Chapter Text
Oxygen Deprivation / Bullied / Fainting
“Donnie.”
A weight leaves his chest. His stomach lurches, steering panic through his blood. He jolts forward, world blurring, and an arm catches around his shoulders. “Hey, hey, breathe.”
His eyes burn as he looks up, watering when he meets an emerald gaze.
“Raph.” He whines, migraine drilling in. He ignores it in favor of concentrating on the strong grip that holds him in place. It feels solid and present, not like a dream or a delusion might feel. He forces himself forward, pressing into his shoulder, establishing further connection. “R-raph. Raph.”
“That’s my name.” He grumbles, adjusting the hold so that his older brother can presses his beak against his head. Donnie can feel the rumble of his voice, and the light pressure of his nuzzle. He closes his eyes, calming the burn, an airy feeling in his brain.
He was upset. With Raph. Something was bad. Something was wrong-
“‘eft.” He whines, low. “Left me- you-”
“Can’t stand being cooped up.” Raph pulls away. “I always come back. You know that.”
Donnie’s terrified to hold him to that, even though he wants to.
“Hey, Donnie, wake up.”
He’d rather not. Being awake is hard.
“R-ph.” His tongue is lead. The fog is dense. “H’rts.”
“So I’ve heard.” He doesn’t realize his head is sagging until a hand is supporting it. “We’ll get you something for that. You wanna come with me?”
His eyes are still closed. He knows that because his world is dark even when he tries to look at his older brother. He’s so tired. “Wit’ you?”
“Yeah Don.” Donnie nuzzles against his hand, flooded with relief, “Everyone’s waiting.”
Everyone?
His eyes are open. He’s looking at the ground. “Leo.”
“Leo too. He’s back.” He promises. “And April.”
“Aaaapril.” Donnie’s heart flips. He remembers her being here. Her kind eyes. Her smile. “April, sh-she’s- ahy- April.”
English is hard, so he falls into soft chitters to express the happy content pleased.
“Jeez, you’re out of it.” His other brother looks to the door before sighing, “Look, I’m gonna move you, okay? Sensei says we take it slow.”
Donnie’d rather not.
His body and mind agree with the unspoken proclamation because the second that he’d hoisted off the bed, his hold on reality slips out from between his fingers.
Something explodes.
A whine is cutting through the fog before Donnie realizes that he might be conscious, drawing his attention to his trembling limbs and racing heart. He’s pretty sure he’s going to die, though he can’t remember why, staring up at upside-down bright blue eyes as a steady hand brushes his cheek. “Shh, shhh, it’s okay, Donnie.”
Donnie’s terrified. He doesn’t know why but he’s scared out of his wits, and he needs to calm down because April’s here. April’s so close and the tears stinging his eyes are beyond embarrassing and he’s never going to live that down. Everything is wrong and everything is bad and maybe his brothers know what’s going on- they abandoned him and the Foot are coming and they’re never coming back-
“Guys, he-”
“We see him. If you move back, I can-”
“But-”
“Trust me, April, we can’t crowd him.”
He can’t breathe- he can’t move- he’s alone and he’s going to die and they hate him and he’s so scared he’s alone abandoned hated scared alone alone alone-
“Donnie. Look at me, bud.”
There’s a hand clutching his. Three green fingers wrapped around to provide steady pressure, diving past the loud fears and fishing him out of under the flood. His head pounds as he follows the hand to an arm to a shoulder to a face, spotting the concern pinching his older brother’s expression.
It smoothes out, fading with the blur in his peripheral, and Leo squeezes lightly. “Raph said you were asking for me.”
Donnie blinks a tear. He can see Raph leaning on the edge of the left couch. Mikey is on the floor, back to the tv. April is near him, eyes wide. They all look anxious. Donnie can’t breathe. Leo brushes at his face as he whimpers. “Why?”
“Why what, Dee?”
“‘m s’rry.” He breathes, because he’s right. They didn’t do anything wrong. He did. And he’s too selfish to let them go. “Doh-Don’t.”
Leo sets a hand on his head. “Your fever’s still high.”
“Don’t.” He tries again. “Leo.”
“I hear you.” Leo says, even though he’s not listening. The scene is too familiar.
Donnie can’t let it happen again. He can’t.
He kicks the blanket off, rolling from the couch to his knees. Nausea swims over him as his world spots black. He ignores the alarmed look as his brother faces him and gives a cautious, “Donnie, wait, lay back-”
Donnie throws an arm over his shoulder and around his shell, pressing against him and struggling to strengthen shallow breaths. He has to stay awake. He’s lightheaded but he doesn’t care, because if the leader doesn’t leave than the others can’t leave and Donnie won’t be alone. Donnie can’t be alone.
“Oh-Okay.” Leo’s voice is a bit strained, but he doesn’t separate them. He doesn’t leave. “Hug time. That’s cool.”
Leo doesn’t push him away, and Donnie’s eyes burn. He wants him to stay. He wants them to stay.
He doesn’t want to be alone. He doesn’t want to die.
He’s being torn away.
Leo’s leaving. Leo’s leaving and they’ll leave and he’ll be alone and he’ll die and there’s a high-pitch sound drilling into his brain and the leader’s leaving which means his team is leaving and Sensei’s leaving and he’s shaking and scared and dying and alone now they hate him he’s the worst he’ll die alon-
He’s bundled into strong arms, a frantic voice asking him to calm down, telling him that’s he okay, telling him that’s he’s safe and calm down calm down calm down.
The sound stops. The arms around him sag in relief. Leo’s speaking, which means there must be someone else to talk to, which means they’re still here.
They’re still here.
His face is wet. He’s hot and shaky and his head hurts, but they’re here.
He tucks his knees against a shell bridge, pressing the moisture against plastron.
His head hurts. A blanket drapes over his back.
Donnie exhales.
He’s not alone.
“ᵂʰʸ ᵈᵒᵉˢ ʰᵉ ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ᵐᵃᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ˢᵒᵘⁿᵈ?”
“ᴵ ᵈᵒⁿ’ᵗ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ʰᵉ ˡⁱᵏᵉˢ ⁱᵗ ʷʰᵉⁿ ᴵ ᵐᵒᵛᵉ⋅”
“ᔆⁱⁿᶜᵉ ʷʰᵉⁿ ⁱˢ ʰᵉ ˢᵘᶜʰ ᵃ ᵖⁱᶜᵏʸ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖᵉʳ?”
“ᔆⁱⁿᶜᵉ ᵗᵒᵈᵃʸ?”
“ᴵ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ⁱᵗ’ˢ ˢʷᵉᵉᵗ⋅”
“ᵀʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ʸᵒᵘ’ʳᵉ ᵃ ᵍⁱʳˡ⋅”
“ᵂʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ˢᵘᵖᵖᵒˢᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉᵃⁿ?”
“ᴱˣᵃᶜᵗˡʸ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᴵ ˢᵃⁱᵈ⋅”
“ᴼʰ ⁿᵒ˒ ʰᵉ ᵈⁱᵈⁿ’ᵗ⋅”
“ʸᵉᵃʰ⋅ ᴵ ᵈⁱᵈ⋅”
“ᵁʳᵍʰ⋅ ᴮᵒʸˢ⋅”
Voices bicker, louder. A heavy sigh, Leo tucks him closer.
“ᴵᵍⁿᵒʳᵉ ᵗʰᵉᵐ˒ ᴰᵉᵉ˒ ʸᵒᵘ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᶠᵒᶜᵘˢ ᵒⁿ ᵍᵉᵗᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ⋅“
The voice is soft, worried. Donnie rumbles, content.
A churr rumbles back, grateful and reassured.
“⁻ᵘˢˡʸ˒ ᴵ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵒ⋅”
“ᴵ’ˡˡ ᵈᵒ ⁱᵗ!”
“ᴹⁱᵏᵉʸ˒ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃ ˡⁱᶠᵉ ˢᵃᵛᵉʳ⋅”
“ᴵ ᵏⁿᵒʷ῀”
“ᴼᵏᵃʸ˒ ۹ᵘⁱᶜᵏ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵉᵃˢʸ⋅”
Donnie’s released and panic swells. Fog gives way to pain, stealing the air in his lungs. He’s immediately bundled, beak nuzzling eagerly into the side of his head. His breath stutters. He shifts, hand flexing over blanket. It bumps plastron.
“ʸᵒᵘ’ʳᵉ ᵒᵏᵃʸ⋅” Leo promises distantly.“ᴵ ᵍᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘ⋅”
Donnie settles, nestling closer in a foggy world. Leo sighs.
“ᵀʰᵃⁿᵏˢ˒ ᴹⁱᵏᵉʸ⋅”
“ᔆᵗʳᵉᵗᶜʰ ʸᵒᵘʳ ˡᵉᵍˢ˒ ᵇʳᵒ⋅ ᴵ ᵍᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘ⋅” A light churr, another nuzzle. “ᴳᵒᵗ ᵇᵒᵗʰ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘ⋅”
Donnie repeats the love. It happily churrs back.
Donnie messed up.
Donnie messed up so bad and now they’re dead.
Something under his palm slides out from under him when he tries to rise, terror shaking his limbs. He lands on his chin, teeth clashing hard, tears spotting behind closed eyelids. Someone shouts beside him but his brain can’t pick out the meaning behind the pounding of his brain and the heat streaking flesh.
Something holds him down and hysteria sinks in. He thrashed immediately, hissing and kicking and rolling the second that freedom presents itself. He tries to rise a second time, world meshing and swirling when he makes the mistake of opening his eyes.
Light stabs in like a knife and in the midst of pain and terror, he darts into the only safety he can think of. He takes refuge in the darkness that it grants despite knowing he should fight, tears streaking his skin. He can feel his shell rock a bit with the sudden speed, and he’s sure to be seen, calling out for someone, anyone- tiny and scared and weak and injured with danger everywhere- and he wastes his strength on the chirps that peel away at the meager energy that he has left.
A touch from the outside and panic jolts his heart. A gentle brush of a hand. A firm rumble.
He can feel the vibration against on his shell. Danger, he wants to warn, Run.
Safe. It argues. Come out.
Donnie will not. Not as long as the danger is out there. Not as long as this terror steals his strength.
The churr softens, like a familiar grumble, before a fist bops his shell.
Idiot. It says fondly. We’re your strength.
And. Something about that feels right.
He pulls out of his shell, deflating on the ground. He’s exhausted by the simple act, comforted by the pillow placed between his arms. He drops his face into the casing, curling his fingers around it. He tilts his head and looks up through heavy eyelids, only ever soothed by that bright red when it’s accompanied by green.
Sorry. He chirrups, aching. Stay.
Not alone. The churr promises. Never alone.
That’s good enough for him.
The knot of terror is forgotten.
He slumps, surrendering, as voices murmer and weight presses against his shell.
Donnie’s trip to consciousness comes without the insurmountable ache.
He prefers to live a life without it, so he dwells in it for a short while before peeling his eyes open.
He hisses on instinct, catching his slip from human tongue and exchange the sound for a weak groan.
“There you are.” His father’s voice is warm.
Donnie looks up towards it, realizing his head is in his father’s lap, body limp across the floor. Emberessment pokes a question, but it’s ignored. He stares up at the familiar face, letting his misery overtake him. “My head…”
“I know.” His father soothes, brushing his aching skull. It does nothing, but it’s everything. He deflates as the touch continues, breathing through the nails in his poor brain. “You have been restless through your trials, but your brothers have not left your side.”
He shoots up because his subconscious seems to think that he needs to see for himself.
He squints painfully at the forms slumped over and under the bedding supplies on the ground, heart calming as he watches the peaceful faces. Leo’s in his normal death impression, Mikey’s feet against one of his arms. Mikey slumps over Raph’s plastron, head hanging in what has to be an uncommon position. One of Raph’s hands grips the remote tight, holding firm to the main room commodity even in sleep.
He doesn’t want to look away, even though his arms shake and his vision is ruining his balance. Splinter takes his arm, gently leading him so his carapace rests against the bottom of the couch. He doesn’t fight him because- well, why would he?
He only manages to tear his gaze away when Splinter puts an arm around him, tucking him against his side.
“Master Splinter?” He murmurs, uncertain, trying to read his eyes.
“You have had rough nights.” Splinter says. “Many feared for you, my son.”
Donnie looks at his brothers as tries to read between the lines. Then he leans in the hold, giving his weight away and feeling the gentle brush of fur when Splinter’s hand moves. “That bad, huh?”
“Fear can be the worst kind of sickness.” Donnie doesn’t look up. “One cannot heal if they refuse to get better.”
“I could have ruined everything.” He feels slimy and gross every time that he admits it. He’s the worst. The pain pulsates, forcing his eyes shut. “I’m- so sorry, Sensei.”
“I do not care about your mistakes.” He looks up, wincing, confused. “I care about your triumphs. I care that you came home.” He cups the side of his chin. “That you are here, with me.”
Donnie’s eyes water and Splinter lowers his hand, turning to face him as Donnie throws himself into his arms. His father returns the embrace, always his shield him from the fear and pain that makes it hard to think. He nuzzles closer, “I won’t leave you, Sensei.”
“What makes you think any of us would be willing to let you go?”
Donnie can hear the smile in his voice and the stupid, complex fear is uprooted by the light giggle that escapes him. He replays the words, over and over, carefully planting them instead. “Thanks, Sensei.”
His father says something else, soothing and wise and probably cryptic. Donnie’s brain is having a bit of trouble focusing, still looping the phrase as the pain stays away and exhaustion pulls his eyes shut, desperately hoping for one sleep without it.
Donnie gives in, held in his father’s arms, listening to his steady voice overhead.
Whether or not the Foot come, Donnie trusts that he’ll still get to hear it when he wakes up.
When Leo steps foot in the pit and earns a seething glare, the tension in his bones finally dissipates.
In honor of the relief, he takes another bite of his oatmeal, speaking through the delicious mesh on his tongue. “What?”
Donnie doesn’t answer. Instead, he throws out an accusing hand toward Raph.
Raphael, who hasn’t bothered to look away from the tv since they woke up, says, “I told him he could do it himself.”
“Do what?”
Something explodes on screen. Donnie flinches, hisses at Raph, and then ducks under his blanket. Gun fire swallows the air and Leo can see Donnie’s hands bunching the blanket as he tries to drown out the sound with fabrics.
Leo walks in front of the tv. Raph raises an eye ridge.
The absolute insolence and blatant inconsideration reassures Leo that Donnie’s officially reached a safe point. And despite the fact that he could just turn around and change it himself, Leo takes another bite of his breakfast and stares Raph down until he reluctantly lifts the remote to lower the volume.
With a satisfied nod, Leo walks over to his brother. He sits in front of him, reaching over to pat his carapace. Donnie scoots forward so his head bumps this leg, settling under his blanket. Leo rubs his shell. By the time that Mikey returns with two bowls, the tense ball has deflated comfortably, peeling out of the blanket to watch the tv.
He makes a face at the food Mikey hands Raph. Leo asks, “How’s your head?”
He shrugs.
“Do you want something for it?”
Another shrug.
Leo hits his carapace. Donnie grumbles.
“Neither of those are answers.”
He drags the blanket over his head.
“Do you want to eat?”
A grumpy, “No.”
Leo looks at Mikey. Mikey grins, “On it!”
A frustrated groan.
Leo pats his shell. “You’ll survive.”
“Shut up.”
“Should you be in here?”
Donnie scribbles harder on the paper.
Mikey kicks his legs from his perch on the desk, beaming, “I’m watching him!”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Raph looks at the brother whose fever had officially broken less than an hour ago. “Because it doesn’t.”
“I told you to close the door.” Donnie stage-whispers. Mikey gives Raph a knowing Look. “Seemed a little too separate, bro.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
For once, Raph feels satisfied that Mikey has the right priorities.
“Can you do whatever this is later?”
“No.” He hisses. “I’m hypothesizing.”
“You’re drawing.”
“My important scientific presentation!”
“Uh, Raph, maybe don’t-”
“Why can’t you ever just tell us things like a normal mad scientist?”
“Presentations are a very big part of the scientific community!”
Normally, Raph would have responded snarkily, but now he’s too busy taking a rapid step back because why on this horrifyingly cruel earth was he looking like he’s about to start crying right now?
“Sure are, dude!” Mikey speaks up, nodding his head urgently at Donnie. “And we can’t wait to see yours! Huh, Raph?”
Donnie sniffs, wiping at his beak. Raph stares, awkwardly.
Mikey hops off the desk to approach Raph as Donnie keeps scribbling.
Putting a hand around his shoulder, Mikey whispers, “Pulled the waterworks on Leo too. Real embarrassed about it.”
Raph copies his tone. “So, what, he’s guilting people now?”
“Not on purpose.”
Raph throws his arms forward. “Then why is he still acting like a baby?”
“Dunno.” Mikey leans more weight on him. Raph allows it. “That’s what he’s trying to find out.”
“It was the serum!” Donnie announces after he rounds up his family and sits them in the kitchen- barring Splinter, since he’s too impatient to wait for him to finish his deep mediation.
He’d dragged his presentation board where they could see and stood presenting it proudly. There’s some diagram of a brain on it with arrows pointing away from words that none of them knew.
“It’s actually fascinating! To put it as simply as possible, the brain uses chemicals to regulate emotions. In order to remove some of the driving motivations to lie, it had to stop the reactionary flow of those chemicals. I had enough to keep me sane, but not enough to not convince me the importance of not revealing detrimental secrets.”
Leo nods and Mikey makes a soft “ooooh” of understanding. Donnie doesn’t buy that the youngest has full comprehension, but he trusts that he gets it to some extent. “The truth serum would have to have been extreme and likely forced my brain into completing neuroplasticity. When the serum left, my brain no longer had the commanding function. While trying to reset back, it fell into a state of intense emotional dysregulation.”
He earns blank looks.
He pulls up the drawing of a space ship. “Think of it like… People are driving a ship.” He flips the page, and the fake crewmates are talking to a fake captain. “They normally do it on their own, but suddenly a… New captain comes in. They assume the captain knows what he’s doing. So when the captain says to stop using an area of the control panel, they do.”
He flips to another page with the communicator making sound. “In fact, they completely rearranged the entire room to remove its necessity. The captain leaves. A few hours later, the engineer says to keep using it, so they do, only to remember that they shouldn’t be. So they warn the ship that they ‘messed up’.”
“Only, in this hypothetical, the warnings are bad. They, uh, interrupt productivity on the ship, mhmm, slowing systems and sending others into overdrive to solve a problem that doesn’t technically exist.” He taps that page. “They still have the captain’s orders in their minds, but the engineer keeps urging them to use the panel. Well, the best course of action that they can think of is to keep listening to the engineer and passing warnings. The more they obey the engineer, the more the warnings increase, and the more negative effects it has on the ship.”
Leo raises a hand. “Why is the captain that bad guy and the engineer is the good guy?”
“The captain is the serum and the engineer is the brain. There are no heroes or villains.”
“Okay, but I think they should switch places.”
“Suggestion vetoed.” Leo crosses his arms and leans back as Donnie continues, “Now, the solution here would be to let the crew slowly get reintroduced to the control panel without consistent warnings. Eventually, they’ll get more and more confident until they can drive the ship as normal. Any questions?”
Raph stares at him in a deadpan. “You’ve been watching too much Space Heroes.”
Leo raises a finger, “No such thing.”
He sighs, “My point is- my brain must have panicked, unsure if it had too much or not enough of what I needed to properly take care of me. Every time I got upset, I forced my body to give me an abundant amount what it thought I shouldn’t have, which not only caused my fever but then made it worse, which made me feel worse, which made me more emotional, which forced out more chemicals and, well..."
"So that first night..." Leo frowns and Donnie taps his palm with the pointer. "My brain was likely in the beginning stages of realizing that the serum was gone. Whatever was going on up here…” He frowns. “Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. I really have no memory of that experience with you.”
Leo studies him, considering, and Donnie muses, “After, I may have had some kind of… Nightmare that forced more emotions than my brain could handle. That was my brain’s first, if not second, overwhelming experience, and it decided the best course of action was a psychogenic fever. Same thing with the night that you guys went out. It went from a one to a ten. My panic must have overwhelmed my systems.”
“Like the brain hitting a red alert instead of yellow alert.” Leo asks carefully. Donnie nods. “Sure. Why not?”
Raph groans. “You guys are such geeks.”
Leo smirks. “Says the guy who got the reference.”
Raph scowls and Mikey asks, “So are you okay now?”
"Possibly. I’m assuming that my brain is still attempting to get its act together, and that’s why the fever’s relented. I'm probably going to be, uhhhhh, emotional over the next few days while my brain figures itself out. So, I'm apologizing now for whatever I'm going to put you through."
“Oh, great.” Raph groans. “More crying.”
“It’s technically the safest option.” Donnie offers as he leans the pointers against the board. “My brain is somewhat used to it by now so it’s going to be the go-to emotion since there’s less of a chance that it’ll have hugely negative… This isn’t a bright side to you guys, is it?”
“There’s no magic science cure that’ll torch it so we don’t have to deal with… This?”
"Trust me, if I could fix myself, I would." Donnie plays with his fingers, cheeks flushed. "It's all kind of embarrassing."
“Kind of?” Mikey gawks. “Dude, you were hard sobbing in front of April. We thought you’d lost your mind!”
His face pales, “I was?”
“Oh yeah.” Mikey confirms confidently, oblivious to the shut-up! gestures that his brothers were attempting to send him. “Snot all over her pants and everything.”
“Oh no.” Donnie breathes. “Oh no no no.”
“It really wasn’t that bad.” Leo stands quickly, “Really, Donnie, whatever you’re picturing, it-.”
Mikey helpfully chimes in, “-was so much worse.”
With a light, pained sound of choking in air, Donnie’s eyes take a fuzzy tint. Mikey’s teasing smile drops and Raph’s chair hits the ground. Leo grabs his wrists, squeezing, “Donnie. Donnie, it was fine. Mikey is a bonehead and he didn’t mean it.” He speaks the last three words through gritted teeth. “Right, Michelangelo?”
“Yeah,” Mikey promises. “Yeah, bro, I-I was just messing. Seriously.”
Donnie makes a short, clipped whine. Raph catches him as his knees give out.
“It’s fine.” Leo presses. “Tell us what you’re thinking. We’re all here. Talk to us.”
Alone. He clicks sensations through wheezy breaths. Abandoned. Alone.
“She’s coming back.” Leo promises immediately. “She’s asleep right now. That’s all.”
“She’s not gonna run off ‘cause you were sick.” Raph mutters. “She was worried about you. Every time she leaves, she just keeps asking about you.”
“Worrhied?” He asks breathlessly, wincing visibly. “Ahbout, me?”
“Totally!” Mikey agrees. “I doubt she even cares that you-”
Dark looks from their older brothers. Mikey doubles back, “Y-you, uh, cried. A little bit. Just a little.”
Leo lets go and Donnie pulls his fists to his forehead. “Your head again?”
He nods weakly. Leo puts an arm around his shoulder. “Let’s get you back to the pit.”
Raph waits for them to leave, and then smacks Mikey upside the head. “What part of that entire lecture did you not understand?”
“I thought we weren’t making him sad!”
“Giving him a heart attack’s not any better!”
Mikey taps his forefingers. “Oh. Uhm. My bad?”
Raph stomps out. “Idiot.”
Mikey takes over sad-Donnie-sick-cuddles since he was the one who broke him in the first place.
It’s not much of punishment since Mikey is more than willing, but it leaves the eldest duo free to stretch their legs. Donnie whines and snivels and naps some more, but the fever thankfully stays under wraps. Then April texts to say she’s coming over and they have to chase him down when he tries hiding in his room. Leo manages to catch the door before it shuts and then they drag his shell back into the pit.
When April arrives, Leo stops her at the entrance and informs her of the latest development.
“I’ll be gentle.” She promises as Raph glares her down from the punching bag. She doesn’t look his way, striding to the pit and stepping over the couch. “Hey, Mikey.”
Leaning on the limbless shell, Mikey waves, “Hey, April.”
“I thought Donnie was feeling better.” She questions with disguised intent. “Did I miss anything?”
“Yeah, Donnie.” Raph mocks. “Why don’t you tell April here why you’re hiding like a-?”
Leo elbows him. Raph scowls, “What? I was gonna be nice!”
Mikey gets off the shell. Donnie doesn’t answer.
“Donnie.” Leo frowns. “April’s here.”
The shell remains lifeless.
April feels a prick of concern, suddenly having catch her breath when a wave of panic crashes down after. Her body stiffens on its own, ready for the worst, startled when Mikey absolutely reaches into the shell.
His arm flies out with a pained, “Ow! Dude!”
The fear pulls back abruptly. Raph states, “You should know better.”
“He bit me! Me! His favorite brother!” Mikey mourns, devastated. “First the lies and now this? I don’t even know him anymore!”
“Favorite? Says who?”
“He’s always grumpy when he’s sick.” Leo reassures. “Nothing’s changed.”
“That’s too bad.” April speaks up now that her heart has resumed a normal beat, taking hold of her backpack strap. “Let me know when he’s feeling better. I’ll just be in the lab, getting an early start on that science project. He seemed like he really wanted to help, but I understand if he’d rather get some more rest.”
April closes the door partway behind her. The brothers all stare at the motionless carapace.
After several minutes, a reluctant teen crawls out of his shell and then sulks his way into the lab. April’s bright greeting welcomes him before the door shuts. The brothers exchange knowing looks and then settle to wait.
They hang out for a good few hours. Whenever any of the brothers peek in, Donnie has lost his pout and become invested in the school books that April brought. She works on her display board as he rambles, sometimes about things that they don’t think has anything to do with the assignment, giving the brothers a reassuring smile when they’re caught.
He seems to be finishing up some long-winded speech when they exit. Donnie holds the door open so April can pass through. She folds up the board as she steps down, silently taking note of the tension that has left the atmosphere since she arrived.
She smiles as Donnie steps beside her, setting a hand on his arm. “Thanks for you help, Dee.”
“Always!” He beams. “Anytime! I love helping y- wiith science! Science things! Projects- books- markers- yep!” He laughs, high and flustered. “I’m the science guy!”
"I think a certain Mr. Nye would have something to say about that.” Raph mocks. Donnie humfs his indignation.
April says her goodbyes and thanks Donnie again before heading out. Leo spawns by Donnie’s side when he turns and the startled teen jumps.
“Your fever’s back.” He announces as he sticks a thermometer in his mouth. “Does your head hurt?”
Donnie shrugs, grin staying strong. “Al’ays ‘u’ts.”
“Does it hurt more?” Leo pulls it out when it beeps. “Yep. Did she says something?”
“No.” Donnie puts hands on his hips, failing to look intimidating. “We were having a good time.”
“Too good of a time?”
His brows furrow. The smile remains. “What?”
“Think about it.” Leo states as Donnie looks at the smirking Mikey. “You said it effects all emotions. Not just bad ones.”
Donnie hesitates. His arms fall. “Oh.”
“Oh,” Leo agrees knowingly. “Seems like being too happy is also dangerous.”
“Or just being around April.” Raph jokes. “Lit fuse meet bomb.”
In an instant, the smile falls. “It’s not like that! My head’s just more used to the bad than the good.”
”Still.” Leo muses. “It’s not a bad idea for a controlled environment.”
His eyes widen, horrified, “You’re not going to ban her, are you? You can’t!”
“Woah, hey,” Leo cuts in immediately. “I never said that.”
“You can’t.”
“I won’t!”
“You just said you would!”
“You said I would!”
Donnie steps back. “You’re mad.”
Leo pinches between his eyes. Mikey inserts himself beside Donnie, an arm around his shell. “You’re having feelings at us again.”
“I’m the worst.” He buries his face in his hands. Raph makes a so-so sign behind his back.
“Raph’s the worst.” Their called-out brother raises an eye ridge but doesn’t argue. Mikey pats his shell. “You’re sick.”
“It hurts.” He moans. “Why am I worse?”
“Happy in dolphins, bro.”
Donnie lowers his hands. Mikey nods solemnly.
“…Are you trying to say endorphins?”
“What’d I say?”
“Do you even know what that means?”
“What what means?”
“Donnie.” Leo says patiently. Donnie flinches. “Look, April can come back. She’s not banned. Her next visit… Well, maybe, it won’t be as long next time.”
Donnie nods, looking at the floor. Leo sighs heavily, “…And to prove I’m not mad, we can watch that new turtle documentary that you won’t stop trying to make us watch.”
His eyes shoot up, sparked with new life.
Raph turns to the punching bag. “Good luck with that.”
“This wasn’t a royal we, Raph.”
“You could not pay me.” He looks over his shoulder. “That movie makes me wish I wasn’t a turtle. Seriously. How boring can turtles be?”
Donnie’s shoulders slump. Mikey immediately separates to throw himself at his older brother, slinging his arm around his shoulder to force him into an awkward bend at the waist, and whisper-shouts, “Dude. Fevertello!”
“What did I do?!” He hisses back, “Leo volunteered!”
“Duh! But he’s right there!”
“Not. Gonna. Happen.”
“Gee, Raph,” Both turtles look up as Leo sets a hand on Donnie’s shoulder. Their ill brother looks between them anxiously, brow pinched in pain. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say maybe you were mad at someone.”
“Do not.” He growls. Leo grins, “Mad enough not to hang out...”
“Shut up.”
“You wouldn’t happen to be avoiding a certain tur-“
“I’ll watch it!” He stomps up to Leo, narrowing the smug leader with a nasty look that could not be mistaken toward anyone else. “I’ll. Watch. It.”
“Good.” Leo gets in his face. “Glad to hear it.”
Raph grinds his teeth. Leo doesn’t blink.
Donnie rubs his head. Mikey hooks their elbows and leads him to the kitchen.
“That was weird, right?” Donnie asks hesitantly. Mikey shakes his head, “Nah. Let’s get you some pills and popcorn.”
“But-”
“Dude, they always fight.”
“Not the argument.” He tears his arm away, following his easy strides. “I meant the content. Was weird. That is the most normal they’ve been since. I. Uh-”
“So true." Mikey states before he can find the right words. "Raph actually hit me today.”
“Did he?”
“Barely. So weak. He’s just pent.”
“Him and Leo both.”
“Movie’s not gonna help.”
“…You really don’t think they’ll like it?”
“-Uhhhh, oh look! Pills!" He fluidly dumps them into his open palm. "That’ll help your brain!”
“If I take that many, I’ll die.”
“Bummer.”
“Give me that-“
Leo wakes up with a gasp.
His eyes dart in search of his brothers, strained with the imprint of them locked in chains. Mikey is passed out on the floor, limbs spread with a crushed popcorn bag under his head. The back of Donnie’s head rests against the couch, hands in his lap and the blush of fever faded away. Raph had somehow gone from sitting tense and grumpy next to him, to lying curled up with his head resting on Leo’s leg.
Leo runs a shaky hand over the shell in his reach and earns a sleepy grumble.
The panic ebbs away with each breath that filters through the room, but the nightmare built from reality stays. He goes to carefully push Raph off, and the most impossible of all his brothers jerks wide-awake instead. He continued to get up as his younger brother gets his bearings.
“Wha? Huh?”
“Go back to sleep.”
His arm is snagged. “Where you goin’?”
“I need to talk to Splinter.”
“Nu-uh.” He’s dragged back down. “We’re not done.”
“Done? Done with-?”
Raph points. On the tv, a turtle walks daintily into water. The volume is off. When did that happen?
“It’s not like we’re actually watching it.” He tries to argue with his bleary brother, tugging his arm free. “Raph, let go.”
A minor stare down. Raph releases his arm. Leo stands to go.
He watches him navigate around pillows and then shouts, “HEY! WHERE’RE YOU GOING?”
Leo spins as Donnie and Mikey are launched from their respective sleeps. He makes a cutting motions at his neck, trying to pass on a message somewhere between a death threat and a plea to be quiet.
Raph’s grin says he’s already won. “You wouldn’t happened to be LEAVING, would you, Leo? ABANDONING us here? Wouldn’t happen to be because of anything DONNIE did, would it?”
Leo’s going to strangle him. Leo’s going to pin him to the floor and strangle his heartless brother until he wheezes out a pathetic plea of uncle.
“Leo?”
The tiny, sleep-soaked, scared word has his heart sinking as deep as it can go. He goes to his little brother, wide eyes glazed in drowsy confusion, and finds all of his resolve zipping out of reach. “I wasn’t- leaving. I was… Coming back, from, uh, the bathroom?”
He hopes Donnie isn’t awake enough to notice that he’d returned from the wrong direction. He scoops him into a careful hug so he can’t get a better look at their surroundings, letting Donnie nuzzle against him, “Go back to sleep, Dee.”
“Don’t leave.” He murmurs. “I’m sorry.”
“None of that.” Leo rubs his shell. “It wasn’t your fault. Remember?”
“Not my fault.” Donnie agrees as his eyes flicker shut. “Don’t go.”
Mikey stares at Leo, half-awake and expectant. They both know what he’s supposed to say, but Leo tries to talk himself into chickening out.
He can’t. He swallows a sigh, “I’m not going anywhere.”
The worry dampening Mikey’s gaze falls away. He grabs a pillow and worms closer to them, pressing it against Donnie legs and burying his face. He passes out quick, and then Raph crawls into view.
Leo gives him a tired look. Raph starts grabbing at the soft material on the floor.
Silence passes between them as Leo watches him work. Donnie whistles, soft.
“You got issues.”
Leo could not gasp offendedly any quieter. “Me?!”
“Yeah. And instead of talking about them, you sit there and shake like a volcano trying not to erupt.” He punches one of the pillows. “You could talk about it, but no. You gotta be all fearless on us. Not that being quiet did Donnie any favors.” He smooths the blanket. “I’m going to have to truth serum you next.”
“I talk with Splinter.” He admits quietly. Raph rolls his eyes. “Oh, yeah, because Splinter’s the issue.”
“You guys aren’t a problem, Raph.”
“No kidding. We’re great. That’s why there’s an issue, dingus.”
“Raph…”
Raph stands up and drags Mikey from his pillow. A bit of drool slides down his chin. Raph snaps, “Lay down.”
Leo reluctantly drags Donnie over to the makeshift nest. Raph drops Mikey next to them and their baby brother immediately curls up to get comfortable, cuddling into the mix of blanket and pillow that he’s hugging to his chest.
He lets Donnie sprawl, head on his arm, and holds out a hand for Raph.
His bitter, mean brother broods his way to them. He drops a pillow against Leo’s side, sprawling pointed away from him to glare unseesingly at the roof. “Talk.”
“I can’t.”
Raph throws an arm to the side and grabs his hand. He squeezes, and snaps, “I will sit on you.”
Leo snorts, “How threatening.”
“If it’s about me, you have to tell me.”
“No one said it was about you.”
“No one said it wasn’t.”
A beat of silence. Raph squeezes his hand. “You tell Splinter.”
“And?”
“What’s so wrong with me?”
“Nothing. I just…”
“Spill.”
“Raph.”
“Please?”
Leo stares at the same roof, helpless.
“Talk to me.”
Leo swallows.
“Okay.”
Donnie knows he’s caught when a pair of floating eyes blink out in the darkness.
He looks away from the tunnel and groans, “I thought you guys were busy.”
“We were.” Mikey strolls up to him as Leo drops down from the roof. “Until we heard the garage open.”
“You were a bit to whiney about your alone time.” Raph puts an arm on his shoulder from behind. Donnie refuses to look at him. “That’s ‘cause you guys are being unreasonable.”
“Just because you can go a few hours without breaking down in tears doesn’t mean you’re a-okay to go running around the surface.” Leo repeats for the millionth time. A finger in the air and his eyes momentarily caught up in scanning the perimeter, he misses Donnie’s mock gesture of a talking hand. Mikey and Raph snicker.
He looks to them as Donnie drops his hand, suspicious.
Donnie pleads, “You don’t know something’s going to happen! There are plenty of nights where nothing ever happens at all.”
“You know it’s not really up to me. Sensei says-”
“Sensei’s being paranoid! C’mon! You guys want to go up as much as I do!”
“No means no.” Leo tsks. “It’s too risky.”
Raph turns him around and pushes him back towards the lair. There’s no trace of tears as he trudged alongside them, ignoring Mikey’s attempts to cheer him up.
They’re met with a patient Sensei when they walk through the turnstiles.
“Donatello.” He says simply. “It is not safe for you to wander off alone. We still do not know what Miwa has planned.”
Emotion clogs his throat and an itch of a headache pokes a reminder. He blinks quick and then stands tall. “I know, Sensei. I just need some fresh air. The guys are driving me crazy!”
“Hey,” His brothers chime in half-heartedly, already moving to go about their various activities. Donnie crosses his arms, “I was only going to be out for a little while. I’m never going to finish without this part a-and- one little junkyard visit! That’s all! Shredder already thinks something happened to me. I’ll have the advantage! Please, Sensei, I’ll be careful!”
His father is silent and frustration burns.
“Yes. You may go.”
“AW, THAT’S SO NOT FAIR-” He stops, does a double take, and hopefully confirms, “Did you say yes?”
“You may go.” He assures. “You have all been cooped up. But take your brothers with you.”
“Wait what?” “Sweet, surface time!” “Sensei, you don’t really mean-”
He ignores them all and beams, “Thank you!”
His father smiles in return, “Stay alert, my son.”
He nods quickly, letting Leo have his turn to argue. He knows Splinter won’t be swayed once he’s made up his mind. Mikey runs up to him and Raph gives him an impressed smirk.
Haha! Surface time, baby!
Raph notices when Leo’s attention get split.
His eyes dart away, his body language changes, and then he’s separating from the group. He disappears into the shadows and, when Raph looks where he had, he sees Karai’s turn back. He almost wants to follow him, but Donnie’s already slipped twice on the return trip home. Raph refuses to be somewhere else if he needs to be caught.
They stop on a rooftop with a clear view of the kunoichi. Donnie’s laughing breathlessly at something that Mikey said and their youngest brother looks exceedingly proud of himself. Raph refuses to look over his shoulder, trusting the eldest to handle himself.
“We stopping for Leo?” He asks to help Donnie save face. His clearly tired brother latches onto the excuse immediately. “Probably not a good idea to leave him behind. Not with her anyway.”
Raph can clearly picture the dark look that haunted his features. He looks at Mikey. He can tell that he’s thinking the same. “He’ll be fine.”
“Think they’re just talking.” Mikey speaks up. He’s the only one facing them, but his eyes never leave their small huddle, mainly hovering on Donnie. “Maybe she changed her mind and wants to be friends now.”
“Yeah, she was a little too happy to do her job last time.” Raph scoffs, a supportive hand on Donnie’s shell. “Keep dreaming.”
Donnie straightens. “Whatever her reason is, I just hope she tells him the truth. It would be nice to know we’re not going to be jumped in our beds in a week.”
“If he’s smart, he’s gonna assume every word is a lie.” Raph crosses his arms. “But fearless can be pretty dumb when it comes to family.”
“She’s under the wrong influence.” Donnie offers as Mikey adds, “If she’s Sensei’s Miwa, she has to be a good person. It’s genetics!”
“Genetics do not work that way.”
“Sure, they do! Look at us!”
Raph tones out the science argument that he doesn’t give two cracked shells about and turns his attention to watching the rooftops. He waits for some kind of trap or ambush to reveal itself as his brothers bicker, but nothing appears from the shadows. He looks to the rooftop as Leo’s sword flashes.
All he can see is his carapace, but a proud smirk situates comfortably.
You tell her, fearless. Don’t mess with our brothers.
Leo lowers his blade and steps out of sight. Raph turns to his brothers as Donnie whines, “I don't understand you."
"Not many can, bro."
"No, I mean- How are you this thick?”
“Bro, you gotta stop believing those books and think with your head sometimes.”
"Me think with my head?!"
"Alright." Leo chimes in as he appears at Raph's side. "Let's calm this down before Donnie's head causes any more problems."
Raph regards him. "You tell her off?"
Hands on hips. "I told her off."
"Good." Raph nods his satisfaction and Donnie asks, "And what'd she say to you?"
"Our secret is safe with her." He smiles with genuine relief. "She's got our back."
Raph's jaw drops. "And you just believed her?"
"She could have told." Leo breezes through their group. "But she hasn’t."
"How do you know?!" Raph demands, baffled. "She chained us up and then drugged Donnie! We didn't exactly share it with her at a sleep over."
"I doubt Shredder would have waited this long if he did know." Donnie muses as Leo turns back. "Maybe she's telling the truth."
"I'm sure she is." Leo states in his trademarked leader voice. "And I know she won't try anything like this again."
"Why?" Raph sneers. "'Cause she said so?"
"No." Leo looks out into the distance, eyes hard. "Because I didn't leave her any other option."
His brothers exchange looks. Leo looks back, smiling, "You guys ready to go?"
Donnie pats his bag. "So ready. I cannot wait to show you guys my new additions to the sub."
"The sub?" Raph prompts as his eager younger brother takes off. They follow his lead. "You wouldn't happen to be trying to get to a certain van, would you?"
"Huh? Me?" Nervous laughter. A cleared throat. "No, that's the farthest thing from my mind! Didn't cross it for a microsecond!"
"Donatello."
"Oh, man."
"Don't worry, Dee. I got your back."
"Traitor."
"Glad someone does."
"Hamato Donatello, we have discussed this.”
“I think that’s another conversation that I definitely forgot.”
“You are not going after the van!"
"You can't stop me- ACK NO MY BAG!"
"MIKEY'S ON IT!"
"RAPH CATCH!"
"GIVE IT BACK!"
"MAKE ME!"
A war cry. A tackle evaded. A satchel sails back and forth.
"BE CAREFUL WITH THAT!"
"Careful with what? This? OOPS!"
"RAPH NO!"
"MIKEY!"
"GOT IT!"
"No! Mikey! You're mad at him, remember!?"
"Don't listen to him! Favorite brother, yeah? B-team?!"
"FAVORITE BROTHER WIN! WHOO!"
"MIKEY!"
"HA- MISSED MEEEAAAHHH-"
"RUN! RUN LIKE THE WIND!"
A smokebomb fills the air and the youngest Hamatos take off like a shot, laughter trailing behind them.
The two eldest are not dissuaded, dashing through the purple cloud with determined grins, reaching across the rooftops with a single cry.
"DONNIIIE!"