Chapter Text
Kim Dan drifted in and out of consciousness, fever dreams and demons making themselves comfortable in his mind. It wasn't until a montage of his life started to play out did he rouse himself and jerked up, gasping for breath.
If that was a prelude to the end of my life, I don't want to watch it yet.
Besides I still have to live for grandma and I.
He was drenched in cold sweat, his heartbeat erratic, when something suddenly slid up his back and he reflexively swung his arm.
Joo Jaekyung was caught unaware and grunted in pain, but continued to wipe down Kim Dan's sweaty back.
There was silence for a few more moments as Kim Dan was trying to blink the illusion away, but Joo Jaekyung was still there wiping him down, this time on his chest area.
"... Why are you still here?"
Joo Jaekyung didn't answer, but merely continued to wipe.
"... You should leave."
The hand paused.
"I don't need you, nor want you here."
The hand slowly started to clench the towel.
"There's no place for you here."
The hand had let go of the towel, and had grabbed the front of Kim Dan's shirt clenching it in a fist, but whether it was shaking from anger or something else can only be answered by the owner.
"Don't say it," Joo Jaekyung said between gritted teeth.
"I don't love you anymore. Let go."
There was a stillness, except for Joo Jaekyung's ragged, heavy breathing.
Kim Dan knew that words were wasted on Joo Jaekyung because he never listened, but why was Joo Jaekyung acting like his words...
Hurt? From words? Joo Jaekyung hurt from his words? Individually the words made sense, but when put together in that sentence why does it sound confusing?
Kim Dan was waiting for his outburst, but none came. Instead a shadow loomed over Kim Dan, as Joo Jaekyung stood up from kneeling and his hand suddenly reached out.
Ah, I knew he was never going to take it kneeling down.
Kim Dan closed his eyes reflexively, and Joo Jaekyung arm shook, before he slowly brought it down and felt Kim Dan's forehead.
**********
Was he preparing to get hit? Have I always been that kind of person to the doctor?
If Kim Dan had said he hated him, Joo Jaekyung would have been less agitated, but to hear that Kim Dan's love was exhausted to the point of leaving and letting go made him more panicked. Without meaning to, he started of thinking of ways to stay.
"You still have a low grade fever."
"I can manage."
"I made, I mean I bought some food for you."
"I have groceries, but thanks."
"...Why don't you eat the porridge before I... go?"
I didn't know how much I hated the word leave until Kim Dan gave it meaning.
I didn't know that word -
"... hurts. I mean, I'll go after you eat. I promise."
"It's not like you actually keep your word, I mean you can't even understand the word 'stop' or 'it hurts'. The emperor of the ring is unstoppable and - "
"Kim Dan, let me make it up to you - "
"Don't. Just leave."
He's right, I'm unstoppable.
"WHY ARE YOU SO STUBBORN? HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO ACT LIKE THIS UNTIL YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE?"
Kim Dan gave him a smile that didn't quite change the indifference in his eyes.
Ah, shit. I screwed up.
"Then drop that act now."
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"
"Joo Jaekyung, I really don't care if it's an act or not, just leave. We can live our lives without each other in it."
"... Fine. See if I care."
"It's okay. I know it was an act."
Joo Jaekyung got his bag and walked towards the exit.
"I'm going."
"I won't see you out."
"... I'm really leaving."
"Okay."
"... Drink your meds. Eat. Stay hydrated."
Joo Jaekyung heard the patter of feet as the doctor went towards the porridge he made. The sound of the spoon hitting the bowl stretched between them, and Joo Jaekyung couldn't help but observe Kim Dan's reaction as he ate.
"Wonder where he bought this, it's actually decent."
"I -"
I MADE IT. I WAS THE ONE WHO COOKED IT. But if I say it what if he'd stop eating?
"You haven't left yet?"
Joo Jaekyung stormed out and slammed the door shut.
He suddenly pumped his fist at a seemingly small win -
Kim Dan ate the porridge I made and liked it.
I mean - I had almost three years of practice.
Joo Jaekyung's lips were turned up slightly, but his eyes couldn't contain the joy he felt.
While Joo Jaekyung was celebrating that small win, the curtain from the window fell back in place.
"What a fool," Kim Dan said to himself.
Joo Jaekyung gazed at the distance and started to head towards the pier.
"I still have a long way to go."
He opened his phone and posted at online forums anonymously, asking the same question:
"How do I chase my lover after being an asshole? Asking for a friend."