Chapter Text
Did you guys talk about those drunken kisses ? You guessed it.
Obviously not.
Are you completely nuts ?
You were both drunk, and that was all there was to it. Right ? She was your teammate for Christ’s sake. Sure, she was very attractive. Sure, you were pretty positive the both of you could be very compatible if you actually tried. But she was your friend. And you will not let yourself ruin everything just because you caught feelings for her. Nope, not happening.
You just had to forget this drunk make-out session. And the one during the mission. Also the new year’s kiss and that one time your lips met when you aimed at her cheek. You could just forget all of that, right ? It should not be that difficult.
Except it was because your eyes kept on meeting hers every-goddamn-where. Your stupid lips kept on curling into lovesick smiles everytime she was remotely close to you. And your heart kept on doing supersaults every time her hands brushed your skin, accidentally or not the result was the same.
You thought you were going crazy at some point. But she did look at you with that... look. What the fuck was it suppose to mean ? Maybe you should talk to her about all of this. But maybe not.
Either way, you decided you will have to at some point because you needed to stay sane to be able to do your job.
So someday you will.
Just not today.
Nope, today was the next time you kissed... Well, you actually did more than that. But it was Natasha who did most of the job.
You were on a mission again. It was actually the end of it, Natasha and you were ready to go join the others back on the quinjet, all enemies were down. All except one who suddenly decided he could shoot one last time. It was not with a bullet, though. More like a taser. You did not know, you did not see. You just felt pain.
So much pain.
The electricity ran through your body, making you wince, clenching your teeth as you screamed in pain. And then you fell to the ground, limp, unconscious, unliving. Heart stopped beating.
Natasha shot at him when she heard the movement of his taser go off, it was too late, though. And she was immediately turning around and running towards your unconscious - more like unalive - body. She had no second thought, she just dropped to her knees beside you and checked for your heartbeat first, then your eyes. Nothing.
She could not feel you. She could not see you either, tears started rolling down her cheeks before she knew it, her breath hitched as she checked for your pulse again. Why was it not beating ? Her fingers were shaking, the guilt and the pain suddenly crushing her heart harder than she ever expected. Her mind and her whole body went weak, ready to shut down as her face just fell on your chest, her cheek pressed against where your heartbeat should be heard, her tears falling on your tactical suit while she held you in her arms tight, crying.
"No. Please, no."
It could not be possible. Your heart could not stop beating just like that. She would not let you go like that. She needed you. Wanted you. She could not lose you. Not after everything. Not now. Not ever.
She refused.
Natasha raised her face, sniffling hard as she yanked the top of your combat suit open, your damp shirt covering your unmoving chest.
Before she knew it she was crying, shaking and giving you CPR all at the same time - thank God she was good at multitasking. Trying to make your heart beat again. And she realized she could not stop the tears in her eyes even if she tried as your chest rose and fell every time she pushed, her own heart pumping hard in her body as if mocking her, her tears falling all over your chest and face, her mouth covering yours for compressions. That was not how she imagined touching your lips again, because yes she imagined it, too many times to count, too coward to do something about it.
It almost seemed impossible for you to come back now. But it seemed impossible for her to live without you so she kept on trying.
She felt so openly vulnerable at this moment, so broken... and she was still crying, goddamn it. She was falling apart. Because you were dying in her arms. She pushed harder and breathed out. Again and again and again.
And again.
Her hands were shaking, did they even stop at some point ? Her breathing erratic as one of her hands cupped your cheek. Her eyes locked on your face, begging for you to live, like she was begging for her own life.
"Come on, please. Don’t do this to me. You can’t do t-this to me."
Natasha moved away then, running her hands through her hair, a hoarse sob breaking past her lips. She did not know what she was doing. Or what she was thinking. But at least she was doing something. She raised her fist, turning on her widow bite on her wrist before she took aim. And fired. Twice.
You gasped alive, groaning, one hand coming up to grip your own chest where your heart was beating again. Your eyes were wide, breaths coming in short and sharp. You looked up at her, sight slowly returning to normal to see her red and teary eyes, tear-stained face. You frowned, confused about... everything.
Your sudden cough took Natasha off guard, and she froze in place. Her tear-stricken face turned quickly into a relieved smile, she was thanking inside her mind whatever God that existed, tears of happiness running down her cheeks as she bit her lip. She fell to her knees, her hands pulling you against her and hugging you so tight you thought you were going to suffocate, her cheek resting right against your chest.
It was beating. Beating so fast. She almost sobbed all over again at the simple sound of your heart beating.
"Wh-what happened ? Are you crying ?" You asked in a raspy voice, slightly shocked to notice the tears on her face. You never saw Natasha cry before. Sure, her eyes got teary, but even then you could count those times on one hand. But right now she was full on crying. Tears hit your face as you laid on the cold floor, one shaky hand raising to cup her cheek as she looked down at you.
"I-" Natasha was choking on her words and could barely speak, the tears were still flowing. She was a mess. "I-I thought I had lost you. I lost you." She finally managed to get the words out in between the sobs, still hugging you tight as her tears dropped on your skin and your clothes.
You were taken aback to see her like this. She was losing it. She was scared. She was shocked. She was overwhelmed. She was terrified.
"Hey... I'm here." You whispered because talking hurt too much. You cupped her face in both of your hands, bringing her to your chest again.
And your gentle touch caused her to fall apart completely. Everything Natasha was feeling just exploded as you held her close, and she was crying like you never heard someone cry before. She was having a hard time to calm down, every time her breath steadied down, she would choke up again and start bawling her eyes out. The guilt of thinking you died because she was not careful enough was eating her alive. She felt terrible, the thought of losing you making her shudder. The thought of losing you, the thought of how much you meant to her, the thought of never being able to hold you again, to never seeing you smile again, to never seeing your eyes shine with adoration again… she was not even supposed to feel so deeply for someone. It was just too much for her to take and she fell apart completely.
"S-sorry."
She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in the crook of your neck, taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.
"It’s okay. I'm right here, Tasha..." You said in a low tone, closing your eyes as you also took deep breaths, feeling your heart pumping in your chest, your shaky fingers massaging her scalp absently. Whether it was to sooth her or yourself, you did not know. But somehow it managed to do both.
Your hands on her scalp were sending pleasant shivers through her body, feeling your skilled fingers rubbing against her skin, your scent making her crave you more than before. She was so lost and hurt by whatever she was feeling. Scared to lose you so badly, scared to lose that feeling of warmth that was consuming her whole now. She never lost it like that before, not for anyone other than herself.
You gently urged her head away, your hands guiding her face above yours so you could look up into her eyes. "Look at me..." You whispered, taking one of her hands in yours and sliding it underneath your damp shirt, resting her palm beneath your left breast, just above your pumping heart. "I'm alive, Nat."
Natasha’s lips were parted as she panted slightly, sniffling hard, nodding her head a few times, silent tears running down her cheeks. You could see her gaze slowly focusing back on you. She lifted her puffy eyes to meet yours, her tears still falling silently, her lips quivering and her cheeks swollen from crying too much. She focussed on her hand resting on your chest, feeling your heart pumping underneath her palm, your chest rising and falling with each breath, your skin being warm beneath her fingers. This felt good. Maybe too good to be true.
"I care about you way too much to leave like that." You confessed in a whisper, squeezing the hand above your heart, your other one still resting on her cheek, brushing away her tears with your thumb. God, you loved her so much it was insane.
Your hand and your words were slowly bringing a tiny smile to her face, even though the tears were still falling. Natasha stared at you, her eyes filled with emotions, all of them hitting her all at once like a wave she could not run away from. Not anymore. She let out a small watery chuckle, sounding shaky and broken. But her smile turned even wider as you tried to wink at her.
"You scared me so much... I thought-I can’t lose you."
"So you got a heart after all, huh ?" You teased gently, your thumb brushing her chin before tracing her sharp jawline.
Natasha let out another small watery laugh, this one coming out less shaky than the last one. She felt slightly better but was still feeling a bit lightheaded, too much emotion for her today. She rolled her eyes at your words and gave you a playful and very light punch on your chest.
"Shut up... you idiot."
"Ow ! Not so hard, I just died and came back to life, I'll have you know." You groaned teasingly, shifting and wrapping your arms around you to relieve some of the ache on your stomach.
Natasha snorted and looked away, trying to hold her laugh or tears, she did not even know. But she was sure that you were such an idiot and she could not love you more. She turned back to you, giving you a small slap on your shoulder this time, but with the lightest of forces.
"Sorry, sorry..." You grumbled, whining as you tried to sit up, your hands behind you helping you lift your upper body from the floor, bringing the two of you closer. "Too soon...?" You asked, your eyes taking her in. How could she be so beautiful even while crying her heart out was unbelievable.
"Yes. Do not joke about dying." She muttered, feeling her tears come back again, sniffling slightly and blinking them away.
You nodded, offering her a tiny smile as she was simply watching you intently. She felt embarrassed, seeing the state she brought herself into. She was feeling too much and had no idea how to deal with it. She just knew that she wanted to pull you closer to her. To hold you against her and not let go.
"Thank you..." You said in a low tone, your hand cupping the side of her face because you apparently could not help yourself, fingertips tangling between her messy hair as your eyes not so subtly glanced down at her lips. "...for bringing me back to life." You whispered, your breath fanning over her face, glassy eyes never looking away from her.
Natasha did not let herself overthink it and leaned forward to press a feather-light kiss on your chapped lips, feeling her cheeks become even warmer as she pulled back to look at your face.
"Thank you... for being stubborn enough to not die on me." She smiled, her lips slightly quivering, feeling so weak and so relieved at the same time. The whole room blurred away as she was staring straight at you, you wondered if she could see your soul.
"Always." You replied in a low tone, urging her face closer to kiss her again. Properly, cold mouth insistent on hers, eyes closing as lonely tears started to run down your freezing cheeks, emotions catching back. But nothing mattered except her burning palm resting above your heart, her warm lips pressing against yours. She had you. She had you. She had you.
The kiss was like a bomb going off in her mind, the explosion consuming her in that exact second your mouths connected again. Your lips were demanding, and it was something she could not resist. She welcomed them with all the tenderness and passion she had inside. She was so whipped for you, a fact she was slowly beginning to accept. But your lips were comforting, making her feel safe and warm. And they were promising so much more. She wanted you. She needed you. She will not let you get away from her. Never again.
"Not that I don’t like doing this but... it's actually super creepy to kiss in there..." You mumbled against her mouth, letting out a watery chuckle as you pulled away from her, glancing around the dirty room with the dead and unconscious bodies laying on the floor.
"Can we go home ?" You asked, looking back at her.
That brought Natasha out of the haze she was in, forcing her to remember that, yes, the two of you were still in a dirty, filthy place filled with enemies’ corpses and bodies. She looked around, as if realizing for the first time just how filthy this place was and how bad it smelled. Her eyes widened slightly as she slowly stood up, taking your hand in her own to help you on your feet.
"Um... yeah, this place is creepy. Let’s go home."
You nodded, gripping her second hand to help you stand up on shaky legs.
"Come on... let's get out of here."
You did not have enough energy in you to protest when Natasha pulled you over her back in a piggy-back position, your legs wrapped around her waist, arms around her neck. You buried your face into the crook of her neck and closed your eyes as the sun made contact with you, groaning into her neck.
"You okay there ?" She asked, feeling your body flushed against her back.
You hummed, planting a weak kiss below her ear before nodding against her neck.
The two of you made it back to the Quinjet in record time, Bruce checking on your vitals before letting Dr. Cho take over once you got back to the compound. She informed you that everything was fine but they wanted to keep you for the night, just in case. Unsurprisingly, you did not have enough energy in you to complain. That was how Dr. Cho knew she made the right call.
And that was how you found yourself in their irritating thin white hospital gown, laying in a cold white bed in the medical wing of the compound.
You yawned so hard small tears pearled down your eyes, you absently wipped them away before turning around when you heard the door of your room opening. Natasha appeared at the entrance in sweatpants and a hoodie, hair slightly wet from the shower she just took. She looked more relaxed, calm, and soft. She had made her peace.
"Hey..." You said with a small smile, offering her your palm without a second thought.
You saw her hesitate for a few seconds, scanning your body for any injuries before she finally pushed any lingering thoughts she had aside and took your hand, squeezing it gently.
"Hi." She replied in a soft voice, letting go of your hand to sneak her arm around your shoulders. Her lips were soft, and her touch was so gentle, so tender as she planted a warm kiss on your cheek. "How are you feeling ?" Natasha asked, looking down at you, wanting to know every detail about your wellbeing.
"Like I died three hours ago before being brought back to life by my favorite redhead." You said with a small smile, resting your hand on top of the one she put on your cheek.
"Your favorite redhead, huh ?" She mumbled, her lips curving into a tiny smile, her eyebrows raising. She was looking at you with nothing but pure tenderness and care, her thumb massaging your cheek with love and adoration it made your heart melt.
"Don't let it go to your head." You replied with a small smirk.
"I make no promise."
Natasha paused for a moment, mouth opening, wanting to ask you something. Her fingers left your cheek to slide around your jaw, gently tilting your head up by the chin.
"Can I ?" She did not dare to breathe. But her fears be damned, she wanted this. She wanted you.
You raised your face, your eyes looking up at her face, taking in the small desperation shining in her green orbs, the small pink hue on her cheeks. You nodded with a smile.
Her lips came closer to yours, letting you all the time to back away if you wanted to, feeling her stomach fluttering harder than ever as she let you raise your lips to meet hers in the middle.
Her mouth barely touched yours, a simple brush, like she was scared to give you too much, to break you, to lose herself and realized it was all a dream and you were back to being laid on the cold hard ground, unmoving, unbreathing.
"I'm not gonna break, Nat." You whispered against her lips, feeling the hesitancy, your hand on top of hers tugging gently to bring her closer to you.
Your lips connected again, a slow dance, almost familiar by now, your top lip lodged between hers, tip of your tongue flicking her lower one gently, her lips more forceful as they slotted rather perfectly in her opinion.
Both of her hands cupped your cheeks. Her fingers pulling you closer, her tongue entering your mouth and meeting yours like it belonged here. She wanted to feel every inch of your lips, of your mouth, of your face against hers. She was so intoxicated by you that she could not even think straight, and she did not mind. The last thing she wanted was to let you go. Your touch was like a drug. She needed you. Wanted you. Waited for you without knowing so.
You pulled away with swollen lips, your cheeks red, your breath was short, slightly panting against her warm mouth. If she noticed your heart monitor going crazy she did not comment on it and you were grateful.
You let the back of your head fall against your pillow, feeling exhausted despite the way you could still feel the burning sensation of her lips on yours making your veins feel like they were on fire, hell, your body felt like it too. You looked at her through hazy eyes, sending her an apologetic smile, your thumb gently brushing the knuckles of the hand resting on your cheek.
Natasha smiled down at you, winking.
Your lips curled into a soft smile then. You could never get enough of this woman.
"Tired ?" She asked softly, leaning down to be closer to you.
"You have no idea." You laughed faintly, eyelids so goddamn heavy but you were fighting it, too eager to see her face.
Natasha smiled fondly and chuckled with you, rubbing her thumb against your cheekbone again. She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead.
"Don't try to fight it... you can rest, you know. You're safe." She whispered, looking at you with nothing but tenderness in her green eyes.
You nodded at her words, your lips curling into a bigger smile as you felt the soft touch of her lips on your skin.
You watched her pull away to sit down in one of the chairs next to your bed, your eyebrows furrowing.
"What are you doing ?"
"Uh, I want to stay the night... if that's okay with you ?" Natasha asked, watching your features turning into a deeper frown when she pulled away. But she could not help it. She could not let you go, let you out of her sight, even just a little bit. She sat down next to you on a chair, still holding one of your hands in hers, squeezing it tightly. "Is that okay?" She asked softly, wanting to know if she was welcome. If she did not cross any boundaries. If she could stay with you. Perhaps she needed it more than you did.
"You're not staying on those awful plastic chairs the whole night, Natasha." You chastised, eyebrows furrowed more than ever.
"It's not that awful..." She pursed her lips, but she could not help herself from snickering. "You care too much." She murmured, her fingers running absently against the lines of your palm.
"I could never care too much. Now don't be ridiculous and come here." You grumbled, tugging on her hand before letting go of it to shift into the bed, trying to make enough room for her.
"Are you forcing me into your bed ?" Natasha teased, her eyebrows raising and a grin appearing on her lips.
"Are you complaining ?" You replied with an arched eyebrow, your lips twitching to finally curl into a smirk as she crawled onto your bed, her face mere inches from yours.
"Nope... not complaining." Natasha replied with a smile of her own, snatching that smirk of yours with her own lips, gently kissing you with all the affection she could muster. She wanted more. She craved your lips, your touch, your presence. She wanted you in every possible and imaginable way in her life. You drove her insane. Crazy. She never felt like that before. She gently ran her hands against your cheeks before sinking into your hair, wanting to feel more of you, all of you. She wanted to be with you like this every night. And every day.
And she wanted you to want it just as badly as she did.
And if that made her look pathetic, then fine. She was okay with it.
"That's what I thought." You replied with a smug smile as she finally broke the kiss, gently bumping the tip of your nose with hers before laying your head on her shoulder, letting out another yawn. You wrapped one arm around her stomach, humming contently as you felt her warmth, her skilled fingers massaging your scalp gently.
Her blush started creeping up her cheeks again, that damn blush. She was not even trying to hide it anymore. She let out a chuckle, her stomach jolting as you wrapped your arm around it. She turned her head to the side, her long, red hair flowing over her shoulders and tickling your nose. You did not mind.
One of her hands went to your cheek again, tracing it lovingly. She let herself enjoy this moment, this affection, this intimacy, this peacefulness. She let out a yawn of her own.
You let the comforting silence surround you for a while, eyes glued on the rise of her chest at each breath she took, your thumb running in circles on the soft material of her hoodie above her hip.
"So... is this a thing now ?" You asked in a whisper, part of you dreading the answer, the other one too sleepy to care.
"Well..." Natasha started, looking down at you as you looked up at her. You were beautiful even when you were half asleep. Your eyelids were slightly heavy, your cheeks rosy. God, she could not look at you without feeling her lips twitching, her heart pounding, her breathing getting faster. "If it's not, it should be." She declared, whispering back at you. With a cheeky grin, she lowered her chin, letting her lips hover right next to your own, a challenging glint in her eyes.
You smiled brightly at her words, eyelids fluttering close.
"Yeah...?" You replied, lips brushing against hers as you talked.
"Yep..." Natasha whispered, brushing her lips against yours again, this time leaning closer to you, pressing her body against yours, making you feel every inch of her. She was kissing you with a tenderness you did not know she possessed, her hands making their way back into your hair. Not even a second passed before she moved her lips away, looking at you with a soft smile on her face.
"I really want it to be a thing." She confessed, her tone a whisper but full of vulnerability as she rested her forehead againt yours.
"I like the sound of that." You murmured back, locking your lips together in a soft, lazy kiss that spoke better than any words you could have uttered.
"Me too..." Natasha replied, smiling softly against your mouth. She stayed like that for a few seconds, not really wanting to pull away now that she had you. Her hands reached and clasped your own in a gentle grip, just wanting to feel you as she interlocked your fingers together. It was getting harder and harder to pull away every time she got closer, and the feeling was so addicting that she just wanted to stay like this forever.
One thing for sure, you turned her soft.
The End