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Overstimulated

Summary:

Pyro is overstimulated, and Engie has anxiety.

Notes:

TW/CW for two panic attacks, and a mentioned and partially shown autistic meltdown.
I think Im on the autistic spectrum, but am not sure, so if I got Pyro's (Angel's) reaction and behavior during their meltdown poorly/I misrepresented it. Also please tell me if Engie's (Dell's) reaction was improper/a bad reaction. I did my best to represent it well and did a bit of research. Thank you for reading!
-Sakura

Work Text:

It was no secret to Dell that his partner got easily overstimulated in loud spaces. Pyro, or Angel as it was to Dell, had a set of headphones and many cassette players for battle. Angel was very sensitive to noise, and they had auditory issues as Dell would come to find out. After learning this, Dell quickly made a music player just for Angel, both in its base or as they called it their base suit, and its battle suit. Dell took great care to mend and fix Angel’s suits and outfits, even if it took him long hours; Angel hated that part of him, and would attempt to drag him off to bed. Mostly to no avail. Angel's suit was made and designed to have a tough layer of metal around the music player, along with the cable being coated in a thick leather. Dell never really anticipated what would happen if that wasn't enough to protect it,  but deep down he knew this day would come

It was no secret to Dell that his partner got easily overstimulated in loud spaces. Pyro, or Angel as it was to Dell, had a set of headphones and many cassette players for battle. Angel was very sensitive to noise, and they had auditory issues as Dell would come to find out. After learning this, Dell quickly made a music player just for Angel, both in its base or as they called it their base suit, and its battle suit. Dell took great care to mend and fix Angel’s suits and outfits, even if it took him long hours; Angel hated that part of him, and would attempt to drag him off to bed. Mostly to no avail. Angel's suit was made and designed to have a tough layer of metal around the music player, along with the cable being coated in a thick leather. Dell never really anticipated what would happen if that wasn't enough to protect it,  but deep down he knew this day would come

“Pyro? Do you hear me?” Dell said into the mic piece he was wearing courtesy of Scout annoyingly enough. When Dell got no response it didn't set off immediate red flags, what if they're just in a fight and can't talk! No that's not it, even when we were on the verge of losing Angel always made some kind of noise!  Dell thought. Dell looked around, Angel and his teammates were nowhere to be found. Dell knew he had anxiety, he kept on telling himself Angel would be fine he's tough! That statement also combated the part of him that was a chronic overworrier. He’s gonna be f- NO IT MUST OF HATE YOU, IT KNOWS YOU LISTEN TO THE RADIO WITH THEM. YOU STUPID INVENTOR, EVEN THE THINGS YOU INVENT CANT EVEN FIX YOU OR YOUR RELATIONSHIPS! Dell’s head began to hurt. He hated when he was left to fend for himself, because he was left alone with his thoughts. Dell began to feel queasy and dizzy, but he couldn't stop the thoughts. ANGEL DESERVES SOMEBODY SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS! YOUR A FREAK OF NATURE, ANGEL PROBABLY THINKS YOUR GONNA CUT OFF ITS ARM LIKE YOU DID YOUR OWN. AWWW IS SOMEBODY CRYING, YOU CLINGY BASTARD. YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE A SINGLE MATCH AWAY FROM THEM! Dell knew he was spiraling, but he was powerless in comparison to his own head. STUPID STUPID STUPID JUST TAKE OFF YOUR RESPAWN BAND AND JUMP IT'LL SAVE EVERYBODY A HEADACHE. Just as the Engineer began to fiddle and take off his respawn band a loud “Defeat” rolled over the arena. GREAT YOU DID NOTHING BUT BE USELESS, THE TEAM WILL NEVER LOVE YOU, YOU ARE NOTHING! Dell threw the band off and looked over the edge of the tower he was on. Dell stood up and jumped over the railing, he stood on the very edge. Dell didn't realize all the tears that were pouring down his face. Just as he extended a leg to jump. He was teleported back to base.

“Engie?” was the first thing he heard as he came back. Dell had always chosen to put his locker in the corner away from everybody. Dell didn't want somebody to find him, he just didn't want to exist. Dell stood there for a moment before rushing off to his workshop, not caring who was watching him.

As Dell thrust open the doors to his workshop he heard a muffled “Mph?” coming from behind him. Dell went quiet, not even turning on the lights to prevent the masked figure from finding him. Then he heard it, the muted screams and cries of his partner. Dell didn't want his partner to see him in this state, but wanted desperately to keep his partner safe.

“Angel…” Dell weakly cried out his pain and tears evident in his voice, which sounded more like a cat hissing than a human speaking. The call was met with silence. Stupid, Angel prioritizes you over themself. They're in the middle of a meltdown and focused on you! Stupid idiot! Go help it, now! Stop standing around. Dell’s brain yelled at himself. Suddenly Dell felt a figure rush past him to his and Angel's shared room. Dell quickly collected himself, and put all his emotions away for now Angel is what's important now, you can go be a little crying bitch later. As Dell approved the small room, mostly taken up by a bed covered by stuffed animals, blankets, and pillows he saw a little bump in the center of the bed shaped like a curled up person. “Angel… if you need anything come get me… I love you hun.” Dell said he was too scared of making the sensory overload worse to do anything else. 

Dell quickly exited the room, deciding on reading for a while, while Angel calmed down. Dell walked over to a shelf in his workshop. The shelf was pretty tall, but Dell and Angel realized it reached a window that connected to a roof panel. Angel and Dell would often go on the panel to stargaze or for Dell to play his guitar without disturbing the others. Dell sat on the ledge, it wasn't super high off the ground, but high enough to definitely break some bones if a person was to fall from it. Many people had questioned how Dell knew this, or why. The inventor often refused to elaborate on points like this, when others asked him about it.

As Dell sat on the roof panel he could hear some of the mercs moving inside of the building. For some ungodly reason if you were outside you could hear the inside of the building, not vice versa though. Dell looked up at the stars. Since when had it turned night?  Dell counted all the constellations and planets he could see, “Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Big and little dipper.” Dell spoke as if he expected somebody to ask about them and listen intently… Angel, he wanted Angel to do that. Looking at his watch Dell noticed he had somehow been outside for two hours. The other mercs will probably be making dinner, or reheating something at the least. Dell decided to go inside, as he entered back into the workshop he was greeted with Angel holding a cup of hot cocoa with one more mug next to him. Angel had its mask off and was drawing up something while drinking.

“Hey hun, are you doing better?” Dell asked walking over, Dell decided that it would be best to stand near and not next to Angel, Dell knew that it would be best not to crowd Angel as he didnt know how long it took them to calm down, Dell certainly didn't want to cause another sensory overload.

“Good… why were you gone, you're usually here.” Angel inquired sadness and fear in their voice, and confusion in its gaze. Then quickly remembering the other mug held it out to the other merc.

“Thanks firefly, I was just outside on the roof. You were having a meltdown so I wanted to give you some time to calm down. I'm sorry if you were scared I left you or something happened.” Dell apologized, Dell was afraid of how Angel would react to that. Deep down he knew Angel would appreciate the action, but his mind couldn't stop worrying.

“Thank you, I was a bit scared. The others have already made and eaten dinner so I brought you some.” Angel said, holding out a plate with mac and cheese, some fresh strawberries from the team’s greenhouse, and some grilled chicken. Dell happily took the plate and took a seat next to Angel, who he just realized was sitting on Dell’s desk. 

“Sniper said you looked upset, and you ran out of the locker room really fast. I know I was there first and you got there last, but please tell me what's wrong.” Angel mentioned concern clear on his face. Dell looked at his feet, silence washes over the two.

“It's nothing hun, don't worry your head!” Dell exclaimed, putting on that fake face and smile he was so good at. Angel however had seen this face a million times and no longer fell for it. Angel gave Dell a skeptical look, but knew Dell only did this when he had a really bad problem. 

“Okay.. if you say so. Also ya know you can tell me anything ya know!” Angel said joy coming straight back to their face. Dell waved as it walked away from him, and over to the team laboratory to brush his teeth. Dell looked over at Angel’s battle suit. As usual, it was left on Dell’s workspace to be fixed and or upgraded if Dell had inspiration. Dell looked at the suit noticing the headset was knocked loose. Picking up the headset and inspecting it showed a large bullet wedged in an earpiece, most likely fired by the opposing Sniper. Dell picked it up and grabbed some of his tools and began wedging the bullet out of the head piece. Dell walked over to one of his drawers, and grabbed his own personal headset. He could go without it for a day. It was gonna be fine… what's the worst that could happen dell thought.


Apparently a lot of things could go wrong. Dell was not fine, another annoying day of payload and looking for team BLU. Looking around BLU was nowhere to be found, but Dell could hear one of his sentries shooting from close to the entrance of the first BLU point. Dell currently sat on the wall between points 2 and 3. As Dell looked around he could vaguely make out, a scout attempting and failing to take out one of his sentries. Dell usually was fine even without his headset, but today was different for some reason. Maybe it was because he forgot to take his anxiety and OCD meds, or- no nope it was definitely that. Mother Hubbard, todays gonna be rough Dell thought. Unfortunately He was correct.

Just then he felt a presence, crap was all he had time to think before a knife was pushed into his back. Searing white pain came from the inventor's shoulders. And In an instant he was back at spawn. Dell stood there, then he ran back to start fixing a sentry. Fixing the sentries he could, would usually help his anxiety. For some reason today it wouldn't help lower his stress levels. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-” Dell began to count his pieces of metal, dividing them in his pouch to be able to fix all of his sentries equally, this seemed to calm him a little. Then a bomb went off, Dell had no clue it was there. It hit him and all his medals, the two hundred something; tumbled to the ground, his ears were church bells ringing. Engie stumbled to the ground. “Metals.. Metals… METALS WHERE ARE THEY?!?!? 1- 2, No augh 1, uh 2 , 3, 4,- WHERE ARE ALL OF THEM…” Dell nearly shouted, but with all the commotion nobody heard him. Dell's vision began to grow hazy just as the Administrator announced “Victory!” Then he felt nauseous, his body felt like his skin was going to tear itself from the flesh. Dell’s whole body wracked with pain. The Engineer never felt weak or tired, but he just couldn't hold it together, in one instant the pain dulled and everything went black.


“Dell, Dell, DELL!” Dell woke up to the sight of his partner sitting next to his bed in the medical wing of the base. Dell suddenly realized he could not speak or move, his body felt broken and pain was everywhere. Just then he saw another figure walk into the room.

“Herr Pyro… he can't speak, His body is broken, it will be a miracle if he can even hear you.” The figure now easily identifiable by his voice, was the team Medic. Medic strolled over to a large machine over the bed and turned it up a bit. “Pyro, did by any chance, herr Engineer not take his meds.” The medic spoke calm and slowly. Looking at two prescription bottles in his hands.

“... no he didn't mark off today on our meds calendar.” Angel lamented, fear burning in their eyes. It took Dell a bit to realize that Angel had its mask off. Dell knew Angel was comfortable taking their mask off around himself and Miss. Pauling, but medic was not on the list that Dell knew of.

“Ze meds calendar?” Medic questioned.

“Oh yeah it's a system De- Engie and I made to keep track of our medication, we tell the other that we took out meds and the other crosses that off  for them. It's a good way for us to keep the other in check! On our meds at least.” Angel said, sitting next to Dell.

“So ze took none today is what you're telling me…” Medic shook his head as he spoke. “Has herr Engineer had any anxiety attacks or panic attacks recently?” Medic asked, writing everything down on a clipboard.

“ Well I’m not totally sure, but yesterday Sniper said he saw Engie in pain or crying or something. Engie also was acting really strange yesterday and avoiding questions about his mental health.” Pyro stated, it looked anxious at Dell’s state. If I could do anything to help you, or cheer you up right now, I would! Dell thought, his heart ached for his partner. All Dell wanted to do in the moment was reach out and hug Angel and not let go. Oh honey if I could I would take all your pain right now. Seeing you hurt is the worst thing ever. Angel I know you can't hear me, but I guess these thoughts make me feel a little better. Dell thought, he had also somehow forgotten about the chat between his partner and the Medic.

“So in basic, make sure he takes his meds, and make him take it easy tomorrow. He’s probably feeling immense stress; make sure to remind him that he’s not the first person to have this happen to them, and he certainly will not be the last.” Medic reassured Angel. “I will help you move him to your room if you wish.” Medic offering his help was a surprise to Dell, I never knew he had the possibility to be this kind, but to be fair I haven't given him much of a chance… Dell thought.

After a quick murmur from Angel, Dell was lifted into the air into the arms of his beloved. With a quick goodbye to Medic the two left the room. After walking a little bit they turned into Dell’s workshop, and turned once more into their shared bedroom. Dell was softly set down on the bed with a kiss administered to his cheek.

“An-g-g-el…” Dell squeaked out painfully, but at least his body didn't feel like it was completely broken! This immediately caught the Pyro's attention.

“Hey… Honey, I won't force you to answer now, but what happened yesterday?” Angel asked with lots of concern filling its voice. The inventor looked at him and did his best to speak.

“I-I… stress- you n-n-not spea-ak i-n ead-dphon-es. I-I spir-al a-nd…” Dell couldn't continue, he was too out of breath and in pain. He looked over at Angel who was positing pillows and blankets, under and around him. Angel looked back at him, their gaze got the message across. I see you!

“Shhhhh, hun I understand! And please remember I will always love and care for you no matter what. You’re important to me!” Angel said enthusiastically. Dell knew Angel wasn't the best at expressing their feelings with words, but those words felt like a warm blanket more than any of those around him. Dell tried to get his feeling across to Angel with his eyes, and Angel seemed to understand. 

“Hey I wanted to show you the drawing I did yesterday! I really hope you like it!” Angel was very enthusiastic about it’s art and work. While many knew Angel was behind in the mental development stages, they certainly were not in the fine arts department. Angel left for maybe a minute or two giving Dell a time to reflect on his thoughts from the previous day. He wasn't stupid and he really needed to stop telling himself that! Heck he has 11PHDs to show he wasn’t stupid. Also if he was gone who would sing and play guitar for Angel, who would keep track of their meds, who would cuddle them in the winter until they were as warm as the summer air.  

Angel came back holding a small sketchbook and a few loose papers. “Uhm… I know this will seem either a little silly or kinda creepy, but uh um… you’re one of my favorite subjects to draw!” Angel spoke, opening the sketch book and flipping through it at a pace where Dell could see each of the different drawings. Angel stopped at a small drawing of both him and pyro sitting in a field of flowers, both wearing flower crowns. Angel was wearing a pretty one made of what Dell believed were lavender flowers, and it looked like Dell was wearing a crown made of bluebonnets.

“It-s bea-utif-ful hu-nn.” Engie said voice choking up, pain still there but dulled and forgotten by the act of kindness. They flipped through the sketchbook and looked at the loose portraits. After they were done Angel let out a big yawn.

Angel looked him in the eyes and said “thank you love, have a good night sleep well!” The sketchbook now set on the bedside table. Angel curled into Dell and cuddled into the other merc. Quickly after that the two fell into a soft sleep.

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