Work Text:
Sleepless nights. Snapping under stress. Self-destructive behaviors. And finally…breakdown.
Sun recognized the signs. Of course he did. He’d experienced them himself. And now, now, here he was, listening to his brother sob inside of his room as New Moon crumbled at last under the pressure of it all.
The weight of his predecessor’s legacy.
Sometimes…it was hard to remember that the New Moon had only been alive for a year. He was a year old. Sure he was programmed as an adult but that didn’t mean that he came programmed with the ability to regulate his emotions and feelings. How to handle stress and strain and, even though Solar had been brought back now, it didn’t mean that the stress was all over.
There was still Ruin and the Creator to worry about.
So much for his poor brother and- and Sun didn’t know how he could help him.
He had so many- so many things that held him back from being able to help. All of them, though, had one key root that had burrowed deep into his heart.
Old Moon.
His beloved twin, his brother, his abuser.
The one who had sacrificed himself for Kill Code, who ended up dying anyway.
The one who locked him up when he was in the middle of a mental health crisis.
The one who'd ridiculed him, made fun of him, verbally abused and yelled at him, and even hit him more than once. Even with a damn stick.
As if intentionally physically torturing him when they'd first met hadn’t been enough.
Sun listened to his brother’s cries, and he heard Solar speaking softly, so sweetly, to him.
“It’s okay, baby. Let everything out. Remember, you're breathing too fast, and you're not running out of air. You can breathe, you can breathe, you just gotta take it nice and slow, that's all. You're doing so, so good. I'm so proud of you.”
“I-I’m s-s-sorry,” gasped Sun's poor brother, clutching his love's daycare t-shirt tightly, as if Solar was his last lifeline.
Sun supposed that, in a lot of ways, Solar was his brother’s lifeline. The one to keep him grounded in reality. The one to keep him from doing something stupid when Eclipse first returned after Christmas. And Sun was so, so grateful to his brother-in-law. He would forever be indebted to Solar for giving New Moon the love and support that he desperately needed.
The love and support Sun couldn't provide.
But Moon needed him. He needed that support.
Yet Old Moon was the barrier that stood between him and his brother and Sun being able to give him the support he needed. Sun, however…had an idea.
He knew what he needed to do to get himself and his own mental health back on track so that he could give his twin everything he needed.
He had to see Old Moon.
He had to- to talk to him.
Sighing silently, Sun turned, leaving his brother in Solar’s capable hands. He had a Golden Bear to see.
It took little time to teleport to Golden Freddy’s home. It took nearly as little to creep around back to where the vortex of magic stood, swirling with ancient power. He had no doubt that Golden knew he was here. That bear always knew everything.
The sight of the magic pool reminded him of Old Moon’s mana pool. The one he had…
Because of the loss of his magical pool, his brother hadn’t been able to be saved. It had been all his fault…
He had been so determined to protect Old Moon for a change that he had set into motion the dominoes that had killed him.
The spirit orbs swirled around the vortex, almost leading him towards the center with a sound like a sigh.
Sun himself took a deep sigh before he sat down in the center. The feel of Golden’s magic was warm, almost solid against him like a sheet caught in a breeze, brushing his casings.
He thought about what he should say once he saw his brother again. And he couldn't help but feel a little bitter.
So much pain, so much trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma. So many red flags that Sun had ignored in favor of Old Moon's love.
But, was it truly love, if there was so much fear attached to it? Hell, was their brotherly relationship even real?
Sun couldn't help but wonder if it was actually a trauma bond. A bond between an abuser and his victim, playing ‘family’ in a desperate attempt to ignore the ugliness of their relationship, to ignore the bad things that had happened and just be ‘happy.’
Looks like Sun was going to find out.
“Sun?”
Sun's heart skipped a beat. A multitude of emotions hit him, and he clenched his knees.
Part of him, a part of himself that Sun hated, wanted to hide, to curl up or start running.
But, Sun didn’t do that. He stayed strong, shoving the onslaught of all too familiar dread flooding through him to the back of his mind as he slowly turned around.
Crimson optics that he had once known as well as his own, through all of the extremes of emotion they displayed, looked at him with utter surprise. There, only a meter or two away…was his brother.
They were on a tropical island reminiscent of one he remembered from an old Kingdom Hearts game. All around them, the breeze was warm and the sun seemed to be just beginning to set on the horizon, deep reds and oranges blanketing the sky.
The sound of birds was all around and there was- ugh- sand beneath his feet.
He hated sand.
Almost as much as he hated having to be here.
His brother looked the same as the very last moment he had seen him. When- when he had trapped him in his own hell.
Tiny invisible walls closing in. The silence, only his own frantic breathing and the cackles of his own crimson madness cutting through the press of it. The only thing to see was a wide, wide mirror that he had once been so proud of having hung on his own for them to use, now turned into a tool of torment where all he could see was his own terror and betrayal and tears.
He breathed out a shaky sigh to steady himself.
A deep breath in as if he were smelling a luscious chocolate chip cookie. A slow breath out as if he were blowing out a candle.
"Hi, Moony.” He whispered softly, his words almost stolen away by the breeze and by the sound of the nearby surf.
The faceplate he had once thought he’d known so well tilted, a frown on his face.
“Something’s different about you, brother. I can’t quite put my finger on it…” He hummed, staring at Sun with narrowed eyes as if he could somehow see through him to his insides and suss out what had changed.
Sun grimaced.
Of course he seemed different. He was different. He’d lost so much…but he’d gained so much too.
"Has something happened?” Old Moon asked at last, seeming to let the mystery go for the moment.
Just like he always did when something was ailing Sun. It had never been important enough to pay much attention to. How long had it even taken Moon to realize that Eclipse was taking Sun over? He was supposed to be the genius, after all. That was what everyone had always said. As if they took pleasure in shoving the fact that Sun was the stupid one in his face. Moon certainly had.
"I came to talk to you actually. It’s about, well…you. New you. New Moon.”
Moon looked surprised, but not concerned. That was something that always bothered Sun: how his twin never showed concern for others. He always seemed to just brush problems off as if they weren’t really anything to worry about.
“What about him? Er, the new me?”
Sun looked at the sandy ground in shame.
"He's suffering. Everything that's been happening- Solar’s death- er, we got him back, by the way- and Ruin and the Creator…it's all weighing on him so, so heavily. He's breaking down…and I ignored the obvious signs at first. I didn't want to see my brother breaking down again, but- but fuck.”
Sun buried his face into his hands.
“I-I’m scared he's starting to think that killing is the only solution. To deal with our problems…just like I was during my mental breakdown. And- and I don't want that for him. I couldn't even protect Lunar from going through the same thing because he ended up killing Eclipse, who, of course, just can't stay dead and came back anyway!”
Sun's shoulders shook. God. He really had been failing his brothers, hadn’t he? Lunar was only a few months away from turning two years old, and he had to endure so much already. Sun found himself mourning the sweet little boy Lunar once was. He couldn’t even prevent Lunar from experiencing the same trauma as him!
Lunar was just a baby. He should be enjoying toys and snack times and playing games like he used to. Not- not constantly looking over his shoulder so he could not die again.
"That’s…a lot. But there’s not really anything I can do about all of that. I’m dead, remember?” Moon pointed out, as if it were the most obvious thing and that Sun was being entirely foolish by even coming here. As if he were taking up Moon’s valuable time by talking about his feelings.
Just like he always had.
‘ That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.’
‘You’re the dumb one. Compared to Moon and Eclipse, we’re the dumb ones.’
Sun felt his faceplate ‘tick’ to the side with an audible sound, the only external indication of his building frustration and anger. The behavior drew Moon’s attention with an expression of intrigue and he started to watch Sun in a way that made him feel like one of his specimens in his lab.
It only made him angrier.
The Sun that Old Moon knew cowered and cringed from conflict. He accepted whatever abuses were thrown at him under the thinly veiled lie of ‘love’.
But he wasn’t that Sun anymore. He’d had to step up as the older sibling when Old Moon died, guide New Moon and Lunar and the newly arrived Earth. He’d had to be the support for his family when Solar had died.
Sun did not cringe away and cower anymore.
“You’re the same as Eclipse, you know.” Sun whispered out at last, his voice turned disappointed and even slightly disgusted.
Moon’s eyes flashed in warning but he was just so tired of being afraid of his brother. He’d been terrified of him for so long. No more. Not when he had a real brother who needed him now. Not now when their family was counting on him. He could weather the storm of Old Moon’s anger because they were the port that offered his tender heart shelter and safety.
"Excuse me? Care to repeat that, Sunny?”
Moon’s voice was cold and his anger brewed beneath.
"You are the same as Eclipse.” Sun said louder, more confidently, and Moon was surprised to see a glare on his twin’s faceplate that was, for once, leveled at him, “Cold. Uncaring about others except for how it affects you. Self-centered. The only real thing you’ve ever done for someone else that didn’t benefit you in some way was saving Kill Code! And he wasn’t even your brother, your twin! I was!”
Moon stared at him, wide-eyed.
But the shock on his face was replaced with a look of annoyance and a scoff.
"He changed, Sun. He changed, and I wanted to do something right for once-”
“ ‘He changed.’ ” Sun mocked, his lips peeled back in a snarl. “Yeah, Kill Code changed a little, but he just went to the woods with an RV and a dog, started working in soup kitchens, and he didn’t even have the decency to come back once and apologize to Lunar for torturing him for twelve fucking hours straight!”
Sun stood up, feeling the rage, the hurt, the resentment- all of it, bubbling up to the surface. And he didn't want to stop it.
“That’s another thing! When Kill Code had taken over your body and started torturing our baby brother, you didn't do a damn thing. You just sat there, in that stupid Kingdom Hearts esque castle, hating yourself and moping around when Lunar was probably scared shitless!”
“Sun-”
“Hell! You didn't even talk to me about adopting Lunar as our little brother. I love Lunar so much, but you just said ‘he's our brother now’ when I was literally in the middle of fighting for my life. You didn't even bother talking to me about it afterwards! You just expected me to embrace him immediately, when I was traumatized by not being able to move my own body for an entire month while Eclipse trapped me in my own goddamm head! I grew to adore Lunar eventually, yes, but you still didn't do anything to help us get used to each other or bond more. You were too busy hunting down Eclipse’s backups and distracting Lunar with mobile games to even ask how I'd feel about adopting Lunar!”
Moon’s anger was growing visible in his body posture now, his form tensing and his hands forming into tight fists. What had once been Sun’s cue to back down, to apologize, to hide, was no longer the fright it used to be.
“Oh, poor Sunny! Do you need me to hold your fucking hand to make friends too?! God, even the children in the daycare can do that without help!” He hissed angrily, voice dripping with derision.
Sun scoffed, actually scoffed in the face of Moon’s anger.
Two years ago, he would have never had the courage to do that.
"Lunar and I became brothers in spite of you, Moon. You wanted to do something ‘right for once’ but you know what? None of it was for the people who needed it the most. None of it was for the ones who mattered the most! Who depended on you! And guess what?! Kill Code died anyways!” Sun growled.
Moon had always put everyone else first. Even when he had claimed that he was doing it for Sun…he had always been an afterthought. Moon had never really put Sun’s feelings before other people’s even on the rare occasion that he did take into account someone else’s emotions other than his own. Just like he had put Kill Code first, uncaring of how it would affect Sun in the long run. Sure, Moon had known he would grieve for him but…
Perhaps he just expected Sun to get over things as easily as he did.
‘Get over it, Sun. You’re such a cry baby.’
‘You and your precious robotic emotions!’
The words still stung even now. Just like the memory of the punches that Moon had left on him then did.
"Shut up, Sun. You don’t- you don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“I was there, Moon! I have a pretty damn good idea what I’m talking about! I was there for every moment! And I was there after, for the fallout of it all! You got to go to your stupid afterlife beach vacation while I got to pick up the pieces of the mess you made! The bulk of our problems, the people who have tried to kill us? That was because of choices that you made! Eclipse was only a thing because of you!”
His brother’s rage was beginning to spike but Sun stood tall in the face of it. He wouldn’t back down. Not anymore.
“I said shut up!” Moon snarled and, before Sun had even registered what was happening, a navy fist came out of nowhere…only to phase right through him.
Just like back in the bunker…Moon had hit him. Or tried to at least.
The two looked at each other, both equally as shocked. Both equally as surprised by their actions.
“Sometimes…sometimes I wonder if you really loved me at all, you know.” Sun felt the heat of his anger drain as the words spilled out of his voice box.
Moon slowly withdrew his fist, letting his arm dangle at his side.
“I-I’m sor-”
“Don't.” Sun said simply, raising his hand to silence his twin. “Don't.”
“Sun, please, I'm sorry!”
"Are you?” Sun asked, his cerulean optics burning into supposedly regretful red ones. “Are you really sorry? For everything? For not doing the things you should have done? For not being there for me and Lunar, for using me as a Guinea pig for your little experiments with the portal? For all the times you've insulted me, for making fun of me, for constantly laying your emotional baggage on me, for tearing me down until I broke? We were supposed to be brothers. You promised me that you'd change, but you just stopped physically torturing me. You didn’t change. You just gave me false hope. Honestly…I don’t even know if our brotherhood was even real. If- if you were just trying to ease your guilt by making nice, if you loved me as much as you say you do. Killing Blood Moon broke me…and your solution was putting me in a box so I hopefully wouldn't go about killing someone else or even myself.”
Moon winced at the reminder of that time. Of all the times that came before that time.
‘I’m going to make your life a living hell!’
And he had, hadn’t he? Even after they had become brothers instead of enemies…he had made Sun’s life hell.
"I was hallucinating Blood Moon and you trapped me in a tiny space with only my nightmares. I was terrified, Moon. I needed you. I needed my brother, not to be locked up like some feral animal.” Sun said softly, his own expression turning gentle at the sight of his once-brother’s mounting look of regret and guilt.
"I- I-...Sunny-” Moon’s voice was small and tight in the face of all of his mistakes. Not even all of them. He had allowed others to do shitty things to Sun too. He’d allowed Monty to use and do mean things to Sun as well. To put him down and continue on his mistreatment even after he was gone, “You’re right…I-I’m sorry, Sun. I’m- I’m so sorry. I… I treated you terribly. I was- i was hoping that when you had a new brother-”
"I didn’t want a new brother, Moon…I just wanted to be loved by the one I had.” Sun sighed at last, shaking his head.
It was sad, really. It was only after he was dead, after it was too late, that Moon came to recognize all of the wrongs he had committed. That he could see the damage that he had done after it was too late to make it right.
Moon’s face was now of utter agony. His hands, no longer clenched into fists, were shaking. Tears, transparent and not holding any solid form, fell down his cheeks, and his breaths were shaky. He was desperately trying not to cry, but he did anyway.
And Sun could only watch. He couldn’t physically comfort Moon anymore, even if he wanted to.
So he stayed. Letting Moon know that he was there for him, even if he couldn't do anything.
He felt a few tears slip down his face as well. He was grieving for what could have been. Grieving a happy relationship that they never even had in the first place.
And so, they stayed there for a while, grieving together.
Eventually, though, the tears stopped.
Sun sat down, and, eventually, Moon did, too.
“S-so…what happens now?” Moon whispered, staring off into the sunset, Sun also gazing upon the ethereal beauty.
Sun paused, considering his words.
“I…I can't say that I forgive you.” He said softly. Moon only sniffled in response. “You…you hurt me, Moon. I can't deny it anymore. You hurt me. Maybe one day I will learn how to forgive you, and when my time comes, we can be brothers again, but…but right now, New Moon is hurting. I have been acting like a coward, afraid of history repeating itself and not being there for our family when I should have been. I have to apologize and make up for it. I can't let him break like I did. I just can't.”
Moon stared at him for a long time, his crimson optics rimmed with clear crystalline tears.
“I’m… I’m proud of you, Sunny. You’re really stepping up, aren’t you? You’re- you’re taking care of our family the way I should have.” He admitted quietly.
The fact that Sun had been forced into that position because of his own choices was all too clear to Moon now. He thought that by giving Sun a new, better, kinder version of himself, that it would end the negative influence that he had brought to his brother’s life. But it hadn’t, had it? The horrible things he had done and the mistakes he’d made had lingered on even after his death.
He was responsible for New Moon too in a way, wasn’t he? Surely that meant that- that he should try to make sure that he was okay? He could help Sun with this one last thing. He could make at least one thing right.
He owed them both at least that much. Sun was having to juggle so much. He was the head of their family now, wasn’t he?
The oldest of everyone now.
Even Eclipse and Blood Moon had been remade since this had all begun…
Sun was really the only original Celestial left.
The thought made Moon incredibly sad.
“What…what can you do for him? To make it better?” He asked at last, looking over at his twin softly. There wasn’t much he could do being dead and all but surely- surely there was something.
Sun thought about it for a long time, tapping his fingers together.
"Well…he likes my cooking. I usually come up with new and fun recipes. But I can probably make him one of his favorites tonight. And…it'd probably make him feel a lot better if I got rid of my wine bottles- it's a long story- and found other ways to cope with everything going on. And I want to help him with getting rid of Ruin. But I don’t know how, or if he’d even let me. He's as stubborn as you when it comes to my safety.”
Moon smiled at that. He, admittedly, was a little concerned about the wine thing, but he figured he should leave that be.
It was honestly sweet how much Sun was willing to take care of their family, especially New Moon. He was almost like a mother looking after their children. Just like he was with the children.
Nurturing and caring. That was what Sunny was to his very core. Moon wished that he'd been like that with him when he had the chance.
“Do you two have access to therapy?” He asked gently. If he could only make a suggestion to help his family, then so be it.
Sun's eyes lit up. “Yes, actually! Our baby sister, Earth, is a therapist…New Moon’s been to her office, but only a couple of times.”
“Consistent therapy sessions. Not every few months, but at least twice a week. I understand that you probably don't want to take up too much of our sister's time, but for New Moon’s sake, he may have to visit her semi-regularly. You, too, especially if you have been drinking wine a lot recently.”
Sun blushed in embarrassment but nodded. Maybe he and New Moon could go to some sessions together even? That sounded…nice.
"I think that’s a solid plan.” He agreed with a solemn nod.
If only they could have gone. But he wasn’t sure Moon would have ever agreed, not while he was still alive. He would have never been able to see past his own pride and biases to admit that they needed to go. It was only now, after his death, that the truth of what he’d done, the monster he’d been, was clear to him.
He’d been just as much of a monster for Sun as Eclipse had been. The realization made him feel sick.
“And just- just be there for him. You’re good at that, Sunny. I’m only sorry that I couldn’t be there for you like you needed…” Moon gave his twin a tiny, self-deprecating smile.
Sun really was the better of the two of them all along, wasn’t he? Even after all of the harm and the wrongs that had been done against him, he rose up over and over again. He never lost his compassion for others. Even now, he was only here to help New Moon.
Like a good brother, he was here to help the brother who actually deserved him.
"You probably should go,” Moon said eventually, his voice soft, despite how part of him didn't want Sun to leave.
Sun's face fell. Despite the anger he'd felt earlier…he still felt attached to Old Moon. He still loved him, even after everything.
“I'll miss you,” the daycare attendant said softly.
“I'll miss you too…but you're right. I did hurt you. We…we have to let each other go. You don't deserve to be stuck with me again. Like you said…when your time comes, maybe we can be brothers again, but right now…we have to be apart.”
God. That hurt like a bitch. Moon didn't want to say it. He wanted Sun to be his brother again more than anything…but right now, they both needed time away from each other in order to heal and grow.
Moon prayed to the gods that it'd be a very, very long time before Sun's time came. He prayed that Sun would live his life the way he wanted before he ever joined him in the afterlife.
That was truly all that Moon had ever wanted. For Sun to live his life. And even though the truth hurt…maybe it at least set Sun's soul free. Free from the pain he'd been harboring from their time together for so long.
Moon got the feeling that was the real reason Sun had come here tonight. Not for advice or even to see him but to make him understand . So that Moon could understand the impact he’d had and that his actions continued to have and frankly…he was glad that Sun had.
"I know that you may not think so and, honestly, you have every right to doubt it because of how- how I treated you and the fucked up things I did but…I do love you, brother. Maybe not in the way you needed or deserved but I did. I still do.” Moon whispered, looking over to Sun with a gentle smile, “And I’m so proud of who you’ve grown into, the person you’ve become. I’m- I’m damn proud to call you my brother.”
Sun’s smile was watery and tremulous, his eyes appreciative and soft.
“I love you too, Moony. I always have and I always will.”
Moon stood and reached out a hand to help his twin up. Helping him to stand on his own two feet.
Just like he should have done from the start, instead of being a stumbling block.
He waved Sun back towards where he had appeared, nodding towards it somewhat cheekily.
“Go on. You have a dinner to make, remember? And appointments to set.”
Sunny snorted, rolling his blue optics fondly.
“Okay, okay…”
He started to step away but Moon called out before he could get far.
“Hey Sunny?”
“Hm?”
“I love you. But…I don’t want to see you for a long, long time, okay?"
I want you to live a long and happy life.
Please don’t let me make you stumble anymore .
Sun’s eyes were filled with love and understanding. Far more love and compassion than Moon himself could have ever held.
Sun’s heart had always been as endless and bottomless as the universe. After all, how many times had he forgiven him over the years?
"I love you too…brother.”
Moon watched him leave.
His heart hurt, knowing that he probably wouldn't see Sun again for many, many years…but at the same time, he knew that it was necessary.
He slowly sat down, looking at the sunset, this time, with a content smile.
He wasn't sure what would happen to his family next, but…
This time, Moon had hope that they'll move forward into a brighter future.
Together.