Chapter Text
Sometimes, your friend has other friends. And it’s fine, really. It’s healthy. Normal. Humans are social beings by default, and it’s unrealistic to expect one single person to devote all their time to you.
So, it’s totally okay for your best friend and their other friends to do stuff together. Away from you. And not tell you about it. Or invite you to join them.
Yeah. Absolutely fine.
“Stop it, Gojo.” Shoko complains, elbowing him on the ribs, “You’re making me uncomfortable.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Your bad vibes are throwing me off.”
Satoru scoffs.
“I never give off bad vibes,” he says, crossing his arms. “I’m just upset they didn’t invite me to play! I mean, why did they ask Suguru but not us?”
Satoru returned from a private lesson with Professor Yaga to find Suguru and the juniors practicing baseball plays down on the training grounds. So he dragged Shoko there to spy on them from the stands with the excuse of catching up with her.
“Speak for yourself. I was invited but said no.” she informs, smug.
Satoru’s eyes go wide with shock.
“What??? So you’re saying it’s just ME?”
Shoko nods. “That’s because Nanami doesn’t like you.”
Skeptical, he looks down at her over his sunglasses.
“That simply can’t be true.”
“He doesn’t respect you.”
At Shoko’s retort, he shrugs, looking up to the clear blue sky.
“Okay, that could be true.”
“Geto is nice to them, so they like him.” she adds, “Especially cute little Haibara.”
“Yes.” Satoru repeats after her, “Especially Haibara.”
At his constricted tone, Shoko looks down at the game. Suguru and Haibara are laughing together, side by side, their arms touching. They look closer than they are, more intimate, and that is probably the reason for Satoru’s unexpectedly sour mood.
“Whatever.” He sips his drink “We don’t even like baseball all that much, anyway.”
Shoko snorts.
“Who’s we? I love baseball; it pairs well with beer.”
“Sure, little miss underage drinker.” He rolls his eyes “I’m not talking about you. Keep up with the program, yes?”
Right. Of course.
“I think you’re into him.” Shoko drawls, glancing at him. “Geto, I mean.”
“What? Why?” Satoru turns his whole body in her direction, then glances down at the field with the corner of his eye, “What makes you think that?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re drilling holes in his back with ‘em baby blues just because he’s laughing with somebody else?”
Caught red-handed, Satoru averts his eyes from the pair, pressing his lips in a thin line. Jealousy is not a good look on him, so he tries to go off the tangent.
“That’s obviously not what I’m doing. I’m just bored, and he’s right in front of me. It’s not like I’m attracted to his forearms in those rolled-up sleeves or how his hair shines so bright in the sun or whatever.”
His explanation is followed by a long, uncomfortable silence. Shoko’s lack of response makes Satoru turn his eyes to her again. She looks mildly shocked, and that’s a first.
“What the fuck was that?” Shoko finally asks once she regains speech, with Satoru’s full attention on her.
“What the fuck was what?” He mirrors the question, then rolls his eyes, waving a dismissive hand “Never mind. Don’t you have somewhere else to be? You’re always so busy.”
“No, no, I’ve got plenty of time now. Let’s keep talking about Geto’s shiny hair and how you don’t have a crush on him at all.”
“I DON’T have a crush on him.” He insists, stressing the word.
Shoko frowns, seriously considering the topic now.
“I mean — I was kinda joking before but I think I might be onto something.”
“He’s my best friend.” Satoru protests right away. It’s a shitty argument; they both know it.
“Right.” She clicks her tongue, “Best friends fantasize about each other’s forearms all the time, for sure. Just normal bestie behavior, dudes being bros.”
Satoru goes silent.
“I mean, they’re not mutually exclusive, you know?” Shoko adds patiently, “You have a best friend and a crush, and they happen to be the same person. You’re multitasking!”
Exasperated, Satoru rubs his face and sighs. Of all places, of all people, he had to do it right now, right in front of her. This slip of the tongue’s sure to cost him dearly.
“Fuck.”
“It’s okay, those are really good forearms, if I’m allowed to say so.”
“You wanna see those bad vibes now??”
Satoru glares at her like an angry cat and she laughs, holding out her hands in surrender.
“I’m sorry, I’ll stop.”
After a moment of contemplative silence, he sighs again, fiddling with his can of soda.
“I’m fucked. No, seriously. What do I do now?”
How do you move on from finding out you’re probably — surely crushing on your best friend? Forget everyone else; now that he said it out loud, there’s no taking it back; he can’t even lie to himself anymore.
“Maybe confess?” Shoko suggests, looking at him like it’s so fucking obvious.
“Hell no!” Satoru wails his arms, appalled “That’s not... No.”
“The way I see it, he can’t accept or return your feelings if he doesn’t know you have them.”
Suguru is so great, so smart, so caring. Not to mention super hot and insanely popular. He could have anyone he wanted.
Besides, even though they’re a famous pair in school and unanimously considered the strongest duo, they’re still so different in many ways. Even if he wanted to try, it could just… not work out, and then he’d have ruined everything.
“The way I see it, he can’t reject me and never speak to me again if I don’t say anything.”
The answer leaves Shoko stunned.
“Scared much? Not very Satoru Gojo of you.”
The funny thing — in a totally ironic and sad way — is that’s the only Satoru Gojo— the real one, the one he can’t ever show anyone. Who would like to know their strongest weapon, best tool, and last line of defense is not perfect? They’re counting on him, so he works hard and even harder.
Looking back, he was so lonely for so long. Suguru’s arrival made him feel like a real person, and honestly, being best friends is enough if he can keep him close. Satoru was never one to gamble when the outcome was uncertain, and he isn’t about to start now. Not when the stakes are so high.
“Do you think I’m stupid?” He asks, unusually self-conscious.
“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Shoko shrugs “But that’s nothing new. It’s your life; do whatever you want. Just know that if you don’t make a move, maybe someone else will.” She warns before changing the subject.
Down on the field, playtime comes to an end. Suguru must’ve had fun because he’s smiling wide enough to make Satoru go blind even with his sunglasses. Haibara walks beside him, with Nanami by his other side. They’re all in a good mood and for a second Satoru envies and resents Suguru’s way with people, his empathetic personality, or his soft smiles which make him seem so approachable.
The juniors wave him goodbye and go in the other direction, taking the baseball gear with them, while Suguru climbs the stands to where Shoko and Satoru are waiting. He’s sweaty and happy and handsome, and Shoko’s words keep coming to the front of Satoru’s mind.
“What are you talking about?” Suguru asks when he joins them, plopping between the two like a tired sack of potatoes. He takes a swig from Satoru’s melon soda, frowning at the overly sweet taste, then accepts the water bottle Satoru takes from his backpack.
“Haibara.” Shoko smiles at him “He’s cute, isn’t he?”
“I guess?” Suguru studies the boy from afar “Kinda like a puppy.”
“Real fucking adorable.” Satoru grunts.
Suguru turns to him, concerned. “Hey, are you okay?”
Ignoring Shoko’s pointed looks, he makes an OK sign with his hand, a plastic smile firmly in place.
“Peachy.” he spits out, obviously not peachy at all, then impressively downs the rest of his melon soda, crumpling the empty can in his hand.
“Yeah.” Suguru’s clipped answer reeks of suspicion: “Sure.”
“So, what are we doing this weekend?”
With the much-welcomed change of subject, Satoru’s mood visibly brightens. They stay at the stands for a while, just enjoying the spring sun in an afternoon with no missions, no life threats, and no teachers. Just regular teens talking about cartoons and cracking stupid jokes, satisfied by their own company.
Satoru talks shit and Suguru laughs his ass off — sitting close together, it’s funny how they mirror each other’s movements, shaking their heads in the same way, slapping and poking one another, their moves completely in sync. Do they even notice? Shoko wonders, watching them fondly. They complement each other so well it almost feels like intruding, just being near them. It’s unbelievable that they can’t see what is so painfully obvious to everyone else.
Her phone goes off, and she takes it from her bag while Satoru cranes his neck over Suguru to peep at the name on the screen.
“OH look, it’s your giiiiirlfriend” he sing-songs teasingly.
Suguru pushes his face away with both hands.
“Leave her alone, Satoru.”
“But I’m not doing anything.”
“You’re being annoying.”
As they start to bicker with each other, Shoko jumps up, waving her phone in the air.
“I’ll take this. You morons can go back first; see you at dinner.” Walking away, she picks up the call with a smile “Utahime? Hii!”
“They’re secretly dating.” Satoru proclaims when they’re left alone, “I just know it.”
“Don’t butt in other people’s personal business, Satoru. If it’s true, she’ll tell us when she’s ready.” Suguru mumbles, “I guess.”
He seems uncomfortable, maybe even a little annoyed. It’s a weird reaction coming from someone usually up for all his jokes and pranks. For some reason, it ticks Satoru off.
“Personal business, huh.” He grunts.
“What?”
“Never mind.” he stands up, “Let’s go.”
While they cross the field, he fishes a strawberry lollipop from his pocket and takes off the wrapper, but Suguru steals it before he has the opportunity to taste it.
“If you keep eating candy all the time, your teeth will rot and fall out.”
“Sure, mom.” Satoru sticks his tongue out at him “Sugar fuels the brain, man, you should try it.”
About to take the lollipop to his mouth, Suguru immediately throws it away and jumps closer to put Satoru in a headlock.
“Who are you calling stupid, stupid?”
Struggling to break free, Satoru sends them both tumbling to the ground, which turns into a mock fight that ends with Suguru pinning him down.
“Why do you keep trying me, dude? I’m smarter AND fitter.” he teases.
“But not prettier.” Under him, Satoru retorts, grinning.
“Eh.” After scanning his face for a short while, Suguru averts his eyes sheepishly with a smile “Maybe not.”
He gets up and offers Satoru a hand.
Heart hammering in his chest, Satoru takes it. Then, to keep things normal, he slings one arm around Suguru’s shoulders as they walk back to the school building, side by side.
By nightfall, Satoru was still thinking about that one moment down on the field. Shoko hadn’t come back yet and they were not really hungry, so they skipped dinner to play games, which was not a smart thing for teenage boys to do since they’d be famished later on.
Now, way past their curfew, Satoru sits by the kitchen counter while Suguru scavenges the fridge for a late-night snack.
“Not much in here, man.” Suguru announces, still looking inside “Rice balls, pickled plums, half a bottle of tsuyu… I could whip up some cold noodles, maybe?”
“Yeah, whatever.” Satoru mumbles absentmindedly.
Suguru was embarrassed by something when they were play-fighting, earlier. Was it because Satoru was being shameless about his own looks? Was it because Suguru agreed? Not that he should have, because it wasn’t true to begin with, but it was weird that he did. They had a moment, right? Maybe half a moment? It was something, definitely.
But what did it MEAN???
Suguru kicks the fridge closed, bringing him back from the realm of his thoughts. Satoru lifts his head to see his best friend’s arms filled with green onions, a pack of fresh noodles, mushrooms, soy sauce. He’s also frowning at him.
“What?” Satoru asks, sitting up straight. He didn’t say anything weird, did he?
Suguru drops his things by the sink. “Something going on with you? You’re miles away.”
Satoru waves his hands.
“No, no, I’m here! Cold noodles, yay!!”
“Alright…” still a little suspicious, Suguru turns to the sink to start chopping ingredients and he is left to his own thoughts once again.
Just know that if you don’t make a move, maybe someone else will.
“So,” he stares at Suguru’s back “Earlier today… It seemed like you had fun with the juniors.”
“Hm? Yeah, it was kinda last minute but I had a lot of fun. Could you ever imagine Nanami playing?” Suguru jokes.
“Oh, I can picture him with a baseball bat alright.”
They both laugh.
“Haibara was surprisingly good at it, though.” Suguru says, turning on the stove “Oh, yeah, speaking of which… We’re sparring with him tomorrow, okay?”
“Haibara?”
“Yeah, he asked me to—“
Oh, for fuck’s sake!
Seriously, where did this kid even come from? Six months ago he didn’t even EXIST and now it’s like he’s EVERYWHERE. Suguru’s crazy charisma got him a fan; it’s fine and Satoru totally gets it, but doesn’t Haibara have anything better to do besides follow him around, wagging his tail? It’s baseball games, text messages, gifts from missions, and now he even needs assistance with physical training… Doesn’t he EVER leave?”
“… So I said it was okay with you.” Suguru explains, dropping the cooked noodles in a bowl of iced water.
“Yeah, sure.” Satoru agrees after realizing he didn’t hear a word just said “Whatever.”
“Really?” Suguru sets the side dishes in front of Satoru on the kitchen counter with a bright smile “Okay then.”
Satoru smiles back at him. They look at each other for a while, and then Suguru turns back to take the plates and the bowl of noodles.
“There you go.” after finishing setting the table, he leans over the counter to put some noodles on Satoru’s plate with a little smile. “Hope you like it. If you don’t, then you can fuck off.” he adds, laughing.
Oh, that sound.
Just know that if you don’t make a move, maybe someone else will.
Being his classic impulsive self, Satoru suddenly jumps up. Next thing he knows, his hands are grabbing Suguru’s face and he smashes their lips together in a surprise kiss. It only takes a moment, really. He pulls back to see Suguru frozen in place, eyes blinking rapidly.
Oh, fuck.
“Fuck.” He blurts out, voicing his thoughts “Fuck. Listen, I… Shit. Can we pretend this didn’t happen?”
Suguru is still rooted in place, chopsticks shaking slightly in his trembling hand. As the moment stretches on, Satoru considers ending his suffering by simply running away and never coming back.
“… Alright.” Suguru agrees, at last.
They eat in an awkward silence that looms over them like a dark cloud. Being uncomfortable with each other is a foreign feeling, one Satoru doesn’t like or understand. He finishes his meal as fast as he can and darts off, barely biding Suguru good night.
He really, really fucked up this time. But it’ll pass eventually… Right?
Things will go back to normal, surely. They just have to act like that stupid kiss never happened.