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To say that Jiang Cheng was surprised when the doctor confirmed what he had already known wouldn’t have been quite accurate. It wasn’t so much that he was surprised, or even shocked, it was more…
Unwittingly, he placed a hand on his lower abdomen, where just the tiniest swelling could be felt; something that could have easily been explained away with him nowadays toiling in his office and eating his sister’s good cooking instead of choking down dried rations on the battlefields of the Sunshot Campaign.
“I should have seen this coming,” he said, quietly, and turned his back on the doctor for what little privacy he could get in this moment.
He knew he would just be worrying Doctor Li with his behavior; Jiang Cheng wasn’t exactly known for taking life-changing news quietly. But he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t, not right now.
“Excuse me. I have to go.”
“Zongzhu…!”
He didn’t quite flee but it was close.
Ever since he was a small child, Jiang Cheng had run to one of two people when he needed comfort: Jiang Yanli, when he craved hugs, or Wei Wuxian, when he craved distractions. He would have preferred distractions today but, well, Wei Wuxian wasn’t here and that was exactly why he needed a distraction, so…
Since it was a rainy day, Jiang Yani had retreated to her rooms, where she was embroidering the robe she meant to gift her future mother-in-law; she had been toiling on it for weeks.
Seeing that pale golden robe draped on his sister’s lap, being smacked in the face with this acute reminder that she would soon be leaving, too, was the very last thing Jiang Cheng needed in his current state.
Jiang Cheng managed exactly one gasp of an inhale before he lost his battle against the sobs welling up in him.
Jiang Yanli dropped her work mid-stitch and leaped to her feet to pull him into her arms, demanding, “A-Cheng! What happened? Are you hurt? Was someone cruel to you?” Her hands were gentle on his face and his body as she searched for injuries. Only when he had shaken his head often enough and she was satisfied with the results of sizing him up, did she pull him along to sit with her on the daybed. One hand was still holding on to his, while she had her other arm wrapped around his shoulders.
“Tell Jiejie what happened, A-Cheng,” she coaxed, just like she would when they were children.
Jiang Cheng’s hands balled into fistfuls of her robes, clinging to her – just like he would when they were children. For a while, he only sat there and cried on her shoulder, before he finally whispered, “Jiejie, I’m pregnant.”
It wasn’t a surprise. He had always known it could happen, and while they had been careful during the war, he honestly wouldn’t have minded once they were home again. But then Wei Wuxian had left and…
It wasn’t that he minded, as such, even now, he didn’t mind the baby, he knew already that he wanted to keep them and not only to ease the pressure of getting married and having an heir; it was just that this baby could hardly have come at a more bittersweet time. Even a wartime pregnancy would have been more joyful, even if infinitely more dangerous.
He felt more than heard Jiang Yanli’s deep exhale. Her hands were very soft as they removed his guan and combed through his hair. “Are you going to tell A-Xian?” she asked, her voice just as hushed as his.
Jiang Cheng wasn’t in a mood to be smiling but he still felt overcome by a rush of love for his sweet sister, who had always accepted and supported him as the man he was, both literally and figuratively. Jiang Yanli was good with people in ways Jiang Cheng couldn’t even comprehend, the way she would never tell you what to feel or do, but would guide you towards feeling better about yourself and whatever it was you chose to do.
Once, having Wei Wuxian’s baby would have made Jiang Cheng giddy with joy. He had always wanted a family, and he had actually been pretty excited when it first registered with him that his body being what it was meant that if they wanted, they could have biological children despite both being men. His excitement had by far outweighed any worries that he might feel ill at ease with his body during pregnancy.
But now…
“It shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have been careless.”
He had been careless, there was nothing else to it. But he had stopped including the contraceptive techniques in his daily meditation when Wei Wuxian left for the Burial Mounds, there had been no more need for them, and then after that parting of ways that was nowhere near as staged as Wei Wuxian liked to pretend… Techniques or teas to prevent the seed from taking root had been the last thing on his mind at that point in time. It had only happened once, anyway, just one last time, one last moment of weakness that was supposed to last him through the lonely years to come.
Put like this, it was very easy to find his answer.
“I don’t want to be an obligation to him.”
Jiang Yanli pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Oh A-Cheng, you could never be an obligation. A-Xian loves you.”
A new wave of tears burned in his eyes. Could he already blame his tears on the pregnancy? But no, this was his jiejie, she knew he had always been prone to tears, pregnant or not. “But he couldn’t stay, either.”
Regardless of his sister’s quiet worry, Jiang Cheng’s decision stood.
He would not go to the Burial Mounds and tell Wei Wuxian.
It wasn’t… Well. He was mostly sure that learning of the baby would make Wei Wuxian return, and he was afraid of having him back while forever wondering, worrying if this wasn’t where he wanted to be – how much longer it would be until he grew to resent Jiang Cheng and their child for tying him to responsibilities he didn’t want and to supporting decisions that went against his morals.
Just as much as he feared Wei Wuxian returning, he feared that he would not. He couldn’t say what would be worse, if he accused Jiang Cheng of using the baby to force his hand or if he was very regretful, but the Wen simply needed him more.
So, Jiang Cheng’s decision stood.
Jiang Yanli’s wedding was rescheduled for after the Hundred Days celebration, not that any Jin other than Jin Zixuan and Madam Jin knew the reason. He would have rather seen her happily wed, but she had insisted she wouldn’t be able to enjoy newlywed bliss while worrying about a heavily pregnant Jiang Cheng left behind in Lotus Pier, and honestly, he wasn’t too keen on either having to make a spectacle out of himself attending the wedding visibly pregnant or sitting it out altogether.
It was fine. Madam Jin was covering for them with the delay, and Yunmeng Jiang’s disciples had become very protective of the unborn heir. They were ready to keep the secret until whenever Jiang Cheng was ready to face the questions of the cultivation world – and with it, Wei Wuxian’s.
It was a good plan.
It was a plan that accounted for everything.
It was a plan that accounted for everything except for Wei Wuxian being Wei Wuxian.
Jiang Cheng was seven months pregnant, he was constantly tired, in pain, and in need of a chamber pot. He did not have the patience for that.
That being Wei Wuxian, awaiting his return lurking right here in his bedroom in Lotus Pier, looking absolutely ridiculous in his disguise consisting of tattered black robes and an equally tattered black hood. As if this wasn’t exactly how everybody pictured the Yiling Laozu.
Jiang Cheng lifted his right hand, bearing Zidian. It made him feel a little bit better about the – very dignified, mind you! – waddle that had replaced his menacing stalk.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Wei Wuxian?!” he hissed, and he couldn’t help looking around nervously as if he expected Jin Guangshan to be lurking behind his bathtub, ready to condemn him for dallying with the cultivation world’s persona non grata. This fear wasn’t quite so unreasonable when you considered that he already had the freaking Yiling Laozu lurking behind his silk folding screen, the new one for the baby that was painted with frolicking ducklings.
“When the fuck were you going to tell me that we are having a baby, Jiang Cheng?” Wei Wuxian shot back as he unfolded his long legs and rose to his feet with movements that were far too lazy and casual to be anything but tense. Wei Wuxian had always used a pretense of nonchalance as his shield.
Jiang Cheng, the fearsome master of Zidian who had rebuilt his sect and avenged his clan, just stood there and gaped at him. He was still stuck on Wei Wuxian being here at all, never mind the rest of it. He distinctly did not have the emotional capacity right now to process the rest of it.
Wei Wuxian picked up the uncorked jar of wine on the table and saluted to Jiang Cheng before he brought it to his lips. “I didn’t think you’d be having any, so I started by myself.”
He sounded at ease. It was his Yiling Laozu at ease.
Despite everything, Jiang Cheng felt guilt settle in his belly alongside the ever-present heartburn. A hurt Wei Wuxian only acted quite so nonchalantly when he was deeply wounded or felt cornered. His false bravado had always been the loudest.
“I…”
He was still standing around stupidly. Belatedly, Jiang Cheng remembered that he had hands, and even feet, and latter meant he could walk to the daybed he had gotten when getting up from the floor became an ordeal. Well, he could waddle there, but it got him off said aching feet and that was good enough for him these days.
Wei Wuxian watched him with wide eyes. He kept starting to move forward, his hands twitching, but then he aborted his movement every time and remained where he was, clinging to the jar of liquor for dear life.
“You really are pregnant,” Wei Wuxian said, and he sounded so baffled that Jiang Cheng dearly regretted having just sat down. He would have liked to punch him, but it wasn’t worth getting up again.
“What? Did you think I swallowed a cuju ball just to spite you?”
“You. You are having our baby,” Wei Wuxian went on to exclaim like this was some grand new revelation.
Honestly, between all of that and showing up here in the first place, Jiang Cheng was starting to wonder if the Burial Mounds had scrambled his brain. He had told him that it was no place to live permanently, even if Wei Wuxian looked healthier and more himself now than he had when he left Lotus Pier behind – and this was just going to be another thing Jiang Cheng refused to examine.
He twitched again and this time, he couldn’t stop it, Wei Wuxian was inevitably drawn closer until he was so close that he could have touched if he reached out. Yet he stood there fidgeting, clearly uncertain whether he was still allowed to touch.
Jiang Cheng had always been a soft-hearted fool for Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian alone, ever since they were children, and seeing Wei Wuxian so openly vulnerable now, so stripped of all that Yiling Laozu nonchalance and every other pretense to hide behind…
“This doesn’t mean anything,” he cautioned as he reached out and caught Wei Wuxian’s fidgeting hand, and pulled him closer.
Wei Wuxian perched himself on the very edge of the daybed, apparently still uncertain of his welcome even now, and he kept looking at Jiang Cheng with these huge eyes that were rapidly growing red-rimmed with tears he refused to shed. It looked ridiculous with him still wearing the silly black hood.
So Jiang Cheng, naturally, had to push back his hood, simply because he couldn’t have the other parent of his child look ridiculous.
“A-Cheng…” Wei Wuxian’s voice trembled. “Were you ever going to tell me?”
The guilt burned stronger than the heartburn now.
Jiang Cheng lifted his chin haughtily. “You would have known once the official announcement went out.”
In truth, he hadn’t figured out yet when he would make an announcement, or what exactly it would entail. He liked to think he wouldn’t have been so much of a coward as to fudge the dates and let Wei Wuxian believe that the child must be the result of a rebound fling after their parting of ways, but ultimately, he wouldn’t have known until the day came. Everybody knew that Jiang Fengmian’s son had once been announced to the cultivation world as his newborn daughter, so he couldn’t get away with claiming the child as a bastard he had sired with a random prostitute or village girl, but there were plenty of other options that didn’t involve Wei Wuxian. He would have figured something out. Eventually.
Wei Wuxian made a pained noise as if he understood exactly where Jiang Cheng’s thoughts had been going with the public announcement.
But then Wei Wuxian looked at him, so intently, so desperately, and said, just as pained, “I should have been here.”
Jiang Cheng stiffened. “You should be on the Burial Mounds! Your Wen will be besieged the moment word gets out you left, and all your sacrifices will have been for naught!” He sucked in a sharp breath and straightened as much as his extra weight would permit. “I can’t give my blessings and I can’t approve, I never will, but what is done is done, and I will be damned if I let you gamble away both Yunmeng Jiang and Wen Qing’s life!”
Wei Wuxian gave a suspiciously wet laugh. “Of course you would nag me into doing it properly if I must defect. If I must be an enemy to the cultivation world, I can’t be a slacker of a villain.”
“I don’t want you to be a villain!” Jiang Cheng spat, and damn his tears, damn his pregnancy moods, damn his being himself moods, damn all of it that made the tears well over in his eyes. He couldn’t fight them anymore. “I don’t want you gone at all! But if my child is going to grow up without their other father, then I want it at least to have served a purpose!”
“Do you even listen to yourself, Jiang Cheng! Do you think I’m here to… to…” He threw his hands into the air, apparently rendered speechless for once. He reached for Jiang Cheng again, and this time he was courageous enough to cup his cheek gently with his trembling hand and wipe his tears away with the pad of his thumb.
He was so gentle, it just made Jiang Cheng’s tears come faster. He had spent so long telling himself that he didn’t mind doing it by himself, that he even preferred it this way, that forever playful, whimsical Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have been any help anyway, but he had always known it to be nothing but lies. He had always known he was just trying to soothe his wounded pride and wounded heart.
“I left Wen Ning behind, and I have protective arrays in place. It will buy us time until we can figure out a permanent solution. If I must, I’ll destroy the Yin Iron and I’ll kowtow to the sect leaders for forgiveness, or whatever else it takes to end it.” He hesitated for a moment before forging on, “It’s alright if you won’t take me back as your lover or a sect member, but I’ll be here for you and our baby in whatever way you need me.” And then he faltered suddenly, sinking down into himself. “Unless… unless you don’t want me to. If you don’t want the Yiling Laozu tainting your chi…”
That’s as far as Jiang Cheng would let this nonsense go, and no farther.
He shut him up with a very firm, very decisive kiss.
Wei Wuxian was back, if in secret, and it both made and didn’t make a world of difference.
Jiang Yanli cried when she pulled him into his arms and cried even harder when she learned he was here to stay. Whatever anger or hurt she might have felt, she had never let Jiang Cheng see it, but she hadn’t been able to hide how much the worry weighed on her. Even politics and future doom aside, the Burial Mounds was no place to live, least of all for someone the resentment had already dug its claws into as deep as Wei Wuxian.
It also didn’t change anything, for he would still not give up his Wen. The three of them debated and argued and screamed until late into the night, and were eventually joined by Wen Qing as well – Wei Wuxian knew Jiang Cheng had always listened to her, and he wasn’t above playing dirty to get him a doctor that could make him rest. But no matter how many heads were banged against a wall, they kept going in circles. Wei Wuxian was willing to sacrifice both his pride and power to reconcile himself with the cultivation world, he was even willing to confess to his wrongdoings and beg forgiveness for them. But he didn’t believe he was wrong, he hadn’t changed his mind. He still wouldn’t sacrifice the safety of the Dafan Wen, and there they came full circle since the only way the Wen could be protected was through Wei Wuxian’s power and renegade actions.
“Don’t lose hope, Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian coaxed as they cuddled on a pier, Jiang Cheng cooling his aching feet in the water while Wei Wuxian was taking turns offering him lotus seeds roasted with chili flakes and sour candy, and mock pouted when Jiang Cheng demanded sweet foods instead. “If it were easy, we would have thought of a way before I had to defect.”
“We’re running out of time. If someone catches on that you left the Burial Mounds…”
“I know.” He tightened his hold on Jiang Cheng, which was funny since he didn’t have to fear Jiang Cheng running, but Jiang Cheng did very much fear that all these promises of a shared future would be for naught once Wei Wuxian was made to choose where he would stand his ground.
Wei Wuxian had always been self-sacrificing. Sometimes, Jiang Cheng hated him for it. He was so busy cutting himself into pieces, he never considered that he wasn’t the only one paying for his self-sacrifices.
Not wanting to think about such things right now, Jiang Cheng lifted his head from Wei Wuxian’s shoulder to give him a suspicious look. “You never told me how you learned of my pregnancy.”
It was quite impressive, really, the lengths Wei Wuxian had gone to to avoid answering.
He chuckled nervously. “Ah. Well. That’s a funny story. And you have to promise you won’t tell Shijie. Promise it, A-Cheng!”
Jiang Cheng considered it, but yes, he was curious enough to promise.
“Well.” Another laugh. “It really is a funny story.”
“Stop stalling.” It had to be truly bad for shameless Wei Wuxian to be embarrassed, Jiang Cheng was already impressed.
He cleared his throat. “So there I was, furious after I’d heard that Shijie’s wedding would be delayed by a year. I thought the peacock was trying to weasel out of it again! And then I learned he was night hunting right near Yiling.” He paused. “I was very furious.”
Jiang Cheng took a deep, calming breath, and reminded himself that his jiejie had only just received a letter from her very much alive fiancé.
“I was going to pluck that peacock’s feathers a little, you know? Put the fear of Yiling Laozu in him, and remind him not to toy with Shijie’s feelings. So I separated him from his group, and then I plucked his feathers about the delay, and guess what he told me?”
“Ah.”
“Don’t give me that disapproving look, A-Cheng!”
“I’m not, but you get to explain to Jie why her peacock has been plucked.”
Wei Wuxian gave his best loud, pathetic whine, complete with wide, begging puppy eyes. “A-Cheng…!”
Jiang Cheng laughed. It was good to have Wei Wuxian back. His heart only felt even giddier when Wei Wuxian started to pepper his face with pleading little kisses to coax him into protecting him from Jiang Yanli’s wrath.
He would never admit it, Wei Wuxian would be insufferable if he knew, but he found himself hoping their baby would have Wei Wuxian’s sense of humor.
Out of all the mortifying fates Wei Wuxian could have suffered, he found himself suffering the most mortifying of them all just a couple of weeks later when Jin Zixuan came to visit: It was he, the much-reviled golden peacock, who came up with a workable solution for Wei Wuxian’s not-so-little Wen-shaped problem, and they all knew that Wei Wuxian would never live it down.
It was just in time, too, for rumors had started to spring up that it had been an awfully long time since the Yiling Laozu menaced the town. Had he fallen sick to his own resentment? Had his faithless Wen pets slaughtered him for his wartime crimes against their clan?
Jiang Cheng, now nine months pregnant, had to leave the details to his sister and her fiancé, as well as Jin Guangyao who had been involved for reasons Jiang Cheng didn’t quite understand but assumed came down to his sister’s good heart and desire for a harmonious family – or Shijie knows he’s smarter than her peacock, as Wei Wuxian put it. Anyway, it came down to Jin Guangyao discovering the secret of Jiang Cheng being pregnant with the Yiling Laozu’s child, thus permitting Jin Guangshan to blackmail Wei Wuxian into giving up his Wen to a coalition of the sects as hostages for his good behavior. In return, he would be allowed to return to Lotus Pier and watch his child grow up. The Wen were to live in Dafan under guard by the victorious sects, for which the Jiang had to foot the bill, but they would be safe as only living hostages could be used against the Yiling Laozu.
Most sects were willing to believe he would settle down with the responsibilities of family life – the initial outrage over his rebellion had passed, and for all their tough talk about curbing his heretical ways, nobody was eager to risk a battle against these heretical methods.
It wasn’t a perfect solution, as Jin Guangshan’s greed for his piece of the Yin Iron would undoubtedly reawaken soon enough, and Wen Ning’s existence remained a point of contention for all righteous cultivators, but for now, Jin Guangshan seemed happy enough that he had ground both the Jiang sect and the Yiling Laozu’s pride to dust beneath his heel.
For now, it was good enough.
Jiang Cheng sat in the pavilion on the river, aching feet propped up, and enjoyed the cool evening breeze when Wei Wuxian joined him.
He reached behind him to pat Wei Wuxian in greeting - getting up was far too much trouble at this point. Predictably, Wei Wuxian grasped his hand, bringing it to his lips for an obnoxiously wet and loud kiss to his fingers.
“Wei Wuxian!” he whined, mortified, and made a point of wiping his hand on his lover’s robes. He could only hold out a moment longer before he joined in Wei Wuxian’s laughter, and then, when Wei Wuxian sprawled on the ground and placed his chin cutely on Jiang Cheng’s knees, he wouldn’t have stood a chance against his smile anyway.
“Tell me what you did, and who wants to break your legs for it,” he grumbled, eyebrows raised in suspicion.
“A-Cheng is so mean!” Wei Wuxian pouted and batted his eyelashes, which did nothing to convince Jiang Cheng of his innocence, yet it definitely did something to make him smile even wider.
“I finished the toy horse.”
He rolled his eyes, even as he took to running his fingers through Wei Wuxian’s hair. “Between you and Jiejie, this child will have toys enough toys for three.”
Wei Wuxian’s mischievous smile lit up his entire face. “That sounds like a good reason to have two more!”
“Hah! Ask me when I can put on my own boots again!”
“Did you hear that, baby?” Wei Wuxian stage whispered to his belly. “That’s not a no.”
Jiang Cheng cleared his throat, but of course that did nothing against the blush burning on his cheeks. “You’ll have to stay if you want an answer,” he said, aiming for a scornful tone of voice, though at best he managed neutral.
Wei Wuxian grasped his hands, his thumb caressing over Zidian’s ring, and met his eyes. He looked no less happy, but the joking expression had been replaced with a solemn joy. “I’m home, A-Cheng. There is nowhere else I would rather be.”
There were a thousand harsh answers Jiang Cheng could have given, but at this moment, he felt no need to reach for any of them.
Love and trust were a slow process; they were also a choice. Jiang Cheng had chosen to trust in him and his love. He had chosen to let himself be happy.
“I know,” he said, and what he meant was, I believe you.