Chapter Text
The news about Jamie Tartt broke the day after the accident happened, someone at the hospital had leaked it which made Isaac angry, it made them all angry. It was one of the things he hated about being a professional football player, the lack of privacy and not being treated like a human being. He hadn’t had a second to even process what the fuck happened himself and now his phone was ringing off the hook from other players from different clubs trying to find out if it was true, from reporters wanting a quote from Richmond’s captain and random friends he’d had over the years that were football fans and wanted his insider knowledge or whatever the fuck. It was exhausting and all he wanted to do was sleep but every time he closed his eyes he saw Jamie, his friend, laying on the road, covered in blood looking terrified and how was he supposed to sleep with that picture in his head?
Isaac knew that he had to step up, he couldn’t lose it right now. The lads were going to be upset, obviously. Someone had died but it wasn’t just anyone, it was Jamie. He was always in the middle of everything, he was friends with pretty much everyone on the team and the idea of going into training and not seeing him bounce through the door with Roy after whatever torture their coach had put him through that morning seemed unreal. It was going to be hard but it was going to be harder staying home, having that moment looming over them so he decided he was going to get it over with as soon as he could and wanted to encourage the other lads to do the same.
Taking out his phone he ignored the hundreds of messages sitting there waiting for him and instead opened the Richmond group chat, his fingers hovering over the keypad when he read the last text that had been sent in the chat.
Tartt: Tonight’s going to be mad, ya know!!
Isaac’s throat tightened. Jamie had been so excited to go out with the lads, it seemed weird at the time, it was just a night out. They’d had plenty before but as he tried to think of the last time Jamie had gone out with them, he couldn’t remember. In fact he couldn’t actually remember the last time Jamie had a proper conversation with anyone other than Roy or even come over for a night of fifa with him and Colin that they used to do before— well he wasn’t sure, it had been months. Guilt bubbled in his chest but he tried to push it away but no matter how hard he tried it came back in full force and it only just hit him when it all started. When Jamie stopped being part of their group and one name came to mind.
Zava.
At the time Isaac thought Jamie was being stupid for worrying about their new teammate, they were scoring goals and winning weren’t they? So what was the problem? Up until now he thought it was jealousy. Jamie Tartt was jealous that someone else was getting all the attention that was usually directed at him. Now he could see it, he could understand it. Jamie had felt pushed out. He felt abandoned and it wasn’t his imagination or him being over dramatic, they stopped including him because it was easier than hearing him bitch about Zava all the time. They were supposed to be his friends but they’d fucked up, hadn’t they? Instead of doing shit with Jamie separately to make sure he felt secure and that, they’d focused completely on Zava. Isaac at the time just wanted their new teammate to feel welcome, that was his job as captain, innit. He never meant for Jamie to feel like he lost his teammates, his closest friends.
Shaking his head, he couldn’t go down that thought spiral right now so instead he started typing out a message to his fellow greyhounds.
heading to nelson road.
Instead of waiting for them to respond, he turned his phone off. He didn’t want to have to field replies, whoever showed up, showed up. Whoever didn’t, didn’t. He wasn’t going to force people to go, everyone had their own ways of dealing with shit but he wanted to be there for those who wanted to be around friends, somewhere familiar. Their home away from home.
Arriving at Nelson Road after the short drive, Isaac managed to park quickly since there were hardly any other cars in the car park. He got out of his car, heading towards the building and as he did he immediately spotted the little collection of flowers, teddies and pictures that had already started showing up against the fence for Jamie. He didn’t stop to look, he couldn’t. Instead he headed for door and straight to the locker room to see if anyone else had shown up and gotten there before he had. One glance around the room told him that he was the first person there which was good, he had to take a second to settle himself before dealing with whoever walked through the door next.
On his second glance around the room, he realised their kits were hanging neatly below their cubbies. Naturally his gaze kept moving to one in particular, number 9. Obviously they were put out before the accident happened, when Jamie was going to be out on the pitch with them and seeing it hanging there, where it was supposed to be somehow made it feel less real. Like Jamie was going to bounce in the door with one of his wild stories, hanging off one of them, Sam most likely, for the rest of the day.
“Isaac?”
He turned when he heard the familiar Welsh accent, coming face to face with Colin who was the first to arrive which really didn’t surprise him much. Usually the two of them came as a pair, he had no question about whether his best friend would show up or not. He knew he would. Before he could say anything to Colin, the door opened again and in came some more of the lads, all giving him a nod or some sort of signal that they’d seen him and acknowledged he was there. He felt proud to be the captain of Richmond, the team who were more than just teammates but friends and a support system for each other.
Isaac had waited another half an hour before realising everyone who wanted to come was there. Colin had been the first to show up, followed by Sam and then Richard, Jan Maas and Declan. After that a few other lads would show up but the one person he hoped would be there, that he’d kept an eye out for hadn’t turned up. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Dani to be alone right now but he remembered the Earl incident and how torn up he was, not that this was the same thing. What happened to Jamie wasn’t Dani’s fault but it did worry him that he hadn’t answered any of the texts or calls Isaac had sent his way. Dani and Jamie were close, all the lads were but Dani, Sam and Jamie had a little trio thing going on before Zava joined the team and he had hoped Dani would show up today with Sam, but apparently he had no interest in joining them which was fine, he didn’t have to.
He looked around at the lads all sitting in different corners of the room, not speaking. Not even looking at each other and he felt so out of his depth here. He knew he was the captain and people would be looking at him to set some kind of example but how was he supposed to set that when he didn’t know what the fuck he was meant to do or how he was meant to act? Isaac stood, planning on finding something to say to them, maybe letting them know he was glad they came or whatever but before he had the chance, the door to the coaches office slammed open and Roy looked furious, storming out and into the room. Isaac had no idea any of the coaches were even in the building, he thought he and the other players were the only ones at Nelson Road and by the way everyone else jumped at the sound of the door hitting the wall, he wasn’t the only one.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”
His head turned to see who Roy was talking to and poor Will was standing, a bunch of kits in his arms, one of his hands on Jamie’s, ready to take it down, his eyes almost comically wide as he avoided Roy’s murderous gaze. He couldn’t blame their coach, it was hard for all of them to imagine Jamie not playing but he knew it had to be even harder for Roy. He’d known about the two of them for a while, neither of them told him outright but he could tell because of kinesics. Body science. They had both been smiling at each other a lot more, Roy seemed the most relaxed when around Jamie (no clenched arse), they would subtly touch each other and not in the way they all did, more like lingering grazes. They weren’t the most subtle about it but the rest of the team hadn’t seemed to notice and he figured Roy would try to head butt him if he brought it up so for now he was pretending he had no idea.
“I’m sorry— I was, uh, they told me to take all the kits down from the cubbies I didn’t mean to..”
Will was interrupted by Roy growling and Isaac decided to step in before the situation got out of hand.
“You’re alright, Will.” He nodded and watched as the kid scurried away from the situation. “Listen up! No one touches Jamie’s kit, captains orders!”
Everyone immediately nodded their heads in agreement, he was sure none of them were ready to see their number 9 come down for the very last time either so it wasn’t hard to convince them and Roy looked relieved, giving Isaac a single nod of approval before disappearing back into the coaches office, the door slamming shut once again but this time no one flinched, they expected it.
When he looked back to the lads, he realised Sam was gone. He hadn’t noticed him leaving but now he felt like he had to go find him and make sure he was okay. Jamie and Sam had a complicated history but they were also arguably the closest out of everyone on the team and they were the most emotional, in his opinion, so he needed to make sure Sam was doing alright even though he already knew the answer. None of them were doing already.
“Anyone see where Sam went?”
His question was met with shrugs and looks around the room like they’d only just noticed he was gone. Realising they weren’t going to be much help he decided to start walking, figuring he’d find Sam eventually which is exactly what happened.. well, he passed Will on his way to the boot room and he let Isaac know that Sam had grabbed a bag of balls and headed out onto the pitch which made sense. He was upset, of course he would want to take his frustration out on something he was good at so he quickly made his way out onto the pitch, spotting Sam immediately but he didn’t approach at first, for a few minutes he just stood back and watched the kid angrily kick the balls into the goal, not that may of them were going in.
“Sam? You alright, bruv?”
His question went unanswered which made sense, it was a pretty stupid one but Sam didn’t even say that, he just stepped back to take another shot and missed, resulting in him angrily kicking at the grass before finally turning to face Isaac.
“You know back in Nigeria some people believe that death is not an end to life, but simply a transition to a new world and I like to think that is true. Those that we love who left us too soon, in a new world that is so beautiful and happy, waiting for us to join them when it is our time.”
Isaac didn’t know that but he didn’t say so, he just nodded at Sam. He hoped that Jamie and all the other people he’d lost in his life like his nan were in a beautiful place where he would one day get to see them again.
“I hope wherever Jamie is, he is happy. I just, he is too young, I wish he did not have to go now. I keep thinking this is a dream, that I am going to wake up or Jamie is going to come through the door and ask why everyone is so upset.”
Sam turned towards the goal post, this time kicking the ball and sending it flying into the net.
“I miss him.”
“Yeah.” Isaac agreed. “Me too.”
They didn’t say anything else after that, Isaac just stood there with crossed arms as Sam continued to kick the balls at the goal until the bag was empty and one by one the rest of the lads came trailing out and joined them on the pitch. He wasn’t sure who started it but before long a small 4 v 4 was going on, they were passing the ball between them, scoring and laughing as they fumbled, only going silent when someone would make a pass to who was supposed to be in the middle of it all. Jamie. For a moment it had been nice, almost being able to forget someone was missing but that was never going to last because Jamie was their central cog, he was always in the middle of everything and it was very apparent he was missing but no one said anything, they just continued the game, something they knew how to do until they were all spent, accepting drinks from Will who had brought them out after seeing what the lads were doing.
Everyone was heading back inside but Isaac stayed behind to help Sam and Will clear up the balls.
“Have you heard from Dani at all since—”
Sam shook his head sadly before Isaac had the chance to finish his sentence, opening and closing his mouth a few times before eventually turning back to face him with a serious look on his face.
“No. I have tried to call him and text him but I have not seen him since we went to the police station and he was not there.” Sam admitted. “I could go round to his house and see if he is okay? I was trying to give him space but I am worried.”
Isaac thought about it for a second, he was also trying to give everyone space but he had this weird feeling about Dani. Making his decision, he nodded. None of them could get hold of him so someone should check on him, even if it was slightly overstepping. Sam was his closest friend so it made sense for it to be him, that and he was the one who offered.
“Alright but if something seems wrong or you need help, text or call someone alright?”
After receiving a nod of agreement, Isaac gave him a handshake before they headed back inside with the other lads who were probably hitting the showers already.
Isaac was at his own cubby, changing back into his street clothes when he noticed. Immediately he headed over to Jamie’s cubby to investigate, hoping the shirt had just fallen down or something but he frowned when he realised that wasn’t the case. Looking around, he was checking to see if anyone else had noticed or had moved it but when there were no signs of it, he could feel the anger rising in him again.
“Who the fuck took it?” He shouted into the silence, getting the attention of all three coaches who were now there as well as his teammates. “I told you all to fucking leave it where it was so who took it?”
Everyone looked a bit confused, looking around at each other to try and figure out who it was that took the missing shirt but they weren’t being quick enough for Isaac. It wasn’t just the fact they hadn’t listened to him, it was the fact someone in that room had taken something that didn’t belong to them, that they were specifically told not to take. His eyes roamed over every single one of them, hoping his knowledge of body language would be useful but right now he couldn’t tell. He was too worked up and the rest of them seemed just as stressed out about the situation as he was.
“What is the big deal about a shirt? Zava does not understand why everyone is upset.”
It went silent, Isaac looked to his left and saw their teammate standing at his cubby, one that used to belong to Jamie before he arrived and was forced into giving it up. He had no idea Zava was even there but by the looks of it he’d arrived for a workout or meditation and had no interest in joining them outside.
“Jamie Tartt is no longer here, so why does it matter if his shirt is gone? He cannot use it.”
“What the fuck did you just say to me?”
The room immediately burst into outrage and all Isaac could do was stand there and wonder how the fuck they had ever let the arrival of that arsehole push out someone who really was their friend. Zava was still talking but Isaac couldn’t hear anything he was saying over the shouting of the other players. He managed to catch something about Jamie’s talent going to waste and he lost it. Isaac lunged for him, the only thing stopping him was Colin and Jan Maas who were holding him back but he quickly shoved them off of him.
“Alright everyone, it’s okay, calm down!”
He wasn’t sure which of the coaches said it but for some reason it set him off. He couldn’t keep the anger he was holding in for the sake of being a good captain anymore.
“No it’s not alright! We let this guy come in here and change things, made one of us feel pushed out and we are all guilty for letting that happen but now we can’t fix it because he’s dead! How the fuck is that alright?”
Isaac didn’t wait for an answer, he was off before anyone could say anything because he didn’t want to cry in front of the lads. He’d never done it before and he didn’t plan on doing it now. It wasn’t that he was upset, he was just so angry, not at the team or even at Zava but at himself. What kind of captain was he to allow one of their own to feel left out. What if Jamie died thinking that none of them cared about him? That thought haunted him because they did care about Jamie and he just wished they’d made sure he knew that before it was too late.
He had only been in the boot room a few second before the door opened and he half expected Will to be standing there but no, of course it was Roy.
“Fuck off Roy, I really don’t need you to shout at me, okay?”
“I’m not here to shout at you.”
That surprised Isaac but he just nodded his head, letting his gaze move back to the floor again, settling into the awkward silence as Roy took a seat beside him.
“You were right, what you said about Zava but you also have to know that Jamie is.. was..” The coach cleared his throat. “Jamie was a grown man, he could have talked to you or invited you to do fucking whatever shit it is you lads do. It’s not all on you, McAdoo.”
He paused, finally glancing up to meet Roy’s gaze, trying not to look as guilty as he felt.
“He did.”
“What?”
“Jamie” Isaac clarified. “Asked if me, Colin, Dani and Sam wanted to go play fifa one night, we were busy with Zava. Didn’t even say another night, just said no.”
Roy looked angry and for a second Isaac was sure he was going to punch or head butt him but to his credit he didn’t, he just tensed and nodded for Isaac to continue.
“How am I supposed to continue being a good captain if I can’t see how badly we were acting towards one of the players?”
“Oi, you’re a great fucking captain, much better than I was. Yes, you made a mistake with Jamie, we all did but you’ve learnt from it. You won’t fucking do it again and that’s what matters.”
Isaac slowly nodded his head. That was true, he wouldn’t ever make this mistake again. It was too late to make it right with Jamie but it wasn’t too late for him to be better. To grow, just like their friend had since his time at Richmond. Though he knew he wouldn’t do it again, he still didn’t feel like he was the captain everyone deserved.
“He’s right you know.”
Both his and Roy’s heads turned to find the source of the voice and of fucking course there was Will standing with the bottles he’d given out to the team earlier.
“You are a good captain, everyone thinks so. You can’t let one bad decision make you think otherwise. If you were a bad captain you wouldn’t care about how you made Jamie feel.”
Roy grunted his agreement while Isaac just stared at the kit man. He really should have checked to see if he was inside before starting a private conversation. Never mind Roy being here, there and every fucking where, it seemed like Will was here, there and every fucking where, it was almost impressive how he managed to find himself in these types of situations. He could only imagine all the gossip he accidentally found out over the years. Isaac gave Will a short nod, much like Roy had. They were right, if he was a shit captain he wouldn’t care about how they made Jamie feel.
His head turned when he heard the door close and he realised the two had given him a minute alone, he made a silent promise to himself in that moment that he would never let what happened with Zava happen again. He didn’t care who joined the team in the future, there was no way he was going to have a repeat of this.
Isaac gave himself a few minutes after Roy and Will both left him alone before he pulled himself together and left the boot room, heading back out to locker room. Everyone was where he left them and he could tell they were trying not to stare, other than Colin who was in his space immediately asking if he was okay which he nodded that he was.
“I want to apologise. I shouldn’t have lost my shit. I don’t want to be that kind of captain, so I’m sorry.”
He was met with a chorus of it’s alright mate’s and we’re all upset right now’s. He planned on apologising to Zava too but apparently he didn’t care since he went ahead and left the second Isaac stormed off.
With that out of the way he looked back at Jamie’s cubby and the shirt still wasn’t back like he was hoping it would be.
“I hope whoever took the shirt does the right thing and has it back there where it belongs by next training session, I get it. We all miss him but it should be up there where it belongs.”
Once again everyone looked around at each other while Isaac gave them all a pointed stare. Either they were all trying to figure out who the culprit was or they were excellent actors. Isaac didn’t bother saying anything else about the topic, hoping what he said would lead to the shirt being put back once they all left and they’d never have to talk about it again.
“Right, let’s get out of here, yeah?”
It was late by the time he got home but Isaac managed to make himself a small meal and checked his phone just to see if he’d gotten any reply from Dani but he was only met with a few texts from Colin which he’d answer later.
It wasn’t until he was in bed finally getting some sleep that he was woken up by the sound of his phone and he immediately started to panic when he saw Sam’s name flashing on the screen. Putting the device to his ear, Isaac could hear a commotion in the background, Sam paying no attention to Isaac on the line and instead was pleading with someone.
“Captain? It is Dani, I think you need to come over here.”
As soon as those words came from Sam, Isaac was up, throwing on some clothes and a pair of trainers before the phone call even ended. He wasn’t sure what was going on but he’d only heard Sam sound like that twice in the few years that he’d known him. Once was when he lead the boycott against their former sponsor Dubai Air and the second was when Jamie got hit by the car so he knew whatever was happening with Dani had was serious which lead him to ending the call and pulling up his own contact list, finding who he was looking for and pressing the call button. He had thought about calling Ted but really he didn’t think the manager was going to be much use in this situation, the same with Beard so he went with what his gut was telling him even.
“Roy? Somethings going on with Dani, Sam’s there now but I think we need some back up.”