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PART ONE
In the green room of the very first stop for Bridgerton’s season three, part one press tour, Stede frets with the cuffs of his shirt. This is fine. This is fine. It’s the first time he’s seen Ed since—since the last day of filming, and they’re friends, so it’s definitely fine.
Friends who haven’t texted each other since filming wrapped, but. In Stede’s experience as an actor, that’s normal. Normal and fine.
The fact that he’d never had a friend like Ed on set is irrelevant. They’d been close because they were cast partly because of their chemistry together, co-stars from the get, waiting for their season and doing so well he had no doubt it’d add to the great success that was Bridgerton.
It’s fine.
He’s early, of course he’s early; he can hear Ed’s sardonic teasing about how Stede hated mornings the most and yet was never late for their call time. The easy conversation in their makeup chairs. The banter between takes. The feeling of Ed’s lips on—
Stop it, Stede tells himself sternly.
He texts Mary, I’m nervous.
She texts back immediately, you’ll do great 👍
And then, ❤️
Stede steels himself and pulls out his book, a romance novel about a fearsome pirate captain kidnapping a princess and them falling in love. He reads each line three or four times, refusing to give up. He’s so concentrated on trying to understand the words that he doesn’t hear the door click open.
“Hey.”
Stede snaps his head up and sees Ed.
“Hi!” Stede says. He winces internally at how high his voice is. “Hi,” he says, rising. He steps forward. Just three strides, and now they’re in front of each other, close but not terribly so. He opens his arms.
Without hesitation, Ed sinks into them, wrapping himself tight around Stede.
“Hey,” Ed whispers.
“Hi,” whispers Stede.
They hold each other for a long time. Finally Ed coughs and claps Stede on the back, withdrawing.
“Are you ready for this?” Ed says, his hand lingering on Stede’s shoulder.
“Yes.” Stede pauses. “I think so.”
“This” has already been happening. Awful, angry internet mobs, screaming about how they’ve ruined the books. Lots of homophobic nonsense, as if Bridgerton hasn’t carefully been sowing the idea of a main gay relationship for two seasons before this. Stede hadn’t known, when he’d auditioned, that this is where Lady Whistledown would take him. Which is silly, really, when he’d read the books ahead of time. Penelope being changed into Pendragon Featherington yet keeping Polin canon was, ironically, keeping closer to the books than if they’d changed Colin’s final love interest. But the internet didn’t seem to care about that.
Which isn’t fair! It isn’t fair. For every hateful take Stede has seen there are dozens of supportive ones, thrilled at the previous seasons’ chemistry between Colin and Pendragon, ready to see the promise of Bridgerton’s queer underpinnings come to fruition.
It’s a lot to have on one’s shoulders, Stede has thought about endlessly since—the last day of filming.
Until then it had been easy. Play the role of the wallflower who is secretly so much more. Aching to be a part of things, but never quite getting it right. In love with his best friend, played by Ed, who no one in the world of Netflix subscribers could manage to not fall in love with.
Ed, who smells like coconut and seasalt. Who’s breath smells like wintergreen.
That minty scent suffocates Stede now, as Ed’s hand is still on his shoulder, as Ed smiles at him, his mustache covering his top lip, his eyes crinkled in overwhelming fondness.
“Everyone’s going to go crazy over this season,” Ed says easily. “We’re going to rule the world for a few weeks.”
“You’d know better than I.”
Ed chuckles and finally removes his hand from Stede’s shoulder. It doesn’t go far, clapping Stede on the meat of his arm above his elbow. “And I know this is going to be lit, Stede Bonnet.”
Stede scoffs, feeling his anxiety ease. “How much have you been on tiktok since we wrapped?”
“Lots,” Ed says, a grin replacing his smile. He withdraws his hand from Stede’s arm. “How’ve you been?”
“Good,” Stede says automatically. “You?”
“Good,” Ed agrees. “I’m thirsty. Did they get the water right?”
“Yes.” Stede moves away, happy to have an excuse to lurch himself out of Ed’s orbit. “There’s a real fridge and four pitchers freshly filled with ice. You should be good.”
“Excellent.”
Ed settles himself on the plush mauve loveseat. His eyes do an efficient snap up and down Stede’s body. “I like the suit.”
“Thanks. It’s sort of modern Pendragon chic. I see you’ve done the same,” Stede adds archly. Ed giggles, because he’s wearing a black suit over a fine mesh black shirt and matte velvet black cravat. Colin wears embroidered, complicated ensembles, so Ed is distancing himself from the role in a way Stede is aligning with his own. Stede is a little surprised that Ed’s stylist allowed the division, but he’s not one to judge. Not when Ed looks so good. Perhaps his accessories should be silk, to contrast more against the other patterns if they’re going to keep things monochromatic, but otherwise it is acceptable.
Stede pours Ed a glass of water and retrieves a seltzer for himself before settling on the goldenrod settee to the left of Ed. They chat, about Ed’s parrots, about Mary, about the current WWE storylines, about Chappell Roan’s new album. Still annoying, apparently won a prize for one of her paintings, Cody Rhodes is crushing it, how could she possibly outdo her debut and yet here they are.
Someone taps sharply on the door. “Five minutes, you two!”
Ed and Stede both jump a bit at the intrusion and then grin at each other. Stede feels relaxed. He’s thrumming with a kind of contentment he hasn’t felt since—
Well. He’s just happy Ed is here.
They settle into makeup and chat some more. Ed spent some of the time between filming and press at a yoga retreat in Western Australia.
“You did not get bitten by a snake,” Stede says.
“Eastern Brown Snake. Second deadliest in the world.”
“But you’re alive.”
“Am I?”
“Yes. Norma here is working on your eyebrows. You’re quite alive.”
“But am I?”
“Yes.”
“But am I.”
“Yes, you are.”
“But… am I.”
“Yes.”
“But am I!”
“YES!”
“BUT—”
“Please, ” Norma says. “Please, be a little more still.”
Ed and Stede bump the back of their hands together between their chairs, doing their best not to giggle.
~*~
“I’m nervous.”
“About what?”
“I’ve never kissed a man on camera before.”
“You kissed me.”
“That was barely a kiss.”
“Not to Colin it wasn’t.”
~*~
For a largely obscure actor his age, Stede is lucky. He’s beloved for Kiwi Boys but only had a handful of decent roles before then. He's blown up since the start of Bridgerton, overwhelmed with how booked and busy he is. Not like he needs the paychecks to pay his bills, but he likes to think that if he had to he could. He might not ever have a role like Pendragon Featherington again, the sassy yet subdued genderbent alter ego of Lady Whistledown. Stede has turned down a number of queer roles throughout his career. Not because he’s against it or anything, but he always feels panicky at the memories of his childhood bullying. Mary had urged him to audition for the part anyway, and he can’t for a moment regret it since it landed him on the sensation that is Bridgerton. On Bridgerton kissing Edward Teach. Very soon (pretending to be) fucking Edward Teach, when they start filming part two next month.
Stede supposes the carriage scene already counts as fucking. So he’s already fucked Ed on camera. Which is good. Great, even. It should make the other scenes easier. It will make the other scenes easier.
They hold hands as they walk onto the talk show stage, waving at the audience. Netflix PR has been very clear: show a united front. Don’t shy away from “seeming queer” together. Flirt a little - the fans will eat it up.
Only Ed seems to be flirting a bit more than a little.
He’s got one easy arm slung over the back of the couch behind Stede. Not touching him, but nonetheless nonchalantly possessive. Whenever he looks at Stede, his eyes soften, as if they’re Colin and Pen again. Stede, for his part, giggles at Ed’s quips, flaps his hand when Ed playfully accuses the host of flirting, tips his face into Ed’s shoulder briefly to feign modesty when Ed praises his acting.
Ed is so good at all of this, picking up slack when Stede stumbles, snarking about the homophobic backlash in a way that cuts the conversation off quickly, winking at the audience when someone asks a question about steamy scenes on set.
“Usually it’s awkward,” Ed says. He looks at Stede briefly, his lips tucking up into a smile. “But with Stede, it’s easy.”
~*~
“So you want to…?”
“If that’s—if that’s alright with you.”
“Yeah. That’s alright with me.”
~*~
Stede gets better at the interviews. He’s very encouraged by the enthusiasm from those who’ve seen the episodes early and he quickly finds his stride on his first “big boy press tour,” as Ed calls it. He plays boldly confident and a bit goofy, neither of which are much of a stretch. He lets Ed take the lead on the flirting, knowing Ed will do it with enough subtlety people by and large won’t be gross about it. Mostly he pretends to be oblivious to Ed’s quiet adoration, but every now and then they exchange a deliberately sly look he knows will play well with their fans.
He sees the comments on tiktok and such. A lot of “I can’t believe Stede Bonnet is straight,” which twinges his anxiety, but more of the sort of, “he’s married so I know this is all for PR but let me live in my delusion.”
And then the episodes actually come out, and Stede is too busy with red carpets and solo interviews to be bothered by the homophobia at all. People love him; his style, his acting, his chemistry with Ed. They still get to do appearances together, but most of the just-the-two-of-them stuff was filmed pre-release. Which is at once wretchedly disappointing and an overwhelming relief.
The dreams fade once more. Sometimes Stede wakes up hard and aching and doesn’t remember them at all.
Except for the lingering wisp of wintergreen.
~*~
“Like this?”
“Yeah. Just like that.”
“And then… And then Colin climbs into his lap?”
“Like this?”
“Just like—”
~*~
The day of the start of filming the second part of the season arrives. Stede is wretchedly nervous. Half of his scenes are him fucking Ed with wild abandon, and the huge blow up when Colin finds out Pen is Lady Whistledown is the other big part of his storyline.
Ed and Stede’s first time in the same room together in a week is a meeting with the intimacy coordinator. Lucius is snarky and sarcastic, which Stede hadn’t expected of someone in that role. But Lucius is great at his job, and Stede is extremely grateful for his demeanor right now.
“Remember that Pendragon is a virgin,” Lucius says. “So you need to kiss like one.”
“What, a handy in the carriage doesn’t count?” Ed says, easy, keeping the vibe light.
Lucius rolls his eyes. “Half a virgin, then. Are we ready for the exercises?”
They’ve done these before. The traffic lights exercise, where they stand a meter apart and keep eye contact as they say which body parts are okay to touch, and then ask for consent to touch them, and then gauge their comfort as they go. Neither of them have any red lights, but Stede says yellow for his inner thighs and feet and Ed says the same for his neck.
There’s the one where they take turns being blindfolded while the other stands behind them, guiding them forward with a gentle palm on the center of their upper back. Walk forward when there’s pressure, and when it’s gone, walk back until they touch the palm again. Just like last time, it’s as easy as breathing.
There’s the one with the half-inflated rubber ball barrier between their chests, where they tip their foreheads together and clasp hands. Ed does have to take a break from that one to go drink some of his frigid water, which Stede appreciates, because he had been building up into an impressive panic attack himself.
“Good work today, boys,” Lucius says. “Tomorrow is more of the same, and then we’ll start choreographing the wedding night.”
~*~
“Colin—”
“Pen—”
“I—”
~*~
“So then Colin reaches out and brushes a thumb against Pendragon’s face and says, ‘watch me,’” explains Lucius. “And Pendragon says, ‘watch you do what?’”
Ed is slapping the prosthetic against his palm, his leg jiggling where they both sit on the couch. It’s a silly thing; a pencil wrapped with a yoga mat and covered by a black spandex sock. They’d used it in the carriage, but now Ed is going to be pretending it’s his own cock.
Lucius pauses and frowns. “Ed? You okay?”
“Yep.”
Stede lays a careful hand on Ed’s knee, which stills the leg. “Are you certain?”
Ed lets out a breath and slumps a little. “Maybe I’m not up for this today.”
“That’s fine,” Lucius says quickly. “Let’s talk about it in your trailer.”
When they’re gone, Stede closes his eyes and leans back on the couch, taking deep breaths, in through his nose, out through his mouth.
~*~
“Ed—”
“Stede—”
“I —”
~*~
It’s late when the knock comes on Stede’s trailer. He sets his book down and frowns as he checks the time. 1:08 AM.
“Come in!” he calls.
Ed lets himself in, still wearing his hair like Colin’s. Stede is wild about Ed’s hair when it’s down and prefers him that way—but Colin’s signature updo he wears at the balls is also something special.
“What are you still doing here?” Ed says, going to Stede’s fridge and pouring himself a glass of water from the pitcher Stede still keeps for him. He sits on the opposite side of the brown leather couch.
“I could ask you the same.”
Ed sighs and drinks half the water in one go. Stede’s eyes drop to his mouth as Ed wipes his bottom lip with the back of his hand, wrenching them back up again when Ed turns to face him.
“You were good today,” Ed says. “I hear you only stepped on like four people’s toes.”
Stede scoffs, his body unclenching a bit. “Do you count as one or two?”
Ed grins, but quickly his face turns downward. He takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Lucius says we need to talk about it.”
Stede’s heart feels as heavy as a bowling ball as it thumps against his ribs. “Talk about what?”
“Stede.”
Stede looks away. The leather squeaks as Ed shifts closer. Stede flinches.
“I’m not gonna—” Ed sounds immensely frustrated. “Stede! Look at me.”
Trembling, Stede turns his head. Ed is as close as he can get without actually touching. The smell of wintergreen almost knocks Stede flat.
“It’s natural,” Ed says, voice soft. “It’s natural to have feelings for your co-star. If you’re good at your job, you become your character at least a little.” When Stede doesn’t respond, Ed says, even softer, “And you’re probably queer and that’s making it more complicated for you.”
Stede scowls. “Did Lucius coach you through this?”
“Obviously yes.”
“Did he also tell you not to talk to me until he had a chance to?”
Ed’s eyes go shifty. “Maybe.”
“Then why are you here, Ed?” Stede’s voice is rising. “Why are you here!”
“Because—”
Stede crushes his mouth into Ed’s. Sinks his hands into his hair. Pushes him down onto the couch. Without hesitation, Ed wraps his arms around Stede and kisses back.
PART TWO
“For the love of christ!” yells Jackie. She’s not often on set; as the mogul of Jackieland, her schedule is busy. “Are you two teenagers? You can’t get through a sex scene without giggling?”
Ed presses his face into Stede’s bare shoulder to mask more laughter as Stede clips, “The audience will love that Colin and Pen laugh together in bed.”
Ed shakes even harder, his tongue darting out and licking the inside of Stede’s upper arm, almost in his armpit. Stede claps a hand over his own mouth to keep from squealing.
“Not like this,” Jackie says darkly. “Get it together. If you can’t do it, we’ll use body doubles, and you’ll have to deal with that come press time.”
Stede and Ed pull it together enough to finish the scene. They’re done for the day, and after they debrief with Lucius and get out of their hair and makeup, they pretend to part ways before Ed sneaks over to Stede’s trailer. Stede pulls him inside by his lapels, already kissing him. He pushes Ed against the door and slots a thigh between his legs. Ed lets out a whimper as he ruts against it and moans flat out when Stede starts kissing his neck.
“One day I’m going to do this during one of our scenes,” Stede murmurs, tasting delicately so as not to leave any marks. “And you’re going to melt right there on set.”
“That goes against—jesus—that goes against everything Lucius taught us.”
Stede chuckles, moving his mouth to nibble on Ed’s earlobe. He breathes hot in Ed’s ear and presses his thigh more firmly into him. “So is this.”
Ed giggles and pushes Stede back to shuck his shirt off. Stede does the same and their pants and underwear go next. Ed’s mouth drops open when he sees Stede is still wearing his stockings from their day on set.
Stede grins wickedly. “Do you like them?”
“John is going to kill you.”
Stede flaps a hand back and forth. “I didn’t take any of the fancy sets. There are dozens of these plain white ones on hand for tears and such.”
Ed pounces on him, pushing Stede to sit on the couch and kneeling between his legs. He takes his time, kissing a line from Stede’s toes to pelvis, nibbling on his calves and breathing hot on his cock before swerving back to nip at his inner thighs. He runs his tongue under the seam of each stocking. He mouths teasingly at Stede’s balls. Stede has finally had enough, so he sinks his fingers into Ed’s hair, tugging slow and firm until Ed’s mouth stops its business. He cups Ed’s face and tips it up to look at him.
“You are so beautiful,” Stede says, keeping one hand under Ed’s chin and using the other to push his hair away from his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as beautiful as you before in my entire existence.”
Ed’s eyes shine, big and gorgeous. He trembles with anticipation before Stede gives a light scratch at the beard under his chin and nods. Ed swallows him down eagerly, hands curling under and around Stede’s thighs. Stede sinks back against the couch and puts an easy hand on the crown of Ed’s head.
“Oh, Ed, your mouth—” Stede murmurs. “I wish I were a poet, so I could immortalize your mouth. I’d write a thousand sonnets each about your lips and tongue. You’re magnifi—ah!—magnificent. Oh god—”
Ed pushes his mouth down so far his lips meet Stede’s pelvis. Stede jerks his hips up into Ed’s throat. Ed gasps for air and pulls off. He smiles up at Stede before swallowing him down again. This time Stede grips Ed’s hair with both hands and fucks up into him with grunting effort. Words have left him now, except for a babbled litany of “Ed, oh Ed, you’re—you—I—Ed, Ed, you’re my—I’m—Ed, Ed, Ed—”
Between the gurgling gagging sounds Ed is making, he hums, and that’s what does it for Stede. He pulls back a little so Ed can suck him once more, whimpering and shaking as he finishes inside of Ed’s perfect mouth.
Ed continues to suck gently as Stede comes down. He swallows around him and pulls off, sighing happily. He rests the side of his head on the flesh above Stede’s knee and looks up at him. The naked adoration on his face frightens Stede as much as it thrills him.
Stede reaches down and tugs Ed up next to him. They kiss, sweet, the smell of wintergreen and come on Ed’s breath stirring Stede’s cock in such a way he knows he’ll be ready for another round before the night is through. He draws Ed into his arms. Ed tucks himself into a ball and presses his face against Stede’s chest, fingertips trailing soft and slow against the stockings. Stede plays with Ed’s hair, twisting it around his fingers, scratching at his scalp, pressing kisses to his head and breathing the scent of coconut and seasalt into his soul.
“I was thinking,” Stede says after a wonderful, nebulous amount of time.
“Mm?”
“I was thinking about our next scene.”
“Oh yeah.” Ed looks up at him and grins. “I’m looking forward to that one.”
“I know you just love the tiny padded shorts.”
“It’s like I’m a sexy superhero in body armor.”
“You were a sexy superhero in body armor. That movie made half a billion dollars.”
“Yeah, but that was all over my body. This is just my ass and dick. I get my power from the sun or some bullshit like that, so as much skin needs to be showing as possible.”
“That would probably make a full billion.”
Ed giggles and smacks a sloppy kiss to Stede’s cheek. “You were thinking?” he prompts.
“That I maybe need to practice?”
Ed’s eyes blow wide. “You sure?”
Stede nods. “Absolutely.”
Ed shakes himself free of Stede and springs to his feet. “Be right back!”
Stede snags their lube while Ed showers, bawling Chappell Roan so loudly Stede spares a moment to worry that someone might hear. Then he shrugs. No one will be specifically suspicious that Ed is in Stede’s trailer. They’re well known to be good friends who spend a lot of time together off set. They only sneak around about it at all so that no one knows it’s every night.
Stede does a few vocal exercises to get ready, buzzing his lips and rolling his tongue, moving his jaw around to loosen it. He has been dreaming of burying himself tongue-first into Ed since, well. Possibly since the day they had met. Certainly since that day in Ed’s trailer.
“So Colin is asleep,” Stede says. Ed is naked, laid out on the bed on his stomach, trembling a little.
“I don’t think I can fall asleep right now.”
“You’re an actor, aren’t you?”
“Honk shoo honk shoo.”
“Don’t steal my spotlight. We know I’m the more accomplished snorer.”
“Get this man a Snoscar.”
Stede laughs. “A Snemmy first, I think.”
“Sneople’s Choice Award.”
“Snolden Snobe.”
“SNAFTA.”
They’re both giggling now, but Stede has not waited this long to be denied his prize one moment longer than he has to be. He mounts the backs of Ed’s legs and leans down to plant a soft kiss on his neck. Ed’s gasp cuts his laugh off short.
“Mm,” Stede murmurs into his skin. “So Colin is asleep.”
Ed clenches the pillow beneath him, but otherwise he stills.
“And Pen is just looking at him. How beautiful he is. How much he—cares for him.”
Ed lets out a soft sound that might be a whimper.
“Pen wants to make Colin feel as good as Colin has made him feel. All the things he’s taught him…” Stede trails a finger in a light S down Ed’s spine. He smiles at Ed’s goosebumps. “All the ways he’s pleasured him, the ecstasy Pen was convinced he’d never feel with any partner, let alone a spouse, let alone Colin…”
Stede leans down again. “Pen begins to kiss Colin’s bare, beautiful back…” He plants his lips all over Ed’s skin, going lower, and lower, and lower. “And Colin starts to stir…” Ed clenches and shivers. Stede nips at the soft skin above Ed’s hip. “Pen whispers, ‘are you awake?’”
“Sweetheart?” Ed says, the next line in the scene’s dialogue. “Is something wrong?”
“No,” Stede says. “Only I’m hungry.”
Ed yawns. “Call Raymond to fetch some breakfast.”
“The kitchens do not have what I desire.”
Ed grins and starts to flip over, but Stede stops him with a firm hand on his lower back. Ed looks over his shoulder in confusion. “Pen?”
“On your hands and knees for me, sweetness.”
Ed’s eyes widen. He blinks hard as if to make sure he’s really awake. Stede pinches his arm and he yelps.
“Alright, alright!” Ed laughs. “This is not a dream. I understand.”
Stede lifts himself upward long enough for Ed to gather his limbs under him. He looks over his shoulder. “Are you sure?”
That’s not in the dialogue. Not in the scene, anyway. In real life, Ed has said it before every new act and position until now, like he’s afraid Stede will spook if things get too gay. But assholes are not gender-specific, and anyway Stede does not do things by half-measures. Really, Ed should know that by now.
Stede spreads Ed wide and licks an assertive stripe from his perineum to tailbone.
“Ah fuck—!" Ed yelps.
Emboldened, Stede does it again. And again. And again, and again, and again. Ed tastes like soap and water, but also like Ed, some indeterminate musk that has Stede dizzy with want. He buries his face into Ed, mouth and nose pressed into him, and inhales.
“Oh, Ed,” he murmurs, his lips tickling against Ed’s hole on purpose. “You’re glorious.”
“Stede.” Ed’s voice is wrecked. “I lo—”
A thrill of terror and delight rockets through Stede and he begins to lick once more, which successfully cuts off whatever Ed was about to say. Ed drops his head down and shakes, giving Stede direction now and then: “Little flutters are good—yeah, fuck, like that—you don’t have to just focus on—yeah, yeah, yeah—like an ice cream cone—FUCK—!”
Stede pauses only to get some lube on his hand and begins to work Ed’s cock. To his boundless delight, Ed’s become relaxed enough he can get his tongue inside of him. He twists it, wiggles it, pushes it in as far as it can go. He slips a finger inside and works it as he continues to suck and stroke. Ed is on his elbows now, his hands clasped above his head as if in prayer, moaning Stede’s name and then losing his words altogether.
Stede feels powerful and alight and good. He is going to do this as often as he can for the rest of his life.
“I want—” Ed gasps. “Can you fuck me?”
Stede grins, plants a kiss on each of Ed’s cheeks and then his hole. He flips Ed onto his back. Stede is rock hard again and beyond ready. Ed pulls his legs up and back, holding his calves, the look in his perfect, liquid, abyssal eyes full of lust and trust and—
Stede squeezes his eyes shut and pushes inside of Ed. He pauses to reapply lube every time he finds resistance. Soon he’s fully sheathed, and he drops forward to kiss Ed, his hips rolling soft and sensual. Ed moans and relaxes fully around him, which is Stede’s signal to move faster. He cannot believe how close to the edge he is again after such a short amount of time, but that’s the effect Ed has on him.
“I adore you, Edward,” he whispers into Ed’s ear. “I have been waiting for you my whole life.”
Ed chokes on a sob and clenches around Stede. Stede pushes himself upright and starts to work Ed’s cock again. Ed thrashes his head from side to side, eyes screwed shut.
“Look at me, my darling, my love,” Stede says, delirious. “Look at me, oh please please please, I want—I need to see you—”
Ed wrenches his eyes open and wails sharp and shrill as he goes tight around Stede. He reaches up with both hands. Stede understands, dipping low again, pressing his whole body against Ed’s and clutching him tight. Ed wraps all four limbs around him and squeezes until Stede is breathless. He thrusts sharp and deliberate as Ed comes undone. Stede curses and speeds up, following Ed over the edge soon after.
They heave out breaths in unison, foreheads pressed together, eyes still open. Stede finds Ed’s lips and kisses him softly, again and again and again.
~*~
They get through the analingus scene with a medium amount of feedback that they’re being “too realistic and pornographic.” They’ve been so reckless today, stealing kisses in shadowed corners, texting each other cute/filthy emoji between takes, playing footsie as they get their makeup touched up. They film the ball scene right after Colin has found out that Pen is Lady Whistledown but Pen doesn’t know that Colin knows. Stede can feel the electricity between them. He knows he will be famous for the rest of his life for this.
At their intimacy debriefing after filming has wrapped, Lucius’s face is a grim mask of disapproval.
“You’re fucking each other,” he says without preamble.
Stede freezes, but Ed just says, “Yeah, like half the season. And?”
“I know you’re not stupid,” Lucius says.
Stede begins to shake, but Ed just shrugs. “And?” he says again.
“This is a disaster,” Lucius snaps. “Stede is married.”
“Lots of celebrities are in open relationships,” Ed says easily.
“Are you?” Lucius says, clearly directed at Stede.
“Sure,” Ed says.
“I’m not talking to you and you know that I’m not. Stede Nicholas Bonnet, does your wife know that you’re fucking Edward Teach?”
“No,” Stede says quietly.
“What was that?”
“No,” Stede says louder, lifting his chin to look Lucius in the eye.
“You two make my job really difficult, you know,” Lucius says. He sighs and scrubs a hand down his face. “I can’t control your actions as consenting adults. But I can tell you to stop making out where anyone can see you. And stop fucking each other in your trailers—no, I didn’t know for sure, but you definitely just confirmed it with your reactions there.”
Ed and Stede glance at each other.
“This has so many ways to go bad,” Lucius says, voice suddenly and terribly gentle. “You know that, right? Most of the ways forward are bad, boys.”
They get a hotel room and don’t talk about it.
~*~
A week later, they’ve filmed their post-Whistledown reveal reunion scene where they accidentally broke a table pretending to fuck and are laughing helplessly as they try to make love for true in their hotel. Finally they give up, flopping down onto their backs on the mattress and holding hands. Stede draws Ed’s up to his mouth and kisses it. First the back of it, and then his knuckles, and then each of the webs of his fingers, and then the inside of his wrist.
“You’re going to be the death of me,” Stede says, breathing in the post-filming sweat and seasalt of Ed’s scent. “How am I supposed to get through our fight when I want you so much?”
“Does Pen not want Colin?”
“I suppose that’s fair.”
“And Colin wants Pen.” Ed rolls over to straddle Stede, lacing the fingers of both their hands together to the side of Stede’s head. “With everything he has. They can get through anything together.”
Stede looks up into Ed’s eyes, earnest and shining. He makes a reckless decision. “Pen has been in love with Colin for years.”
Ed’s eyes get even bigger. “Yeah?”
“Since the moment he understood what love was.”
“Colin’s wanted Pen even longer,” Ed says, voice soft. “Since the moment he saw him.”
“That’s not true.”
“Since he saw Pen audition,” Ed says firmly.
Stede gives a sharp, involuntary inhale. This is news to him. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Ed says. And then again, “Yeah.”
Stede lifts himself upward to kiss Ed, and Ed kisses back. There are only a few days left of filming, and there are so many swollen things unsaid between them that Stede has to stop himself from crying.
~*~
They wake up holding each other. Ed usually wakes up first, but this morning Stede is up before their alarm. He yawns and nuzzles into Ed’s neck. He presses his lips against it. Sometimes Ed wakes up when he does that, but right now he’s still snuffling softly, so Stede yawns again and stretches backward with his free hand to check his phone.
There’s a text from Mary. Call me when you’re awake.
Stede frowns at his phone and wiggles out from where he’s been spooning Ed. He cracks his neck from side to side and goes to make himself tea. As the water boils, he calls Mary.
“Good morning, Stede.”
“Good morning, Mary. How are you?”
“Good. You?”
“Good,” Stede says automatically, although with Ed so near it’s true this time. He pours the boiling water from the electric kettle he’d brought to the hotel room into his mug. “Why did you want to speak so early?”
It is a bit odd, when Mary knows how much he hates mornings. But she also knows he keeps his phone on silent until his alarm goes off, so that’s fine.
Mary says, “Um.” The silence stretches between them. Stede fidgets with the string of his tea bag, bemused that Mary has taken him from Ed’s bed for something she can’t seem to spit out. “There’s no easy way to say this, Stede.”
Stede is only half-listening. He ponders whether to put a keurig on for Ed, or if it will be too cold by the time Ed wakes up.
“I’m—” Mary starts. “I’m having an affair.”
“That’s nice,” Stede says.
His brain catches up to what Mary just said. His mug clatters to the floor, splattering his feet with near-boiling water. He curses a blue streak, hopping from foot to foot.
“Stede? Stede?!” Mary’s voice comes through the phone. “Are you okay?”
“No I’m bloody well not okay!” Stede hollers, clutching his phone a foot away from his face but knowing Mary will hear him anyway. “You’re having an affair?”
“Yes,” he’s pretty sure Mary says.
Stede brings the phone back up to his ear. “Since when?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes, it does!”
Mary sighs. “A while now. Since before the first part of your season aired.”
“Why are you telling me this now!”
“Someone caught us,” Mary says grimly. “You’re actually famous now, and someone must’ve recognized me and saw me with Doug, so—”
“Your painting instructor???”
“Stede, please. We haven’t had sex in four years.”
“DOES THAT CHANGE THE VOWS WE MADE, MARY SAMANTHA BONNET?”
“I’m probably going to change back to Allamby. At least legally. Bonnet is a part of my brand, so—”
“Fuck you,” Stede spits. “You could have waited until after my season was over.”
Mary barks a cruel and efficient laugh. “If we get a quickie divorce, that will be even better for your little play act with Edward Teach.”
“Ed has nothing to do with this!” Stede seethes. “He’s just my friend!”
“Sure he is,” Mary says. “Anyway. When you’ve calmed down and are ready to be an adult, let me know and we can talk about this. You can have Bennison.” Their lawyer. “I’ll reach out to someone else.”
“Mary—” Stede pleads. Flashes of future tiktok comments are streaming past his mind’s eye, interspersed with Ed’s magnificent smile. “Mary, please, let’s not be hasty about this.”
Mary sighs. “We can talk more after you’re done filming. It’s only a few days left, right?”
“Mary, please—”
Mary hangs up at the same time the door to the hotel room clicks shut.
Stede gasps, whirling to see an empty bed. “Ed!” He stumbles to the door and yanks it open.
Ed is gone.
~*~
Ed should not look so gorgeous while he’s breaking Stede’s heart.
Today’s costumes are exquisite. They’re both in Bridgerton purple; Stede’s coat is pale lavender, Ed’s ultra violet. It’s velvet, so soft as Stede brushes his fingers against it, even as Ed wrenches away. The waistcoat is thistle-colored, embroidered with silver roses. Only the roses are closed, which Stede knows from John is a symbol of Colin and Pen’s love being tested. There are jasmine yellow lemons on it as well, a subtle slap in the face to Pen’s erstwhile wallflower citrus fashions.
Stede’s waistcoat is robin egg blue and brocade. The designs on it are quill-like, a nod to Whistledown, and dahlias, the flowers that mean betrayal.
“You lied, Pendragon!” Ed snarls, eyes ablaze. “You lied to me for years!”
“I am sorry! I stopped when you proposed—”
“That does not change the past!”
“I never wrote about your family—”
“Another lie! You almost ruined Eloise!”
“The queen was threatening her—she thought she was Whistledown—”
“And Marina?”
Stede flushes. Colin courted Marina in season one, who was pregnant and hoping to snag a husband before the scandal came to light. Pen had exposed her in order to spare Colin a loveless marriage. “That was to protect you.”
“That was to protect yourself!”
“Colin,” Stede pleads. “We are married—”
“Only as far as the law is concerned. I do not wish to be anywhere near you ever again.”
“Ed, wait!”
“Cut!” yells their director, Zheng, sounding very, very tired. “Stede. You said Ed’s name instead of Colin’s. Again.”
Ed is scowling, his arms crossed, his toe tapping. “Can we fucking please get this right. I’m fucking tired.”
It has been a long day of filming. Ed won’t talk to Stede outside of their actual dialogue. Consequently Stede keeps flubbing the takes and he’s had to have his makeup reapplied four times because he keeps mussing it with real tears.
Lucius steps forward. “I’m going to make an official decision to call it for the day.”
No one protests, because it is Lucius’s job to advocate for the actors, although a lot of people are shooting irritated glances at Ed and Stede.
“You two,” Lucius says before Ed can fully storm off. “In my office. Now.”
Ed rolls his eyes and stomps off. Stede frets as John helps him out of his costume.
“Where’s Ed?” Stede asks.
John shrugs. “His costumes are less complicated than yours. He’s probably just getting undressed himself in his dressing room.”
Stede is first to Lucius’s office. Lucius cuts him off before he can start talking, insisting they wait for Ed. He rolls in like a stormcloud, stinking of cigarettes.
“So,” Lucius says. “You broke up.”
“You can’t break up if you’re not together,” Ed snarls. “We’re just friends.”
“Oh, Ed, I didn’t mean—” Stede begins.
“What happened?” Lucius says.
“His wife is having an affair, but he doesn’t want to divorce her.”
“Stede?” Lucius prompts.
Stede winces. “It’s true. Or, well—the affair part is true.”
“And you don’t want to get a divorce?”
“It’s just—people are going to be so unkind.” Stede’s voice is desperate and pleading. “They’re—This will force me out of the closet, don’t you see?”
“How fucking awful!” says Ed. “To be fucking queer in public!”
“I’m not like you.” Stede tries to take Ed’s hand but Ed snatches it away. “I’m not like either of you. I’m not ready. I’m not brave.”
“Stede, with respect,” Lucius says, his voice carefully neutral. “You are about to be very famous for having a lot of gay sex on a show watched by millions of people. What’s the difference?”
“The difference is—” Stede can feel tears flooding his eyes. He blinks them furiously away. “The difference is that I’m not—”
“It’s fine,” Ed says curtly. “We knew how this was going to end.”
Stede’s stomach drops into his toes. “We did?”
“Sure. Filming for us ends in three days—if you can fucking get it together—and then we won’t be Colin and Pen anymore and you’ll stop caring anyway.”
Stede is horrified. “That’s not true at all.”
Ed shrugs one shoulder, avoiding Stede’s eyes. “It’s how it always goes. You’ll learn eventually.”
“Ed, please—if we can’t be—aren’t we friends? Can’t we still be friends?”
Ed looks at him then, eyes cold. “I’m not friends with cowards.”
~*~
They finish filming. Lucius has negotiated a careful truce. No being alone. No talking about their relationship outside of Bridgerton. Regular check-ins about where they are mentally. They’re back to the early days of asking for consent between each touch. They are, in the end, professionals, and since most of the scenes left are when Colin and Pen are at odds, that ends up being fine.
For six months, Ed doesn’t answer a single call, text, email, DM, letter, or fax. Stede wheedles out of his bodyguard Kevin that he’s somewhere in the Caribbean, “focusing on Ed.” Stede tries to sneak on the set of a movie he knows Ed is filming, but he is rebuffed with some amount of force by security.
Ed appears in some gossip rags, partying with Jack Rackham. In one photo, they’re clearly kissing. Stede keeps trying to get in touch with him anyway.
After Stede breaks most of the Christmas china Mary’s grandmother left her and Mary retaliates by cutting up his six favorite tuxedos, the divorce is relatively painless. Mary’s family is almost as rich as Stede’s, and she’s doing well with her art, so the only thing she asks for is the house.
Stede hasn’t spent more than three consecutive nights there since his first big boy press tour. She can have it.
He decorates his little flat in West Hollywood with ocean motifs. Except for the third bathroom; that one he turns into a forest, the only pops of color that aren’t green or brown are the reds of the wintergreen berries and unbloomed roses.
~*~
Stede calls his manager. “I want to come out. An article or an interview, I don’t care. I’m ready.”
“A month before the press tour starts?” they ask, voice mildly and insultingly incredulous.
“Yes.”
“You sure?”
“I am.”
“Is this about Ed?”
“One hundred percent.”
~*~
Outside of the green room of the very first stop for Bridgerton’s season three, part two press tour, Stede opens the door and finds that Edward Teach is kissing him rather forcefully.
He can’t even speak, crushed by Ed’s body and mouth against the wall. Stede scrabbles behind him for the door and manages to close it without breaking the kiss. He throws his arms around Ed and loses himself, a bubbling, buzzing joy lighting him up from the inside. He slides one hand up and into Ed’s hair—
“No hair!” Ed barks, before his tongue is back in Stede’s mouth.
Stede’s hands fly off of Ed to brace against the wall. Other than that, he freezes. Lucius has taught them well, because Ed also immediately stops, although when he pulls back he looks murderous.
“What’s the problem?” he says.
“What is happening,” Stede says, the effervescence from before turning into fury. “I try to get in touch with you for months—”
“Blocked you on everything.”
“The letters?”
“Burned ‘em.”
“The faxes?”
Ed looks a little perplexed on that one. “I don’t have a fax machine, mate.”
“Then who was I sending—? Doesn’t matter. Ed, I’m so sorry, I—”
“Can I kiss you again?”
“What?”
“Can I have fucking consent to fucking kiss you again.”
“No!”
Ed looks crestfallen, but only for a moment, before his face goes smooth. “‘’Kay,” he says, going to the fridge and pulling out a pitcher of water. He holds it up and frowns at it. He shakes it a little. Stede knows he’s listening for the clunk of ice.
“There should be ice in the freezer,” Stede says. “I always put it in my rider, just in case.”
Ed looks at him, his eyes softening for a moment. He looks away and busies himself with getting the ice out and into the pitcher. Stede sits on the single tan loveseat. This isn’t a big talk show interview, it’s a smaller one with Netflix. No one in production is unaware of what went down between the two of them and they weren’t trusted yet with other media which would air any messiness and potentially hurt the show.
Miraculously, no one has spilled the beans to any tabloids. Zheng and Jackie run a tight ship, and for that Stede is eternally grateful.
Ed looks around the room, sees there’s nowhere else to sit except at the mirror, which would be awkward with how the room is arranged if he intends to talk to Stede. He plunks down on the couch, scooching as far away as he can until he’s absurdly squashed against the arm rest.
Stede resists rolling his eyes. “If you’re still so mad at me, what was all that kissing about?”
“That’s our thing, right? We hook up when we’re Colin and Pen?”
“No that is not our thing.”
“Blowjobs?”
“Edward.”
Ed grins at him before he catches himself and scowls again. He takes a too big sip of water and chokes on it. Stede scoots toward him and rubs circles into his upper back. Ed gets his breathing under control and leans slightly forward, not rejecting Stede’s touch but not leaning into it either. His hair, already styled and down—it really is lovely, Stede shouldn’t have mussed it—falls around his face, obscuring it from view.
“I thought you’d call when the Them article came out,” Stede says softly.
Ed grunts and mumbles something.
“What was that?”
“Proud of you,” Ed says, only a bit clearer than last time.
Stede beams. He risks a brush of the pad of his thumb against the triangle of skin now exposed on the back of Ed’s neck where his hair has parted. Ed shivers.
“May I touch your chin?” Stede says.
Ed’s curtain of hair gives a ripple as he nods.
Stede uses the hand not on Ed’s back and touches his fingertips to the side of Ed’s chin facing away from him. Gently, he tips Ed’s face up until they make eye contact.
“Ed, I lo—”
Ed’s eyes blaze. He leans himself forcefully backward and out of Stede’s touch. “No! No, no, no. I am not going to be your dirty little secret until it’s convenient for your career to admit that we’re together!”
“‘Convenient for my career?’” Stede says, aghast.
“I know the kinds of offers you’ve been getting since that article came out.”
“That is completely ridiculous. I did it for you.”
“Sure you did.”
“What could I say to convince you?”
“Fucking nothing! You blew it, Stede Bonnet!”
Stede smiles to himself. We’ll see about that, Edward Teach.
~*~
The interview starts a bit stiff, but Maggie is an excellent hostess and they quickly fall back into step with their “best friends who are secretly in love with each other” shtick.
Which, well.
Eventually they come around to Stede’s coming out article.
“Stede, you’re thirty seven and newly out of the closet.”
“Congrats on that, man,” Ed says, clapping Stede on the back in what feels like a sincere way, despite his nasty comment in the green room. Stede knows that was just Ed lashing out anyway.
“What do you have to say to older fans who might be struggling with that themselves?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think I’m the best example for them, truth be told.”
“Oh?” says Maggie. “Why’s that?”
“Because I didn’t come out to make a statement or be a role model or advance my career or anything like that.”
Ed tenses beside him.
“I did it because I’m in love with Ed, and I wanted to prove to him that I’m not ashamed of that.”
Ed chokes on air while Maggie furrows her brow.
“Uh?” she says, looking off camera at a Netflix producer. “Little help?”
“You can’t say that,” the producer calls. “Take it again.”
“Why can’t I say it, please?” Stede says with rather impeccable patience.
“Because if you break up, that could be very bad.”
“We’re not together,” Ed says faintly.
“Whatever you are,” says the producer. “You can’t just say that you’re dating without consulting us on strategy.”
“We’re not dating!” Ed shrills.
“It’s true, we’re not,” Stede says. “Ed hasn’t forgiven me yet. But he will.”
“Oh I will, will I?”
“You will.”
“But will I?”
“Yes.”
“But will I.”
“Yes indeedy.”
“But… will I.”
“Yes.”
“But will I!”
“YES!”
“Boys!” Maggie says, exasperated. “Can we just take it again, please?”
“Sure.” Stede looks into the camera. “Hello, my name is Stede Bonnet. I play Pendragon Bridgerton nee Featherington on the smash hit Netflix original series Bridgerton. I’m gay, and I am deeply and irrevocably in love with my co-star Edward Teach.”
Ed’s hand flies to his mouth but that doesn’t stop Stede from hearing his hysterical little giggle.
“Stede,” says the producer wearily. “We’ll just cut this. And your contract is pretty clear that we get to control how these storylines go publicly while you’re working for us.”
“Fine. Fire me. Because I’m not going to stop saying it. Ever.”
“Stede,” Ed says quietly. “They will fire you.”
Stede stands up and puts his hands on his hips. He glares at everyone in the room. “I am Lady Whistledown. You can’t write me out. If you recast me, the fans will burn this studio to the ground. I dare you to fire me. Sue me, if you must. I am in love with Edward Teach, and I will shout it to the whole world until he’s ready to hear it!”
One of the camera men whoops, but other than that the room goes completely quiet. Stede glances at Ed, who’s looking at Stede with wide eyes and a small, glowing smile.
“Let’s take five?” Maggie says. The producer agrees, glaring at Stede.
Stede gets in close enough to whisper to Ed, “May I touch your hand?”
Ed bites his lip and nods. Stede interlaces their fingers carefully and tugs Ed into the green room.
“You fucking maniac,” Ed says as the door closes behind them. “You might never work again, do you get that?”
“I don’t care. You’re far more important to me than some silly little acting career.”
Ed ducks his eyes down, trying to hide how pleased he is. “I am, huh?”
They’re still holding hands. Slowly, to give Ed time to pull away, Stede draws Ed’s hand up to his lips and kisses it. He turns it delicately and pushes up Ed’s sleeve so that he can kiss the inside of his wrist.
“I guess…” Ed begins.
“Mm?” Stede says, lifting his gaze to make eye contact over Ed’s wrist. His nose and mouth are pressed gently against the skin there, breathing in seasalt and coconut, committing the smell to memory.
“I guess if. I mean. If you—If I said… then you could stop antagonizing the producers.”
Stede’s heart unfurls and starts to beat against his ribcage like the wings of a songbird.
“If you said what, dear?”
“Y’know, the thing.”
“What thing?”
“You’re on thin fuckin ice, Bonnet,” Ed growls.
“Sorry,” Stede says, trying not to sound too smug.
Ed takes a deep breath. “If I said… If I said ‘I love you,’ then we could just keep that to ourselves until they give us the okay to go public?”
“If you said ‘I love you?’”
Ed rolls his eyes and dips down to kiss Stede. Without hesitation, Stede wraps his arms around Ed and kisses back.
EPILOGUE
“I get full control over your social media posts together until filming wraps and a monthly feature in the tabloid of my choice,” Jackie says.
“Done,” says Stede.
“Exclusive rights to wedding footage.”
“We aren’t—” Ed begins.
“Done,” Stede says.
Ed ducks his head on a smile and nudges Stede’s foot with his own.
“No sex tapes,” Jackie says.
“Ever?” Ed says.
Stede giggles, tapping his foot onto to the top of Ed’s boot.
“Yes the fuck ever,” Jackie says. “Have I told you lately that I regret casting you two?”
“Not since a few minutes ago,” Stede says mildly.
“Julie Andrews can carry this role without you,” she warns. “Jackie could make that work.”
“I’m sure you could,” Stede says.
“Alright then. I’ll draw up the contracts.” She bares her teeth in a predatory grin. “Ziwe is going to give the interview where you two go public.”
“Who’s Ziwe?” asks Stede, at the same time Ed says, “Oh shit.”
Ziwe congratulates them on “proliferating real life romance novel tropes where the elite get to fall in love for others’ entertainment,” which Stede doesn’t understand until Ed explains to him later was not entirely a compliment.
Not that he cares. He’s dating Edward Teach now, and they’re in love, and he’s going to make sure the whole world knows it.