mizuki Akiyama wasn't a wimp! So they just… nodded and listened to Minori yap about her day as their tongue was burning.
A great day was about to happen.
bzz
bzz
bzz
Was there a fucking bee in Rui's dorm???
bzz
bzz
Wait, no, Tsukasa would be screaming if there was.
bzz
bzz
Oh shit, that's Rui's phone.
Groaning, Rui flipped onto his side and grabbed the buzzing phone.
Two thirds of it was just cat videos from Emu and Mizuki, that was fine.
Aha, a message from the Shinonomes.
Shinonome-kun
wtf did akiyama just tell me
Damn, and here Rui thought he could tell the ginger (derogatory) about the sham wedding. Really had to take the fun out of that one, Mizuki.
Ena-kun
rui
rui
what the FUCK did Mizuki tell me?????
don't act like you're asleep
actually you might be asleep
wake up then ig
moving on
WHAT THE FUCK?????
i'm not getting anything out of akito
the stupid ginger is probably honk shooing still or some shit
Huh, he thought Mizuki already told her.
Well, more fun for Rui!
Rui
Did Mizuki not tell you?
Ena-kun
well i mean yeah they did
but like ???
they kinda just dropped it on us and left the call
and KANADE AND MAFUYU DON'T CARE
sorry that was just me ranting
moving on
the ginger (derogatory) isn't telling me SHIT
Rui
Why'd you put derogatory after ginger?
Ena-kun
what
i didn't do anything
anyway, explain
Rui
I'll explain at 4pm
Ena-kun
???
why so specific
Rui
It's when I'm free
Ena-kun
fucker
you're free ALL THE TIME
wait did you just go offline
HOMOSEXUAL ANSWER ME
The audacity of a lesbian calling him a homosexual. Then again he'd rather not be called straight.
Maybe Rui should ask for a certificate in pissing off the Shinonomes, however the true master of it goes to Mizuki.
Speaking of Mizuki, it's time to see the whopping forty cat videos they sent him, and then the other forty that Emu sent him.
Time to enjoy a wonderful morning of cat videos!
Was what Rui told himself before the door was broken down by the aroace of the hour.
“Rui-kun!!!!! Wake up!!!!!” Emu announced as they pushed away the barely hanging door. It got kicked down by Mizuki in the middle of the night and now Emu, so it was hanging on one hinge as it desperately asked to be fixed. Kind of like an old man coughing and wheezing on his deathbed.
Emu trailed behind her a familiar blond who was much more cheery than last night, behind the blond was a green haired girl who Tsukasa was trying his best to make sure didn't run into a wall as she gamed while walking.
A “GAME OVER” was heard along with swearing as Nene looked up, “Wake up, homosexual.”
Getting called homosexual counter: 2
Rui's phone buzzed and he saw a message from Mizuki.
Mizuki
PEOPLE TO PISS OFF AND TO IDK ROPE IN
Lil bro
Tsukasa-senpai
Ena
An
What do you think :3? (you can add more people btw)
Rui
:3c
Putting his phone down, Rui looked at the gang in front of him, “I have something to tell all of you.”
Nene raised an eyebrow while Emu tilted her head to the side. Tsukasa just looked like he knew exactly what was going to happen /neg.
Thinking back to his conversation with Ena, Rui grinned, “At 3:00pm!”
“HUH??????” Tsukasa's eyes widened comedically.
Nene definitely suspected Rui to be up to no good but she shrugged. “Alright then?”
Emu was definitely confused, but wasn't as suspicious as Nene was, she simply nodded before brightening. “Rui-kun! Did you see the cat videos I sent you?”
Rui shook his head, “I was about to, should I look at them now?”
Emu nodded her head so furiously that Rui worried that he was going to see her decapitated at age 21. He pulled out the videos and the whole gang sat on the bed while watching cats doing who knows what. I mean, cat videos are either super cute or the next coming of Satan himself. Was that the right metaphor? That was technically a simile, I think. You know what? Fuck grammar, this is my language now.
After telling everyone the big deal (which wasn't that big in Rui's eyes [yes it was, homosexual]), Rui prepared to meet the lesbian of the day.
It was barely, and I mean barely, 4:00 when Ena walked into the little café that was their rendezvous point and sat down from across Rui.
“Alright, spill it.” She crossed her arms and glared at Rui, which made Rui sweat. Look, Shinonome Ena was a dangerous individual and everyone at SEKAI University knew it.
“Well, it started with Mizuki bursting into my dorm at 3:00am.” Rui started, taking in Ena's every move. “They had the great idea of getting married for tax benefits.”
“And because you're a freak, you didn't say no.” Ena said. Harsh choice of words, but in all honesty, Rui thought it would be fucking hilarious so he said yes.
“I mean…technically? I thought it would be funny.” Rui said sheepishly.
Ena's eye twitched. Wrong choice of words, Rui. Wrong choice of words, Rui.
“You know what? Fine, whatever, you guys are idiots, but I frankly don't care.” Ena sighed and uncrossed her arms.
Rui thought back to the list that Mizuki sent him, “Say, Ena-kun, would you like to join me and Mizuki's adventure?” He offered.
Ena stared at Rui for a solid minute (very uncomfortable and awkward) before pinching the bridge of her nose, “Being honest? No. However I am interested in this train wreck that's just waiting to happen, and I have the feeling that me and Nene will have to drag you out of this. So, fine. But if you call me in the middle of the night, I'll commit murder-suicide.”
“Noted. So that's a yes?”
“That's a “sure”.” Ena deadpanned. “I gotta go make sure that Kanade doesn't look awful for her date with Honami-chan.” She grabbed her bag, “If you have any social media problems or have problems with getting the word out, message me. Or if you guys just want to piss off Akito, I'm also down for that. Bye, Rui.”
Rui's not dead, yipee!!!! (Insert crowd cheering here).
Rui
Mizuki
I got Ena to join us
Mizuki
LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO