Chapter Text
Mother arrived today. It was strange watching her get out of the car with only a small bag, despite the fact that we all were originally intending to stay through the new year. I was unable to get a moment alone with her, so I will attempt once more after dinner. I on the other hand packed enough clothes to last me until Judgement Day.
Father of course was unhappy, but much like myself was unable to speak with her more privately, and he detests making any sort of scene in front of Paul. It’s the worry that these sorts of problems should be kept within the family, and while Father might trust Paul as a research assistant he does not trust him to keep quiet about internal family matters. And it is a concern I very much share with him, something that I have made mention of. I do not understand why he wished to have a research assistant in the first place anyway, for he has Alex who does all the work for room and board and protection from reality. What a sheltered boy, he would not last long outside of the walls Father has built. Too naive, too soft. He likes his books, and Father indulges him, though I haven’t the faintest idea of why. He is a liability. Perhaps Father is keeping him as a potential vessel for Randel’s spirit, should we successfully commune with the other side? He so often is thinking farther ahead than I can even comprehend. I fear I will always be striving one step behind him in the field of strategy, though at least I know that there are those who are far behind me as well.
And if nothing else, Father knows that I am closer than all the rest. Otherwise he would not have named me his heir.
Oh the look on Alex’s face when he was informed of that. I shall never forget the day though I know I often reminisce about it within these pages, it is always a point of victory for me to think about. I won, I made Father proud as Mother wanted. We shall never have to worry about finances like those days long ago when I was young, before I was presented to Father as a different man’s son, though even then I knew the truth. “It is easier to explain a prodigy than a bastard.” Mother always said and she was quite right too. Had I been declared for, as I truly am, Father would have been under scrutiny for a bastard. Always a scandal. For him however to take a dead man’s son under his wing, now that is something to be lauded and to be celebrated. Being given the Burgess name, but keeping Dee, now that too shows recognition and respect to this fictitious sire. I am not the greedy one in their eyes anymore.
I think Alex will always see me as the usurper, despite the fact that his own incompetence has damned him in our Father’s eyes more than anything I could do. It’s pathetic really how he clings to me as the reason for his failures.