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Well now, anonymous, thank you for your lovely long letter, so heartfelt and touching.
You tell me that you feel torn in two because you love two men, and you do not know what to do. You feel wretched, not for yourself, but because you feel that in your heart, you cannot give either of them what they want. My dear, there are many ways to love a man, and none of them should be a source of distress to you.
Now, when I read your letter, I thought immediately of the judgement of Solomon. Two women fighting over a child, both claiming ownership. To find out the true mother of the child, he orders it to be cut in half, and half given to each. Immediately one of the women begs him to give the child to the other rather than do this. Thus the King discovers which of the two women truly loves the child and gives it to her. I remind you of this story, not as a practical suggestion of course, but because you must remember that if either of these men care for you one jot, they will want you to be happy first and foremost, whatever choice you make, if indeed you need to make a choice.
You shared your story with me, and I am truly sorry for all your troubles. I sense from your letter that you are content with your own company, which is a rare quality. As you get older you will learn how rare, and how valuable. You underestimate the strength of character you have shown in your life so far. But you say you do not know your place in the world, and that is very clear to me on reading your letter. You are tortured by the thought that you have a deeper purpose in life that you cannot fulfil. I feel your frustration in every line, and if I may be so bold, I wonder if there are some parts missing here, which might explain why you feel so ambivalent about sharing yourself with the world. My dear, you are a cryptic puzzle indeed and this old Lady would be grateful for some help in solving you.
Now, if you’ve read this column as avidly as you say you have, I’m sure you will know that I cannot tell you what choice to make, but I will say this to you. You must not feel guilty just for existing. You feel strongly and I am sure that sometimes you believe that those feelings leak out of you and poison those around you. I can assure you they do not, and those thoughts of yours are perfectly normal. Believe me, I worry more about letters which contain no mention of feelings at all.
You say you are a quiet sort, and that sometimes you struggle to assert yourself. I hesitate to interfere with that because you seem to have good instincts. From your factual descriptions I imagine you are well-liked and you have a positive attitude to life. Two men are in love with you my dear! What you call impulsiveness, others might call a ‘can-do attitude’ or something of the sort. It is clearly a very charming quality. However, partial success can be deceptive, and if you have managed to bring joy it does not mean it is your fault if you cannot repeat the feat.
And so I must remind you that it is not your job to protect them. You will end up resenting them for it, and that way bitterness lies. You may say you can bear it now, but you will not be able to bear it for long. And as Polonius says, “To thine own self be true: and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” You will know which path you want to take, and perhaps you already do. I am not sure that is the purpose of your letter in the end. I think it is the terrible news you must deliver that is troubling you. So I say to you, you must not worry. Your honesty and good intentions will protect you. Only do not delay for too long. Underneath your indecision is impatience, and you may find in the end that you cannot control it.
Well, my dear, Good luck, and I do hope you will tell me how you get on.
Best wishes
Lady Vera