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“I’m sorry I can’t come over.” Tommy’s voice is truly remorseful over the phone and Buck tries his best not to get upset about it. The thing was that he had a shitty day and the only thing he wanted to do was cuddle up next to his boyfriend and forget about the world for a moment.
Tommy always had a way of making Buck’s thoughts still, and the way they were racing now, it would be welcomed.
“It’s okay,” Buck relents. Tommy had told him last week that he would be out of town for a while. Something about looking at some property in the mountains after the bad storm they had. Secretly, Buck had been hoping his boyfriend would have invited him to come along, but Tommy hadn’t.
“It’s not,” Tommy says in response and sighs over the phone. “I know you’re blaming yourself for what happened,” He says gently and Buck closes his eyes because Tommy is right, he is blaming himself and it’s just like Tommy to get him like that. “The floor gave out from under him, even when you told him not to step forward. You did what you could Evan,” Tommy continues on, attempting to soothe Buck’s pain from over the phone. It isn’t anything the rest of the team hasn’t told him, but it does make Buck feel a little better.
“How’s your leg?” Tommy asks after a long pause of silence, mostly on Buck’s end, but Tommy doesn’t push for him to speak and he appreciates that.
“Tight,” Buck says and he looks down at his leg. He had taken a tumble in the house and landed on his bad leg awkwardly. “I’ll be feeling it tomorrow,” He confesses. “Might be a ‘sit down and watch movies’ day.”
And Tommy still won’t be there because he’s up somewhere in the woods instead of LA and on Buck’s couch with him.
“Try and be kind to yourself,” Tommy says softly, his voice wavering and Buck closes his eyes and breathes deeply. They’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of months, but there are deep emotions there. They’d only just said I love you the week prior.
They’re tiptoeing to something bigger but Buck can’t help but feel like Tommy is holding back.
“I will,” Buck promises. “I’ll use a heating pad and do my stretches,” Buck promises.
“Get yourself some comfort food,” Tommy adds and Buck can hear the smile in his voice. “Maybe those nachos you like so much.”
“You’re not here to take the olives though,” Buck says back, trying to joke but it sounds flat.
Tommy sighs again. “Evan I’m sorry-”
“It’s okay,” Buck rushes in before Tommy can apologize again for not being able to be there right when he needs it. “Really, Tommy, I’ll get those nachos and take it easy tonight.
“Okay,” Tommy is still clearly worried, but Buck isn’t sure what he can say to stop that worry. Tommy cares for him and he’s hurting so Tommy worries. It's the same thing Eddie or Bobby does. The rest of the team really.
They worry because they care.
“I’ll call someone if I need help. Scout’s honor.” Buck promises and he breaks out into a smile at Tommy’s small huff of a laugh at the statement.
“You weren’t a scout,” Tommy points out. And his voice switches from amused to serious. “I believe you when you say that though.”
They say their goodbyes shortly after. It’s getting dark and Tommy said he had things to do before the sun set. Buck asked him what he had to do and Tommy just said that he needed to check some things out in the woods around his cabin.
Buck lets it go, but he wishes Tommy could have stayed on just a little longer.
* * *
Buck isn’t sure what wakes him up at first, but the throbbing in his leg is what prevents him from going back to sleep. Blurry eyed he looks at his phone and sees the time mocking him.
2 am.
Annoyed he huffs. It’s too early to start his day, the sun isn’t even up. He’d go and work out for a little but he didn’t want to push his body too hard after yesterday.
The memories - the pain - of yesterday come back and Buck throws his arm over his eyes and wills the tears away.
It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault-
But what if he had gotten there sooner?
What if he had moved faster?
Buck sighs, knowing that if he remains in bed he’ll only spiral and he gets up. His leg protests for a moment, but Buck pushes through and throws his brace on with his compression sleeve. It’s 2 am and he can’t sleep but he also doesn’t want to be in his loft anymore either.
Fresh air sounds good.
After grabbing his keys and his phone and throwing on the first hoodie he can find, Buck is outside, taking in the chilled air of LA in November and taking a moment to just breathe.
It helps, but he still has energy that he needs to expel if he wants to have a chance of getting any more sleep so Buck decides to go for a walk around the block. It’s quiet out, most people are in bed where they’re supposed to be, and Buck doesn’t see anyone.
Normally he would need his headphones on a walk, but tonight it feels good to just listen to the city and the wind. Occasionally he’ll look up at the moon, grateful that the sky is clear so that he can appreciate how beautiful it is.
It’s probably only because he doesn’t have his headphones that he hears it.
There’s a scuffling sound, followed by the clank of metal garbage cans as they get bumped into each other. Buck stops, thinks to himself that he should really not go and see what just made that noise in the alley-
But he goes anyway.
He’s a firefighter, someone could be hurt. Buck could help.
In the alley it’s dark, but Buck can make out shapes. There are two rusty garbage cans, both settled now but beyond them, he catches an odd shape.
It moves.
Buck steps back on instinct but his eyes never leave the alley. As the thing moves closer he catches a flash of two golden eyes-
It's a dog.
A really big fucking dog, but a dog all the same. It looks at Buck as it comes into the light and Buck can start to see more of it. He's unsure of the breed but the thick fur and pointed ears remind him of a husky.
"You're a big puppy," Buck says out loud and hopes that the dog isn't feral. He's staying still so as to not frighten the animal, and it seems to be working because he isn't being used as a Buck-sized chew toy.
The dog approaches slowly, head tilted to the side. Buck should be terrified really, this is the biggest dog he's ever seen, but everything about the dog feels friendly. The dog's tail is even wagging as it approaches.
“Are you a stray?” Buck asks and he bends down a little and holds out his hand. In the light of the street lamp, he can see different colors of brown in the dog's dark fur. “You're too pretty to be a stray.”
The dog doesn't respond, but it does sniff at Buck's outstretched fingers. Buck stays as still as he can as the dog inspects his scent. He must have done something right because soon the dog is pushing his nose into Buck's hand and Buck breaks out into a smile.
“You're pretty cute,” Buck says to the dog and barks out a surprised laugh when the dog licks his fingers. The dog replies with its own gentle ‘woof’ and Buck smiles as he takes a few moments to scratch behind the dog's ears. The dog's dark fur is thick and it warm, not as soft as he imagined it would be, but there are layers to it and the strands warm his chilled fingers from his walk.
There's a car driving past, taking Buck's attention away from the dog. He stands as it slows down and he groans a bit at the way his leg protests the movement.
He's hoping the car will just drive past, but Buck's luck continues to be shitty as it slows down to a stop and the driver's window rolls down. Inside the car reveals a woman who looks awfully pissed off for it being so late at night. Buck doesn't like it.
The dog must either because it steps in front of Buck, at full alert.
“Shouldn't you have that monster of a mutt on a leash?” The woman sneers. Despite sitting down in the car she is clearly looking down on him and Buck just rolls his eyes. “I should call the police on you.”
“He got out,” Buck says and gestures to the dog. “I live on the block, I'm taking him home.” He lies easily. The woman narrows her eyes and Buck moves his hand on the dog's head, petting him and hoping he's right and the dog is somewhat trained.
“Get him a fucking leash,” The woman says and she rolls up her window and drives away.
“What a bitch.” Buck grumbles and the dog woofs again. Buck smiles, amused and scratches behind the dog's ears affectionately. He looks up and sees that the woman has turned her car around and is now driving behind them very slowly. She was following them.
The dog turns around and bares his teeth at the woman, but he doesn't growl, Buck can’t help but think that the dog is a big of a gentle giant.
“Okay, here's what we're going to do dog,” Buck says. “We are going to go to my apartment - that doesn't allow pets by the way, because if I leave you alone I'm pretty sure that woman is going to call the cops and if Athena is on duty I don't want her to deal with her allergy.”
The dog is looking up at him as he speaks, all of his attention on Buck. It's strange because Buck is pretty sure the dog understands everything he's saying.
“Come on-” Buck says, knowing somehow the dog will follow and is delighted when the dog does.
They move slowly, the dog setting the pace and Buck is glad for it. His leg is starting to ache and he knows that he'll have limited mobility tomorrow. He explains this to the dog who looks up at him with his big eyes and Buck almost thinks the dog is worried about him-
“I need sleep,” Buck says as they get to his loft. “I’m seeing things from a dog.”
The dog, who has stayed absolutely silent, listens to every command that Buck has given him and has stayed at his side the whole way there.
He huffs and unlocks his door. When he steps in the dog waits outside and Buck raises a brow, amused.
“You can come in,” The dog comes in after Buck gives him permission, stopping to wipe his paws on the rug and Buck thinks someone must be missing such a well-trained dog. “Such a gentleman,” He comments and the dog woofs again. Buck moves then to the kitchen, pulling off his sweatshirt as he does. In the light of the kitchen, Buck notices that he had managed to put on one of Tommy's sweatshirts instead of his own. The thought makes him smile, though it feels melancholy.
“I uh, had a bad day,” Buck talks to the dog, figuring people talk to their pets all the time. He's caught Tommy talking to his own cat several times and Hen with her dog. Buck never had a pet growing up but he had always wanted one. It would have been nice to have that unconditional love that people had for their pets, the kind that he didn't need to beg his parents for-
Buck clears his throat, he would just have to deal with those emotions later.
“We lost someone on a call. This man had just been so desperate to escape, he ran out on the floor and it wasn't stable. He fell through-” Buck’s throat tightens and there's a whine beside him. He looks down at the dog and strokes his fur again, finding comfort from the movement. Gently the dog presses his snout into Buck's stomach, further comforting him.
“I know it’s not my fault,” Buck replies as if the dog had told him it wasn't. “Or I will know that, eventually. It's just hard losing someone.”
Buck scratches the dog's ears and he goes to fill up a bowl with water. He sets it on the ground and the dog stares at it. Buck feels lost for a moment, not really knowing what the dog is thinking, and pours himself his own glass of water. It's only after he drinks that the dog drinks as well.
“A goddamn gentleman,” Buck says again and he takes a deep breath and swears it feels easier to breathe for the first time in hours. Buck's eyes water up and he bends down to pet the dog again. The dog licks at his fingers and Buck wonders if maybe the dog was a therapy dog.
“I was going to tell you not to do anything to void my security deposit,” Buck says to the dog as they move towards the stairs. “But I think you're just a really big dog with a really big heart.”
Going up the stairs wasn't fun. Buck pushed it and he had to take several breaks along the way. As he goes up slowly the dog stays behind him, even going so far as to press his snout to the back of his knee when Buck loses his balance halfway.
“Thanks,” Buck says again once they're at the top. His bed awaits him and Buck gets to it, collapsing onto it in relief. He turns his head and sees the dog sitting at the edge of the bed, looking at Buck. It's just like when they first entered the apartment.
“Come on,” Buck pats the spot next to him on the bed. “The person I wanted to cuddle with the most is busy doing who knows what in the woods, so you can take his place.”
The dog ducks his head then, a whine coming out and Buck frowns.
“I'm okay,” He says and he pats the bed again. “Come on, you can't snuggle up on the ground. I know that rug, it’s more decorative than it is plush.”
For a moment he doesn't think the dog will join him but then it comes to the bed slowly and jumps up on it to join Buck. Buck breaks into a wide smile and throws his arms around the dog, hugging him.
“You’re a good boy,” Buck says and laughs when the dog licks his face. He moves to pull up his blanket but the dog beats it to him, taking the material gently into his mouth and pulling it over Buck. He thinks being tucked in by a dog is a little strange, but Buck has seen stranger, so he just snuggles under the cover, enjoying how warm the dog feels next to him.
“I’m going to really miss you, but I think someone out there is probably missing you more,” Buck says quietly to the dog.
The last thing he remembers is kissing the dog's forehead before he finally falls asleep.
* * *
Morning comes slowly at first.
And then all at once.
Buck's eyes open slowly, and he smiles as he realizes he's being snuggled. A strong pair of arms are wrapped around him - familiar arms, warm and safe and Buck bends down and kisses one gently-
Then he remembers the events of the last night and he tenses.
“Tommy?” Buck asks, voice thin. Hesitant.
Behind him, Tommy freezes.
“When did you get in?” Buck asks because Tommy isn't speaking and Buck is trying very hard to remember when Tommy could have come in. If he was in the bed, where was the dog?
Buck turns then, breaking their embrace, and notes that while he is still fully dressed, his boyfriend is not. Tommy is also avoiding eye contact and when Buck looks around the loft, he doesn't see any large dogs.
“Am I dreaming?” Buck asks, and Tommy turns to look at him finally. His eyes are wide, nervous almost and he's curled in on himself in an effort to take up less space. Trying to look smaller.
“You're not baby,” Tommy says his voice is rough, and it sounds guilty and Tommy has never sounded like that before. The odd behavior doesn't calm Buck's racing mind but it does let him settle on what's in front of him at that moment.
“What's going on?” Buck asks and he reaches out and rests his hand on Tommy's bare chest. Tommy's skin was warm to the touch and Buck swore he could feel Tommy's heart beating fast in his chest.
“I need to tell you something,” Tommy says. “And I should have told you a long time ago. I don't have any excuse,” He rambles on, being very unlike the usually calm Tommy that Buck is accustomed to.
He's scared.
“It's okay,” Buck says worried now. “I mean, I don’t actually know what's going on, and there's a very large dog somewhere in the loft, but we can deal with that later.”
“That wasn't a dog Evan,” Tommy says and he reaches out and places his hand over Buck's on his chest. “That was a wolf.”
“A wolf-” Buck asks slowly and his mind jumps to everything he knows about a wolf and how he let a wild animal in his apartment. Tommy must sense that he's spiraling because he tugs at Buck's hand then and kisses his knuckles.
“A werewolf,” Tommy says slowly.
Buck laughs then, shaking his head. “Babe that's funny,” Buck smiles and looks at Tommy but the other man is very still and very silent.
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” Tommy says and he tries for a smile. It's nervous and small and it doesn't reach his eyes. Buck immediately hates it because it is the smile of someone who was bracing themselves for rejection. It's a smile Buck knows intimately.
“Okay,” Buck says, deciding then that it was.
“Evan-”
“No,” Buck interrupts. “I know it's crazy but really it's okay,” He moves then, settling back into bed and pulling Tommy into his arms, reversing their position from earlier. Being with Tommy came with a few new experiences and one of them was him finding delight in being the little spoon, but there were nights when Buck would give Tommy that experience, sensing his boyfriend needed it as well.
“Last night I was sad because I had a bad day and I wanted to snuggle with my boyfriend,” Buck starts and he's tracing patterns on Tommy's arm with his fingers. Tommy looks like he's going to apologize so Buck just kisses the spot behind his ear and continues before he can.
“And I still got to,” Buck said. “I needed comfort and someone to watch over me and make sure I got to bed, and you did,” Buck kisses Tommy's shoulder then. “It's weird as hell and we need to have a very long conversation about this because I'm freaking out just a little-”
“But it's you Tommy, and that means it’s okay.” He finishes and he rests his head on Tommy's shoulder.
Tommy breathes beneath him, and Buck knows Tommy well enough to know that he's gathering his thoughts and adjusting to the situation.
“I love you,” Tommy says and he turns to kiss Buck gently. His eyes flash gold, reminding Buck of the night before and confirming that Buck isn't crazy.
“I love you too,” Buck leans down then and kisses Tommy properly, deepening the kiss and rolling on top of his boyfriend to straddle him. Tommy smiles into the kiss before they pull apart and he's looking up at Buck like he's something beautiful.
“Can I ask a quick question?” Buck asks, carding his finger through Tommy's curls. His boyfriend leans into the touch the same way he always does, but now Buck knew more about just how much he enjoyed it. Some things were starting to slot into place, mostly how Tommy always goes away every month with some odd excuses.
Now he knows it was for the full moon.
For werewolf reasons.
Because his boyfriend was a werewolf.
“Anything,” Tommy replies after a beat, leaning up to kiss Buck again, quick and playful. “I'll answer anything.”
“If I tickle you on the side will your leg kick again?” Buck grins and Tommy laughs, shaking his head. “And can you have chocolate-”
Tommy silences him with another kiss.