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The waters of the underworld bore little resemblance to the ocean they had previously sailed on. Astyanax leaned slightly overboard to get a better look at the strange glow that shone from the water. Something in the river was moving and trying to surface. Indistinct shapes and quiet whispers.
A strong hand grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
“Don't lean out too far, little guy. Dangerous things are sitting in that water,” Eurylochus, always sounding serious, seemed particularly grave as he looked around at the night-black rocks surrounding them.
“What's out there?” asked Astyanax, but Eurylochus just looked at him and shook his head.
“The captain will explain it to you.”
Astyanax turned over his shoulder and looked at his dad, who was standing at the helm, giving orders to the helmsman and the other men. Odysseus, however, soon turned his attention to him, noticed his uncertain look and moved towards him.
Astyanax watched his dad move slowly, and his smile looked very artificial. Astyanax had heard at night - or day? in the Underworld, not even a sliver of sky was visible to be able to tell - his dad waking up and saying something about screaming.
It seemed that some of the crew could hear it too, but Astyanax didn't know what they were talking about. True, he heard quiet, anxious whispers, and once or twice a sad wail reached his ears, but there was no talk of any screams.
Dad crouched down beside him.
“Hi, dear. Do you want to go below deck?”
Astyanax furrowed his brow and shook his head. It was dark below deck and the air was suffocating. Besides, he was too curious about the waters they were sailing on.
“What's in that river? And why does this water glow? There's no sun here to reflect.”
Dad looked at him for a long time, as if hesitating. Finally, he combed his tangled hair and led him closer to the side, all the while, however, holding him by the shoulders, as if making sure he didn't fall out. Astyanax was obviously too smart to fall off the ship, but he liked to feel his dad's presence behind him. He said nothing.
Odysseus reached out and pointed to the greenish water below them.
“When people are… very tired or very hurt they go to places where they can- rest. Often their other friends and family are there. However, to get to that place you have to change. People, instead of looking like me and you,” tickled Astyanax's side, and he giggled, “turn into those lights you see in the river so they can find their way to a place where they can rest.”
“Are we going to rest too, Dad? Why aren't we lights?”
Dad's face changed for a moment. A weak smile replaced the gloom and concern.
“No, Astyanax. This is not a place from which you can return once you become a light. When you are there, all you can do is wait for your friends and family, but that can take a very long time. We want to see your mum, Penelope and your brother, Telemachus, much sooner, so we won't wait there for them,” Odysseus said quietly, trying to calm the confusion in Astyanax's head. “I will not allow this.”
“I see.”
A thought suddenly occurred to him. He turned and grabbed his dad's hand.
“Is Uncle Polites here?”
Dad looked at him for a moment. Then he looked into the strange water for a long time, as if trying to find something in it. Finally, however, he took his hand out of his grasp and touched Astyanax's cheek. He slowly turned his face towards the extremely bright light in the water.
“Do you see anything?”
For a fraction of a second, Astyanax thought he caught a glimpse of his uncle's dreamy smile and always cheerful face, but immediately it was all a blur in the waves.
“Not really, nu uh.”
“Maybe… maybe you can hear him?”
Dad's hands on his face and shoulder trembled.
Astyanax closed his eyes and leaned against his dad to focus fully on the sounds around him. At first all he could hear was the splash of the water, the hushed conversations of the crew and Dad's heavy breathing. However… something else was coming from the water. Laughter. Light and so pleasant.
Astyanax jumped up and looked excitedly at his dad, who, however, was not looking at him. He was looking into the water, with a fixed sad gaze.
“Dad, I can hear my uncle! Do you too?”
Odysseus nodded, still not taking his gaze off the glowing depths.
“Yes. Very clearly." He glanced at Astyanax. ”Do you hear anyone else?”
Astyanax heard. He could hear Elpenor whistling and the chatter of an old helmsman from another ship. He heard quiet conversations, laughter, sailing melodies. It was amazing. It felt like home.
“Do they see us?”
“Yes. Yes, they do,” Odysseus stroked Astyanax's head. “I think they are really happy they see you.”
“You mean, us ?”
“...sure.”
“Why didn't you tell me where they are? I was worried after the storm.”
“I- I wasn't sure how to explain it to you.”
“But they just want to rest, yes, dad?”
“Yes, dear. They were tired of the journey.”
“But you are not tired? I don't want you to go with them,” and leave me.
“No, I'm strong as always. We will leave whenever I know what to do next.”
Astyanax furrowed his brow and looked up at his dad, puzzled.
“You don't know what to do, dad?”
“I just- can't decide, okay?”
“Sure, but remember to greet the world with open arms.”
Astyanax didn't know what was going on in his dad's head, as he stared into the water again for a long time, stiff and motionless, before gently squeezing his shoulder.
“I- I know. I will.”
The next few hours passed terribly slowly. Astyanax fell asleep for a while before he was awakened by the voices of the sailors. Something was happening on the upper deck.
On weak legs, he climbed the stairs and saw Odysseus with Eurylochus. His dad was rubbing his face and the uncle had his hand on his shoulder. They were talking quietly about something.
Astyanax moved on to stand by the bow of the ship. He stared for a moment at the darkness above them and at the endless glowing river in front of them. Suddenly, he thought he heard something. Something as if... a weeping?
He strained his hearing. Yes, someone nearby was crying. Astyanax looked around, but couldn't see anyone making the sounds.
However, the mystery soon solved itself. Something sloshed loudly just in front of the moving ship. Astyanax looked out a little and saw one of those strange, twisted lights trying to pierce the surface of the water. He knew he should step back, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
Something about the sight, about watching the slowly forming silhouette fascinated him.
The light began to darken and take on colour. It was no longer shapeless, but looked more like a person. Like a woman.
The creature was terrifying. She had long, moonlight-bright, wavy hair that reminded Astyanax of tree branches in a storm. Her face was contorted in pain and a loud wail and cry came from her mouth. Her dark, dishevelled robes seemed to move on her like waves. Huge, glowing eyes stared straight at him.
“Dad!” he called out, though it felt like his voice was caught in his throat. “Dad, help!”
The lament seemed to quiet somewhat. The spirit leaned over him. A pale hand reached towards him, as if wanting to touch his face.
“Astyanax. My love, my darling.”
Astyanax screamed again, this time unable to even form a sentence or a word. He concentrated and stepped back, unwilling to let that cold, terrible hand reach him.
He heard footsteps behind him.
“Astyanax, please,” the voice sounded like a cry again. “It's me, your mother.”
A warm, human hand came down on his shoulder. Daddy drew him close and stood up with him, holding him tightly in his arms.
“Andromache,” Dad said quietly.
“Odysseus of Ithaca” replied a strange ghost, and her voice seemed to penetrate all the way to Astyanax's heart. "You murderer. You great and mighty king who now wanders the world as punishment. You stole him. You stole my boy. Everything I hold most dear."
“I saved him.”
“From the fire you started, LIAR ! It wasn't enough for you to burn down my house. You had to take everything."
"It will be safe now.
I swear to you,’ Odysseus said, and his voice trembled. "Astyanax, please, there is nothing to fear. This... is your mother. Let her see your face."
Astyanax did not move for a long time from his place, where he was bracing his face in his father's chest.
“You said mum was waiting for us in Ithaca,” he whispered finally.
The sudden shout made even Odysseus take a few steps back.
“I am your mother.”
“You're scaring him.”
“You've planted lies in his head, he's forgotten about me, you-”
“You must lower your voice,” Odysseus said serenely.
It seemed that the torches on the ship had dimmed under the sudden wrath of the soul.
“HOW DARE YOU TELL ME-”
“He can't remember the ghost. Let him see his mother. Be her again.”
The moans slowly began to change. The voice sounded more melodious now. Astyanax wriggled, still frightened.
“Love, we know each other. Remind yourself. You can remember me."
Odysseus gently turned sideways to the woman, so when Astyanax looked to his right, he could see those big, bright eyes filled with tears.
“I don't know you,” Astyanax confessed.
The spirit hovered a moment without saying a word. She circled them, pressed close together.
“You were just a tiny, crying baby when I sang you to sleep. You loved when I took you to the garden. You couldn't walk properly yet when you tried to catch up with the butterflies in our garden. You loved when-when your first dad, Hector, let you play with his beard. We had a beautiful dog, his name was Kynigós, but you called him Kyni, and he would let you ride on his back. He was two or three times bigger than you.”
Astyanax stared in rapt attention at the woman, who reached out her hand again, and this time Astyanax let her touch his voice.
“You were dearly loved, Astyanax,” she said, stroking his hair.
Suddenly Odysseus spoke up, anxious.
“What happened to you, Andromache? Neo took you with him-”
“To obey him, after you, Greeks, killed my husband, after I saw you take my son to the walls. What do you think happened to me when all I held dear was over?"
Odysseus didn’t answer. He simply pressed Astyanax tighter to him.
“Keep him close. Keep him safe. Tell him about Troy. Tell him the truth or be cursed forever, lying king.”
“I- I will do it. You have my word.”
“Your word means as much as the ashes of my city. As much as the bones of my husband. As much as your surrender, Greeks. It’s nothing. But I will know when we meet again.”
A delicate hand rubbed Astyanax's cheek. Later, the gentlest of kisses was placed on the top of his head.
“We will meet again, my love.”
The woman's spirit moved away from them. For a moment she measured Odysseus, their ship and the huddled crew on deck with her eyes.
“You may go now, damned Greeks.”
She disappeared as if taken away by a gust of wind.
For a moment there was silence on the ship. The crew slowly went back to work while Odysseus and Astyanax continued to stand in the same place, staring into the void. Finally Odysseus took him to their cabin.
They sat side by side, leaning against the wall, until finally Astyanax spoke quietly, glancing at Odysseus.
“She was scary.”
“No, it's not like that. She was very, very hurted. Hurted people sometimes look and behave scary, but they are not evil. They don’t know what to do with all their pain.”
“She was hurted- by... you?”
“Yes. By me. And my comrades.”
Astyanax could not comprehend this.
“But she wasn't... bad? Then why-”
“No, I heard she was good. It was- you know, when two big, wild dogs fight for something, like meat, sometimes someone smaller, like a cat or bird lands between them. The dogs are stupid, they don't pay attention to this innocent guest. Some time ago I was one of the wild dogs. I thought I was trying to save my friends. I was fighting for something very, very important. I wanted to go home but I couldn't until I beat this other dog. Andromache, your first mother was this bird. She was innocent. But we didn't see that.”
“She said we can go.”
“I hurted her, that's true. But I saved what was the most important to her.”
“What?”
“You. She is still angry, but she also loves you so much to forgive me.”
“She loves me?”
“Of course. You're her son. And mine too.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me, dad?“
“No. I love you as much as she did. I would do the impossible for you.”
Astyanax leaned on his dad and closed his eyes.
“I love you too.”
The dogs. The birds. The horses. The innocent ones. Penelope. Andromache. Telemachus. Helen. Astyanax. Thousands of other infants. Screaming mothers. Little bodies on the streets. Burning houses of fair people.
The guilty ones. Paris. Achilles. Priam. Agamemnon. Menelaos. Patroclus. Hector. And the infamous Odysseus. The one who burnt the city that dared not to fall.
They would all meet one day in the Underworld.
Andromache forgave him due to their common love for the boy.
Astyanax was learnt to forgive. But would this last forever? Would it overcome the dread of the prophecy?
Would the love, for our enemies and our allies, be enough to forgive each other? Would the horse be forgotten?
Odysseus didn't know.
He pulled his son towards him and hugged him with all his heart. Maybe his love will be enough for one, little, but so precious forgiveness.