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An Ever-Fixed Mark

Summary:

A day in the life of Ed and Stede in their old age

Notes:

CW: dementia, confusion, referenced character death

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Stede can tell the good days by Ed’s eyes at breakfast.  On bad days his eyes are dull in his handsome face, now lined so deeply he looks carved from wood.  Those are days where Stede helps him to his chair by the fire, wrapped in a blanket and with a cup of overly sweet tea on the table beside him.  On warm days, he’ll set him up on the porch facing the sea while Stede putters around the garden.  Even on bad days, Ed will smile when presented with a bloom, or a shell, or a snail Stede finds to show him.  The smiles are vague, but the love is there.

This morning, Ed’s eyes are sparkling, just like they used to.

“Morning, love,” he says, easing himself into his chair at the table.

Stede sets his tea in front of him, and a plate of eggs and toast.  He drops a kiss onto Ed’s temple before taking his own seat.

“Good morning, darling.  Sleep well?”

“Like the dead.  Any plans for today?”

“The usual.  Mr. Beckett checked out this morning, and we don’t have another guest until Thursday, so I’m thinking I’ll do the shopping.  Are you up for a trip into town?”

Ed grins.  “Always.”

“Maybe we’ll have a note from Lucius today.”

“Hope he’s keeping Pete out of trouble,” Ed chuckles.

Stede’s smile falters at that, but returns before Ed notices.  “I’m sure he is.”

They finish breakfast and Ed dresses while Stede tidies the kitchen, and then they walk together to the little town down the coast from their inn.  It’s a beautiful, clear morning, the air pleasantly cool, and Ed admires the sky.

“It’ll be cold soon,” he says.

“Do you think so?”

“‘S almost winter, isn’t it?  Always gets cold this time of year.”

“It’s March, darling.”

Ed frowns.  “March?  Can’t be March, it was just Izzy’s birthday.  Wasn’t it?”

Stede hesitates.  “Darling, Izzy’s gone.”

“Gone?  Where is he?”

“He passed away.  Years ago now,” Stede says gently

“Oh,” is all Ed can say.  “Beautiful sky today, isn’t it?”

“It is, darling.  Very beautiful.”

It’s market day, and the town is bustling.  They stroll along the line of stalls, picking out the produce that catches their eye, chatting with the various merchants they’d come to know over the years.  Stede orders more coffee to be sent to the inn, and splurges on beeswax candles.  Then they stop at Maria’s little stand selling fried plantain for a little snack break.

“Ed, look!  Stephen’s here today!”  Stede points to the wagon loaded with books and manned by an older, bespectacled gentleman.  “Would you mind terribly waiting here while I see what’s new?”

Ed smiles, still charmed by Stede’s enthusiasm after all these years.  “Get me a hot chocolate and it’s a deal.”

Stede nods, ordering the drink and then scurrying over to the book wagon.

It only feels like a few minutes, but Stede suddenly realizes he’s been looking through the bookseller’s stock and chatting away happily for nearly an hour.  With a sudden shock, he looks toward Maria’s stall…

Ed is gone.

He drops the books he’s set aside and runs back to the stall.

“Have you seen Ed?” he asks breathlessly. 

Maria looks almost as surprised as Stede to see Ed gone.  “No, he was just here…”

Stede’s jaw tightens.  No use taking his anger out on his friend - she’s a busy woman, after all.

The docks, Stede thinks.  Ed never lost his love for a good ship and the promise of the open sea.  Stede runs toward the port, hoping he’s guessed right.

There’s a commotion near one of the ships.  Stede sees Ed being held by a large sailor, struggling and fussing as another man holds his hands up placatingly.

“Ed!  Edward!” he calls.  Ed suddenly stops struggling, looking toward Stede with cloudy eyes.

“He says Izzy’s not here,” Ed says plaintively.  “But I know he’s here.  This is the Revenge, I’d know her anywhere!”

A wave of sadness washes over Stede.  The ship looks like the Revenge, but his ship had been mothballed years ago.  The crew has long since retired in comfort, and Stede had been to far too many funerals in the past decade.

“He’s not here, darling,” says Stede.  

“No, he is!  I saw him…”

“I don’t know who he’s looking for,” says the man in front of Ed.  “I’m really sorry, I wish I did.”

“Ed?  It’s time to go home now,” Stede says gently.

“But Izzy…”

“Izzy’s not here, my love.”

Ed can’t speak.  His clouded eyes are sad and confused.

“Let’s go home,” says Stede, taking his arm.  “I’ll make us some tea, how does that sound?”

Ed doesn’t answer but allows himself to be led away.

The walk home is slower than the walk to the market, and somber.  Halfway home, Ed stumbles on a rock, and Stede catches him.  They don’t speak, though.  The cool of the air has become less pleasant, more damp and almost chilly, and Stede is looking forward to building a nice fire. 

Ed begins to shiver but remains silent.  Wordlessly, Stede brings them both to a stop and winds his own scarf around Ed’s neck.  The sparkle is coming back to his eyes when he gives Stede a shy smile of thanks.  Stede smiles back and scratches his back affectionately before taking his arm again.

Back home, he settles Ed into his favorite chair and starts the fire, then takes a moment to smooth Ed’s silver-streaked white hair away from his face.  He admires the silver – his own hair had gone fully white long since.  Kissing Ed’s forehead, he goes to the kitchen to make the tea.

He’s tired.  It’s only mid-afternoon, but he’s ready for a nap.  He doesn’t want to leave Ed alone, though, so he’ll drink his tea and sit with Ed, and maybe read to him from one of his favorite books.

Drat. He remembers the stack of books he’d meant to buy.  Hopefully Stephen will set them aside for next time.  And they’d left their shopping at Maria’s stall…it hadn’t been the good day he’d hoped for.  But they’re home safely, and they have a nice fire going, and he’s thinking of adding a generous splash of rum to their tea as a little treat.

“Stede?” he hears Ed call.  “Stede?  Stede!

Ed’s voice is panicked.  Stede runs to the sitting room, where Ed is still in his chair, looking around wildly.

“I’m here, love.  I’m here.”  He kneels by Ed’s chair, taking his hands in his own.  “I’m right here.”

Ed pulls one hand from Stede’s grasp and cups Stede’s cheek.  “I thought…I thought you left…”

Stede takes his hand and kisses it.  “No, love.  Never.  Never again.  I was just making tea.”

“Promise?”

He kisses both of Ed’s hands this time.  “I promise.  Now.  Would you like me to stay here, or go finish making the tea?  You can come with me if it would help.”

Ed thinks, then looks straight at Stede, clear-eyed.  “I’ll stay here,” he says.  “I trust you.”

Stede’s heart melts at this, and he leans up to kiss Ed.  “I won’t be long.  Here.”  He takes his watch from his waistcoat pocket and hands it to Ed. “Time me.”

Ed nods, then fixes Stede with a faux stern look.  “You better be quick,” he said.  “Any more than five minutes and you’ll have a mutiny on your hands.”

Stede stands and salutes.  “Five minutes, aye.  You’ll see me in four, Captain Blackbeard, sir!”  With a wink, he returns to the kitchen.

Four minutes later, as promised, he returns with the silver tea service Ed had secretly bought on their seventh anniversary.  Ed is focused on Roxie, their little tortie, purring loudly in his lap.  Stede gently sets the tray on the little table in front of the fire and begins making Ed’s cup.

A dollop of milk and seven sugars.  Wouldn’t be the same with six.  Stede could make that cup in his sleep.

Ed takes the cup and sips, then hums with pleasure.  “That’s perfect,” he says.  “You always get it just right.”

“Plus a little nip of rum, to keep out the damp,” says Stede, grinning as though he’d told a wicked secret.

“Even better,” says Ed, raising his cup in salute.  He takes another sip, gently stroking Roxie with his free hand.

“She’s a lot of company,” says Stede, nodding toward the little cat.

“She is,” Ed agrees.  He runs his thumb over her forehead as she closes her eyes, leaning into his hand.  He begins to sniffle.  “I…I can’t believe I…I shouldn’t have made Fang…”

Stede is standing in a flash.  “Oh, love, no…it’s okay…”  He wraps his arms around Ed’s shoulders.  Roxie manages to purr even louder, sitting up and sniffing at Ed’s tears.

“I’m not a good person,” Ed manages. “I’m not.”

“You are, darling, you are.  You’re my favorite person.”

“I made Fang kill his dog,” Ed gasps.

“I know, darling.  But that was a long time ago. You wouldn’t do that now,” Stede says, squeezing Ed’s shoulders.  “Right?”

Roxie butts her head into Ed’s cheek, an inquisitive meow mixing with her purrs.  “See that?  Roxie agrees,” says Stede.

Ed huffs a laugh.  “She’s the expert here, isn’t she?”

“That’s right,” Stede says solemnly.  “She’s a remarkable judge of character, and she loves you.”

Ed cups the little cat’s cheeks in his hands and kisses her on the head.  “And I love her.”  He rests his cheek on Stede’s head.  “Thank you.”

They stay that way for a long time, until Stede’s knees protest and he has to hobble back to his chair.  By then his tea is cold. He wrinkles his nose, but there’s nothing for it.

“Let’s go have a lie down,” he suggests.  “I’ll read to you.”

Ed nods, and Stede helps him from his chair and into the bedroom.  He helps Ed into his nightshirt, and then a knock on the door interrupts.

“I’ll be right back,” he says, helping Ed sit on the bed.  “Two shakes.”

He opens the door to find a young lad standing there, a wheelbarrow of items next to him.

“Oh!  Young Felix!  Whatever are you doing here?”

“Mama told me to bring you these,” says the boy, indicating the wheelbarrow.  “You left them.”

That’s when Stede sees that the wheelbarrow is full of books, the ones he’d picked out from Stephen’s cart.  There’s also a large sack of the fruit they’d purchased, and a small wrapped package of fried plantain.  It was all of their shopping, plus a little gift from a good friend.

“Oh,” he says again.  “Th…thank you.  Thank you, and please send our best to your mother.”  He unloads the wheelbarrow and sends the lad on his way with a generous tip.

“Who was it?” Ed asks as Stede returns, carrying a book.

“Felix,” Stede says.  “He brought us our shopping.”

“Ha, Felix.  Good kid.  Good kid.”  Ed smiles and settles back on his pillow.

Stede changes into his nightgown, knowing Ed is watching, and tucks himself into bed next to his husband.  He knows he’ll get up in an hour or so, once Ed is asleep, but it’s nice to settle in together.  He’ll get up and make dinner, and then Ed will rise to join him, and hopefully they’ll sit together by the fire until they really do need to go to bed for the night. 

Some nights were better than others.

He opens the book and begins to read.

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds…”

Notes:

I heard this song from my childhood and decided to write a bittersweet little story based on it

I had to include my little Roxie in this - she was the sweetest little cat, but she passed away last summer from cancer. I didn't have nearly enough time with her so I let her live with Stede and Ed, who will take very good care of her and treasure her always.