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Dear Nico
Do you remember? The day we met? We were both so young, so lonely and desperately in need of a friend. Nobody would talk to you because you were the son of a legend and we were all a bit scared of Keke, and nobody would talk to me because I had dark skin and shabby clothes and all the parents were worried that my Blackness would rub off on their poor little rich white children.
You didn’t care about any of that, did you? I don’t know whether you approached me out of pity, or curiosity, or because you wanted to find out how I did that cool overtaking move during the race, but you said hello with a kind of apprehension that made me want to squeeze your hand and tell you that you didn’t need to be scared.
Of course I wasn’t aware at the time, but I think I was already a bit in love with you, even then.
It’s only because I loved you so that you could ever hurt me this much. Such pain can only come with love.
Sincerely,
Lewis Hamilton
My dear Lewis,
I remember every moment that you described. I don’t know if you realise how much you meant to me. My father has said to me on more than one occasion that he had never seen me as happy as I was with you before, or since.
In all these years neither of us have apologised. I have desired to do as such on several occasions, but have found that I am far too headstrong to do so on terms that are not my own. Perhaps I am like my father in that regard.
You say you loved me like it was some sort of shameful secret—my dear Lewis, I have always loved you. Everything has changed since that one day in karting, except for this. That will forever remain unwavering.
Yours truly,
Nico Rosberg
Nico,
Do you not find it cruel to toy with my heart in this way? You cannot just say that you love me and expect no consequences. It is unfair for you to come in and tear my world down with your ink-smudged letters like some eighteenth-century nobleman, and yet, I cannot seem to bring myself to be angry at you.
Is it love, then, to feel for someone so deeply that you want them to be ruined? To take them apart under your own hands?
Is love really so sick and twisted that I would forgive you now, even without an apology? Is it love that I am now unable to hold it all against you, is it love that has driven me to such ruin?
I want to take the hate and strain it through my fingers until I am only left with the love. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, once I have it. Maybe I should give it back. But I think we both know I could never be so sensible.
Lewis
Dearest Lewis,
I come to you with all my love, all my hate. Dearest Lewis, I will give you everything I have left and then more. Dearest Lewis, I still hate you, for old time’s sake, but only because you are so dear to me.
Dearest Lewis, I hate you because without the hate I would only be left with love, and that terrifies me.
Yours truly,
Nico
Dear Nico
When did you become such a poet? I learnt German swear words so I could tell when you were angry with me, are you now telling me that I have to learn poetry too?
Did you learn that from Vivian?
Lewis
Lewis,
Vivian and I divorced a few months back. It was surprisingly amicable. I think she’s still disappointed in me, but at least she lets me see the girls.
Nico
Why didn’t you tell me?
Lewis
Dear Lewis
It is an awfully good thing that we live in the same apartment building so you didn’t have to waste a stamp for that letter.
I didn’t tell you because, as you may recall, we haven’t spoken properly in years. I had no idea that you still felt entitled to every detail of my personal life.
Nico
Okay, my bad, Nico! I shouldn’t have assumed that after eight fucking years you would’ve finally gained some integrity! I’ll think the next time I try to enquire into my former best friend’s life!
Fuck you,
Lewis
Dear Lewis
You’ll probably tear up this letter but I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t send it.
Do you want to know the real reason?
Lewis, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t trust myself, a recent divorcé, to not go down on my fucking knees for you and undo all the progress I’ve made over the past eight years. I didn’t think I could stand proving Vivi right when she said that she divorced me because I was still in love with you.
Look at how that fucking worked, huh? I’m going to write to Vivian and tell her that she was right, as usual. Mein gott, Lewis, you have no idea what you do to me.
Yours, forever fucking yours,
Nico
Nico,
Someday we’ll realise that all this pain isn’t worth it. We have to. What kind of love wants to destroy everything in its path?
Lewis
A love worth a thousand lifetimes of pain and sorrow, because it is ours.
Yours, Nico
I hate you, you sentimental little shit.
Lewis
No, you don’t. You love me.
Love, Nico
Fuck you. Of course I do. Since the first time I laid eyes on you. I have always loved you, Nico Erik fuckin’ Rosberg.
Love, Lewis
He said it! He said it! Seven-time world champion Sir Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton said he loves me!
- Nico
Nico,
Act your age.
Lewis
And what if I don’t?
Nico
I will call Toto.
- Lewis
You underlined it? That desperate to get your point across?
…
I can’t believe you sent me a piece of paper with three dots on it. Here, I’ll give it back to you so you can re-use it. It’s bad for the environment to waste paper. Seb would have your knees.
My knees? Why my knees?
…
Lewis
Good. I will not have to deal with an angry German trying to kill you.
Yours gratefully,
Nico
Yeah, I already have one of those, don’t really need another.
Love, Lewis
I should take offence, but you’re completely right of course.
- Your angry German
Dearest Nico,
You know you can just kiss me and I’ll forgive you. This is the one weakness I have, darling. You could kill me with your own bare hands and I’d still love you from the afterlife. In this life, I know how to do three things; drive race cars, care for Roscoe, and love Nico Rosberg. It scares me how little capability I have for anything else.
I will scream how much I love you from the rooftops if that’s what it takes for you to understand.
Your Lewis
Dearest Lewis,
You have no need. I think I already do.
Your Nico
Nico,
You were always the only one.
- Lewis
Indeed. The universe is cruel and twisted, my love.
With love, Nico
Dear Nico
I want to try to associate you with things that are not simply hurt. I want to soften the spot you have carved into my heart. We both know it’ll stay regardless.
So I took Roscoe to the paddock today. His first action was to take a massive dump in front of Fernando’s garage. I shouldn’t have laughed as much as I did, but in my defence, you should’ve seen the look on the old bastard’s face! He certainly wasn’t too happy about it, nor was his teammate—sometimes I forget that you never drove with Lance, it feels like the kid’s been around forever—but hey, when he’s gotta go, he’s gotta go!
I’m looking forward to introducing him to Charles’ dog, Leo—have you seen the pictures? He’s such a darling little thing. Not really my type of dog, but definitely Charles’, all bright and energetic. Perhaps they can go take dumps in front of Fernando’s garage together.
Dear, can you see I’m trying? It’s for you, after all.
Yours,
Lewis
Dear Lewis
Are you sure you didn’t get Roscoe to choose that particular garage on purpose? Leave a treat or two outside for him? That definitely sounds like something you’d do to a competitor before the race—psych them out or something.
My life… not much is going on. Entrepreneurship is nothing like driving in F1. Sometimes I think about getting back into a car again, maybe doing Le Mans or something, but I know my heart will always belong to F1, with you.
Being a Sky Sports interviewer is good fun. It’s always interesting seeing all the new kids, with their big wide eyes and nervous mannerisms. Sometimes I look at teammates and wonder whether they’ll end up like us. Prost and Senna came before us, who’s to say that nobody will come after us? Frankly, I hope it never happens again. Nobody should have to suffer like we did. No-one should be left lost in the dark like Alain.
Though I must admit, I do sometimes wonder about your teammate.
Love, Nico
Dear Nico
You did it wrong. My darling, you were supposed to talk about nice things, not worry whether others are going to go through what we did. This sort of thinking does nothing to dress wounds, soothe burns. It does nothing but press on a bruise.
The tender ache does remind me of you, darling.
Love, Lewis
Dear Lewis
The aches always remind me of you. It’s part of what makes them bearable.
Love, Nico
Dear Nico
It is as the great writer Virginia Woolf once said; just in case you foolishly forget, I’m never not thinking of you.
Love, Lewis
Dear Lewis
And as Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote; If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever.
Love, Nico
Dear Nico
Let’s walk through the gardens together, my love.
Love, Lewis
Dear Lewis
Come, let’s go. We can do whatever you’d like. Just come spend some time with me.
Love, Nico
Dear Nico
I’d go anywhere with you. You know that.
Love, Lewis
Dear Lewis
Yeah.
Love, Nico