Chapter Text
One would think the distraction of conversation would help rebalance your bolstered qi, but evidently not. The swirling sensations barely ebbed, beginning to feel like a river current flooding your whole torso. Suppressing a wince, you rubbed your inner wrist where he’d touched, heat coalescing in your lower dantian and pulsing in an uncomfortable rhythm. “How much did you give me, sheesh…” you muttered.
Jiang Wanyin was busy smooshing the tiny, foxlike face of a sleepy dog with his thumbs, his motions slowing. After a moment, he said, “Your meridians were putting up some resistance. I had to push through that to replenish your qi.”
It sounded like he was going out of his way not to make excuses, as if even a legitimate reason for having difficulty would give the impression of weakness. Which was ridiculous, because Jiang Wanyin was objectively—
Wait.
“What does it mean to have a protective layer to your qi?” you asked before you could think it through.
Now he lifted his head, openly staring at you. The puppy in his hands did not do the same. Its pointy muzzle was the only part visible, so it could’ve fallen asleep for all you knew; it seemed to have no problem with the firm clasp of Jiang Wanyin’s hands around its face.
“Did someone tell you that?” he asked suspiciously.
You were a bit offended that he asked. Was it really so impossible you had any sense of your own qi?! Sure, you’d gotten that evaluation from Wei Wuxian, but you couldn’t just say that!
“I just, uh,” you racked your brain for an inoffensive explanation that wasn’t a lie, “remember being told that at some point. What you said just now reminded me of it.”
That fluffy white dog returned, pouncing on Jiang Wanyin’s legs and dodging his hand when it got the attention it wanted. He glanced at the playful pup for a second, but didn’t really, properly take his eyes off you. It was kind of making you nervous.
“What?” you said after a while, taking a half-asleep puppy into your lap and rubbing its little head. Oh stars, it was licking your hand, you were going to explode. “It’s not a weird thing, right? It didn’t sound like it was… Should I be worried?”
Shaking his head, Jiang Wanyin laid his hands to rest on his knees as if to close off his dog petting services. Obviously, this did not deter the swarm of puppies even a little bit.
“The strength of a cultivator’s defenses depends on the individual and how much they’ve practiced,” he muttered, almost talking it through to himself. “If you’ve been given that analysis, it must be significant. Especially at your level.”
All you could do was listen to him and feel a bit lost. Was he trying to convince himself of something? You couldn’t help but interject, “Is it really that unheard of?”
He shook his head again, hands relaxed on his lap with suspicious composure. “It would explain why your healing is so accelerated,” he mused. “But it didn’t take too much effort to channel my qi into your meridians, even after the initial resistance.”
You tried very hard not to let your qi evaporate all the grass in a two-meter radius. Wei Wuxian had also mentioned something about the gate of life and serious trust. “Don’t think about it too much,” you said weakly. And to ensure he didn’t, you leaped to add, “Does that mean I have protection from, like, getting possessed and stuff?”
As another puppy tumbled into Jiang Wanyin’s lap, he gave it a rough stroke along its spine before fiddling with his ring. “That’s something we would have to test,” he replied instead of saying something straightforward like I don’t know. “The only reliable ways to avoid possession are an artifact like a clarity bell…”
Unconsciously, he touched the light purple sash on his disguise-robes, where you realized he must usually wear one of those clarity bells. Your observation skills were shaky at best when you weren’t actively paying attention, so you took a mental note to take a look when you saw him next. That seemed like something he wouldn’t just leave at home, though—maybe he was wearing it beneath his clothes, like your own belt.
Now that you thought about it, where was his sword, too…?
An odd little cough from his direction made you zone back in, and you genuinely couldn’t tell if the sound had come from Jiang Wanyin or the short-haired dog licking its own nose in his lap.
“Or,” he continued, “very particular rituals. Regardless, since we’re acquainted, you wouldn’t have to worry about possession for very long. Zidian can eject any spirit possessing someone’s body with a single hit.”
It was cute how obviously proud he was, practically boasting about his spiritual weapon. Smiling fondly, you allowed yourself some warmth in the implication that he felt positively enough toward you to offer protection. Sure, it was unlikely he’d allow any civilian to remain possessed once brought to his attention, but he’d still said it of his own volition!
“So,” you said, “I still don’t really get it. What does a 'protective layer' actually mean?”
After the question was repeated, Jiang Wanyin returned to his senses from whatever thoughtful reverie he’d entered. “It just means your qi has stronger resistance to external influences. The noteworthy part,” he added, because he couldn’t just let you have a win, “is that your internal functions are ascension-level.”
“Huh. That sounds kinda impressive,” you remarked, but in an “I don’t know what that means” way rather than a conceited one.
Jiang Wanyin looked at you dryly. “Like I said, there probably isn’t a cultivator alive who can match your healing factor.” He took hold of your wrist again, and you suppressed a ridiculous smile as his fingertips traced down the connected meridian, spreading pleasant chills. As if it had been waiting for him, your unsettled qi quelled, following his motions back and forth, up your arm, down again, a rope swing on a spring afternoon. “If you built your cultivation properly, you could stop wasting your damn potential. Though, your chance at becoming one of the strongest is long past.”
It sounded like a joke, even if his delivery held no humor. Laughing a bit, you said, “I was never destined to be strong. I just don’t want to get hurt.”
Hearing yourself say it, maybe that was foolish. Nobody wanted to get hurt; you’d unconsciously centered your cultivation around it, that was all.
Rolling his eyes so hard they could’ve popped right out to become the roaming puppies’ next fetch toys, Jiang Wanyin dug at you for the dozenth time. “You have no ambition at all, and you wonder why your cultivation is so weak.”
“The spot for my teacher is still very unoccupied,” you pressed.
He looked away. The sounds of the tumbling and yipping dogs seemed to grow louder just from the absence of your voices, and it gave you the space to think, Ah, that’s a lie. Wei Wuxian was going to be a cultivation teacher of sorts—just not directly for your spiritual energy. You wouldn’t mind learning more from Wei Wuxian, but if you could someday convince Jiang Wanyin to give you real lessons…
One of his hands was still occupied holding yours, the other resting just below the pulse point on your wrist. With his refusal to look you in the eye, it was hard to tell if he even remembered he was touching you. Assuming that lack of awareness was the only thing keeping him from letting you go, you remained motionless, though uncertain where to look. At the puppies? At his face? At the slivers of contact that you felt in your stomach, filling you like a meal for which your hunger had long since become a part of you?
One of the puppies off to the sidelines, playing by itself, chomped on its tail and made a shrill yelp. Both of you jolted, turning your surprised gazes toward it. Eager to avoid your offer yet again, Jiang Wanyin dropped your hand, a loss felt twice over, and shifted to his knees. He picked up the puppy without hesitation, stroking his fingers along the length of its tail to soothe it. Watching the careful way he touched the whining puppy until its tail finally resumed its excited wiggles, a curious ache lit itself in your heart.
“Do you have your own dog?” you asked. He glanced up at you, moving to quietly scratch between the puppy’s ears as it gnawed on his sleeve. “Jin Ling has Fairy. I mean Jin-zongzhu. But, y’know, I’ve been at Lotus Pier a couple times but haven’t seen any dogs. So…?”
Jiang Wanyin looked down at the pup in his hold, quiet for long enough that you wondered if he’d answer.
“Dogs weren’t allowed in Lotus Pier for a long time,” he said finally. “It’s become habit.” His eyes were downcast, frown deepening as if he wanted to say something else but would rather plant his face in the dirt than elaborate.
The only reason you made the instant connection was because you’d already been thinking about Wei Wuxian today. “But you like dogs, don’t you?” you pressed, feeling a squeeze in your throat for the knowledge that you were asking this in bad faith. “Why were they even banned? It’s not a problem anymore, right?”
“Just shut up,” he snapped, patience finally worn to the bit. The space around his hand crackled, and the dog in his tight grip wriggled around and licked at his sparking ring. Based on how the pup didn’t recoil in pain, freely slobbering all over his knuckles, Jiang Wanyin’s spiritual weapon couldn’t hurt anything by accident… probably. “What does it matter to you?”
For some reason, this was what pushed you to a loss of words. “Because…”
You hesitated, his glare impatient. Telling him that you’d met Wei Wuxian was a surefire way to never see Jiang Wanyin again. But it wasn’t just that you wanted him to admit he still cared about his shixiong.
“I think it’s important to surround yourself with things you like,” you said after a long pause. He looked at you mutely, his expression slowly relaxing into something more neutral. Unable to muster the will to smile, you took a guess with one eye open and added, “You’re the sect leader now. If you want a dog, you should have one.”
At this, his lips parted for a mere moment before his jaw tightened. Everything in him was resisting—you could see it. And how you longed to pin him in place and touch every spot of tension from the outside in, forcing him to realize he deserved good things. You didn’t know why exactly he didn’t allow this for himself, but if he even took his days off in secret, what did his life really look like?
Sure enough, he said what you thought he would: “I’m too busy to take care of an animal.”
This time, you didn’t bother hiding your sigh. “I’m sure you are,” you said resignedly.
The itch to touch him only grew. Eyes trained on his hand buried in dog fur, you pushed yourself onto your knees, shuffled gracelessly to his side, and plopped back down. He scowled at you but didn’t protest, his arms around the few puppies on his lap.
Lifting one hand, you moved slowly enough that he could stop you before you touched down on the leftmost puppy’s flank. Instead of rejecting, he watched wordlessly, letting you pet the excitable dog in his lap as it squirmed around and flopped its tongue out. He even joined you, idly playing with a curly lock of the middle puppy’s chocolate-brown pelt.
And so, with great intent, you knocked your hand into his, lightly, your ring and pinky fingers overlapping for a brief moment.
He froze as if he never saw this coming. You were helpless but to smile, wondering if he’d ever catch on—any excuse at all would be enough to go in for a touch. It was just something you wanted, even if you could only get it in the smallest doses. Like eating a bowl of rice grain by grain; it would still equate to a bowl, but you would hunger unless your stomach was filled all at once.
Even though you’d done it on purpose, you didn’t know what to expect. Maybe for him to flinch away, or to snap at you again.
But he remained frozen, staring down at the place your hands touched for one heartbeat, two.
Three.
Four.
And then his arm jerked away, pulling his hand with it. His cheeks were ruddy, his mouth pressed into a tight frown, fist clenched where it hovered uselessly in the air. Heart thudding, you observed him in his surprise, nearly forgetting to breathe as your eyes fixed on his handsome face. His bangs were loose to his shoulders, the portion of hair pulled back lending a youth to him that you abruptly realized was undone by the tension that seemed to seize every part of him.
When cultivators surpassed a certain threshold, their bodies were preserved in their prime. But Jiang Wanyin’s attitude aged him somehow, the permanent pinch in his brow, and that prim bun he always wore…
Right now, wearing that lost expression, he seemed barely older than a child.
In the end, he didn’t mention it. Being ignored only rose within you that fire to touch again, touch more, but you had to settle a lid over the pan before you could burn him.
He wouldn’t accept it. He wouldn’t accept it.
“Jiang Wanyin,” you said, because it was all you could do. “You deserve things that make you happy.”
He tensed, but didn’t look up. “I know that.”
You didn’t have as much control as you thought you did.
“Do you?”
A rhetorical question. His hand was on the grass. You reached for it.
This time, he withdrew, your fingertips skimming his knuckles as his hand retreated. You didn’t try your luck again.
That was fine. If it meant he knew you wanted that closeness with him, whatever it entailed, you could endure the small rejection. At least he’d seen.
To spare him the need to respond, you redirected. “Do you like any of the puppies?” you asked as one went out of its way to trip over your arm. “Any gotten attached to you?”
Whether Jiang Wanyin caught on or not, he took the bait without hesitation. “No,” he said, but he sounded distracted. A second later he paused, eyes flicking to you, then averting again. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Are you lying to me?”
He scowled. “Why would I lie?”
“To avoid emotional vulnerability,” you said frankly, then plowed on. “Seriously, I wanna know. How often do you come here? What do you do? Tell me about the dogs. I’ll buy one for you if you want.”
“I don’t need you to buy a dog for me!”
Frustration seeped from his tone like fruit juice between the knuckles. Mouth quirked, you replied, “That’s not the point. If you come around and ‘help the dogs’ with your super strong qi and whatnot, then you get to know them, right?”
Nudging a few puppies until they tottered out of the way on their stubby little legs, you rolled onto your stomach. A grunt escaped you as your chest squished uncomfortably against the ground, and you adjusted yourself a bit, annoyed at the existence of breasts. Well, annoyed at the ones that existed on your body. Once satisfied, you propped your elbows on the grass and leaned your chin in your hands, making eye contact with a comically furious Jiang Wanyin.
“I wanna know which are your favorites,” you announced, legs kicking in the air. “Tell me?”
Lips pursed, the muscle in his jaw worked soundlessly, and you imagined the clacking and grinding of his teeth. Just how pent up was this guy? He should let you help with that sometime. Heh.
“Today,” he said haltingly, “is my first time meeting with this group of puppies.” Hearing this, you realized with a start that he hadn’t condescended to use such a cutesy term as “puppy” before. You were instantly obsessed. “I’m familiar with some of the older dogs, but I…”
This was an obvious sort of hesitation: he wasn’t sure whether to divulge more information to you.
As was your strategy with most conversations, you remained quiet and attentive, waiting for him to choose what to say in his own time.
Your patience paid off; Jiang Wanyin eyed you for a long moment, then continued. “I only come twice a year. This business partnership,” you tried so hard not to roll your eyes, “began hardly a few years ago. At my nephew’s prompting,” he added with a mutter.
Ooh, there was a story there. Every bone inside you itched to know, but you resigned yourself to ignorance.
Jiang Wanyin idly brushed at a floating piece of dog fluff in the air, zapping it into dust with his magic ring. Suddenly you were jealous of inanimate dog fur. “Anyhow, I don’t have the time to spare for an animal,” he echoed his previous point. “It’s enough to visit the dogs here on occasion.”
Very politely ignoring how these sounded like excuses, you pressed your lips together to suppress a grin. “So what I’m hearing is, you do have favorites—they’re just not in this room.”
That earned you a glare, but it felt halfhearted. “Dogs with more training are naturally easier to work with,” he said stuffily, which was not a denial.
Pushing yourself vertical, you grabbed the front paws of the nearest puppy trying to jump on you, making it fake-dance, to its delight. “What do you do with the older dogs?” you asked curiously. A few ideas came to mind, but for all you knew, he just showed up every time more puppies were born, then dipped for the next six months.
The corners of Jiang Wanyin’s mouth did a funny little something as you shuffled the puppy back and forth like a tiny dancer. That, too, you would pretend was an almost-smile.
“Cultivators need spirit dogs to be held to high standards,” he said, noticeably reaching for the paws of the dog currently chewing on his sash. “I simply check in to make sure they’re being trained right.”
The puppy on his lap stretched with a big yawn as he gently squeezed and massaged its paws between his thumb and forefinger. Jiang Wanyin glanced up at you, his expression hard to read. Feeling a bit self-conscious, you released the tiny paws in your grasp and resumed petting puppies the normal way.
Was he ready to kick you out now? It hadn’t even been an hour…
“It’s not like you’d know how well-trained spirit dogs are,” he said, his words speeding up. “How would you? You barely know how to cultivate. Pei Yi certainly wouldn’t have shown you around properly, so I…”
Instead of finishing the sentence, his glare just deepened, as if lowering his brows physically into his eyeballs would communicate his intentions. Like you even knew which of the shelter’s staff Pei Yi was!
When you kept quiet and slowly grinned at him, he seethed, saying through gritted teeth, “I will show you. How spirit dogs are properly trained.”
Roughly pushing off the ground, Jiang Wanyin stood and was promptly accosted by a barrage of puppies from the knee down. Laughter burst from you, looping your arms around two oblivious dogs who were more interested in chewing on your robes than his.
“Get up,” he barked.
“I’m not laughing at you!” you exclaimed, since he definitely assumed so. “You—this is just so cute!”
Someday! Someday you’d be able to call him cute to his face!
Nonetheless, you got to your feet and picked up a doggie while you were at it. The tiny creature’s leggies kicked as it squirmed, and you hoisted it against your chest with your hands wrapped around its rib cage, supporting most of its weight on your breast like a shelf. You released half your grip and used one forearm like a fence to keep the animal from falling off your chest. Once somewhat settled, the puppy wriggled and licked at your face, making you laugh and turn your head away so it only got your cheek.
A firm hand grabbed your wrist, and you jerked your head up to see Jiang Wanyin standing right in front of you, glaring up a storm. “Has no one taught you how to carry an animal?” he chastised. “You support under their legs, or it’s uncomfortable for them.”
Without waiting for permission, he touched your elbow, guiding it back until the puppy’s hind legs were in your gentle grasp, its stubby tail wiggling excitably in the air. The hand you were using to support its flank was nudged by Jiang Wanyin to support the cooperative pup’s sternum from under its arms. His hand covered yours entirely—it would be so easy to angle yourself a little bit and let his fingers slip between yours.
This was a more natural position to hold the little dog, you supposed… but most of your attention was on the myriad of contradictions this man had shown you today alone. Yelling and snapping at the slightest mistake from you, but showing the way with such a caring hand, scowling the whole time. Each moment of pushing his boundaries, he met you with hesitation before the rejection.
What did he want? How far could you push Jiang Wanyin? And when he broke, would he cut you to pieces, or would you see what he kept inside that heart of his?
This was no time to get lost in thought when the guy was literally right in front of you. His shoulder was at eye level, close enough that you felt even smaller than usual when faced with his tall, broad frame. It was a good feeling. Tilting your head up, you made eye contact for approximately one second before he looked away. Certainly not to hide his reddened cheeks like a coward.
“Maybe you should show me how to put this little guy down,” you suggested, just to make him look at you again.
It worked—at least, his head twitched to the side as if considering it. Taking the mile from his inch, you shuffled into the extra space until your arms bumped into his, offering out the dog to him. He took the canine as if caught off guard, bracing under its weight a bit jerkily as his arms curved into the perfect position to hold the tiny creature. A natural caretaker.
These moments of the barest touch scorched you beneath the skin where he couldn’t see. You really had to keep yourself in check or you’d get too greedy; it didn’t seem like he knew what his own boundaries were, but you still didn’t want to cross them.
Taking a step back, you gestured for him to proceed, doing a poor job of keeping a neutral face. Eyes dark with some foreign emotion, Jiang Wanyin bent at the knee, crouching low to the ground as he guided the puppy’s hind legs to touch the grass, then allowed its front paws to settle on the ground. The moment the little pup regained its bearings, it zipped off to bowl directly into another pair of doggies play-fighting. You covered your mouth with your sleeve to hold back a snort of laughter as it turned into a three-way brawl, the yips and snarls so high-pitched that you couldn’t take them seriously.
A hand closed around your bicep, and you were very proud not to blink twice when Jiang Wanyin dragged you off toward the exit of the arena.