Chapter Text
Two days before the start of term. Severus takes a tired step back from the counter in the potion’s lab storeroom, adjusting the sleeves he’d rolled up past his forearms to fall back down to his wrists, rebuttoning against a growing evening chill. His hips are a bit numb after what he suspects has been at least a five hour stint down here seated in a hard wooden chair, methodically jarring and tagging, sorting and bundling the trove of ingredients that have been accumulating with the new school year deliveries.
Rubeus should be returning soon with the last few items that Severus decided were absolutely necessary to complete the first month or so of lessons. Kindly the larger man had offered to do start of term shopping for the both of them, knowing instinctively that the milling crowds of children and parents cautiously returning to normalcy would be far, far too much for Severus to navigate just yet.
Severus is not certain how he will thank the man, and he’s confident the half giant won’t accept any thanks directly, but he’ll find a way to show the depths of his gratitude one way or the other. Heat touches his cheeks as a few more risqué options come to mind, but he brushes them back quickly. Now is not the time to be thinking of such things.
Later.
He shakes his head and brushes a few bits of dried leaf litter and a smudge of powdered cinnabar off the front of his robes before taking up his wand and muttering a quick general cleansing charm to clear anything maleficent lingering in the air. He has inured himself personally against the worst of airborne hazards through a series of wards, but he prides himself on a tidy lab and it won’t do to leave even an invisible mess behind.
With truly impressive synchronicity it is just as Severus exits his storeroom that the main fireplace in the classroom roars to life. It’s one of the largest hearths in the castle aside from those in the kitchens and fortunately allows Rubeus Hagrid’s hefty frame to step out with only a minimum amount of stooping.
Severus collects his cane, letting out a tiny sigh of relief when he can lean back onto it for support.
“Welcome back.” Severus says quietly, oddly embarrassed by the profession of sentiment but determined to say it all the same.
The large man pauses in his aggressive beating of soot off his overcoat, his big head picking up to positively beam at his lover. “Good ter be back!” He greets with such effusive warmth it pushes Severus from mild embarrassment to a proper flush, a blotchy red tinging his gaunt cheeks.
From the delighted glitter of Rubeus’ eyes Severus has to conclude he notices the blush. He’s told Severus in no uncertain terms how much he likes it when the man’s cheeks pink for him. Considering how bloodless and gray Severus must have been when he first came under the half-giant’s care, he can grudgingly admit he understands.
Severus breaks eye contact to try and save some semblance of his dignity. He takes in the wealth of packages piled up under one of Rubeus’ thick arms. It cannot be a light burden, but the groundskeeper huffs merrily and steps forward to heft the lot on top of Severus’ desk. When he lets them go there’s a few moments of jostling and juggling to keep things from tumbling to the floor, but soon enough the heap of goods is settled and Rubeus straightens up proudly.
“Got everything on yer list, even the roach meal, though they had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to get enough for yeh.”
Severus frowns lightly, making mental note to test the potency of the ingredient before it’s needed. It shouldn’t be too difficult to shift the recipe if it proves stale. “Thank you, Rubeus, I’m certain it will suffice.”
They fall into a companionable silence, working together to sort the items, unwrapping and inspecting and carrying things into the store room for safe keeping.
Rubeus has a handful of items he purchased for his own needs and Severus produces a harvesting satchel from the back with mild exasperation, directing the man to repack his items for easier carrying. Before long the table has been cleared save for one flat package wrapped inauspiciously in brown paper and secured with twine. A book perhaps? Severus reaches out to inspect it but before his fingers make contact Rubeus swipes it from the desktop and it vanishes into his new bag with a muttered word or two that Severus does not quite make out.
“Pardon?” He narrows his eyes, surprised, but Rubeus just shakes his head with a somewhat bashful smile and asks Severus if he would like to go to the Great Hall to join the other professors for dinner, or if he would prefer they sup back at the hut.
Not fooled in the slightest, Severus levels an unimpressed look, holding it for a moment or two to make clear his dissatisfaction, but ultimately he lets it slide. He trusts the man. Let him have a mystery or two.
He can always spy later if it seems necessary. He is rather good at that, afterall.
”As much as it pains me, we should put an in appearance with the others. We will be required to do so more frequently once the masses return after all- wouldn’t hurt to re-acclimate.” Straightening with a sigh, Severus brushes invisible dust off the front of his robes and settles his cane under his hand. He lifts his head with a touch of his classic imperiousness and arches an eyebrow, assuring himself of Rubeus’ agreement.
“As yeh say!” Hagrid responds jovially, his mouth stretched in a broad smile. He dusts off his own sleeve then offers his arm gallantly to the smaller man. Perhaps it’s meant in jest, but Severus decides to take it as an earnest offer.
They have been seen often enough walking together, and Rubeus regularly places his hands on Severus to offer support. A warm curl of something like pride settles in his chest when he imagines the rubbernecking at the dining table should they walk in together with Severus tucked in close and fond to Rubeus’ side.
He does not appreciate being a spectacle… but he does enjoy subverting others’ expectations.the gawking over his neatly trimmed goatee has certainly been humorous enough.
Rubeus chest puffs up proudly when Severus tucks his freehand into the crook of the half-giant’s elbow. The significance of it does not escape him. “Yeh sure?” He asks, cautiously hopeful, and Severus nods primly.
“Quite.”
Heads certainly do turn when they join the rest of the faculty and staff for dinner. Eyebrows raise when Rubeus disentangles Severus’ hand only to formally pull out the potion master’s seat and help settle him at the table, leaning low to murmur something private in his ear that leaves the usually taciturn man smiling.
It’s a pleasant enough meal, surreptitious glances not withstanding.
Given permission Rubeus seems determined to touch Severus as frequently as he can get away with. He cups his boney shoulder when he points out something across the room, covers his wrist on the table with his enormous fingers when he turns to address him with a sunny smile, his hand even disappears under the table at one point to rest all too obviously on Severus’ narrow thigh.
Subtle and elegant it is not, but Severus finds he enjoys the attention well enough. He will speak with Rubeus later to make certain such physical displays are dramatically reduced once the children arrive, but for now he does not overly mind being entertainment for his peers.
If they have all determined him to be aloof and unloveable, let them be proven wrong.
He can be tender when such gentleness is well earned. He can be loved.
They leave before dessert, Rubeus citing a need to see to his newly acquired Lesser Northern Dingbats (Ole and Lena, as named by the breeder who produced them in eastern Wisconsin). Severus makes no excuse for himself at all as he rises as well. Silent and proud, he hooks his hand on Rubeus’ offered arm once more and together they make their way out of the great hall. The steady tap, tap, tap of his cane is his only farewell.
If conversation at the table swells significantly as they exit into the main hall, well, Severus can’t say he’s surprised.
Contentedly they make their way back home.
Home.
That a humble hut is more a home to him than any other dwelling has been before- well, the humor of it does not escape him.
Minerva has already approved some significant renovations to the stone building and a specialist in architectural magic will be down at the end of the month to assist with the most complicated adjustments. No need for dwarves for something as simple as this, though Sujki did send them a beautiful circular stained glass window pane. How the dwarrowdam heard they were remodeling is a mystery, and why she cared enough to offer them a gift even moreso, but the beautiful geometric design in shades of emerald green, sky blue and pale amber is very much appreciated. They have already decided it will take place of prominence above the main door.
By the time winter arrives Severus expects to be fully moved out of his dungeons and into the hut. There will be a lab added to the back, a small private study for each of them, and a proper bedroom with a door. He suspects in the end the whole thing will look rather grand compared to its humble footing now- he hopes Rubeus does not become fussed by it all. More space is needed if they are both to reside here and more luxury is well deserved. The humble groundskeeper may not need more comforts, but it is simple enough to provide them and Severus will not hear any complaints on the matter.
They have earned their rest. He is decided.
Settling in for a bit of reading before bed, a cup of tea balanced on the arm of his chair, Severus is entirely content. The sensation is still quite novel, but he is gradually coming to terms with it. He certainly never thought he would live long enough to find such a place of peaceful belonging, but he has, and he chooses to accept it.
He has survived. He has earned it.
Rubeus comes in a bit later, having peeled off from Severus to see to the dingbats and other animals that need evening attention. Their injured thestral is improving magnificently with Severus’ assistance and honestly the both of them are quite pleased to see it.
“Blimey, it’s still so bloody warm. I’m lookin’ forward to a bit of cooler weather finally.” The half giant grumbles as he kicks off his boots at the door and proceeds to stomp around, stripping off his gray tunic as he goes. Apparent sweat marks under the arms and the back darken the fabric to nearly black.
The warmth that prickles Severus’ cheeks is irritating, but there’s nothing much to be done for it as he finds himself caught up in admiring his lover’s physique.
They say opposites attract and he must grudgingly admit to the truth of it. That Rubeus is full where he is spare, ruddy where he is pallid, hirsute where he is smooth- it all has a deep, visceral appeal. One finger twitches where it grips the cover of his book, betraying the tingling in his hands, the want in him to simply reach out and touch-
Blessedly Rubeus disappears into the washroom and the sink turns on with a loud gurgle, allowing Severus to let out a breath he had not realized he was holding.
Bloody attractive man. Damn him- making a fool of Severus.
The potions master shakes his head with a wry smile lifting the corner of his mouth.
It’s not long before Rubeus returns, beads of water clinging to his skin and chest hair, glittering prettily in the low light of the few lamps they have lit. He wasn’t wrong: it is dreadfully warm for late August. There will be no fire for them tonight.
Severus marks his place with a slip of parchment and shuts his book, setting it aside.
He is not finding himself particularly invested in his reading.
It’s far more pleasing entertainment, he’s realizing, to watch the bigger man as he tuttles about the room, gathering a dry flannel to pat at his damp chest, rooting through his clothing for a clean sleep shirt, shamelessly dropping his trousers before tugging the garment over his head. Severus flushes further at the latter, but does not look away.
They have been sharing a bed now for several weeks and have made love more times than Severus can count on both hands. Rationally this seems to be more than sufficient intimacy to remove any sense of self consciousness from their relationship, and yet Severus finds himself blushing like a school boy.
He wants to laugh at himself, so he does, just huffing quietly under his breath, privately amused.
“yeh alrigh’?”
”More than. Just becoming dottering in my old age.”
Rubeus cocks his head to the side, considering. ”Eh I can always change in the bathroom if it makes ye-“
It’s an appalling thought and Severus cuts in sharply. ”Merlin, no, it is your home before it is mine, walk around starkers if you want.”
Rubeus throws his head back and laughs loudly, his black eyes glittering with mirth when he comes back down to earth. “Not sure I’d find that too comfortable meself but I’ll keep it in mind.”
He shuffles over to the table, reaching into the satchel of still wrapped parcels he left hanging from the back of a chair. He looks oddly fey for such a large, bulky man, his bare feet pale and curiously soft looking where they stick out beneath the hem of his white linen night shift. “It’s yer home as much as it’s mine, Sev. As long as ye’ll have me, this is a place for both of us, not one o’er the other.” His tone is still light but there’s an earnestness there. He goes quiet as he roots around in the bag for a moment before coming up with the mysterious package from earlier, the corners of the brown paper wrapping now slightly crumpled from transport.
“I been livin’ here a long time by meself. It were cozy, comfy and mine and that was all of the good.” He turns to Severus and after a moment’s hesitation, reaches out to hand him the package. Severus’ brows dip in confusion, but he lifts his hands up to accept the offering all the same, promptly turning it over to get a feel for it. “I haf’ter say that now, well, it’ll never feel the same without yeh. I didn’t know what I was missin’ till I had you with me, an’ now I know jus’ how much better, how much nicer it is to have you livin’ here too an’, well- ah, I’m jus’ saying I hope yeh stay. As long as ye’ll have me. Which I’m hopin’ is a long, long time.”
Severus blinks quickly, his chest feeling stiff. He swallows and looks away from the deep affection Rubeus is radiating like the sun, selflessly warm and illuminating. He feels like a smudge of shadow under its brilliant regard, like it should not touch him or he might just burn up and disappear completely.
Fool of a man.
Keeping silent for fear of saying something truly ridiculous, Severus unties the twine with fingers he stubbornly keeps from trembling.
”I stopped at the used bookshop while I were out shoppin’ today.” He continues, a mild tension tinging his words. “Went in meaning to see if I couldn’t find ye somethin’ interesting to read, and they ‘ad this on the wall and ah, well, it made me think of you. Of us.”
The paper falls away like the slow splay of butterfly wings. Inside is a gilt frame, lightly tarnished and not overly-ornamental, but still mildly ostentatious. The glass is a bit wavy, a sign of its age, and protected beneath it is an illustration.
Broad, long, dark green leaves reach up proudly from a narrow golden bulb and a neatly rendered tangle of fine white roots. A long, petiole-like stalk emerges from the bulb, pale green and sturdy., stretching tall to the top of the paper before blooming into a delicate bounty of small, white flowers. Allium ursinum has been engraved in neat, curling script at the bottom. A small red-brown beetle depicted by the roots seems like it’s almost perching on the words. It gazes up with its mandibles spread, as if in awe of the towering plant before it. Penitent and worshipful.
“Shopkeep said it were by someone named Marianne, a bit of an antique he said, I jus’ thought-“
”Maria Sibylla Merian.” Severus interrupts softly. He reaches out to trace a finger over the glass, following the long stalk. At once Rubeus goes quiet, listening. “A 17th century naturalist. She had a knack for finding her way into places she should have been barred from entering. Her work single handedly revolutionized scientific illustration.”
He has a book of reprinted Merian illustrations that he still uses in plant identification. For some of the more overlooked and under-appreciated plants and insects her work is still the best reference available. The exacting beauty of her engravings leaves no room for improvement.
“Bear leaks.” He murmurs, too overwhelmed to even hate himself for the itching sting forming in the pit of his eye.
“Aye. When ye was first startin’ to really wake, remember we-“
Severus shakes his head and steels himself before lifting his gaze to meet Rubeus’. “I remember.”
”Sev-“ Rubeus says his name warm and low, full of admiration, of want. Severus’ thumbs buss over the edges of the worn frame, his fingers clinging greedily.
“It is a handsome gift.” He says softly. “I- Thank you, Rubeus.”
For a moment they just hold each other’s gaze. It lasts as long as Severus can possibly stand it- until the fullness and warmth suffusing his chest is just too much to bear.
Every time he thinks this man has pushed him to his absolute emotional limits, he finds a way to nudge him just a little bit further.
It’s… a challenging experience. After nearly four months however, Severus needs to be honest with himself: he’s rather curious how much further his half giant will manage to take him.
“I love you.” The words slip off the tongue low and easy. The only concession to his nerves is the sideways cast of his glance and his fingertips blanching where they grip the edges of his gift.
He is not afraid of Rubeus’ response. He is not even truly afraid of this feeling anymore.
But it is rather frightening to say goodbye to who he was. Who has been. Who he has had to be.
It is also a farewell sorely needed and long overdue.
He has earned the right to part ways with himself.
“Sev- I- I Love you too, Sev, so much I can’t even begin- I jus’- I-“
The tell tale dampness to Rubeus’ tone quirks Severus lips up in a fond smirk. It gives him the courage he needs to make eye contact once more. “I know. You say it readily enough.”
His smile softens as his dark eyes meet with Rubeus’ own, a tell-tale mistiness glittering along the half-giant’s lashes. It’s ridiculous, Severus knows, but he does not dislike it any longer. At least as long as it is here, in a quiet place, a place where they are both known and at ease. A place that has proven to be safe. He appreciates the depths to which Rubeus Hagrid can feel and the freeness with which he shows it- the large man can feel enough for the both of them, and Severus finds himself quite relieved for the support, his own emotions all too thin and un-tended, half withered from years of disuse.
Rubeus makes it easy to feel.
“I love you, Rubeus Hagrid. I may not say it easily or often, but I would have you know with certainty that I love you, and I have not loved anyone in a long, long time.” He releases his gift with one hand so he can grip the arm of the chair, needing the support in getting to his feet. Seamlessly Rubeus reaches out to cup his elbow, lending his strength to his lover.
“Thank you.” Severus says softly.
Rubeus takes the illustration and the discarded wrapping paper from Severus’ hands, absently but carefully setting it all on the table to be further addressed in the morning. He proceeds to wrap his large, calloused palms around Severus’ now free hands, warming them, squeezing gently. Without a word he leans down and Severus meets him for a kiss, a gentle press of lips, warm and soft.