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Fate Sealed

Summary:

We were so close to ending the waking nightmare Astarion had been living in and I would want for nothing when this was over. He would be free and soon enough I would be, too.

The adrenaline began to fade away and I felt the radiance of Eilistraee leaving my system, the remnants of the blast I'd channeled upon her intervention, I thought. I took deep breaths that hurt my ribs upon exhaling.

Despite the pain I didn't regret calling upon her for a moment. A hesitant flicker of hope began to burn bright deep within my corrupted mind. The battle was won and Astarion was going to be rid of Cazador forever.

For a moment it felt like the worst was over.

But only for a moment.

Notes:

Hello reader!

The tags pretty much cover any triggers and etc. but in case you missed it Ascendant Astarion is portrayed in the way I reacted to him as I was playing as the durge character whose POV is being told.

I know people have thier own opinions about him and that's perfectly valid, but this is the way I felt and what inspired me to write after a very, very long drought.

Enjoy!

Chapter Text

I lay in my bedroll restlessly, unable to silence the voices in my mind. One whispered with excitement, the looming promise of extinguishing a life, undead or not, made my blood tingle in a way I wasn't sure I liked. A small, bitter voice kept reminding me that even if we somehow won, I was going to be helpless to prevent what came next. It felt wrong to even think of it that way, this wasn't about me. It was about Astarion.

 

Ever since learning of the hellish ritual that the infernal scars on his back bound him to; he had been excited about the idea of taking the power for himself. I recalled from recent memory how genuine he had sounded confessing that, despite himself, he had started to actually have feelings for me. I thought again of that moonlit night in the forest; the first time we'd touched, kissed...it had all happened so fast. I'd fallen for him much faster than I'd anticipated. But that was all before.

 

Now we were here, in the city, and only one sleep separated him and Cazador. Cazador. Just thinking his name made my blood boil. All of the atrocities he subjected upon his vampire spawn for centuries would be paid for. Would it cost Astarion too? Was there any chance that our bond was strong enough for him to resist becoming a monster himself?

 

I sat up, condemning the thought. I looked around the camp, taking it in. My companions all slept soundly; and I envied them. The not-so-distant lights of Baldur's Gate lit the horizon, the air was quiet and it was almost unsettling.

 

"Can't sleep, darling?" A real voice this time, warm and almost crooning. I turned to find Astarion, his scarlet eyes fixed on me. In the moonlight, he looked even paler than he already was. He stood in front of his tent, book in hand, his curly white hair tucked behind a pointy ear.

 

He always was handsome, but at this moment I saw him in another light. I shook my head and sighed. Astarion closed his book and set it down on the table next to him. I stood as quietly as possible to not wake the rest of our companions. Stepping lightly, I made my way to him.

 

“Is it the urges again?" he asked, "’cause as much fun as tying you up again sounds, I'd rather it were for a more fun purpose." He smiled knowingly, showing his fangs.

 

I felt myself flush. "No..." I trailed off. "What are you going to do about the Black Mass, do you think you're going to do it?”

 

Astarion sighed. "Of course I've thought about it. Being able to walk in the sun after centuries in the dark is tempting. Sans mindflayer parasite obviously. Not to mention the power. I deserve something good for once."

 

I frowned. He must not think what we had was worth as much as I thought. "Aren't you worried it'll change you?" I asked, reflecting my own fears.

 

Astarion raised and lowered his shoulders in a huffy sigh. "Maybe. But I just want to be free. To never have to worry about anyone having power over me again. You know that right?"

 

I did know, I just hoped that his freedom wouldn't require this Godsforsaken ritual. "Of course I want that for you but-" I faltered again. How was I to tell him that the idea of him getting the ultimate one up on his monstrous master scared me to death? That I knew full well who he would become if he ascended and became a vampire lord. But I feared even implying that he might become just like Cazador.

 

Astarion tilted his head slightly. "What are you thinking?" He asked softly.

 

Taking a breath I said, "I don't want to lose you. And I don't want you to lose yourself. I think; if you do ascend, then...you would."

 

He grimaced, taking in my words. "It's not about what you want." He scoffed.

 

"I know," I blurted out quickly, "I'm sorry, I know this is important to you, I just..." I bit my lip, the words stuck on my tongue. Stupid, you're fucking it up.

 

The taunting voice in my mind was back. I held my eyes shut for a moment, willing it to shut up. "I really care about you," I continued, "I know this is up to you, but it affects me too." I scanned his face for a reaction as the words came out, finding a small smile as his handsome elvish features softened slightly.

 

"I know you do." Astarion whispered as he reached for my hand, squeezing it gently. "But you're on my side, aren't you?" I held his gaze and gave a small nod. "Good." He said more cheerfully, raising his other hand to caress my cheek.

 

I leaned into his touch, then took a small step forward to wrap my free arm around him. I stayed there for a few moments, memorizing how it felt to hold him. His hand traced my jawline down to my chin, guiding it up gently. My heart skipped a beat looking into his eyes as he leaned in. I closed my eyes as his lips met mine softly at first but then with slightly more force as we fell into each other. The tight knot of anxiety in my chest released to a fluttering feeling. It was hard to hold back the words as we parted, still only separated by a breath.

 

The gentle look in his eyes spoke the words we hadn't said yet: or so I hoped. "Get some sleep," Astarion said, "We'll need you at full strength."

 

Right. All this worry is only the half of it. We still have to kill the bastard. I nodded, quietly praying to Eilistraee as I made my way back to bed. "Dark maiden guide my blade, let my hunt be completed with your swiftness. May my battle be a dance to your beauty. Violence to answer violence." I laid down, finally tired and the voices silenced for now.

 

The morning light brought new energy and tension to the camp as our troupe readied for the day. I pulled my silver plate armor on. Eilistraee's thin and graceful dancing silhouette sat centered on my chest, gleaming in essence of the moonlight she bathed in. I ran my fingers over it wistfully, drawing as much strength as I knew I would need. I looked to Shadowheart next to me, her dark purple and black vestments already donned.

 

"I can't believe we're finally here." She said, her green eyes beaming with excitement.

 

Baldur's Gate was indeed where all roads seemed to be heading for our party. I gave her a weak smile, not feeling anticipation but dread. Shadowheart pulled her long, dark braid over her shoulder, smoothing it down. The half-elf seemed so calm as she hummed to herself. "I just want to get this over with." I mumbled, more to myself than anything.

 

Shadowheart stopped humming and turned her full attention to me. "We'll be fine," she assured me wholeheartedly, "we've got plenty of magic and we're strong. Should be easy."

 

I wanted to believe that. Faith was something I'd always had, but it was difficult to find right now. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid." I told her, standing to settle my feet into my boots.

 

"I do believe caution is warranted!" Gale chimed in as he joined us. The wizard usually had the right idea when it came to danger, having scraped by losing his life in his own hubris. "However," he went on, "dwelling on these fears won't do us any good. We should focus on the task at hand."

 

I didn't ask for his advice, but he certainly wasn't wrong.

 

"Fuck that!" Karlach's ever enthusiastic voice caught me off guard, it was far too early for the tiefling's boundless energy. "Let's go hunt a vampire!" Karlach was nearly shouting and raised her greataxe over her head as she did.

 

I could feel the heat from the engine in her chest from where I stood. Part of me hated her exuberance. The part of me that lusted for blood stirred, sharing her excitement. I shook my head, trying to push the feeling away.

 

Amid the outbursts of my companions, I looked over at Astarion, who seemed to be oblivious to the racket. He was dressed in his dark leather armor, rapier at his side. I wanted to seek comfort from him again but I buried that feeling too. I slung my greatsword over my shoulder, it was nearly as long as I was tall and gleaming with radiant energy.

 

"Time to go." I said. The looming city was beautiful in the morning light. I took a deep breath, and we set off into Baldur's Gate.

 

Retracing our steps through the lower city was easy enough. Though not as grand as the upper city, the architecture of the stone buildings was still something to behold. The noise of enthusiastic conversations between citizens and street vendors shouting across the cobbled streets made the streets feel alive, even in these early hours.

I stopped to peer at an artist's booth. His paintings were breathtaking. I had excitedly reached for my coin purse, forgetting for a moment that I had no time for such frivolity. As we stood there for a moment the Steel Watch's metallic clanking filled the air as they stomped by, closely followed by a member of the Flaming Fist. As we ventured further into the city the large mechanical guard seemed to be everywhere. It made me uncomfortable.

 

It didn't take much longer to arrive at the rampart that would lead us into Cazador's palace. "I should probably lead," Astarion said as we came to the doors, "that way it's easier for us to pass." There was an uncomfortable quickness in the last phrase, followed by what I recognized as an anxious laugh.

 

I nodded, letting Astarion pass by me and subtly trying to reach for his hand as he did, hoping for at least a small touch. But he wasn't looking at me. I felt childish and stupid all over again.

 

What was I doing? The voice in the back of my mind taunted me with my shame, telling me once again that he wouldn't be able to resist the power on offer.

 

A hand suddenly weighed down on my shoulder and I was brought back to reality. "Hey," Shadowheart's voice came from behind me. I rested my hand upon hers. "Sure you're alright?"

 

I could hear the worry in her voice. I nodded silently. Shadowheart hesitated for a heartbeat then returned her hand to her side.

 

Astarion pushed the metal door open and we stepped inside. The entry hall was far more elegant than I'd expected. On either side of the entryway stood identical stone statues of a bearded man holding a longsword before him.

The walls were a fanciful red and gold print and a carpet of the same colors reached down the entire hall seeming to beckon guests to enter. On either side of the hall hung massive paintings, one depicting two women intertwined in dance, only it seemed their faces had been stripped down to their skulls. The other depicted a woman with a ram skull in place of her head and screaming shadowy spirits surrounding her. Neither of them left anything less than a pit in my stomach. If Cazador was going for disturbing, he'd certainly done it.

 

A lone, tan skinned human stood in the hall, she seemed to be pacing but observing her for a moment it seemed that she was cleaning, or at least pretending to. She didn't look up as we passed and I could faintly hear her chanting to herself, "Scrubbing for the Master. Must be clean." A thrall, it seemed.

Astarion confirmed as much with a small nod.

 

We passed through the deep red curtains that hung in the tall archway that led further into the palace to come face to face with a set of imposing metal doors that were just barely open. Set upon the dark iron were the gold silhouettes of rats in varying sizes. The image made my stomach turn. Astarion had spoken in some detail about being forced to survive only on rats while under Cazador's control. Subtle. I was so lost in the thought I almost missed the script encircling the rats. I had no recollection of any such language as I stared at it, distracting myself.

 

"Alright, brains" Karlach said as close to a whisper as she could manage, "what's it say?"

 

Knowing this was his cue, Gale sighed. "I don't appreciate the nickname though I know it's well meant." He took a step forward while he spoke, analyzing. "It's ancient, surely. But not one I recognize." Gale finally admitted. I attuned to my inner mind, using it to feel the space around me for magic.

 

"It's not magicked." I offered. "I think we can go right through."

 

Astarion scoffed, "Nothing is that simple when it comes to Cazador." He said and rolled his eyes.

 

I felt myself bristle. His snark was suddenly unwelcome. I reached for the heavy doors and swung them open with less effort than I had expected. Almost as if we were invited in. The smell of blood engulfed me immediately. Before I could even take in the sight of the room I knew what lay before me. Bodies. Piles of bodies. The murderous tingle in my veins jumped for joy at the carnage.

Well dressed patrons of all manner of races lay pooled in blood across the room, which I could just make out to be a ballroom. My eyes were transfixed on the gore, my body aching with jealousy. Jealousy that such a massive slaughter had happened and it hadn't been by my hand.

 

No, this was wrong. This was Cazador's doing, he'd invited these people here to murder them. My body ached as my mind fought to free itself from the profane feelings. My vision was hazy, I couldn't think of anything anymore.

 

"Come back to us," I could hear a soothing, familiar voice. "Wake up. Please." Was I sleeping? I forced myself to blink, coming back to myself. I opened my eyes into the concerned face of Astarion.

 

"Thank the Gods." I heard Gale say with an exhale from nearby.

 

I hadn't known that I'd fallen down, but I felt the soft carpet beneath my hands. "Darling I'm so glad you're back with us but what the hells was that?"

 

I turned my eyes back to Astarion, feeling incredibly sheepish. "I think the bodies, the blood... set something off in me. I fought it off and now we're here." This had never happened before. Why now?

 

Astarion looked at me in silence for a long moment. "It's all out of your system, then?" He asked finally.

 

I paused to take stock of every emotion I was feeling at the moment. Embarrassment, gratitude, disgust. The murderous will seemed to be dormant. I nodded, and I could see the understanding in his eyes.

 

"Up you get, then." Astarion stood, helping me up with him.

 

Looking around now I could see the ballroom, decorated for a party. Nothing seemed out of place, no furniture upended, no chairs thrown askew. Save for the blood and bodies it looked perfectly put together.

 

"If we're looking to be under the palace, where do you think we should start?" Shadowheart asked, attempting to change the subject from my incident.

 

"Hang on there," Karlach spoke up, "I think I need to know more. What in the hells is possessing you to react like that to dead bodies?"

 

I froze. I had been dreading explaining this; I'd only shared the truth with Astarion until now. I sighed aloud. Now's a good a time as any. "I'm...a Bhaal spawn. His blood courses through me, it compels to kill sometimes." I said haltingly. "I was trying to fight it and I guess instead of losing control like before I blacked out."

 

Karlach and Gale looked utterly shell-shocked. "Well." Gale said after what felt like an eternity, "The god of murder. That explains a lot."

 

Shame burned through me. I was horrified at what I'd done and I knew Gale had suspected me when that poor, sweet bard was found eviscerated in the middle of camp.

 

"This is hardly the time," Astarion scoffed, "we need to stop Cazador. You can squabble later."

 

I let out a small sigh of relief. "So where should we start looking?"