Work Text:
Siri the Wizard or Siri the Shapeshifting Voice?
Harry Potter and his wife Ginny, along with their three children James, Albus, and Lily arrived at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place to see Sirius Black, Harry's godfather. It was summer, therefore James, Albus, and Lily were out of Hogwarts for the summer. James was seventeen, meaning he would be graduating Hogwarts next year, Albus was fifteen, and Lily was thirteen. A few months ago, their parents had gotten them smartphones, seeing as phones were very popular in modern times, especially for those who had access to the Muggle World like their parents did. They had convinced Sirius to get one just a few weeks ago, and he was still learning to use it. He was not exactly the fastest learner when it came to technology. Then again, he was still new with it, so only time would tell how well he would grasp it.
"Hi Sirius," Harry greeted his godfather.
"Hey Harry, Ginny, kiddos," Sirius replied. James snorted.
"I am not a kid anymore, Sirius, I'm seventeen!” he exclaimed. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"
"I'm a teenager, not a kid!” Albus spoke up.
Lily, meanwhile, was sitting, playing a game on her iPhone SE (2nd generation). Her phone had a case that was coral with hearts.
"Lily!" Ginny scolded. "We are visiting with Sirius. Get off your phone."
"Are you playing that Royal Match game again?" James asked.
"Yes," Lily responded. She put her phone in her pocket. James, however, took his out. His was the iPhone 12. His case was forest green with stars and the Canis Major constellation. He started scrolling through Facebook, or, as Sirius liked to call it, the Muggle Book of Faces.
Albus took out his phone as well, and started scrolling through Twitter. He had the iPhone 12 Mini. His case was navy blue and swirls. Ginny glared at them.
"Phones away!" she ordered sternly. "When your father and I were kids, we didn't have iPhones, or any phones, for that matter."
"Well, there were landline phones, but that was it," Harry corrected her. Harry had the iPhone 13, and Ginny had the iPhone 13 Mini. Harry's case was green with lightning bolts all over it, and Ginny's was turquoise with flowers. "But yes, we grew up without iPhones, and we actually had to talk to people, not just play games or scroll through social media. And no, not talking as in Facetime calls. Now, listen to your mother. Phones away!"
"Oh, come on! Let them have some fun," Sirius cut in. "They don't get to play on their phones at Hogwarts, because of the magic there, so they should be able to make up for that time they lose at Hogwarts."
"Sirius, you're not helping!" Ginny said with a huff.
Sirius pulled out his iPhone 13 Pro. His case was red with wolf, stag, and dog prints. He opened one of the games he liked to play. "Did you know that they have a game all about Hogwarts?" he asked.
"Sirius Orion Black!" Ginny exclaimed. "Seriously?!"
"You're a bad influence," Harry added.
"The game is called Hogwarts Mystery," Sirius continued, pretending Harry and Ginny had not even said what they said. "It's fun! I'm in the first year right now."
"Siri, please! Be a better influence on the children!" Harry pleaded.
All of a sudden, Sirius and James' phones both said around the same time, "I'm not sure I understand." There was silence for three seconds before everyone in the room burst out laughing.
"Siri wanted to contribute to the conversation!" Lily said with a laugh.
"Contribute means to give (something, especially money) in order to help achieve or provide something," Sirius' phone interrupted the conversation.
"How do I get this thing to stop talking? I don't want a dictionary!" Sirius said.
"Press the side button," Albus told him.
"Oh, that's easy!" Sirius said, pushing the side button.
"Maybe we should turn off the Hey Siri feature," Lily spoke up. "Otherwise, it will keep doing this."
"How do we do that?" Sirius asked.
"Go into your Siri settings," James explained. Sirius stared at him in confusion. "Here, let me see your phone," James added, holding out his hand. Sirius handed him the phone. James unlocked it, and stared at the home screen. "Sirius, your apps are just scattered all over the place. They're not organized at all, no folders, nothing," James commented.
"That is not surprising at all," Ginny said with a roll of her eyes. "Harry's the same way. Both of them have no concept of organization when it comes to their phones."
"Sirius was never organized with ANYTHING!" a shrill voice yelled. Everyone groaned.
Sirius stormed over to the portrait of the late Walburga Black. "Mother, SHUT UP!" he yelled.
"You have always been a disgrace, and your organization skills are abhorrent!" Walburga screeched. "And now you're using Muggle devices. You are a disgrace! If I had had it my way, you wouldn't be allowed in this house!"
"Well, you tried to erase me from this family, but you were not the one in charge, so you will just have to deal with it," Sirius shot back. "Now, be quiet!"
James stormed forward. “Yeah, be quiet!” he stated sharply. His eyes narrowed. “Do you want to know why he’s not great at organization skills?” There was a slight pause; though he didn’t allow her to speak. “BECAUSE OF YOU! You made his childhood chaotic and he had to go up and beyond a normal sibling to ensure that Regulus was safe. Ensuring that he had a relatively mild childhood gave up Sirius’ own orderliness!” Albus’ eyes darkened.
“And so what if he was disorganized? That is something that people can improve on! We all have shortcomings! I need to practice more confidence, expand my academic prowess, whatever!”
“I can work on my temperament,” Ginny threw in.
“I need to practice asking for help,” Harry finished.
“The sad thing is that YOU refuse to improve!” James continued in a disgusted voice. “You ruined their childhoods, using physical affection as a source as punishment and/or manipulation! Unlike you, his affection feels good!” To prove it, he hugged the man. Sirius didn't seem too surprised. He was used to the children hugging him. Over Sirius’ shoulder he went on, "And this wouldn’t even be a scenario in your house! He takes it WAY better than you! I would’ve been cursed! I’d rather him stand here like a tree than be cursed! Yes, he’s bold, brash, impulsive, thanks a lot to you for giving him no worth outside of the STUPID surname that was carried in this house! A lot of his temperament came because of all of the pain you and your boot-licking of a husband inflicted on him and his brother!” Then he let go of him and went to wrap an arm around Albus and stood up straighter.
“And you’re also disorganized,” Lily cut in darkly. “As well as temperamental, unloving unlike Sirius, and disrespectful to people who aren’t of a certain social circle!” The lights flickered. “I would much rather that he be in our lives rather than you! Sure, he is sometimes disrespectful, spiteful, temperamental, always loyal to nearly a fault, but it’s WAY better than yours, you disgusting person! You make me want to vomit!!!”
“Unlike you, he cares about others, for who they are, and nothing else!” Albus ranted. “He would give up everything that he had, just to be sure that we could live the best life. He almost did that for our father. I can’t say the same for you! We LOVE him, and that is all that we want from him!”
“You SICKEN-!” She was cut off when the lights went out. They were plunged into complete darkness. From inside James' pocket, his phone lit up. He took it out, revealing the Canis Major constellation lit up brightly. It was projected from the ceiling. The three teens were led forward by the dog-shaped light. Their magic swirled around them in furious waves.
“He is a far better leader than you, for at least he won’t harm people on purpose,” Albus added. “And we have time for him to grow, so immaturity is out of the question! Besides, what’s fun about an adult 24/7? Nothing!” Their breaths came out in short puffs, trying to calm themselves. The light encased them, making them recoil back before realizing what it was trying to do. It pulsated slowly, giving them a pattern to breathe to. When they returned, the light turned off and the actual lights came on.
"Wow!" Sirius exclaimed. "We deal with her,” he said as pointed at the portrait, "all the time, yet you still rant at her like this is your first time dealing with her? I didn't know the whole Siri thing got you into a weird mood to rant."
“This was one too many,” James said.
"Did you notice your reaction to the light was very strange?" Harry asked. "I mean, the way you recoiled at first, then you realized it wanted to help. That was strange."
"Er, Dad, we live in a world of magic," Albus said. "Strange things happen all the time. Like when you changed your teacher's hair blue."
"That was different," Harry pointed out. "That was accidental magic."
"Same idea," Albus said with a shrug. "It was still strange."
"Strange," a voice said. "S-T-R-A-N-G-E.”
"Sirius, we better go turn off your Hey Siri feature," James said.
"Do you actually call Sirius by a stupid nickname like Siri?" Walburga asked coldly.
"Yes, just like how I called Regulus Reg or Reggie," Sirius said, striding over to the portrait to shut her up. With that, he covered the portrait again and they went back into the sitting room. "She's a bloody nightmare," he muttered.
The others chuckled. They were used to Walburga's portrait by now.
A few minutes later, Ginny broke the silence. "I think that the light… I think it was meant to show Sirius' imperfection, if you will," she commented. "As well as the good."
Sirius snorted. "Imperfection wasn't even in the Black Family dictionary," he stated.
"Of course it wasn't," Lily said. "The first word was probably 'perfect.’ You know what Mum means, right?”
"Yeah," Sirius replied. "That makes sense. By the way, the first word in the Black Family dictionary is ‘Toujour pur.’”
Everyone laughed. "Not a surprise!" Albus exclaimed. James handed Sirius' phone back to him.
"There you go," he said. "The Hey Siri feature is turned off. Oh, and I organized your apps for you, because someone needs to. I hope you like the new setup!"
"Er, thank you," Sirius said slowly. "But you didn't need to put them all in folders! Now I don't know where my apps are!"
Everyone laughed. Whether it was Siri the wizard or Siri the voice, it was never a dull moment at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place.