Chapter Text
IT’S A BONFIRE TURN THE LIGHTS OUT
Neil had actively been avoiding everyone since the fallout after Thanksgiving. Besides, it wasn’t Neil that needed the therapy. Nicky had been distinctly not himself, snapping at anyone who looked at him wrong, hiding away in his room and drinking himself to death while cursing at passersby from the window, speech slurred. In fact, Nicky’s drinking habit had gotten so severe that even Kevin had mentioned it- which was a testimonial to how extreme it was.
Everyone else had turned to Neil, whether for guidance and leadership, or to pass judgement, Neil couldn’t be sure. So, he had been bunkering in the library. Neil didn’t mind the library too much. It wasn’t anything spectacular, rows upon rows of white shelved stacks, chairs and desks tucked in between with wall to wall windows over looking the lawn where the pond was. On the otherside, Neil could see Fox Tower, and further back the Exy stadium roof glinting in the distance. It was a comforting space, a space which Neil enjoyed, a space which Neil felt safe in. There were so few of those these days.
Neil was trying to finish off his Spanish homework, when both an unfamiliar and unwelcome sight descended upon him. It was horrible.
Aaron was walking with a girl who Neil supposed was conventionally attractive, in that elfin way that some guys liked. Neil knew that his relationship with sex and attraction was peculiar. He had definately been attracted to people before. There had been others at the Nest that had crossed Neil’s mind. Guys. Girls. The idea of them liking Neil back however had quickly turned the butterflies into nausea. No one in their right mind would willingly like him back. Neil was already too used, too broken to beliked by anyone else. He was resolute that he would probably adopt some strange pet like an orphaned possum or injured racoon and live his days out with his weird petting zoo and playing Exy. That was if he lived…
“Hi Neil! It is Neil isn’t it?” The girl wasn’t as willowy as others, lean muscles that indicated athleticism and core strength. Her hair was a fair strawberry blonde, streaks of faded copper weaved in and out of the strands, and her blue eyes sparked with warmth. She was taller than Aaron, but curled into him with an ease and fondness that made it seem like their height was perfectly compatible. She grinned at Neil, and held out a hand. The nails were scrubbed and polished, but the marks and blisters pointed towards her being some sort of gymnast. Neil studied the hand, blinked, then shook it catiously.
“Katelyn, let’s go” Aaron said through gritted teeth, tugging on the straps of his backpack. Katelyn pressed her lips together but her smile wavered. Neil wondered how much she must have spent to get her teeth looking so pearly white. He ran his tongue over his own, feeling the jagged edges and fuzzy scum that he couldn’t really scrape off, no matter how hard he scrubbed. And he did- often, Seth had some strange habits, and his insistence on oral hygenie was up there.
Aaron clearly wasn’t interested in being there, the same way in which Neil didn’t want him there either. But in a losing battle of will, Aaron remained. “I was inviting Aaron here to come to the Vixen bonfire party? Maybe you could help him convince the rest of your team to join?” Neil looked at Katelyn up and down.
“You’re a Vixen.” It was less of a question and more of a statement. It made sense as to why Aaron would trail his gaze over the girls at the start of each game. He was looking for his… His what? Exactly? Certainly not his girlfriend, Aaron spent all his time with Andrew, and Neil highly doubted that Andrew would be willing to share his brother’s attention with anyone else. No one wonder Aaron was so bitter all the time.
Katelyn’s grin widened at Neil’s hesitant recognition of her.
“I sure am! You’re one superb player Wesiniski! Maybe you’ve seen the bonfire the football team has been putting together?” Katelyn nodded to the green outside, and looped an arm through Aaron’s, resting the side of her cheek atop his sandy blonde hair. Aaron relaxed almost immediately, before remembering where he was and who he was with, putting back up his guard. Neil dismissed this reaction, and instead turn to look out of the window.
Sure enough, a huge stack of tree branches, wooden pallets, old bits of furniture and cardboard and been constructed into a huge, towering dump in the middle. Every now and again kids were emptying old textbooks and folders onto the heap. No doubt a mood booster. “There’s going to be live music, and beer, and s’mores-”
“What are those?” The question was out of Neil’s mouth before he could stop himself. He internally kicked himself, but he was so distracted these days, it was hard to keep absolutely every thought to himself. Kateyln’s smile fell into a more puzzled look as she stared at him quizzcally.
“You’re never had a s’more before?”
Aaron rolled his eyes, an impatient child as he tugged on Katelyn’s arm. “I told you- emotionally and intellectually stunted.”
Neil raised his eyebrows, “high praise, coming from you.” Aaron scowled while Katelyn clucked her tongue at him.
“Aaron I won’t have this. Apologise to Neil.”
Neil pressed his lips together while Aaron muttered a barely audible apology. Katelyn wasn’t the ditsy cheerleaders that Neil was used to. The ones for Edgar Allen Stadium weren’t exactly star quality. They were more interested in hooking up with the players and making it onto TV so they could be ‘discovered’ for Next Top Model. Neil knew the Vixens were the sort of cheerleaders that an indie movie company would make a documentary about, crediting them for performing third-wave feminism in a still highly sexist environment- the sort of film that earned academey awards. But Katelyn was a whole other level of backbone. Neil made a mental note not to underestimate her.
“I think it would be great for the team to go to the bonfire,” Neil agreed, speaking more so to Aaron than to Kateyln. “Thank you for the invite.”
Katelyn waved goodbye, finally relenting into Aaron’s effort to drag her away from Neil. Neil, in return bit his lip to stop a smile from encroaching on his face. He had finally found a way in with Aaron- a way to make him more accepting of the team. If he could convince Katelyn to help him, Aaron would become a fully-fledged team member.
Suddenly Spanish homework didn’t seem that interesting anymore.
***
Katelyn must have known the girls better than Neil had anticipated or noticed, as they had received a text from her inviting them to the bonfire before Neil had made it back from the library. It had been easy to convince Matt an Seth to go- wherever their girlfriends went, the seemed to pop up eventually. Neil supposed it was an inevitable couple thing. At some point it switches from ‘I’ to ‘We’ and ‘Me and my girlfriend did this!’ It never seemed to be on purpose, more just a fact of natural law.
Nicky was still in qualms over what happened at his parents. The others had been filled in with the minimum details of the event, and they didn’t ask questions which made it easier on Neil in avoiding the memories of himself with Riko, of himself with Proust. Still, Seth had spent a considerable time talking, pleading with Nicky into going.
Reluctantly, Nicky said yes.
Jean and Kevin were more than willing to go, mostly looking for an opportunity to do something that involved fun, freedom, and a standard college experience. Anyway, Kevin had read that teams perform better with group extracurricular activities beyond the court. He was adamant that the excursion would make the team play better.
Andrew took the most convincing. After being released from Abby’s dutiful care, Andrew had returned, wearing highcoloured polo necks, and wollen sleeves to completely cover the bruising on his arms. Not eager to rejoin the masses again, he had refused the first two times when Aaron had asked. But after clocking that to fulfil his promise to his brothers in arms, Andrew had caved and agreed to go. This meant he was about as much as doing a marathon sprint barefoot on lego, but Neil was determiend to not let this put a total damper on the evening.
It was truly dark by the time that the Foxes reached the bonfire, which had been lit in a grand procession of the football team hurling fiery projectiles at the construction. All of the sports teams had arrived; the swim team, the basketball team, the football team- as well as spirited students who were interested in an evening of getting drunk.
The bonfire, despite being a major health and saftey risk to entire school body, was magnificent. The flames torched the sky with vermillion embers. Some kids even had marshmallows stuck to the end of skewers, roasting them like a spit. The Foxes team, not on great terms with the rest of the school, mostly stuck to themselves, finding a more subdued corner to settle in.
Seth dumped the folding chairs he had stolen from one of the lecture room (Neil didn’t ask which) onto the grass. Despite the frost and the foul weather, the tinder in the bonfire didn’t have any trouble going up in flames. “Man those were heavy!” Seth growled, shaking out his arms. Allison tutted, taking one from the ground with the tips of her fingers and unfolding it.
“No one asked you to carry them all babe!” She called out, settling in and rumagaing around in the back she brought with her. She fished out a bottle whiskey and some red cups, pouring shots for everyone and passing them around. She then picked up a bottle of apple cider, and poured some out for Renee, who took it with a silent thank you.
Seth tucked himself into a chair next to Allison, dragging a blanket over both of their knees, but was watching Nicky, who was staring at the bonfire. Renee slipped her hand in his, squeezing gently. “How about you and I go make s’more’s?” She whispered. Nicky dipped his head slightly, a faint smile, and kissed Renee on the top of her head. “Go on then,” he answered, and Renee set her apple cider down, along with Nicky’s cup, and skipped off towards the fire.
Matt settled into another chair next to Seth, and hauled Dan onto his lap, his hands disappearing up the back of her jacket and under her jumper. Neil didn’t have to guess what was going on, but he fought against his reflex to sock Matt in the jaw and allowed for them both to fall into the rhythm of one anothers gravity. Neil was aware of him staring, but he chugged back his whiskey, covering his mouth with the back of his hand to stop himself from retching at the fiery burn in the back of his mouth. Next, he reached for Nicky’s abandoned cup and knocked that back again.
Neil didn’t have Kevin’s tolerance towards alcohol, nor did he have Jean’s vulgarity attitude towards the hard liqueur which Allison had so kindly provided. Jean was more of a purest, and despite the Nest having tried to knock every inch of artistorcay from Jean, he had clung to it even still. Where that left Neil, was a low tolerance to rarely ever drinking (that, or his short stature,) yet an astonishing ability to drink whatever came his way.
Neil shook his head as if to clear it, and stumbled in a direction towards the fire, almost tripping over an inconviently placed foot that someone had left in his path. “Shit,” Neil cursed, letting the cup drop from his hand as he tumbled forward. He expected his body to follow in a similar direction, but a hand reached up and fisted in the fabric of Neil’s coat before he fell flat on his face.
“Watch where you’re going Wesinski,” Andrew drawled. Neil had noticed that Andrew had separated himself from the group, but he wasn’t sure when he had clocked that movement. In fact, he wasn’t sure when watching Andrew had become quite so ingrained in his subconscious. He knew that it must have been since he was certain that Andrew wasn’t like the others. He was someone that Neil could understand- even silently. Andrew squinted up at Neil, his fingers digging in through the clothing like he was trying to scratch at Neil but not break the barrier, not touch Neil’s skin. Not that Neil would have minded. Now that was a more terrifying thought. “You’re drunk,” Andrew mused.
“No,” Neil rebutted almost immediately. The way that Andrew said though made it sound like a matter of fact rather than a statement. Still, it was part of Neil’s nature to be defensive. “It’s dark. And the only colour you ever wear is black-”
“Black isn’t a colour, it’s a shade,” Andrew interrupted, earning himself an irritated glare from Neil. It looked like Andrew was almost about to smile, but Neil ripped himself from Andrew’s grip and collapsed onto the ground next to Andrew. Arguably, this was the closest that they had ever been since Andrew had carried him that day in the storm. Parts of their legs, their arms, were touching. Neil waited for the moment of panic, for his heart to beat a mile a minute, for something to make him want to get up and run. Instead, Neil settled in, breathing in the mixed scent of burning wood, cigarette ash that always seemed to linger with Andrew, and the smell of peppermint which Neil could only assume was Andrew’s shower gel. Andrew stiffened at the movement from Neil, but relaxed almost just as immediately, reaching beside him and passing Neil a bottle of vodka.
Neil took a swig of it, winced, and handed it back. “Shade, whatever,” he carried on mumbling, the silence beginning to feel weighted. “But setting yourself as a trap to kill unsuspecting students as they walk past is rude.”
Andrew laughed. He actually tipped his head back, and laughed. It was horse, and gruff, and clearly not a noise that Andrew was used to making very often. It sounded both utterly strange and utterly right to Neil, and he suppressed a grin. Should he die this year, he hoped he could make Andrew laugh again- just once more before he was sent to his grave.
“Rude?” Andrew quiered in disbelief. “My, my, my, it must be down right insulting by anyone elses’ standards.”
Neil shrugged, biting on his lip to stop himself from grinning widely, stopping himself from looking like him, looking like his father. Andrew let Neil reach across him to put the bottle back where it had been, not tensing this time. Improvement. “What can I say? I have a minor attitude problem.”
Andrew studied him for a moment, his finger tracing a pattern on his leg. “And you’re an expert at killing people too, aren’t you? How did you do it?”
Neil gulped, and turned his attention to the fire in front of him. It was glittering, and in the light he could see Aaron and Katelyn, smiling, talking, kissing. It all seemed so easy for people the likes of them. “Why? You looking for tips?”
“Maybe.”
Neil hesitated. It wasn’t a conversation he really felt like having, and especially not one that he wanted to have in public. Still, he knew Andrew. Enough to know that Andrew wasn’t going to turn him in to the cops. No, Andrew was asking less out of grotesque curiosity, and more out of fear. After what he had been through, Neil didn’t blame him. He must have paused for too long, as Andrew looked like he was going to talk Neil out of answering the question- not apologising for asking, but giving Neil an exit from the conversation. “I burnt my mother alive.” The answer was enough to stump Andrew, and Neil felt a flicker of victory. The guy had an answer for everything.
Andrew pursed his lips together, a glint in his eye as he said, “and yet you like the smell of smoke? Some would say that’s sick.”
Neil chuckled. “Yeah, I’m proper messed up.”
“Almost pyschopathic.”
“Takes one to know one.” Neil looked back at Andrew, and watched his lips quirk, but he didn’t smile, he didn’t laugh. Neil knew that he wanted to though. Neither one were pyschopathic. No, they both were very in tune with their feelings. The difficulty of that, is that you feel everything too much, everything all over at once. It was exhausting, but switching it all off? Making it disappear? It was a glorious side effect. Yes, Neil could do terrible things, but the guilt of watching those he loved and cared for was crushing, enough to damn him to eternity and back.
“Andrew,” Neil asked, licking his lips, “do you ever think you can be….” Neil searched for the right word. “Normal?”
Andrew picked up the bottle and drank from it. “Sounds boring.” Neil nodded his head, scrunching his eyebrows together. “To be normal is to be average, to be nothing,” Andrew continued. “You, Little Rabbit, are not nothing, no matter how much you wish to be.”
Neil wasn’t sure what came over him, but he reached out to touch Andrew’s face, stopping when realised what he was doing and placed his hand over Andrew’s, over the bottle.
“I-” He moaned, not sure how to finish the sentence, not sure how to verbalise the turmoil of feelings that raged inside of him. Andrew locked eyes with Neil, and did what could only be described as soften- as much as you can soften granite rock.
“I know,” he whispered back.