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Grian likes being around Taurtis more than the others.
Of course, Taurtis is his boyfriend, but Taurtis is also more understanding. He knows more.
When Jimmy reaches out to swing his arm over Grian’s shoulder, he doesn’t miss how Grian flinches. And Grian doesn’t miss how the mood is ruined after that — how Jimmy goes quiet and stares at him in concern.
Taurtis gets it. He does the same thing, so, when he moves too quickly and Grian winces out of pure instinct, Taurtis doesn’t comment. Grian doesn’t comment when Taurtis does it either.
He and Taurtis have had very different reactions to… Everything. Where Grian can barely get himself to say his name, he seems to be the only thing on Taurtis’ mind.
“Sam would’ve loved this,” Taurtis had said once, twirling a white tulip in his hands.
Grian’s eyes narrowed, picking at the grass in between his crossed legs, “why’d you bring him up?”
“I dunno,” Taurtis shrugged. “I’ve been thinking about him.”
“In what way?”
“Just wondering what he’s been doing without us,” Taurtis paused, before speaking again, “I think I miss him.”
Grian had to admit, his reaction was a bit harsh. His brow furrowed and his shoulders immediately tensed.
“Why?” He asked through gritted teeth.
Taurtis shrugged again, “things weren’t terrible all the time.”
“Well then you don’t miss him,” Grian crossed his arms, “you miss when things were good.”
Taurtis frowned at that. Grian felt bad.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“It’s fine,” Taurtis shot him a small smile, “you’re right, I guess.”
That didn’t make Grian feel better.
They oscillate between dancing around the subject of high school, and talking about it like it happened yesterday. One of the times they were more cagey about it was when Grian dyed his hair.
It used to be a black color, same as Taurtis’ hair, his dull strawberry blonde roots stretching in. Grian remembered Taurtis’ expression when he caught Grian kneeling by the lake near their house, yellow dye staining his hands and an embarrassed look on his face.
“Yellow?” Taurtis had said, shocked laughter following his words as he sat down next to his boyfriend.
Grian’s face flushed red, “we didn’t have any other color!”
“You could’ve mixed it with something, it’s so… Bright,” Taurtis reached out and picked at Grian’s hair, cringing at the feeling of wet dye still on it.
“I wasn’t really thinking about that,” Grian huffed. “I just wanted the black out.”
“You didn’t wanna match?”
“Fuck no,” Grian sighed. “We were ‘matching’ for a year too long.”
Something hung in the air. A hesitance. It was uncomfortable, and Grian was worried that he had upset Taurtis in some way, so he bit his tongue, not wanting to make things worse.
Taurtis broke the silence, thank god . He just started talking about what they should have for dinner, and Grian had never been more grateful for a topic change in his life.
Grian spends a lot of time with Taurtis.
Maybe too much time.
You can’t blame him, really. Taurtis wasn’t always the best to Grian, but he was still a comfort when things were bad. Even if they bickered and fought and yelled — they stayed close, because who else did they have?
One time Taurtis wasn’t around. He was mining basically all day, leaving Grian alone. He couldn’t stand the silence of their home, it clawed at his skin and made him paranoid, so he went to Pearl’s house.
He expected that to make him feel better, Pearl was practically his sister, but it didn’t. The entire time they were together, Grian was on edge, not able to will his tenseness away. He wished Taurtis was there, he always felt more comfortable when Taurtis was there.
Grian stayed with Pearl because being alone was worse, but he scrambled home as quickly as possible when Taurtis shot him a message that he had returned. He didn’t leave the others side for a good day after that, and Taurtis didn’t complain, maybe the solo mining had shaken him up as well.
Grian often has nightmares.
Sam’s been in a few of them, but they’ve never been about him. Most of the time, the nightmares were about blood staining his hands while he held some sort of gun to somebody’s temple.
There was one that was different.
He was in that shed , Taurtis’ clothes clinging to his body and headphones trapped over his ears. He was trying to get out, for some reason, but the door wouldn’t budge. He screamed and cried until he couldn’t anymore, and then he collapsed onto the ground. He didn’t know how long he laid there, his breath rapid and a pit in his stomach, but eventually — the door opened, a shadow casting over him.
Grian woke up.
He shot up in his bed, fingers clutching the red sheets. He was still hyperventilating, and his black eyes shot around the room, trying frantically to calm himself. His gaze fell onto Taurtis, sleeping peacefully next to him, strands of black hair falling over his eyes.
Grian reached forward and gently brushed the hair out of Taurtis’ face, softly twirling a strand around his fingers. Just reminding himself that Taurtis was there seemed to calm him down. He felt his breath slowly slip back to normal, and his hands finally stopped trembling.
He took a deep breath and laid back down.
He turned to face Taurtis, keeping his eyes trained on his boyfriend as he fell back into sleep.
Things aren’t perfect, but they’re better. So much better.
Grian sits on a wooden dock, watching his friends splash each other in the lake that it overlooks. His feet brush against the water as he swings them back and forth, the setting sun casting beautiful lighting onto the group.
Grian doesn’t remember the last time he felt so calm. He’s always been cautious, like someone may try to attack him at any moment, but he doesn’t have to feel like that here.
“Having fun?” Taurtis asked from behind him, sitting down next to Grian had he picked at the bandages wrapped around one of his arms. Grian smiles at him.
“Yeah,” he slumps against Taurtis’ shoulder, “I like it here.”
“You and me both,” Taurtis giggles, resting his head against Grian’s. “You wanna swim?”
Grian thought about it for a moment, “not feeling it.”
“What? Why?” He could hear the pout in Taurtis’ voice.
“I just don’t want to,” Grian hummed, though he paused when he felt Taurtis’ hand press against his back. “Taurtis—”
Grian didn’t get to finish his sentence before Taurtis had pushed him into the water. He immediately pushed himself towards the surface, yelping in surprise as the water stuck his hair to his face.
“Taurtis!” Grian yelled, though his complaint was muffled by Taurtis also jumping in, splashing Grian in the process.
When Taurtis resurfaced, he was laughing, and Grian splashed him out of annoyance.
“You’re such an asshole!” Grian hissed, though he was fighting back his own giggles.
“Come on! I’m not going to let you just sit there and do nothing,” Taurtis reached forward and took Grian’s hand into his own, pulling Grian closer to him.
“I was enjoying the view.”
“Nooot good enough,” Taurtis motioned to the rest of their friends, who were pretty far in front of them. “We should go join them!”
“Nah,” Grian wrapped his arms around Taurtis’ shoulders, smiling up at him. “Here’s fine.”
Taurtis opened his mouth, probably to say something back, but he paused when he looked at Grian. He titled his head, his big black eyes almost making him look like a baby deer. Grian’s smile faltered as Taurtis stared at him, and he glanced away.
“What…?”
“You’re pretty.”
Grian’s eyes snapped back to his boyfriend. His brow furrowed, “don’t flatter me.”
“It’s not flattery if it’s true.”
Grian rolled his eyes, and he tilted Taurtis’ head down in order to connect their lips. As they kissed, Grian found himself thinking about how happy he was in his new home. He and Taurtis could just be safe, and… Normal. No Yakuza, no crazed girlfriends, no controlling roommates, just themselves and their friends.
Grian pulled away when the sound of someone yelling cut off his thoughts.
“Hey!” Pearl called from where the others were, tossing a pebble into the water by Taurtis and Grian. “We’re right here, yknow? Some of us don’t want to see that!”
Taurtis started laughing, and Grian pushed himself away from him, rolling his eyes.
“Stop laughing,” Grian elbowed Taurtis, which thankfully made him quiet down into giggles.
“Are you guys coming over here, or what?” Pearl called, and Taurtis looked over at Grian, a smile pushed onto his lips. He didn’t say anything, a silent question — and Grian looked back at the group, at the new friends who he could actually trust, and who wouldn’t put him in danger.
He smiled back at Taurtis.
“Don’t want to keep them waiting.”