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It’s Tony Fucking Stark √ @TheBestSuperhero
When I get a hold of you you little fucker
>Captain America √ @CaptainAmerica
Tony, what are you talking about?
>Local Roof Bird √ @BetterBird
Is your bedroom covered in potatoes again? Please let it be I didn’t get to see it last time. I just had to live my dream through Wanda’s memories
>I have more PhDs @BruceBanner
Is whoever this about the reason Sam and Rhodey look like they’re about to asphyxiate their laughing so much?
>Hacking The Government √ @Chair-Man
I really can’t think what you’re talking about, but it really is horrible that as such a prevalent person and hero within the community and the wider world that you are using such awful language.
>>Responsible Bird √ @TheBestBird
Are you the reason for FRIDAY’s new name protocols? Because if you are I owe you so much, I have never laughed this much.
>>>Hacking The Government √ @Chair-Man
Mwah? Hacking something? Never!
>>>>It’s Tony Fucking Stark √ @TheBestSuperhero
Stop counter hacking me you snivelling child
>>>>>Hacking The Government √ @Chair-Man
Counter hacking? I’m so terribly sorry good sir but I couldn’t be the one doing such a thing. I barely know how to turn on a laptop!
:/:/ @RestingBitchFace
I’m so confused as to what’s going on with the Avengers and 4T0M rn
What have they done?
>Stark’s 1st Babysitter √ @WarMachine
Someone has hacked FRIDAY and changed the names of all of Tony’s most frequently used protocols. Energy diversion (diverting all energy to thrusters) has been changed to ‘Kaaaaa chow’ protocol (I have been told the extra ‘a’s are necessary), Power down (complete suit shut down to save power) has been changed to ‘Nappity nap time Mr. Big Baby’, and a couple others but those are my favourite two.
>>:/:/ @RestingBitchFace
1, War Machine just replied to me
2, Those are fucking incredible
3, WAR MACHINE JUST FUCKING REPLIED TO ME
>>>Please Gib Me Money @VeryPoor
You’re taking this really well.
>>>>:/:/ @RestingBitchFace
I thought so too.
Just 1 More Language √ @peber
SO. How’s everyone doing? How have your days been? Everyone all good? All safe? Not being held hostage at gunpoint in an unknown location because a criminal organisation is convinced that you are Tony Stark’s son despite the fact your Aunt May has legal guardianship and is literally your mother figure and is absolutely incredible and you love her so so much? Good, good. It would be rather bad if anyone else was in that oddly specific situation, especially if their kidnappers were also stupid enough to forget to take away their phone.
>Ant Wasp = Fucking Awesome √ @BestShrinkingHero
Peter?? @TheBestSuperhero if my best friend dies because of you I am so fucking murdering you
>>Just 1 More Language √ @peber
Don’t @ Mr. Stark. He’s already probably on the way. They made me shoot a hostage video where they shot me in the thigh so he’s probably slightly concerned.
>>>Ant Wasp = Fucking Awesome √ @BestShrinkingHero
For good fucking reason??
Do you know where you are??
>>>>Just 1 More Language √ @peber
Nah. They gave me the good stuff to transport me.
Probably why I’m not panicking too much about this rn
I should be panicking a lot more, shouldn’t I?
God, I really should.
Holy shit why am I not panicking more
Shit I should break myself out
Gotta go
They’ll shoot me if I’m not quick enough at breaking out
I’ll phone you after I phone Aunt May to tell her I love her and that she’s like my mother and after Mr. Stark so I can tell him he’s awesome and probably Ned and MJ since they’re probably panicking to
>>>>>Ant Wasp = Fucking Awesome √ @BestShrinkingHero
Don’t do that you fucking fool
@Loki find Peter and I’ll give you anything you want
Aromantic not Aromatic @TheAromanticAussie
Holy shit I hope Peter’s alright. I’ve never met them in person, but they seem like a really good person and they’re way too young to die.
Did You Guess I Work At SI? @That’sGayI’mGay
If you die (@peber) nobody will be able to stop Dr. Stark from kicking the sloths out of the lab so you can’t die because I will go full criminal to keep the sloths here and you said you’d be mad if I go full criminal.
>SI Interns Official √ @GiveMeCoffee
I stand by that.
There’s 102 Of Us In Here @MushroomSystem
Has anybody heard anything yet? It’s been a couple hours since any of the heroes/vigilantes/Peter have been online and I’m really concerned. How can people be so fucking cruel?
>I’m Lonely @Homosexual
Fucking dickheads is what they are.
Live Updates On Midtown @NewsReporter
If Peter comes back with a hair harmed on his innocent head I’m rioting.
>Betty’s Common Sense @TheMoon
He’s already been shot Bets.
>>Live Updates On Midtown @NewsReporter
Are you wanting me to start fucking rioting??
>>>Betty’s Common Sense @TheMoon
Peter is strong. We know this, we figured this out. They’ll be okay.
>>>>Live Updates On Midtown @NewsReporter
I hope to God you’re right.
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Favourite Vigilantes
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Wall Sticker
Still breathing
In Your Computer
PETER HOLY FUCK ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU INJURED? ARE YOU WITH TONY? ARE YOU STILL WITH THE KIDNAPPERS? ARE YOU AT STARK TOWER? THE HOSPITAL? HOME? WITH AUNT MAY?
Stark’s Mortal Enemy
Darling where are you? We’re coming to you.
The Child
Did Loki make it to you? If Loki’s with you tell her to teleport to us and bring us to you.
Only One With Money
Are you in hospital? I’ll cover any bills if you are but I want to know that you’re safe and alright first. Do you want me to call May and get her to you?
Common Sense
Why the fuck would you take to social media instead of messaging us you fucking fool? Where the fuck are you so I can beat some sense into you?
Wall Sticker
Would anybody like me to answer or do you want to keep spamming messages for a little longer?
Only Actual Adult
Peter.
Wall Sticker
Sorry. Still wound a little high.
I’m all fine, bullet to the thigh, dislocated shoulder, minor concussion, and a lot of bruises. Dr Cho took a look at me (since I’m at the Tower now). Loki says she can come get you but she’s waiting until we’re off the medical floor since it’s too cramped for you all here. Mr. Stark and Aunt May are both here alongside all of the Avengers and Miss. Potts (hence why it’s so cramped). I took to social media because I didn’t really need help, they weren’t aware I was enhanced so one slight tense of the arms and I broke the restraints.
However, on that turn our plan to make all the Avengers figure out my identity before Mr. Stark is out of the window since I forgot I was out of suit, and he blasted through the wall as I was webbing up unconscious goons to the floor.
Common Sense
I’m still beating you the second Loki teleports us to you.
Wall Sticker
I guess I can accept that.
Glow Stick
Are you alright with all of us coming at once? I know you’re not majorly injured but there’s a lot of us and there’s a lot of people already there.
Wall Sticker
I’ll be alright Kamala. I think I’d prefer being able to see everyone up close, the goons were talking about coming after a couple of you next to get at your mentors, so I want to know you’re alright.
Only Actual Adult
You’re all getting tripled training.
The Child
You couldn’t keep your big mouth shut, could you? I’m never going to be able to feel my body againnn
Wall Sticker
As long as you guys are safe I don’t care how many laps Yelena makes me run or kg I’m made to lift.
A Literal God
You’ll be regretting that on lap 206.
I am coming to get you all now as Peter is being moved.
98% Human
Stephen is portaling me to the Tower since I was with him at the Sanctum.
Wall Sticker
I’ll see you all soon :D:D
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Just 1 More Language √ @peber
Guess whose alive?? Tony Stark! He didn’t have a heart attack while looking for me, go him! Can we get a round of applause?
>Betty’s Common Sense @TheMoon
You fucking dick! This is how we find out you’re alive? After 24 hours of radio silence? Bets may not be planning on rioting but I fucking am!
>>Just 1 More Language √ @peber
I’m sorry Cindy! I was going to message sooner but there was a lot of legal that needed to be dealt with and I needed to sleep off the drugs as well as the concussion.
>>>Betty’s Common Sense @TheMoon
You’re still not forgiven and you owe me a lifetime’s supply of coffee to make up for the anxiety you’ve caused us all.
>>>>Just 1 More Language √ @peber
Yes ma’am.
Just 1 More Language √ @peber
I have definitely sent my therapist to therapy; she’s more traumatised over me having been kidnapped than me.
>The Best Hacker @ihackedtonystark
Everyone seems more traumatised over your kidnapping that you do.
>>Just 1 More Language √ @peber
Not my first time.
>>>The Best Hacker @ihackedtonystark
That makes it more concerning.
>>>>Just 1 More Language √ @peber
I try my hardest. My only secrets now are my untold trauma, gotta keep dishing it out now.
>>>>>It’s Tony Fucking Stark √ @TheBestSuperhero
Your aunt says I can sign you up for more therapy.
>>>>>>Just 1 More Language √ @peber
Aw :c :c I feel I have girlbossed too close to the sun