Work Text:
Get Me That Motherfuckin' Honey, Baby
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Brooke Belrose’s POV
-Beverly Hills, November 1992-
Brooke Belrose stepped into the scene. She was a starlet gold digger from Glenberry, Florida and she was aiming for the stars. Her target? Pierce Thorndyke, the first man she was going to rob right under his nose.
She was only a freshman in high school but she already knew men like ‘em younger. Pierce was already desperate for a date. She can tell it from his eyes. It was a high school reunion she managed to crash and Pierce was a college sophomore. Already he had the funds Daddy dearest was holding back now and he was about to talk about his time in Silicon Valley.
“Say, want to ditch this place and go to your place?” Brooke asked.
Before Pierce could open his mouth, he was stopped by a voice.
“May I have your attention please, everyone? I am going to make an announcement!”
“Wait. Is that Bianca… with…?!”
Brooke groaned though. Pierce was too focused, nay, taken aback by a girl that had it too good for all this time; Her name was Bianca Dupree. Spoiler alert: She seemed to have had a change of heart after five years, and she just announced she was proposing to a man that was only a year senior to her. The worst part, she was below her station.
Wilshire Brentwood was her chauffeur and personal butler, almost a goon of hers from what Brooke heard from the gossip. She seemed begrudging to announce it at first but it didn't matter. Brooke Belrose will have her revenge on Bianca Dupree. She didn't know how, or when, but when it happens, she will show her not to botch her plans.
Something happened afterwards that Brooke didn't get to hear. But she heard lots of screaming and what smelled of gas. Good riddance. The people of Beverly Hills are all schmucks anyway.
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Inna De Poona, June 11, 2024
Brooke didn't think she would see Bianca and Wilshire again until Lysandra Segovia showed up with Polly Bendleson to do an interview of sorts. Brooke was disgusted. The worst part is that Bianca and Wilshire didn't look like they aged a day.
“...Worst of all, I can not believe the humidity of this place! If I sweat any further…”
“D-Don't worry my princess… I…”
“Save it, Wilshire. We managed to find a cool spot finally. The truth is, I have several questions for *you* Ms. Segovia.”
“Well you can ask ME instead,” Brooke said, stepping in trying to show she's the manager.
“Uhh, it isn't necessary Mrs. Belrose. I was under the impression that this was strictly confidential between me and Ms. Dupree and her… handyman Swiss-Army fiance, Mr. Brentwood,” Lysandra said.
“Actually, I can ask one question… Do I know you?” Bianca asked. She seemed to recognize Brooke but the memory of her was foggy.
“Of course! I’m Brooke Belrose, one of the most well-established rich businesswomen of Belrose enterprises. I am able to keep the shops here running like a top while my no-good husband is off doing something elsewhere. I *did* show up to your high school reunion once in Beverly Hills if I recall…” Brooke said with a hiss.
“Really? You look awfully too young to be a student of ‘87! You must be pulling my leg!” Bianca gasped. Brooke felt she was mocking her. The utter nerve of this bitch. Brooke snarled away from her.
“I never heard of you either. Had we known about the Belrose business empire, it must be a new thing!” Wilshire with the most dopey expression a man can have made Brooke even more upset. Is Bianca Dupree that much above him. And wait. Weren't they supposed to be married by now? What is taking them so long?
Brooke left in a huff. She is upset. She thought the gas killed them off but apparently it was as if nothing happened.
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Lysandra Segovia’s POV
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I thought you two would have gotten together like two peas in a pod! Brooke is a real rich… personality just like you!” Lysandra laughed nervously.
“Classy, Lysa. Real classy,” Polly rolled her eyes at her.
“Hmph. Of course she envies my position. I’m as beautiful as a princess, which is why men adore me,” Bianca laughed.
“Ohhh, and she really means it,” Wilshire swooned.
“Well, the HunieBee read you had NEGATIVE chemistry with her. She literally stormed off the minute Wilshire opened his mouth,” Kyu, the pink haired love fairy said as she stepped in showing her phone to Lysandra.
“I mean, call me stupid, but you guys disappeared in ‘92 and were summoned here by Kyu to stop the ‘super period of massive proportions’, but so far, my readings of the HunieBee just read you guys are only compatible with each other,” Lysandra said.
“W-what?! Wait. I don't understand!” Bianca gasped.
“We were truly made for each other huh?” Wilshire sighed, as if he was relieved by Lysandra’s reading of the HunieBee.
“Shouldn't we try to head back to California? Maybe we'll go back and talk to Larke or Troy or…?!” Bianca was in panic mode before Lysandra tilted her head.
“Girl, please. This is 2024. People will get the wrong idea about you hitting up washed-up surfer dudes in their 50’s if they're still loaded in cash. You are WAY above gold digging. Hitting on Brooke was *pushing* it and that's coming from me,” Kyu said as she pointed at herself.
“W-wait… This isn't the ‘90’s?” Bianca was shaken by the news Kyu revealed to her.
“That does explain why the technology is different,” Wilshire stated aloud.
“Ummm… Shiiiiiit.” Lysandra laughed nervously.
“How do we go back?! I haven't even truly apologized to Larke and…?!” Bianca was looking at the mirror in panic.
“Relax, Bianca. We got this. All you have to do is forget about her and rizz up your simp,” Kyu replied.
“Goodness, that's a little excessive,” Polly gasped, “But don't worry. I’ll try to catch you all up in the meantime!”
“Wow Ms. Polly! Are all girls nice like this in the future?” Wilshire asked.
“Only the cute ones,” Polly winked.
“This gives me an idea for a boring Double Date. You and Abia should go dating these two. Something tells me Abia and Wilford or whoever this dweeb is will be getting along a little too well with Abia,” Kyu looked at Lysandra.
“Oh brother…” Lysandra groaned.
“She better not take Wilshire away from me. He’s already an engaged man!” Bianca huffed.
“Don't worry. She's… probably more interested in what you do to this guy in the bedroom,” Kyu giggled.
Bianca and Wilshire looked at each other before internally panicking. They are in for a trip.