Actions

Work Header

There's No Time and Nothing Will Come of It Anyway (Lies I Tell Myself While I'm Longing For You)

Summary:

Opening a law firm was a lot of work, and reopening a previously defunct one even more so. Did all that work stop Matt from pining after Foggy? Absolutely not.

Notes:

Thank you, Marv, for your cheerleading and coming up with a title for me. To Fluffypanda, happy Secret Satan! I had a ton of fun with your prompts. ♥

(See the end of the work for more notes and other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

Matt had a problem. It had started in Nelson's Meats on the night he, Karen, and Foggy had celebrated Fisk's defeat and Foggy had written their names together on a paper napkin. Matt had laughed with his friends, the two people who knew all his worst secrets and still wanted to stand next to him, and his cheeks had flushed readily from the alcohol he'd been drinking. It certainly hadn't been because of a resurgence of his long-standing on-and-off crush on Foggy as he had listened to Foggy enthusiastically plan a future for them. Because that would have been ill-advised, even if the idea of this new partnership with Foggy warmed the small, secret corners of his heart that had been yearning for this since 2L—a partnership with Foggy where Foggy knew about Matt's senses and anger and nevertheless chose to open a firm with Matt to make a difference for the residents of Hell's Kitchen.

Matt's problem had only gotten worse since then, with Matt's attention being drawn toward Foggy whenever Foggy was in earshot and Matt's thoughts turning toward daydreams of Foggy when they were apart. It had even started to affect his nightly work in addition to his general distraction during office hours.

A week ago, while out as Daredevil, Matt had caught a whiff of cured meats clinging to the mugger he'd been fighting. And that whiff had been enough to remind him of Foggy and how Foggy smelled nowadays—salt and smoke and beef clung to his partner no matter how frequently he showered—which had been enough to distract Matt and let his opponent get in a lucky swipe with his knife, leading to Foggy insisting the next day that Matt show him the wound and Matt trying to downplay both the pain from the cut and the way he leaned into Foggy's hands on his torso. It had been a confusing day because Matt was still getting used to letting Foggy worry about him. He'd had to fight his instinctual urge to hide the parts of him that caused Foggy worry, while at the same time he had enjoyed the fussing and wanted to lay bare all his hurts for Foggy to fuss over like he fussed over Matt's back.

Currently, his problem was that he was supposed to be going over the facts and notes of their case with the most pressing court date so he could work on the argument and opening statement for the jury with Foggy. But what he was actually doing was listening to Foggy downstairs help Mrs. Alvarez pick out the best chicken cuts for the upcoming week. An hour ago, Theo had popped his head into the office of Nelson, Murdock, & Page—presently a two-room affair above Nelson's Meats with the smaller room designated as a private conference room and the marginally larger room as their general office complete with three desks, multiple filing cabinets, a small bookcase with a braille printer on top, and a larger printer/fax combo machine all awkwardly wedged in wherever they could fit. Theo had asked his brother to watch the counter as he did deliveries, causing Foggy to sigh and acquiesce. But as Matt listened to Foggy with one customer after another, no one would guess he was anything but excited to be selling the best meats in town to the best customers in town, which was what he told Mrs. Alvarez when she asked him why he was in the butcher shop and not a fancy office building.

Matt liked listening to Foggy.

Matt liked listening to Foggy so much that it startled him when Karen leaned over and rapped her knuckles on Matt's desk.

"Earth to Matt," she said with a half-stifled giggle. "What's got you smiling so dopily over there? Can't be Officer Trent's deposition, no way his opinion on turnstile jumpers is that dreamy."

With his attention brought back to the cramped office that was his immediate surroundings, Matt straightened. He fiddled with the arms of his glasses which were lying on his desk next to his refreshable braille display and smoothed out his expression.

Matt said, "Uh, nothing. Nothing in particular's got me smiling. Was I really smiling dopily?"

"Mm-hmm. Dopey as one of Snow White's dwarfs. It's a look I've noticed often now that the gang's all back together, especially when a certain former District Attorney candidate is nearby."

Matt flushed at Karen's inference. Downstairs, Theo returned, and Foggy greeted his brother.

"I'm not, I don't," Matt floundered. "There's no time, what with getting the firm up and running again, and—and everything we've been through, and Marci."

Karen clasped Matt's arm, cutting him off.

"Matt," she said, "you and Foggy are solid. You're the best you've been out of the time I've known you guys. However things shake out, whether anything comes from your dopey smiles or not, your friendship with Foggy will still be there, strong as ever. I believe that." She gave Matt a reassuring squeeze then tapped his arm pointedly. "Also, you should know Foggy and Marci are a pure friends with benefits thing. Good friends with good benefits, as Marci tells it, but they're not romantic nowadays."

Matt ducked his head and smiled. Trust Karen to grab an issue by its horns when she thought there was something to be done. "Thanks, Karen. Nothing's going to come of Foggy and me, he's not interested like that, but your support means a lot to me."

"Ahh, and there's Bashful come to join Dopey," Karen teased. "I wonder which dwarf will join the party next. Happy, maybe? I have been seeing him recently. Or perhaps Grumpy will make his return."

Foggy entered the office carrying a tray with three sandwiches on it, and Karen moved out of Matt's personal space.

Foggy said, "I come bearing the gift of food, courtesy of Mr. Little by way of Theo."

Matt swiveled toward Foggy, perking up at both the delicious meatball sub he'd get to have as lunch and the sound of Foggy's heartbeat, so much clearer now that he was in the same room as Matt. Foggy's heart and its steady beat had been Matt's companion through school and life, to the point that Matt's subconscious scanned for it when they were apart, a piece of his aural landscape gone temporarily missing.

Matt removed his earbud in anticipation of lunch with his friends.

"Ooh, Foggy, you do know how to treat a person right," Karen squealed as she picked up her corned beef on rye and took a bite.

Foggy opened his own turkey club, and Matt could hear his salivary glands getting to work as the smell of the turkey bacon on his sandwich hit his nose. The trio ate their sandwiches and chatted, making it a sort of working lunch albeit one with frequent digressions into this memory or that story and even more frequent laughs.

Okay, it wasn't much of a working lunch, but they were each sitting at their respective desks, so that's what Matt was calling it in his head. And as a working lunch, Matt could count listening to Foggy's guffaws as Karen regaled them with the tale of her hunt for a pomelo as being productive.

When Karen finished her sandwich, she wiped her hands and stood, grabbing her purse. She gave Foggy a quick hug, saying, "Thanks again for the lunch, Foggy, but I need to get over to City Hall before the day's out."

Foggy replied, "Good luck finding the records you're looking for."

Karen giggled. "Thanks, I'll need it. Matt, a hug for you too before I go."

Matt came round his desk to meet Karen in the open middle space of their office. She hugged him tightly, and Matt gave a brief, mental thank you that Karen was still his friend after their attempted romantic relationship had failed.

While she had him close, Karen whispered, "It's good to see Happy the Dwarf showing up nowadays. I hope he sticks around, but even if not, I'm here for you, yeah?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, I know. Now."

Her message delivered, Karen released him, gave Foggy and Matt a final wave, and walked out, leaving Matt alone with Foggy.

"So—" Foggy rubbed his palms together enthusiastically. "—what genius idea did you come up with for the basis of our argument while I was stuck slinging sliced meats?"

Matt struggled to come up with a valid argument on the fly. Well, if we start out by asking the jury to besottedly listen to you make conversation, I think that'll put them in an open frame of mind and help sympathy for our client was not a cogent argument.

Rather, he said, "Uh, yeah, I was thinking we could open with some statistics about excessive police response to minor infractions, and then we could move to—"

Foggy cut Matt off. "Seriously? How many years we've been doing this and you want to start our opening statement with statistics? Are you trying to put the jurors to sleep?"

"No, but it's important they understand how outsized the consequences can be for small actions."

Foggy stood and rounded his desk and Matt's, so that he was standing next to Matt. He whirled Matt's chair to face him and put his hands on Matt's shoulders. This close, he was a vivid object in Matt's mental radar, and Matt's sense of smell drowned in Foggy's meat-tinged pheromones. Matt felt the heat of a blush start to creep up his neck; he hoped it wasn't visible to Foggy.

"Matthew," Foggy intoned, "that's bullshit, and you know it." He let Matt go and leaned his butt against Matt's desk, pulling his warmth away from Matt. The fabric of his shirt sleeves rustled as he crossed his arms. "Are you okay? You've been pretty spacey these past few weeks, buddy. Is there some new Daredevil threat? Because it's okay if you're distracted, I just want to know whatever you can tell me. I'm here for you, man."

With every word Foggy said, every bit of caring he gave to Matt, Matt flushed further. And, with how hot his cheeks now were, Matt was sure Foggy could see him blushing. If his life were a rom-com, this would be where Foggy noticed how bright Matt's face was and got equally flushed and flustered in return. But Foggy's heartbeat remained steady as he waited for Matt's response, and it made Matt's stomach sink to know so definitely that Foggy responded to him as a friend would and nothing more. Matt tapped the tips of his fingers against his armrest in a nervous, rolling cascade.

"I'm sorry I haven't been as present as I should be as we get the new firm off the ground. I realize that's not fair to you, and I promise I'll do better."

Foggy sighed, and Matt's neck prickled in embarrassment at his failure to be there for his friend and their business. Sometimes it seemed like all he did was disappoint Foggy and make promises he eventually broke. Was it any wonder that Foggy wasn't interested in him romantically?

"I don't need you to promise to do better, Matt." Foggy knocked a foot against Matt. "You're doing fine, we're doing fine. I just...I worry when you get distracted like you have been. You get lost in your own head, and you're not very nice to yourself when that happens. So what's up? Lay it on me, maybe I can help or at least be a sympathetic ear for you."

Matt mumbled, "It's not anything you need to concern yourself with. It should go away on its own soon."

Matt hoped he could wrangle his pining back to manageable levels soon. In college, the idea of being with Foggy had been a delicate fantasy to carefully take off the shelf in his mind and examine at night when he needed the idea of a happy future to get him through the stresses of life, but it hadn't been something he'd thought he could realistically strive for and so it had been easy to tuck the fantasy away during the daylight hours. It was only now, with everything in the open between him and Foggy and Foggy determined to stay by his side in spite of everything, that made Matt's subconscious whisper maybe... and refuse to let the fantasy go.

But Foggy wasn't accepting Matt's non-answer this time. His breathing paused like it always did when he had something he wanted to say, and Matt wasn't sure if his softly asked, "Tell me anyways? Please?" was what he originally wanted to say or not.

Matt's tapping stilled. His other hand clenched its armrest as he kept from reaching for his glasses. He wanted to slide them on and hide from Foggy's scrutiny, but that action would be as telling as whatever Foggy saw on his face. Could he tell Foggy about his feelings? Rationally, would a confession be worse than any of the other things he'd put Foggy through?

...Possibly, Matt's pessimism proclaimed. But the devil in him that enjoyed taking death-defying risks wanted to lay this final truth of his bare.

He breathed in deeply, filling his lungs with Foggy, Foggy's sweat and chemicals and the aroma of meat that clung to him nowadays which all combined into an eccentric perfume Matt found comfort in. Foggy, likely recognizing Matt's serious intent, clasped Matt's hand. All the sensory data Matt could glean from Foggy told Matt that Foggy was concentrating on Matt as hard as Matt was focusing on Foggy. That Foggy didn't have any more to say until he heard whatever Matt chose to tell him. That he was a little anxious about what Matt might say but wasn't upset or angry. And the largest thing of all that Matt's senses told him was that Foggy cared for him. It was there in the beat of his heart, in the warmth of his hand around Matt's, in the scent of his sweat and the way he licked his lips as he waited for Matt. And if it wasn't exactly the same sort of caring as what Matt felt for Foggy, that didn't make it lesser or mean that Matt didn't cherish it.

Right. He could do this.

"There's nothing big happening with Daredevil at the moment, so you don't have to worry on that front," he said.

"No extra worrying about Daredevil needed, got it. Though I am still going to maintain my baseline worry level as the worrier in our fearsome twosome."

A corner of Matt's mouth quirked up mirthlessly. Foggy fretted over people he cared for, and Matt's nighttime activities didn't help. But Matt had finally come to accept that causing Foggy stress was inevitable no matter what he did, so all he could do was respect Foggy's choice to care for him.

"This isn't something you need to worry about at all, really. It's a silly crush, and nothing'll ever come from it...."

Foggy's breath caught. His pulse began to race, a jackhammer in Matt's ears. That was probably bad; Matt pushed on regardless.

"I know you think of me as a friend, and I'm not asking for anything other than that. Like I said, my feelings should go away—quiet down—soon. They're unfortunately distracting in the meantime though."

Foggy's hand clenched around Matt's, tightening to the point of pain. He snapped his mouth shut and swallowed.

"What if I don't want your feelings to be quiet? What if I want them to stay, loud, as loud as they are now?"

Something lodged itself in Matt's chest, keeping him from drawing a deep breath.

"Huh? Foggy, what?"

Foggy gentled his grip, picking Matt's hand up and holding it in his. Matt's fingers curled around Foggy's.

"Matthew Murdock, I have always loved you in all the ways you'll allow me to love you." Foggy drew Matt's hand to his mouth and softly kissed the back of it. Matt's skin tingled where Foggy's lips had been. "That includes romantic love, if you're interested."

Matt could only nod.

"May I kiss you?"

Matt nodded again, and Foggy leaned in. Matt's free hand found Foggy's waist, and he pressed it flat, feeling Foggy shift as he captured Matt's lips. Matt pushed himself up into the kiss, returning Foggy's eagerness in equal measure. When they parted, Matt followed Foggy up as he straightened. Foggy hugged Matt, and Matt slid one arm fully around Foggy while the other cradled Foggy's jaw, guiding Matt as he went in for another kiss.

This time, they only broke apart when Theo knocked then immediately poked his head into the office, the words "Hey, Foggy, did you..." trailing off as he took in his brother and his brother's best friend. Matt tried to separate himself from Foggy—they hadn't talked yet about what this meant for them going forward or what they wanted to tell people, and Matt didn't want to presume—but Foggy kept one arm pointedly in place around Matt, snatching Matt back to his side.

Foggy somehow managed to sound only moderately exasperated as he asked, "Yes, Theo? What is it, what's your question?"

Matt had grabbed his glasses when he heard Theo's knock—he'd been too focused on Foggy to notice Theo coming up the stairs—and suspected his glare was speaking volumes about his opinion on Theo's interruption.

"Oh, uh, did you move the inventory clipboard somewhere? I can't find it."

"No? Wait, yes! It's in the back by the stack of gloves because Mr. Rivera came in then."

"Cool, cool. Thanks. So...should I say anything about this?" Theo waved an arm at them. "Offer my congratulations?"

"We accept your congratulations, but can you pretend you didn't see anything until I get a chance to talk to Mom and Dad?"

"Thumbs up, bro," Theo said, making the gesture to match, then left.

The sound of the door latching shut behind Theo felt loud to Matt. Nothing was ever truly silent for Matt unless he was profoundly sick or injured, but now with the only sounds inside the office being the hum of electronics and the pair of them standing still, neither talking, Matt understood what people meant when they said it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Foggy broke the silence first.

"So," he said with a squeeze to Matt's middle, "I know how long I've had a crush on you while thinking you weren't interested in anything else. Was it the same for you?"

Matt considered the question.

"Yes and no. Yes, I've been crushing on you for...for years, but no, I wasn't interested in doing anything about it while I was still lying to you." Matt tilted his head to rest it against Foggy's shoulder. His glasses dug into his temple, and he slipped them into his shirt pocket. "And my feelings waxed and waned a lot depending on whether you or I were dating anyone."

Foggy kissed Matt's crown. "Are we really gonna do this then? Nelson and Murdock, avocados at law, and Foggy and Matt, avocados in love?"

Matt's fingers wandered their way to on top of Foggy's middle and slipped between the buttons of his shirt to rest there. Foggy's undershirt was soft from numerous washes and warm from the heat of his body. His stomach gurgled as it digested, sending little waves up Matt's arm.

"Yes," Matt said decisively, turning his head to kiss Foggy's clavicle. "Best damn avocados in love and at law."

Foggy's stomach growled, extra rowdy for a moment. Foggy poked Matt's hand on his belly.

He asked, "What's with this? My lunch has got to be loud to you, even I can hear it."

Matt tried to pull back his hand, self-conscious—listening to stomach noises was weird—but Foggy put his hand over Matt's, stopping Matt before he could finish pulling away.

"You can listen. I'm curious, not judging."

"It's..." Matt searched for the words to describe the experience and why he liked it. For all his mastery of the English language when standing in front of a jury, explaining his senses in a way others could understand befuddled him. "You know how your voice sounds different to you because your bones conduct the sounds to your ear. This is similar." Matt pressed on Foggy's belly so that its rumbles spread up to Matt's shoulder as it continued its work breaking down Foggy's turkey club. "I can hear whatever your stomach's doing either way, but I'm...fond of feeling it. Your stomach noises are like a little party, and if I'm touching you, it's like I've been invited to join the party."

Foggy's face heated.

"Are you getting sappy about my rambunctious gut, Murdock?"

"And what if I am?" Matt retorted.

"Then I suppose I have no choice other than to get equally sappy back. I'm going to kiss every part of your upper half that, at some point this morning, I wished I could kiss." Foggy shifted so they were face-to-face, keeping Matt's hand on his belly even as he turned. He pecked Matt's eyebrow. "Like here." Then the apple of Matt's cheek. "And here." Then the tip of Matt's nose. "And also here." Laid a string of exaggerated mwah's across Matt's jaw and down his neck. "And all these places too."

Matt chuckled, giddy. Each kiss felt like a small moment of free fall as he tracked Foggy moving in, and the future held so many possibilities for him now, all of them exciting.

"You realize," he said, "this isn't going to make me any less distracted at work."

Foggy halted his barrage of kisses but hugged Matt close.

Foggy said, "I realize. And I expect I'll be just as distracted. We're going to need Karen to keep us on track so we can earn our client fees."

Matt laughed harder, burying his giggles in Foggy's sternum. He said, "She already does that."

Foggy swayed back and forth as his laughter joined Matt's. "It's true, she is the brains of this place."

Matt's giggling slowed as he turned contemplative and hummed his agreement. He wouldn't have found the courage to confess to Foggy had it not been for her encouragement, and Karen was too smart not to recognize the role she had played in their romance. Matt anticipated many more jokes about Happy the Dwarf in his future—and probably every other Disney sidekick she could shoehorn into conversation—but that was all right. She'd earned her right to tease.