Chapter Text
6. The one time they didn’t
Jimin storms into his living room, blocks his view of the TV and stands with his hands on his hips.
“Is it true?”
Seokjin knows what Jimin means but he’s not in the mood to talk about it.
“Global warming? Yes, it is.”
“Hyung.”
Seokjin ignores him. Jimin sighs and sits beside him.
“What happened?”
“I was an idiot.”
“We know. What else?”
“That’s all I’ve got.”
“Come on. Something’s not right. You never talk about him, then suddenly, you’re engaged then he dumps you? It’s not adding up.”
“I asked too much, too soon. He freaked out and left.”
“Too soon? You were engaged. You’ve known each other for seven years! That’s more than me and Gukkie.”
Seokjin purses his lips. He doesn’t want to tell the truth about them, wants to keep the illusion.
“I fucked it up, nothing to it.”
Jimin grabs his wrist, squeezes. “Is it too big? Did you cheat on him?”
“No!”
“Lie about something, maybe? Betray his trust in any way?”
Seokjin sighs, shakes his head.
“Then just apologize to him. You haven’t done something so horrible and if he said yes then he loves you.”
“I’m trying to talk to him, but he won't answer his phone.”
“Then go see him!”
“How would that change anything? He left, and he won’t answer me. I can take a hint.”
Jimin narrows his eyes. “You’re being a coward and it’s not like you, hyung. Go talk to him.”
“I have talked. It’s just not meant to be.”
This time. Again, like the bar and the exhibition and that lunch. But perhaps someday, somewhere along the way they’d―
Seokjin frowns.
“What?”
“I think I'm an idiot.”
Jimin rolls his eyes. “We’ve already established that, hyung.”
Seokjin raises up his index finger. “Hold that thought.”
He rushes to his room and changes, black jeans and a white t-shirt before he grabs his wallet and keys and runs out of the apartment. Jimin cheers behind him and Seokjin’s heart races.
He didn’t say the words, he wasn’t clear, his closing argument was weak. He chickened out and let Taehyung walk away from him. Hoping that he’d run into him again. He didn’t speak his mind, didn’t try because deep down he thought he’ll get to try again later.
What if he doesn't? What if they meet but the next five years changes everything? What if Fate has had enough of helping him and this is his last chance?
“Screw Fate,” he says, climbing into his car and fastening his seat belt before backing out of the parking space and driving toward Taehyung’s house.
He knocks but no one answers him, and dialing Taehyung’s phone proves futile.
“Where are you―Oh. The gallery!”
He turns and sprints down the stairs to his car. He puts his phone on the dash, sets One and J Gallery as his destination and presses the pedal.
Soft music floats in the background of excited chatter, people shiny and over-dressed. The place is set up with flowers and myriad colors on the walls, every wall has an individual painting.
Seokjin examines each one of them, his eyes settling on the name. Vante.
Some are signed with Taehyung’s own name, older paintings that Taehyung wanted to exhibit.
Seokjin drifts along with the crowd of people as they glide through like they’ve been taught step by step.
There’s a small gathering in front of what he assumes is the central piece and Seokjin waits his turn until he’s standing before it.
The painting is huge, taking residence in the middle, surrounded by other, smaller paintings. It’s of two intertwined figures, both masculine and obviously intimate. They don’t have features, shadows made of variant colors and Seokjin blushes the longer he looks at it. It’s alive, makes his heart race and it fills him with the urge to avert his eyes but captivates him at the same time.
He knows these figures. Is intimately aware of these handprints on the sides of the painting. It’s their hands, his and Taehyung’s, a part of the canvas they played on in Taehyung’s studio.
Seokjin looks at the paintings again, examining them all. They’re connected, he realizes. Two people drawn in black and white only until they clash in the big picture with vivid colors. Seokjin pores over each side. On the left, Taehyung drew himself. Alone, looking tormented, a painting of him with his head thrown back, tears in white. There’s no features, but Seokjin can see the agony so clearly his chest clenches. It goes on like this. Shots of screams, shadows of hands and fears. The other side is different.
It’s not full of torment like the left man’s story, but it feels…empty. Less contrast in the shadows, like it’s fading away. Mild and hesitant, lost. Seokjin’s throat tightens, finding himself tearing up. They’re similar to Taehyung’s graduation paintings, Seokjin only looks more like himself now and just as lost as Taehyung used to see him.
His side is less alive than Taehyung’s, all passive until they crash in the middle. Then they’re both wild and colorful, intertwined so tight Seokjin can’t breathe looking at them.
“It’s beautiful,” someone whispers from his side and Seokjin lowers his head and wipes his eyes.
“Yes. It’s breathtaking.”
“Hyung?”
Seokjin whips to his side, his eyes finding Taehyung standing a few feet away and he moves before he can make any conscious thought about it. Taehyung falls into his arms, and Seokjin kisses him, deep and needy. Taehyung clings to him, presses closer and Seokjin licks into his mouth.
Taehyung jolts and they break apart, wide-eyed and panting.
“I’m sorry, Voo.”
Taehyung lowers his head, shakes it, before he takes a breath and squares his shoulders, looks at Seokjin with a forced smile.
“Did you forget my name again?”
“Kim Taehyung, I am hurt―” The words get stuck in his throat, the reality of them hitting him hard and he rubs at his chest. “I am hurt,” he repeats. “You left.”
“I had to.” He ducks his head again, hiding behind his curls.
“Tae―”
“Let’s go somewhere else.”
Taehyung turns around and Seokjin follows him, he avoids the crowd, guides them into a small back room. Seokjin closes the door after them, waits for Taehyung to speak but Taehyung is still refusing to meet his eyes.
Seokjin steps closer, nudges Taehyung’s chin up with his fingers.
“Look at me, Taehyung.”
Taehyung does, his deer-eyes filled with tears. “You don’t understand,” he says. “I did this too many times before. You’re straight, you want to go along with it now that it’s easy, but what happens when things get difficult? They always do. Then you’ll just walk away because it’s too much troub―”
Seokjin places his thumb on Taehyung’s lips. “Sorry, I. I’m sorry, let me just. You left because I said let’s go along with it?”
Taehyung nods.
“Not because I freaked you out, not because you don’t love me back but because I worded it in a dumb way?”
Taehyung’s lips part. “What?”
“Taehyung. I love you.”
Taehyung shakes his head, takes a step back. “You don’t mean that. Things are good now, but you―”
“I’m bi, Taehyung. I didn’t come out to my parents but my friends know. I always wanted to kiss you, but after that lunch I was hesitant. You’ve been through so much, and I wasn’t sure yet so I let you go but I figured it out. During these five years I’ve been with men, and not just in bed. I dated a guy for almost a year.”
“I don’t want to be the easy monochrome scheme you’re just too lazy to change,” Taehyung says, like a stab and it hurts but Seokjin takes it.
“You’re not. Taehyung, I’m here because I’m done waiting for us to meet by strokes of luck. I’m choosing you, not because you’re the easy road, not because fate brought me here, but because I want you. I’ll choose you, always, even if shit goes bad.”
Taehyung moves into his space, rests his forehead on Seokjin’s sternum. “That first morning after, I was terrified. I’d wanted you for so long, always regretted not doing more every time we parted, so I just. I went for it, thought we’d part ways again so what’s the harm in it? I woke up in your bed and I was scared out of my mind that you'd freak out.”
“I didn’t―”
“Just, let me finish. Please?”
Seokjin gently sets his hands on the small of Taehyung’s back.
“I’m sorry. Go on.”
Taehyung takes a breath. “I picked a bad time, you were just rejected, and we were tipsy. I thought, surely it’ll be over. Then you asked me to pretend and you were so nice, I ended up agreeing. I just wanted more time with you, I was ready for it to end, I just wasn’t ready for the hope I felt. When you said that, it hurt more than I imagined, I just, I ran.
“Wooshik was bi, you know. We went out for a while, he was my only serious relationship, then he decided it’s easier being with a woman. Won’t ruin his future business. When you talked about how easy it was, It felt like I was heading there again.”
“Shaellie was an idiot, we know that.” He hates how much damage this one asshole did, but he’s also grateful they didn’t work out, that Taehyung needed to kiss Seokjin that day.
Taehyung laughs, curls against his chest and Seokjin holds him tighter.
“Don’t worry about a thing, baby. We’re different.”
“We are?”
“We’re the two who found destiny.”
Taehyung laughs again, peeks up at him and Seokjin smiles. He points over his shoulder with his thumb.
“So you really see me as a passive person going through life. It hurts, Voo.”
“You lived in an apartment with colors you didn’t choose, you went to law because of your family, you proposed to a girl you didn’t love because it was going well―”
“Yah! I love law, I grew into it and I proved myself before rejoining the firm. The monochrome wasn’t worth bothering myself over. The proposal was…ill-advised, it’s true. I do regret it and I’m glad she had the sense to reject it for both of us, but you’re different, Taehyung. I’ll fight for you, I won’t ever leave if you let me stay.”
“I was wearing a ring you bought for someone else, and you told me to go along with it.”
Seokjin winces. “I’m sorry. I was too scared of the truth, but then again, it’s not like you couldn’t have told me first.”
“I…I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I could’ve handled it better, could’ve asked you, it brought on every bad thing I’ve been through and I couldn’t let myself go through that again. I just don’t want to get hurt. Please don’t hurt me, Jin.”
Seokjin softens, folds Taehyung into a hug. “Never, baby. Never.”
“Jin?”
“Yes, baby?”
Taehyung stays silent for a few moments then: “I love you, too.”
Seokjin pulls back, grins. “Then I promise you, Voo. Next time, the ring will be for you and I’ll have Voo carved into mine.”
Taehyung stares at him and for a moment, Seokjin is afraid he went too far but the brightest smile spreads on Taehyung’s face, the tear that slips from his eye looks like a diamond.
“Only if you carve Jin on mine.”
Seokjin kisses him.
“It’s a deal.”
Taehyung takes his hand, and together they leave the little room. They walk back to Taehyung’s center piece. The gallery is bustling with people, and Seokjin stands aside and watches Taehyung talking to interested buyers, explaining his art and his inspiration.
“Oh pardon me, Mr. Vante, I don’t recognize your companion.”
Taehyung catches his eye, grins.
“This is Kim Seokjin, my boyfriend.”
―End.