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“I didn’t forget, I just don’t care.”
That wasn’t true. I just needed to buy more time really. The plan was for me to take Steve to the bar, and for my men to set up the party.
Problem being, Steve got all pissy and ended up killing two random mercs.
On the way back to the base I ask, “Steve, did you get all of your anger out?”
Steve glares at me, “Felt good, still upset that you don’t care about my birthday.”
I shrug, “Well, sucks to suck,” I say like a dumbass. Steve just rolls his eyes.
“I mean,” I start up again, “We did go to the bar, and I shot that guy for you. Aren’t those good birthday presents?”
“I didn’t get a pretty pink birthday cake with my face on it, and we go to the bar all the time,” Steve huffs, “But I guess it was pretty nice of you to save my butt back there.”
“How about this, we can spend the rest of the day blowing up buildings.”
Steve smiles, “Oh, you know how I love to blow things.”
“Steve, don’t say it like that. Sounds gay.”
Steve raises an eyebrow, “Aww, why not? Are you saying you don’t love to blow things?”
He pulls a lever on the tank, firing off a tank shell into a nearby building, causing it to crack and fold in on itself.
I huff, “I like to blow stuff up, not blow things, Steve.”
Steve smirks, “Well if you think about it, blowing something and blowing something up are kinda the same. Apply a lot of pressure, and then something big gets smaller.”
I sigh, shaking my head, “Steve, do you want to suck my dick?”
He pauses, face beat red, as he looks at me and takes a deep breath. “C-captain,” he mutters.
“Yeah?” I respond slowly, face growing warm.
“Are you fucking gay?”
His words hit me like a tank shell going 132 kilometers per hour. Wait, how much is that in miles? Doesn’t matter.
“Ha! No, I was just wondering if you’re gay?” I say, “Uh, are you?”
“I’m biromantic,” He responds, unimpressed.
“Good to know, good to know,” I say, feeling like I want to collapse in on myself like a dying star, “You know what? Why don’t you go blow up some more buildings while I go shoot my own dick off?”
“Sure, Cap, I can blow up more buildings for you,” He sighs, firing the tank again, and again, and again.
Jesus, how the the fuck do you come back from that?
Half an hour to an hour goes by before I finally return to Steve after my fuck up.
“Soooo, Steve, we ready to get back to base?” I ask, trying to forget what happened.
“Yep, I’ll start driving now.” He answers blandly.
When they arrive at the base everyone in the barracks cheer, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE!”
Steve smiles brightly, “You guys remembered!”
“Of course, dude,” Ted says, “We even got you a pretty purple cake!”
Steve’s whole face falls.
“GOD DAMN IT!”