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The pictures on my wall,
the box was heavier than he expected as he carried it inside, a label - written in his cursive writing stared back at his face.
‘gifts from others.’
it made his stomach churn.
The shadows of what went wrong.
it was the last box to his room, and it was the last box he unpacked. the first photo he saw was of hemlock and him,
in the town he left just yesterday.
the glass creaks from how tight he grips the frame.
Yet I know I’ll see you again.
“do you think we’ll see each other again, hem?”
“of course we will jace, you have my photo no?”
—
jason tossed the photo on his desk. the glass cracked right along hemlocks side of the photo.
a photo of chandler met his eyes next.
I promise I’m right here, my friend.
he held it so gentle, the wooden frame was crafted by johan. a messy smile on his face as he presented it to jason.
hope glimmering in his eyes. it was once so loved, held someone so loved. now hated.
You cling to me like sugar,
it rested face down on his desk. hands shaking as he set it down before he left his room, ruffled johan’s hair as he helped his brother unpack.
On that margarita glass.
johan held up a photo of him and chandler to jason. laughed about the memory as jason sat immobile.
johan didn’t notice as he rambled, jason’s ears rang.
So I know I’ll see you again.
heart pounding as he stared at it rest face up, perfectly settled on johan’s night table. jason’s hands trembled as he left the room, said he needed a break.
the door slam behind him told another story.
This love could never end.
jason fell on his bed, the sheets rough against his skin as he heaved into his pillow. eyes burning like a sun as he rolled onto his back.
arm over trembling and wet eyes.
Did I ask for too much?
the fight had blossomed loudly, like thunder. the woods shook with their screams, chandler’s face as red as a cherry. jason’s fury as bright as a supernova.
Was my love not enough?
the van trembled as their voices bloomed, chandler shoved at jason’s shoulder and jason stumbled back like he was stabbed instead of pushed.
their voices carried.
Was I crazy to think you and I were in sync?
“i had to find out through johan! *johan*, jason!”
“i was going to tell you!”
“were you? or are you sayin’ that ‘cause i caught you?” chandler had screamed, jason’s eyes widened - fists tense at his side.
“maybe i was wrong to fall in love with you, jason.”
Did you love me the same -
“did you even fuckin’ love me, chandler? or who you thought i was?”
- from start to end?
memories of laughter, of warmth that now felt painful - too warm, too hot. like a raging fire. jason’s vision blurred, blurred shapes replacing what was once alive.
“i loved you, but did i ever even really know you?” chandler’s voice had cracked.
the same question reworded.
Or was it all fucked up -
“yeah well, maybe i don’t know you either cherry. maybe i fell in love with someone else.”
“don’t- don’t call me that. not now.”
“why?”
- since the very first day?
she didn’t reply.
chandler’s hands that once would cradle jason’s, brush along the scars. the same voice that would tell him they would never hurt him was the one digging a knife into his heart.
jason shoved him away, chandler’s head hit the van.
agony bloomed.
Did we do what was best or did we make a mistake?
“fuckin’- get the hell out of here jason. i don’t want to see you right now. we’ll talk later.”
jason heaved out a laugh, it burned his lungs just as much as it burned chandler’s ears, his heart. his head was swarming.
the woods remained silent for a moment as jason trembled, chandler shook as he met jason’s eyes - not knowing the other could barely recognize him.
silence hurt more than the argument, jason let out a cruel laugh, tears dripped from his mismatched eyes.
blue and gold meeting the brown of chandler’s. dirty blond hair waving in the wind, mimicking chandler’s brown hair.
Make a mistake.
he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans before he ripped them out, it was clear it burned.
chandler stepped forward, instinct.
jason stepped back, purposeful.
“it’s over, chandler- fuck you. *fuck* you!” jason had shouted, his fists flexing at his sides.
chandler wondered for a moment if he had wanted to hit him.
almost wish he had.
to prove to her this was real.
not a harsh part of his imagination.
but jason was storming away.
and chandler couldn’t reach out to him for the first time.
the woods were what saw chandler start to sob, burning hot tears trailing down the boys cheeks.
getting trapped in the stubble that jason used to tease her for as his knees wobbled.
the dirt caught her as he fell to his knees.
I know I’ll see you again.
jason yanked himself off of the bed. anger seeping into his very mind, the world blurred together.
a water color painting, lines blurring by the tears dripping down his paints.
Yes, I know I’ll see you again.
the frame johan had crafted with so much love creaked when jason picked it up, no love in his touch.
the glass shattered when he threw it harshly at the wall.
a soft thud echoing when it hit the ground with a crunch, the wood splintering.
it fell apart into small pieces.
the photo the only thing that remained unharmed.
jason staggered to his own knees. the walls of his new room what saw him start to sob.
chest heaving harshly.
slowly leaned to his side. glass shards cutting his cheek and hands but he didn’t care, not even when the blood dripped onto the carpet.