Chapter Text
Halloween was on a Friday.
It meant that they still had lessons, and the four of them spent every mind -numbing minuet of them wheezing with anticipation. Sirius didn’t pay attention in any of them, he had a mad smile plastered on his face and his leg wouldn’t stop bouncing up and down. He sat next to Remus in transfiguration, and Remus was tempted to reach across and place a hand on his thigh to steady it. He didn’t – of course – but he was tempted. Just to stop it from moving.
They’d been setting off minor pranks all day, from the second they’d woken up. First it was the sugar in the tea, then it was the pumpkins that sang David Bowie songs whenever you got too close. When everyone made their way to the Great Hall for lunch, the floors were covered in soap and water, making it almost impossible to walk anywhere without falling over (unless you were one of the marauders, who’d charmed their shoes to stick to the floor no matter what). During the last lesson of the day, everyone’s quills leapt out of their hands and started flying away, arranging themselves in the shape of a swan that flew out the window. Flitwick was so impressed with their charm work he didn’t even deduct house points.
The marauders skipped out on dinner, instead they went down to the kitchens and requested the house elves make them their own personal feast, which they were more than happy to do. Remus realised there were some benefits to befriending them back in first year – midnight feasts and enough food to feed Gryffindor twice over being some of them. They snuck the food back up to the common room one by one under the invisibility cloak. Everyone was already at dinner, but they’d learnt that you could never be too careful.
Word had spread fast about the party in Gryffindor, so much so that Remus wouldn’t be surprised if even the teachers knew. But this sort of thing happened every year, and they made no effort to stop it. Remus suspected they’d only care if things got out of hand – if someone became seriously injured or if they started running around the corridors in the dead of night. As long as the professors had plausible deniability, they were under the impression that anything was permitted.
Remus was also happy. He was fucking excited for the party, which was very surprising to him, because usually he hated big groups of loud people. But the prospect of this party was something that he was excited for. He had to smother his giddy laugh as he made his way up the stairs under the cloak, pockets weight down with undetectable extension charms. The moon was only five days away, but he didn’t ache at all. His senses were dialed up slightly, but other than the standard pains he always endured, he was completely fine. It felt like the wolf had finally settled down.
He’d been the last to return from the kitchens, so by the time he got back the others were almost all done with the decorations. Sirius and James had practically begged Mary and Marlene to carve pumpkins for them to place around the dorm room. The girls had agreed, so long as the boys also charmed their shoes so that they wouldn’t fall over on the floors. Now, there were pumpkins dotted all over the dorm room, resting on bookshelves and atop mantelpieces, on and under coffee tables and even charmed to float above their heads. It bathed the whole room in a haunting orange glow, dim enough to create monstrous shadows across the walls, but just light enough so that it was easy to see where you were going.
James and Peter both had their wands out, putting up bunting that ran all over the room; up the walls, zigzagging over the ceiling. It was enchanted to change colours every now and then, like muggle Christmas tree lights, that flashed between electric purple and orange in random intervals. Sirius ran towards him as soon as Remus entered the room with a mad smile. “You go the rest?”
Remus nodded and started unloading his pockets. Sirius, being the best at transfiguration, had managed to create one long table that they pushed up against the far end of the common room that was now laden with food and drink. “I think we might have gone a bit overboard.” Remus said, trying to place another finger sandwich on the pile without tipping it over.
“How much more is in your pockets?” Sirius asked, he had his hands hovering over the tower of ham and cheese sandwiches in case they fell over. The tower wobbled slightly.
“This wasn’t even half.” Remus said.
“Throw the rest back in the dorm room.” James shouted over, “we can save it for a midnight feast later.”
“Or we could save it for Pad’s birthday.” Peter mused. “Saves us from having to try and sneak up food then.”
“Spiffing idea, Wormtail.” Sirius declared, he wrapped an arm over Remus’ shoulders and dragged him upstairs, “Let’s go put this away.”
Remus laughed as he was pushed up the stairs and into their dorm room. Sirius went to sit on his bed, and Remus followed after him and then started emptying his pockets. “Fucking hell, Moons,” Sirius laughed, “maybe we did go a little overboard.” He picked up one of the many miniature chocolate chip cup-cakes that they’d requested and started peeling off the wrapper.
“You and Prongs just have no self-control.”
Sirius shrugged and ate half of the cake in one bite, “Self-control is for pussies.”
Remus joined him on the bed now that his pockets were empty and picked up a slice of lemon drizzle cake. How much cake did they get? “You sound like a real rock-star, there.”
“You think?” Sirius asked around his bite. Remus could see the chewed-up cake whirring around in his mouth and cringed. Sirius could have impeccable table manners one day, and eat like a three-year-old the next. It was like every now and then, he remembered his disdain for his parents and upbringing, and felt the need to rebel against it in the tiniest ways. Today was one of those days, where he needed to do anything and everything to remind himself that he couldn’t be more different from his family if he tried. Remus didn’t comment on it, didn’t mention how disgusting he found chewing with your mouth open. He let Sirius do this small thing, knowing that if he didn’t then there was a possibility he’d do something far worse instead. “If I weren’t a wizard, I’d definitely be a rockstar.”
“You can be a wizard and a rockstar, you know.”
“Suppose so.” He took a second bite of cake, finishing it off and vanishing the wrapper. “As soon as I get my hands on Alphard’s inheritance, the first thing I’m getting is guitar, and I’ll play nothing but Queen all the time.”
“Fine by me, though I’m sure James would get you a guitar if you asked him too.” Remus tore off another small section of cake, “Should have put it on your birthday list.”
Sirius reached forward and started peeling an orange. Remus didn’t even realize they’d gotten fruit. “I’m almost sixteen, Moony. I don’t have a birthday list.”
“Really?” He laughed. “I seem to remember little eleven year old Sirius Black giving us an entire list of everything he wanted for his birthday.”
“Merlin don’t remind me.” He groaned.
“You ordered it and everything.” He said, thinking back to the boy he’d only known for a little over a month announce to them all exactly what he expected for them to get him for his birthday. Remus laughed about it now, but back then he was terrified of Sirius. He was one of the most powerful purebloods in the country. The Heir of the Most Nobel and Ancient House of Black, and Remus was just Remus. A half-blooded werewolf from just outside Ystrad MynachIn. He’d been terrified that Sirius would kick him out once he realised that Remus couldn’t afford any of the fancy things on his list. “You ordered it by how happy you’d be if we got it for you, and then there was a second list in order of price, and a third list-“
“Okay, okay I get it.” He threw some of the orange peel at Remus. “Fucking hell, I was a wanker in first year.”
“Yeah, you really were.” He agreed, finishing off the cake. “I remember thinking ‘god am I going have to spend seven years living with this fucking toff?’”
Sirius placed an orange segment in his mouth. “You should have hit me over the head.”
“James did it for me.”
“Thank Merlin for that.” He offered Remus a piece of orange, and they sat there on the bed for a while opposite each other, sharing the orange until it was done. “What are you getting me for my birthday this year then, Moony?” He asked when it was all gone. They’d need to go back down to the common room and help Peter and James finish decorating, but neither of them seemed all that bothered in moving. If Remus was being honest, his head was starting to ache a little, and the idea of having to hang bunting up and charm the pumpkins so that they wouldn’t fall over and start a fire made him nauseous.
“It’s a surprise. I can’t tell you.”
“Pussy.” Sirius said.
Remus threw a cucumber slice at him., but he just batted it away. “Some of us just aren’t born to be a rockstar.”
“Fuck off, Moons, you’d make a great rockstar.”
“What are you on?” He laughed. “No I wouldn’t.”
“Yeah, I can picture it now. Us two on stage, you on bass me on vocals. Girls would throw themselves at us.”
Not fucking likely, he thought. “At you more like. What about Pete and James?”
He shook his head. “They wouldn’t know good music if it kicked them in the arse. It’ll just be us two.” He grinned. “We’ll be bigger than Queen.”
“Those are some big aspirations.”
“We’ll manage it, I can feel it in my tail.”
Remus laughed again. “That tail’s never steered us wrong before, now has it?”
“Nope, not once.” He agreed. Remus picked up a few chocolate biscuits, handing one to Sirius. The two of them ate in comfortable silence for a while, simply enjoying the others company. Sometimes, Remus got the sense that Sirius came to him when he needed room to be quiet. He was loud around everyone, but when the two of them were alone, they’d have moments just like this, where the only sounds around them were their breaths, the only movement the rising and falling of their chests as they let themselves exist together. Remus didn’t think Sirius was like that with anyone else – he was so eager to fill all the gaps in the room, to get everyone to look, but he never did that with Remus (never needed to; Remus would look at him regardless). “What do you think the others have got me?” He asked when they’d finished the biscuits.
“If you wait like three days then you’ll find out.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “You know, don’t you?”
“Maybe…”
He leaned forward immediately. “Tell me, Moons, tell me.”
“No!”
Sirius must have taken that as permission to charge at him. “Pleaaaseee.” He whined, taking hold of both of his hands while he tried to tackle Remus to the bed.
“No! Get off.” Remus tried to complain, but he was too busy laughing to do anything to even attempt to get Sirius off. “I’m not telling you shit.” He said as Sirius finally toppled him over on the bed.
He’s beautiful, was Remus’ only thought. They were face to face – so close – and Remus had the most perfect view of Sirius’ smile. It lit up his entire face, living up to his namesake of the brightest star in the sky. He was laughing, and if that wasn’t the best sound Remus had ever heard. He’d have done anything to make sure Sirius never stopped, so that he’d never have to feel the cold, emptiness that his family and surname cursed him with. He remembered that private promise he’d made all those years ago, I’ll save you, he thought. I’ll make you smile until the end of time.
Even when their laughter died, they stayed like that. With Remus’ body pinned under Sirius’. It reminded him of the beginning of the year, when they sat on the bed next to this, with Sirius as Padfoot trapping him in place. But Sirius wasn’t Padfoot now. They lay there for maybe a second too long, staring at each other with stupid, endless smiles on their face. And still the only thought that Remus could conceive was how beautiful he was. It was because Remus was studying him so closely, that he noticed the exact moment that Sirius’ eyes snagged on something in his peripheral vision.
Just like that, their hands were untangled, and Sirius lunged forward again to pick something up from the end of the bed, then rolled off, falling onto the floor in an ungraceful lump. Remus looked over to see what he was clutching close to his chest.
“Hey!” He tried to reach out, but just like that Sirius had gotten up and ran to the other side of the room. “Give it back!”
“Not until you tell me!”
“Pads, get back here.” He got up and ran at him as fast as he could (which wasn’t fast at all). “Pads!”
They spent the next ten minutes diving over beds and tackling each other to the floor. By the time the others came upstairs, they were out of breath and Remus’ hip and head were throbbing in pain, reminding him why he never ran. But Sirius was laughing so much that he couldn’t breathe, and the ache in Remus’ cheeks from smiling drowned out the ache in his side.
Sirius looked at him while James complained about the mess that they’d made of the dorm, and they both grinned even wider. Remus was happy.
James was dressed as a deer. Sirius had cried with laughter when James walked out of the bathroom with a headband with carefully crafted antlers protruding out of it – an exact replica of his own, James said with pride over the sounds of Sirius’ howling laughter.
Sirius was dressed as a vampire, something that James was teasing him relentlessly for because it meant that Sirius was really only wearing his normal clothes. He did have fake fangs and fake blood smeared over his mouth and had drawn a bite on his neck in red ink while his hair was left to hang over his face, resting just above his shoulders.
“What are you, Worms?” Sirius asked when Peter emerged from the toilet wearing his costume. They’d all hidden from each other what they were going as, so that they could all reveal them one by one in a ‘fashion show’ as James and Sirius put it. They all sat on their respective beds, drawing straws to see the order that they would go in; James first, Sirius second, Peter third, Remus last. Peter had just emerged from the bathroom with a green top and blue jeans, with patches of green splattered over them, like they had been poorly transfigured to change colour. There were also green circles all over his face, painted on in a dirty dark green shade of face paint and to top it all off, he’d tied a green bandanna over his head.
“Are you… a leaf?” James asked, tilting his head to the side slightly.
“I’m Cassandra.” Peter answered, pointing to his pet toad that sat in a cage on his bedside table.
Sirius scoffed, “You guys are awful at this. It’s Halloween, you need to be scary.”
“I don’t get why.” Peter said. “We never used to dress up for Hallow’s Eve.”
“Because it’s fun, Wormtail.” Sirius said.
“I don’t get why we do it though. The muggles started dressing up a few years ago, and now we are too.” He shrugged. “It just doesn’t make sense to me.”
“It’s just fun, Pete.” James repeated.
“Fine.” Peter let it drop, but Remus could see that he was still annoyed by… something. Remus didn’t really see the point of Halloween either if he was being honest, so he understood Peter slightly. But then again, he’d never celebrated Hallow’s Eve the wizard way before. He’d grown up around muggles, after all. The only wizard that he ever spent time around was his father, and Lyall stopped associating with the wizarding world when Remus was five years old. He didn’t understand why people like Peter were so attached to their old traditions because he wasn’t a part of it – he wasn’t a pureblood. Maybe it was annoying for them, to see things like Hallow’s Eve and Yule become more and more muggle with each passing year.
No one else mentioned it, though. And James and Sirius seemed more than happy to dress up in garish costumes and decorate the common room with bunting and pumpkins. Peter had wanted to have a party as much as the rest of them, Remus reminded himself as he put on his costume in the bathroom. If he didn’t like Halloween, he would have said something sooner.
“Hu?” Sirius asked the second Remus walked out the door.
“I’m Sherlock Holmes.” He said, understanding now why Peter had looked so nervous earlier, especially with Sirius staring you down, inspecting every aspect of your costume like they were some kind of quality control.
“You can’t just make someone up, Moony.” James laughed.
“It’s a character from a muggle book.” He said, remembering that he’d never seen James or Sirius reading for pleasure.
“Oh. Is he cool?” Sirius asked.
“He’s a detective…”
He nodded. “He’s cool then.”
“Says who?” James asked.
“Says me. You’re just pissy that Moony’s costume is cooler than yours.”
“But he’s wearing a weird hat.”
“And you’re wearing antlers.” Sirius flicked one of them for good measure.
“They’re my prongs, actually.”
Remus sighed. “I cannot deal with you guys sober.” He walked over to his bed on the other side of the room and began folding his clothes to put them away in his trunk.
“Moons, have you seen my eyeliner?” Sirius called from his own bed next to Remus a few minutes later.
“What eyeliner?”
“My eyeliner-“ he paused and looked up at him. “Where did you put it?”
Remus just shrugged and closed the lid on his trunk. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re an awful liar. Where is it?”
Remus regarded him for a moment, tilting his head to the side. He was wearing a red silk button down and a pair of the skinniest black jeans Remus had ever seen, along with his black leather jacket that James had brought for him for his last birthday. His hair was even curlier than usual, and Remus wondered absently if he’d put some sort of product in it, finally taking Mary’s advice on how to properly care for his hair. It meant that instead of resting just above his shoulders in loose waves like it normally did, his hair sat in ringlets, hanging an inch or so below his jaw. He looked exactly how muggles would picture a vampire, down to the fake fangs and blood dripping down his jaw and lips, like lipstick. All he needed now was a deep black eyeliner that would make his grey eyes seem white in comparison. “How badly do you want it?”
His nostrils flared. “Moony-“
“You know what I want.” He cut him off.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He did.
Remus shrugged again. “No eyeliner for you then.”
Sirius looked at him for a moment, longer, but eventually realised that it was useless – Remus was just as petty as he was. “Ugh, fine. I’ll ask Mary for some.” And literally stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him and everything. Remus grinned and fished the eyeliner out of his back pocket and placed it under Sirius duvet. A gift for him to find later tonight.
When he looked up, James and Peter were looking at him with expressions of fond exasperation. “What? He stole my favourite socks.”
James gasped. “Not the red fluffy socks! How will we cope?”
“You know my feet get cold around the full, Prongs.” He mumbled.
“Just layer up, then.” Peter said.
“I can’t it feels too tight.”
James laughed and took Remus’ hat off so he could ruffle his hair. “My mad little, Moony. How I love you.”
Remus had never once been excited about a party. Honestly, he’d never been to many parties. Whenever the older years had them in the past, Remus and everyone his age were kicked out of the common room, and Remus was too shy push is luck with sneaking in, unlike Sirius and James. Sometimes Peter would join them with trying to sneak their way into the common room when no one was looking, but he’d always return to the dorm sooner or later, unlike James and Sirius, who seemed to be loved by everyone and welcomed into the party even if they were really far too young to be there. On those nights, Peter and Remus used to sit on each other’s bed and play exploding snap or chess until their friends returned and recounted the night to them. Peter would pretend he didn’t feel left out, and Remus would pretend that he was interested.
But tonight was different. Because tonight, Remus was interested, and Peter wasn’t left out.
Just because Remus was happy about being at a party, didn’t mean he was going to talk to many people. He was still Remus. Lily seemed to be in the same boat as him, because they clung to the walls for most of the first few hours. She was dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, but hardly anyone understood that reference, so most people just thought she was wearing her normal clothes. She’d tried to explain the film to James, Sirius and Peter, but none of them could comprehend how a wizard could be involved in any of this. They gave up trying in the end, but James still tried to tell Lily that he thought she looked nice. All Lily had done was glare at him, taking it as an insult.
Remus had taken off his deerstalker hat after he caught a few people giving him weird looks for it. He knew that Sherlock Holmes was a muggle character, but he’d hoped that a few people would understand the reference. And besides, wizards walked around wearing robes all day, on Earth was a deerstalker hat strange to them?
Sirius and James were, predictably, in their element. They spoke with the older years like they were good friends, and the younger children watched them with awe written in their eyes. They rotated around the room like the sun, pulling people towards them everywhere they went like they were the centre of gravity. Like they were Gods. Remus wanted to go up to them. He wanted to spend time with his friends. But he didn’t want to be lumped in with so many people. He didn’t want to be made to look like just another one of their mindless worshipers because he wasn’t. He was their friend. Their best friend. He was their equal, even if no one else here recognised it. He wouldn’t stoop down so low that he’d have to beg them for their attention, like everyone else.
He was perfectly content to wait on the sidelines until they came back to him. And they would. They always would. It’ll only take some time until they do.
Peter didn’t want to wait, though. Every now and then, Remus caught a glimpse of him through the crowd of people, flitting around nervously, fitting himself into conversations. Remus could understand that, he guessed. He wanted to be at this party, wanted to have fun. And if Sirius and James were too busy with other people, then he’d find someone else to spend time with. Yes, Remus was hurt that he wasn’t spending time with him, but he was hardly fun to be around right now.
But he was actually enjoying himself. If you ignored the headache and the sudden overload his senses were under, then he was having a fun time. Marlene and Mary came up to them every now and then – Mary dressed as Little Red Riding Hood and Marlene dressed as a zombie quidditch player. Mary informed them that she’d invited Benji to come, but he hadn’t arrived yet, and Marlene replied that men were always late because they were too thick to tell the time. They asked Lily if she wanted to join them with Alice and Amelia Bones who were both slightly older than them but were still close friends with Mary. Lily declined, partly because she didn’t know them that well, and partly because she didn’t want to abandon Remus.
The last time anyone had come over and spoken to them had been a timid little first year girl. Remus almost jumped when he looked down and saw her at his feet. A few meters away, there were three other girls trying not to make it obvious that they were watching. “Are you Lily Evans?” She asked, a bit too quietly to be heard over everyone else in the common room, but Remus’ hearing had always been slightly better no matter the time of the month, and Lily had crouched down slightly to hear better.
“Yeah, I am.” Lily replied. “What’s your name?”
“Rose.” She said.
Lily smiled softly at her. “You’ve got a flower name too! We match.” The girl smiled back and paused for a few seconds. She clearly hadn’t rehearsed this part of the conversation. Lily seemed to pick up on this, and asked, “what was it you wanted to say?”
“Oh, umm.” She hesitated and glanced back to the group of girls that were still watching them. “I heard someone say that you were good at Defence Against the Dark Arts.”
It wasn’t a question, but Lily still treated it like one. “I- well, yeah. I mean I usually get pretty good grades. Why?” ‘Pretty good grades’ Remus almost laughed at that. She was tied for top of the class with Sirius and Remus. Not that she would ever be confident enough in herself to admit that out loud. Back in first year, Sirius and Lily had constantly been fighting to be top of the class (Remus suspected that it was one of the reasons they hadn’t totally warmed up to each other completely yet – they wanted to be better than the other). They’d been so engrossed in beating the other that they hadn’t even realised when Remus had ended up beating them both. Now it was an annual competition for all three of them to see who’d win, and Remus always pretended that he didn’t know about it.
“Well. It’s just that my friends and I were finding it a bit hard.” She said quietly. “And they didn’t teach me this in Primary School.” Remus heard Lily suck in a deep breath.
Remus met Lily when they were sat next to each other in potions during first year. Remus – being a half-blooded werewolf, knew about magic. He knew his father was a wizard and so was he, he knew all about Hogwarts and its houses, and broomsticks and potions and wands. But mainly, he knew about dark creatures, and purebloods and curses. He knew that his father had distanced themselves completely from the magical world, because it was dangerous for people like Remus. So, while Remus may have known of magics existence, that didn’t mean he was comfortable around it. No, he was comfortable around muggles and things like TV and cars. He understood maths and literacy and the history lessons his old teachers gave him, not this.
When he sat next to Lily for the first time when they were both clueless children. She’d turned to him and asked for help with her potion, assuming that he knew what Slughorn was talking about because everyone else did. Then Remus admitted that he was equally as lost, and they agreed to spend the next three weeks in the library until they were just as knowledgeable as everyone else in their year.
They later found out that there were only two muggle born Gryffindors in their entire year group – Mary and Lily – and that Remus was the only half-blood. There were others from other houses, of course, but it wasn’t really that common to interact with people from other houses, something that Remus, Lily and Mary all found extremely strange; they’d had houses in Primary School, but they didn’t really mean anything. They were just sort of… there.
Remus and Lily both knew how much of a shock it was to spend your whole life oblivious to magic, and then to suddenly be thrust into the deep end with no one there to teach you how to swim. There so much that people here just seemed to instinctively know. There was a hierarchy ingrained into their heads that muggle borns had to learn quickly or face the consequences. But they were kids. What kid wanted to learn that some people barely saw them as human sometimes? Remus and Lily had worked tirelessly during their first year to catch up with everything, to fit in. And no one had helped them, then.
“We were wondering if you could help us?” Rose asked now, and Lily was already nodding in agreement.
“Of course.” She smiled. “But my friend Remus is also one of the best in our year.” She looked over her shoulder at Remus, who was stood there slightly awkwardly, aware that he was practically towering over this terrified little girl. “Actually, you were top of the class last year. Do you think it would be alright if we both helped you?”
Rose looked up at him, slightly scared to meet his eyes. Remus could understand that – his scars didn’t exactly make him come across as friendly. “Yeah.” She said after a pause. “Yeah, that’s good.”
“Great! You can normally find us at the back of the library. Our tables’ on the-“
“I know.” She interrupted. “One of his friends told us not to sit there during our first week or they’d put itching powder in our bed.” Of course they did. He thought to himself dryly.
Lily’s eyes hardened slightly. “Really? Who?”
“The one with long hair.” She said quietly, like it was a secret. She was probably terrified admitting that – having heard stories about the Blacks and purebloods and what they thought about people like her. “He said that the table belonged to Moony.”
Lily just sighed heavily. She wasn’t afraid of Sirius. Never had been. She’d just been fed up and tired of him since the moment they locked eyes in Defence Against the Dark Arts. “Between you and me, the long haired one’s the biggest idiot in the entire school.”
“Really?” Rose looked at her with a mix of shock and fear.
“Absolutely.” Lily nodded. “You can come and find both of us tomorrow afternoon if you want.” She hesitated and looked back at Remus, remembering their plans to get absolutely plastered tonight. “Or maybe Sunday. Sunday would probably work best. Okay?”
Rose smiled brightly and nodded. “Okay. Thank you.” She said and bounded over to her friends to recite everything they’d said.
Lily and Remus didn’t say anything for a long while. They watched as Roses’ friends crowded around her, and they giggled and whispered furiously at each other, and then they watched as they walked slowly into the crowd of people and disappeared. “I wish someone had done that for us.” She said quietly. Remus nodded in agreement.
Sirius and James were stood on the table. “Ten!” They yelled, along with everyone else, “Nine! Eight!”
It was 9:59, and all of the younger years had gone up to the dorms, silencing charms had been cast on the common room so that they wouldn’t get disturbed, and the wards to keep them out were set to activate in seven seconds. Sirius and James were stood on a table, counting down the seconds until they could finally bring out the alcohol, because Lily and Frank had threatened them that if they got it out even a second early, they’d be in Saturday detentions for the rest of the year.
“Six! Five! Four!” Peter and Remus were stood together next to the table the other were stood on. Sirius had gone hunting for Remus around fifteen minutes earlier while James went to find Peter. “There you are, Moony.” He shouted when they locked eyes. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
Remus rolled his eyes, and Lily groaned loudly as Sirius slung his arm over Remus’ shoulders. “I literally haven’t moved.”
“Well, while you two have been wallowing over here, I’ve discovered that apparently no one in our whole house can hold a conversation, and that small talk makes me want to off myself. Moony, you must save me now.”
“We’ve not been wallowing.” He said.
“Whatever you say, Mooncakes.”
Lily snorted. “Mooncakes?”
Sirius shrugged, “Thought I’d try it out.” He looked at Remus. “Like it?”
“Hate it.”
“Brilliant.” He walked off, dragging Remus with him by the arm around his neck, “Onwards, Mooncakes!”
Remus was looking up at Sirius, smiling wildly while he watched him. His arm was slung over James’ shoulder and they screamed in each other’s faces, “Three! Two! One!”
Suddenly, a bottle of firewhisky appeared in Sirius’ hand, and he proceeded to take several large gulps of it before passing the bottle over to James who did the same. But Remus was too bust watching the way Sirius’ lips shone in the low orange light of the common room, the way the whisky slipped down his chin, the way his lips pulled against his teeth as he smiled, the flush in his cheeks when he laughed. Remus imaged how the vibrations in his throat felt when he spoke, he imagined laying a hand against his throat as Sirius spoke, imagined what it would feel like. He imagined that he could hear the beat of Sirius’ heart, imagined it racing and it slowing down.
Remus’ hadn’t even drank yet, but he already felt faint.
He shook himself out of the daze he had been in long enough for James to hand him the bottle. Remus proceeded to lift it to his lips – intimately aware that both James and Sirius had done the same – and downed almost all of what was left. Peter didn’t seem to mind that there was barely any left for him. He started to gag pretty quickly, complaining about the taste, and the burn in the back of his throat. James and Sirius just laughed and stumbled their way off the table. It was clearly already going to their heads.
“Just take it slow, Worms.” Sirius said, pushing the bottle back to Peter’s mouth. “In a while, you won’t even feel it anymore.”
Peter glanced over to Remus, as if for help, and Remus remembered that he was the only one out of the four of them that had gotten drunk before. He nodded, and Peter began to drink again.
“Come help me with music, Mooncakes.” Sirius announced just as Peter started drinking. “I refuse to listen to ABBA all night.”
Sirius dragged him through the crowd of people to the other side of the room, he had to hold onto his arm so that they didn’t get pulled apart from each other. Their record player was sat in the corner of the room, and Remus had enchanted it so that the volume could be turned even louder. There was a box of records next to it, so anyone could play what they wanted, but wizard music was notoriously shit, and there weren’t enough muggle-borns or half-bloods that brought records with them to Hogwarts for anyone else to contribute anything. It was mostly just the marauders (Remus and Sirius’) collection of records and Mary and Lily’s ABBA shrine.
“Black, don’t you dare touch that record!” They heard Mary shout from somewhere across the room. Sirius giggled and started rummaging through their records.
“Ziiggy?” Remus asked, pulling out the record that Maisie brought him last summer. He and Sirius had listened to it to death over the past month.
“I like the way you think, Moon-Man.” Sirius said and snatched the record out of his hands.
“Are you gonna keep up the weird Moony variations all night?”
“Yup.”
“Why?” Remus asked while Sirius placed the record in its place. “What’s wrong with Moony?”
“That’s what everyone calls you. I want to find something just for me.” Sirius said.
“But not everyone calls me Moony. Just you guys.”
“Still,” Sirius shrugged, and the music started playing. He had to shout over it to be heard. “I want to give you something special.”
Sirius left him again not long after to go and dance. He’d asked Remus to come join him, stating that it was his song, but Remus pointed out that he couldn’t actually dance, and would have more fun watching Sirius instead. And he did. Sirius danced like no one else was watching – but they were. Remus knew for a fact that he wasn’t the only one watching Sirius. There was something about him that just attracted people. You got the sense that you had to watch him.
Remus didn’t immediately go back to his place in the corner – mainly because Lily was no longer there and was instead sat with Marlene and Alice. Mary was sat on a sofa with Benji, with their heads tucked closely together. Remus was pretty sure they were trying to whisper (to be romantic or something) but by the looks on their faces they couldn’t hear a single thing each other was saying. Especially as the song reached its chorus, and Sirius and James started belting out the words; “Freak out in a moonage daydream!”
Remus couldn’t help but laugh at them.
He ended up hovering around the food and drinks table, filling up a large plastic cup of whatever strangely coloured drink looked even vaguely appealing. The result was a purply-brown coloured drink, with a hint of fizziness. It tasted sort of fruity, but the aftertaste was pure alcohol. Remus loved it.
He spent around half an hour simply watching everything play out in front of him. He watched Lily loosen up and was eventually crackling in a corner of girls with her head thrown back and her mouth wide open. He watched James glanced back at her every now and then, smile softly and then return to whatever it is he was doing. Sometimes, he looked like he was gearing up to go and talk to her, but never did. Sirius continued to dance and sing and talk to almost everyone in the room. He’d lost his fake fangs at some point – much like how James had lost his antlers and Remus ditched his hat. Almost everyone who had come in a costume had lost bits and pieces of it as the night wore on. Maybe Peter was right – maybe there hadn’t been any point in dressing up if it wasn’t even going to last more than three hours.
Peter, predictably, turned out to be a lightweight. Remus wasn’t quite sure how long he’d survived before becoming well and truly drunk, but it can’t have been more than half an hour. But it turned out, when Peter wasn’t constantly fretting about whether or not people liked him, people, well… liked him.
Remus had always known how funny Peter was, but it seemed everyone else was noticing that now too. He had a small group of people around him at all times, and every now and then, Remus could hear them all burst out into loud laughter, with Peter in the centre of it all, smiling widely.
Not many people talked to Remus, and he was perfectly fine with that. He was aware of how awkward he probably looked – with gangly limbs, unexplainable scars, perpetual eyebags and crooked nose. He had a reputation of being shy but nice enough. Nice enough to warrant the occasional hello, or smile in a corridor, but not worth enough to warrant wanting to be friends with. Remus quite liked that, though. If he was as popular and James or Sirius, then he’d be exhausted already by the amount of talking you had to do with everyone.
When it neared quarter to eleven, Mary and Marlene stumbled over to him as he started topping his drink up. “What you drinking, Remus?” Mary asked him, leaning over to peak in his cup.
“Bit of everything.”
“Lemme try.” Marlene didn’t wait for a response, and plucked the drink out of his hand and had a massive swig of it. “Fuck me!” She shouted, drawing some attention as she chocked. “That is fucking disgusting, mate.”
“Really?” Mary took it out of her hands and tried a noticeably smaller sip. “Jesus.” She swore, shoving it back in Remus’ hands. He tried his best to not burst out into laughter. “How can you drink that?”
“It’s not that bad.” He said, laughing.
“Remus, that has enough alcohol in it to wipe out a small village.” Marlene said. “How are you not absolutely pissed?”
“Dunno.” Now that she mentioned it, Remus did feel a little lightheaded, the room was spinning the slightest bit, and he had a strange feeling like he should both run a marathon and also fall asleep for the next three years.
“Well,” Mary said loudly. “we wanted to come over to tell you that you looked sad and lonely, so we’ve come to save you.”
“Save me?” He asked, and decided not to point out how slurred her words were.
Marlene slung her arm over Mary’s shoulder, dragging her closer. “Black’s been lamenting about how you left him all alone, so we’re going to deliver you to him.”
Remus paused for a moment, trying to find his friends. He must have zoned out at some point, because now Sirius was sat by himself near the record player with a few seventh-year girls talking to him. Peter and James were nowhere to be seen. Why weren’t they with him? “Really?”
“James left him to go take care of Peter.” Marlene answered his unasked question.
“We’re pretty sure he’s throwing up right now.” Mary finished. She was leaning heavily into Marlene’s arms.
“Shit,” Remus said. “Shall I go find him?”
“Nope!” Marlene said, and grabbed him by the arm, dislodging Mary slightly and causing her to stumble. “If we don’t find someone to keep Black entertained soon, then I think he might set fire to something.”
“How am I going to entertain him?”
Marlene started to try and drag him away from where he was leaning against the snack table. “You won’t.” She said, like it was obvious. “You’ll calm him down. You always do.”
Mary nodded her head viscously. “She’s right. He’d noticeably more… less loud when you’re around.”
Remus laughed. “’More less loud?’”
Mary hit him on the arm so lightly it was more of a pat, then proceeded to help Marlene pull him through the crowd of people. “Fuck off Lupin. Just because you seem to have the alcohol tolerance of a… tree, doesn’t mean the rest of us do”
“A tree?” He asked.
Mary groaned loudly, and Marlene joined him in laughing at him. “Go tell Sirius to shut up!” She shouted and pushed him away, which was hard, because Marlene was still holding his arm and she was still partly hanging off of Marlene. “I’ve had enough of you.”
He laughed harder when she actually ended up stomping her foot, and stumbled the rest of the way over to Sirius. “And tell him to put ABBA on!” She shouted.
When Sirius saw him, he broke into a wide grin, completely ignoring what the girls on either side of him were saying. Remus couldn’t help but smile as well. Sirius’ eyes were slightly hazy, his hair even curlier than normal, his clothes dishevelled, and his skin shone with sweat. He was beautiful, Remus caught himself thinking again, for a fraction of a second, then stopped.
Was he allowed to think that about his friends? It was the truth, yes – you’d have to be blind not to see it. And even if you were blind, Remus suspected that you’d still at least be aware of Sirius’ beauty, as half of it came from his personality anyway. Remus was sure that everyone thought Sirius was a beautiful person, no matter… who they were. It was an indisputable fact of like: the sky was blue, grass was green, and Sirius Black is beautiful. But no one ever said that.
Especially not boys.
Girls called him handsome, or good looking, but never beautiful. And even then, those compliments were few and far between, because what was the point in them? Sirius knew he was good looking – all of the Black’s had been reminded of that fact since they were babies, they were renowned for their ethereal, otherworldly beauty. Complimenting them was effectively useless, it was just a pointless reminder of what they already knew.
It was probably why girls were so afraid to flirt with him; because there was nothing you could really say or do. It was an unwritten rule, that you had to wait for a Black to come to you, not the other way around.
Sirius hadn’t had girlfriends, necessarily. He’d had the eleven-year-old equivalent, wherein you told someone you liked them, held their hand for a week and then promptly forget they exist. But never anything, well, serious. Remus knew for a fact that there were a dozen girls in the years both above and below that would sell their souls for a chance to be with Sirius Black, but Sirius had never expressed any interest in them. Even the two girls that he sat with now were clearly infatuated with him, but Remus could feel it in the way Sirius’ entire body literally lit up when he saw Remus, that he couldn’t care less about any of them. Sirius was a friendly person – and many made the mistake of assuming that meant he liked them. He didn’t, though. There was a very, very small portion of people that Sirius genuinely considered friends.
“Hiya Mooncheeks.” He said when Remus came close. Both of the girls turned around to see who had joined them, and Remus didn’t miss the way their faces fell slightly, their eyebrows dip forwards, trying to remember Remus’ name and trying to will him away.
Remus ignored them – he was good at that. “That’s awful.” He said in reply to his new nickname.
Sirius grinned and thrust the half empty bottle of firewhisky into Remus’ direction. “Want some?” Remus held out his cup, and Sirius filled it up some more. One of the girls – Remus had no idea what her name was – tried to carry on whatever conversation they were having before, but Sirius wasn’t listening that much. He nudged Remus’ shoulder and asked him if he’s seen James lately, and Remus told him he was taking care of Wormtail.
“You were telling us about the singing portraits, Sirius.” One of the girls prompted. She was tall – or at least as tall as Remus, with long blonde hair. She was pretty.
“Oh, yeah.” Sirius said, like he was just remembered they were there (and he probably was, Remus could tell by Sirius’ body language that he really didn’t want to be talking with these girls). “Actually, the entire thing was Moony’s idea.” He nudged Remus’ arm. “Bloody genius, this one is.”
“Okay…” The girl said, sparing Remus a short glance, and he stared back at her. “Are you going to Hogsmeade this weekend?”
“Nah, busy.” Sirius said and didn’t elaborate. Too close to the full moon, Remus thought to himself.
The girl other girl – a brunette seemed to sense that her friend wasn’t going to get anywhere, because she tugged her by the arm, made up some excuse about needing to toilet, and pulled her friend away. Sirius let out a sigh as soon as they were out of earshot. “She has to be one of the most boring people I’ve ever spoken to.”
Remus chuckled, “she couldn’t have been that bad.”
Sirius gave him a look. “Her opening line was, ‘I saw you dancing, what’s your favourite type of waltz’?”
He snorted. “That’s a pretty understandable opening line when talking to a pureblood.”
“Since when have I ever acted like a typical pureblood?” Sirius asked, looking genuinely offended. “Honestly, it’s like these people don’t even know me.”
They leant against the wall for a little while longer, looking at the party in silence. They really had outdone themselves for their first party. Almost all of the older years were in attendance, even one or two people from other houses had shown up. The common room didn’t look as put together as it had at the beginning of the night – some of the banners had been torn down, and people had transfigured them into strangely patterned hats or scarfs, the food table was a mess of leftovers and half eaten tarts, and the drinks table was filled with discarded bottles and plastic cups and spillages.
It was the first time all night that Remus had seen Sirius standing still.
He still couldn’t find Peter or James through the crowd, and was about to suggest that they go find them when he heard Sirius speak up. “Your cheeks are red.” He looked at Sirius, who was already looking back at him with a weak smile on his lips. “It’s cute. We need different music.”
Remus blinked at him for a second, before shrugging the comment off. “Mary wants ABBA.”
He scoffed. “Well, I want Led Zepplin.”
Remus came up next to him where he was bowed over the box of records. “How about The Beatles? I think Lily put a few records in here.”
Sirius paused and looked up at him. “Evans brought records?”
“Yeah, Pads.” He scoffed.
“Hu.” He said, like he was remembering that Lily – being a muggle-born – would of course have easy access to records and a record player back home. He shifted through the box until he pulled out a very battered copy of Abbey Road. “This hers?”
“Think so.”
“Cool.” He switched out the Bowie record that had been playing for around an hour now and placed the Beatles in its place. As soon as the opening notes sounded, Remus heard a voice in the distance that sounded like Lily screaming, Yes! Him and Sirius smiled at each other and went back to their quiet watching.
The longer he stood there, the more Remus seemed to notice the headache again. It had lessened over the course of the evening, but all of a sudden it was starting to emerge again. He took a rather large swig of his drink in the hopes that the alcohol would help to drown it out. “Having fun?” He asked Sirius.
He turned to look at him with a manic smile. “The most fun. We should do this all the fucking time. You alright?”
Remus nodded. “Yeah.”
“You seemed quiet.”
“That’s just me.”
Sirius looked at him oddly for a second. “You should be louder. I like listening to you.”
Remus furrowed his brows. Apparently, drinking made Sirius affectionate. He didn’t quite know what to do with this knowledge. “How much have you drank?”
“Dunno.” He placed his bottle on the table next to the record player, then held out his hand expectantly. “Dance with me.”
“I can’t dance. I’ll just watch.”
“No.” Sirius shook his head vehemently. “Not allowed. Illegal. Dance with me.”
“Are you not tired yet?”
“Far from it.” He paused, inspecting Remus more intently. “Are you tired?”
Yes. “No, I just don’t feel like dancing.” Sirius didn’t look convinced. “I feel like if I move too much I’ll fall over.” He admitted.
“Then we can sit down.”
“Do you want to sit down?” Sirius looked like he was ready to run a mile. Sirius Black never sat down when there was an option to run around and have fun. He would always chose the more exciting option, and sitting down in the middle of a party to have a break was not the fun option.
Sirius refused to answer him, and grabbed his arm and dragged him over to one of the sofas that had been pushed to the edges of the room. “Sit Moonpie, sit.” He said sternly, and Remus laughed at how much he sounded like someone’s mother berating their naughty child. He sat down, relishing the way it felt to finally rest, and was surprised when Sirius also sat down beside him.
“Now what?” Remus asked for a few second.
“We play a game.” He grinned. “Mickinnon!” Sirius yelled across the room, and Remus winced at the volume change.
Marlene’s head appeared from the wall of people in front of them. “What?”
“Truth or dare?”
Ten minutes later, and a small group of them had amassed in a lopsided circle in the common room. Remus, Sirius and Marlene were all sat on the sofa, Mary and Lily on the floor beside them – Benji as well. There were a few other people that Remus had spoken to once or twice before, like Alice Fortesque, Frank Longbottom, the Prewets and another Ravenclaw called Caradoc that was friends with Benji. Remus shuffled on the sofa, trying to get comfortable; this wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind when Sirius suggested they sit down. His strange cocktail of every drink he could find had finally started to catch up with him. He tried to take another sip, but it suddenly tasted vile, so he placed the half full cup down on the small coffee table beside him.
Mary took it upon herself to be the Bottle Spinner, and spun the empty glass bottle in the middle of their circle around with a flick of her wrist, and then sat down again next to Benji (Remus didn’t miss the way he leaned away from his girlfriend slightly when she shuffled slightly closer – Mary didn’t either, if the strange look she gave him was anything to go by).
The bottle landed on Fabian Prewet. He chose dare. His brother dared him to give Frank a lap dance, which he did with drunken fervour, and Remus had to subtly look away for a few seconds. He couldn’t help the small flush that came into his cheeks, but if anyone were to ask him about it. Then he’d blame the alcohol. Not the way both of their bodies moved together- No. No, he definitely was not thinking about it at all. Everyone else was laughing and cheering and goading them on, and Remus was a shy person anyway, so it wasn’t really strange that he didn’t join in with that. In fact, no one was even sparing him a second glance. Except from Sirius.
Remus caught his eye the second he looked away from Fabian and Frank, to find Sirius already looking at him. Remus couldn’t understand his expression, so he just gave him a weak laugh and a wide, fake smile and hoped that Sirius wouldn’t ask any questions – he didn’t. The lap dance finished when Caradoc declared that he’d “seen enough of you ponces”, and everyone laughed.
Remus leant over to fetch his awful drink and downed the rest of it in a few large gulps.
Next was Marlene, and she chose dare as well. “I dare you,” said Sirius loudly. “To find Prongs and pour this over his head.” He toom the now empty up from Remus’ hand and filled it with water by the flick of his wand. Marlene laughed and saluted him, then got up on unsteady legs and started making her way through the throngs of people.
“How will we know if she’s done it?” Benji asked, looking intently at the place she’d disappeared.
“When we hear James scream like a girl.” Sirius told him, already laughing.
“Do you think he’ll appreciate someone dumping water on him and running away?” Lily asked.
Sirius shook his head. “Oh no, definitely not.”
Mary giggled. “Poor Marlene’s gonna get her head screamed off by James Potter.”
Everyone in their group stayed silent for a few more seconds, waiting patiently for the sound of James screaming at Marlene. Sure enough, around thirty seconds later, they could just about hear a loud “what the fuck Mickinnon!” over the music. Sirius and Remus immediately burst out laughing.
Marlene came running back towards them with a mad grin on her face, gasping for breath as she fell down next to Sirius on the sofa. “Oh he’s pissed.”
“What did he look like?” Gideon asked.
“Like someone had taken a shit in his shoe and he’d put it on with bare feet.”
“Where is he?” Frank said, glancing over his shoulder to try and pick James out.
“Helping Peter up the stairs to the dorms.” She answered.
“Did he look okay?” Remus asked her.
Marlene shrugged. “Didn’t really see. But Potter was basically carrying him.”
“Poor Peter.” Alice sighed, but even she was laughing as well.
Mary leaned forward again and spun the bottle, sitting back down as close to Benji as possible. He didn’t even seem to notice. Eventually, it landed on Alice, who smiled shyly and chose truth.
Marlene piped up before anyone else had the chance to. “Is it true you had a secret muggle boyfriend last summer?
Alice looked stunned for a second, then confused, then her face closed off completely. “No, Marlene,” she said, “I didn’t.”
“Then who-“
She cut her off steely. “Frank is my first boyfriend.”
“Ah, but was he your first?” Fabien nudged her on the shoulder gently, laughing. Alice didn’t say anything, though. She looked away and just so happened to make eye contact with Sirius, which only made her blush harder, and she looked at the bottle in front of them. “Holy shit!” Fabien shouted.
Mary leaned forward slightly. “Who?” Frank bit his lip like he was holding himself back from saying something, and Remus remembered what Peter had told him not even a month ago, about how, apparently, Alice still wasn’t over her ex.
“You’ve already asked your question.” Alice snapped. Yup, definitely not over them, he thought and glanced across at Sirius who clearly thought the same thing. Alice was tense, and so was Frank and they both refused to look at each other. “Mary, spin the bottle.”
She leant forward again, and spun it with a little less enthusiasm than she had before, then it landed on Sirius and her entire face lit up, smiling at him. “Sirius!”
“Mary!” He shouted back, smiling widely. “Dare, if you please.”
“I dare you,” said a loud voice behind them, and Remus turned around to find a soaking wet Jame Potter leaning against the back of the sofa. “to kiss the prettiest girl in the circle.” Marlene groaned loudly, and said something along the lines of ‘please no more snogging’, but no one really heard her as everyone else cheered.
Sirius jumped up out of his seat, and everyone’s eyes – naturally – turned to him. They were glued to his face as he hopped over the bottle to kneel in front of Mary. “Mary Macdonald,” he declared loudly, accentuating his upper-class accent ever so slightly, Remus and Lily both caught each other’s gaze and rolled their eyes at him. “may I have this kiss?”
Mary giggled, “You may.”
Sirius held out his hand, and Mary rolled her hands before placing her hand in his. Sirius winked, and slowly brough her hand up to his lips and kissed it, maintain eye contact all the while.
Remus heard James huff behind him. “I meant on the lips, but okay.”
Sirius looked at him and gasped. “But I’m a gentleman, Potter!” He motioned over to Benji who’d watched the whole interaction with mild disinterest. “I’d never kiss another lads lass without his say so.”
Benji shrugged. “Hey, it’s fine by me.”
“I am right here- what do you mean it’s fine by me?” Mary spun around and gave him an incredulous look. “Would you not care if I kissed someone else?”
“Why, were you planning on doing it?”
Mary looked taken aback. Next to him Remus felt Sirius stiffen – he’s always been protective of Mary and thought of her like a younger sister sometimes. “No, but- forget it.” She shook her head and spun the bottle again, with far less enthusiasm this time. When she sat back down there was a small gap between Benji and Mary. James sat down beside Frank and Fabien, and Remus dried him with a quick charm.
Eventually, the bottle landed on Lily. “Dare.” She said after a second.
“Oh Evans, you never fail to surprise me.”
“Fuck off, Black.” She mumbled.
“Dare you to sit on Lupin’s lap for another two rounds.” Gideon said.
Remus choked on the mouthful he’d just swallowed. “What?”
“What?” Gideon asked as Sirius, Marlene and Mary all burst out into laughter at the look of Remus’ face. “Aren’t you two together?”
“Will people stop saying that?” Lilly huffed.
“You’re not?” Frank asked, looking genuinely confused.
“No..?” Remus more asked than said. He looked down at Lily who was looking up at him with equal confusion. He knew that he spent a lot of time with her, but was that really all it took for people to assume that they were together? Was it not possible for him to simply have friends? He was friends with Mary and Marlene and no one assumed he was with them.
Fabien just shrugged, undeterred. “Dare still stands.”
Lily closed her eyes and mouthed what looked like a small prayer. “Ugh, fine.” She stood up, and the Prewett twins gave her a small wolf-whistle. She gave them the finger. “Sorry Re.” She said, and tentatively sat sideways in his lap.
“Just be careful of my left knee.” He said quietly so only she could hear him.
Mary continued to giggle with Marlene, looking up at the two of them every now and then while she spun the bottle. It landed on James, and Sirius cheered. “Come on Prongsie.”
“Dare.”
“Yes!”
Frank extended his hand out, holding a large, full bottle of muggle cider. “Dare you to poor this bottle over Sirius’ head.”
Sirius leapt up from the sofa, jostling Lily in Remus’ lap and making her side jab into his uncomfortably. “No!” He yelled.
“Yes!” James snatched the bottle from out of Frank’s hands and Sirius legged it away immediately. “Get back here Padfoot!”
They disappeared into he crowd, people making way for them immediately, knowing well enough by now to stay out of the way of them when they looked like they were up to something. Sirius’ shouts of ‘no, Prongsie’ and ‘don’t you dare’ could still be heard over the music and talking even when they were out of sight, making Remus and Marlene laugh together. Lily just rolled her eyes, but Remus thought he saw the beginnings of a smile trying to peek through her blushing face. Maybe it was the alcohol, but sometimes Remus thought that Lily was warming to James.
Suddenly, Benji stood up. “Where are you going?” Mary asked as Benji crossed their circle to sit on the sofa where Sirius had been.
“Legs are hurting,” he said, Remus looked up at Lily, and she stared down at him too. What the fuck? “I’m gonna sit up here.”
Mary looked unsure, glancing between the four of them on the sofa. “Okay…”
Lily and Remus caught Marlene’s glare. He watched her press herself further against the armrest of the sofa, trying to get as far away from Benji as she possibly could. Benji didn’t seem to notice how no one wanted him to be sitting here, instead he took another drag from his bottle, content to just sit and wait for James and Sirius to return. Remus also wanted to shuffle further way from him, not wanting to touch people when he didn’t have a need for it, but he couldn’t with Lily in his lap, and there really wasn’t much room on the sofa to begin with.
James emerged first, and he was sopping wet. He paused for a second, looking at where Benji now sat next to Remus and Marlene. He must have noticed Remus’ uneasy expression, and how Lily was glaring heavily at the side of Benji’s head, and Marlene sitting as far away from him as possible. “Where’s Sirius gonna sit?” he asked,.
Benji scoffed. “I’m sure His Highness can tolerate sitting on the floor with the rest of us commoners.” James’ eyes hardened slightly, as they always did whenever someone insulted Sirius. The other Gryffindors seemed to realise Benji’s mistake, and all looked uneasily between Benji, James and – strangely – Remus, as if he knew what to do in this situation. James sat back down next to Frank, as if he was ready to get up at any second to throw the Ravenclaw out of their common room. He probably was.
“You’re in my seat.” Everyone looked up, and Sirius was stood on the outskirts of their circle, his arms crossed over his front, glaring daggers at Benji.
“My legs were hurting. Hope you don’t mind.” He said cheerfully, and Remus had to admire his confidence – there weren’t a lot of people who would willingly piss Sirius Black off, even fewer who would do it with as little fear as Benji. He’d been better suited for Gryffindor with balls like that, seeing as he clearly didn’t have the brains for Ravenclaw.
“Actually, I do-“ He started.
“Pads, sit here.” Remus cut in, praying that Sirius wasn’t about to start a fight over something as petty as a sofa spot. But, knowing Sirius, that was very likely. And they’d been drinking for the past few hours, so anything was possible, really. Remus just didn’t want to have to put up with the fallout of it; rounding Sirius and James (because of course James would get involved) back up to the dorms, and then have to spend the next two weeks listening to them complain about Benji and have to help them plan petty pranks to get back at him until they forgot and moved on.
Sirius’ habit of picking petty fights was just plain annoying when it was with anyone who wasn’t Remus. He’d once avoided talking to Frank for an entire month because he didn’t use his advice in a quidditch game and Gryffindor ended up losing, a poor first year once stepped on his shoe in the corridor once and then he took to vanishing chunks of her hair whenever he saw her until he was distracted by a third year Slytherin that wanted to ‘prove himself’ by trying to vanish Sirius’ clothes one day at dinner. That boy had bright green hair for the rest of term, and none of the teachers knew how to get rid of it. Ignoring and living with Sirius’ petty little one sided fights took a lot out of Remus, you see. It took all of his will power not to just tell Sirius to get over it. But he’d done that exactly once in first year, and it had not gone down well, so Remus elected not to get in his way when things like that happened.
But it was different when it was Remus that he got pissy with. It was… fun. Meaningless. Neither boy was good at expressing affection towards people, and sometimes it felt like making the other angry was just their way of saying I love you. Even James didn’t understand sometimes why Remus and Sirius got into so many arguments, and it gave Remus a tragic sort of vindication when he could have something with Sirius that James didn’t. Not that he’d ever admit it, obviously.
Remus hadn’t actually expected Sirius to listen to him, when he told him to sit down, but he did. But not without giving him the dirtiest sneer he could muster, and Benji finally had the sense to cower slightly back at it. They stared at each other a little longer before Sirius ended up taking Lily’s empty space on the floor next to the sofa.
The air around them was thick with tension, and Remus wished he could be anywhere else. But he was quite literally trapped, and he could sense that Sirius would do something to Benji if given the chance, and he suspected that James wouldn’t do much to stop him from taking it too far. So, Remus reasoned he had to stay. “Fucking hell, you two.” Lily said after an uncomfortably long silence, clearly trying to bring the mood back up. “Did you fall in the lake or something?”
It had only just registered that both James and Sirius were drenched in water. As in, they genuinely looked like they had both just gone for a swim in the dead of night in mid-autumn. Remus looked at James with a raised eyebrow, what the fuck? He tried to ask, but James just winked at him.
Mary had already spun the bottle, likely trying to end the game as quickly as possible. She kept on sparing glances to Benji, who was not looking at her at all. If Remus were a braver person, he would have dug his elbow into his side and shouted at him to go cheer up his fucking girlfriend, but he said nothing.
When the bottle landed on Mary, she gave a subdued smile and shrugged. “I guess I’ll take a truth.”
“Boo!” Marlene shouted. Remus gave Benji a look when he laughed a little louder than the others.
“Okay, umm…” Lily began, “celebrity crush?”
Mary lit up. “Oh, easy Paul McCartney.”
Lily gasped and leant forward sharply, shifting Remu’s knee as she did so. He winced slightly, sucking in a sharp breath and clenching his fists so as not to make it obvious. “Really?!”
“He said be careful of his knee.” Sirius snapped at Lily under his breath, though not loud enough for her to hear. Remus glanced down at him, to find Sirius was practically seething. He was sprawled out on the floor, taking up as much room as he possibly could while remaining somewhat ‘polite’. Sirius was eyeing Remus’ bad knee, like he was wating for the moment Lily would knock it again.
It amazed Remus sometimes, how Sirius only seemed to acknowledge that Remus was in pain when it was someone else causing it. He’d play rough with Remus the same way he did James and Peter no matter the time of the month. Sure – it hurt sometimes – and maybe it was Remus’ fault for not saying anything, but he didn’t like the idea of Sirius having to censor himself around Remus, knowing that he already did it so much at home. Now that he knew that Lily knew about his lycanthropy, he expected her to always be gentle with Remus, expected her to treat him like glass because now she knew that she should. It was… unexpected. Remus couldn’t comprehend it, but it was almost like Sirius was protective of him (possessive, his brain supplied, but he ignored that notion).
“You know,” Marlene mused, “he does kinda look like Fenwick.”
“Oh my God, I can so see that.” Lily agreed.
“Who are we talking about?” James asked, looking between the three girls.
“Muggle singer.” Lily supplied. “Mary sings their songs all the time.”
Out nowhere, Benji decided to pipe up. “Do you like music, Marlene?”
Marlene looked over at him, her face a combination of confusion, disgust and uneasiness. “Ummm,” she looked down at Mary, who was staring blankly up at her boyfriend. Remus was getting a sick feeling in his stomach, and from the look on Mary and Marlene’s face, they were sharing the same thought as him. “Yeah. I guess…” She answered uneasily.
Thankfully, Alice shouted before things could get anymore awkward. “Next!”
“Can I get off now?” Lily asked quietly.
The other looked at her, remembering that she was still perched on Remus’ lap. “Oh yeah, sure.”
She made to stand up, jolting his knee again, and this time Remus’ couldn’t hide his wince. “Shit, sorry.” She said, laying a hand on it like that would soothe the pain, Remus waved her off, not wanting to draw more attention to himself. Lily took a seat on the other side of Sirius, and Remus didn’t miss the way Sirius – not so subtly – shuffled away from her to press himself against the side of the sofa, getting as close to Remus and as far away from Lily as he could get.
So fucking petty, Remus thought to himself. He’d need to talk him out of hexing Lily in the morning, and tell Lily that she might have accidentally put Sirius in one of his ‘moods’.
“Moony!” James shouted, and Remus looked over, ready to save him from whatever mess he’d gotten himself in in the five seconds he hadn’t been watching. Everyone was already looking at him though. “Truth or dare.” James asked.
Oh. Right, the bottle was pointing at him now. “Truth.”
“Who’s the hottest in our year?” Mary asked him immediately.
Remus froze up. Out of all the questions to ask.
“Er- I…” Think of a girl, any girl. No, not any girl. It has to be a girl that’s pretty. But not too pretty – they have to be a simple kind of pretty. Someone who’s nice, so that they don’t think you’re strange for being attracted to a horrible person. Not a Slytherin. Does he have to be attracted to someone in order to think their pretty, or is this all objective? The question wasn’t about crushes, it was about looks, so did personality actually matter? But Remus never paid any attention to girls apart from his friends. Would they be offended if he said them? Would they think he liked them? He did, but just not like that. He couldn’t say Lily, because people already thought they were dating, and he didn’t want to encourage any more rumours about himself. What girls were in his year? He didn’t know, he paid more attention to the boys- “I don’t really know.” He said before he could finish that thought.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Mary laughed.
Remus gulped, feeling his face heat up. “I mean I’ve never thought about it.”
“Yeah, but you’re not blind.” Marlene supplied. “You can still tell if you think someone’s hot.”
“Okay,” Lily said, “hottest in the circle.”
If he liked women, Remus was sure that he’d kiss Lily right now. That was good, that narrowed his options to… Lily, Marlene, Mary and Alice. He couldn’t say Lily, and he was sure Marlene would never cease to make fun of him he said her. Alice was nice, but he didn’t know her as well, and so finding her hot might be a little awkward for them both… “Mary?” He said finlly.
“Wow, way to make a girl feel special, Remus.” Mary laughed, but Remus could tell she didn’t mean it in a rude way (at least he thought so).
“Sorry.” He said anyway.
She just waved him off. “Don’t be. You’re sweet.”
“Damn, Benji.” Fabien (or was it Gideon?) said. “Looks like everyone wants your girl.”
Mary blushed deeply, smiling. She was about to say something back when Benji scoffed. “They can have her.” He said, then took another swig of his beer.
The smile on Mary’s face immediately dropped. Everyone’s laughter halted, and they turned to Benji. “…What?” She asked quietly.
“I just meant like-“ Benji said, then looked to Remus, who wished the ground would swallow him up right about now. “I don’t blame you. Mary’s hot and-“
“What else?” She asked.
“Hu?”
“What else do you like about me?” Mary askes again sternly. Benji just looked at her like she’d grown another head, mouth hanging open, not even trying to find the words. Remus could sense Sirius straighten up beside him. “Great,” Mary bit out, “well that’s good to know.”
“They just basically said exactly the same thing-“ Benji replied, looking affronted.
“But I know they both don’t just like me for that.”
“I think we should pause the game.” Alice said gently, but Caradoc shook his head. Remus had forgotten he’ was even there. He’d been sitting and watching everything play out in true Ravenclaw fashion. But it seemed now was the moment he decided to step in, seemingly sensing the eminent explosion between Benji and Mary.
“No need, we’ll just go back to Ravenclaw.” He said quickly, getting up and brushing himself down. He walked over to Benji and physically dragged him out of his seat. “It’s getting late now anyway. Thanks for inviting us.” He smiled weakly, and yanked Benji out of the circle as almost everyone traced him with angry eyes.
Benji stumbled as he went, he’d clearly drank way too much, but it seemed he was still lucid enough to wish Marlene a goodnight. “Bye Marlene.” He waved before leaving. Marlene’s eyes bulged out of her head.
“Fuck you, Fenwick!” Mary shouted before he disappeared completely, drawing the attention of the people around her. She drew her knees up to her chest, and Lily shuffled closer to wrap her arm around her shoulder.
“Well, that was something.” Gideon said, then clapped his knees and got up along with his brother, and they wandered away in search of some other form of entertainment, Frank following after them.
Marlene came to sit beside Mary, hugging her as she wiped away an angry tear. “Sorry, Mary.”
“I thought he liked me.” She hiccupped, and Marlene pulled her tighter into her chest. Mary wrapped her arms around her immediately, and Marlene started to stroke her hair.
“Come on,” Lily said gently, Remus could only just hear her over the music. “Let’s go upstairs.”
It took a while for Mary to finally detach herself enough from Marlene to get up. Even when she did, her face never left where it was nestled into Marlene’s shoulder and she guided her away from the boys still sitting on the floor, and up to the girls dormitories.
“Fucking prick.” Sirius seethed.
“Is it just me,” Remus began, wanting to make sure he’d understood everything correctly, “or does Benji… like Marlene?
“Think so.” James nodded.
Sirius kicked the sofa. “Fucking prick!”
“Moony?” Sirius asked late that night. Both James and Peter were already asleep, James having passed out the moment his body hit the bed, and was now snoring softly from across the room. Sirius had tucked him in and drawn his curtains, and Remus joked that he was acting like James’ mother. Peter had already been asleep when they’d reached the dorm, a bucket lying next to his bed in case he needed to throw up again in the night. Remus left one of his bottles of pepper-up on his bedside table for the morning, knowing it would be like hell for him. Remus glanced up when Sirius said his name. They were both sat on their beds, about to close their curtains and (finally) sleep for the night. “Do you really not have a crush on anyone?” Sirius asked, tilting his head like a curious dog.
“Nope.” Remus said immediately.
“But you do find people fit, right?”
“I- I mean,” He stuttered. Why was Sirius asking him this? “Yeah, I guess.” Great job, Lupin. He thought to himself, that sounded really convincing.
“Then why didn’t you answer the question? We wouldn’t have judged you for it.”
If only Sirius knew why. They would have judged him for that, they would have laughed, and left him, and told everyone, and he would be completely alone afterwards. That was why he didn’t answer the question truthfully, that was why he stuttered and froze up and panicked, because the threat of what he was suddenly felt uncomfortably close. “I…” couldn’t say any of this. “I don’t know.”
“Well then who is it?” Sirius asked. Remus didn’t answer again, trying to rake his mind for another girl that was pretty but not too pretty, nice but not annoying, kind but not overbearing- “Come on, you can tell me.” Sirius insisted again. “It’s just us two.”
Remus bit his lip, fending of the desperation to just tell him the truth. “There’s no one in particular.”
“Okay. I can get that.” Sirius said in a way that implied he really didn’t get that, but was going along with it for Remus’ benefit. “But like, objectively. If you had to pick. Who’s the hottest in the year?”
He panicked again, and gave the same answer as earlier. The safe answer. “Mary.”
Sirius groaned and put his head in his hands. “Merlin, Remus.”
“What?” He bit back defensively. “I answered the question, can we drop it now?”
Sirius just looked up at him, clearly pissed off and annoyed about something, “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing!” He said loudly, then remembered their sleeping dormmates and lowered his volume. “Jesus, do you not understand the concept of boundaries?”
“I do, I just don’t get why you don’t trust me enough to tell me-“
“It’s someone from home. Okay?” Remus said quickly, not wanting to even approach the subject of trust. He wanted this conversation over with. He wanted to go to sleep and pretend this entire night had never happened. Every second he was awake the more aware he was. Aware that he was different, that there was this rift between him and everyone else in that party, in this room, in the castle, and it wasn’t just his lycanthropy.
His lycanthropy… that wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t born wrong in that sense, it was thrust upon him, a curse, a burden that he never asked for. But this. It was inevitable – he’d said that to Marcus in their letters. Remus was always destined to be other. Always destined to have something about him that wasn’t quite right, that stopped him from making friends, from trusting, from living. He was destined to be alone.
Sirius didn’t know that, though. He thought he was normal (or as normal as a werewolf could be). What if he found out the truth, and realised how broken Remus really was? He’d abandon him in a heartbeat, and James would follow and so would Peter. So he lied. It was so easy for him to lie, now, even to Sirius, who he always swore to be truthful with. “It’s some muggle… from back home.”
Sirius paused. It clearly wasn’t the answer he expected or wanted. “Okay. That’s all I wanted to know.”
“Can we drop this now?” He asked quietly.
“Sure, Moons.” Sirius said, a little stilted and stiffly. “Happy Hallow’s Eve.” And he tugged the curtains shut, leaving Remus completely alone.