Chapter Text
“Harvey!” You moan smoothly as he kisses the inside of your thigh. Moustache hairs tickling you at the drag of his smoothed over lips that trail against you.
“Yes?” He speaks into the fine skin of your leg.
“Why do you insist on torturing me so?” You can feel the smile rise from him as he places a wet kiss to the point where your sex and thigh meet. You moan with knowing of a promised pleasure.
“Why wouldn’t I?” His tongue finally meeting the split of you. The familiar electric zips to the bottom of your belly with an ease that still feels exciting and even dangerous. Keening in approval with a lilt in your hips. As though they are searching for him all on their own. The tonging continues as he makes his hum of approval as he knows at this point when your end draws near. His increase in intensity marks it as such.
“Harvey..” Your voice trails and eventually breaks from your single word.
“Yes?” He responds albeit with his mouth still somewhat attached. Your hands find their home the silky locks of hazelnut that sprout from his head. Running your fingers so that his hair falls from between your fingers lovingly. He hums again with his own pleasure attached.
Tilting your head you gaze down at your lover as you drink in the sight of him once more. Your eyes cast their gaze upon him like it’s the last time you’ll see him in his brilliance. His own hand making guileful movement against himself. Trousers undone and pulled down just enough so that he may free himself. His own grip like that of which his other hand has on your knee.
You can feel his own breaths from out his nose become more stuttered against you. Fingers tightening against his hair; you find your end watching him find his within his grasp.
“Sometimes I never wish for this to end.” You speak half to him and half to the walls, should they be listening.
“Then it won’t” He takes a brief pause as though he is contemplating, “Of course, unless you find a day that you want it to.” He says casually while wiping his hands clean of his own spend. Your mind frowns at the thought of leaving.
“I think I should like to stay here in Pelican Town. It is charming here…”
“Do you say this because you have found me charming?” He laughs as he leans down beside your bed to capture your lips by his own as though he has proved his point.
“Not only you, but it’s the town. The people, the scenery, the weather. All of it. I find myself very happy here.” You smile against his lips as they connect once more.
Your head shakes free from the memory of the two of you. That day was in October only just three months ago. Now standing on the platform to leave Pelican Town felt surreal. The pine boards sit mockingly beneath foot as your train can be heard blaring in the distance. The day after meeting Robin she did as she said she would. She called on you after dinner to tell you that she had spoken to your lawyer, and you can find yourself a place to stay with him. She bid you a farewell and safe travels after placing your train ticket into your palm. You leave her with a promise to visit as soon as this was all over.
Finding yourself waiting to see if Haley will show, you rock nervously on your heels. The train is coming in with it’s dark plume visible even from this distance. You recall your husband speaking to his colleagues of the advancement in recent trains and their remarkable speeds of reaching nearly 30 miles per hour for a passenger car.
This was not such the case as the train comes to a slow screeching halt and stopping with a hiss as the attendant opens the door. Taking the case from you to board, your nerves consume you as you look for your friend. Walking to see past the nose of the engine to find nothing. Scanning the dirt path now covered in trampled snow that leads to the platform for any sign of the sunlight hair to come into view. Defeated you turn back towards your car to hand your ticket to the attendant who had put your luggage up for you.
Settling in your seat you look out of the window to have your last glance to where you have called your home for nearly the past year. Even though the town is blocked by a thicket of snow-capped evergreen trees you can see the smoke coming from chimneys as it rises and dissipates into the blanket of winter white clouds from above. The seat was surprisingly comfortable. Running a hand over the near velvet material to feel its roughness beneath your palm.
A huff came from across from you startling you away from your hypnotism of the seat. The seat giving a cough as someone sat in it abruptly. Looking up startled to see Haley sitting across from you panting. After having clearly run you can see the color in her cheeks as she spoke.
“Apologies, I nearly missed the train!” She spoke with the air missing from her words. Using her hand to move the fly away hairs from her face she smiles to you as a way to say, ‘don’t worry I’m here’. You smile back.
_
Mr. Acunin came to meet you as you arrived in the city. It’s so much louder than you remember as you hear the bustle of people, the horses pulling the carriages, the goings of more trains from beyond the current stop. You look to Haley, who has never been further than her own town. Her eyes wide in wonder as see takes in the scenery before her. Your voice greeting the lawyer is what took her gaze from that around her. Before long you are being issued into your own carriage and carted away.
“Glad to be back?” He asks as you and Haley are carted through the streets.
“There are many more of the Broomstick Carts[1] now than there were a year ago at this same time.”
“Yes, there is much more pavement laid and they’ve started the construction on what is to be the library. I suspect that they should be completed within two years with the pace they seem to be moving.”
“How exciting, don’t you agree Haley a brand-new library!” She doesn’t say anything as she continues to keep her gaze fixed on the city beyond the window of the cart.
“Haley?” You speak again.
“Oh, do not bother her. Let her see. There are worlds of people out there the girl has never seen, let her soak in the sight and be joyful. When was the last time you looked at the world like that? You may have been here before and have travelled these streets, roamed the shops but the girl has only had her one town.”
Mr. Acunin’s words struck you deeply. When was the last time you looked at the world around you with awe and innocent curiosity? When had you done something for yourself that didn’t involve someone else’s direct influence or gain? Could you recall the last time you looked at the world and saw beauty and marvel in the simplest things that you have seen every day?
You recall earlier before your ride on the train and looking at the doctor. You recall each time you looked at him and not just looked but saw. The day he came in after your argument and him wishing to talk to you. How you could see that he was tired, but through knowing him you know that he didn’t sleep. You could see it etched into each crevice of his face. Every deep line; under his eyes, beside his eyes, next to his mouth. Then you think of his smile. How he is always very polite and doesn’t smile fully around others. But with you, you can see all his teeth when he smiles. Know the sound of his full laugh and the weight of his mirth that accompanies it.
You are sick with a sudden sadness as you find yourself smiling of the man who hurt your heart. The conflict of knowing that he lied to you, in knowing that he told you he loved you in every moment he could, knowing each and every thing that has occurred was wrong because you are still married. Still married and still loved. Just not by the same person. You feel as though you are torn in two. You love the man that lives hours from here, in the same place Haley has just fled from with you, but he has hurt you. Tried to send you away, never gave you information regarding the absolute madness that was your diagnosis during the time nor would he willingly give it to you after.
And yet you are made to sit here with a stranger and someone that you met only mere months ago. You know that they are deemed to be trustworthy but in this moment it strikes you how different life can be. How quickly a single letter can make your life change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. It can’t be known what yet lies in that for you, but it is assumed that events will occur and to that you are certain.
_
A month passes. Nothing happens. Then three more weeks after that and something does happen.
It was a seemingly normal day in early March.
The windows are still frosted as you have moved into the beginning of spring. You’re counting down the days until it has been officially one year since you’ve seen your husband last. The cold sea air still making its way into Boston from the harbor sending the occasional chill down through the lit chimney. You can feel as Haley makes her movement small to sit close to you on the couch.
Haley doesn’t so much as serve you as she is your companion on this venture. She has accompanied you on a venture out with Mr Acunin’s associate to speak with the ladies who know your husband. At first, they didn’t seem all too keen on speaking to you, but after you told them who you were you found a great deal about your husband that the man joining you transcribed down for evidence.
However, it was today that made all the difference in how you viewed the world and how you viewed yourself.
“Ma’am?” You look up from your book as you shift uncomfortably on the couch in the lawyer’s home.
“I do not wish to pry on a sensitive manner however I have a very serious question for you.” Your eyebrows push together in concern.
“Well?” You ask as to not make it sound rude but concerned.
“I don’t suppose there really is any other way to say it. When was your last menses? I only ask because I am the one who usually kept track of your supplies when such occurred. It dawned on me this morning that I have had two since being here and I haven’t recalled you saying even once.”
You’re shocked for a single moment. Then flabbergasted. Utterly silent as you attempt to recall the last time you bled. A single thought popped through like a frog rising to the surface of the water to stick his head out. Slow and tentative as it pushed its way through. And your mouth went dry.
“But surely I can’t.” You whispered to Haley.
“When?” She called your name to you softly as she tried to coax the answer from your mind.
“In February. I bled for two hours about two weeks after our arrival.” You responded. Mouth feeling sticky as your shaking hand grasped the cup of tea to drink.
“That long ago?!” She laughs to herself, “One where to think you might be-“ Haley cuts herself off before she looks to you. You had already whipped your head around to face her as she spoke.
“The night of the snowstorm. Doctor Harvey’s birthday.” She said quietly enough you could barely hear it. Nodding you look down with still shaking hands.
“But I can’t be though. Surely. I had tried for six years with my husband. I am baren! There is no way for me to-“ A tear falls from your eye as your words become more panicked before they stop all together. Haley is closer now and has a hand laid to rest on your back. You turn your head back to hers and look into her blue eyes.
“None of us have it in us to tell him that he is likely unable.” You said to Haley. She looked confused for a moment before the words dawned on her just the same as they had you. Like a fish, you feel like you’ve been pierced and left in the sun to rot.
You felt sick as you look down and see nothing. There is no pushing against your corset, no tenderness in your breasts, no illness in the morning. If you had been in the family way[2] you would have shown by now. Saying this to Haley makes her look at you with a look of pity and hope. A truly odd combination to see on one’s face, but it means nothing and to worry about it would make matters worse.
“It could be stress, Haley. After I moved to Pelican Town, it took me weeks to get my cycle.”
“This many weeks? Nearly six weeks?” She asks you with a tone in her voice that makes you less than happy.
“No, I don’t know. All I know is this cannot be an option. There can be no way that I am pregnant. Especially not with Harvey’s child.” You respond angrily and Haley visibly winces back with her hand with her.
“I know that this is less than ideal, but is this what you wanted?” Her voice being captured by her want to make things seem better for you.
The door to the room swung open quickly as the lawyer walked in. Haley had by this point moved further down the couch. He approached as swiftly as he entered the room. You stood to greet him, and he offered to take your hands.
“Mister Acunin, what a pleasure to see you in the middle of the day. It isn’t often we see you in the light hours.” He laughs his toothy grin as you offer him your hand.
“I heard back from your husband’s lawyer. I needed to bring you the news in person.”
“Now you have raised my interest. Please do tell me, what news have you heard from my dreadful husband’s lawyer?” He releases your hand and motions you to sit. Catching his eye motion to Haley.
“She may stay, I prefer to keep her as witness.” You speak as you flatten your skirts to sit on the couch once again.
“Very well. Then great news. I have spoken to the attorneys for your husband, as you well know by now, and they have agreed that should you and your husband keep amicable separation then the only reason you should need to be seen by the judge is for the official disbanding.” You take a moment to process what he said.
“I’m sorry, I do not understand.” You say to him, and he shakes his head.
“In meaning that so long as you and your husband do not fight over what is to be divided then you should not need to have a trial with the judge to plead your case. You have already given me a listing of your shares of assets you brought in.”
“I care about the cottage and the remaining funds from my father. That is all I need. I care about nothing else.” Mr Acunin blinks for several times before speaking.
“And what of the other houses. The ones that you brought in?”
“He may have them if I can have the cottage and get to keep the remaining sum of my father’s money. Please include that when you meet with his attorneys next. I should like my own home out in the country. I rather like it there and keeping my father’s money means that I may be comfortable until I ever decide to remarry.” He nods before standing.
“Then ma’am we may be able to have this all finished come next month.” He says a thank you before leaving out the door once more.
Haley looks over to you in surprise, “You want to go back?”
“I think I do. Not for why you may think. I wish to be close to Robin. She may be my best way to properly care for this child.”
“So, you admit it then?”
“I will not admit anything until I have been properly seen and diagnosed.”
“You speak as though it is an illness.”
“Not an illness just a fright is all.”
_
Three more weeks pass after that. You are fighting the cold with Haley by your side. The spring has yet to make up its mind on whether or not it should begin to warm up again. Thus, bracing against the freshly spring air you wonder into the doctor’s office with Haley. The wooden door creaking against its old frame as you step in. The office itself has a few people littered around speaking in languages that you don’t quite understand. As you approach the desk where there was a nurse who greeted you.
“Hello Ma’am. What seems to be the issue?”
“Hello, um, I wish to see the doctor. I believe I may have a ‘condition’ and would like to see him for assurance.” You speak in a hushed tone.
“Oh, I see.” She looks down to your hand to see a still finely placed golden band on your left hand before she speaks again. “Do you have a family doctor that you would prefer to have visit your home?” She eyes you once more before she begins to handwrite into a book the reason for your visit.
“Normally yes, I would, but you see my husband and I just moved here from the country not three months ago. I just haven’t found the time for me to arrange that just yet.”
“I understand fully. May I have a last name to have on file for you?”
“Uh yes, Sullivan.” Haley coughs behind you in shock.
“Very well, Mrs. Sullivan. Please have a seat and I will retrieve you when the doctor is ready for you.” You tense as she says your name as such and look over to Haley who looks like the cat who swallowed the canary. As you and her sit on the wooden chairs with your back faced towards the window she speaks to you closely.
“So…Missus Sullivan how do you fare on such a crisp March morning?” Haley jokes adding extra emphasis on the name more than anything else.
“Do not play with me Haley. I do not enjoy having to lie, but I surely couldn’t give her my real name. Not when in just a few weeks there will be word of my divorce in the papers.”
“If you insist.”
“And I do.”
Twenty minutes of waiting falls by in a flash. You were making pleasant conversation with an elderly immigrant woman from Italy when they called you back. Leaving Haley behind and telling her you will see her once you return. The doctor was and older gentleman much how you expected Harvey to look when you first met him. His once dark hair now salt and peppered with a face that showed that the years have been kind to him.
“Mrs. Sullivan, I understand that you think you may be pregnant. Is that correct?”
“Yes.” You did your best to look as happy as you could in answering his question.
“Alright. Let me get these questions out of the way.”
After a set of the same questions you and Haley discussed three weeks prior. He seemed a fine doctor as he asked about typical symptoms. Asking you to lift your skirts so he may look closely. After a pinch of being uncomfortably spread open you begin to cry.
“Mrs. Sullivan, are you quite alright?”
“My apologies doctor. You see I have been in this position many times and not once had there been a happy outcome. My husband hasn’t always been the kindest when the news came back poor.”
“I see. I will do what I can to make this quick Missus. I am not a man who likes to have a lady cry in his presence.” After pushing and prodding and a quick poke the instrument is removed, and you are directed to lower your dress.
“Well congratulations Mrs Sullivan. Your cervix seems to be swollen and purple which by my indication tells me that you are pregnant. I may offer you an option for a midwife if I should know what side of town you live on.”
You breath out a deep sigh and cover over your stomach still in tears. The doctor takes this as a sign of happiness because he says,
“You seem like you may have waited an age for this. May your husband be better to you in the future now that you are able.”
“Thank you, sir. You have been most helpful, and hopefully discretionary. I wish to keep this as a surprise!” You lie once more through your teeth. “As for the midwife, I think I will go back to the country for the remainder of my condition. The city I fear may be too much.”
“Then be safe on your travels.”
You make a quick payment to the nurse who sits at the counter before making haste with Haley. She is fighting to keep pace with your stride as you make your way to the streetcar that will bring you back to your end of the city. After paying fare for the both of you, you both grab a bar as you wait for the car to start moving.
“Are we going to talk about what this doctor had to say?”
“This is not something we speak about in public Haley. We will wait until we are in the comfort of our secretive walls.” Haley nods in return.
_
“You must tell him.” Haley says to you in earnest.
“No.” You bite back bitterly.
“Yes, you must, it is his child.”
“This child may have been sired by him, but that does not mean that in any world that I would willingly let the man, who betrayed me mind you, believe that he should ever think to rear my child.”
Haley is struck dumb. She has no immediate response to this. All she says after a long pause is a question.
“What will happen after the child is born and begins to grow?’
“What do you mean?”
“You wish to move back, yes?” You nod to her in response. “This child will be born. You will raise it, and it will grow. Now what happens if this child is a boy? He will grow and he will look like Doctor Harvey. And what then? Will you deny him still even after a decade? People will see and moreover people will know. There are only so many people in Pelican Town, friend. You leave suddenly for a few months just after the whole of the town knows that you and he aren’t associated anymore, and then you come back. You may be able to walk freely in the town for a few weeks before you really need to stay inside or show the town that you are pregnant. There will be no way to hide that. I am telling you for the sake of your ‘so cared for reputation’ that you must tell him.” The look on Haley’s face shows that she is most serious. Nothing can help the fire that is lit under you and how it spits itself from your mouth before you can stop it.
“When did you think you could speak to me in such a sense Haley? When had you decided that we are equals in this sense?” You snap to her. Words falling from you in quick succession.
She closes her eyes and breathes in deep through her nose before she speaks, “I will choose to ignore your comment for now.” You go to speak again before she cuts you off, “Only for one reason and that is because you have nothing. You have no friends, no family and most of all you have no one else around you but me. I will not let you see me become your enemy. Not today.”
It was twice now that you feel as though you have been talked down to. You stand from the couch you have spent much of your time on here and begin to pace. Your hands fall to the front of your dress as you try to calm your mind.
“You are right. I apologise. I don’t know what came over me to say that.” You stop to look out of the window to see the city streets. Haley moves to stand to your left. Shoulder to shoulder you look down onto the pavement. The horses pulling carts, the streetcars riding down the rails placed in the street, the amount of people speaking in foreign tongues startles you. You felt homesick when first arriving in Pelican Town. The silence was eerie and uncomfortable but now that you have come back to the city something feels unsettling. Sometime during your stay you became accustomed to the sounds of nature and not people.
You see Mr. Acunin walk through his front door from the window. Upon realizing this you and Haley scramble to the couch to pick up various items. You a book and her, also a book. To look busy, you see, and to make it definitely very clear that you were not speaking about something that could, at the very least, find you in the most amount of trouble. As she enters the room you find yourself standing again like how you were just 45 seconds ago. He motions for you to sit.
“I have word once more.” He speaks cheerily.
“Only good ones, I pray.” You chuckle.
“Yes, his lawyers have agreed on his behalf. We still must see the judge to show the evidence of his wrong doings so he may grant you an eligibility to remarry.” He pauses to assess the look on your face. Eyes flicking in rapid movement across your face. Taking in a breath he speaks again, “I only say this since you expressed want previously.”
“I understand. Most certainly fantastic word you have brought Mister Acunin! When shall we set a date for then?”
“We are to have court two weeks from today, on Wednesday April the 26th.” He says to you with a smile in his voice. You turn to Haley who is already giggling with excitement. You laugh a little as well.
[1] Electric Rail Cars
[2] Pregnant