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The moment the time changes from 10:59 PM to 11:00 PM, a party of four with whom I am sure you are already quite well-acquainted loads in and immediately opens up the 4.6 Phase 1 Wish Screen.
“Okay,” Alhaitham says, clasping his hands together and drawing everyone’s attention. “We’re at 52 pity, and we have 190 pulls saved. That is definitely going to be enough to get Arlecchino, and hopefully we can also get her weapon, if we’re lucky.”
Yelan nods before drawing a deep breath. “The entirety of the Fontaine patches we’ve been through have been leading up to this very moment. We must make it worth our while.”
“That’s why we came to the place where Arlecchino nuked the previous Knave,” Ei adds. “Lucky wishing spots, and all.”
Zhongli murmurs in agreement. “Though, it is now up to the gacha gods to decide our fate. May the odds be ever in our favor.”
And with that, Alhaitham clicks the Wish x10 button and watches a stream of countless stars fall from the sky, the largest one turning purple.
Yelan groans. “62 pity, now, right?”
“Yep,” Alhaitham says, clicking through the results of the pull. “We only got a Lynette, and we don’t even use her.”
“It’s still one of Arlecchino’s children, though,” Ei points out. “Maybe that’s a good sign.”
“I’ll take it,” Yelan says, shrugging as she hits the Wish x10 button a second time. This time, the star turns gold and Ei falls to her knees praying for the gacha gods to let them win their 50/50.
Zhongli clicks through the yield. Mona’s splash art pops onto the screen, and everyone immediately lets out a string of curses in their respective tongues.
“That’s C4 now,” Yelan groans. “We don’t even use her.”
“Maybe we’ll get Arlecchino early this time?” Zhongli suggests before backtracking. “Never mind,” he says. “That’s not gonna happen.”
Sure enough, their next several ten-pulls yield absolutely nothing save for several copies of Freminet, Lynette, and Xiangling—who they already have C6—and a handful of Barbaras, for some reason. Who is also already C6.
“Oh my gods,” Ei groans. “Why is she playing so hard to get?”
“Aren’t you a god?” Alhaitham asks, raising an eyebrow as Yelan and Zhongli continue pulling and swearing in the background.
“I’m not a gacha god,” Ei clarifies. “They have far more power than any Archon, or even a Dragon Sovereign, for that matter. Hell, they probably have more power than the Heavenly Principles themselves.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it,” Alhaitham agrees.
“We got her,” Yelan interrupts, pointing to the screen displaying Arlecchino’s elaborate splash art. “At 78 pity, because this game hates us.”
Zhongli shrugs. “At least we got her. Weapon banner?”
Alhaitham clicks over to the weapon banner and charts a course for Crimson Moon’s Semblance. “We’ve been decently lucky on the weapon banner the last and only two times we’ve pulled,” he says. “Hopefully that’ll hold up.”
“We’re at 6 pity on here, I think,” Yelan says before spamming the Wish x10 button.
“Why is there a chainsaw?” Ei asks.
“We should give it to Diluc,” Zhongli says. “Imagine him swinging a giant-ass chainsaw around.”
A rare smile flashes across Alhaitham’s face—a product of the mental image Zhongli had created.
“It’s gold,” Yelan announces. “60-something pity.”
The group watches with bated breath as Yelan clicks through the pull yield…
“What the fuck?”
“We don’t even use catalyst characters!”
“What the hell are we supposed to do with this piece of trash?”
Alhaitham rolls his eyes. “Why. Why the goddamn Skyward book. It’s so fucking useless.”
Zhongli sighs. “Okay, well, we’ve committed now. Shall we keep going?”
Yelan shrugs. “I mean, ninety percent of gamblers quit before they win big. Plus we have the Fate Point. Or one, anyway.”
“I’m pretty sure that statistic isn’t accurate,” Ei points out.
“Can you prove it?”
“…No.”
“Exactly.”
Yelan then proceeds to start spamming the ten-pull button again until about 30 or 40 pulls in when it turns gold again.
“I swear to god,” Alhaitham mutters, “if it’s the goddamn Lyney bow I’m going to—”
It’s the Lyney bow. Yelan picks it up and throws it on the ground, despite being an archer and therefore knowing how valuable a brand-new bow is.
“What are we even gonna do with this? The passive is useless!”
“It’s got crit damage,” Zhongli says. “Put it on Fischl.”
Ei sighs. “Fine. Can we go to the Starglitter shop and buy more pulls?”
Zhongli nods. “Okay, we’re supposed to save these for Kaeya—”
“Clorinde’s banner will be sometime in June, and that’s when Kaeya cycles into the shop,” Alhaitham reminds him.
“Right. Fair enough.” Zhongli drags the slider and converts their Starglitter to some more wishes and starts pulling on the weapon banner again.
“At least we’ve got the Fate Points maxed,” Ei says.
“Yeah, but we can’t stop pulling now because we’re way too far gone,” Alhaitham says. “Sunk cost fallacy, you know?”
“Guys, we got absolutely nothing from that,” Zhongli says. “Just more chainsaws that we aren’t gonna use.”
“Oh, yay, more chainsaws,” Yelan exclaims sarcastically.
Alhaitham sighs. “I mean…there’s a new region to explore…we can farm…”
“I sense a ‘but’ coming,” Yelan interjects. “Where is it?”
“…But we might not be able to get Clorinde.”
Everyone curses.
“She’s literally the only missing member on our Arlecchino team!” Ei exclaims. “And we’ve been wanting her literally since the 3.8 trailer!”
“Yeah, but we also are super obsessed with Arlecchino at the moment,” Alhaitham points out. “And since she’s gonna be a main DPS on her team, she needs to have a five-star weapon and her signature far outperforms all other options.”
“But…Clorinde…”
Yelan sighs heavily before teleporting the group to the new area that has now filled out the ditto-shaped hole in the map.
Ei sheds a silent tear as the full realization of what is going to be taking place hits her. “Well, shit,” she says, “here we go again.”