Chapter Text
Seiji’s eyes opened, and he was awake.
The room had darkened since he’d fallen asleep, yolky orange light and crayon-purple shadows in the falling dusk.
“Did it work?” Nicholas asked.
Seiji knew without needing to touch: “No.”
“Hmm.” Nicholas was cross-legged on his own bed, facing Seiji.
“Were you watching me sleep?”
“Kind of,” Nicholas shrugged, not sounding guilty. “I wanted to see if I could tell if it, you know. Grew back.”
“Well, it didn’t, so you just wasted –” Seiji picked up his phone to check the time, but the symbols on the screen still didn’t make any sense. He’d forgotten to get it fixed. He rubbed his eyes, psychedelia and melting tie-dye behind his lids, before glancing out the window at the fading twilight “-however long staring at me.”
Nicholas looked down at his hands in his lap and didn’t respond.
Seiji began the process of getting out of bed, first stretching out, cracking his joints under the covers. He swept off his blankets and stood, bending to touch his toes, palms to the floor, before lifting up, arms overhead, stretching back. He grunted as his spine cracked. If his phone still wasn’t working, he should message his parents from his laptop to let them know, before they started to worry. His gaze snagged on Nicholas, who was staring at him again.
“What?” Seiji asked tersely, lowering his arms.
“Can I see it?”
See what? Seiji thought, but knew the answer. Then, that’s rude, but the look on Nicholas’s face wasn’t. Nicholas looked curious and honest.
He felt safe…
“You want to ‘see’ it?”
Nicholas barely moved his face at all, but Seiji could hear him saying yes. Nicholas was looking at Seiji with wide eyes, bright and glittering in the strange light.
Seiji knew he was blushing, but timidity was at war with desire to share this experience with someone he could trust – with Nicholas specifically – and desire was winning.
“Are you sure?”
Seiji watched Nicholas’s Adam's apple dip as he swallowed. His voice was low when he responded, “Mmhm. Very sure.”
Seiji felt himself at a forked path.
Seiji held Nicholas’s eye contact as he crossed his arms and removed his shirt from the hem. Nicholas broke away first, gaze immediately falling to Seiji’s chest. Dark brown areolas, Seiji’s nipples, small and raised. He was quite flat, but he worked on building upper-body muscle, and knew there were visible striations at the center of his chest and at his capped shoulders, for which he'd fought tirelessly at the gym.
Seiji felt himself step beyond the possibility of return. He removed his boxer briefs and socks in the center of the room.
Nicholas looked down at it, and Seiji’s gaze followed. Seiji reminded himself that there was nothing wrong with it. It was altogether less…meat…than a dick and balls. But it was okay. There was a scarce spread of incredibly fine, black hair starting under Seiji’s ribcage, dusting his entire stomach, that continued beneath his navel and ran down his flat lower abdomen, before filling out to cover the swell of his pelvis in pubic hair.
Standing like this, there wasn’t much to see.
When Seiji looked up, the intensity of Nicholas’s stare startled him. In Nicholas’s eyes, Seiji could see the question he wasn’t asking, because he didn’t know if he was allowed.
Seiji tilted up his chin. You really want to see it?
Nicholas blinked back, and his lips parted. Of course he did.
Seiji answered Nicholas by sitting down next to him on his bed, and scooting back until his back was at the headboard. Seiji bent his legs, knees pointed up, and shifted his feet apart, the body-warmed blankets caressing his bare soles. He held himself open for Nicholas with his fingers, exposing the pussy in full.
“Holy shit,” Nicholas breathed.
“I know. Have you seen one before?”
“Not in real life.”
Seiji tamped down his quiet thrill at that response. “There it is.” Seiji looked down at the display, but the angle wasn’t as good as being in front of the mirror. He slouched down a bit, presenting it. “How does it compare to diagrams?”
Nicholas snorted, still staring at it as if enthralled. “I meant porn.”
“Ah, of course. Well?”
Nicholas exhaled. “You’re so… pink.” He bent in closer to get a better look. Seiji almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. They hadn’t even kissed, and here he was, with Nicholas’s face –
“Can I – ?” Nicholas cut himself off with a shake of his head.
“You want to touch it.” Seiji meant to pose a question, but it didn’t sound like one at all. It sounded like a provocation, because it was. It sounded like a come on. Like, I already know you want to, and we both already know I want it .
“Yeah,” Nicholas admitted. He released a sheepish breath. “Sorry.”
“You can.”
“Really?” Nicholas straightened up, looking surprised.
“Might as well,” Seiji dipped a shoulder, more nonchalant than he felt. “Who knows how long I’ll have it.”
“True.” Nicholas nodded. “Okay. Maybe lie down?”
Seiji resituated himself on the bed, resting the back of his head on Nicholas’s pillow. The subtle aroma of Nicholas’s skin, the clean aquatic florals of his shampoo. Seiji bent his knees, his heels touching the tips of his fingers where they lay by his hips.
Nicholas knelt between Seiji’s open thighs on the bed.
“Wait,” Seiji said, and Nicholas immediately froze where he was. “Why am I the only one naked?”
“Oh,” Nicholas smiled, a cheek dimpling. “Really?”
“It’s only fair that I should get something to look at too,” Seiji reasoned. He tried not to show that the request made him feel as vulnerable as it did. Absurd given the circumstance.
“Yeah, okay.” Nicholas grinned wider as he threw off his tank top and shorts. They came off remarkably easy.
Seiji drank Nicholas in. He had seen Nicholas naked before – they shared a room, and Nicholas wasn’t modest about his body – but his nakedness was charged and overwhelming in this new context. So much of their relationship up to this moment could be interpreted as a chaste friendship, built on mutual interest and admiration. Seiji frequently lay awake wondering if that’s all Nicholas wanted it to be. But this situation was impossible to examine with any other lens: we’re naked in your bed together, and you want to touch my pussy. Seiji swallowed.
Nicholas’s dick was mostly soft, but not entirely, a gentle curve fattening near the base. His dick swayed with his balls, long and heavy between his legs, as he kneeled back up the bed towards Seiji where he lay. He ran his hands up and down Seiji’s calves as he settled, caressing motions through the fine hair, once, twice, before shifting so that he was braced on his knees over Seiji on the bed, his right hand poised above Seiji’s shoulder.
Seiji became sharply aware of how sexy Nicholas was. It was unreal to be lying under him, allowed to linger over his firm, elegant shoulders, his wide chest, his narrow waist. Strands of light brown hair encircled his nipples, covered his chest, tapering off at his stomach before reemerging beneath his navel, full and bushy around his thick cock. Seiji felt something inside himself unlocking, now freely able to indulge in the feelings he had for Nicholas like this.
“Wow,” Nicholas grinned down at him. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Seiji whispered back.
“So, can I touch you now?” Nicholas was still grinning.
“You may,” Seiji answered.
Nicholas’s left hand reached down, and he stroked the whole thing with his palm like he was petting a guinea pig.
Seiji bit his bottom lip to trap a smile. Nicholas continued petting it. It was nice. It made Seiji feel warm and excited to be the subject of Nicholas’s attention, but –
“It feels good when you – here ,” Seiji reached down, taking Nicholas’s hand in his own, and pushed Nicholas’s fingers against the hood of his clit. He pressed down and up, exposing the nub of his clit to Nicholas fingertips. “Pressure there.”
“Got it,” Nicholas nodded.
Nicholas rubbed it with his index and middle fingers, and Seiji exhaled as sensation poured through his body. Liquid heat where Nicholas was touching him that oozed outward through his veins like tar. Nicholas was looking down at him, nostrils flared, captivated. This already felt so different from Seiji’s expedition in the shower. Nicholas took his fingers away for a moment, brought them up to his mouth, hollowed his cheeks, and sucked.
Oh my god.
After a moment, Nicholas brought them back to Seiji’s clit and continued rubbing, now glossy with his saliva.
“Fuck,” Seiji whispered, eyes closed, head pushing back against the pillow as Nicholas stroked. He pressed up on his heels, grinding on Nicholas’s hand. “Yeah. Good, Nicholas. Like that.”
“What does it feel like? Compared…” he trailed off.
Seiji blinked up at him. “Compared to having a cock?”
“Sure.”
Seiji thought about it and realized he couldn’t draw the comparison. The information simply wasn’t there anymore. It felt good. A swollen heat between his thighs that grew, moistened as Nicholas pressed. Pulsing desire, slippery sensitivity, tension building somewhere very deep that he felt all the way up his chest, the back of his neck, along his hairline.
Seiji could smell himself, his arousal like an oceanic fog over the room, and he knew Nicholas must be able to smell it too. Lush and blooming, milky and humid. The fragrance was somehow familiar, somehow unmistakably Seiji, as if Seiji had always known what this pussy smelled like. Seiji might have felt shy about it, but found he didn’t care. He was emptying his mind and enjoying himself. Just him, and Nicholas, and Nicholas’s fingers.
He didn’t know where to begin describing what it felt like.
“It feels good,” he sighed. “You’re doing good.”
“Yeah. You’re really wet,” Nicholas observed. He’d been focused on applying pressure to the clit, as he’d been told, but now he was exploring. He dragged over the slick opening, collecting excess on his fingertips.
“Well. You’re giving it all that attention.”
“This is for me?”
Ridiculous thing to say. “Do you see anyone else here?” It was difficult to concentrate on conversation with Nicholas looking at him so openly awed. Nicholas’s fingers were petting the pink inner folds so gently.
“Maybe you were having a really nice dream,” Nicholas reasoned. He looked down at it and continued to stroke, just the tips of his fingers outlining the wet edges of his entrance, over and over. So careful. “These are pretty.”
Just do it, Seiji was impatient. This manifested as a frustrated grunt, and Nicholas looked up at the sound. He made a quick, barely perceptible smirk at whatever expression was on Seiji’s face.
“Nicholas, just – oh, god, fuck. ”
Seiji didn’t have to finish the sentence. Nicholas slipped in his middle finger, and Seiji gasped, surprised, fists clenching in the blankets by his hips.
Sound fell from him, unbidden. Seiji lifted his head off the pillow to get a better look at Nicholas’s finger disappearing into his pussy. It was mind-shattering to see Nicholas inside of him, to feel him so deeply.
“Seiji, you’re so wet.”
Seiji felt himself get wetter, a gush of invitation as Nicholas fingered his hole and slid over his erect clit with the pad of his thumb. He could hear how wet he was, as Nicholas fingered him, arousal dripping from his hole, sloppy onto the blankets beneath them. Nicholas pressed a second finger alongside his first, and Seiji shivered at the stretch, groaning.
“Yeah,” Seiji’s head fell back on the pillow with a thud. “God, Nicholas. That’s good.”
“I can tell,” Nicholas replied. “You look so hot like this. I can’t believe we’re actually doing this.”
Seiji felt a rush of pride, but he couldn’t respond. Every difference between Seiji touching himself and Nicholas touching him was revolutionary – the length of Nicholas’s fingers, their texture, combined girth; the concentration on Nicholas’s face as he did it; how much Seiji wanted Nicholas to fuck him and how long he had wanted it. Nicholas’s dick was hard, the flushed pink head emerging past his foreskin, begging to be touched. But Nicholas’s focus was a spotlight on Seiji, and so Seiji basked in it, awash.
He gripped the forearm of Nicholas’s hand that was fingering him and held on, encouraging. “Just like that, keep going, please, don’t stop.”
“Can I lick you while I…?”
“Fuck,” Seiji panted, eyes wide. “You want to eat me out?”
“You have no idea,” sunlight fell over Nicholas’s face as he nodded. “Let me put my mouth on you, Seiji.”
“Yeah,” Seiji whispered back. “Okay.”
Nicholas lowered himself between Seiji’s thighs, keeping his hand in place. He wasn’t fucking in and out with it so much as caressing now, curling his fingers, steady and rhythmic. Seiji watched Nicholas situate himself. Long strands of brown hair from the crown of his head fell in vibrant golden hues in the light, tickling Seiji’s abdomen.
Nicholas brought his face between Seiji’s legs, nose pushed against his pubic hair. He took a deep inhale, moving his head side to side, rubbing himself in it. He breathed out, and Seiji sighed at the feeling of Nicholas’s hot breath on his pussy. Then Nicholas gently stroked his tongue over him, from where Nicholas’s fingers were inside of his hole, up to Seiji’s clit, slowly, committing the taste to memory.
Seiji gasped, shocked despite the build-up, and reflexively shut his thighs around Nicholas’s head. He felt Nicholas huff a small laugh against his pussy.
“Sorry,” Seiji said, slackening the tension in his legs.
“I think you have to keep these open,” Nicholas said, smiling up at him. Seiji could feel his warm breath as he spoke.
“Yeah, sorry,” Seiji repeated, overwhelmed. “No one’s ever really – I’ve never –”
“Well, yeah. Can I keep going?”
Seiji nodded. “Definitely keep going.”
Nicholas removed his fingers from Seiji’s pussy and hooked both arms beneath Seiji’s hips, holding onto him by the inner thighs to keep Seiji in place against his mouth. Seiji felt the moisture of Nicholas’s hand on his skin.
“I think it’ll be easier like this for now,” Nicholas explained, lowering his head. “Let me know what you like.”
Nicholas licked him again, another broad stripe of his tongue from Seiji’s hole all the way up to his clit. Seiji groaned, his eyes slamming shut, hair damp on the pillow as he arched his neck. He had the sheets of the bed clenched in his fists, tension tight in his arms, but he kept his thighs obediently open. Nicholas responded by kissing Seiji softly on his swollen clit.
“Fuck,” Seiji yelped. He blindly reached a hand to grip Nicholas’s hair, twisting the longest strands in his fingers. He felt Nicholas kissing him again, and again, slow and soft, massaging his pussy with his lips and tongue. Another lick against his clit that felt more thorough, heavy and purposeful, and then Nicholas began to lightly suck it.
Seiji couldn’t control his response. As Nicholas alternated licking and sucking with the tip of his tongue, Seiji’s body reacted outside of his ability to bring to heel. He writhed and squirmed, gasping, eventually bucking his hips hard enough into Nicholas’s mouth that Nicholas pulled away, his hair still tangled in Seiji’s fingers.
“Am I doing it right?” Nicholas asked.
“Fuck,” Seiji was breathless. “Yes. It’s really intense.” His whole body was on fire. He was sweating, his pussy wet, more turned on than he could ever remember being in his life.
“Okay. I’m going back in.”
“Ha,” Seiji responded. Nicholas licked him again, lower this time, lapping at where Seiji was leaking from his hole.
“You’re so wet,” Nicholas repeated, seemingly endlessly fascinated by this. He sipped. A satisfied hmmm.
Seiji heard himself whimpering, the fingers of both of his hands now pawing helplessly at Nicholas’s hair and shoulders, but he didn’t want this to end. “Don’t stop, don’t stop,” he begged, a low murmur under his breath.
Nicholas didn’t stop, not even long enough to promise that he wouldn’t. He hummed against Seiji’s pussy like he was savoring the taste of it. Seiji felt how diligent Nicholas was being about collecting everything that dripped out of Seiji into his mouth. His tongue licked deep inside of him, sucked softly at his skin beneath his hole, quiet slurps, his nose bumping Seiji’s clit, sniffling, pausing to catch his breath, before going in again, licking Seiji’s innermost places, lapping up and swallowing whatever Seiji gave him.
“You do like this, right?” Nicholas murmured, looking up from where he was between Seiji’s legs.
Seiji nodded, eyelids fluttering as Nicholas tapped his clit with his warm, wet tongue, teasing first, then pushing, adamant, still watching him, waiting for a verbal confirmation. There was something magical about seeing Nicholas like that, his mouth open, tongue out, eyes hungry and focused, completely submitted to the act of giving pleasure –
“I do. Keep going.” Seiji whispered.
Seiji did like this. At times, Seiji’s body felt like a sentencing, his only and imperfect home, that he had no option but to inhabit, refine, and sharpen to the extent that he could. But Seiji liked his pleasures, liked even more being able to indulge in them fully and easily. Sharing them with Nicholas was new and, so far, rewarding. Seiji curled his fingers in the silky hair at Nicholas’s crown and thrust his hips, bucking up towards Nicholas’s mouth. He’d try to get as much of what he wanted while he could.
Nicholas obliged, working a finger back into Seiji’s hole as he curled his tongue around Seiji’s clit. Then another finger, Seiji’s pussy pliant and giving as it stretched, and then another, spreading Seiji wide open as Nicholas licked inside. “Oh, fuck. That’s — ah. Ah, Ni– Nicholas — fuck, please.”
Nicholas drew sounds out of Seiji with his tongue, with his fingers, that Seiji hadn’t known he could make. Nicholas sucked Seiji’s throbbing clit with his soft mouth, swirling his tongue over it, bathing it in wet heat, velvety suction. Seiji shuddered. A muscle in his thigh twitched and jerked erratically. He felt swollen and hard, like every cell of his body, every inch of him was overheating, pressurizing, begging to explode.
Before Seiji could give any warning, before Seiji even understood what was happening, a tremor shot through his body. Seiji’s back arched, all the muscles in his abdomen tensing, and he convulsed. “Nicholas, fuck. I’m - oh.”
An orgasm like every pink sunset Seiji had ever seen, every orange cloud. Endless twilight, scattered sunbeams, windows sparkling like the whole world was a gem room. Dusky pink quartz and golden topaz, oily opals, iridescent and seductive; everything glittered, Seiji was radiant, his clit throbbing on Nicholas’s tongue, his hole tight around Nicholas’s fingers as he came, made for this.
Seiji muscles trembled with adrenaline, his chest heaving. A rumbling aftershock shot through his legs, and his feet flexed involuntarily, toes spread.
“Did you come?” Nicholas asked, nonsensically, voice rough and hot on Seiji’s pussy. He wiped his mouth on the inside of Seiji’s leg, moisture sticking to the dark hairs of his inner thigh.
“Yes,” Seiji answered, still dazed. His fingers were curled in Nicholas’s hair. “That was...unbelievable. You’re good at that.”
Nicholas smiled proudly from between Seiji’s thighs. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
Seiji tugged on the back Nicholas’s hair, wanting clarification. “Tell me. How long?”
“Seiji, like, this whole time. I’ve wanted you .”
Now that Nicholas had stopped mouthing at him, Seiji noticed what a mess they both were. Seiji couldn’t see himself, but he felt Nicholas’s saliva and his own fluids leaking from his hole, spread open on Nicholas’s fingers in front of Nicholas’s flushed face. A trail of liquid down the crack of Seiji’s ass, trickling wetly over his asshole. Nicholas’s face was cataclysmic. Gorgeous, shiny with spit, clear mucusy fluids from Seiji all over his mouth, his nose, trailing from the corners of his lips, coating his chin. Like he’d just done a pie eating contest with pussies.
Seiji let go of Nicholas’s hair and propped himself up on his elbows. Nicholas unhooked his arm from Seiji’s hips and removed his fingers from his pussy, slowly. Seiji winced at the loss. They looked at each other, pink-faced, and caught their breath.
“Should have said something,” Seiji finally responded, faintly.
“I wanted to. If I had known that - ” Nicholas shook his head. The shaved fuzz of his hair was calming input against Seiji’s thigh. “If I had known that you...” Nicholas seemed to be struggling to find the words for any of this, too.
“Put out?” Seiji supplied, wryly as his voice allowed. It sounded strained.
“No, I just,” Nicholas shut his eyes and inhaled deeply before opening them again. “I guess, if I knew you would like doing this with me so much, I would have gone for it sooner.”
Seiji exhaled shakily. He felt a bead sweat drip down from his sideburn to his jaw.
“Try not to give yourself too much credit for patience. You barely made it a few hours.”
“Heh,” Nicholas bowed and sucked roughly on the tender skin of Seiji’s inner thigh. It was exciting, and it hurt. The contrasting sensations of Nicholas’s bruising teeth and lavishing tongue sent sparks of interest straight to Seiji’s pussy. Seiji wriggled, his hands twisted tightly in Nicholas’s hair, pulling him away.
“You should fuck it,” Seiji announced. His thigh was already flowering purple and red where Nicholas bit.
Nicholas moaned at the suggestion, head tilted back in Seiji’s hands.
“Do you want to?” Seiji asked.
“Seiji.” Nicholas looked faded, addicted to Seiji’s body, his mouth hanging open, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You would let me fuck you?”
“Please,” Seiji nodded, pressing up his hips in invitation.
Nicholas licked his lips, still tasting Seiji around his mouth. He swallowed. “Are you sure?”
“Yes Nicholas,” Seiji urged, desperate now, whining. “Please, please fuck me. I want to come on your dick.”
“God. Fuck, Seiji. You think you can come again?”
Seiji shook his head. Rather than feeling spent by orgasm, he felt activated by it, primed for more. “No,” he said, “I know that I can. Fuck me.”
Nicholas sprang into action like a dog hearing the food bag. They both moved feverishly, rearranged on the bed, hip to hip, stomach to stomach, Seiji's legs bent and splayed open. Nicholas’s dick was a hard, heavy weight on Seiji’s stomach. Nicholas had both hands holding the sides of Seiji’s face, thumbs at each corner of his lips, their faces closer than they’d ever been. Seiji tilted his head to one side and sucked Nicholas’s thumb into his mouth, swishing his tongue around the tip, eyes wide on Nicholas’s face, watching his response.
“You’re so hot, Seiji,” Nicholas growled quietly, eyes dark. He punctuated the sentence with a thrust of his hips, and Seiji felt a bead of pre-cum from the tip of Nicholas’s cock leak onto his abdomen. He’s been so turned on through all of this, and he hasn’t touched himself yet?
“Kiss me,” Seiji whispered around Nicholas’s thumb, his nail clicking on Seiji’s front teeth.
Nicholas pressed his mouth against Seiji’s, gently first, his lips plush and wet from eating pussy.
“You taste like it,” Seiji said.
“Like you,” Nicholas’s lips were slick as they moved with each word over Seiji’s. “I taste like you, Seiji.”
Seiji became aware of something that fizzled and buzzed at the edge of his consciousness, like a fly frantically tapping against a shut window, but he couldn’t quite –
Nicholas kissed him again, his tongue wet, thick, and insistent as it pressed into Seiji’s mouth. Seiji opened himself up wide and stopped thinking. His arms fell back, hands on the pillow above his head. Arousal and electricity hummed through his body like a purr.
Then Nicholas was feeding his fingers into Seiji’s mouth, alongside his tongue – fingers that had been inside Seiji – holding Seiji’s mouth open as he licked into him, fucking Seiji’s mouth with them. Seiji moaned around Nicholas’s hand, tasting himself. His hips rocked up, grinding on Nicholas’s cock, hard and insistent. A trail of saliva dripped from Seiji’s open mouth as Nicholas kissed him again, tickling the side of his chin, his neck. Nicholas licked around his mouth, over Seiji’s lips, then his cheeks, his mole, his eyelids. Everything tasted like Seiji smelled. Salty, gushing, begging for it.
Nicholas wiped his wet fingers through Seiji’s hair, before gripping the sweat-damp strands at Seiji’s scalp and repositioning himself. Nicholas’s hips shifted, his cock aligned at Seiji’s entrance with his right hand. Seiji wrapped his thighs around Nicholas, hooking his ankles behind his back.
“Do it,” he pleaded.
He’d barely gotten the words out before Nicholas pressed in, consuming and in entirety. “Oh fuck, Nicholas,” Seiji felt like he was choking on air, the girth of Nicholas’s cock driving the breath from his lungs. “You’re big - oh fuck.” Seiji cried out, reflexively, eyes rolling back as Nicholas’s cock touched something deep inside of him that had never been touched before.
“Listen to you,” Nicholas said. “Holy shit. Make that sound again.”
Nicholas drove his hips back - Seiji felt his insides shift and rearrange around his cock as it moved - before slamming back into Seiji’s pussy. Seiji didn’t know what sounds he was making over the roar of his heartbeat as Nicholas filled him, but he heard Nicholas murmur, “Yeah, just like that,” into his ear.
Nicholas pushed up, pressing Seiji’s wrists down to the mattress. Nicholas held them in place above Seiji’s head, laying Seiji open as Nicholas fucked him, grunting with each shallow, powerful thrust. Nicholas’s hair was a mess from Seiji manhandling it, twisted and poking up at odd new angles in some places, plastered to his forehead with sweat in others. The muscles in his chest, shoulders, and stomach flexed as he held Seiji down. He was the hottest person Seiji had ever seen.
“God, yes,” Seiji moaned. “Give it to me. Fuck me.”
“Seiji, how are you so fucking tight,“ Nicholas cursed in disbelief.
Time stopped existing as Seiji knew it. Wet sounds of their bodies expressing pleasure in each other filled the room. Nicholas bent to lick Seiji’s jaw, suck on his neck, nibble his earlobe. Eventually Nicholas released Seiji’s wrists to run his hands through Seiji’s hair, squeeze his hips, stroke the sides of his waist up to the sweaty hair at his armpits, touching as much of Seiji as he could, as if unsure he’d have the chance to touch him again. Nicholas kissed him again, his saliva warm in Seiji’s mouth, his cock driving into Seiji’s pussy, sure and deep, and Seiji felt pure oblivion, pure clarity as he kissed back. Nicholas’s cock in Seiji’s hole, monumental, curving up and dragging over parts of Seiji that had Seiji’s vision whiting out, a kaleidoscopic burst of color and light.
Nicholas reached down between them, fingertips circling Seiji’s clit, and it was perfect. “Oh, Nicholas -”
Seiji was coming again. His thighs shook as they tightened around Nicholas’s waist and held him close, pulled him in, his pussy clenched around Nicholas’s cock. He came, wordless and desperate, his body begging in a language Seiji couldn’t articulate. The full force of his orgasm crashed down on him, and Seiji shuddered on Nicholas’s cock, crying out, unrestrained in his pleasure as he took it.
“Fuck, fuck, ah,” Nicholas was gasping, “Seiji - you’re so - your pussy, my god.”
He likes it . Another heave of orgasm crested like a wave.
He likes me.
Seiji’s fingernails dug into Nicholas's back, grounding himself in the security of Nicholas’s solid body as he trembled in the aftermath. He panted against Nicholas’s face, forehead to forehead, breaths mingling. Nicholas kissed him softly. Seiji finally loosened his grip, and Nicholas pulled back.
They blinked at each other, and Nicholas’s long eyelashes fluttered. Nicholas was glimmering with sweat and effort as he held himself still.
“Wow,” Nicholas breathed.
“Yeah,” Seiji agreed.
“Did you come?” Nicholas smirked, clearly joking this time.
Seiji tilted up his hips and tightened the muscles of his pelvis, squeezing around Nicholas’s cock.
“Fuck, oh my god, ” Nicholas wheezed, shutting his eyes. He shoved his hips into Seiji, their bodies completely interlocked, but Nicholas was already as deep inside Seiji as he could possibly be. “I’m too close,” Nicholas sounded apologetic.
Seiji nodded and stroked Nicholas’s cheek. “Good. I want to watch you.”
“I don’t want this to be over.” Nicholas said, his cock sheathed inside, magnificent and stiff. Seiji thought he could feel its pulse. “But you’re so hot.”
“We can do it again.”
“Can we?”
“Yes, we can,” Seiji promised, breathless. “As many times as you want. What else do you want to do?”
Nicholas made a low sound from the back of his throat. “Everything,” he answered. He thrust, shallowly, to emphasize each declaration: “I wanna fuck you from behind. I want you to fuck me. I wanna fuck your ass. Have you sit on my face, ride me, come on my mouth. Not let you go until I’m done with you. Have your mouth on my dick. Sucking me, gagging on me.”
“I would,” Seiji responded matter-of-factly. “It’s very large.”
“I wanna do everything.”
“We can,” Seiji promised. “I want all that too.”
Nicholas kissed him again, light and sweet.
“Let go,” Seiji asked. “I want to watch you come.”
Nicholas thrust again, this time pumping his cock all the way in and out, allowing Seiji to feel its full, breathtaking size. Seiji panted, open-mouthed, as swollen, just-on-the-edge-of-too-much heat built in his pussy.
“Fuck, I’m so close.” Nicholas was increasing his pace, hips circling and shoving down into Seiji in a frantic rhythm. “Where do you want it?”
“Here,” Seiji said, and stuck out his tongue. His head was jostling on the pillow with each heavy fuck, warm friction at the back of his head as his hair mussed.
“Oh, yeah, fuck ,” Nicholas pulled out and kneeled up the bed, straddling Seiji’s chest. Seiji could smell himself on Nicholas’s cock, glistening wet. Seiji held his mouth open and waited as Nicholas stroked his cock, the flesh of his chest bouncing with the motion. Nicholas’s lips parted, eyes locked on Seiji’s tongue. “Seiji, fuck, I’m – fuck .”
Nicholas’s entire body tensed, muscles flexing, and he placed the head of his cock on the very tip of Seiji’s tongue. Seiji moaned as he held himself open for it and tasted himself on Nicholas, cradling his heavy dick in his mouth. Nicholas came like a pressure valve releasing. He shouted, hips shaking, cock jerking on Seiji’s tongue. Seiji closed his lips and turned his face away in surprise at the force of Nicholas’s ejaculation filling his mouth, shooting to the back of his throat. Seiji coughed as he swallowed, semen flooding his nose; sweet minerality, crisp salt. His eyes watered, overcome. Another pulse splattered over Seiji’s nose, his cheek, his eyelashes.
Two of Nicholas's fingers were on Seiji’s jaw, turning Seiji to face him, “Mouth.”
Seiji gasped as he opened up, still feeling come coating the roof of his mouth, his teeth. Nicholas tapped his cock on Seiji’s tongue, milking the last spurts of ejaculate out of his dick into Seiji's mouth, Nicholas’s face crumpled almost as if in pain at the intensity of it. Seiji swallowed again, come thickly coating his throat.
When Nicholas finished, he collapsed on top of Seiji, chest to chest. He buried his face into Seiji’s neck, and panted there, catching his breath. Nicholas’s heartbeat pounded against Seiji’s chest, and Seiji felt as its rapid thuds begin to steady. Nicholas’s cock was soaking wet, slowly softening and spent on Seiji’s thighs. Seiji lay beneath Nicholas, pleasantly smothered by his weight.
But Nicholas’s come was cooling on Seiji’s lips, his eye, under his nose, so Seiji wormed an arm out from under Nicholas and started wiping at his face, quite ineffectually. He licked his lips, which was slightly more effective. He would need to blow his nose at some point soon. Nicholas stirred.
Seiji felt Nicholas’s strong arms squirm beneath Seiji’s body, wrapping around between Seiji’s back and the mattress to pull him in closer, Nicholas burying his face deeper. What they had done was messy – pressed this close together, Seiji was hyperaware of every part of their bodies that had become sticky, hot, impolite – but here, beneath him, wrapped up in Nicholas’s arms like a bomb shelter, Seiji felt safe.
Suddenly,
a heartbeat, and
Everything shifts.
They are still in bed, but it’s Seiji’s bed, in his bedroom at his parents' house. The sun is brighter, burning clear, blue, morning light through the tall windows. The ambient sounds of the home are quieter than the creaking wood and drippy pipes of Castello.
Nicholas has rolled them over on their sides. Face to face on the pillow, noses not an inch apart.
Seiji’s pussy is pulsing and slick, still raw. His mouth tastes like Nicholas’s come. They’ve just fucked. This happened. Were we loud? Have my parents heard?
Nicholas is touching Seiji’s face, both palms on Seiji’s cheeks.
“I got your mole,” Nicholas’s smile is fond and silly as he swipes at Seiji’s mole with the pad of his thumb, smearing his come over Seiji’s cheekbone.
“Splendid aim,” Seiji teases, equally tender.
“You moved!” Nicholas accuses.
Seiji scoffs. “I wasn’t expecting a hose down.”
“Ha! Yeah, that was crazy. I’ve never jizzed that much in my life. I thought you were gonna crush my dick when you were coming on it.” Nicholas already sounds wistful.
“Mmm. I’m glad your dick survived. It’s quite a good one.”
Nicholas preens, looks outrageously pleased with himself. Seiji twists his feet around Nicholas’s ankles.
“I like your pussy,” Nicholas says after a moment, as though reaching a verdict.
“You do?” Seiji asks.
Nicholas nods, biting his lip. “Yeah, Seiji. I like everything about you.”
Nicholas leans in.
Seiji expects to be kissed on the mouth. Any concerns about his parents, already forgotten.
Seiji parts his lips.
On Seiji’s forehead, Nicholas kisses him affectionately, a gentle brush of his lips beneath where Seiji’s hair has fallen, sweaty, over his brow. Nicholas inhales, like he’s about to say something, but then he doesn’t.
Seiji can almost hear what the silence means, and maybe Nicholas knows that. When he pulls back, Nicholas’s cheeks are pink, with exertion or a newly remembered shyness that had previously been subdued by sex.
It means that something transpired here that felt goofy, warm, and painfully honest. It means that together, in the odd, shifting light, they shared something that they couldn’t unshare. Learned things about one another that they couldn’t unknow. Seiji burrows deeper into the security of Nicholas’s embrace, his face in his neck.
But Nicholas reaches down, and he tilts up Seiji’s chin with two curled fingers, so they once again face each other. Another press of Nicholas’s lips on Seiji’s wet cheek, so gentle that the air in Seiji’s throat is thick. I don’t want this to be over . The shocking tenderness of the moment feels insane, incongruous with the mess they just made –
Another kiss, right over the same spot, a kittenish lick as Nicholas tastes himself on Seiji’s face, and Seiji wants this so badly his eyes burn, his chest tightens. No. No, don’t fucking cry —
“Seiji,” Nicholas whispers against Seiji’s lips.
Another kiss, Nicholas’s lips pressing lightly over Seiji’s, his care and approval palpable, and Seiji feels joy. Then all-consuming desire, dirty longing, a wild desperation too vulnerable and too defenseless for Seiji to ever, waking, ever allow himself to —
oh.
Immediately, Seiji knows that this isn’t real.
The fantasy, or whatever this is, dissolves.
Seiji wakes, alone, still feeling Nicholas’s mouth. Nicholas’s fingertips at his cheek, thumb to jaw. Moisture between his own thighs.
***
Seiji’s bedroom is empty when his eyes open. Nicholas’s presence at the dorm is so undeniable it’s loud. Even with the curtain blocking Nicholas’s side of the room, he has his own thrumming frequency that touches everything when he’s there.
Here at Seiji’s parents’ house, his absence is an equally obvious vacuum of negative space.
Seiji is naked on his front, his blankets tangled around his legs, bunched up in between his thighs against his pussy like he was rubbing himself on them in his sleep. He allows for a brief moment of mortification before rolling over and reaching down.
He drags two fingertips through the creamy mess between his legs, heavy and slimy enough that it’s not unthinkable that he may have gotten a random period. He brings his fingertips back up to his face and they’re clear. He’s just very wet. The room smells entirely like Seiji, his arousal and sweat, his warm body.
He wipes his fingers on his sheets, which are already damp, clinging uncomfortably to his skin. Everything is slightly clammy, from his sweaty hair, to his neck, his chest, his underarms, and inner thighs.
Reaching over to his bedside table, he removes his phone from the charger.
It’s the morning after Thanksgiving. Aiden and Nicholas have both sent a flurry of texts that fill the screen when he taps on them. Seiji purses his lips to modulate the smile that threatens his face. He opens Aiden’s first, saving Nicholas’s.
Well, Aiden has sent him a series of gifs of cartoon feet accompanied by nonsense captions to mystify and torment him. A foot with eyes, a mouth, and four toes wiggles at him and says “happy toes-day”. It’s Friday. Seiji responds with a single 🆗 emoji that Aiden immediately ❤️’s.
Seiji rolls his eyes and then opens Nicholas’s messages. They unfurl across the screen, even more than initially previewed. After Seiji went to bed, Nicholas managed to send over a dozen.
In the middle of the array:
Nicholas: Sorry, ur probably sleeping now ill shut up
Several more texts follow that declaration. He has also sent photos. Most of them are of food, which Seiji passes over, skipping to one of Nicholas at a square dining table. He’s in his Kings Row hoodie and matching sweatpants, grinning over a plate filled with the tallest heap of mashed potatoes and gravy Seiji has ever seen. Nicholas’s friend, Sam, is sitting next to him, their dyed hair freshly touched-up at the roots. They’re holding up their fingers in bunny ears behind Nicholas’s head for the photo. From what Seiji can tell, it’s a small apartment; a door is open in the kitchen through which a bedroom is partially visible. The miscellaneous items on the floor leads Seiji to believe this is Nicholas’s, so he tries to zoom in, but it’s too pixelated.
Nicholas: Mom let us each have a glass of wine w dinner but sam didn’t like theirs so I secretly got two glasses 😏
Nicholas: but I didnt like it either… do u like wine???maybe its different if its not from a box???
That Nicholas likes him seems obvious. He seeks Seiji out, invades his space, watches him. Texts him like this. But Seiji doesn’t want to scare him away by misinterpreting what he means by all the attention, or how far he wants to take it. The stakes feel so stupidly high. He sets down his phone without responding and heads to his en suite.
Seiji takes a shower, his forearm braced on the cool marble tile, forehead resting against it. Water runs over him as he cups himself in his palm, the bullet vibrator a quiet hum over his clit. He pants, voiceless, any errant noises masked by the water and the bathroom fan. The direct, rumbling pressure of the vibrations, and the memory of the dream … for a moment, Seiji can trick himself into feeling Nicholas’s presence like he’s there. Seiji imagines they’re back at the dorm, in bed, that Nicholas is spooned behind him. That it’s Nicholas’s arm wrapped around him, his hand rubbing over Seiji’s dripping wet cunt with the toy. Maybe Nicholas would keep the vibrator there, pressed against his tender clit even after Seiji came, hold him tightly as Seiji weathered orgasm after orgasm in his arms, Nicholas’s fingers in Seiji’s mouth to keep him quiet. Fuck Seiji gasps. Too soon, Seiji is coming on his hand with a grunt, long fingers stiffening as orgasm overtakes him. He stifles it, biting his forearm as he rides it out, legs trembling, thighs weak.
He finishes his shower.
Seiji enters his bedroom, naked except for a towel draped over his shoulders, to his phone buzzing on the unmade bed. He’ll have to do laundry. The contact photo Seiji chose of Nicholas fills the phone screen. It’s a fencing team mirror selfie that Eugene had taken, with Nicholas grinning, pink-cheeked, open-mouthed and laughing. Seiji had cropped out everyone else, but half of his own face is still visible at Nicholas’s cheek, frowning and attempting an escape.
“Hello?” Seiji answers, confused. “You never call me.”
The pleasant sound of Nicholas giggling at him, fond. “Hi Seiji. We share a room. And you didn’t answer my texts. What’s up?”
“I was in the shower. I’m on my way to meet Coach Dmytro at the club to train.”
Nicholas is incredulous: “Over Thanksgiving break?”
Seiji sighs. “He does not celebrate Thanksgiving. And neither does anyone in other countries. I can’t fall behind.”
Nicholas makes a playful disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “But the potatoes…”
“Yes, you had a very robust serving in your photo.”
“You saw my potatoes, and you didn’t say anything?” Seiji knows him well enough to trust that he isn’t offended.
“Nicholas, I just woke up.”
“But it’s so late.”
Seiji sniffs, “It is barely eight o'clock.”
“Exactly!” Nicholas exclaims.
Seiji rolls his eyes. “It was, as you know, a federal holiday. I turned off my alarm.”
“Eat anything good?” Nicholas asks.
“To be honest, my family doesn’t celebrate either. But yes. My parents and I watched a documentary and got Vietnamese takeout.”
“Well, what did you get?”
Seiji wonders why Nicholas cares about the banalities of his day. But it feels good to be asked. “Grilled tofu banh mi and coconut water,” he answers.
“Did you take pictures?”
Seiji frowns. “Of the sandwich? No. Why would I do that?”
Nicholas laughs. “Just pictures of anything I guess. I’d like to see what you’re up to. Is that weird? It’s just that, I’m used to seeing you all the time at school, and now I’m like, hmm I wonder what’s Seiji doing when I’m not looking right at him.” He's rambling now, “Like, I always know what you’re eating, you know? And what you’re wearing, and when you go to bed.” Nicholas laughs at himself, and Seiji feels the ground slipping beneath his feet, as he gives in to treasuring this. “Sorry I’m probably bothering you,” Nicholas finishes.
“No, you don’t bother me,” Seiji assures. “I can take photos of my food for you, if you want, moving forward.”
Nicholas is quiet for a moment, just his breath as he inhales and exhales.
“Nicholas?” Seiji asks.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Sure,” Seiji answers, clenching and unclenching his fist.
“I, like, really miss you. Even though it’s only been a couple days.”
Seiji is quiet, and so is Nicholas. Seiji realizes he’s waiting for something that never arrives - no self-effacing apology, no correction or retraction. Nicholas’s admission just hangs there, unobstructed, perfect as is.
Seiji bites the inside of his cheek. “Nicholas. I miss you too.”
Another breath against the phone, Nicholas’s relief audible
“I had a dream about you,” Seiji offers.
“Really?” Delighted surprise brightens Nicholas’s voice. “I had a dream about you, too. But what was I doing in yours?”
You took me on a date you were supposed to go on with someone else and ate me out. “Listening to music,” Seiji shrugs. “Doing your homework.”
Nicholas hums, a note of disappointment. “That’s not very exciting.”
“I think it may be impolite to tell me that my dreams are mundane,” Seiji jokes, flatly. “What was I doing in yours?”
“Ah, we were on, like, a bus together. I’m starting to forget the details. I actually think you were annoyed with me.”
“You must have done something highly annoying,” now Seiji is flirting. “How unfortunate. I hope you found a way to make it up to me.”
Nicholas is quiet for a moment, just his breath, fuzzy over the line. He exhales. “Yeah, I tried.”
Seiji is so curious. But, “I really do have to get going now, okay? I’ll send photos to you.”
“Okay, awesome.”
Seiji doesn’t want to hang up. “Would you be free to come down here tomorrow? I can show you around my neighborhood.”
“Oh. You want me to come to you in Greenwich?”
“Yes, I would like that. Will you come? Do you want to?” Seiji can already feel himself losing his nerve but holds on, white-knuckled.
“Of course I want to.”
“Good,” Seiji says, a giddy drop in his stomach. “It’s a date.”
“Heh,” Nicholas lets out a little breath. “You mean, um. Like an appointment?
“No,” Seiji shakes his head. He’s facing himself in the full-body bedroom mirror. He’s naked, hair wet, skin flushed from a combination of recent orgasm, the hot shower, and this conversation. He feels vulnerable, and that vulnerability makes him feel daring. “I am asking you out. I am explicitly asking you to go on a date with me. Do you still want to?”
“Yes, I want to go on a date with you,” Nicholas says quickly. “Seiji, of course I do.”
Seiji watches satisfaction spread across his face in the mirror, his whole body slackening, almost as if in a small swoon. God. Get it together.
“Wait,” Nicholas continues. “Do you get to take credit for our first date date on a technicality? Because –”
“No,” Seiji cuts him off, body stiffening with the rush of competition. “You can’t retroactively call our appointment a date. You really should have considered that sooner. Now I’ve asked you out first, and I will always be the one who asked you out first.”
Nicholas is laughing, and Seiji grins helplessly, turning away from his reflection, which has become too pink for his own consumption.
“I guess I’ll just have to find something else to be first at with you.”
“Mm,” Seiji says, stifling his smile by running his teeth over his lower lip. His voice is hushed when he answers. “I trust that you’re up to the task.”
Nicholas breathes on the line before asking, “Do you really have to go soon?”
Seiji pulls his phone away from his ear to check the time and grimaces. “I have to go right now.” He walks to his dresser and pulls out a sports bra and underwear. “See you tomorrow? I’ll text you everything I eat before then.”
Nicholas groans, then is laughing to himself as they hang up, and he doesn't take anything back.
***
Seiji’s parents are both fawning over him, elated to have him in their sight after weeks away. His mother, in particular, seems physically incapable of detaching her hand from his hair, stroking it, murmuring about how beautiful he is, how he’s her perfect, beautiful, baby boy. You’re making him uncomfortable, his father says gently. No I’m not, she dismisses at the same time Seiji grumbles, it’s fine…
As planned, they all leave for Seiji’s practice early, piling into one of his father’s old cars, a sedan, which has been designated as Seiji’s training car. Seiji drives, his father humming approvingly from the passenger’s seat at a particularly deft merge. His mother is seated in the back, wearing a blue silk cross-body bag at her chest, two tiny enamel pride flags pinned to the strap above the buckle. It would all be rather embarrassing, if Seiji wasn’t so accustomed to their enthusiasm by now. Distressingly, the rear bumper of the car is wallpapered with Seiji’s middle school honor roll stickers.
They stop at a cafe and enjoy their coffee and pastries together at a picnic table in the park, down the road from the club. Seiji has chosen a cashew milk latte and a vanilla cream horn. Seiji holds the pastry in front of himself, shifts his body to catch it in the right light, no shadows, the sun falling ornamentally over the thick ooze of cream, spilling from the hole in the buttery pastry.
He takes a photo on his phone and sends it to Nicholas.
Seiji: Satisfied?
Nicholas’s response is immediate.
Nicholas: 😛
Seiji smiles and puts his phone in his coat pocket to focus on his treat.
The trees at the park are newly bare, their yellow leaves rotting fragrantly to brown in a carpet over ryegrass and wet earth. A cold wind carries a rousing, pungent current of briny sea air from the coast. Seiji takes a deep breath, loving the smell of it all. Like old life sighing, making its way for new growth. Still, the world is vibrant and alive. Seiji hears the two-tone triplet whistles of chickadees calling back and forth to one another. Three squirrels chase each other in erratic circles, kicking up plumes of dry leaves. A flame red northern cardinal perched on a branch above their table blares like a car alarm, until it is joined by a second, also brilliant red. They pass a sunflower seed back and forth, crunching it apart between their beaks, sharing.
Seiji’s father drapes an arm over him on the bench, pulling him into his side by the shoulder. With his other hand, he holds up a pain au chocolat to Seiji’s face. “Want one, kiddo?” he asks, with a gentle shake.
“Yes,” Seiji admits, taking it from him. His father’s arm remains on his shoulders, a heavy, grounding weight. Across the table, his mother is smiling up at the birds and takes a sip of her coffee.
A pastry in each hand, Seiji hardly believes his coach would approve of this as an appropriate pre-workout. But it’s a glowing fall day, and he has a date with Nicholas tomorrow, so he doesn’t care. He takes a big bite.