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Cole’s not necessarily the type to be insecure about a relationship. He’s never really needed to with the team, or with anyone other than his father but that was a long time ago. Recently, though, Jay has been driving him mad.
Well not mad, Cole could never be mad at him. That adorable, freckled, wired man would have him faltering with just a stroke of a finger. Which makes what’s been happening now-a-days a little confusing to explain.
Their friendship has had its ups and downs, with more loops than your average rollercoaster. They got super close really quick after they first met, when they were just kids. Inseparable is the best word, genuinely tied at the hip. They also had a bit of an experimental time with each other. Nothing crazy, it was all innocent, they were kids, but it’s safe to say that neither of them had ever thought about crushes or romantics before meeting each other.
It was so easy though, they were already so close with each other, spending every waking and sleeping moment together. It was easy to be close then and have it feel natural. He wishes that’s the way it was now.
After Kai and Nya joined is when it started getting interesting. Not that Kai and Nya were the source of the problem, they were both just existing, but the rollercoaster started hitting an uphill when Jay realized he had similar wants and feelings with Nya.
That’s not a problem, honest, Cole didn’t mind it and he wouldn’t even call it jealousy. Hell, there were moments where he thought he might feel the same about girls. That’s what being young is about, experimenting and seeing if you like that stuff. The shift had just gone from Jay and Cole to Jay and Nya or Cole and Nya. That wasn’t the problem, the problem was the tension it caused between them all.
This was the first rough patch they hit, the biggest one really, but after all that died down it went more or less back to normal. The night that all came to a close was a special one, one of the best nights of Cole’s life.
Jay had come into Cole’s room late at night. That whole week was really weird for them, there was a lot of déjà vu stuff and Jay and Nya seemed to have trouble sleeping. Cole with his soft spot was more than willing to help them both out, even if the tension still hung around while Jay was crying into his shoulder.
The brunette wasn’t crying this night, though, “Hey Cole.” He whispered while he shook the black ninja slightly. They were all light sleepers, but Cole was especially easy to wake up.
He rubbed his eye, blinking them both open quickly when he saw Jay’s face, “You okay?” Leaning up on his elbow towards Jay, he moved to rest his hand atop the smaller’s.
“Yeah, I’m alright, I just want to talk.” Cole nodded his head scooting over a bit to make room. “No, not here… just uhhh come with me.” Jay chewed on his thumb nervously while he waited for Cole to stand up.
He followed the blue ninja out the monastery and down to a low cliff edge on a nearby mountain, the journey was dead silent except for the hum of cicadas surrounding them. Light pollution wasn’t around with how far out they were, so the sky was beautifully clear, painted with indigos and violets with just the stars illuminating the ground around them.
He watched as Jay perched himself on the end of the cliff, feet dangling off the edge over the calm waves below. The moon was huge, looming above them, lighting up Jay’s face perfectly as if that was its sole purpose of existing. He was remarkable.
“Come sit?” The remarkable boy patted the ground beside him, not sparing a glance back at Cole but keeping his eyes on the open waters.
They both stayed silent for a few minutes, the air growing heavier with the weight of the water in it. They both liked sitting in silence, so it wasn’t really a problem, but curiosity was starting to get the best of the earth element, “So… what’s up?”
After a deep breath and a long sigh, that’s when it all came out. Nadakhan, Nya, the arguments, the insults, the tournament fight… the feelings, all of it. Cole didn’t say a word the whole time, he sat through what had to have been 20 minutes of rambling, tears, and emotions before sitting in silence trying to think of how to respond.
However, no number of sappy words or apologies could possible express how he felt about all of it, so he followed what his heart told him to do instead. Grab Jay’s hand in his own, cup his face like they do in the movies, and kiss him. Kiss hard.
It wasn’t the most passionate kiss they’d shared, nor was it very good, but it was what they both needed. Their foreheads touched as they breathed in unison. “Let’s just move on from it all,” Cole whispered under his breath.
Jay nodded against him, trying to keep the water bubbling up around his eyes from falling with gravity. Before Cole could notice he was crying again, he brought a hand up to his dark-skinned neck, pushing their lips back into each other with more force.
The feel of kissing him was addicting, ever since that night Cole has been addicted to his touch. The urge to chase his high every time Jay’s tongue swiped his own was stronger than anything he’d ever felt.
This wasn’t even the first time they had kissed each other, but the air and the setting and the feelings, they both knew this moment could never be recreated.
Cole pulled back when he felt Jay chuckle into his mouth, “What’re you laughing at?” He smiled through the question, somehow feeling the urge to laugh along with him even though he didn’t know what was funny.
“Nothing,” Jay kept the big grin on his face as he looked back out to the water, swinging his feet back and forth again.
Cole hummed in response; his own smile plastered on his face as he admired the way the moon made every freckle on the brunette’s face glimmer. He knew the ninja too well, though, immediately recognizing the look on his face when he whipped around, knowing it meant trouble.
“Let’s jump in,” Jay grabbed Cole’s hand excitedly, jumping up and taking off his shirt in the process.
“What?!” Cole stood up with him, unwillingly, by the force of Jay’s hand in his own. His face flushed when he reached for the Cole’s night shirt, pulling it up and off for him.
“Come onnn, it’ll be fun. The water’s calm right now anyway.” Jay’s pajama pants came off as quickly as his shirt before he backed up to a rock further down the hill.
“This is a terrible idea,” Cole took off his own and jogged down to the rock with him.
“Just grab my hand and jump, come on, hurry!” Cole tried to squeeze out a reaction, but Jay moved too fast, the second he got a hold of the earth ninja’s hand he was off.
The water was super cold, but Jay was right, it was really calm. Usually, it’d be full of roaring waves, threatening to drown you if you’re even on the shore, close by. Maybe the universe knew the two of them needed this break from reality.
That night is a fond memory, it was the start of something new for both of them. A relationship, which is a phrase that holds a lot more power than most people make it out to.
Honeymoon phase was the key word after that. New relationship, new sparks, excitement; even if they had known each other for years, there was added weight now that they had a label for what were. A relationship.
By now, the honeymoon phase was long gone. That instead got replaced with being comfortable, too comfortable on occasion, and of course… insecurity. Which brings us back to what this whole sleepless night ramble Cole is having while he listens to his partner’s snoring beside him.
It’s felt like their relationship has been on a slow decline since the honeymoon phase ended. As if the rollercoaster went through all the loops and is now slowing down for the end of the ride. Which is scary, because Cole doesn’t want the ride to be over.
He’s not worried about breaking up exactly, the two of them love each other too much for that, its more just the idea of Jay getting bored. They aren’t really young anymore, the experimenting phase is pretty much over, and feels like it’s been so long since either of them have really been happy.
Honestly, the only time the black ninja has seen his partner satisfied at all was during sex. It’s starting to weigh on him. Not that he doesn’t want Jay to like having sex with him, but he wants to be able to be happy with him in all the other ways they used to.
He went to Zane about the whole ordeal not too long ago, knowing that he would be the most logical, unbiased party and that he wouldn’t tell anyone. He thinks that Cole should try to start up going on dates again or spicing up the relationship. Try to get the rollercoaster out of the dock again and back up the steep hill, but that was harder than it sounds.
To be fair, that conversation was had right before they did months worth of missions, but now even when they’re not busy its still hard. All he can think about is Jay saying no or thinking that its stupid. Which he KNOWS he would NEVER say that but that doesn’t change the fear in asking.
He snaps himself out of his thoughts for just a moment to glance over at Jay. Mouth open, long eyelashes perfectly still, slow breathing, yep, he was sleeping hard. He needed it with how busy they had been recently, not to mention the anniversary of you know what happening.
This time of year, is always bitter-sweet for Jay; there would always be the pang in his chest hearing the word ‘wish’, but it’s also on the same week their relationship actually became something. So to see Jay sound asleep right now on this week of all of them was a good sign, a great one.
In fact, Cole doesn’t think he’s seen his partner sleep this hard since his birthday 4 years ago, a long time to go without a solid nights sleep. That night was also a favorite for the black ninja, even though he doesn’t necessarily remember the whole thing.
It was Jay’s 21st, which you know what that means of course, and sure the whole team (that was of age) had agreed to go with Jay for his first time, but it ended up just being the couple. Kai was busy with Lloyd, Zane doesn’t really care for bars, and hell if Master Wu was going to go (no matter how much money Cole would pay to see that). So, it was just them.
It was really fun, not something the two ever made a habit out of, but it was the first time they had been able to really relax in a while. It didn’t take much for Jay to be done for the night, luckily it took a lot for Cole to be out of commission, so he was able to take him home.
They had to walk all the way back, since they were both mildly to severely intoxicated, but it was really nice. The conversation they had was flirtatious, not something the earth had expected from the blue ninja, but it was also something they both needed. Lots of laughter, genuine banter, and what might have been the only time they could be fully themselves that whole year. Even if it took some alcohol to get them there, Cole would kill to rekindle that.
By the time they had gotten back to the hallway leading towards their bedroom, Jay had his arms around Cole’s neck, lips pressed against each other. He’d never forget how Jay looked at him that night, the pure love in his eyes hidden behind the slightest layer of lust.
That night sparked a good period for them. It was as if the honeymoon phase revisited for just a few weeks, like the First Spinjitsu Master knew they needed it. Then it dulled down again over time, and now they’re back here. Laying in bed together, but not touching at all.
Zane was right, something needs to happen for that spark to come back. Every time that flame starts to dwindle again it freaks the black-haired ninja out. He wants to go back to that, back to the fluttery feeling and dopamine spikes.
He didn’t realize his face was wet til he felt the center of his thoughts wipe his hoodie-covered hand across his cheek. The thumb sliding under his eye slowly pulled him all the way out of his thoughts again.
“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” Cole’s voice was a lot raspier than he’d like to admit, he could feel it wanting to crack halfway through the question.
Jay shook his head, “Don’t worry about that, why are you upset?” The brunette rolled on his side all the way, wrapping his hand around his waist and pulling him closer.
Cole sniffled, pushing his face down into curly hair as he hugged a little tighter. He really didn’t want to have a conversation about all his insecurities with Jay at three in the morning while he’s half awake.
His breathing slowed a bit as the shushing and cooing underneath him continued, and when it had stopped all the way, Jay brought his head back up to plant a gentle kiss on Cole’s lips. “Talk to me.”
The pair don’t make eye contact too often, neither of them enjoy doing it, but in times like this it helped to study each others features. The amount of unexplainable love that Cole had for those brown eyes eventually bubbled up out of his mouth, “Do you wanna… go on a date with me?”
There was a beat of silence before a soft chuckle accompanied a hand on the black ninja’s cheek, “Of course I do, baby, but was that really what got you so worked up?” Another kiss, “I want to do everything with you.”
Another sob burned at Cole’s throat, but he kept it down, swallowing hard as he pressed his forehead into the lightning element’s shoulder. “Can we talk about it in the morning,” he mumbled into the blanket over top of them.
He felt Jay’s hand reach up into his hair, which somehow hurt more than it helped, “Of course, try to sleep. You aren’t going to escape me asking in the morning though.” Cole nodded in acknowledgement, finally shutting his eyes and falling asleep to the sound of a heartbeat.
“I’m sorry you feel like we’ve plateaued, I wish you could’ve told me earlier. We can always work on that stuff you know.” Ugh this conversation has been so awkward. Cole was usually the one so in tune with everyone’s feelings but now having to share his own has been a nightmare.
“I just didn’t really know how to say it all,” he kept his eyes toward the floor, still embarrassed that this had to be brought up in the first place. Maybe it he hadn’t cried over it in the middle of the night…
“Listen, seriously Cole, if you ever feel like we’re drifting or get insecure like this I really need you to let me know.” Since when is Jay so emotionally intelligent, “I don’t ever want you to feel that way.”
Cole’s firsts opened and closed, trying to release the tension in the air. He nodded, looking up more at the brunette, “Thank you.”
Jay’s expression was so perfect, how did he always manage to carry such love and respect in those eyes? Why hadn’t Cole seen it in such a long time? Has he really been so in his head about this he’s been missing the obvious signs of love this whole time?
Jay leaned in for what felt like the 100th apologetic kiss in a row, it was starting to feel like pity, but Cole had to push that thought back real fast before it caused another spiral, “When do you want to go on our date?”
Jay’s face lit up, intertwining both his hands into Cole’s own, “I’d like to go right now, if that’s okay.” This time the kiss wasn’t apologetic, it was targeted. Lips were pressed hard and slow, dragging only slightly longer than a peck would, and leaving a fluttery feel in Cole’s stomach when it was pulled away. “We can have a whole day together,” the blue ninja whispered, pulling back to move towards the dresser to pick out clothes for the both of them.
Maybe this will be just the spark they need.