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It takes a while for Joo Ha to be honest with himself and admit that yes, he does have feelings for Do Yoon, and that yes, he is pining. But in a valiant, restrained way, not like a loser. Or maybe he should admit that he kinda knew that even before, of course he did. After all that’s why he felt like he was dying when Do Yoon decided to listen to his angry, stupid request and left him alone. Joo Ha just pushed it deeply inside and put a wall around those feelings and never said to himself clearly ‘I want him, I love him.’ Until now.
But he’s convinced that he hides it well. Until Tae Yi mutters under his breath one day while they have a break during their rehearsal: “Just fucking kiss him already.”
Do Yoon and Se Heon are watching something on Se Heon’s phone and giggling, their heads bent and pressed together. And Joo Ha is staring, he knows that, but again in a restrained way, not like an obsessive creep. And he really didn’t think anyone else noticed him doing that.
“What?” Joo Ha says, trying very hard to fight the blush that threatens to creep over his cheeks.
“What?” Tae Yi says, mimicking Joo Ha’s tone of voice. “You look really stupid like that, you know?” he adds with an infuriating smirk.
Joo Ha stands up, pushing his chair so violently back that it falls down. Tae Yi stands up, too. ‘What can you do to me’ his eyes seem to ask. And for a few seconds Joo Ha is tempted to just raise his fist and swing. He doesn’t. But even so there must be something murderous in both their gazes because Se Heon and Do Yoon stop what they’re doing, looking rather alarmed. And they jump in between Joo Ha and Tae Yi to separate them and push them back.
Do Yoon and Se Heon have matching looks of worry mixed with exasperation on their faces. Do Yoon also rolls his eyes a little. He nods in agreement when Se Heon says: “We’ll better finish for today.”
“What did he say that riled you up so much?” Do Yoon asks later when they are walking home after the rehearsal.
“Nothing,” Joo Ha says.
Do Yoon gives him a skeptical look, but he doesn’t push. And for the next few minutes their talk turns to the much safer subject of the song they were rehearsing earlier. Until there is a sound of thunder in the distance and in a matter of seconds there is water pouring over their heads.
“Damn it, damn it, damn it!” Joo Ha shouts, grabbing Do Yoon’s wrist and dragging him under the nearest tree.
It’s dark and the street is deserted, especially since it’s already raining so heavily as if someone somewhere up there turned on the faucet full on.
“You look like a wet dog, hyung,” Do Yoon laughs, after they’re finally more or less safe under the luxuriant tree crown.
“Oh, really?” Joo Ha asks.
He shakes his head so hard that droplets from his wet hair hit Do Yoon in the face. Do Yoon laughs harder and raises his hands to cover his eyes. Joo Ha steps even closer, trying to pry Do Yoon’s hands from his face and make him even more wet. Do Yoon tries to resist and he tries to jump back. He stumbles, swaying dangerously, and Joo Ha catches him by the waist on instinct, and pulls him closer to steady him.
And suddenly, so suddenly Do Yoon is close. So close, too close, his face just centimeters from Joo Ha’s face. And Joo Ha can’t help but let his gaze fall to Do Yoon’s mouth. It’s wet and half-opened, and so pretty. Joo Ha freezes as his heart starts racing, his mind going in a direction it went a lot lately. Do Yoon notices his gaze and his stillness and misinterprets it.
“I’m sorry, hyung. I’m sorry,” he says as he takes a step back.
Or tries to, because Joo Ha still doesn’t let go of Do Yoon’s waist. Being close with Do Yoon like that is something he craves a lot lately. It’s something he hungers for. It’s something that leads to him pushing his hand under the covers at night and biting his lips to stop moans spilling from his mouth. He wants Do Yoon desperately. And everything inside him twists into knots as he tries to fight the denial and shame.
Do Yoon still hugged him sometimes, always making a show out of it, giving Joo Ha plenty of time to back out of it if he wanted to. Joo Ha never did, even if sometimes he sighed in pretend annoyance. And he ignored the flutter in his heart every time Do Yoon’s eyes lit up with contentment when Joo Ha didn’t push him away.
But hugging was all Do Yoon did. He never tried anything else, and Joo Ha told himself that he was grateful for that. But secretly he hoped that Do Yoon would cross the line again, like he did before. He hoped that Do Yoon would come closer and press his lips to Joo Ha’s lips again, and force Joo Ha to admit the truth.
“Hyung,” Do Yoon says in a strange voice when Joo Ha still doesn’t let go of his waist.
His eyes are huge and hopeful, and Joo Ha can’t stand it anymore.
“Don’t you really want to kiss me anymore?” Joo Ha asks.
A little shiver goes through Do Yoon’s body and Joo Ha feels it with his arm so tight around Do Yoon’s thin waist.
“I do. I always do. But I promised you, didn’t I? That I won’t do it without warning?” Do Yoon says.
“But you could... I don’t know, inform me beforehand. Or something like that,” Joo Ha says, words stumbling out of his mouth before he overthinks things and not say anything again.
Do Yoon blinks. “Hyung,” he says slowly, maybe even a little bit dreamily.
“Yes?”
“I’m informing you that I’m going to kiss you now.”
“Oh,” Joo Ha can only say because Do Yoon is suddenly very close again, and the intense look in his eyes makes Joo Ha’s heart skip a beat.
And then Joo Ha’s lips are claimed in a light, but so incredibly hot kiss.
But short, too short. And when Do Yoon draws back Joo Ha finds himself leaning in and grabbing Do Yoon by his waist and pulling him closer again. And kissing him. Do Yoon gasps against his mouth. His lips part and somehow there is a tongue licking against Joo Ha’s lower lip. And later it slips inside Joo Ha’s mouth a little. And Joo Ha likes it. He likes it a lot.
When they stop kissing Joo Ha’s lips are tingling, and his heart is pounding. Do Yoon’s eyes are a little glazed over and he looks at Joo Ha, unblinking and waiting.
“I want to kiss you again,” Joo Ha finds himself saying. “Fuck, Do Yoon-ah, I want to do so many things with you.”
And it’s worth it, just to see Do Yoon’s eyes shining with happiness. It makes Joo Ha feel breathless.
“Yes, please,” Do Yoon whispers. “Please, kiss me again.”
And Joo Ha does.