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bam's law

Summary:

The problem is this: Bam has never liked anyone Jeongguk brings home.

Until Seokjin.

Notes:

the most unserious and unhinged thing i will ever write. welcome to whatever this is, i hope you enjoy <33

Chapter 1: section i

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

🐾

 

This is how it starts: 

Jeongguk hasn’t actually had any fun lately. Fun in the sense that his back hasn’t gotten blown out, and this is the main point. His job keeps him in a vicious nine-to-five cycle, his friends aren’t enablers because everyone has the tendency to be an adult these days, and Jeongguk is so damn lonely because of it all.

So, like all normal people, instead of going to Itaewon and finding some random dude to fuck him silly (with consent, of course), he starts searching Naver and ends up on the dog adoption agencies.

Jeon Bam arrives two weeks later, Jeongguk a proud single parent to one Dobermann puppy that absolutely eats his heart out whole and leaves him in a mess of baby coos and doggie clothes that will fit his child.

Naturally, being a parent takes precedence over getting his brains blown out, and that’s okay! This is new territory Jeongguk has to learn; loneliness is no longer a disease, keeping him isolated in his pet-friendly one-bedroom apartment in Myeongdong.

However, three months later, Jeongguk begins to notice a pattern he wishes he would have taken into consideration a little earlier. It brings about the reality of how Bam was a spontaneous decision, but the best decision Jeongguk has ever made in his entire life—nothing will change this no matter what, but there is the issue of the pattern. 

“So he peed in the shoe of the guy you brought over last night,” Taehyung shrugs, peering over the table to see the medium-sized big baby laying at Jeongguk’s feet. “Big deal. Doesn’t he know how to clean? Probably was the bozo’s fault, why did he encroach on my innocent darling’s territory?”

“Yoongi was—no, is, present tense, hot, hyung!” Jeongguk whines, head falling into the palms of his hands. The name is the most he had been able to get out of the guy before their bodies fell in line with each other. 

He’s also the type of person one would mourn if the opportunity was lost, which is what Jeongguk is currently doing now. Lifting his arm up, Jeongguk begins with a closed fist, beginning to list each point punctuated by a finger going up to emphasis his current predicament.

“He was shorter than me, perfect for spooning!”

Pinky finger.

“He had almost the same amount of muscles as me which is fucking insane because you know how much I work out!”

Ring finger.

“Complimented my eyes and said they were so goddamn pretty which is literally the best thing anyone could say to me!”

Middle finger.

Opposite him, Taehyung hums, utterly disinterested. The lemonade in his glass is fizzy and ombréd yellow, a gradient against the frosty glass matching the midday sun. Seated outside a quaint bistro in Myeongdong, Bam lounges next to Jeongguk, as far away from Taehyung and other strangers around, fairhfully sticking to his dad’s side.

“Hyung, he even covered the taxi fare back to my place!” 

Index finger.

“So, he was as desperate as you, is what I’m hearing,” Taehyung deadpans. He casually sips his lemonade, cutting into his sandwich. “You usually go to their places. What happened this time?”

“Sexiled by his roommate, but that’s hardly the issue—the main thing that makes me want to poke my eyeballs out over losing him? He stayed and tried to make me breakfast in the morning, but Bamie…”

Thumb.

All the excuses had run out. 

Taehyung can see how perfect Yoongi was based on Jeongguk’s astute summary, but he’s never going to actually take Jeongguk’s side, who happens to be his best friend of nearly ten years, over that of Bam, the new baby of the family who has been around for three months.

Jeongguk doesn’t blame him either. He’d chose Bam over anyone else in the world, too, the rest of his friends included.

“What did he say?” Taehyung prods, curious. His sandwich looks delicious, Jeongguk wants a bite despite ordering pasta. 

Italian for brunch is what Taehyung demanded over KKT this morning, completely ignoring Jeongguk’s complaints after suffering the loss of buff and beautiful Min Yoongi. He’ll take it, though. At least he doesn’t have to lament in his apartment and grieve when he remembers last night into this morning every five seconds.

“He said he loved last night, but he doesn’t wish to overstay his welcome because he can see how uncomfortable Bam is, called it stranger anxiety. Then, he tried to make me laugh by saying it might be the feline in him everyone keeps talking about which makes my baby antsy, kissed my forehead, thanked me for last night, and left! My life is over.”

“Was he older than you?” Taehyung inquires.

Affronted, Jeongguk cocks his head to the side, scoffing at the outrageous question. 

“Obviously, hyung.”

“Sorry, I forgot you compensate for your non-existent daddy issues by targeting men older than you, my apologies,” Taehyung raises his hand in surrender, smirking when the two ahjummas one table away gasp quietly, rapidly turning their heads away.

Jeongguk has the sense to let his ears colour red over the unexpected call-out. “So what if I like older men?” He huffs, digging a fork into his creamy pasta. “Three to five years is not that terrible, you say it like it’s twenty—which honestly? To each their own, who am I to judge?”

“Be better than your appa, Bamie,” Taehyung whistles at the pup, trying to gain (and failing) to gain his attention.

“He doesn’t like you either,” Jeongguk points out as a succinct reminder. 

“So?” Taehyung scowls. “At least he doesn’t bite my ankles like he does with Hoseok hyung. Listen, if you’re this hung up about the guy you slept with last night—”

“Min Yoongi, put some respect on his name, please and thank you!”

Taehyung blatantly ignores him. “Let’s go out tonight. It’s Saturday, you and I don’t have work tomorrow. Hyung’s treat! Get this great Min Yoongi out of your head. Out of sight, out of mind? Is that how the saying goes? Whatever, it still stands. I’ll pick you up at ten.”

Fortunately, Jeongguk doesn’t have any viable excuses to decline. All he can do is pout, nodding along to Taehyung’s suggestion. Bam perks up, nuzzling into Jeongguk’s hand held out for comfort.

“Fine,” He gives in. “If you don’t find me someone new tonight, I’m going to tell Namjoon hyung you dropped water all over his book stacks!”

Alarmed, Taehyung shoots up, gaping. “Are you trying to end my relationship, you brat? That man is about to propose, don’t you dare! You want someone new?” Taehyung aggressively bites into his sandwich. “I will find you someone shiny and new, trust your hyung.”

Alright, Jeongguk narrows his eyes, you have until midnight. 

 

🐾

 

Shiny and new is actually the tall, broad and porcelain-faced, plush-lipped and massively packed man whose club fit stretches beautifully against his back, hovering above Jeongguk sprawled on his own bedsheets.

He vows this, right here, right now, as his new pretty boy attaches lips to his neck, running his tongue down the column of skin leading behind the slope of his clavicle. 

All the stars must have aligned for someone like him to come around, someone who ticks all Jeongguk’s boxes.

If Bam scares this one off, Jeongguk is going to spend the rest of his life basking in celibacy. 

This is why Jeongguk realises that he can never, ever take Seokjin over to his house. Ever. 

But, first, Jeongguk should explain how he got to this point.

 

🐾

 

As promised, Taehyung, with his plus-one of five years, Namjoon, shows up promptly to his apartment door at 21:55 p.m., dressed to the nines in perfectly suited gay club attire. Very Euphoria-esque, sticky glitter dazzling over Taehyung’s cheekbones, blended hues with cut creases over Namjoon’s eyelids. Taehyung sports a rainbow highlights, probably chalked onto his silver hair, and Namjoon has neon pink stars sprayed onto his blonde buzzcut.

Their outfits match. Silk and gay. Silver and gay. Fluttery blouses and gay. Skin-tight skinny jeans and gay. Has Jeongguk, at any point, mentioned gay? 

They might make him homophobic by the end of the night, and Jeongguk is as rainbow-blooded as they come. Imagine that. 

“Way to make me feel like a fucking third wheel,” Jeongguk glares at the adorable fluffy powder blue handcuffs hooked onto one of Namjoon’s belt loops. Proceeding to cover Bam’s ears, standing on guard next to him at the door, he continues, face pinched with disgust: “No wonder Bamie hates you bitches.”

“Chop, chop, princess,” Taehyung hangs his elbow over Namjoon’s shoulder. Even more horrifying is the way Namjoon’s arm wraps around his boyfriend’s waist, hand fully resting flat against his hip. “Let’s go paint the town red and find you an older guy.”

“You’re dead to me if you don’t,” Jeongguk warns them, menacingly wagging a finger at both his hyungs. “You look like you’re going to a rave, by the way.” He turns his nose at them, kneeling until he is nose-to-nose with Bam. “Okay, Bamie. Appa will be back. You know where your food and water is, and if you need to go out, use the flap by the balcony door. I’ll be back in the morning, kiddo!” He kisses Bam’s head, ruffling his long ears.

For reference, Jeongguk looks like a regular gay when he leaves the precious confines of his apartment building. Baggy denim pants, partially transparent white top, cream blazer, the bands of his Calvin’s snapped beat and pretty, visible over his hips and a thin silver waist chain clipped around the circumference of his tapered waist. There’s his lip piercing, rings and slicked back long hair that add to the picture, but overall? 

A normal, hot, un-besparkled gay.

(He doesn’t know if un-besparkled is a word, but he’ll officially coin it now if no one claimed it before.)

They arrive at the venue fifteen minutes later, courtesy of Taehyung’s driving skills, weaving through the late-hour lanes in Itaewon on a Saturday night. Thankfully, Jeongguk doesn’t need to throw up from motion sickness, high-tailing it into the club after IDs are approved by bouncers at the entrance.

Losing Taehyung and Namjoon is probably a bad idea considering he was relying on Taehyung for eighty percent of tonight to actually bag someone satisfactory to leave with in a few hours. Most of Jeongguk does not want to put in the work. Twenty percent is a fair amount of effort to have in his arsenal if push comes to shove.

“Am I going to get drunk tonight?” He wonders aloud. Innocently, he looks around, tapping the pulps of his fingers against the counter to a singular rhythm. Pretending to sigh pathetically, he leans against the surface, propping his cheek up with the heel of his palm. “Am I really going to have to buy my drinks myself?”

If Taehyung were here, he would’ve scoffed, then said something about Jeongguk’s despicable cosplay of an innocent, poor person trying to scam drinks out of bystanders. He can already hear his hyungs voice, berating, not instructive, which is off-putting enough at the idea.

You’re a fucking attorney, why can’t you pay for your own drinks? You certainly earn enough, Jeonggukie. Don’t make that face, it’ll get stuck like that—you know I’m right.

The mini Taehyung in his head may be correct, but Jeongguk doesn’t have the energy to take out his wallet and tap the side of his card on the machine. All his effort was put into dressing up tonight, which is. Well. Enough said, if he’s honest! He looks and feels like a five course meal, waiting to be hunted. 

“Stand up, this is a little pathetic,” Taehyung’s voice buzzes like nails into the gyri of his brain. Curse him for navigating through the crowd fast enough to intercept Jeongguk’s low-effort plan. “Not just pathetic, you’re embarrassing me. You can afford everything from the top to the bottom of the menu without batting a fucking eyelid.”

“Please shut up,” Jeongguk groans, flicking him off. “Notice how I was polite enough to say please? You should learn from that, asshole.”

Namjoon, immune to their antics, gestures for the bartender. “What do you guys want to drink? Can I get the usual, or are you two in the mood for something else?” 

Hilarious, if Jeongguk thinks about it. In situations like this, Namjoon has a tendency to become Jeongguk’s boyfriend by proxy since he ends up taking care of them both by the end of the night if things get too intense. He’s been around for a long time. Jeongguk appreciates him and the way he always supports Taehyung in everything life throws at them.

And regarding what Taehyung had mentioned earlier? Of course he knows Namjoon is going to propose soon. He helped him pick out the goddamn ring because if there is anyone who knows Taehyung better than Namjoon, it is Jeon Jeongguk in the flesh himself. Any other answer would be a straight insult to the last ten years of his life sharing underwear with Taehyung after taking them off the dryer on days when he had classes way too early.

Are you really besties for the resties if you don’t know how many holes your best friend has in his underwear or if you keep the knowledge that his mother sewed her son’s name in hangul beneath the band of said underwear? 

No, Jeongguk thinks not, thank you very much!

“Pay for Taehyungie hyung, but not for me,” Jeongguk is adamant, scanning the patrons at the bar counter. “Someone else is going to fit my bill tonight, and it certainly isn’t going to be you, Namjoon hyung.” 

He gives them ten minutes, maximum. Five, minimum. They’re going to end up in the bathrooms Taehyung knees down on the unhygienic floor, Namjoon’s back pressed to the stall door, with his dick down Taehyung’s throat. It’s a feeling Jeongguk has, not something he’s ever imagined. Of course, his hyungs are absolutely gorgeous and to die for at first sight, but his love for them is strictly platonic. Homies, if you will. It’s just that he knows them, is all. 

“Midnight, Kim Taehyung-ssi,” Jeongguk reminds him. “That’s your deadline. You know why they call it a deadline? Because you’re going to end up dead if you don’t fulfil the requirement at the end of the mandated period agreed upon.” 

“Are you on the clock? Turn that lawyer brain off, princess,” Taehyung grins, annoyingly reaching out to mess up Jeongguk’s artfully styled hair. 

Batting the hand away, Jeongguk leans back, hissing. “It took me forty-five minutes to do my hair, don’t even try anything funny! Also, the probability of you and Namjoon hyung pulling a number and vanishing on me within the next ten minutes is almost certain, so go and find me my shiny, new toy for the night or God help you, hyung, I will spill water to Namjoon hyung, not tea—”

“Shut up!” Taehyung almost screeches. “I’m going, I’m going! Namjoonie hyung, babysit him—he’s a loose cannonball waiting for a flame to strike. Unpredictable and dick hungry. God, I think Bam was sent to curb your bad habits!” 

Honestly, he doesn’t know what the fuck Taehyung is doing trying to make something akin to a cross between his forehead and shoulders, but it doesn’t make any sense because, one, he’s a fucking atheist, and two, Jeongguk has watched too many horror movies to know the formation he draws in the air isn’t even correct in the first place.

God, they truly are a pair of idiots. Perfectly suited to each other.

“Need I remind you, O’Best Friend of Mine, that Jeon Bam became Jeon Bam because I was utterly lonely since everyone decided to become super busy adults and toss me onto the street?” Jeongguk strictly points out.

“Hey, look,” Taehyung slaps both hands on either side of Jeongguk’s cheeks. “What was it Gordon Ramsey said? An idiot sandwich. Look, it’s an idiot sandwich! Need I remind you that you are one of those adults?! I had to go to Milan for Fashion Week in February, Namjoon hyung had to be in London for a seminar, and Hoseok hyung was booked for surgeries the entire week as a, oh, I don’t know, newly qualified general surgeon would be?”

He doesn’t exactly see the point Taehyung is trying to make. He is a priority as the youngest, no matter the circumstance.  

“And?”

“You impulsively screamed abandonment, adopted a child, and then had to wait three months until he was old enough for you to go out again!” Taehyung pinches his cheeks, hard. Scowling, Jeongguk wants to swat his hands away again — he’s messing up his smooth, skin-matched foundation.

“That you did do,” Namjoon supplies, extremely unhelpful from any and every angle.

“And now you’re dick crazy,” summarises Taehyung. 

Thoroughly offensive, by the way.

Jeongguk is mildly incensed. How dare he perceive him to this extent without explicit permission despite knowing Jeongguk is someone who never had a single hole in any pair of underwear ever owned?

“Don’t you worry your pretty head, though, princess! Hyung’s going to do you a solid and find someone to make you forget the cat from yesterday whom your puppy chased away!” 

Unfortunately, Taehyung amps up the volume when he says this, practically announcing it on a speaker if it wasn’t for the loud music absorbing his voice in the background. What makes it worse is that when he turns around to complain to Namjoon about Taehyung divulging his private business for the entire world to hear (the few people at the bar who truly do not give a fuck), his hyung is listing off a number of drinks instead of giving him any of the attention he truly deserves. 

Okay, maybe Taehyung does have a point, but he’s not going to say it outright. Agreeing with him will only inflate his already ballooning ego, soon to be enhanced with a popped question and a diamond encrusted engagement ring.

Fodder is the total opposite of what he needs right now.

“Um, e-excuse me, sir?” Someone stutters, oddly soundly like it’s directed at him. 

Moving his head toward the voice, Jeongguk is slightly surprised to find that he has been correct. It’s obvious that he works in this establishment, the name badge a dead giveaway. He looks far too young to be here, but Jeongguk genuinely isn’t in the right headspace to think about whether or not the employees at this place are vetted appropriately or not.

He doesn’t think Yang Jungwon would appreciate anyone interfering in his current employment, too. 

“Yes?” He answers, smiling at the boy to ease his nerves. “Anything I can help you with?”

“The gentlemen two people down from you, to the left, said whatever you order will be placed on his tab, if you’d like,” He delivers the message with a little more confidence than the introduction, sneakily pointing towards the man who has sent him over. “He’s quite handsome,” The young man whispers. “And he’s a regular, never causes any trouble. Sort of a people-observer.”

“Or a stalker,” Jeongguk can’t help but counter with, unfortunately causing all of the colour on Jungwon’s face to drain, pallor sinking into his cheeks. “I’m sure he isn’t? Oh, oh God, you look sick! Hey, kiddo, please don’t have a panic attack on me, I was only kidding!”

“No!” Jungwon squeaks out, slapping a hand to his mouth. “It’s fine! I’m fine! Excuse me!” 

Suddenly, a gust of wind alerts Jeongguk to a new presence at his side. Surely this isn’t Taehyung; this person isn’t wearing his hyung’s signature scent—this is more woodsy, earthy, hints of cedar and sandalwood permeating the air.

“Hey.”

Jeongguk freezes at the new voice. Why does this person sound sexy? 

“I was just trying to be nice to you because I overheard your friend saying it’s been three months since you left the house after you adopted your child, but if you were really that offended, you could’ve rejected it. Why did you make Jungwonie upset? He’s really such a good kid.”

And sort of a yapper. The good kind. Jeongguk can deal with it. He can so deal with it, trust him. 

“Nice to me?” Jeongguk tilts his head to the side, unwilling to face the newcomer just yet. “Is that supposed to be a euphemism or something?”

Normally, splutters would be distinctly audible by now.

However, this proves to not be the case in this scenario.

“I don’t know,” says the voice, responding to him yet again. “It depends.”

Intrigued, Jeongguk replies. “On what?”

“If you want it to be a euphemism or not—wait, don’t distract me. You should apologise to Jungwon—”

“Jin hyung, seriously, I’m fine!” comes a small voice from behind the counter, rapidly shaking his head as if it were loosely kept on by a single nail. A cloth is stationed in his hand, wiping out a glass before preparing a drink for another customer. “Don’t ruin your night because of me! You two should—you should talk!”

Jin hyung. Huh. At least he has some sort of a name from this guy. Thank you for that, Yang Jungwon!

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk offers a genuine apology, biting back any sarcasm, keeping it neatly intact for the guy hovering at his side. “Truly, Jungwon-ssi. You were just doing your job.”

“Oh my goodness, please, please don’t!” Jungwon cries out, frazzled, throwing a frantic expression at his apparent Jin hyung as if he’s asking what have you got me into, I don’t get paid enough for this. 

“It’s fine!” Jeongguk winks, sending a cute wave to Jungwon, closing that chapter for the night before the kid starts hyperventilating. He has a child at home with similar circumstances, so his heart goes out to the sweet boy who has eerily similar boba eyes Jeongguk has been constantly compared to. 

Maybe they should get a DNA test done. But, Jeongguk couldn’t have fathered anyone at such a young age. What is he thinking? He isn’t even drunk yet and he’s being stupid—the bad kind of stupid, too. His parenthood journey only began three months ago. 

“Social anxiety makes a mess of things, which is why some people prefer to send over others to do their bidding instead of using their God-given balls to tough the scary out.” 

Exaggerating a pout, Jeongguk finally turns to the man who offered to put whatever he wanted on his tab for the night. Instantly, unforgivingly, pathetically, his mouth gapes wide open. 

A prime example of look before you leap plays out before his eyes.

This man is gorgeous. Beautiful, stunning, sculpted. Tall, broad, marvellous. Almond shaped eyes, chocolate centres that Jeongguk would love to have a taste of. A plain black button-up shirt hangs loose over his body upright, but if there were movement, Jeongguk can almost guarantee it would not be the case — he has listened to Taehyung’s lectures on the mechanics of materials far too many times to not have the knowledge entombed in his mind. Then, there’s his lips. Plush, divine, heavenly. One kiss would surely have Jeongguk seeing stars from the cushion he’d fall on.

He makes his mind up right as the guy stares back at him, baby-soft smile, kindness beaming in his eyes. Oh, Jeongguk feels a little terrible for wanting to ruin him. Wanting to be ruined by him. He looks so polite. Nothing a few minutes with Jeongguk cannot remedy in the slightest — he sort of has a penchant of being an A-1 menace. 

“Hey…” Jeongguk isn’t a fan of beating around the bush. If he wants, he wants. Should he need to take, he will gladly do so (with consent, of course, always with consent!). 

“I know I just got here, but there’s nothing else for me to do here when I could certainly be spending the time with you. Wanna get outta here?”

“Two things,” Perfect, handsome stranger decides to clarify. Then, he fucking smiles, leaning against the counter so that swathes of skin are exposed to the general eye, seductive and dazzling and Jeongguk almost channels Taehyung by dropping to his knees right there and then. Man, he really is pathetic. How wonderful! “Name exchange first. Second? Sure. Your place or mine?”

“Jeongguk. And, your place. My dog doesn’t appreciate strangers.”

“I’m Seokjin. And, sure, let’s go.”

That seals the deal.

Jeongguk shoots off a text to Taehyung explicitly detailing that either of his hyungs should NOT LOOK FOR ME, DON’T CALL ME, DON’T WONDER IF I’M DEAD! A TALL, GORGEOUS SPECIMAN IS GOING TO BE FUCKING ME UNTIL I FORGET THE NAME MY PRECIOUS MOTHER GAVE ME! 

In a few seconds, Taehyung swiftly replies: You maniac. You disgust me. By the way, I’m typing this with a dick in my mouth. How’s my grammar and punctuation?

Without further adieu, Jeongguk blocks his best friend, lets Seokjin intertwine their fingers, and leaves the club with a heartwarming wave at poor Yang Jungwon, who sends him an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Huh. Maybe the kids were alright after all. 

 

🐾

 

So, Seokjin’s apartment.

First thing’s first — aside from being blessed in the facial and body department (surely he works for the physique, credit to be given where credit is due), the man is loaded.

Financially loaded. Penthouse unit. Fancy doorknob. Engraved door. Golden name plate reading Kim Seokjin hanging next to the door. 

It’s the only thing Jeongguk gets to observe before his body is being lifted against said door, hands blissfully tucking around the backs of his thighs. He’s carried up, ankles crossing behind Seokjin’s back, before being slammed into the wall. He moans at the contact, shamelessly rutting into Seokjin’s hips. When all else fails, when he sees how Seokjin smirks at his attempts to get closer, he gives up holding onto any semblance of restraint.

“Fuck this.”

Their lips are on each other instantly. Jeongguk isn’t in the mood to play nice. He’s away from home, no worries of being disturbed. Seokjin doesn’t have any rings on his fingers and there was only one pair of house slippers at the door to change into. No disturbances there, either.

(Which would also be a total turn-off. Fuck cheaters, truly.) 

Nothing is going to keep him from being fucked so stupid and dumb that it feels like he’s had a few milestones regress. 

(Walking. Talking. That type of thing. Those are the main ones. He wants to not feel his legs. Wants his tongue to loll out. Hoseok probably knows the anatomy behind it. Whatever.)

(Damn. Taehyung was right. He is dick crazy. Oh well. When in Rome!) 

The kiss is brain chemistry altering. Jeongguk thinks his neurons are being rewired, synapses impaired, junctions faltering. Something about it brings him to bare-bones instinct. Nothing about this is soft, chase, pure. Messy, biting, hungry — more along those lines. 

The highlight of it is when Seokjin drops him onto the bed. Being manhandled is doing a lot of things to him. God, he’s truly so fucking insane. One by one, his clothes hit the ground, leaving him naked. Shortly after, Seokjin follows suit. Not a lot of words are being exchanged between them, which is fine. There is only one purpose tonight — to receive the dicking of a lifetime to make up for all the past three months worth of losses.

“Fuck, that’s pretty.” 

Ah, Seokjin’s seen it. 

The belly button piercing. 

From experience, Jeongguk has been told he’s like a gift when being unwrapped. Normally, his partners like undoing him like a ribbon, opening him up like a prize. Impatience for the best of him today, unpackaging himself before Seokjin had the opportunity to take in his body.

“That’s so, so pretty, baby,” Seokjin mouths around it, taking the end of the short chain between his teeth. “You’re so perfect, everything about you is perfect.” 

And, honestly? It is pretty. Jeongguk chose it for that reason. The belly bar was a plain sphere, but there was a clear crystal butterfly hooked on, three fake diamond drops connected by sterile links. Having Seokjin’s chin nestled at the bottom of his v line, hooded eyes directed at him while his mouth drifts over the sensitive skin of his abdomen is nothing short of wrecking. 

Jeongguk wants him.

Now. 

Needs him, actually.

Desperately.

“I need you to fuck me,” Jeongguk demands, a moan echoing around his words. That tongue is lethal. Seokjin is so deadly. It’s all too exciting. What planet did he save in his previous lifetime to encounter Seokjin in all his glory in this one?

“You do?” Seokjin teases, warming the lube he applied to his fingers a few seconds ago. “Would’ve never guessed.”

Watermelon flavoured on the bottle; that sounds delicious. If he doesn’t eat Jeongguk out, all of it might be worthless. His tongue on him feels sinful, so it is imperative that he make a comparison about how it feels in him. 

For research purposes only, obviously.

Somewhere in the room, tangled in the mess of his strewn clothes, his phone begins to ring.

No one will ever be able to miss his ringtone — the chorus by IU is too addictive and deserves to be flaunted at every given moment in his most honest opinion.

“Um,” Seokjin pauses, glancing at the floor. “Do you need to get that?”

“No, no, it’s fine—wait!” He freezes.

Earlier in the evening, Hoseok agreed to check in on Bam after he got off his late call at hospital, so he promised Jeongguk to drop in and call if there was anything that needed his attention. It was the only reason he hadn’t put his phone on silent mode.

“No, oh my god, one second, I’m so sorry!”

Scurrying off the bed naked would be slightly mortifying if it hadn’t been for the fact that Seokjin was practically worshiping his body a few seconds ago, so Jeongguk allows it to slide, thankful for his metaphorical thick skin. He digs through the clothes to find his phone.

As expected, Hoseok’s name flashes across the screen.

“Hyung!” Jeongguk answers immediately. “What’s wrong? Is Bam okay?”

“Jeonggukie, I’m really sorry,” Hoseok is so sweet, such a perfect hyung. “Hyung really didn’t mean to disturb you, but I’ve been trying to get Bam to calm down for the last half an hour and he keeps crying. One of your neighbours just came by to ask if he was okay and I really don’t want you to get a noise complaint. He’s also lying on his tummy, rolling around, trying to paw at his stomach. So, maybe he ate something outside that he wasn’t supposed to?”

That effectively sobers Jeongguk up. His lust daze dissolves at the snap of a finger, already putting his clothes back on with the phone stuck between his shoulder and ear. Being a parent was a full time task no matter what the situation is, and right now, his baby needs him.

“Um, you know his vet, right? I’ll drop the location pin to you. I know it’s really unfair to ask this of you, hyung, but can you please drop him off there? I’ll get a taxi to go there and take over, please and thank you. If he’s crying so much and pawing at his tummy, that can’t be good. What if he ate an insect or something?! I know you just clocked out, I’m really sorry to do this to you—”

“It’s fine, I’m starting late tomorrow, so I can do this for our baby Bamie. I’ll drive him over, just send me the location. It’s twenty-four hours, right? Meet you there in twenty?”

“Yes, around twenty minutes! Thanks, love you! I’ll buy you dinner soon like the good dongsaeng I am. Please tell Taehyung and Namjoon that you’re my favourite hyung.” 

“Why tell them something they are well aware of? Okay, let’s not waste time, see you there!” 

The call ends. Jeongguk is already dressed.

Like a splash of cold water over his whole body, he remembers exactly where he is and what he had been doing prior to this phone call. 

He turns to Seokjin, an apology waiting on his lips, only to see Seokjin already dressed, too.

A pained sound of confusion leaves his lips. “Um. My dog is sick. I’m really, really sorry, he’s my baby. I have to go.”

“I heard,” Seokjin smiles softly, pointing to the phone in Jeongguk’s hand. “C’mon, I’ll give you a ride. It’s too late for you to take a taxi.” 

“What?” He blurts out. “No, no, that’s not what I—”

“I would feel better if I dropped you off, so let’s just say this is for me, and not you,” Seokjin barters smartly, successfully stumping Jeongguk’s refusal. 

“Are you sure?” 

Jeongguk’s mind is running miles per minute. There is so much going on in his mind right now. What could be happening to Bam right now? If only he hadn’t been so insistent on going out tonight, he could’ve been at home to prevent whatever happened. Having someone take him to the veterinarian would make it easy since he already feels entirely too flustered at the moment.

“Jeongguk-ah, let’s go to my car. Put the location into the navigation, alright?” 

It should end there. Too distressed to think about anything else, Jeongguk agrees, personality taking a complete one hundred and eighty degrees compared to how it was only ten minutes ago. Ushering him into the passenger seat of his car, Seokjin begins to drive after Jeongguk taps the address in. 

However, it certainly does not end there.

When they get to the vet, Seokjin parks his car and practically rushes inside with him. Hoseok flashes him a surprised look, albeit tired, covering it up by introducing himself to Seokjin while Jeongguk goes to the back to where Bam is on the bed, whining and crying out for him.

Thankfully, it’s not serious. An X-Ray had already been done with no abnormalities detected. Bam’s doctor explains something that Jeongguk hardly pays attention to, gathering his baby into his arms, tears of relief escaping his eyes. 

Almost an hour later, Jeongguk walks back into the waiting room, Bam resting peacefully over his shoulder, body held like a newborn in his father’s arms. 

For some reason, Seokjin is still there.

“You’re… What are you… You didn’t leave yet?” Jeongguk blinks, befuddled. His mouth drops after his scattered thoughts string together something barely useful.

“Mhm,” Seokjin nods, cooing softly at Bam. He runs a hand down his baby’s back soothingly. “He’s so sweet. What an angel.” If only he knew. “I’ll give you a ride home. You’re with child,” He points to Bam, and Jeongguk has to suppress a bout of laughter at that.

Good looking and funny. Such a shame that he can’t confirm the third thing.

“You’re awfully nice to me,” Jeongguk doesn’t bother fussing, accepting the ride home. Even Bam, tuckered out after the events of his evening, gets comfortable in the backseat of Seokjin’s car after the owner himself lays a blanket down for him to rest on. “Where did you get that from?”

“Oh, I bought it from the vet, I figured your baby would want to be comfy on the way home. It’s been a little rough for buddy, hasn’t it?”

“Bam,” Jeongguk offers, biting down on his bottom lip. “His name is Jeon Bam, and I’m… Jeon Jeongguk. Thank you, honestly. I’ve been in a state, and you’ve been so patient…”

“It’s fine, honestly,” Seokjin reassures him. “Happens to the best of us. He’s only three months, right? You’re taking care of him by yourself, too. You deserve to cut yourself some slack. You’re doing well so far!”

Jeongguk swears he dies and goes to heaven the moment Seokjin turns the heat on in the car. Somehow, this angelic man happens to know everything he needs before Jeongguk comes to terms with it. How did someone this perfect exist out there and not end up in his orbit earlier?

“My family has had dogs before, but those were more family dogs back home. With Bamie, I’m on my own. My friends help, don’t get me wrong, but he’s… He’s very scared of strangers. Even when I adopted him, I was told that he usually doesn’t like people, even the other dogs, but he liked me. He was all alone when I went to see him. The pups were playing with each other, but he was in a corner all by his lonesome. I had to have him. I had to…” 

Jeongguk tears up thinking about the day he brought Bam home. 

Bam hadn’t even been Bam at that time, Jeongguk had called him aegi for almost two whole weeks.

“My friends love him, too. He’s loved by so many people, but truthfully? He really doesn’t like anyone besides me. Which is flattering, don’t get me wrong, but I worry about him being lonely. He’s so young, I’m hoping it’s a habit he grows out of.”

Here’s the thing about Jeongguk when it comes to Bam: he could talk for hours about him, longer than some of his trials take, and it would hardly cover any basics. Bam has become Jeongguk’s world and mainstay form of judging someone, so if he doesn’t like them, as much as Jeongguk feels sorrow in the moment no matter how much they clicked, he trusts his puppy’s judgement.

“He is young,” Seokjin agrees, “but he’s smart. He trusts you, too. Dogs are better than humans ninety-nine percent of the time. Babies and dogs, and you basically have a combination of both, so it’s really telling.”

God, he’s perfect. The only thing that would put the cherry on top of the cake is:

“Hey, Seokjin? How old are you?” asks Jeongguk, rolling his head on the headrest to drink the man in. Driving one-armed in hot. Everything about him is wonderful. Perfect. Divine. Godly, even.

“Thirty three,” Seokjin chuckles, steering the wheel with the heel of his palm. And, there it is. Jeongguk is so fucked. “Why? Is that a deal-breaker?”

“More like a deal sealer,” mumbles Jeongguk. He licks his lips, biting down a smile. “You’re my hyung, then. I’m twenty eight.”

Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

His brain chooses this moment to chant.

Alas, how unfortunate it will be when Bam tries to bite Seokjin’s fingers off! It was such a swell run, Jeongguk genuinely cannot believe his luck of bumping into two perfect men one after the other. There was no hope for Yoongi, and here Seokjin is, soon to slip away from his fingers.

“I’ll carry him inside for you,” Seokjin offers.

“No, no, it’s fine, really, he’s scared of—”

Flatline. White noise. Eternal silence. 

Jeongguk’s heart drops to his feet when he hears the sound of Bam waking up from the blanket Seokjin had left for him to sleep on, places his front paws onto the middle console, and lightly licks into the hand Seokjin has held out for him.

Licks. Not bites.

Bam only ever licks Jeongguk. Otherwise, he adores using his teeth on the general populus. Jeongguk chalks it up to sharpening and gets away with it unscathed since both he and his baby are utterly precious souls.

(Jeongguk brings down corporations by millions every other week, make no mistake. He is not to be trifled with on the clock.)

“Oh?” Seokjin’s surprise is almost comical based on everything Jeongguk told him in the last ten minutes. Bam is on the verge of sending Jeongguk into cardiac arrest when he nuzzles his head into Seokjin’s hand, allowing him to scratch his ears. Awed, Seokjin looks up, eyes glittering, gleaming, wholesome. “I think he likes me?”

“Seokjin hyung.” Jeongguk wastes no time. “Give me your number. Now.”

 

Notes:

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