Work Text:
Donghyuck takes a deep breath as he finishes putting in the code to their apartment, trying to calm his heart before he opens up the door.
He's only mildly successful, heart pumping again when Lucy tries to make her usual break outside. He ushers her in with his feet, making sure she stays behind him as the door shuts.
"You won't like the world out there," he tells her quietly, shaking his head at her, telling her this every single time she tries to get out. She meows back at him, indignant, and he only sighs when she runs back into the apartment when he reaches out to try and pet her. Luke and Luna are nowhere to be seen, likely lounging in the bed and unbothered to come greet him — they're probably with Jaemin, though Donghyuck doesn't call out to announce his presence.
He takes off his shoes, and keeps his head down when he hears footsteps come closer to him. He makes sure his breaths are steady again, not wanting to give Jaemin any indication that he's anything other than so totally calm and fine. He's totally fine, even though they argued last night about the fact Donghyuck keeps working so late, and he's two hours late tonight. It's totally fine, even though they both went to sleep with the argument unresolved, because Donghyuck already knew he'd be coming home late tonight and knew he wouldn't be able to placate Jaemin or make any promises without immediately breaking them. It's totally fine, even though Jaemin had silently left the apartment before he had this morning without their usual goodbyes.
It's totally fine, even though he'd been chewed out again at work, and he's going to be again tomorrow for clocking out earlier than his boss wanted him to tonight. Totally fine, even though he didn't bring any lunch to work, and his phone kept crashing whenever he tried to order food. Totally fine, even though he's under so much stress at work he thinks he's going to crumble under it, and totally fine about the fact he doesn't know where he stands right now with Jaemin after their fight. Totally, absolutely, one-hundred-fucking-percent fine.
"Hey," Jaemin says rather calmly as Donghyuck's fingers pause from tugging off his shoes and he remains still.
Donghyuck breathes out again. Takes off his shoes and puts them to the side, talking without glancing up at Jaemin just yet. "Hey."
Finally, he's able to gather the courage to look at Jaemin, bracing himself for whatever expression Jaemin might be giving him. Jaemin's not pissed, at least, though he rarely holds onto his anger so visibly. He's just studying Donghyuck, looking over him with a gaze that would feel intimidating if Donghyuck didn't know that Jaemin is just trying to figure out what he's thinking.
"How was work?" Jaemin asks him.
Awful. I got yelled at and embarrassed in front of the whole team for a mistake I never made. All the hours I'm doing overtime aren't going to be paid, turns out. I kept worrying about the fact you left this morning without saying goodbye, and I couldn't focus. Rather than saying any of that, though, he just shrugs. "Yeah, it was alright."
Jaemin looks at him like he knows exactly how much of a lie that is. He takes in a breath, the same kind that Donghyuck has been using to brace himself all night, and he decides to cut in before Jaemin can speak.
"How was yours?" Donghyuck asks in turn quickly.
Jaemin narrows his eyes slightly, knowing he's being diverted, but goes along with it for a moment. "Yeah, the usual. Listen, Donghyuck-"
"I don't want to talk about work," Donghyuck says, cutting in again.
"Okay, well, I just think we should talk about-"
"Jaemin," Donghyuck's voice is harsh and sharp. But if they get into another argument tonight about Donghyuck's work, it's going to be the tipping point and he knows it. "Just... not tonight, okay?"
"Donghyuck," Jaemin sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I think we should talk tonight."
Jaemin usually doesn't push so much — not this seriously. They argue all the time, but Donghyuck has never heard Jaemin be this stern or intense. Immediately, a stone drops in his stomach.
He thinks the worst. He usually wouldn't, but he's worn down, and everything in life seems to be crashing into him at once.
Is this it? Has he had enough? Donghyuck asks himself, the voice in his head hysterical. His heart thuds heavily, blood rushing in his ears. Is he done?
His expression must shatter. Something must be enough for Jaemin's own face to fall, for Jaemin to reach out his hands and cup Donghyuck's cheeks.
"Baby," Jaemin says softly. Baby, Donghyuck repeats in his mind, that's a good sign. He probably wouldn't use a term like that if he was trying to break up with me, right?
But he's not so sure. And the uncertainty of it all is sending him spiralling. It would make sense, he thinks, if Jaemin were to. The universe seems to have it out for him — while he thought his job was easily the worst part of it all, turns out ha-ha, the guy he wants to marry is going to break up with him. Maybe his job isn't so bad after all, he thinks, still hysterically yelling inside of his mind.
"Jaemin," he says, and the sound of it is ragged. It's all too close to a plea.
"You're— okay," Jaemin breathes out, still studying Donghyuck. "Okay, let's put this off a little then, hm? Maybe after a shower we can talk."
Donghyuck thinks, perhaps a little dramatically, I'll just try and drown myself in it. But his heart drops again, his stomach clenches, and he shakes his head. He doesn't think he can drag this out, waiting for Jaemin to just say it. He needs to hear it. Needs this god-awful day to just become the worst day in his entire existence already so that it can just be done.
"If you're going to do it, just..." He trails off, helpless. He swallows thickly, and he blinks, realising his eyes are watery and about to spill over. Jaemin's thumbs are brushing back and forth over his cheeks and just under his eyes, but he swats Jaemin's hands away and steps back. He doesn't need Jaemin making this any harder than it already is.
"What... Oh," Jaemin realises something, his expression changing between so many emotions that Donghyuck can't even keep up. He reaches out again, though this time he pulls Donghyuck into his arms, wrapping an arm around his back as one cups the back of his head. "You idiot, I'm not breaking up with you."
It takes a couple of moments for that to sink in. Donghyuck pulls in a ragged breath, and then weakly hits Jaemin's sides with clenched fists. His heart is returning back to a normal rhythm, the blood in his ears no longer so loud, but now there's just embarrassment hot on the heels of despair and he doesn't know what to think anymore. "Then what the hell are you doing?"
Jaemin rocks back and forth, keeping Donghyuck tight in his hold as he shifts his weight between his feet. He leaves Donghyuck unanswered for long enough that Donghyuck starts to doubt it all again, spiralling so quickly once more, but Jaemin finally replies before he can try and pull away again in his hurt.
"Donghyuckie, you're exhausted. You're not able to think straight," Jaemin says, fingers tightening in his hair slightly like he's making a point.
Donghyuck makes a noise in protest.
Jaemin huffs, his own argument forming. "You jumped straight into thinking I was breaking up with you. Which I am not doing — hopefully not ever, alright?"
The relief of it crashes over him, and Donghyuck huffs, trying not to show just how much it means to him to hear Jaemin say it right now.
"Then don't talk to me in a tone like you're going to break up with me," Donghyuck grumbles, embarrassment making him press his head down into Jaemin's shoulder. "Asshole."
"It's not like you to think like this," Jaemin sighs, now stroking the back of Donghyuck's head. "Which is why I want to talk. You haven't been yourself — Donghyuck, this job is taking too much out of you."
"I really don't want to talk about this stupid job today," Donghyuck mutters, winding his arms around Jaemin's waist and connecting his hands on Jaemin's back. Now that he's in Jaemin's hold, he doesn't want to leave — he didn't think he'd get this tonight, not after their fight the previous night. While it's still embarrassing that he'd assumed too much, he's almost relieved for it now. He's gotten his biggest concern out of the way, and the fear of Jaemin breaking up with him has made his job seem insignificant now. He doesn't want to think about it anymore — he just wants to keep holding onto Jaemin.
"Just... let's get it out the way now, okay? And then it's done with," Jaemin still insists.
Donghyuck holds Jaemin tighter in protest. "I just want to be with you."
Even his unfamiliar sappiness isn't enough to dissuade Jaemin. "You can be with me as we sit at the table together and talk."
"Why the table? Why not right here?"
Jaemin laughs and pulls back just enough so that Donghyuck can't bury himself in his shoulder any longer. "Because you need to look at the spreadsheets I made."
"...Spreadsheets?" Donghyuck questions. He clears his throat and gives Jaemin a perplexed look. "Have you been making data for my moods or something?"
"Okay, before you assume anything else, just come see," Jaemin says, arms lowering and reaching behind himself so that he can pull apart Donghyuck's hands to hold them himself. "They're nice-looking spreadsheets, alright? I worked hard on them, I need some appreciation."
"Spreadsheets sounds like work," Donghyuck groans, though he thinks he can bear with it as long as it's not just Jaemin laying out all the reasons they should be breaking up.
Jaemin knows he's won, as he just steps back and pulls Donghyuck along to the table. Donghyuck looks over at it, and can't help but smile as he sees the way the printed sheets of paper have all been decorated with pink and sparkly stickers. Jaemin pulls out a chair for him, right in front of all of it, and then pulls his own chair so that it's closer than it usually is. He hooks his leg around Donghyuck's too, their ankles brushing against each other.
"This is a lot," Donghyuck says, looking at all the sheets in front of him. He looks over some of the headings, noting the way Jaemin has broken down their income and spending. He catches a glimpse of another spreadsheet, which looks like records of the hours Donghyuck has been working and all the overtime he's been clocking in over the past couple of months. He knows Jaemin has been worrying for a while, but it's different to see all the evidence of it in front of him.
Jaemin puts a hand on his thigh, and then with his free hand reaches out and pulls one of the sheets closer. "It is. I want you to know I've put serious thought into this, and I have for a while."
"I can see that," Donghyuck says, eyes swimming over all the sheets. He turns to Jaemin, eyebrows furrowing. "But why?"
"Because you're not going to like what I'm going to say, but I want you to listen anyway," Jaemin tells him.
"Just as long as you're not breaking up with me," Donghyuck breathes out, trying to make his tone light but not quite succeeding.
Jaemin tuts at him. "I already told you I'm not. Do you need me to print out even more spreadsheets about all the reasons why I'm not going to do that?"
Donghyuck finds a laugh escaping his lips, some of all the heavy tension from the day disappearing. "No. No more spreadsheets, please god."
Jaemin wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls him over for a quick kiss to his temple. "Fine, no more. For tonight. But you'll listen, right?"
"I'll listen," Donghyuck reassures.
Jaemin nods. He shuffles around his papers for another moment, though Donghyuck can tell it's just out of nerves rather than for organisation. Finally, Jaemin settles, and then looks back at Donghyuck.
"I want you to look for another job. Or... or not even that. I want you to quit this job. Immediately, honestly," Jaemin says.
Donghyuck stares at him. Shock makes him freeze, but he dethaws with the sense of panic that rises up. "But-"
"Just hang on," Jaemin stops him, butting in. "Just listen. We have the funds for you to take a couple of months off at least. You can take off more. We just need to adjust some finances, which you can see... here, look at this table. And that's only if you have over three months without income."
Donghyuck grabs the paper, reading over the table of information that Jaemin has laid out. He presses his lips together. "Jaemin..."
"And this job will have to pay out your annual leave, which gives us a bonus of cushion money I haven't even factored in. Not to mention my own pay rise that might happen, but even if I don't get it, we'll be fine. If I do, we're going to be more than fine," Jaemin says.
"Jaemin this..." He swallows, surprised to find his throat thick. He shakes his head. "I can't let you be the only one working and contributing, that's not fair."
"Donghyuck. I swear to god, I'd rather move in with Chenle and Jisung than see you at this job any longer," Jaemin tells him firmly.
Donghyuck huffs. "It's not... it's not that bad, you know. I can keep going for a little longer. At least until I can get something else."
"I'm going to be very honest with you right now," Jaemin says, "but... Donghyuck, you're too tired. And this job is wearing you down. You've lost your confidence, and it's going to get worse the longer you stay. You're not going to believe in yourself enough to apply for roles you'll be amazing in. I don't want you to 'keep going'. I want you to quit, not even with notice. I preferably want you to never walk back in there ever again after today."
He thinks that maybe, if Jaemin tried to say this to him yesterday, it wouldn't have gone over well at all. But now, Donghyuck is more tired than he is angry or embarrassed, and he knows that Jaemin is right. The job is wearing him down to nothing, and he knows he can't keep going.
"What if I can't find another job in this time, though?" Donghyuck says, reading over some of the financial adjustments they'll have to make if it goes longer than three months. What if it takes four, five, six? Longer? Donghyuck can't let Jaemin be under the financial burden all by himself.
Jaemin's hand is back on his head, stroking down the back. "See what I told you? You're not thinking straight. You've lost confidence. Baby, there are so many opportunities out there for you. So many places would love to have you, and not treat you like— well, like shit."
"But what if there just isn't? It already took me so long to get something in this field, and if I back out now, then..."
There might not be another opportunity. He might blacklist himself entirely from any further jobs. Or what if they're all like this, in his field? All the years of study just to get into it, only for it all to be wasteful?
"You've done more than enough time in this job, Donghyuckie. I looked up some of the previous employees, and they lasted for even less time. And they're all doing okay now, in better places where they've lasted so much longer and seem a whole lot happier. And— look, even if you can't find something in your field, and we dwindle down all our savings, then... then at worst, we'll still be fine even if you get a retail job. A low-paying one. Look, I even made a spreadsheet on what we can do with a mart staff income."
And he has. It's covered in all sorts of bunny stickers with encouraging phrases coming out of speech bubbles above them.
"It's a pretty spreadsheet," he says, taking hold of it with a fond smile. He feels some of the fear inside of him loosen and leave, because Jaemin's gone into detail about this kind of scenario.
"Thank you," Jaemin hums happily, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "I'm glad you're appreciating my effort now."
"Yeah," Donghyuck says, though he's distracted, mind still racing. "Okay, but these are all based on if things remain steady at your job. What if-"
"If I got fired, randomly and suddenly, then broke my leg and couldn't work or walk, and we had to survive off you working at the mart? Yeah, I've got a spreadsheet for that too, hang on," Jaemin says, shuffling through the papers before he pulls out one with a triumphant ah-ha!
Donghyuck takes it in shock. But, true to his word, Jaemin really has made up a whole income and spending spreadsheet based on that exact scenario. Donghyuck laughs in disbelief, and then is mortified to find that it's a watery sound.
"Baby," Jaemin coos, entirely endeared, and Donghyuck flaps his hand at him.
"This is... you're so ridiculous," Donghyuck says, pressing the paper against his face as he tries to push down some of the messy emotions inside of him. It's been too much of a whirlwind today, and he's so emotionally pulled taut that he's about to break. "I can't believe you. I can't believe I was worried you were going to break up with me."
"I can't believe it either," Jaemin huffs, reaching over to pull him into his arms in a somewhat awkward side-hug. Still, Donghyuck melts.
"How many spreadsheets did you even make, anyway? When did you have the time for all this?" Donghyuck asks him.
Jaemin hums. "A lot. And turns out when your job isn't totally soul-sucking, but your partner's is and they're home late and you're left alone, you have some spare time to invest."
Donghyuck exhales. "I'm sorry."
Jaemin makes a noise of surprise, likely taken aback by the sudden apology, but he just hushes him softly. "I know. And I know it's a lot to think about this, too. But I want you to think about it. Like, really hard tonight. Oh, and I also want you to call in sick tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? But-"
"But it's your birthday, and they're probably not going to pay your sick leave out, so you may as well use some of it," Jaemin tells him.
Donghyuck stares at the floor. Is it his birthday tomorrow? Already? No, surely not.
But he remembers dating something today. The fifth day of June. It is tomorrow.
"Oh," he says.
"You didn't even realise," Jaemin huffs, but he doesn't sound surprised.
"No," Donghyuck admits, feeling his ears go warm. "But I mean... it's going to be difficult to get it off. They'll be suspicious, and..."
"And? What? They fire you? Refuse to pay out your annual? Guess what, I've got a spreadsheet for that, too," Jaemin teases him lightly, though he leans back to look at him seriously. "Donghyuck, if they fire you, it's a blessing. I'm serious. Please, please, quit this job. You hate it, I hate it, I want you to actually be in a role with people that deserve you. And I want you to be happy, more than anything. And we will be fine, no matter what. I promise. Just as long as you are happy and healthy. That's all I want."
"I guess it's hard to argue when you have evidence," Donghyuck mutters, feeling timid as he looks away. His hand brushes over all the papers — all the evidence that Jaemin is promising him with. Promises that they'll be fine, no matter what Donghyuck chooses to do with his career. That he believes in Donghyuck, more than anyone.
"Yeah. And now that's over with, you go take a shower. I'll make dinner," Jaemin says. "And I'll be making a lot. I notice your lunch from today is still in the fridge."
"I didn't... make lunch," Donghyuck says, confused. He'd run out of time because he'd been wallowing in their bed about the fact that Jaemin didn't wake him up to kiss him goodbye.
"No, I know that. But I told you I was making some for you," Jaemin replies, eyebrows raising.
"What. When?" Donghyuck asks, confused, trying to go through his memory for any kind of conversation.
"This morning, when I got up?" Jaemin says back in question, confused by Donghyuck's confusion. Then it settles, realisation on his face. "You don't even remember."
"I... don't," Donghyuck replies, hesitant.
Jaemin drops his head forward with a groan. "Donghyuck, you were awake and talking! How don't you remember this? You don't even remember that I kissed you goodbye, do you?"
Donghyuck's lips fold in on themselves, and he sucks his cheeks in. Jaemin groans again.
"Donghyuck. Did you think I just left this morning without a word? Without a kiss?" Jaemin asks, aghast.
"Well, yeah," Donghyuck mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. He'd been so sure that Jaemin was so pissed off at him that he'd forgone their usual ritual.
"You were awake!"
"Evidently not," Donghyuck replies, sticking out his tongue slightly. Jaemin, without giving him a chance to even pull it back in, just leans over and kisses him properly.
"There. To make up for the one you didn't even remember," Jaemin says, dramatic tones in his voice that makes Donghyuck roll his eyes.
"Why were you even up so early?" Donghyuck complains.
"To make your lunch! That went unappreciated and forgotten," Jaemin says, still dramatic, meaning he's not upset by it. Donghyuck does feel guilty about it, but Jaemin stands up off his chair and drapes himself over Donghyuck's back, reassuring him without a word as he kisses Donghyuck's cheek, jaw, and neck. "You have to make it up to me. By calling in sick tomorrow."
"Oh my god," Donghyuck laughs. "Fine, fine! I will. But you have to be the one to write the text to my manager."
"Gladly," Jaemin says quickly, which makes Donghyuck panic. He's sure that Jaemin's going to put something in the text that means he is going to resign effective immediately.
"No, no, I'll do it!" Donghyuck quickly corrects. "I'll do it, oh my god."
"Okay, just as long as it gets done," Jaemin says, blowing a raspberry on Donghyuck's cheek before he pulls away. "Now, off to the shower with you, my darling. Just relax and let me take care of you for the rest of it, okay?"
"You're overdoing it," Donghyuck grumbles, but his cheeks are flaming and his stomach is flipping as he stands up. Even after all these years together, Jaemin still reduces him to this — to being so, so in love. And happy. So happy.
"Well I have to, because you thought I was going to break up with you on the eve of your birthday!" Jaemin cries out as he heads into the kitchen. "Unbelievable!"
"I didn't even realise the day!" Donghyuck replies, matching Jaemin's tone, but they're both smiling at each other when they meet eyes across the room. Donghyuck lets himself stand there, taking in the sight of Jaemin's smile, of all the spreadsheets on the table. It's a good reminder that this is what's important to him. This is what matters. Not the deadlines, not his overbearing and unbearable boss, and not the workload that he's been breaking at the seams to try and uphold.
It's about making Jaemin happy, too. It's about being home on time, and spending more hours with the person most important to him. He's not scared — not anymore. It's an easy decision, now that it's all been laid out for him, now that he understands.
He sends the text to his boss before he gets in the shower, and then turns his phone off with a smile.