Chapter Text
“Do I have to learn to cook and do house chores now that I’m a husband?”
Joke freezes in his movement where he is frying eggs, to look at Zo, who was sitting on the counter.
“Do you want to learn how to cook?”
“No.” Zo replies, grinning, while dangling his feet back and forth.
“Then a pampered husband you shall be.”
“Is that okay with you?”
Joke shrugs a shoulder, “I don’t really mind.” He actually likes the idea of taking care of Zo. “If I ever get sick of doing the housework, we can afford to hire it done.”
“Are we going to stay in this apartment?”
“What do you think?”
“I asked you first.” Zo insists, wanting for once to hear what the desires of Joke’s heart are aside from taking care of Zo’s needs.
Joke glances briefly at Zo, “I want a place like the one I had before, where I was forcefully evicted.”
“Then shall we go apartment-hunting for a place with the best view of the city?”
“You’re okay with us moving?” Joke looks surprised.
“Sure.”
Joke sets aside the eggs and puts the ham on the stove before stepping between Zo’s legs, running his hands up Zo’s thighs. “You seem to like it here.”
“I’m comfortable here but I won’t complain about moving into an expensive luxury condo.”
“What about your friends? Will you be okay moving away from them?”
“They’re a family, and now I have my own as well. Where my husband goes, I’ll follow.”
That certainly has a nice ring to it. Joke smiles in a manner that’s telling of how delighted he is. “Call me your husband again.” he asks, voice silky soft
Zo locks his ankles behind Joke’s legs, moving his hands up Joke’s chest, “My husband.”
Joke grins and leans down, pressing a kiss on the side of Zo’s neck, starting to slowly suck on his soft skin. Zo sighs, tilting his head a little to give Joke some room, while pulling him closer, grinding against him.
“The ham will burn”, Zo whispers, secretly hoping Joke will let the damn things catch fire so they can continue here.
Joke groans his protest against Zo’s neck, gently biting his earlobe to make sigh blissfully.
“Or we can keep doing this.” Zo counters his own statement from just seconds ago.
Joke laughs, leaning back with a smirk, “I’ll stop now only because we desperately need to eat.” He steps out of Zo’s hold to go and check on the food.
Zo pouts “No. don’t go.” He makes grabby hands at Joke.
“Stop tempting me looking so sexy this early in the morning.”
“Would it be better if I looked sexy at noon?”
Joke chuckles, going back to Zo for another quick kiss.
*****
The first thing they do is to rent a car, and then they head to the spa. As they step into its serene interior, the warm aroma of essential oils and soft music greets them. They are led to a private couples’ suite where the tranquil ambience envelopes them.
Zo can already feel his stress start seeping out of his body just being in this relaxing environment.
They are served with some herbal tea before the start of their simultaneous massages.
“This tea tastes like shit.” Zo whispers to Joke so that the staff don’t overhear. “I hope it’s free.”
Joke just laughs at the comment.
As the skilled hands knead tension from their muscles, they relax, letting out contented sighs. Sometimes Zo and Joke exchange tender glances and smiles to acknowledge each other’s presence.
After the relaxing massages, they are treated to a rejuvenating facial and scalp massage. Post-spa, they wrap themselves in plush robes and sip on champagne on the private patio overlooking the lush gardens. Soft sunlight dances over their faces as they sidle up close, sharing sweet kisses.
“Do you feel better?” Joke asks his husband
Zo nods, “Much. Thank you. I really needed this. Do you feel better?”
Joke nods his head, “Because I’m here with you.”
*****
When Zo learns that they are going on a boat cruise for the afternoon, he drags Joke to the mall first to buy “an appropriate outfit”.
Joke roams the fitting room, waiting as Zo takes his time trying on one outfit after another.
Okay to be fair Zo is only on his third try but still. Joke is excited to get to the cruise.
“If you keep this up we’ll be buying clothes all day, honey.” Joke sing-songs, keeping his tone gentle and playful to avoid stressing Zo.
“Be nice!” Zo moves the curtain aside on his stall to poke his head out and give Joke a deadpan look. “You promised to cooperate and help me find the best outfit that screams rich and sophisticated husband.”
Joke tries hard not to laugh, “You look good in anything.”
Zo cackles, “No I don’t. That’s you, baby.”
“Thank you, now please get out here so I can see what you look like in the latest try. I’m sure you look great.”
“Okay.” Zo grumbles and steps out of the stall.”
One look at him steals Joke’s breath away. The crisp white shirt and soft pink shorts fit him so perfectly, highlighting his porcelain skin, effortless elegance and delicate features.
Best of all, Zo is in pink. Joke’s eyes devour Zo, hungry for every detail.
Zo’s cheeks flush, and he smiles, eyes sparkling. “Do you like it?”
“You definitely look like a kept, princely husband.”
Zo laughs softly, “I was going for sophisticated.”
“That too.”
The neckline of the shirt delicately frames Zo’s collarbones, the soft fabric drawing Joke’s attention to the gentle slope of his shoulders.
He reaches for Zo and hugs his waist, pulling him close, and then he leans down and presses delicate kisses along Zo’s collarbones. “You look so lovely.” Joke says, wishing he could go further than just kissing his neck.
“Thank you.” Zo smiles to himself, delighting in Joke’s reaction. He tips his head back and slides his arms around Joke’s neck, encouraging Joke to continue kissing him.
*****
As Zo and Joke arrive at the pier, they are greeted by the gentle sway of the yacht moored along the Chao Phraya River. The sun is hot and high, casting a golden glow on the water. They step aboard hand-in-hand, feeling the excitement of the private adventure.
The yacht is elegantly decorated with soft cushions, fresh flowers, and a chilled bottle of champagne waiting for them.
Zo picks up one red rose and hands it to Joke, “For you.”
“Thank you.” Joke pecks Zo’s lips softly.
The yacht slowly drifts away from the pier and they find a cosy spot on the deck. They pop the champagne, toasting to the beautiful day ahead.
“This is so nice.” Zo breathes in delight.
“We can do this whenever you want. Should I buy you a boat as a wedding gift?”
“For real?”
Joke smiles and wriggles his eyebrows. “It’s our money. We can do whatever we want.”
For the first time since getting married to Joke, Zo really thinks about the meaning of that and realises that all this luxurious stuff is no longer a distant thing that’s only a part of Joke’s life. This is Zo’s life now too. He’s actually wealthy now. Zo can’t be sure yet how he feels about that. Maybe there is in fact nothing to even think about. Gosh he’s sick of thinking. He’ll just roll with this one.
“Let’s start with the car then we’ll talk about the boat later.”
The gentle breeze and the sound of the water create a serene atmosphere as they sip their drinks and enjoy the view of Bangkok’s skyline.
Before getting too comfortable, they take turns helping each other put some sunscreen on, gently rubbing the lotion into each other’s skin. Joke grins when Zo seems to take his time on the task, his hands lingering about Joke’s muscular arms, chest and abs.
Zo can tell Joke is laughing at him, “These areas need extra attention.” He justifies with a laugh.
When Joke’s turn comes, he’s no better than Zo with the wondering hands, and in Joke’s case- wondering lips as well. His hands linger on Zo’s shoulders as he leans down and trails soft kisses along Zo’s collarbones his neck and his jaw. Joke hasn’t stopped thinking about wanting to do this since he saw Zo in this shirt back at the mall.
Zo’s eyes flutter shut and he inclines his head to the side, sighing softly and giving his husband the go ahead because why the fuck not.
As they cruise along the river, they pass by iconic landmarks, talk about the sights and take videos and photos. The crew offers them a selection of fresh fruits and light snacks, which they enjoy while lounging on the deck.
For lunch, a beautifully set table awaits them on the deck. They indulge in a gourmet dish featuring Thai delicacies prepared by a private chef. The flavours are exquisite and they don’t spare any compliments to the chef.
After lunch, they decide to relax on the sunbeds, soaking up the warmth of the afternoon sun. Joke’s troublesome thoughts threaten to overtake him again but he forces them to the back of his mind because as he now knows, it’s his choice how he reacts to his problems. Right now he would much rather enjoy simple thrills like this with his life partner- the one person who makes him happiest.
Suddenly Zo pounces on Joke who wails probably a little too hard, feigning such agony.
“Were you just thinking about me?” Zo asks
“No.”
“I could tell. That’s why I’m here. How dare you bring me to this romantic getaway and not be thinking about me and how sexy I look in these shorts?”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. Come here.” Joke gathers Zo in his arms, holding him above him and kisses him deep on the lips. Zo gets comfortable, half lying on top of Joke and half lying down on the bed. Joke shifts onto his side as well to face Zo more directly as they make out.
The yacht anchors in a quiet spot, and they take a dip in the refreshing water, laughing and playing like children. Back at the yacht they dry off and wrap themselves in soft towels. They find a secluded spot and cuddle up, sharing idle chatter and lazy kisses.
As the afternoon turns to evening, the sky begins to change colours. They watch the sunset together, the sky painted in hues of orange and pink. “This day is already almost over.” Zo laments. “Why so fast?”
Joke feels it too, the dread of going back to mundane life tomorrow, but he hates to see Zo so sad. So he tries to soothe him, “At least we have a lot to look forward to; our second wedding, two honeymoons and moving into our new place.”
A smile touches Zo’s lips. “You’re right. I’m so tempted to quit my job and go on our first honeymoon tomorrow.”
“Just know that I won’t stop you if you go through with quitting.” Joke smirks
“hm.” Zo hums. “I don’t know about quitting but I’ll certainly show up very late tomorrow. In the morning I’ll call in fucked out.”
Joke laughs
The night falls and the yacht is beautifully illuminated in soft lights. A private dining area is set up on the deck, offering a lovely view of the cityscape. They enjoy a romantic dinner under the moonlight.
“Actually we don’t have to go home right away.” Joke ells Zo. “I have one more surprise for you.”
Zo is surprised and excited to learn that Joke booked a suite at some high end hotel for the rest of their night. As they walk into the suite, Zo gasps quietly in awe. Joke is no different. They glance at each other, both surprised and impressed. The suite is beautifully decorated with romantic touches. Soft, ambient lighting, from the candles placed around the room. The air is filled with the delicate scent of fresh roses, their petals scatted across the bed and floor. A path of rose petals leads to the private balcony with a stunning view of the skyline just like both Zo and Joke love to have.
“When I called to make a reservation, I told them to be obnoxious with the romantic touch because my husband hates romance.” Joke says with a smile. “They have delivered.”
Zo guffaws, punching Joke harmlessly on the arm. Joke takes Zo’s hand and they go to explore the portable karaoke machine that Joke requested they set up. “We’ll sing our lungs out tonight.” Joke announces. “I thought you might enjoy some karaoke.”
“I’ve missed it. Me and the guys haven’t done this in so long. How did you know?”
“Lucky guess.”
I can’t wait.” Zo says with obvious excitement.
The room features a cozy sitting area with plush cushions and a bottle of wine chilling in an ice bucket. A small table is set with chocolate-covered strawberries and other delectable treats. They sing, laugh and cheer each other on despite being opponents. The whole thing gets so playful that they lose sight of who won or lost. They even do some duets together.
After all the excitement of karaoke, they take a relaxing bubble bath together, nearly falling asleep all cuddled up in the tub.
Later they step out onto the balcony, wrapped in each other’s arms, staring at the cityscape in peaceful silence.
Joke kisses the shell of Zo’s ear before whispering, “It’s late. We should go to bed.”
Zo turns around in Joke’s arms to face him, “We will, but I want you to kiss me first.”
*****
In the darkness, Joke lies awake beside a sleeping Zo, listening to Zo’s soft breaths which remind Joke of the peace he longs for. Despite being tired and having done a lot of drinking today, sleep is elusive for Joke tonight. His mind is a storm of troubling thoughts about the question of having children with Zo.
He stares at the ceiling, his heart heavy with his fears. The generational trauma of bad parenting looms over him like a shadow, whispering doubts and insecurities. Joke can’t figure out which would be a worse let-down for Zo- them not having any children at all or Joke traumatising their children the way he himself has been traumatized by his parents.
Joke is terrified of whichever possibility. He hates himself for not being able to just be calm about this, for not being able to change his own feelings despite his strong desire to do anything to make Zo happy. Joke feels helpless and trapped and he knows he needs help, that he can’t fight this alone.
Therapy immediately comes to mind. It helped him in the past with some of the other problems he had, and maybe it can help again now. How would Zo feel about that though?
Lost in thought, Joke isn’t conscious of his restless tossing and turning, until Zo wakes up beside him. Zo’s eyes flutter open, and he turns to Joke with a concerned look. “Joke, what’s wrong?” Zo’s voice is thick with sleep.
“Did I wake you? I’m sorry.” Joke forces a smile, trying to mask the turmoil inside him, “Nothing’s wrong.” He lies hoping that Zo won’t press further.
But Zo knows Joke too well now. He can see the tension in Joke’s eyes, the way his body is coiled with anxiety. Zo sighs and sits up, running a hand through his thick hair. “Should we talk about the elephant in the room?”
Joke doesn’t say anything. He can’t decide whether he’s ready for the conversation.
Zo decides to insist despite Joke’s evident reluctance. “Are you that worried about being a bad father to our children that you can’t sleep?”
“Having a family is something you really want.”
“Yes but not today. Or tomorrow. Or next year really.”
“When do you want them?”
Zo shrugs a shoulder, “When I’m older. Around 32 or later maybe.”
Joke blinks in surprise. “That’s…,” he takes a few seconds pause to do the math in his head, “…eight years from now.”
Zo nods, “I don’t want to be a young dad. Children are in my plan but not right away. This may surprise you but I’m actually very greedy for your attention and your money. I want to spend the next 10 years enjoying those two things.” Zo’s lips curl into a sly smile, a playful glint dancing in his eyes.
A small, breathy laugh escapes Joke’s lips, a sound filled with pure relief and carrying the weight of his anxieties lifting. Zo watches Joke’s tension melt away a little and it strikes him how much pressure Joke must be feeling about this, the burden he unintentionally placed on an over-thinker.
Zo reaches out, placing a comforting hand on Joke’s cheek, “I’m sorry I put so much pressure on you bringing this up.” Zo’s voice is steady but gentle, also tinged with regret.
Joke shakes his head vehemently and takes Zo’s hand gently into his own, “It’s not your fault that I panicked. You shouldn’t keep your needs hidden for my sake. I want you to tell me things even if I won’t always like hearing them. Promise me?”
Zo nods his head. “I promise.” After a short moment he says, “Joke, the people that raised you are evil and I understand why you fear inflicting those wounds on our children as well, but you’re nothing like your father or your grandfather. Take it from someone like me who has observed from the outside. Also, you’re not part of that family anymore. They freed you to write your own story and to build the kind of life you want to live, the life you wish you had all along.”
“I just…I think I haven’t really grasped it all yet, you know? What it means for me not being a part of that family anymore.”
“It’s been 24 hours. Give yourself some time. Another thing that your family robbed you of that you can take back now is the concept of patience. There is no one expecting you to have it all figured out, to be strong or to be perfect. I know you’re not perfect and that’s okay. I still love you. That won’t change.”
Joke could cry hearing those words. Until now he hadn’t recognised the level at which he’s been burdened in his life by his grandparents’ expectations for him to be perfect.
Zo pushes the duvet aside so he can slip onto Joke’s lap, legs on either side, and wrap his arms around him. Zo just holds Joke for a while, not saying anything. Joke hugs Zo’s waist, pulling him closer.
“Why is everything so hard for us?” Zo laments and sighs. “We’re too damned young to be this serious and angsty all the time.” He leans back to look Joke in the eye, “At this age we’re supposed to be wild, do stupid things and make foolish mistakes.”
“I miss the days when you were playful.” Joke says with a tiny smile.
“I miss me too. Whatever pains we have to deal with, we’ll figure it out together as we go along, but can we not let it rob our joy?”
“I’m really grateful that I don’t have to do anything alone anymore. It’s so exhausting.” Joke takes a moment to gather some courage before broaching the next subject, “Speaking of help, I think my problems are beyond what just the two of us can fix. I’m thinking of going back into therapy.”
Silence
Zo just stares at Joke, thinking about that.
Joke shifts uneasily, “What do you think, Zo?”
“I think you should do what’s best for you.”
“Are you okay with the idea?”
“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be? I want us to do whatever we can to help you heal.”
Joke tilts his head to the side, observing his husband, “Then what’s this look on your face?” he steals a kiss on Zo’s cheek.
“The mention of therapy just has me thinking.” Zo takes a long pause before he continues, “Pi doesn’t know all the stuff I’ve gone through mentally after losing my mom, but from the little that he does know, he thinks that maybe I’m traumatised by what happened. He once suggested that I try therapy.”
In all honesty Joke has thought the exact same thing. Joke is far from being an expert but from what Zo has shared about his struggles grieving his mother, especially the nightmares- it definitely sounds like he has some trauma of sorts. Joke vividly recalls the exact troubling words Zo said one night when they talked about his mother.
“I had 100% confidence that she would recover then then her condition suddenly deteriorated minutes after I talked and laughed with her and she passed away just like that, right in front of me. I remember shock and crying but it passed fast. I had to step up and make funeral arrangements.”
That sounded a lot to Joke like Zo hadn’t had a chance to deal with the trauma of witnessing his mother’s sudden passing.
“Have you been to therapy?” Joke asks gently and Zo shakes his head.
“I don’t…I wouldn’t know what to say, how to start…”
Joke nods his head in understanding, “It’s intimidating at the beginning, I’ll also admit that.”
“How did you deal with it the first time?”
“I didn’t. I just approached the doctor desperate to heal, and trusted him to take the lead since he was the professional.”
“Did it help before? Therapy?”
“It did. I guess I just quit prematurely.”
Zo doesn’t ask anything but he’s visibly pensive
“Do you think maybe it’s something you want to try?”
Zo feels that maybe he should take the step and at least try to get the healing that he knows he desperately needs. He’s also just really nervous about stepping into the unknown. Joke sees the fears written so clearly in Zo’s eyes. He pulls Zo close again, holding him against his chest.
“It’s okay to be scared. Give it some more thought if you’re not sure it’s what you want to do.”
Zo pulls back again, “I want to try. Would you go with me, Joke? I don’t know if I can talk about that stuff with just a total stranger unless you’re there.” Zo’s gaze flickers down as he continues almost inaudibly, “You’re the only one I’ve told certain things to.”
“I’ll go with you if you need me to. I’m here for you, Zo.
“Thank you. You know that you have me too, right?”
Joke lets out a deep breath, “Finally I do.” His face lights up with a smile, “We have each other now, my love. We’ll be alright.”
“Of course we will. For better or worse.”
“For better or worse.” Joke echoes the promise of a future together where no matter what challenges lie ahead, their love will guide them through. Together they are unstoppable and that’s what finally gives their hearts peace.
Joke leans up and kisses Zo adoringly on the lips.
“Now, remember I said I’d call in fucked-out to work tomorrow? I actually have to be fucked out to do that, so…you’re a smart boy, Joke. Figure this one out.”
“Can we figure it out together in this exact position we’re sitting in?”
Zo smirks, “I love the way you think, Joke.”
-END-